NationStates Jolt Archive

I have a population of 339 million at my dispoal, and a plentiful supply of sticks, twigs etc. If anyone feels the need to take on a real challenge (i.e my entire population armed with sticks) please feel free to let me know.

The High Council of the WL Federation finds your challenge intruiging. Be warned that we possess not only an adequate supply of sticks and twigs, but also cardboard armor!

The nation of No Endorse posseses a weapon of unspeakable terror to you stick fighters. We have a branch! Crewed by two men, this absurdly large piece of wood is a testament to our tree. (the last one in the country not buldozed... well, that wasn't bulldozed as of this message... things change) It is a whopping three inches in diameter and four feet long! (Note: the men who crew our branch have left for a honeymoon. Please don't tell our Prime Minister)

We are more than ready to defend our honor in battle!

In the air above Narcassism, a small model airplane flew on remote control. "We think they don't know we're here...," grimaced the pilot, thumbing the controls. "They haven't shot the plane yet captain." "Good, that thing cost me ten bucks! Okay men, you have been trained well in the art of stick warfare. You all know the way to attack, loose, retreat, and scream like small children. Now, I want you to forget all of that stuff and try to fight like fifty odd year old drunk Canadian woodcutters."

"Sir yes sir!"

"Take your sticks and prepare for battle!"

"Sir... we don't have any sticks. Or armor..."

"Grab a stick off a tree nearby. This place has more than No Endorse does, and they're not rhodedendron, so you can smoke 'em all you want."

"And armor?"

"Umm... sweatshirts?"

"Yes sir."

"Prepare for invasion men!"

"There are only five of us, and two are making out behind the tent."

"Sam and Jess?"

"Fred and Oswald."

"Oh boy............. well............ I guess we're pushing the invasion off till tomorrow night..."

My large Vine will demolish you all.

But you see ... my nation has ...

*dun dun duuunn*

TERMITES AT OUR EVERY DISPOSAL!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

tag

ah, but I have the ALMIGHTY wood-chipper. I am unstoppable! Tremble before the might of the wood-chipper.

My nation owns you all, we are armed with the dreaded.............FINGER GUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!

My nation owns you all, we are armed with the dreaded.............FINGER GUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!

TWN withdraws, knowing that they are no match for the mighty finger guns. It's back to the drawing boards, where TWN's TOP scientists will be working on a new invention ...

Radioactive SLING-SHOTS! *evil laughter*

we the dead and dying will send an army of steroid pumped baseball players with baseball bats

MWAAHAHAHA! Our plans for domination are working nicely!

we the dead and dying will send an army of steroid pumped baseball players with baseball bats
"Mommy? why do those men have boobies?"

*SMACK!*

"It's not nice to point"

"But why?"

"I'll tell you when your older"

Lol!

ooc: ROTFL!

IC: The men crept quietly through the night. A man holding an unspeakable terror, the dreaded long-illegal finger gun, was spotted in a clearing. The men got scared and headed in the other direction.

several of the men, armed with nothing more than normal finger guns spotted a movement in the woods, they turned to see the dreaded long finger gun and ran off in terror, but not before one of them held his trusty weapon at the figure and shouted "ZWEH! ZWEH! ZWEH!"

beware those men were only yankees, they choke easily.
next i will send the formidable tree swinging METS! (dramatic music)

TheForest here by Declares war on all of you all who used wood for you wepions


"my fellow ents CHARGE"
*ents Massacre every contry that used wood for there wepions*'

"pine trees Open Fire with your pine cones" :sniper:

"Oaks Prepare to Defend Borders"

FEAR THE FOREST FOR IT FIGHTS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

TheForest here by Declares war on all of you all who used wood for you wepions


"my fellow ents CHARGE"
*ents Massacre every contry that used wood for there wepions*'

"pine trees Open Fire with your pine cones" :sniper:

"Oaks Prepare to Defend Borders"

FEAR THE FOREST FOR IT FIGHTS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

*Lights Torch and brings a can of Gas*

Damn Ents.

*Burns everything*

BWAHAHAHAHA! You are all fools, for I have a nuclear missile pointed at every nation other than mine!!!

