NationStates Jolt Archive

ooc: Feel free to comment ICly after the hunt starts, the footage is being broadcast all over the world.

Broadcast to Emperor Helldawg V, Shah Khosru III and Emperor Antonius

"Alrighty now... up for a Shooban hunt? Just provide 500 Shoobans each and come prepared to hunt naked and with your bare hands. The proceedings will be televised and broadcast all over the place, I can cut you in on some of the profits. A wildlife guide is included below."-The Great Leader Li.

On my way now. Can I at least wear some damned boxers? It'll be kinda wierd going on TV naked.

-Emperor Helldawg V

Stalker: Bear sized furless wolf creature with black skin and yellow eyes.
Pwnage Water Buffalo: Brachiating bovine.
Pwnage Poison Arrow Frog: Extremely poisonous frog.
Jungle Scorpion: 24 inch long scorpion.
Yetis: Found in the Mountains.
Pwnage Anaconda: Huge ass water snake
Pwnage Komodo Dragon: Huge komodo dragon.
Dog Variant Lizardman: T-rex sized reptile with a bad attitude.
Pwnage Rhino: Huge, 3 horned Rhino
Raechaelosaurus: Giagantic brachiating Sauropod.
Velociraptor Beta: Jurassic Park Velociraptor, except beefier and faster.
Robertson's Eagle: Gigantic Bird of Prey.
Compsognathii: Small, annoying dinosaurs.
Dilphosaur: Venom spitting dinosaur.
Pwnage Chamelon: Huge Chameleon
Pwnage Mosquito: Huge ass mosquito, over an inch long.
Jungle Boa: 150 foot long snake.
Pwnage Cobra: 30 foot long cobra, lethal venom.
Pwnage Pirahna: Vicious small fish.
Pwnage Electric Eel: Electric Eel capable of making over 10kW of electricity.
Pwnage Marsh Crocodile: Very large crocodile.
Jade Macaw: Green Macaw that can actually talk, not just mimic.
Ankylosaur Beta: Just that.
Corythosaurus: Duckbilled dinosaur, quite common.
Itchyosaur: The reason why you don't want to go swimming in the rivers of MassPwnage.
Pwnage Wild Boar: Large wild boar, VERY large.
Pwnage Hummingbird: Brightly colored birdie.
Pwnage Man Eating Woodpecker: Duck.
Pwnage Sparrow: Yup.
Pwnage Feral Rat: Imagine a rat larger than a Doberman
Hexceratops: Go figure.
Pwnage Leopard Ant: Painful bite.
Pwnage Beaver: Is big and it bites.
Pwnage Monkey: A monkey with long arms.
Pwnage Trout: Standard trout.

Plants:
Zikora Trees: 1000 foot tall tree. Can grow up to two feet a day.
Man Eating Strangler Fig: Just that.
Bob's Thorny Vine: A vine with 6 inch long thorns.
Colossal Bamboo: 1000 foot tall bamboo tree.
Venus Beartrap: The bigger cousin to the Venus flytrap.
Jungle Cactus: Yup.
Pwnage Orchid: Worth a fortune to collectors.
Pwnage Durian: Non smelly version of the Popular fruit.
Pwnage Passion Fruit: See above.
Pwnage Mushrooms: Consume not, unless you want to ingest a hallucinogen 400 times as powerful as LSD.
Pwnage Water Lily: A makeshift boat.
Pwnage Kudzu: Blocks up some ponds.
Pwnage Brazil Nut: Tasty nut, the pod is as hard as Tungsten and is the size of a Coconut shell.

"Sure whatever, but your clothes will rot off."-The Great Leader Li.

A V-68 VIP transport shot into MassPwnage airspace, leaving their escort of six F78A Demons behind in international waters. Aboard the craft was the sole ruler of Doomingsland, Emperor Helldawg V. For now, his son would be assuming command of the nation.

