NationStates Jolt Archive

In a totally non-brutal incident, nobody was executed in Momanguise today. Huge trucks did not roll through the streets, and nobody was led away to be shot/stabbed/beheaded/dipped in lead/eaten by goldfish etc.

In a short press statement, the minister for sarcasm was quoted as saying "These people did not commit horrendous crimes against the state, and therefore were not executed. We are not prepared to waver from this line."

Civil rights groups are not up in arms, and are not planning any major retaliation, knowing that they will not be executed in turn. One civil rights activist Martin Luther King (what's he doing in Momanguise? Who knows?) said “This is a terrible day for us. Now we have nothing to complain about.”

Momanguise is not bracing itself for a deluge of complaints from the international community, nor the usual amount of cheap publicity that this sort of stunt affords.

In a totally non-brutal incident, nobody was executed in Momanguise today. Huge trucks did not roll through the streets, and nobody was led away to be shot/stabbed/beheaded/dipped in lead/eaten by goldfish etc.

In a short press statement, the minister for sarcasm was quoted as saying "These people did not commit horrendous crimes against the state, and therefore were not executed. We are not prepared to waver from this line."

Civil rights groups are not up in arms, and are not planning any major retaliation, knowing that they will not be executed in turn. One civil rights activist Martin Luther King (what's he doing in Momanguise? Who knows?) said “This is a terrible day for us. Now we have nothing to complain about.”

Momanguise is not bracing itself for a deluge of complaints from the international community, nor the usual amount of cheap publicity that this sort of stunt affords.

OOC:

Humorous. I agree wholeheartedly.

ooc: Beautifully put...

OOC- Very very nice...Your lucky i'm busy or iw ould be outraged by no executions...

Good, good.

OOC: Now that is just funny, and it makes a good point, too.

~ Romandeos.

We wholeheartedly condemn this lack of violence within your nation. It is a sign of shocking civilised and non-barbaric thinking which clearly distances you from the normally accepted moral code in our country which, for reasons we cannot yet determine, you must follow.

We are considering the possibility of taking no military action against you for this despicable lack of immoral behaviour; be warned, the long periods of inactivity and boredom we can reap will be massively depressing to your nation. It is standard procedure for our nation to think first and act later, as with all other nations, and you will not be brought to justice, mark my words. We expect at least 5,181 other nations to join us in this lack of military action, thus not overwhelming you and thus not essentially permanently killing your nation.

That is all.

To: You fools in Momanguise
From: Dreadlord Ivan Roshikov
Holy Empire of Uve Been Pwned
Subject: Spineless bastards

We find this statement by the spineless wonders in Momanguise to be a laughable display of foolish ignorance. Executing people is a necessity to keep vile criminals who would dare speak ill of our great Empire in line. In fact, public executions are a national sport here in Uve Been Pwned.

Why don't you go shit yourself, drown yourself in your pathetic tears, and then come back and talk to me when you've grown a pair? Maybe by then you'll actually be worth subjugating.

[OOC: That was pretty funny Momanguise!

Disclaimer: Any and all insults herein are solely IC. Then again, I'm sure you knew that.]

The Empire of Cotland is outraged that you have executed noone! We demand that you start executing people, or we will be forced to take no action!

ooc: Damn, that's funny dude! ROFLMAO

Krioval, in a non-astounding gesture, has decided to join Momanguise in not executing its citizens. In fact, there have been completely ordinary discussions about maintaining or even expanding civil rights in our nation. Further, we wish to alert the world that we have not had a crippling natural disaster in some time, and while we suffered a terrorist attack recently, it was quickly resolved with a minimum of death. We have not had a terrifying plague, our economy is not collapsing, our government, while occasionally contentious, is not on the verge of self-destruction. None of our citizens have been turned into zombies. Finally, we have decided not to condemn other nations for choosing to leave their citizens alive and productive, though we naturally reserve the right to do so in the future.

Lord Koro Vartek
Director, KDT
Armed Republic of Krioval

"I vehemently do not protest this sickeningly disgusting lack of non-violence, you all are non-barbaric non-motherfuckers."-The Great Leader Li.

"I find this highly suspicious," Lord Azazel said to himself.

The Dominion of Upper Cet Kola Ytovia does not condemn the nonactions of the government of Momanquise. We are loathe to infringe upon the sovereignty of Momanguise, we simply cannot not sit by and not do nothing. We wish to not negotiate for the lives of the people you are not persecuting for the purpose of not taking them out of your country and into asylum. Several of our transport ships are already not en route, and will not be arriving at your port within one NS day. Naturally, these ships will not be escorted by several of our cruisers, so we don't recommend you not try anything funny.

