NationStates Jolt Archive

Servants and Shooban slaves rushed from the kitchen to the dining room of Persepolis palace, bearing trays of food to the great banquet hall. Hundreds of dishes sat upon the tables while casks of wine and even fountains which shot wine from the valves sat around the banquet hall. The Shah's Immortals in blue dress uniforms lined the corridors while in the great courtyard of the palace, hundreds of weapons were being prepared and cages full of moaning Shoobans were roasting under the Iranian sun. Every so often, they would moan, and a stern faced Immortal would beat them with his M-27 rifle. The Shah was himself seated upon his throne, before getting up, wearing a silk cloak covered in gold over his field marshall's uniform, also covered in gold. The crown was an assembly of hundreds of pieces of gold, each the thickness of a leaf and with emeralds studded in the center of each of the leaves. From the back of the crown, gold chains with tear drop shaped emeralds at the bottom sat there like hair.

The Shah's Crown (http://members.aol.com/ahreemanxii/images/c%20iran%20yazdgird%20iii.jpg)

The Shah walked up to the doors and two Immortals threw the massive gates open. The Shah then spoke, "I officially declare the Who Gives a Damn About Human Rights Club Party open!"

OOC: Just to show you what is going on here-

The Palace Entrance (http://www.persepolis3d.com/data_frameset/image_main/persepolis_TaL_09.jpg)
The Entrance Hall (http://www.golestanpalace.ir/images/pics/salam4.jpg)
The Dining Hall (http://www.golestanpalace.ir/images/pics/adj1.jpg)

Servants and Shooban slaves rushed from the kitchen to the dining room of Persepolis palace, bearing trays of food to the great banquet hall. Hundreds of dishes sat upon the tables while casks of wine and even fountains which shot wine from the valves sat around the banquet hall. The Shah's Immortals in blue dress uniforms lined the corridors while in the great courtyard of the palace, hundreds of weapons were being prepared and cages full of moaning Shoobans were roasting under the Iranian sun. Every so often, they would moan, and a stern faced Immortal would beat them with his M-27 rifle. The Shah was himself seated upon his throne, before getting up, wearing a silk cloak covered in gold over his field marshall's uniform, also covered in gold. The crown was an assembly of hundreds of pieces of gold, each the thickness of a leaf and with emeralds studded in the center of each of the leaves. From the back of the crown, gold chains with tear drop shaped emeralds at the bottom sat there like hair.

The Shah's Crown (http://members.aol.com/ahreemanxii/images/c%20iran%20yazdgird%20iii.jpg)

The Shah walked up to the doors and two Immortals threw the massive gates open. The Shah then spoke, "I officially declare the Who Gives a Damn About Human Rights Club Party open!"

OOC: Just to show you what is going on here-

The Palace Entrance (http://www.persepolis3d.com/data_frameset/image_main/persepolis_TaL_09.jpg)
The Entrance Hall (http://www.golestanpalace.ir/images/pics/salam4.jpg)
The Dining Hall (http://www.golestanpalace.ir/images/pics/adj1.jpg)

Generalissimo J.L. entered the room, and solemnly saluted the Shah (http://www.geocities.com/mr_whud/GeneralissimoJL.JPG). "Greetings, my friend!" he said. "Long time, no see!"

The Shah returned the salute and spoke, "Thats true, it's been way too long. I would like to welcome you back to Persepolis as my honored guest. If you are staying more than a day, could I make my guest house avalible to you? I could show it to you if you would like, since I did a few things if you were staying, notably adding a root beer dispenser in the bedroom and a mug chiller for a cold glass on demand."

The Shah returned the salute and spoke, "Thats true, it's been way too long. I would like to welcome you back to Persepolis as my honored guest. If you are staying more than a day, could I make my guest house avalible to you? I could show it to you if you would like, since I did a few things if you were staying, notably adding a root beer dispenser in the bedroom and a mug chiller for a cold glass on demand."

"Thank you, my friend. In fact, I shall gladly purchase the house, so I may visit you and your great people whenever I want," J.L. said. "Oh, yes, I almost forgot, may I please have a root beer float?"

(OOC: Please check your mail when you get the chance. Thanks!)

"Thank you, my friend. In fact, I shall gladly purchase the house, so I may visit you and your great people whenever I want," J.L. said. "Oh, yes, I almost forgot, may I please have a root beer float?"

"It's my gift, I do hope that it meets your standards though. I like to make sure my guests are happy." The Shah showed a picture of the house (http://www.golestanpalace.ir/images/pics/bad2.jpg) to JL. "And the Root Beer float is coming right up, let me just grab a Shooban." The Shah saw a passing Shooban slave and ran up to it, holding his sword to the Shooban's neck and saying, "Get me two root beer floats or you die." Within thirty seconds, he had two, but still, the Shah walked over to the wall and pulled down on a sword, dropping the floor the Shooban was standing on and sending him down into the basement. The floor closed back up, before retracting into the walls, revealing a metal grate and a lighted room 10 feet by ten feet. On one side, there was a cage full of tigers. Turning to JL, he spoke, "How long do you think this will take?"

"It's my gift, I do hope that it meets your standards though. I like to make sure my guests are happy." The Shah showed a picture of the house (http://www.golestanpalace.ir/images/pics/bad2.jpg) to JL. "And the Root Beer float is coming right up, let me just grab a Shooban." The Shah saw a passing Shooban slave and ran up to it, holding his sword to the Shooban's neck and saying, "Get me two root beer floats or you die." Within thirty seconds, he had two, but still, the Shah walked over to the wall and pulled down on a sword, dropping the floor the Shooban was standing on and sending him down into the basement. The floor closed back up, before retracting into the walls, revealing a metal grate and a lighted room 10 feet by ten feet. On one side, there was a cage full of tigers. Turning to JL, he spoke, "How long do you think this will take?"

"For free?" The Generalissimo nearly fell out of his chair. "Thank you very, very much, my friend! Of course, you may have a mansion in RB."
He took a drink of the root beer float. "Delicious! Thanks." He laughed loudly as the Shooban's screams echoed beneath them. "If you don't mind, may I kill a few of your Shoobans?"

"For free?" The Generalissimo nearly fell out of his chair. "Thank you very, very much, my friend! Of course, you may have a mansion in RB."
He took a drink of the root beer float. "Delicious! Thanks." He laughed loudly as the Shooban's screams echoed beneath them. "If you don't mind, may I kill a few of your Shoobans?"

"Thank you my friend." The Shah then drank from the bubbling and creamy float before speaking in a relaxed tone. "The Shoobans are made for killing my friend. Go right ahead." The Shah then grabbed another random Shooban and tossed it into the tiger pit.

"Thanks, my friend." J.L. beckoned for a Shooban to come here.
"Yessum, Mastah Shah'z fwend?" it said, smiling and revealing hideously misshapen, crooked, protruding, pus-covered teeth with lichen growing on them.
Generalissimo J.L. gripped the Shooban's shoulders hard and spun the putrid creature around, so that its back was facing him. Then, he took a wrench out of his pocket, gripped the top vertebrae, and twisted it around, snapping it with a loud, sickening crack sound as the Shooban screamed in agony. He proceeded to break each vertebrae in this fashion, paralyzing the poor beast. Then, he turned the Shooban back around so that it was facing him. He dropped to his knees, holding the wrench tight in his hand, and with a grin, proceeded to do one final twist, which left the Shooban dead.
He stood up, brushing his hands off. "Thanks, my friend. That was most fun."

"And that was entertaining," said the Shah as he pushed the sword back up and allowed the floor to cover the pit again.

Generalissimo J.L. dragged a Shooban outside by the neck, and shoved it over to his men, who hauled it into a truck and drove way out into the desert, beneath the menacing glare of the scorchingly hot, searing Persian sun. They threw it into a transparent, impenetrable glass box, set up videocameras, kicked back, and laughed as it slowly melted in extreme pain. The event was delivered to the Shah's palace via satellite, so he and J.L. could watch.

Generalissimo J.L. turned on a portable TV he had brought, and he and the Shah watched as the Shooban, abandoned in the desert, roasted like a turkey in the glass box.

"Look at the poor thing's face!" J.L. exclaimed, laughing uproariously, laughing so hard he nearly wet himself.