(proceeds to push button that launches missile, but b/c what he said is impossible, the missile is confused by the concept of one missile hitting every nation but its creator's. in its confusion, it falls back to earth landing on the leader the nation, crushing him. it then commences to explode destroying the nation.)

my mets are so full of steroids that they will pick up your invading trees and swing them at each other.

Then descended Titus the Manly, thrice the size of ordinary man, but not so! - for now, he were truly towering over skyscrapers, and his wrath was terrible. For he weilded a humongo-gigantic stick, and when he walked, the ground shook and trembled.

He flung whole mountains as flint from a cloak when he swung his humongo-gigantic stick, and smushed men as easily as men would squish bananas. It gets better. Titus the Manly was of immortal light, and could not die.

"ROooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaHR!"

The top military commander pondered "We have no choice... release the ultimate weapon!"

The soldiers suddenly began throwing slugs at the enemy, in the hope that they would retreat because of the slime.

grrrr...............!!!!!!
crawls away.
nabs barry bonds and injects him with radioactive steroids.

barry bonds grows to 100 feet. he then picks up a mountain and throws it at his enemies.

*Brings out the giant 50 ft. slugs and loads them into catapults*
Fire them at those giants!

barry bonds picks up his bat and knocks the slugs out of this galaxy he then picks up another mountain but begins to shrink and drops the mountian on himself.

Beware! For I have WATER BALLOONS!!! REPENT, FOR YOUR END IS NIGH!!!!!

Beware! For I have WATER BALLOONS!!! REPENT, FOR YOUR END IS NIGH!!!!!
Dear god! We might have to retreat! Hold steady troops! Get reenforcements! someone! Anyone! Bring the hose!

Tis foolishnes, thinking you could beat me. behold,............. my all powerful supersoaker water gun!

Men! ready the hose!

ack! dont panic! uh...uh. i have it!
shields himself with cardboard shield

"We don't want to end this with......."
Number three lets his go spraying all over the attackers
"Dammit number three! we were gonna let em go clean if they left!"

grabs a stick of bamboo and beats the hose.

(OOC: With complete disregard for the fact that I have a crystalline nation... So what?)

"HAH! We have a mighty CANNON!"

A huge hollowed out tree trunk with gunpowder and a rock in it is perched on a fence. A fuse sticks out one end.

"FIRE THE CANNON!"

Hoo boy. We all know how THAT one turns out.

"Water hoses! All units to the supply depot!
*soldiers reach the supply depot and don their sponge armor, as well as fingerpainting death marks on their faces, grr...*

One unfortunate soldier: "Um sir, all we have left are the pink sponges"

"Water hoses! All units to the supply depot!
*soldiers reach the supply depot and don their sponge armor, as well as fingerpainting death marks on their faces, grr...*

One unfortunate soldier: "Um sir, all we have left are the pink sponges"

The No Endorse units moved through the dense underbrush... well... three of them did, the other two got lost... Armed with a new terror they planned to dominate the planet. "Okay men," gruffed their leader, "prepare to fire on those hoses. GO GO GO!" The men, heartened by their possesion of *BRAND NEW* rubber bands, attacked with all the ferosity of a trio of Furbies. (Which is pretty darn scary) "I'm out of bands!" screamed one recruit. The leader passed him a bag of 10 thousand, and the firing continued. Unfortionatly, the wind was against them, and the bands never made it far, but the sight was terrifying to the puppies in seat A14 of a crashing airliner.

"RETREAT MEN!!!!!!!!!"
the units with hoses started retreating through the woods.
"Sir! I found something useful!"
"Whats that private?"
"Pinecones"
"MEN! form over here and stock up! Were gonna make those rubber band boys wish they hadn't messed with us!"

they stocked up and then headed back to the front lines, where the enemy was waiting.

