Roycelandia
12-03-2005, 15:14
Port Royal, Roycelandia
"That's odd" Wiggles said as he put the phone down. "His Majesty isn't answering the phone in his office."
"Odd" said Commander Edmund Blackadder, putting down his Bourbon and Cola. "Have you tried his cellphone?"
"It's off."
"Girlfriend?"
"All of them. No-one knows where he is."
"Ah, he's a big lad. He won't be far away. None of the Kidnap alarms have been triggered, nothing unusual being reported- he's probably ducked off to screw that 16 year old actress and her sister again."
No sooner had Edmund spoken when his cellphone rang. "Commander Blackadder."
"Edmund, it's Jack. Are you watching RBC 2?"
"No, why?"
"Turn it on."
Both Wiggles and Commander Blackadder stood, mouths agape, at what they were witnessing on their TV screen.
His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I presents: Blackmail!
Hello, and thanks for joining me tonight. I'm your Emperor, Royce I, and this is Blackmail- the show where we extort money from people who deserve it for fun and profit!
Our first victim tonight works for the Havana Regional Council in Cuba. His wife is a staunch Christian, who would take grave offence at the contents of his secret DVD collection. In exchange for $50, we promise not to send her your credit card statements with some interesting purchases highlighted. So, Mr. S of Diego Havana, that's $50 to stop us from telling your lovely wife Jill that Spit Roast Lovers 2 is not a Cooking DVD.
Moving along, our next victim works for Imperial Airways as a stewardess. For $300, we'll make sure that your husband Michael never finds out what really happened at Renee's Bachelorette Party. So, Ms. J of Kingstowne, that's $300, and Michael need never know about the incident with the Sodastream machine and the Alsatian.
Finally tonight, it's time for an old favourite: Spot the Deviant! This is the chance for everyone at home to play along, by trying to guess which well-known celebrity or famous person, is, in fact, a deviant! Just to add a twist to the proceedings, the Deviant can try and pay us off- but remember, the longer you leave it, the more it costs!
Tonight's Deviant is 43 years old and has had a long and successful acting career. She's well known in socialite circles as a generous philanthropist, but an X-ray of her luggage at Port Imperial after an overseas trip revealed some interesting and potentially compromising purchases... The Blackmail starts at $1000, and we'll keep you updated each week until either the Deviant pays us off, or we finally reveal their identity!
And just in case you'd forgotten, make sure you send all money to:
Blackmail
Behind the Cistern at the back on the right
4th Restroom Along
Central Station, Port Royal, Roycelandia
Alternatively, you can make a direct payment to:
Blackmail
Account Number 123/546/798-00
Bank of Roycelandia, Sunderland Harbour
Cape Verde Islands
Don't forget, all Blackmail payments are fully tax-deductible. Until next week, stay cool, and remember: It's not extortion, it's Blackmail!
There was a stunned silence in the room. Then the silence passed out from shock, and slipped into a coma.
Wiggles finally spoke.
"Oh fuck."
"Oh come on, her luggage wasn't that compromising... it was just a strap-on dildo and a studded riding crop" Commander Blackadder said, before realising he probably should have shut the hell up.
"Well, at least he's not trying to invade Nigeria or anything like that..." Wiggles said, at last.
OOC: Yes, I know this is shamelessly plagiarised from Monty Python, but long-time fans of His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I will know this is exactly the sort of thing he'd do... :D
"That's odd" Wiggles said as he put the phone down. "His Majesty isn't answering the phone in his office."
"Odd" said Commander Edmund Blackadder, putting down his Bourbon and Cola. "Have you tried his cellphone?"
"It's off."
"Girlfriend?"
"All of them. No-one knows where he is."
"Ah, he's a big lad. He won't be far away. None of the Kidnap alarms have been triggered, nothing unusual being reported- he's probably ducked off to screw that 16 year old actress and her sister again."
No sooner had Edmund spoken when his cellphone rang. "Commander Blackadder."
"Edmund, it's Jack. Are you watching RBC 2?"
"No, why?"
"Turn it on."
Both Wiggles and Commander Blackadder stood, mouths agape, at what they were witnessing on their TV screen.
His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I presents: Blackmail!
Hello, and thanks for joining me tonight. I'm your Emperor, Royce I, and this is Blackmail- the show where we extort money from people who deserve it for fun and profit!
Our first victim tonight works for the Havana Regional Council in Cuba. His wife is a staunch Christian, who would take grave offence at the contents of his secret DVD collection. In exchange for $50, we promise not to send her your credit card statements with some interesting purchases highlighted. So, Mr. S of Diego Havana, that's $50 to stop us from telling your lovely wife Jill that Spit Roast Lovers 2 is not a Cooking DVD.
Moving along, our next victim works for Imperial Airways as a stewardess. For $300, we'll make sure that your husband Michael never finds out what really happened at Renee's Bachelorette Party. So, Ms. J of Kingstowne, that's $300, and Michael need never know about the incident with the Sodastream machine and the Alsatian.
Finally tonight, it's time for an old favourite: Spot the Deviant! This is the chance for everyone at home to play along, by trying to guess which well-known celebrity or famous person, is, in fact, a deviant! Just to add a twist to the proceedings, the Deviant can try and pay us off- but remember, the longer you leave it, the more it costs!
Tonight's Deviant is 43 years old and has had a long and successful acting career. She's well known in socialite circles as a generous philanthropist, but an X-ray of her luggage at Port Imperial after an overseas trip revealed some interesting and potentially compromising purchases... The Blackmail starts at $1000, and we'll keep you updated each week until either the Deviant pays us off, or we finally reveal their identity!
And just in case you'd forgotten, make sure you send all money to:
Blackmail
Behind the Cistern at the back on the right
4th Restroom Along
Central Station, Port Royal, Roycelandia
Alternatively, you can make a direct payment to:
Blackmail
Account Number 123/546/798-00
Bank of Roycelandia, Sunderland Harbour
Cape Verde Islands
Don't forget, all Blackmail payments are fully tax-deductible. Until next week, stay cool, and remember: It's not extortion, it's Blackmail!
There was a stunned silence in the room. Then the silence passed out from shock, and slipped into a coma.
Wiggles finally spoke.
"Oh fuck."
"Oh come on, her luggage wasn't that compromising... it was just a strap-on dildo and a studded riding crop" Commander Blackadder said, before realising he probably should have shut the hell up.
"Well, at least he's not trying to invade Nigeria or anything like that..." Wiggles said, at last.
OOC: Yes, I know this is shamelessly plagiarised from Monty Python, but long-time fans of His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I will know this is exactly the sort of thing he'd do... :D