--from the office of Jacinda Prime
Fure Calere, Ytovia

Chief Herald Nivia Alix von Cohen had this official statement to make for Vastiva about the recent non-crisis in Momanguise:


Official Statement

We are not-amused by this non-violent behavior. Your lack of inappropriate actions does not require a response from the people of Novikov and therefore we submit the following statement on your government's inactivity regarding the brutal execution of people of random ethnic / religious / political / social / gerographical groups:

You are uninteresting and boring. Keep up the good work!

Now isn't this just a class-act? Now I know why I came back to NS.

~ Romandeos.

We fully condone these actions taken by Momanguise. Killing people is wrong, and if you persist in not killing people, we shall have to award you a prize. That is not a threat, that is a promise. Consider yourself warned.


ooc: Nicely done Momanguise, I was going to comment on it myself, but you got there first. Brilliantly done.

Anyone ever played the Hitchhiker's game? Try typing "Don't" do something.

>Don't wait
Time doesn't pass...

This lack of action if not contained, may cause mass unemployment amongst foriegn affairs staff, who work day and night condemning pointless massacres.

Farmina condemns this lack of action for this reason. The potentially unemployed foriegn affairs staff have families to feed. Think about the poor children; who will have to wear cardboard boxes to school and will have to eat gravel for lunch.

Farmina further demands that Momanguise start slaughtering a minority group, preferably Mormanguise comedians who offend Farmina beyond good reason; FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN.

Thomas Goth
Chancellor for Foriegn Affairs


Chancellor Goth then went of international television, dressing his children in cardboard boxes and feeding them gravel; as a protest about the inhumane, lack of slaughter in Mormanguise, portraying the future of international diplomats in a peaceful world.

OOC: ROFL Mormanguise.

*Starts programmes to invade Mormanguise and gas all his citizens for lack of violence*

OOC: You know, it's really a statement when you go through the forum and find this to be the only original diplomatic statement thread in here. Lawl, and brilliant. Totally original.

IC:

Hey, you are just like us!

Xenonian Embassy Staff

ooc: *chuckles* Thanks for the comments guys, it's good to know that I am not the only person exasperated by all this. Ah the power of satire...

ic:

Official Statement of the Grand Ideocracy of Momanguise

Following the lack of executions, purges, rapes, tortures, genocides, people falling over etc. in the state of Momanguise, it has come to our attention that certain nations are threatening to respond in kind and not invade our nation in responce to our non-existant crimes.

This is disgusting behaviour, and reflects the true spinelessness of the international community. We are a soverign nation, you hear? Soverign nation. Now I will repeat those words several times for no apparant reason.

soverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nationsoverign nation

Righto, now obviously I have right on my side for some apparant reason. We demand that all those nations who are threatening not to invade Momanguise change their policy immediately, or we will be forced to not respond in kind. On the other hand, now that I've tried to be 'hard', I will gladly sell those not awaiting execution for, say, 18 trillion per head. *waits for fifty nations to begin bidding*.

Yeah. So anyway, we have our rights to not execute as many people as we don't please. It is time the international community recognises this, after all, we didn't ask for all of this attention, did we?

Signed,

The über 1337 emporer,
Slaughter of billions,
Scourge of the earth,
The ruin of nations,
The feared of this land,

Emporer Bob.

The Emporer has Spoken!





P.S 18.6 million people were not executed this day alone.

The Republic is utterly indifferent to the lack of random unjustified executions within the territories of our vaguely allied friends in Momanguise, and will be sending the Minister of Nothing in Particular on an average holiday there shortly for no real reason. We hope that the government of Momanguise does not really think anything much of this move, since we will otherwise be forced to do absolutely nothing whatsoever.

We humbly assert that we have no opinion on DPUO's lack of interest. Thank you for your time.

OOC:Brilliant! You need to get a prize for being the biggest not-massacrers on NS.

Just because Momanguise claims national sovereignty doesn't mean that its government can simply not execute people at will! Imagine the future for a second! Next thing you know, governments will actually encourage nonmilitary economic expansion, religious tolerance, or even the most dreaded one of all: universal health coverage! The slippery slope of governmental benevolence must be stopped before peace breaks out throughout the world. Otherwise, we risk making our children's lives easier than ours.

Given Momanguise's rampant lack of executions and the rising threats of non-invasions, we of the international community must do something to reduce non-tensions between Momanguise and the rest of the world. Therefore, we propose letting Garland come and knock all of Momanguise's population down as a medium between Momanguise's lack of killing and most of the international community's penchant for massacres, genocide, and purges-in-general.

Official Demonic Gopher response:

Supreme Leader Zeek would not like to not join the majority of the international community in not condemning this un(?)astonishing lack of senseless executions. If this policy continues, I warn you that we will be forced to take no negative action what-so-ever. Indeed, we will have no choice but to not invade you, and to leave your agriculture intact.