The Shah rocked in his chair laughing as the Shooban roasted like a Kabob on a fire. Meanwhile, two servants walked in and talked, "What would thine majesties desire great Lords." The Shah spoke, "I'd like a glass of Shiraz wine, lamb kebabs, saffron rice, and a Montecristo #2." The servant turned to JL, "What does thy majesty desire?"

The Shah rocked in his chair laughing as the Shooban roasted like a Kabob on a fire. Meanwhile, two servants walked in and talked, "What would thine majesties desire great Lords." The Shah spoke, "I'd like a glass of Shiraz wine, lamb kebabs, saffron rice, and a Montecristo #2." The servant turned to JL, "What does thy majesty desire?"

Generalissimo J.L. winked at the Shah. "Excellent service, my friend." Clearing his throat, he said politely, "I would like a large plate of fettuccine alfredo, with chunks of lobster, crab, mussels, and shrimp, accompanied by two breadsticks and a bowl of caeser salad sprinkled with parmesan cheese, please."

Generalissimo J.L. winked at the Shah. "Excellent service, my friend." Clearing his throat, he said politely, "I would like a large plate of fettuccine alfredo, with chunks of lobster, crab, mussels, and shrimp, accompanied by two breadsticks and a bowl of caeser salad sprinkled with parmesan cheese, please."

The Servant bowed, and within about ten seconds, the plates were brought out and served. In bowls of gilded silver, the fettuccine and caesar salad were served with a gilded plate of breadsticks and a gilded mug full of root beer. On similar plates, the Shah's meal was served with the succulent bits of lamb sitting next to a mound of yellow and white rice. His wine glass was a goblet and filled near the top with dark red aromatic liquid while his cigar, lighter and cutter sat on the corner of the plate.

The Servant bowed, and within about ten seconds, the plates were brought out and served. In bowls of gilded silver, the fettuccine and caesar salad were served with a gilded plate of breadsticks and a gilded mug full of root beer. On similar plates, the Shah's meal was served with the succulent bits of lamb sitting next to a mound of yellow and white rice. His wine glass was a goblet and filled near the top with dark red aromatic liquid while his cigar, lighter and cutter sat on the corner of the plate.

"Thanks very much," J.L. said, and handed the servant a very generous tip. He raised his mug and toasted the Shah. "To RB, Parthia, and anticommunism," he said, taking a drink.

ooc: HEY! (tag) COMMUNISTS CAN BE JUST AS DISGUSTINGLY EVIL AS CAPITALISTS!

"Thanks very much," J.L. said, and handed the servant a very generous tip. He raised his mug and toasted the Shah. "To RB, Parthia, and anticommunism," he said, taking a drink.

The Shah raised his glass and then drank of his goblet.

The Shah raised his glass and then drank of his goblet.

"My friend, if it's not too much trouble, might I have a cigar, please?" J.L. asked.

Generalissimo J.L. snapped his fingers, and two servants walked in, carrying a recently painted portrait of Shah Khosru (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Theshah.jpg). "Is it to your liking, my friend?"

bump

J.L. finished the succulent, delicious meal, licking his lips in satisfaction. "Thank you very much, my friend, it was excellent," he said. "Please give my compliments to the chef. If it's not too much trouble, may I please have dessert, as well?"

As soon as JL asked, a servant wheeled in a table with a glass top, within, a humidor was built in with hundreds of cigars from all over the world within. Cohibas, Montecristos, Romeo y Julietas, and Bolivars from Cuba sat near Don Julians and Macanudos from the Dominican Republic.

The Shah admired the portrait and spoke, "Looks nice, I shall place it in my personal entertaining parlor so it may grace the presence of my special guests from all over the world and the highest nobles of Parthia. Oh, and if you need help picking out a cigar let me know."

As soon as JL asked, a servant wheeled in a table with a glass top, within, a humidor was built in with hundreds of cigars from all over the world within. Cohibas, Montecristos, Romeo y Julietas, and Bolivars from Cuba sat near Don Julians and Macanudos from the Dominican Republic.

The Shah admired the portrait and spoke, "Looks nice, I shall place it in my personal entertaining parlor so it may grace the presence of my special guests from all over the world and the highest nobles of Parthia. Oh, and if you need help picking out a cigar let me know."

"Which cigar would you recommend, my friend?" J.L. asked.

"Which cigar would you recommend, my friend?" J.L. asked.

"If you want strong, I'd take the Cohiba Esplendidos, Don Julians are medium to mild if you prefer that though. Cuban cigars are quite stronger. I will get dessert for you as well, I am glad you liked the meal." Two servants walked in and then, asked "Would your highness like dessert?" The Shah said, "sure, chay (Iranian Tea) sounds good, what do you want JL?"

"If you want strong, I'd take the Cohiba Esplendidos, Don Julians are medium to mild if you prefer that though. Cuban cigars are quite stronger. I will get dessert for you as well, I am glad you liked the meal." Two servants walked in and then, asked "Would your highness like dessert?" The Shah said, "sure, chay (Iranian Tea) sounds good, what do you want JL?"

J.L. took a Cuban cigar, lit it, and puffed it slowly. "Ahhh...this is nice," he said, his eyes glistening, as a smile slowly spread across his face. "Thanks." He turned to the servant. "May I have a French silk pie, please?"

J.L. dragged a Shooban over, thrust its head back, forced its mouth wide open, and then tapped his cigar, causing ashes to spill into its mouth. "Thanks, worm." He disemboweled the hapless creature with its scimitar, causing its bloody entrails to slither to the floor like fat albino snakes. "Sorry, Shah. Want me to clean this mess?"

J.L. took a Cuban cigar, lit it, and puffed it slowly. "Ahhh...this is nice," he said, his eyes glistening, as a smile slowly spread across his face. "Thanks." He turned to the servant. "May I have a French silk pie, please?"

"Of course, I shall be right back with the chay and the French silk pie." The Shah lit up his Cohiba cigar and puffed away, looking at the door as the servant came back with the tea and the pie. The tea was served black, without cream or sugar. It was a weaker tea served at a hot but drinkable temperature. Next to it, was a halva. With a drink of his bitter tea, the Shah then took a bit of the halva and ate the sweet dessert.

"Of course, I shall be right back with the chay and the French silk pie." The Shah lit up his Cohiba cigar and puffed away, looking at the door as the servant came back with the tea and the pie. The tea was served black, without cream or sugar. It was a weaker tea served at a hot but drinkable temperature. Next to it, was a halva. With a drink of his bitter tea, the Shah then took a bit of the halva and ate the sweet dessert.

"Thanks," J.L. said, giving the servant another tip. He took a bite. "My friend, I think I died and went to Heaven," he said, his eyes glazed.

J.L. dragged a Shooban over, thrust its head back, forced its mouth wide open, and then tapped his cigar, causing ashes to spill into its mouth. "Thanks, worm." He disemboweled the hapless creature with its scimitar, causing its bloody entrails to slither to the floor like fat albino snakes. "Sorry, Shah. Want me to clean this mess?"

"No, I have an idea." The Shah called over another Shooban, the child of the Shooban killed and then forced the child to eat the body of the parent while the Shah pointed his gun at the head of the child. When the task was done, two Immortals dragged the Shooban to the trap door and pulled the lever, letting the child go into the tiger pit.

"No, I have an idea." The Shah called over another Shooban, the child of the Shooban killed and then forced the child to eat the body of the parent while the Shah pointed his gun at the head of the child. When the task was done, two Immortals dragged the Shooban to the trap door and pulled the lever, letting the child go into the tiger pit.

J.L. laughed hysterically. "My friend, that was brilliant!"

J.L. laughed hysterically. "My friend, that was brilliant!"

"Thank you, we like to be creative in how we use Shoobans."

OOC: Where is everyone?

"Thank you, we like to be creative in how we use Shoobans."

OOC: Where is everyone?

(OOC: I don't know. Let's start sending out TGs.)

Emperor Antonius threw open the door to the mini fridge in the Imperial throne room. It was empty. Horrified, he rushed up the twelve flights of stairs to his personal chamber, where he kept a second stock of booze in a massive liquor cabinet. He took a minute to catch his breath before opening the enormous oak cabinet doors. Empty again. Antonius's eyes widened and he gasped, almost breaking down there on the spot, before he remembered the palace wine cellars.

