NationStates Jolt Archive

"Let's submit the dumbest deaths that happened in our nations."-The Great Leader Li.

Dumbest Death in MassPwnage:

Pwnage Hong Kong, 3 A.M

Bart Wellingsley, 25, staggered out of a bar, drunk off his ass, and headed off for home.

The bar was on the 140th floor of a tall building (Pwnage cities are built so that people can walk between tall buildings without having to get into the streets first.), the roof of Bart's apartment building was 1 story below. Not wanting to take an elevator down, Bart decided to take a shortcut and ran up to leap from the first building to the roof of his own building.

Unfortunately, Bart came up slightly short and his body splattered all over the place on the pavement 1,800 feet below.

Dumbest Death in Sarzonia

Rock singer Courtney Love, 54, performing on tour to support her comeback record after spending 10 years in prison on federal assault charges in the former United States of America, died while attempting to launch herself into a moshpit at a concert at the Palestra in Woodstock. The singer forgot that the stage in the Palestra was twice as high as normal rock stages and the mosh pit was moved 25 feet from the foot of the stage.

Authorities are still awaiting autopsy results, but speculation has centered on Love using a bag of legalised cocaine. The anti-drug lobbies in Sarzonia have used this incident to push for a law prohibiting drug use, but analysts are predicting that such legislation will die in a House subcommittee.

Dumbest death in Doomingsland,

An eighty year-old man was trying to clean his house (constructed of wood) of insects when he got the bright idea of frying them with his vintage WWII flamethrower. I'll let you imagine what happens next...

Dumbest Death in TIoR:

Rose City, 11:00 P.M.

The Weather Girls were singing "It's raining men" for a pro-gay assembly. Unfortunately, they decided to be flashy and they wanted men to jump off like an angel and magically appear. Unfortunately the wires snapped, causing the death of twenty-five German supermodels, including famous porn star Johann von Schoong, father of John von Schlong. The RBI (Rosian Bureau of Investigation) says it was the work of a Nationalist, but nobody really knows the cause even until this day.

Dumbest death in Generia:

1 AM, Brkovnia, Alberia

Vladamir Severnyo, 17, was making love to Natasha Androana in a field outside the town of Brkovnia when he lost his spectacles. Fumbling around in the dark and in a drunken haze, his fingers came into contact with what he failed to recognize as a landmine. Very little was recovered from the scene.

(lol i would type one up but i have no sence of humour) tag

The dumbest death in DLE.

A tourist from Earth decided he was going to rob a bank. He, of course, figured it would be just like any other bank robbery and planned an ingenious escape route that would get him passed police patrols and to the local spaceport so he could leave before the police had his fingerprints. Absolutely nothing could have stopped him once he got outside of the bank.

So he walks in to the packed bank, pulls out a pistol, and announces a robbery. 1100 rounds of ammunition and 16 grenades in retaliation later, he remembered something he didn't account for: DLE law requires every adult citizen to carry military-grade weapons.

-tag whilst imagination works-

Dumbest death in Momanguise.

Himon Tratoron was a pig farmer in the rural regions of Momanguise. Himon however was getting on in years, and after one hundred and twenty seasons sending these piggy beasts of burden to Davy Jone's pigsty he began to feel a little nauseous when confronted with the sight of blood. There began an unfortunate chain of events that led to his ultimate downfall.

One day, two years ago, Himon examined the death row roata, and saw that the latest pig scheduled for the chop was none other than Daisy, his most favourest pig in the whole wide world. The very thought of plunging the butchers knife into Daisy's neck, and the resulting spurting of blood and guts and gore...well it put him into something of a fright. So after a fortifying cup of tea, he came up with an 'ingenious solution', that would conquer all his fears and afford poor Daisy a respectable death.

He gathered a roll of chicken wire, and having laid it down on the floor, he wired it up to the mains electricity. He then positioned Daisy standing on this wire of death, and, with a tear in his eye, flicked the switch.