OOC: Excellent!

At a small press conference, the Godulan Terran Affairs Minister, Sirzan Aktei, had the following to say:

"I have no opinion on this development. Thank you for your time."

Sirzan then walked off while eating a fig newton.

In other news, a local citizen was surprised to find a Russian Bear in his closet...

No violence? Are they mad?

-Shah Khosru III

No violence? Are they mad?

-Shah Khosru III

As suprising as it may appear for II, yes.

(*This thread was just missing one thing*)

President Nofirstname Nolastname addresses the nation.

"My fellow Notan00bians, as you may very well know, the government of Momanguise has not carried out atrocities against its own people. Of course, a nation as unwise and not powerful as ours cannot help but not respond. Therefore, as you watch, I shall give the order to not bombard all Momanguise government buildings with the uber-spiffy orbital platforms we do not have, after which our army of 5 billion troops will not magically teleport into the country and not liberate it.

Mr. General, now.

*Nonexistant orbital platforms do not bombard every government building in Momanguise, not killing every official of that nonevil government. Five billion nonexistent Notan00bian soldiers do not enter Momanguise and do not occupy the country. The nonoppressed peoples of Momanguise do not come out and do not cheer the nonarrival of the soldiers, and do not proclaim President Nofirstname Nolastname as a god.*

OOC: |>0|\|'7 ph34r m3!!1 3y3 |>0|\|'7 p\/\/n j00!!!11

Also OOC: I dare you to call this not a godmod, and to not fire your I.G.N.O.R.E. cannons at me now. ;) :D

You are quite correct. I will not fire my I.G.N.O.R.E cannon at you.

*fires IGNORE connon near you*

PWNED j000!

PS, who are you really? Go on, own up, I won't bite...hard.

Quick bümp for the evening.

As punishment for this non-vicious act of non-violence, the government has ordered the cloning and execution of two hundred Ghandis.

Teh Grand Ideocracy has announced that it will not clone two hundred Ghandi's and then will not execute these non-existant clones of Ghandi, therefore cancelling out the actions of the evil and highly abnoxious regime of Armandian *cough* Cheese.

what about the rebelious students, surely they would stage a protest and blow up some tanks with featherdusters attached to them in this act of non violence.

Teh Grand Ideocracy has announced that it will not clone two hundred Ghandi's and then will not execute these non-existant clones of Ghandi, therefore cancelling out the actions of the evil and highly abnoxious regime of Armandian *cough* Cheese.
OOC: What's with the cough?

IC:
In response to this horrific act of nonviolence, three hundred puppies have been repeadetly kicked by military personell.

what about the rebelious students, surely they would stage a protest and blow up some tanks with featherdusters attached to them in this act of non violence.

Erm...there were. Thousands. It was brutal. Many people were not killed. Shocking.

OOC: What's with the cough?

IC:
In response to this horrific act of nonviolence, three hundred puppies have been repeadetly kicked by military personell.

ooc: Oh yeah, sorry about that. It's just that your name amuses me. Don't take it personally.

IC: Only three hundred? Pathetic. Today I didn't kick four hundred, so there!

IC: Damn you! Try to counter this...Emperor Armand Domalewski has personally slapped every citizen of Armandian Cheese in the face today.

IC: Damn you! Try to counter this...Emperor Armand Domalewski has personally slapped every citizen of Armandian Cheese in the face today.

The Commander of Krioval has personally not slapped every citizen of Armandian Cheese in the face today?

(*This thread was just missing one thing*)

President Nofirstname Nolastname addresses the nation.

"My fellow Notan00bians, as you may very well know, the government of Momanguise has not carried out atrocities against its own people. Of course, a nation as unwise and not powerful as ours cannot help but not respond. Therefore, as you watch, I shall give the order to not bombard all Momanguise government buildings with the uber-spiffy orbital platforms we do not have, after which our army of 5 billion troops will not magically teleport into the country and not liberate it.

Mr. General, now.

*Nonexistant orbital platforms do not bombard every government building in Momanguise, not killing every official of that nonevil government. Five billion nonexistent Notan00bian soldiers do not enter Momanguise and do not occupy the country. The nonoppressed peoples of Momanguise do not come out and do not cheer the nonarrival of the soldiers, and do not proclaim President Nofirstname Nolastname as a god.*

OOC: |>0|\|'7 ph34r m3!!1 3y3 |>0|\|'7 p\/\/n j00!!!11

Also OOC: I dare you to call this not a godmod, and to not fire your I.G.N.O.R.E. cannons at me now. ;) :D

[OOC: Oh dear God the double negatives!]

OOC: Notan00b wasn't us.

IC:
(excerpted from VNN Channel 722 news broadcast)

"...onions.