He rushed down the twelve flights of stairs again, pausing only once to catch his breath, to reach the enormous stone doors that led to the lower levels. He threw open the doors and rushed inside, only to discover that, to his utmost dismay, the shelves upon shelves once used to store all manner of alcoholic delights, were completely empty.

Antonius fell to his knees and threw his arms to the heavens.

"WHY!!!!?????"

Hearing the horrendous sounds of the broken man, Lord Varus followed the ruckus and entered the cellar to find Antonius curled up in a corner, utterly terrified and confused by his fate. He spoke hoarsely as he saw Varus.

"Varus, come..closer..."

Varus rushed to Antonius's side and knelt.

"Uncle, what is it?"

"The booze, Varus...so horrible....the booze is...gone!"

"Why, yes lord, you found that out last night, remember?"

"But, why Varus? Why?"

"Well, Lord, you drank it all. But not to worry, uncle. There's a grand party at the Shah's palace for the 'Who Gives a Damn About Human rights Club.'"

Antonius snapped to his senses and looked quizzically at Varus.

"Are we members?"

"Well I would suppose so, my lord, seeing as we certainly don't give a damn about human rights."

Antonius got to his feet and dusted himself off.

"Hmm, I suppose we don't, now do we? Well, in any case, off I go. Get my transportation ready."

"Yes, Lord."

----------------

Antonius's massive zeppelin touched down on the Persepolis palace lawn. The Emperor, clad in a black and red military uniform, stepped out and looked up at the palace. He let out a low whistle.

"They're bound to have booze in there."

Leaving his detachment of Praetorian Guardsmen, he rushed off towards the door, not unlike a child spying a candy store.

Seeing how his country had just become a Technate(That means it's uberly-smart), Steve just warped into the room that the Shah was in and said.

"I gotta hand it to ya, Shah, this place doesn't smell as much like shit as I thought it would."

The Immortals at the door parted aside, allowing Varus and Antonius to pass through into the reception room. The Shah walked over and spoke after a bow to both of them, "My friends, welcome to Persepolis. Feel free to ask for anything you need and kill of as many Shoobans as you like."

The Shah then turned to Steve, "Thank you, my palace smells to me like rose oil, wine, and saffron. Perhaps something is missing. Would you like to see the Peacock Throne or perhaps the Darya-e Noor, maybe even a few other gems of "cultural interest"?"

Emperor Antonius motioned to a waiter and asked for a bottle of Black Death Vodka, before helping himself to a Montecristo from the Shah's mobile humidor. He accepted a light from a servant before taking a seat in an armchair. He spied a group of Shooban slaves cowering in the corner, and motioned for them to come closer.

"You, kneel!"

Antonius put his feet up on the back of the hapless beast as he exhaled a ring of smoke that wreathed his face. He pointed a menacing finger at the other two.

"You two, fight to the death!"

There was a brief flicker of light, then a more substantial flash.

Then Farmina's most senior, not to mention eccentric professor appeared mid centre of the room holding a toaster. Not the same toaster mind you, a different one, the latest model in Farmina, wouldn’t be coming out for another week.

“Wrong again,” muttered the Professor, “I’ll never get to the presentation at this rate.”

Professor Walter looked around recognising several of the guests and the room.

“I’ve been here before,” he muttered to himself, “This is the party I went to last month. Bah, I told my wife to stop messing with the toaster.”

He walked up to the Shah and asked rather bluntly, “Do you know if I have arrived yet?”

Antonius watched as the Professor materialized in the center of the room. He muttered something as he drained the last of the vodka.

"I know that guy. I think I gave him money. Damned beggars..."

There was a brief flicker of light, then a more substantial flash.

Then Farmina's most senior, not to mention eccentric professor appeared mid centre of the room holding a toaster. Not the same toaster mind you, a different one, the latest model in Farmina, wouldn’t be coming out for another week.

“Wrong again,” muttered the Professor, “I’ll never get to the presentation at this rate.”

Professor Walter looked around recognising several of the guests and the room.

“I’ve been here before,” he muttered to himself, “This is the party I went to last month. Bah, I told my wife to stop messing with the toaster.”

He walked up to the Shah and asked rather bluntly, “Do you know if I have arrived yet?”

"Your in Persepolis, would you like a drink?"

A lone Lizardman HALO jumper in black combat armor hopped out of a G80 at 85,000 feet.

He landed on the roof of the palace after deploying his foldable glider wing thinggies.

He then climbed down the side of the palace, kicked in a window and greeted the crowd.

"Hello there. Guess who I am."

The Jumper crushed some broken glass to powder in his fist, and rammed the powder down a Shooban's throat, causing the poor creature to start vomiting blood immediately.

"Ohh, the Great Leader Li. Nice to meet you." Meanwhile, the Shah removed his sword from his sheath and sliced a Shooban at the ankles, sending the beast toppling to the sider without feet attatched to the bloody stubs for legs.

The Great Leader, without missing a beat, held the Shooban upside down by the legs in one hand and gutted it.

He then tore out the intestines of the dead shooban and made it into a hangman's noose.

"Now who wants me to kill another shooban?"

The Great Leader, without missing a beat, held the Shooban upside down by the legs in one hand and gutted it.

He then tore out the intestines of the dead shooban and made it into a hangman's noose.

"Now who wants me to kill another shooban?"
"Me, me, me!"

"Ah, so you're the Great Leader Li, eh?" J.L. said. "You look kinda like a deinonychus."

"Hmm... alrighty then."

6 Imperial Guards appeared from the same hole that the Great Leader made.

One guard held the Shooban while the Great Leader slipped the noose around the Shooban's ankles and pulled it tightly into place.

"Take the chandelier off of the ceiling."

After the Chandelier was removed, the Shooban was hung from the ceiling, dangling at about chest height for the Lizards.

The Great Leader smashed what was left of a windowpane to get a rather sharp piece of glass.

He jammed that right into the center of the Shooban's eye, then twisted it around, causing the Shooban to shriek in pain.

Then the Great Leader grabbed a wooden piece (Cedar, so it splinters) of the broken window frame around 16 inches long, sharpened it with his claws and shoved up it the Shooban's anal cavity as far as he could.

"Li, although our political ideologies differ, our love of killing Shoobans is one thing we have in common," J.L. said, laughing heartily as he puffed his cigar.

"Yup... I learned the sodomy with a sharp object technique from one of your torturers, I must credit you with a decent method."

The Great Leader shoved an amphetamine pill into the Shooban's mouth, then sliced THROUGH (not off, THROUGH) the testicles of the Shooban, before slicing off its lips and pulling out its teeth, one by one, then ripping out its tounge and genioglossus bone.

A guard pointed the Shooban towards the other Shoobans and removed the windowframe piece, sending bloody fecal matter spraying everyhwere.

Wtf are Shoobans anyway?

"Yup... I learned the sodomy with a sharp object technique from one of your torturers, I must credit you with a decent method."

The Great Leader shoved an amphetamine pill into the Shooban's mouth, then sliced THROUGH (not off, THROUGH) the testicles of the Shooban, before slicing off its lips and pulling out its teeth, one by one, then ripping out its tounge and genioglossus bone.

A guard pointed the Shooban towards the other Shoobans and removed the windowframe piece, sending bloody fecal matter spraying everyhwere.

The Generalissimo laughed hysterically, his eyes flooded with tears, his face dark red, his stomach wrenching in agony from laughing so hard. He could barely restrain his bladder. "Brilliant!" he cried, slapping his knee, as he threw his head back and uttered a high-pitched laugh.

Wtf are Shoobans anyway?

http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=395016&page=1&pp=15

The Great Leader twisted the Shooban's nose sideways, breaking it in a dozen places, before ripping it off and shoving it down its esophagus. The he tore the Shooban's jaw in half down the middle like a wishbone and dislocated it so that the 2 halves dangled like wind chimes.

Then he cut a slit from its belly button to its pubic bone.

"Alrighty, in order to continue, i'll need 5 gallons of water and a bag of sea salt.... Aw what the hell, i'll improvise."