As the fighter-like jet VTOL neared the airport, the Emperor was awoken by an aid. Finally, the aircraft recieved clearence to land and it set down on a heavily guarded helipad.

A huge Imperial Guardsman acting as an representative of the Great Leader walked up to Emperor Helldawg.

"The Great Leader is currently at lunch... anyway... welcome to the People's Republic of MassPwnage."

(OOC: How come I'm not invited? And what about Praetonia? Since when was he a Shooban hunter?)

(OOC: Meh.)

Sunday!
Sunday!
Sunday!

Watch as Shoobans are hacked to death! Watch as they run from their attackers and try to survive! Watch as random lesbian Amazons attack the hunters! All of this on Sunday! Sunday, 9:00 P.M.! Be there! Be there or die! Or be really really really lame! You lamer!

This has been a message from Rose International Broadcasting

We will broadcasting this to our citizens.

We wish it to be a bloody and gory day...

-Random Guild Television Executive

ooc: Praetonia is supposed to send an assassin to try and kill Helldawg, and Mike Sarzo would use the severed genitals of anyone that tried to attend as his newest sex toy. And there are no Amazons.

"Hmmm, speaking of lunch..." muttered Helldawg as he strode over towards a waiting limo.

OOC: Ok, I'll post tomorrow, I dont have time tonight. Note that this isnt an evil plot to kill off someone's character without asking them... whoever I target can RP a hit, miss, whatever. I dont think I'll target Helldawg though, as it would violate the close RPness of the Roach Busters thing.

OOC: Ok, I'll post tomorrow, I dont have time tonight. Note that this isnt an evil plot to kill off someone's character without asking them... whoever I target can RP a hit, miss, whatever. I dont think I'll target Helldawg though, as it would violate the close RPness of the Roach Busters thing.
OOC:Well, you could always make the assasin be a mercenary hired by your government but he doesn't know that, or something so there'd be no reason for me to retaliate in case he got caught.

"A limo, for the purposes of expediency, it is suggest you take this C20 transport (ooc: The reason why I wanted the picture of the Coba)... The transport will take you the deep Kunming Jungles, where the hunt will take place."

"Ah, right," he said, turning around and walking towards the transport, which looked very similar to the one he'd arrived on.

OOC:The Coba is actualy a Soviet Bloc modification to my MV-68, so they use the same pic.

One thing Emperor Helldawg would notice was that the C20 was significantly faster than the MV-68/Coba.

The engines fired up as quietly as a Toyota/Rolls Royce Hybrid and sped off towards the huge Imperial Palace at Kunming, a city surrounded by deep jungle, where plants literally grew into buildings as one entity and birds flew about everywhere.

As Helldawg sat down, he flicked the switch on a nearby stereo. Ironically, the first song to play was Welcome to the Jungle...

tag

ooc: Doom, where are the Shoobans you were supposed to bring?

A much more appropriate song came out a second later, Sepultura's The Hunt, which would be good song for the upcoming TV show.

OOC:Right here!

IC:

As the transport neared the jungle, a massive swarm of C17s passed above. Suddenly, the skies were filled with parachutes as 500 Shoobans were kicked out of the cargo ramp doors of the aircraft, and decended into the jungle canopy below...

LIVE! ON ESPN 8, THE OCHO!

See amazing feats of courage and huinting skill as some of the top world leaders go head to head with the meanest, toughest creatures around. See an amazing epic event, not to be seen again!

SEE, THE GREAT HUNT!

OOC: On request of thread author.

Emperor Antonius raised the glass of Black Death vodka to his lips, only to have it spill as the modified GIC-1 luxury jetliner moved in for a landing at the specified Pwnagian airport. Cursing loudly, Antonius stood, fighting through the horde of Imperial servants who had swarmed him in the hopes of cleaning the spill from the front of his ceremonial jacket. Grabbing a towel from one of them, he wiped the remaining liquid away, and looked in frustration towards the rear of the aircraft, where Lord Varus, his nephew and soon to be competitor on the internationally broadcasted Pwnagian Shooban Hunt, was seated, restlessly awaiting arrival. At the nod from Antonius, Varus stood, and moved quickly towards the front of the aircraft, saber hanging at his waist and entourage of servants and personal Guards in tow.