In response to recent events, the Sultan of Vastiva went on vacation.

New opportunities in..."

Offical Statement by the Empire

We condemn...we mean we support..uh...huh...we think that uh...we would like to...Momanguise, we will...uh...

GOD DAMMIT!

What In god's name can we do to you!?! You've done nothing wrong, so if we were to take military action against you our populace would revolt but our higher-ups would be pleased...but if we dont go to war the higher-ups will be pissed but the populace would be happy...so many choices...so...confused!!!

Overload...Overload..melt-down iminent...123j124hp hgjhaldshfljahf uhbg dhgb ahsfbk bagvbbfafd...dafads.g..sadg......"

*boom*

The Lightning Star just blew up.

OOC: ROFLMAO! Good post, Momanguise.

Official Communique from Sir Hugh Petty of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and International Development, Office of Diplomatic Incidents, Directorate-General for Causation, Directorate for Sabre-rattling, Irascible Paranoid Insomniacs Division

We in His Majesty's Government demand that the fine nation of Momanguise immediately begin the purge of... [Sound of pages flipping] ...ah, here we go, puppets, at once. These naughty thing has been a blight on the world since the word GO. Their Punch and Judy antics have indoctrinated our youth in an endless cycle of violent behaviour the likes of which we have never seen, if you exclude two world wars, several large wars, incidences of genocide, and other bits of bad behaviour... well, you get the general idea. And, and, they can't talk on their own, so, er, who's speaking for them, and how can you tell if the whatever it is that's speaking means what it's saying? I mean, isn't that subversive? Well, isn't it?

Oh, there's the taxi.

Sincerely yours,

Sir Hugh Petty
Senior Officer
Irascible Paranoid Insomniacs Division
Directorate for Sabre-rattling
Directorate-General for Causation
Office of Diplomatic Incidents
Ministry of Foreign Affairs and International Development
UKIN

[Sound of large men in lab coats coming in to drag off Sir Hugh]

---

The His Isselmerian and Nielander Majesty's Government disavows any- and everything Sir Hugh has just written and thanks the great nation of Momanguise for being so civilised.

Sincerely yours,

Sir George Fredericks
Minister for Foreign Affairs and International Development

[OOC: Oh dear God the double negatives!]

ooc: I count 15.

Offical Statement by the Empire

We condemn...we mean we support..uh...huh...we think that uh...we would like to...Momanguise, we will...uh...

GOD DAMMIT!

What In god's name can we do to you!?! You've done nothing wrong, so if we were to take military action against you our populace would revolt but our higher-ups would be pleased...but if we dont go to war the higher-ups will be pissed but the populace would be happy...so many choices...so...confused!!!

Overload...Overload..melt-down iminent...123j124hp hgjhaldshfljahf uhbg dhgb ahsfbk bagvbbfafd...dafads.g..sadg......"

*boom*

The Lightning Star just blew up.

OOC: ROFLMAO! Good post, Momanguise.

ooc: LOL. Personally I think yours was funnier.

Official Communique from Sir Hugh Petty of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and International Development, Office of Diplomatic Incidents, Directorate-General for Causation, Directorate for Sabre-rattling, Irascible Paranoid Insomniacs Division

We in His Majesty's Government demand that the fine nation of Momanguise immediately begin the purge of... [Sound of pages flipping] ...ah, here we go, puppets, at once. These naughty thing has been a blight on the world since the word GO. Their Punch and Judy antics have indoctrinated our youth in an endless cycle of violent behaviour the likes of which we have never seen, if you exclude two world wars, several large wars, incidences of genocide, and other bits of bad behaviour... well, you get the general idea. And, and, they can't talk on their own, so, er, who's speaking for them, and how can you tell if the whatever it is that's speaking means what it's saying? I mean, isn't that subversive? Well, isn't it?

Oh, there's the taxi.

Sincerely yours,

Sir Hugh Petty
Senior Officer
Irascible Paranoid Insomniacs Division
Directorate for Sabre-rattling
Directorate-General for Causation
Office of Diplomatic Incidents
Ministry of Foreign Affairs and International Development
UKIN

Official Responce From Teh Grand Ideocracy Of Momanguise

Are you insane? Are you not aware that 99.999999999999999 etc. percent of Momanguise's population is made up of puppets? Are you not aware that Punch and Judy are national icons who demand a sacrifice of eight blonde virgins every friday? Should the puppets be killed off then....then there would be no-one left! All that would remain would be the *bows* Puppet Masters (hallowed be their names), who are, in this order, Beeker, Marathon, Sniper Country, FWS, CM/DA/VE, Joseph Stalin and Adolf Hitler.

Thank you for your time,

Some random idiot that I just invented.

bumpy