The Great Leader took 2 Shoobans and ordered them to urinate down the throat of victimized Shooban.

Then he smashed the victim's bladder with his fist, causing it to explode. Salty Shooban urine sprayed directly into open body cavities causing the most horrific screams to date.

"And since you taught me the sharp object sodomy technique, I will teach you the following, the best position of torture is not on the back, but dangling from the feet, thus allowing the back to be subjected to torture."

The Great Leader twisted the Shooban's nose sideways, breaking it in a dozen places, before ripping it off and shoving it down its esophagus. The he tore the Shooban's jaw in half down the middle like a wishbone and dislocated it so that the 2 halves dangled like wind chimes.

Then he cut a slit from its belly button to its pubic bone.

"Alrighty, in order to continue, i'll need 5 gallons of water and a bag of sea salt.... Aw what the hell, i'll improvise."

The Great Leader took 2 Shoobans and ordered them to urinate down the throat of victimized Shooban.

Then he smashed the victim's bladder with his fist, causing it to explode. Salty Shooban urine sprayed directly into open body cavities causing the most horrific screams to date.

"And since you taught me the sharp object sodomy technique, I will teach you the following, the best position of torture is not on the back, but dangling from the feet, thus allowing the back to be subjected to torture."

"Thank you for the tip, my friend," J.L. said, decapitating a nearby Shooban for no reason.

The Shah laughed heartily, rolling on the ground from the comedy of it.

If it's okay, can we send a team of our S.S. guards to this little party? They need...training....

The Great Leader yanked out the floating ribs of the Shooban and stuck them both into the shoulder joints (and nerves) of the Shooban.

"Anyway... what's this club about?"

The Great Leader rubbed broken glass into the Shooban's other eye.

There was a "SNAP!" sound heard as the Great Leader ripped off both ears of the Shooban.

The Great Leader went on to dislocate every one of the Shooban's vertebrae, ripped out the Shooban's upper jaw and palate, and then finally, finishing it off by swinging open its ribcage and tearing its still beating heart from its chest cavity.

"Your in Persepolis, would you like a drink?"

"I am?" asked the Professor, "I don't remember being in Persepolis. I think I'll need a large scotch."

J.L. bellowed at a Shooban, "Get me another root beer float THIS INSTANT, worm, or I'll hack your filthy body to pieces!"

"Meh... I'll ask later... meanwhile... I'll have a..."

The Great Leader turned to a Shooban.

"Go down to the stables and get me a newborn foal, hurry up with it too. And also, bring 6 veal calves up. I want this all within 3 minutes."

(OOC: MassPwnage, please check the South Africa thread. Thanks!)

J.L. slashed off another Shooban's head.

"JL, I nearly forgot," said the Professor, "I have a few things for you. Here's a DVD, showing every detail of General Blivx's execution. I know you enjoyed it the first time. This edition also includes his routine torturing. And here is a leather bound copy of my book. And the other billion have been shipped to your palace."

Professor Walter then handed over a very large book from inside his suit jacket, with a DVD tied to the back.

"JL, I nearly forgot," said the Professor, "I have a few things for you. Here's a DVD, showing every detail of General Blivx's execution. I know you enjoyed it the first time. This edition also includes his routine torturing. And here is a leather bound copy of my book. And the other billion have been shipped to your palace."

Professor Walter then handed over a very large book from inside his suit jacket, with a DVD tied to the back.

"Thank you, my friend," J.L. said. "I will distribute the copies throughout my country at once. People must learn to adjust to autocracy."

President Holtz entered the building."Hello, everyone!" .His face then dropped and he stared very grimly at the slaughter of the Shoobans. "You know, they are human beings, too. I thought this club's name meant, "Who gives a damn about civil rights, not the mass slaughter of an innocent people." He snarled.

President Holtz entered the building."Hello, everyone!" .His face then dropped and he stared very grimly at the slaughter of the Shoobans. "You know, they are human beings, too. I thought this club's name meant, "Who gives a damn about civil rights, not the mass slaughter of an innocent people." He snarled.

OOC/IC:

Shoobans aren't really people.

"Thank you, my friend," J.L. said. "I will distribute the copies throughout my country at once. People must learn to adjust to autocracy."

Karl then said, "Yes....they must learn to repsect their betters. Otherwise, they can meet the cane, or the cross...."

Karl then said, "Yes....they must learn to repsect their betters. Otherwise, they can meet the cane, or the cross...."

"Did you bring Kimiko?" J.L. asked. "Because Chong and the rest of my Cabinet are here, as well. They're shopping downtown."

"Did you bring Kimiko?" J.L. asked. "Because Chong and the rest of my Cabinet are here, as well. They're shopping downtown."

Karl said, "No, but I can call her, she'll be down in a moment..."

He did just that, whipping out a Motorola Razr and calling Kimiko.

Five minutes later, a screeching sound, like that of a motor scooter, was heard, and Kimiko waltzed in, wearing a Mod suit.

She smiled and said, "Soo....how's it goin?"

OOC: This is what Kimiko is wearing, a Mod-style suit (girl in center):

http://www.ukquad.com/quadrophenia.jpg

Karl said, "No, but I can call her, she'll be down in a moment..."

He did just that, whipping out a Motorola Razr and calling Kimiko.

Five minutes later, a screeching sound, like that of a motor scooter, was heard, and Kimiko waltzed in, wearing a Mod suit.

She smiled and said, "Soo....how's it goin?"

OOC: This is what Kimiko is wearing, a Mod-style suit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Quadrophenia_movie.jpg

Moua walked over, and casually slid his arm around her waist. "Hey, baby..." he said.

Kimiko smiled and said, "How's it goin, babe?"

Kimiko smiled and said, "How's it goin, babe?"

Panting heavily, his eyes glazed, an enormous, lopsided, shit-eating grin on his face, his heart hammering away so loudly she could hear it, he grunted, "Oh, baby, I've missed you so much!" He began lustily smooching her.

Panting heavily, his eyes glazed, an enormous, lopsided, shit-eating grin on his face, his heart hammering away so loudly she could hear it, he grunted, "Oh, baby, I've missed you so much!" He began lustily smooching her.

Kimiko said to J.L.: "Who's managing this party? And do they have a room where we can take this in private?"

Kimiko said to J.L.: "Who's managing this party? And do they have a room where we can take this in private?"

"Shah Khosru is, and yes, there is a room." He tossed them a pair of keys. "Have fun, kids."

"JL, did I tell you I'm planning on setting up my own empire? Since a child like Justinian has one, why shouldn't I? I have worked so hard for my years, which are great in number. An empire is an appropiate reward for such work, don't you think?"

"JL, did I tell you I'm planning on setting up my own empire? Since a child like Justinian has one, why shouldn't I? I have worked so hard for my years, which are great in number. An empire is an appropiate reward for such work, don't you think?"

"That's excellent! I wish you the best of luck, my friend. Would you like some help?" J.L. asked.

Out of the blue, Steve just screamed, "Freedom to the Fish Mongers!" and stabbed a few Shoobans, put a fish on his head, and did an Irish Jig.

When he was done, he pulled out a Laptop computer, clicked on a program, and the Computer suddenly said, "We need foooood!"

In reply, Steve said, "DAMMIT! You ALWAYS need food!" He then clicked a few buttons, a scream was heard, and then Steve movied his mouse up and down really fast. He then clicked the mouse, a whoosh was heard, and then the sound of a large fire and the screams of young children came out.

"Heh heh heh...

"Oh, Shah? Do you have any Red Bull? This game is going to go on for ages..."

OOC: If you don't know what game I'm talking about, you probably have a life or aren't a big computer game person.

"That's excellent! I wish you the best of luck, my friend. Would you like some help?" J.L. asked.

"I always like help," said the Professor, "I doubt Justinian is going to lend me his army, stingy kid, and it would help pay off your small debt on those books."

The Shoobans arrived, carrying root beers and the menagerie of animals. One arrived with a tray containing a selection of hypercaffinated drinks. The Shah spoke, "I have bawls, jolt, red bull, and coffee. Take your pick from the Shooban."

The Shoobans arrived, carrying root beers and the menagerie of animals. One arrived with a tray containing a selection of hypercaffinated drinks. The Shah spoke, "I have bawls, jolt, red bull, and coffee. Take your pick from the Shooban."