"They're running sir!"
"Good. Reload and pursue."
All of a sudden, a pinecone falls in the midst of the No Endorse troops.
"EVERYBODY DOWN! PINECONES!"
"They're everywhere!"
"Where are they? I can't see them!"
"Man down! Man down!"
"MEDIC!"
And, in classic MOHAA style, a medic comes from out of nowhere and heals the downed man. Unfortionatly, as the medic heads back towards the magic medic breakroom, he's pwn3d by a pinecone.
"Prepare for retaliatory action!"
"We have our V-darts ready sir."
"Open fire!"
"There's too many of them!"
"I'm hit! Pinecone to the pinky toe!"
"Don't worry soldier, we'll get you home safe. Keep firing V-darts men!"
"I'm the only other one here..."
"Uh... keep firing V-darts man!"

"SIR! We've captured one!"
"Excellent, give him an indian burn in an attempt to get him to talk. If he doesn't respond to that, a charly horse. And if he is strong willed," he shudders, "A titty twister!" Several soldiers gasped
"Right away sir"

I am satisfied to see that your technology is vastly inferior to ours. Soldiers! READY! HOLD! SCREECH!

*At this command, several soldiers out of nowhere sit down with a plate in their lap, a fork and knife in hand, and scratch their plates several times, creating a very annoying and deafening screeching noise*

MUAHAHAHA!

The horrible screaching noises stopped the sponge-clad soldiers dead in their tracks "Its horrible... so horiible"
"Keep going men!" a sargeant said
The Sargeant knew that many of his men wouldn't make it out of this horrific encounter without Post Tramatic Stress Syndrome.

All of you are as poor as mud water. Our mighty army is equiped with log armor and walking sticks!

"SIR! We've captured one!"
"Excellent, give him an indian burn in an attempt to get him to talk. If he doesn't respond to that, a charly horse. And if he is strong willed," he shudders, "A titty twister!" Several soldiers gasped
"Right away sir"
ooc: Are titty twisters a violation of the Geneva convention? lol

IC: "Umm... where is Fred?"
"Idunno... but I found Sam and Jess..."
"Captain, I think he's been captured!"
"What's the worst they can do? Indian rug burns? We trained him to resist anything up to a swirly!"
"But not ::dramatic pause:: titty twisters!"
"That's too inhumane! They'd never do that!"

"Here they come again!"
"Fire your bands and throw Livestrong bracelets at them! They'll be too occupied with those to follow!"
"We don't have any Livestrong bracelets..."
"Greg..."
"Nate sir."
"Nate, back in the good old days, I could have you shot..."
"Yes sir..."

After an awkward silence, a small thud was heard. "PINECONES!" screamed Nate, as he fired off his rubber bands into the thickets, "EVERYBODY DOWN!"
"We're losing the left flank!"
"Reinforcements!" the captain screamed into his coffe-can telephone,"We need backup!"
As this was yelled, in classic Tie Fighter style, three assault gunboats hypered in and began engaging the enemy. (Except the troops were fighting on a planet, so the gunboats couldn't slow down in time, and made a pretty spectacular explosion on the other side of that big towery thingy. Don't tell James in R&D, those things took a long time to make.)
"Well... that was anti-climactic... wait... we're IC again now?"
"Aye."
"Screw it... Reinforcements were destroyed spectacularly! We need something decent! We need paper towel rolls and ::another dramatic pause :rolleyes::: shaving cream."
"Sir, we have never used shaving cream before! We don't know what it can do. We'll get in so much trouble with my dad too!"
"So? We need to fight off these pinecones before they destroy us!"
"Umm... maybe we can get a super soaker captain?"
"Hmm... no, we'll hold off on that until the end, when victory is a given for us, so that we surprise them."
"Why not surprise them NOW? They'll never expect it!"
"Remember the good old days!"
"Yes sir..."

Somewhere in Nation of Fortune:
Fred was doing fine. He had withstood more rugburns than seemed reasonable, but kept humming the theme song for "Teletubbies." Unknownst to him, but knownst to us, he was about to get a rude wakeup call in torture.

"We've tried everything, and you still won't talk. And by everything, I men the things the Geneva conventions allow. Now onto the Big one." They take his shirt off, "Any last words?" Silence from the captive, with the exception of the Teletubbies theme. He grabbed the titty, twisted, and pulled.

OOC: gone till friday, sorry :(