Of course this did not go to plan. Daisy flew up fifteen feet into the air with an alarmed squeal as blue sparks danced on her trotters, and with the slow inexorability of an avalanche came back down to earth. On Mr. Tratoron's head. According to later hearsay, the impact of Daisy's sheer bulk broke his neck and, with a shake of her rump, Daisy wondered off into the distance, ne'er to be seen again. Today she attracts a considerable religious following.

The dumbest death in Nellisland:

Local scientist John Train was watching a snowstorm and was struck by
the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in
the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a
chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then, standing outside in
the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The
chicken never froze, but Bacon did.

A 2 months ago today...

During a firing practice, Hamsuvan Fenicuah, age 15 at the time, had his gun jam on him. Now, instead of calling for a sergeant to help him, he decided to try to find out the problem by staring down the barrel. Now, in the classic situation, the bullet would fire, killing him. But no, the gun did fire, but it didn't kill him. Instead, he ran screaming around the firing range, all the students ceased fire and watched in horror. The Drill Sergeant shook his head and yelled, "Moving target! Extra credit for a headshot!" This motivated the young soldiers, and poor Hamsuvan was chewed up by a hail of death.

The stupidest self repair job in TFU:
Attempting to fix a leaky plasma boiler, 40 year old joe minute man attempted to fix it by welding a plasma pressure manifold shut , he found out the hard way do it your self wasn’t for him by welding the manifold shut he had caused the pressure release system to shut down so there was insufficient pressure release causing a massive explosion , and a large fire as you would have guessed the mans house was totaled and no trace of him was ever found…. the explosion had taken out the next house’s side wall causing over 500,000 in damages .

Balump!

Dumbest Death in Tomzilla

Iosef Vilanrichof, 12:35 P.M., Tomzilla City, Samurai District, Bunderstrasse

Today, a depressed Iosef decided to take all his troubles away and get a new car. And by getting a new car, he was going to hijack the first car he saw. He walked up to a car, pulled open the door, and demanded the driver and passenger leave. Unfortunatly for Iosef, it just happened to be a car belonging to the Tomzilla City Police Department. The driver and passenger were cops. Also, to compound Iosef's bad luck, all cops in Tomzilla have Magnums and M-16s. He got shot several times by a scared police rookie.

:D All Zoogies tend to be remarkably smart in dying, as in all other things. However, a Borman on vacation once nuked himself by accident.

Mikhiel Andropov was attempting to prove he could survive an encounter with a rather unhappy hoard of hornets. His plan, 12 guage + nest = no more hornets. He walked out into the field in which the nest was hanging from a tree and fired. As the nest burst an entire swarm of angry hornets came out and IDed their assailant from the fact that he was the only thing within 25 feet of the nest. As he ran, in a moment of clarity, he made a beeline (ha ha ha) for his RV where, had his next error in judgement not taken place he would have been fine. After having enough drinks to put him about 5 times over the legal limit he understandably passed out. Upon coming to, he still drunk, sees the hornets outside his RV and believes them to be harbingers of the apocalypse. He grabs his shotgun and loads a full magazine, he took aim at the rear window of his RV and fired, following logic, the window shattered. This let in the hornets and Mr. Andropov was stung to death by a hoard of angry hornets. The hornets' nest was later eliminated by a jet armed with a napalm bomb that was dropped on the nest after the official investigation was completed, what is still unknown is how Mr. Andropov got his hands on an extremely expensive brand of liquor, as he was a drifter.

Bulump!

Stupidest death in Ollieland;

Reportedby Colonial Broadcasting 3 months, a yokel by the name of Ollie Samuels unwittingly broke in to the top secret Chemical and biological Warfare Research facility in the north of the country, thinking it to be a government vault for gold reserves. After contracting a particularly virulent strain of smallpox, he was found half dead by government scientists in the "germ store" and taken for treatment. He died an agonising death lasting 9 days, and when questioned in his lucid moments, still insisted the doctors were hiding the gold from him.

Dumbest Death in The Silver Sky:
22 year old John Berg was dumped by his girlfriend for not being exciting enough, he decided to get a sport car, but he didn't have enough money, so he got the bright notion of stealing a sport car, but instead of stealing a car from a parking lot like every other criminal does, John jumped out in the middle of a busy street and pointed his .45 cal handgun towards an approching sports car, unfortunely the car he decided to steal was a Nissian Skyline going 100mph that was being chased by police, the driver in the Skyline (whose name will not be released) did not see John in time and John ended up as meaty pulp splattered all over the road.