"Hmmmm....." said Steve. After a few minutes, he grabbed all four, poured them into a drink mixer that he ALSO got out of thing air. He then turned it on, added a few ice cubes, and then poured the slush into his Slushie Cup.

"Mmmmm!"

The Shoobans arrived, carrying root beers and the menagerie of animals. One arrived with a tray containing a selection of hypercaffinated drinks. The Shah spoke, "I have bawls, jolt, red bull, and coffee. Take your pick from the Shooban."
"I asked for a large scotch ten minutes ago," yelled Professor Walter, at a Shooban who had nothing to do with his order.

The Professor pulled out his retracted metal walking stick and pressed a button, leading to it expanding into its full length. The Professor then smashed his walking stick into one of the Shooban's kneecaps, creating a distinct crunching sound.

"That'll teach you not to get my order," said the Professor. He then swung his walking stick into the other knee, harder and more furious this time.

A third blow came down into the Shoobans crutch.

"Now get my drink."

The Professor walked over to the Shah, while standing still and talking to JL, and said, "I may have damaged one of your livestock. This should cover all the costs."

The Professor then reached into his purse, yes a purse, and pulled out a jacket button.

"I think you will find this more than reasonable," he said, handing over the jacket button to the Shah.

"Of course it is." Said the Shah.

Meanwhile, a Shooban came in with a big glass of scotch on a tray.

"Of course it is." Said the Shah.

Meanwhile, a Shooban came in with a big glass of scotch on a tray.

"Good man," said the Professor, grabbing the glass of scotch, "Here's to...umm."

"Good man," said the Professor, grabbing the glass of scotch, "Here's to...umm."

"GOD DAMMIT, WHY WON'T YOU VILLAGERS DIE?!?!? WHYYYYYYY!?!?!" yelled Steve at his laptop. Then, embarrased, he turned towards the Professor, raised his Slushie, and said, "To the uh... amount of fun it is to burn people!"

"GOD DAMMIT, WHY WON'T YOU VILLAGERS DIE?!?!? WHYYYYYYY!?!?!" yelled Steve at his laptop. Then, embarrased, he turned towards the Professor, raised his Slushie, and said, "To the uh... amount of fun it is to burn people!"

"To the amount of fun it is to burn people," said the Professor, raising his scotch glass high in the air.

Professor Walter pulled out a sign (on a signpost) and a hammer, and began trying to hammer the sign post into the ground.

The sign read:

Toaster rides

$5 for children
$10 for adults
$50 for pensioners

Scribbled at the bottom in dark texta was:

Friends free

"So, how go things in your nations?" J.L. asked. "I'm doing remarkably well. Recently, I added two new nations to my empire. Botswana and Chad are now RB territories."

"So, how go things in your nations?" J.L. asked. "I'm doing remarkably well. Recently, I added two new nations to my empire. Botswana and Chad are now RB territories."

"I don't have a nation...yet," said the Professor, in a mildly sulky fashion.

"I don't have a nation...yet," said the Professor, in a mildly sulky fashion.

"You will soon," the Generalissimo said. "Whatever aid you require- be it moral, economic, military, or other- I shall gladly provide it."

"You will soon," the Generalissimo said. "Whatever aid you require- be it moral, economic, military, or other- I shall gladly provide it."

"Your so great, I could just hug you," said Walter, "But men hugging is punishable by death in Farmina."

"Your so great, I could just hug you," said Walter, "But men hugging is punishable by death in Farmina."

J.L. chuckled. "And I'll give you a billion Shoobans for free. That way, you won't have to pay any workers, and your economy will go BOOM! right through the roof!"

J.L. chuckled. "And I'll give you a billion Shoobans for free. That way, you won't have to pay any workers, and your economy will go BOOM! right through the roof!"

"Good man," laughed the Professor, "I was thinking Western France would be a great little place to carve out a nation."

His tone turned sour, "I want out of Farmina, true I have so much there but things are going bad. The election result wasn't pleasant and I have a massive tax bill, due to a loophole in Farminan law."

"Good man," laughed the Professor, "I was thinking Western France would be a great little place to carve out a nation."

His tone turned sour, "I want out of Farmina, true I have so much there but things are going bad. The election result wasn't pleasant and I have a massive tax bill, due to a loophole in Farminan law."

"I see." Generalissimo J.L. nodded gravely. "Anything I can do to help?"

"I see." Generalissimo J.L. nodded gravely. "Anything I can do to help?"

"My tax bill is half a quadrillion dollars, so no," said Walter, "I should never have allowed a sale which could not be paid for. With regard to the election, you will have to ask Justinian not me, but I fear not, the Fascists are very powerful now and the Socialists lurk in the shadows."

"My tax bill is half a quadrillion dollars, so no," said Walter, "I should never have allowed a sale which could not be paid for. With regard to the election, you will have to ask Justinian not me, but I fear not, the Fascists are very powerful now and the Socialists lurk in the shadows."

"The only good socialist is a dead socialist," the Generalissimo said.

"The only good socialist is a dead socialist," the Generalissimo said.

"Many are waiting trial, some have been executed already, but others live on," said the Professor, "They are no where as easy to stanp out as the communists were."

"So, how go things in your nations?" J.L. asked. "I'm doing remarkably well. Recently, I added two new nations to my empire. Botswana and Chad are now RB territories."

"In uh... that 'Earth II' thing, I now control Numidia(North-west Algeria, for you un-civilized types), Carthage(Tunisia), Western Sicily, a city on Sardinia, the Northern half of India, Sri Lanka, the North-East of Afghanistan, Tajikstan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, and Palau!" said Steve cheerfully before he slurped down some more of his slurpie.

"We need offspring!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" screamed Steve at his laptop. "Alright, you guys have asked for it!" Steve then clicked on the "Fireball" miracle and clicked it 20 times, setting his entire village aflame. In 5 seconds, 72 people(out of 210 villagers) were aflame, as well as 70% of the buildings!

"Oh dear!"

"Shut up, good conscience."

"I was always thought Conservatives were right and everyone else was wrong, but now people seem to be voting for other blocks," said Professor Walter, "Why can't everything be black and white?"

"I was always thought Conservatives were right and everyone else was wrong, but now people seem to be voting for other blocks," said Professor Walter, "Why can't everything be black and white?"

OOC: Bingo :D

The Shah walked over and talked to Steve, "Hey, do you want to see the royal jewels?"

The Shah walked over and talked to Steve, "Hey, do you want to see the royal jewels?"

"Uh...

I hope you are referring to the Jewels that come out of the ground..."

"Shah, do you have any communists imprisoned? I have a sudden urge to go on a Marxist-killing spree," J.L. said.

"Uh...

I hope you are referring to the Jewels that come out of the ground..."

"Of course, the other kind are not for display."

The Shah turned to JL, "Most certainly, but they are getting rarer since what is left of the Tudeh (Parthian Communist Party) is locked up in Persepolis prison and Evin Prison of Tehran. Theres less than 5,000 left, but I can bring in 500 from Persepolis for your killing pleasure."

"Of course, the other kind are not for display."

The Shah turned to JL, "Most certainly, but they are getting rarer since what is left of the Tudeh (Parthian Communist Party) is locked up in Persepolis prison and Evin Prison of Tehran. Theres less than 5,000 left, but I can bring in 500 from Persepolis for your killing pleasure."

"Thank you, my friend," J.L. said, sharpening some of his knives.

The Great Leader glared up from his messy dinner. He glared menacingly at the Shogun and then turned to the Shah.

"How about victims we can all... agree on... like... ooh.. REDNECKS!"

More Imperial Guards somehow appeared out thin air, because i'm too lazy to RP them.

They were leading Mississippian prisoners, men, women and children with them.

"Shah Khosru is, and yes, there is a room." He tossed them a pair of keys. "Have fun, kids."

Kimiko smiled and said to Moua: "Let's take this out back.....out of prying eyes."

Kimiko smiled and said to Moua: "Let's take this out back.....out of prying eyes."

Moua nodded eagerly.

(OOC: Could we start the wedding thread today?)

ooc: UX, get online.

"What? No one wants to torture rednecks?"

Moua nodded eagerly.