The doors of the aircraft opened, and the procession made its way to the runway, followed by an escort of Imperial Praetorian White Guardsmen.

LIVE! ON ESPN 8, THE OCHO!

((OOC: Do we get any cameos by Bill Shatner and/or Chuck Norris?))

The C20 shot towards the palace, out in the middle of the jungle, and performed a perfect landing on one of the helipads. Helldawg stepped out, stretching himself. He wore jungle MARPAT camo fatigues and sunglasses, and had five o'clock shadow. He looked more like a commando than an emperor. He was spinning around his combat knife in his hand at an insane rate, as if he were obsesive compulsive until a guard arrived and showed him to his massive room.

Another group of Imperial Guards greeted the Generians at Daducheng Intl. and whisked them off to the palace.

The palace was big, rather overgrown with vegetation and luxurious in the extreme, it made the Generian lounge, hell it made Versailles pale in comparision.

The contestants would stay here for 2 weeks while the Shoobans acclimated.

The sky darkened as a fleet of C-130 cargo transports appeared above the jungle. 500 hapless Generian Shoobans fell from the sky on parachutes. These Shoobans were of a larger variety than the other types, having been bred largely for hard manual labor in order to complete austentacious Imperial construction projects. Now they would serve as prey for the sport of greater men, and bait for the beasts.

Another group of Imperial Guards greeted the Generians at Daducheng Intl. and whisked them off to the palace.

The palace was big, rather overgrown with vegetation and luxurious in the extreme, it made the Generian lounge, hell it made Versailles pale in comparision.

The contestants would stay here for 2 weeks while the Shoobans acclimated.

Antonius stepped out of the transport, dark sunglasses covering his eyes and a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. He took a look at the luxurious temporary residence, and instantly his mood improved. Accompanied by the rest of the procession he entered the foyer.

"Where can a man get a drink around here?"

Varus calmly surveyed his new surroundings before departing in search of fleshier pleasures.

The Imperial Guardsman who was supposed to be the guide shook his head. MassPwnage was one of most sexually liberal societies on Earth, but still Varus' libido was kind of well.... pathetic.

"Oh well, we can show your rooms, well sub-palaces first... And trust me, we have plenty of room service here..."

Antonius's entourage of servants and bodyguards followed him as he entered his chamber within the subpalace, carrying nearly three dozen large suitcases. Antonius collapsed in a stuffed armchair, and motioned for one to be brought forward to him. A diminuitive servant approached the Emperor with a suitcase on his back, the weight nearly crushing him. As he reached Antonius, his spine telescoped and he collapsed, the suitcase burying him. Antonius broke into a rant of cursing as he jumped to his feet.

"Be careful damnit!"

Opening the suitcase, a grin appeared on his face as his eyes fell upon the beautiful sight of thirty-six bottles of fine Black Death Vodka. Grabbing one, he collapsed back into the chair and raised it to his lips in ecstacy.

I'm 57 years old, If I was younger I would be happy to do this, but I can hardly ride my horse like I used to, much less climb trees with my bare hands. Maybe I'll send someone.

-Shah Khosru III

Helldawg, who couldn't sit still while awake, decided to head off into the palace grounds. He was bored, so he decided he might as well go ahead and swalow that nano-cam. He intended to do a little practice before the hunt itself...

An Imperial Guardsman carrying the Generian servant out in one hand saw Helldawg.

"So, do you want him?"

Helldawg's face lit up at the idea, and threw open the door to Antonius' chamber.

"Hey, Antonius! Watch this!" he yelled to his somewhat drunk father-in-law.

