NationStates Jolt Archive

Roach-Busters National News Network, Live Broadcast


"Good evening, friends, I'm Walter Krankheit of RBNNN. Today, in our top story, our sovereign lord, the great Generalissimo J.L., Subjugator of Shoobans, Bastion of Anticommunism, Savior of Mankind, has become a father. No, the First Lady did not have a baby. Just yesterday, the Generalissimo adopted a young girl, aged 16, as his daughter, and named her Rinoa, because he thinks it's a "damn nice name." The Generalissimo has announced that his daughter's picture will adorn exactly half of the billboards in the country, and that several hundred statues of her are to be built. To commemorate this joyful occasion, he will stage a grand celebration in RB Stadium, where he, hundreds of his closest friends, and others will watch Shoobans being ripped to shreds to lions. That is all. Thank you, and good night."

bump

...

We congratulate The Generalissimo on his adoption of a child.

We congratulate The Generalissimo on his adoption of a child.

Thank you very much.

-Generalissimo J.L.

Two thumbs up. But don't think you can catch up with me. I have six daughters and love everyone of them.

~ Count JWolf, a High Count of the Council of Twelve

"I would like to personaly congradulate my good friend, JL, on this momentous occasion. In honor of the newest member to a family with whom I have been close friends with for many many years, I have declared this day a national holiday. Oh, and here's a few Ferrari's for the lovely young lady."

-Emperor Helldawg V

I would like to congratulate the Generalissimo for his new-found child. By the way, is she hot?

President Sergyn Torshan

We congratulate J.L. on the adoption of a daughter, and wish the best for the family.

Official Imperial Statement

Emperor Antonius I sends his congratulations to the Generallissimo on the new addition to his family, and prays that her father's greatness will rub off on her. He also sends gifts in the form of three dozen bottle of Sofian Champagne, and an Alberian manservant.

TK Termite personally congradulates JL on his new child and then meets her personally.

I am pleased to see this wonderful thing, please allow us to give your daughter a little trinket (http://www.geocities.com/Pentagon/Base/1406/jewel/87.jpg). Emeralds always look nice, especially large ones.

-Shah Khosru III

I thank you all deeply. Oh, and here are some pics of her:

Pic #1 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Nice_pic.JPG)
Pic #2 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Nice_pic2.JPG)
Pic #3 (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/Nice_pic3.JPG)

-Generalissimo J.L.

The Great Leader's palace:

"16, damn. Is J.L looking for an excuse to commit incest? Or maybe use the poor girl as some sort of sex slave, or diplomatic pawn, or something of that " The Great Leader scrolled down and read the rest of the report.

"I suggest you not be so quick to judge J.L's motives." replied an anonymous advisor.

"Good point, but I'm going to retain some healthy cynicism."

Official Government Comment:

"Congratulations, take this RCR-41 sniper rifle, complete with silencer/suppressor and 50,000 rounds of 8x60mm ammo as a gift."-The Great Leader Li.

The Imperial Message to Generalissimo J.L.

Akarth Von Antheron The Emperor Of the Empire of Deatharon wishes to extend his congratulations to the Generalissimo.

Thanks, guys.

-Gen. J.L.

President Jack Kordo II sends his congratulations to JL and his new daughter. He does not doubt that she will continue in her new fathers, large footsteps.

Thank you, my friend.

-Generalissimo J.L.

ooc: one question, why adopt a 16 year old?

ooc: one question, why adopt a 16 year old?

(OOC: Could you ask that question IC? I want J.L. to answer the question. ;))

(OOC: Could you ask that question IC? I want J.L. to answer the question. ;))


OOC Isn't that your RL Wife?

OOC Mass Pwnage I think its for when the wifes away

IC Must.............Get...........head.............out of....gutter!

ooc: i want to know your actual motives. So answer ICly and oocly.

"Why a 16 year old? I have been told she's for when the wife's away and that you idolize Mississippian and Parthian sexual practices (ooc: incest)."-The Great Leader Li

To Mass Pwnge
From Tonissia


It's a joke

ooc: Maia, being MassPwnage's intelligence head, wrote that on the Great Leader's intelligence report.

ooc: i want to know your actual motives. So answer ICly and oocly.

"Why a 16 year old? I have been told she's for when the wife's away and that you idolize Mississippian and Parthian sexual practices (ooc: incest)."-The Great Leader Li

"I don't want a baby, because I don't want to have to change piss-soaked and shit-caked diapers. I don't want a toddler because they're annoying, incessant, repulsive brats. I don't want a kid because you have to do everything for them. I don't like pre-adolescents and kids in their early teens because they're lippy, smart-mouthed assholes. Therefore, I chose a 16-year-old. And no, I am not incestuous."

-Generalissimo J.L.

(OOC: I just saw a few pics of a cute girl and thought, "If I ever have a daughter, I hope she's as cute as her.")

OOC Isn't that your RL Wife?

OOC Mass Pwnage I think its for when the wifes away

IC Must.............Get...........head.............out of....gutter!

(OOC: I'm not married IRL, but I have a g.f., whose pic I used for the First Lady. And the pics of my 'daughter,' are just pics I found somewhere online.)

"Meh, I feel that psychologically manipulating children from youth to kill people for you is the best way to *turns around* I'M SORRY MAIA! *walks off, only the Great Leader can be heard*, No, of course I love you, no, I didn't force your mother to have you... anyway *shoots out the webcam*."-The Great Leader Li.

bump

Hobo Bob says:

"What have we gotten ourselves into?"

Yawn. (Getting tired of always going 'bump')

The Chemical Lords congratulate Generalissimo J.L. on the adoption of 16-year old child, and hope that her presumptiousness behaves. We are sorry for being unable to attend your party, as our king was recently diagnosed with a ill-famished disease. In recognition, we are giving your daughter a case of poison, but that may be dangerous. Anyhow, please use the gift to whatever means you wish.

We are sorry for being unable to attend your party, as our king was recently diagnosed with a ill-famished disease.
Wonder why :rolleyes:

Wonder why :rolleyes:

OOC: Yep. Deduce the facts:

The Chemical Lords congratulate Generalissimo J.L. on the adoption of 16-year old child, and hope that her presumptiousness behaves. We are sorry for being unable to attend your party, as our king was recently diagnosed with a ill-famished disease. In recognition, we are giving your daughter a case of poison, but that may be dangerous. Anyhow, please use the gift to whatever means you wish.

OOC: The connection. :D

ooc: i want to know your actual motives. So answer ICly and oocly.

"Why a 16 year old? I have been told she's for when the wife's away and that you idolize Mississippian and Parthian sexual practices (ooc: incest)."-The Great Leader Li

"How dare you, my mother may have been 17 when my father Ardeshir married her and his fourth wife may have been my sister (She never gave birth to any children of my father's). My brother Koroush, myself, and my other brother Kambujiya were born of his first wife. His second and third marriages gave me two more half brothers. However, just because he married my sister near the end of his life doesn't mean anything!"

-Shah Khosru III