(OOC: Could we start the wedding thread today?)

OOC: Sure....could you start it, please?

OOC: Sure....could you start it, please?

(OOC: Sure.)

The Great Leader glared up from his messy dinner. He glared menacingly at the Shogun and then turned to the Shah.

"How about victims we can all... agree on... like... ooh.. REDNECKS!"

More Imperial Guards somehow appeared out thin air, because i'm too lazy to RP them.

They were leading Mississippian prisoners, men, women and children with them.


Ohh, looks fun. Racist White people. Lets insult their sensibilities first though.

ooc: UX, get online.

"What? No one wants to torture rednecks?"

"I do," J.L. said. He took a red-hot iron, and began gently brushing it against the back of one of their necks. "I'll make him a REAL redneck!"

"I could really kill some fascists," muttered Professor Walter.

"I could really kill some fascists," muttered Professor Walter.

"E-gads!

A Socialist!" exclaied Steve as he reached for his Shotgun.

"You have to the count of three to take back what j00 said, Socialist scumbag!"

"E-gads!

A Socialist!" exclaied Steve as he reached for his Shotgun.

"You have to the count of three to take back what j00 said, Socialist scumbag!"

"Have you no idea whats happening in my nation?" asked Walter.

OOC: This is whats happening:
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=407708

"Have you no idea whats happening in my nation?" asked Walter.

OOC: This is whats happening:
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=407708

"I know what is happening, biiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaatch.

"But I'm a facist technocrat! You said you wanted to Kill a Facist, and the only people who hate Facists are marxists.

2 Seconds, bub."

"I know what is happening, biiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaatch.

"But I'm a facist technocrat! You said you wanted to Kill a Facist, and the only people who hate Facists are marxists.

2 Seconds, bub."

"Well I was specifically refering to the Farminan Fascist Parties. I don't have anything against anti-sematism, just having my old friends face the death penalty," said Walter.

"Well I was specifically refering to the Farminan Fascist Parties. I don't have anything against anti-sematism, just having my old friends face the death penalty," said Walter.

Steve cocked the Shotgun.

"ARGH! Yet another lie! Facists are not anti-semitic(if we were(we refers to Carthaginians) we'd be killing ourselves)! Only the Nazi's were!"

Steve cocked the Shotgun.

"ARGH! Yet another lie! Facists are not anti-semitic(if we were(we refers to Carthaginians) we'd be killing ourselves)! Only the Nazi's were!"

Walter stood up and walked right over to Steve and pulled out his retracted walking stick.

"When I was your age, I had some respect. Now days people are so arrogant..."

Walter stood up and walked right over to Steve and pulled out his retracted walking stick.

"When I was your age, I had some respect. Now days people are so arrogant..."

"It's the Punjabi in me.

Back to seriousness, though, I would give you some respect if you didn't just say that you wanted to kill a facist, which would have meant killing one of my brethren."

"It's the Punjabi in me.

Back to seriousness, though, I would give you some respect if you didn't just say that you wanted to kill a facist, which would have meant killing one of my brethren."

"They seem to want me dead, its fair," said the Professor.

The Great Leader finished off his horse.

"Calm down there... Take your rage out on these rednecks."

8 human imperial guards walked in, 3 of them, the female ones began to severely offend the sensibilities of the Mississippian prisoners by stripping naked and dancing in sexually suggestive ways in front of their faces.

The Mississippian prisoners began to scream and pray at the same time, because according to their religion, their eyes were soiled and their souls would be condemned to hell, or something like that.

"Take this," yelled Professor Walter, pressing the button on his walking stick, causing it to expand right into a Missippissian's crutch.

The Great Leader finished off his horse.

"Calm down there... Take your rage out on these rednecks."

8 human imperial guards walked in, 3 of them, the female ones began to severely offend the sensibilities of the Mississippian prisoners by stripping naked and dancing in sexually suggestive ways in front of their faces.

The Mississippian prisoners began to scream and pray at the same time, because according to their religion, their eyes were soiled and their souls would be condemned to hell, or something like that.


The Shah laughed as the rednecks shrieked. Then walked over to the Imperial Guard women, "Hey, I'm the guy in charge here, do you three want a drink?"

"Red necks, eh?" said Steve as he walked over to the Mississippians. Examining one, he looked it in the eye and said, "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!" and set him on fire. He then threw him full speed towards the dancing female officers(who soon caught on fire as well.)

"Meh, people like that aren't people," he said(refferring to the charred bodies of the females) "They think with their genatalia.

"Don't worry, though. I can take their remains and make them into cyborgs. At least then they will be worthy of being near me...

"Oh how I love machines."

"Shove it bitch..."

The prisoners were squirming on the ground, exhausted from screaming, the 3 guards began change into black tight fitting t-shirts and black short shorts.

"Shove it bitch..."

The prisoners were squirming on the ground, exhausted from screaming, the 3 guards began change into black tight fitting t-shirts and black short shorts.

"Uh...are those the guards I set on fire and are now charred corpses?"

ooc: ehmm... i posted that right after you finished typing that.

The flaming Mississippian missed and ended up igniting a few Shoobans.

Anyway... 2 Imperial Guards pulled out their BR-2B 18x121mm carbines and began firing what were basically anti-armor bullets at Steve at point blank range.

They had 100 round drums too.

ooc: ehmm... i posted that right after you finished typing that.

The flaming Mississippian missed and ended up igniting a few Shoobans.

"Sigh" said Steve, and then he pulled out a Luger and shot the three soldiers in the head.

"I'll make them into Cyborgs for free."

Steve sighed again.

"You cannot beat me!" he shouted, and then he jumped 20 feet into the air and came crashing down on the guards. Blades came out of his arms and choped off the guards heads.

"That is the power of a Cyborg, my friend. If you wan't, I'll add these guys in too."

bump

The Shah threw away what was left of his cigar into the mouth of a Shooban. The animal screamed as hot ash burned its throat.

The Shah threw away what was left of his cigar into the mouth of a Shooban. The animal screamed as hot ash burned its throat.

J.L. laughed. "My friend, have you ever noticed that, no matter how many times you kill Shoobans, it never, ever gets boring?"

J.L. laughed. "My friend, have you ever noticed that, no matter how many times you kill Shoobans, it never, ever gets boring?"

"That is true, I bet it is because we find more creative ways to do it every time."

"That is true, I bet it is because we find more creative ways to do it every time."

J.L. chuckled. "It is indeed a great hobby. Thiensiri is starting to get into it, too."

"I have the great purge on DVD," said Professor Walter handing out copies.

OOC: I am talking about what happened here:
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=408635 First post
OR
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=407708 Page 3 (currently last post)

"I have the great purge on DVD," said Professor Walter handing out copies.

OOC: I am talking about what happened here:
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=408635 First post
OR
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=407708 Page 3 (currently last post)

"Awesome," J.L. said, accepting a copy. "Let's all watch them together, right now!"

He gripped a Shooban's throat. "Go fix us some popcorn, worm!"

The Shooban ran off and appeared in 15 seconds carrying a big sack of popcorn. But the Shah walked up to him and stabbed him in the spine with a dagger for taking too long. The Shooban screamed, and then died in a pool of blood.

Steve grabbed the Shoobans body and said, "Don't worry, J.L., my cyborg powers aren't useless!" He then used his laser eyes to turn the Shooban into the butteriest, most flavorfullest popcorn ever.

"Here, have a bowl.

Now, excuse me while I go watch Ghost in the Shell-Stand Alone Complex-Second Gig". And with that, Steve took a bowl of popcorn, sat down with his back against the wall, took out his laptop, plugged in his headphones, clicked a few buttons, and began to happily watch his anime.

"Awesome," J.L. said, accepting a copy. "Let's all watch them together, right now!"

He gripped a Shooban's throat. "Go fix us some popcorn, worm!"

"I must say, I haven't seen it yet. I was busy on the day of the purge and only saw exerts. Should be good," said Professor Walter.

Steve grabbed the Shoobans body and said, "Don't worry, J.L., my cyborg powers aren't useless!" He then used his laser eyes to turn the Shooban into the butteriest, most flavorfullest popcorn ever.

"Here, have a bowl.