In a lightning fast motion, he stuck his hand into the ribcage of the servant, ripping out several ribs. He took the ribs, and impaled the servant through the back with them. He then grabbed him by the throat, and quickly tore the skin off, leaving him gasping for air. Helldawg started to walk away, and suddenly piveted and turned, grabbing him by the skull, and tearing it clean off of his sholders. He then tossed the head onto the floor. "I hope the cameras caught that one." he said with a grin.

That was the first footage, it would be broadcast as the upcoming preview of the hunt itself to channels all over the world....

Antonius laughed uproariously at the great display of sport before offering his daughter's husband a drink and draining another bottle himself.

Helldawg took a towel from a servant and wiped the blood off of his hands before plopping down on a couch and having a drink with Antonius. "So, how are things in Generia?"

ooc: feel free to talk about national secrets, remember, Helldawg is cammed.

Helldawg took a towel from a servant and wiped the blood off of his hands before plopping down on a couch and having a drink with Antonius. "So, how are things in Generia?"

"Same as always. We're rich, we're extravagant, we're unnecessarily violent, we're oversexed, and we're loving every minute of it."

Antonius leaned back and lit a cigar, placing it in his mouth. He took another out of the finely carved box, and offered it to his son in law.

"Cigar? It's Cuban."

Helldawg took it, taking a light from his father-in-law. "Things in Doomingsland are mostly the same. The people are behaving their best, as not to get the Inquisition on their asses. Rumors of a war with the CFA are circulating pretty heavily, however. The people grow thirsty for commie flesh." he said in a matter-of-factly manner, taking a drag of the fine Cuban cigar.

Narrator: And meanwhile... the Parthian guy has yet to arrive.

Narrator: And also, Praetonia has yet to make an appearance.

OOC: I hold almost half of Shoobooshaaba and thus almost half of the Shooban slaves in the world. Plus I tired to get involved in the RB-Sarzonian war which it seems this has a tie to, cna I get in?

ooc: Hmm... if Praetonia doesn't post by tommorow sure.

ooc: BAHLUMP!

OOC: Can I get in now?

ooc: Go ahead, it looks like Praetonia's not coming
And damnit Parth, hurry up.

A V-68 VIP transport, much like the one Helldawg had arrived in, came towards MazzPwnage airspace.

"This is Borman Imperial VIP transport with Emperor Bhalk aboard. Requestign permission to land. Shoobans will be arriving momentarily."

"You have the go ahead."

The V-68 VIP transport came down and landed on the designated MassPwnage airstrip. Emperor Bhalk climbed out surrounded by an entourage of personnel. He made his way to an official and inquired as to how he would be going to the games.

“And my Shoobans will be arriving soon, oh, there they are.”

A group of planes flew above bodthe jungle. Doors opened and roughly 2,000 Shoobans were pushed out. To provide a hilarious spectacle several Shoobans were strapped to every parachute, and the extra sent to cover the dead.

note; you're supposed to drop them into the jungle.

note; you're supposed to drop them into the jungle.

OOC: Can I have Bhalk hire some MassPwnage citizens to pick up the survivors and bring them to the jungle?

ooc: i'll let you edit your post.

done

Oh well... anyway... Bhalk was given a room in the palace.

The Shah burst in through the doors, clothed in a gold trimmed military uniform with blue coated Immortals on his sides and a throng of servants wheeling a cage with a political dissident trapped inside. The Shah laughed as he wheeled over to the Chancellor and spoke, "I am a bit old to do something like this, but I spose this Communist assassin I sentinced to participate in this or be tortured to death could do a pretty effective job."

ooc: edit it parthia.

"Hmm... let him out of the cage." said the Commissar in charge.

"Why hello Shah, what do you have there?"

Bhalk walked out of his room and towards the Shah.

"Its a communist dissident, he is hunting for preventing his execution. "

"Its a communist dissident, he is hunting for preventing his execution. "

"Very nice. If I happen to injure him, it's a mistake."