The Resi Corporation
04-04-2005, 03:00
CNN Headline News
Rich Douglas had just concluded his astounding speach on how the Jain Monkies had beaten their rivals, the Unus Devils, with a surprise home-run from their rookie Jake Ellingway at the bottom of the ninth. Rich, being a liquored-up Monkies fan, was livid with excitement and managed to shout several explitives about the manager of the Devils, the manager's mother, and possibly ficticious relations between the two before being carried off by two CNN staffers. The camera pulled a quick cut back to Alexis Wrently, the attractive blonde anchorwoman that was the face of Resian CNN in hopes of forcing the audience to forget the drunken obscenities with a healthy dose of sex appeal.
"In... *ahem* other news..." Alexis said to the camera, stifling a chuckle, "The Resi Corporation has released two new products on its storefront today. The first is the "Hades" Plasma Flamethrower (http://members.cox.net/resicorp/hpf.htm), which I am told uses superheated hydrogen plasma to burn holes through armor, melt human flesh, and do all kinds of pleasant things. Here's a clip of the CEO of the Resi Corporation, Johnathan Tetragammaton, using one in a demonstration to shareholders earlier today."
The camera cuts to a scene of Tetragammaton hoisting the massive gun and pointing it at a non-descript brown robot, obviously not of Resian make. The robot apparently had a logo of some other company on its shoulder, as a large blur mark appeared over it on the camera. In an instant, the entire scene went dark except for a blinding white spot that took up half the camera. When the blackness died down, all that was left were two blubbling and smoldering stumps of metal where the robot's legs once were.
The camera once again cuts back to the studio.
"As for the second item, CEO Tetragammaton was very elusive as to what it was, but he stressed several points. From what we know, it is called 'Pancakes' (http://members.cox.net/resicorp/pancakes.htm) and it is a weapon of mass destruction. The CEO was very insistant on the point that the 'Pancakes' were not of Resian make, but were manufactured by a supposedly nameless entity that payed to have their product marketed on the Resian storefront.
"Once again, I'm Alexis Wrently. Thanks for watching CNN. Next up is the story of how this kitten saved a boy from a wheat thresher. Stay tuned."
Clip of kitten rolls, then blacks out as theme music plays.
((OOC: The storefront can be found here (http://members.cox.net/resicorp/), and orders can be placed on this thread.))
Rich Douglas had just concluded his astounding speach on how the Jain Monkies had beaten their rivals, the Unus Devils, with a surprise home-run from their rookie Jake Ellingway at the bottom of the ninth. Rich, being a liquored-up Monkies fan, was livid with excitement and managed to shout several explitives about the manager of the Devils, the manager's mother, and possibly ficticious relations between the two before being carried off by two CNN staffers. The camera pulled a quick cut back to Alexis Wrently, the attractive blonde anchorwoman that was the face of Resian CNN in hopes of forcing the audience to forget the drunken obscenities with a healthy dose of sex appeal.
"In... *ahem* other news..." Alexis said to the camera, stifling a chuckle, "The Resi Corporation has released two new products on its storefront today. The first is the "Hades" Plasma Flamethrower (http://members.cox.net/resicorp/hpf.htm), which I am told uses superheated hydrogen plasma to burn holes through armor, melt human flesh, and do all kinds of pleasant things. Here's a clip of the CEO of the Resi Corporation, Johnathan Tetragammaton, using one in a demonstration to shareholders earlier today."
The camera cuts to a scene of Tetragammaton hoisting the massive gun and pointing it at a non-descript brown robot, obviously not of Resian make. The robot apparently had a logo of some other company on its shoulder, as a large blur mark appeared over it on the camera. In an instant, the entire scene went dark except for a blinding white spot that took up half the camera. When the blackness died down, all that was left were two blubbling and smoldering stumps of metal where the robot's legs once were.
The camera once again cuts back to the studio.
"As for the second item, CEO Tetragammaton was very elusive as to what it was, but he stressed several points. From what we know, it is called 'Pancakes' (http://members.cox.net/resicorp/pancakes.htm) and it is a weapon of mass destruction. The CEO was very insistant on the point that the 'Pancakes' were not of Resian make, but were manufactured by a supposedly nameless entity that payed to have their product marketed on the Resian storefront.
"Once again, I'm Alexis Wrently. Thanks for watching CNN. Next up is the story of how this kitten saved a boy from a wheat thresher. Stay tuned."
Clip of kitten rolls, then blacks out as theme music plays.
((OOC: The storefront can be found here (http://members.cox.net/resicorp/), and orders can be placed on this thread.))