Now, excuse me while I go watch Ghost in the Shell-Stand Alone Complex-Second Gig". And with that, Steve took a bowl of popcorn, sat down with his back against the wall, took out his laptop, plugged in his headphones, clicked a few buttons, and began to happily watch his anime.


Meanwhile, several servants paraded by in front of Steve carrying the Peacock throne (http://www.cigem.ca/treasure/big/DSCF0001.JPG) and the Darya-E-Noor diamond (http://www.cigem.ca/treasure/big/DSCF0025.JPG) to the treasury for safekeeping while ten Immortals looked sternly on.

"Sweet diamond and chair," said Steve as he watched his anime. After a few minutes, Steve began to giggle. "Heh, silly Tachikoma..."

"Sweet diamond and chair," said Steve as he watched his anime. After a few minutes, Steve began to giggle. "Heh, silly Tachikoma..."

"Oh, Thank you. One of my ancestors appropriated it from er... nevermind. But they are nice aren't they?"

"Oh, Thank you. One of my ancestors appropriated it from er... nevermind. But they are nice aren't they?"

"It seems your ancestors liked shiney objects. All I got is a Funky fort (http://www.islamicity.com/Culture/MOSQUES/Asia/lahore.JPG). Well, there were shiney things inside, but you need alot of materials to make a Cyborg, and since I are t3h uber-cyborg..."

"It seems your ancestors liked shiney objects. All I got is a Funky fort (http://www.islamicity.com/Culture/MOSQUES/Asia/lahore.JPG). Well, there were shiney things inside, but you need alot of materials to make a Cyborg, and since I are t3h uber-cyborg..."

"Yes, there certainly used to be shiny things there... I wonder where they went... ah well, if you notice anything belonging to you in some strange land, let me know."

Walter looked over at the Shah and Steve, "You remind of a pair boys playing with your toys. Although my oldest is barely a boy these days. He is doing his PhD. This is him. After that there are the twins..."

Walter looked over at the Shah and Steve, "You remind of a pair boys playing with your toys. Although my oldest is barely a boy these days. He is doing his PhD. This is him. After that there are the twins..."

"I never got to have a family. My...errr...parts were blown up by communists. As well as 67% of my body. Hence, y'know, the Cyborg part....

Anyhoo, do any of them play sports? I have a nephew who's big into sports." Maybe we could, y'know, set up a game..."

Suddenly, Steves face light up with excitment.

"Oooooooooooh! We could have a WGADAHRC picnic! There'd be food, games for the little ones, Shooban hunting for the older ones, swimming for everyone...

"And at the end we can roast Hot Dogs(or Kosher dogs, for those who can't eat pork) over a roaring fire. Which is being fueled by Shooban corpses, of course."

"I never got to have a family. My...errr...parts were blown up by communists. As well as 67% of my body. Hence, y'know, the Cyborg part....

Anyhoo, do any of them play sports? I have a nephew who's big into sports." Maybe we could, y'know, set up a game..."

Suddenly, Steves face light up with excitment.

"Oooooooooooh! We could have a WGADAHRC picnic! There'd be food, games for the little ones, Shooban hunting for the older ones, swimming for everyone...

"And at the end we can roast Hot Dogs(or Kosher dogs, for those who can't eat pork) over a roaring fire. Which is being fueled by Shooban corpses, of course."
"Sounds like a great deal of fun," said the Professor, "All my sons are fairly athletic, my oldest is in the university soccer team. In fact the twins are doing their military service this year. They have the week off funnily enough, considering Farmina is currently on full alert. But when you know the right people..."

"Sounds like a great deal of fun," said the Professor, "All my sons are fairly athletic, my oldest is in the university soccer team. In fact the twins are doing their military service this year. They have the week off funnily enough, considering Farmina is currently on full alert. But when you know the right people..."

"Why don't you host this one? I'd love to see Farmina, and seeing how J.L., the Shah, and I have already hosted a party, it is only fitting.

"Why don't you host this one? I'd love to see Farmina, and seeing how J.L., the Shah, and I have already hosted a party, it is only fitting.


"I think I will," said the Professor, "We can play soccer, barge into lectures, since I live next to the university and I am the head, and put shoobans in planes and shoot them down. Not to mention eat my wife's choclate cake. It is to die for."

OOC: I won't be able to hold the party soon; you will see why tommorow hopefully. ITS COMING!!! For hints see the Farminan Politics thread.

Because Steve was FT, the guards Technology Compatability Devices kicked in.

Their Ineffable Energy Shield systems kicked in, blocking the bullets/blades etc.

The Great Leader turned to the Shah.

"Anyway... please feed my additional guards..."

The guards ordered, all of them ordered expensive food.

Professor Walter's cell phone began to ring.

"Excuse me," he said, "Its probably my secretary telling me that Farmina is at war with some other no name bunch of clowns."

He put the phone to his ear and pressed the answer button.

"Yes it is," he said.

"What do you mean incident?" he asked.

"No that can't be true," he said..

"Its not true," he yelled, although great pain could be heard.

The Professor threw his phone against the wall in a great rage.

"Lies, all lies," he yelled, repeatedly bringing his foot down on the phone, but now tears were streaming down his face.

"All lies," he muttered one last time, slumping against the wall, crying, if not wailing.

OOC: http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=408910

Because Steve was FT, the guards Technology Compatability Devices kicked in.

Their Ineffable Energy Shield systems kicked in, blocking the bullets/blades etc.

The Great Leader turned to the Shah.

"Anyway... please feed my additional guards..."

The guards ordered, all of them ordered expensive food.

OOC: At least I'm not using a god-mod shield. And I am trying to do you a favor, dammit. Besides, they are basic soldiers, how can they have such expensive weapondry?

"Sigh, you don't want super soldier cyborgs? The most powerful weapons in the world? Looks like I'm going to have to do this the hard way then..."

Steve then blowed a whistle, and 20 Tachikoma (http://holon.hp.infoseek.co.jp/tachikoma.jpg) suddenly appeared next to him. Ordering them to fire, swarms of bullets were fired at the guards. Of course, their n00b-shields protected them, but that's where Steve came in. Using his trillion dollar Cyborg body(yes, he is pretty corrupt), he jammed the shield devices and watched as three of the guards(the females) had their bodies ripped to shreads. He then ordered the Tachikoma to halt their attack, and looked at the Great Leader.

"Look, there's three bodies for you. I swear, I can make them 100x more efficent, deadly, and powerful than before, for free.

"Here are a few pictures of what they will look like," he said, and then showed a few pictures to the Great Leader."

(Picture 1. (http://www.production-ig.com/images/Ghost_in_the_Shell:Stand_Alone_Complex/disp_ks01c022.jpg)

[/url]

[url=http://www.dubreview.com/forum/uploads/av-11.png]Picture 3. (http://www.intercom.publinet.it/ic14/immagini/animegits.jpg))

"Of course, if you don't want Cyborgs, we can give you full compensation for the death of these three...soldiers." Of course, though his mouth said "soldiers", his body and eye's said "Sluts".

"Fine, feel free to experiment."

The Great Leader had used his mysterious Matrix (tm) powers to stop the rest of the bullets.

"Meanwhile, eat this."

The Great Leader forcibly installed Windows XP on Steve's Hard Drive.

Professor Walter wiped his eyes, looked up and said, "Good Shah, may I have permission to stay in the safety of your home for sometime."

"Fine, feel free to experiment."

The Great Leader had used his mysterious Matrix (tm) powers to stop the rest of the bullets.

"Meanwhile, eat this."

The Great Leader forcibly installed Windows XP on Steve's Hard Drive.

"Nooooooooooooo!" screamed Steve as he dropped to the ground in pain. As he withered on the ground, 5 of the Tachikoma picked up the three MP soldiers and transported them to the Cyborg lab. The other 15 went into cyber-mode and went into Steve's Cyber-Mind. As unconsciousness set in, Steve managed to say "Must...initiate...firewall..." He then went limp on the ground

Inside the Cyber-Mind of Steve

Steve's mind was, essentially, a large city made up of many different pieces of information(represented as people). The SFD(Steve Firewall Department) was the protector of his mind, and SFD headquarters was in chaos. In the directors room was Cyber Steve, commander of the SFD. Outside Sirens were roaring as people fled to the center of the city. The Microsoft Army had attacked, and the people were afraid. Not much was known of the Microsoft Army, for few survived it's path of destruction. Millions of good computers had been infected by this software, which took out the stable OS's that ran the computers and replaced them with a crappy OS that destroyed the computer.