The driver of the Skyline was scared to death and there being blood all over his windshield crashed into a streetlight, he was arrested by police and convicted of manslaughter, during questioning it was discovered that the Skyline's driver was hurrying home as his mother had died and he wanted to be there when they read the will. :D

:D All Zoogies tend to be remarkably smart in dying, as in all other things. However, a Borman on vacation once nuked himself by accident.

/\

OOC: I'll try, but this probably isn't going to be very funny. =P

There once was a man named Bob, who lived near Izistan City.
Bob had a great idea one day! He had gotten the idea that chipmunks would make excellent anti-tank weapons. So he proceded to accquire two metal tubes and a powerful commerical solid rocket motor(rocketry is a major hobby in Izistan). Using Canadian duct tape and super glue he managed to attach a cute, fuzzy chipmunk to the motor. He then rigged up a makeshift eletrical ignition system. From what the the police could construct from the crime scene, the firing tube was poorly welded and exploded under pressure. Bob's head was torn in half by a piece of shrapnel. The chipmunk surrivied, badly burned(it was returned to the wild after a stay at the local animal hospital).

Tag

Dumbest death in PP...

On April Fool's Day, a man strapped with a fake bomb strode into the Honimishu Governmental Complex. He was shot faster than he could say "April Fools!!!"

Second...

A severly stoned man decided it'd be fun to try to ride a canoe down PP's Magma Falls. As the name implies, he was quickly roasted to death.

Why is this called the Darwin Awards?

Based on the Darwin Awards which are given to those who through gross stupidity removed themselves from the genepool, thus furthering the causes of evolution.

Based on the Darwin Awards which are given to those who through gross stupidity removed themselves from the genepool, thus furthering the causes of evolution.

Thank you. Cleared up my mind.

Mugabe Abdul Mfusi Mbotu Jamal Shoobooshaaba was a free Shooban living in the Persepolis ghetto renting a room in a shanty belonging to an Arab family. One day, Mugabe had the idea of escaping the ghetto and recruited several Arabs to come help him do so. With a backpack full of explosives, they headed towards the point where the sewers were close enough to blast into and escape into, right next to the concrete wall. But, instead, the idiotic Shooban placed the bomb in the wrong spot and simply blew a hole in the wall. The Arabs knew better than to exploit that breach and went home, but Mugabe continued to run out like a chicken with his head cut off into the field of death. First, he stepped near a landmine, which blew one of his legs off, but he was too dumb to notice the pain and crawled forward, until being shot by snipers in the torso and the other leg, still too dumb to notice pain. Then, coming up to a fence and attempting to climb it, he touched it and was fried with 10,000 volts of electricity which cooked him.

ooc; BUMP!

George Mandel, general laborer for Dark Torch Marine Services (a division of Evil Overlord Enterprises), decided to defect from the Dominion after drinking his way through the best part of a case of cheap liquor.

Drunkenly certain that he would be stopped at the border, Mr. Mandel decided that his best chance of getting out alive would be to hijack a commercial airliner. With a large screwdriver hidden in his shirt sleeve, Mr. Mandel went to the Kaligrad airport and tried to force his way past the Internal Security detachment in the terminal (who were equipped with Jaguar combat armor and 11.5mm Intruder battle rifles). During the course of being severely beaten by the unamused IS troops, Mr. Mandel managed to get the screwdriver out of his sleeve.

Waving the screwdriver in the general direction of the security personnel, he turned to run away- not noticing the presence of a large, ceramic flowerpot in his path. Mr. Mandel tripped over the flowerpot and fell face-first down the escalator, managing to stab himself in the chest with the screwdriver in the process. Gasping and coughing up blood, Mr. Mandel crawled several meters toward the exit doors, and died of exsanguination ...

... directly beneath a sign containing directions on the relatively simple procedures for emigrating from the Dominion, which Mr. Mandel had walked drunkenly by en route to his encounter with the security detachment.


TEO