CyborgOS had been designed to have the best Anti-Microsoft OS around, so there were 4 firewalls to defend against enemy attack. Unfortunatly, the Microsoftians had proven to be more destructive than they had previously believed, so the first Fire-wall had already fallen. The outer areas of the city consisted of most of the Desktop, so the leaders of Steve had to resort to old desktop versions to keep the city alive. The assault on the second fire-wall(which protected the "My Documents" area) had already begun, and re-inforcements were being sent to keep it up. Unfortunatly, there were too many Clippy's, and It looked as if that firewall would soon fall.

bump

The Shah grabbed a sledgehammer and began to pound the shoulders of a Shooban for no apparent reason.

Suddenly, Emperor Helldawg V appeared in a cloud of smoke. He then walked over to a recliner and plopped himself down, quickly falling asleep.

Inside Steve's Mind:

A clone of Bill Gates looked through his binoculars.

"Hit the documents folder with MS Office artillery batteries, then order our MSN shocktroopers to take the building."

"YES SIR!"

The Shah grabbed a sledgehammer and began to pound the shoulders of a Shooban for no apparent reason.

(OOC: "No apparent reason?" The fact that the Shooban was there is reason enough! :D)

J.L. chuckled. "That looks quite fun, my friend." Then, he took out his revolver and shot a three-year-old male Shooban in the crotch.

(OOC: "No apparent reason?" The fact that the Shooban was there is reason enough! :D)

J.L. chuckled. "That looks quite fun, my friend." Then, he took out his revolver and shot a three-year-old male Shooban in the crotch.

The Shooban hopped around, spilling blood on the floor before the Shah pulled a sword on the wall and dropped a trap door for the kid to fall into a pit of acid below.

The Shooban hopped around, spilling blood on the floor before the Shah pulled a sword on the wall and dropped a trap door for the kid to fall into a pit of acid below.

J.L. laughed. "By the way, my friend, I'm going to produce a new RB television show called 'Shoobans Die the Darnedest Ways,' and I was wondering if you, Helldawg, and the guys wanted to make guest appearances?"

Inside Steve's Mind:

A clone of Bill Gates looked through his binoculars.

"Hit the documents folder with MS Office artillery batteries, then order our MSN shocktroopers to take the building."

"YES SIR!"

"AHHH! MS Office!"

"Which version?"

"'97!"

"E-gads! That version has so many bugs, the shields will be nearly gone!"

Just then, a barrage of MS Office Documents hit the firewall, lowering it to 5% strength.

"Look! The MSN troopers are coming!"

"Oh no, we are doomed!"

Just then, however, an army of penguins paradroped into the fray. Armed with all sorts of weapons, they began to mow down the MSN troopers. Also, a bunch of Apache helicopters(manned by Apache Natives) descended on the attacking Microsoftian forces.

"Thank goodness CyborgOS is a Linux distro with Apache Webserver!"

The Great Leader played some Counterstrike on his combat armor's internal computer, then randomly slashed off the head of a Shooban.

2 Guards leapt upon the Shooban's corpse and devoured it.

J.L. laughed. "By the way, my friend, I'm going to produce a new RB television show called 'Shoobans Die the Darnedest Ways,' and I was wondering if you, Helldawg, and the guys wanted to make guest appearances?"

"Of course."

Emperor Justinian suddenly appears, hands out a series of fliers. The begin by warning of the horrors of communism, and its threat nature of mankind. They go on to request that all nations remember to send an armada and invasion force to Mondoth, to signal the beginning of the great offensive against communism and those who side with it. He then disappears.

"Of course."

"Thank you, my friend. May I also have permission to show excerpts of recorded Shooban killings done by yourself and SAVAK in the past?" J.L. asked.

"SIR, WE'RE BEING PUSHED BACK!"

"Use the stolen Java flamethrowers."

Hot steaming coffee began to rain down on the penguins and Apaches.

Gates thought for a bit.

"Counter-attack the penguins with Zoo Tycoon animals."

"Also... I have an idea..."

Covenant Banshees and P-51 Mustangs from Combat Flight Simulator suddenly began attacking the Apaches.

"They're Linux, they have no original games... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

In the Real World:

The Great Leader was about 1mm away from pulling a King Charles I on Justinian before the Farminan ruler suddenly disappeared. He vented his rage on a female Shooban by giving her a hysterectomy.

"SIR, WE'RE BEING PUSHED BACK!"

"Use the stolen Java flamethrowers."

Hot steaming coffee began to rain down on the penguins and Apaches.

Gates thought for a bit.

"Counter-attack the penguins with Zoo Tycoon animals."

"Also... I have an idea..."

Covenant Banshees and P-51 Mustangs from Combat Flight Simulator suddenly began attacking the Apaches.

"They're Linux, they have no original games... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Sir! Our forces are being pushed back!"

"Damn! Hurry, start evacuating the My Documents center and start to instal WINE. We need to get our defences ready!"

"Yessir!"

"Hurry, fight back with Frozen Bubble!"


At that, frozen ice bubbles were thrown at the Microsoftian forces. Although they weren't causing many casualties, it was enough to buy the defenders time to evacuate the area and install WINE.

"God save us..."

"Thank you, my friend. May I also have permission to show excerpts of recorded Shooban killings done by yourself and SAVAK in the past?" J.L. asked.

"Of course, we have many."

"Of course, we have many."

"Thanks. We'll be wrapping up the filming for the pilot episode within the next few days."

"WINE! THAT'S COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT! ONLY WINDOWS CAN RUN WINDOWS APPLICATIONS!"

Sinister, greasy looking lawyers rushed out from places unknown and started to hurl lawsuits at Steve's mind.

Meanwhile, HALO Style transports were beginning to drop Scorpion Tanks and SPARTAN-IIs.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=409824

"WINE! THAT'S COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT! ONLY WINDOWS CAN RUN WINDOWS APPLICATIONS!"

Sinister, greasy looking lawyers rushed out from places unknown and started to hurl lawsuits at Steve's mind.

Meanwhile, HALO Style transports were beginning to drop Scorpion Tanks and SPARTAN-IIs.

"Sir, the Lawsuits are coming!"

"Hurry, bring out our allies!"

At that moment, a bunch of South Koreans ran out at super speed, firing Gaus Rifles at the Lawyers, using Goliaths to beat the Scorpion Tanks, and Wraiths to take down the SPARTAN-II's.

"HA! Now that the South Korean government has officially endorsed Linux, you are no match for our super-broadband allies!

Also, since we signed no copyright agreements with Microsoft, all copyright's of Microsoft are VOID in Steve!"

At that moment, a giant trans-dimensional portal opened above Steve City with the words WINE Written on top. Thousands of troops from many different games poured out, including troops from StarCraft, Anarchy Online, World of Warcraft, and more!

"Now that we have WINE, we can fight you off! Take THAT, Bill Gates!"

"NOOOO!!!! DO SOMETHING OH MIGHTY BILL GATES!"

"This is out of my hands, I'm gonna leave it up to the Indians now."

"Underpaid Indian programmers, advance."

The Indians each held a bit of code in their hands, taking this code, they began to make something... what was it? Whatever it was, it was big... and it was scary...

"NOOOO!!!! DO SOMETHING OH MIGHTY BILL GATES!"

"This is out of my hands, I'm gonna leave it up to the Indians now."

"Underpaid Indian programmers, advance."

The Indians each held a bit of code in their hands, taking this code, they began to make something... what was it? Whatever it was, it was big... and it was scary...

"Sir! It seems that underpaid Indian Programmers tried to create something small to destroy us, but they have failed! Unfortunatly, what they did create is of epic strength and evilness!"

"You mean..."

"They have created a cyber Rosie o'Donnell."

"HOLY SH*T! RETREAT!!!"

bump

Roise O' Donnell drank a can of soda and belched. The noxious gas wafted over Steve's troops. Rosie then advanced throwing out pink triangles and talking about gay marriage.

It really was scary.