NationStates Jolt Archive

Teh Demented Squirrels send greetings to the world community.

Before the international community snickers too much, we would like to remind nations, especially temperate ones, that large squirrel populations can rapidly destabilize a country by throwing acorns at its citizens.

Our universal goal is to unite squirrels everywhere, leading to a vast Squirrel Empire.

If your nation pays us a tribute of acorns, we will be more inclined to leave your nation alone after our unification plans come to fruitition.

Squirrels of the world, unite against the oppressors of Animal Control!

Please deliver acorns to:

The Great Tree
10 East Squirrel Boulevard
Great Squirrel Conspiracy City, 95793-4353

The preceding message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

After speaking with my Director of Woodland Animal Affairs and Director of Agriculture, we have decided to send you a transport ship of Manawskistani Acorns.

However, let it be known that Manawskistani citizens are well known for their hunting abilities, as Woodland Animals are often found in overpopulation situations and must be controlled. Our military is also well trained in Woodland Animal eradication, for similar reasons. Hopefully this shipment of acorns will make it understood that we need not fire our weapons upon your brethren.

Also, if you know any better solutions to Woodland Animal overpopulation, please inform us. There is a great deal of unrest when population control is enabled.

Lord Protector Manawski I

The Grand Patriarch of the United Socialist States of Nargopia has issued the following statement:

"We wish it to be known that we have not, do not, and will not negotiate with squirrel terrorists! We would also make it known that we are fully prepared to respond to any show of force by the squirrels of Nargopia, or any foreign squirrels that may cross into our nation."

Shortly thereafter, the Nargopian Border Patrol received orders to perform an Orange Security Level check on all squirrels entering or leaving the Planet of Nargopia. In addition, the government launched a massive propoganda campaign designed to ensure the loyalty of domestic squirrels.

Upon hearing of this outrageous demand, the Novikovian Prime Minister was quoted as saying, "Let them have the f***ng acorns! We don't use 'em."

Therefore, Novikov formally invites the citizens of Teh Demented Squirrels to come and harvest all acorns in Novikov. We, however, will not take over harvesting duties of such a meaningless crop.

After speaking with my Director of Woodland Animal Affairs and Director of Agriculture, we have decided to send you a transport ship of Manawskistani Acorns.

However, let it be known that Manawskistani citizens are well known for their hunting abilities, as Woodland Animals are often found in overpopulation situations and must be controlled. Our military is also well trained in Woodland Animal eradication, for similar reasons. Hopefully this shipment of acorns will make it understood that we need not fire our weapons upon your brethren.

Also, if you know any better solutions to Woodland Animal overpopulation, please inform us. There is a great deal of unrest when population control is enabled.

Lord Protector Manawski I

We appreciate the acorns and wish to open friendly diplomatic relations with the nation of Manawskistan. As for your requests regarding squirrel population control, we will take your excess squirrels and grant them full citizenship.

The preceding message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

The Goa'uld System Lords have already begun to hunt-down and exterminate all Squirrels within Goa'uld Territory.

All Squirrels are being shot, Zatted, run-over, and frikacied with a nice garlic-liquor sauce as we speak.

Shol' Kree!

Upon hearing of this outrageous demand, the Novikovian Prime Minister was quoted as saying, "Let them have the f***ng acorns! We don't use 'em."

Therefore, Novikov formally invites the citizens of Teh Demented Squirrels to come and harvest all acorns in Novikov. We, however, will not take over harvesting duties of such a meaningless crop.

The Foreign Ministry hereby applies for 200,000 farm worker visas for our bretheren, so that we may harvest these acorns.

The preceding message has been approved by...the Demented Übersquirrel!

The Goa'uld System Lords have already begun to hunt-down and exterminate all Squirrels within Goa'uld Territory.

All Squirrels are being shot, Zatted, run-over, and frikacied with a nice garlic-liquor sauce as we speak.

Shol' Kree!

A message to our bretheren in Goa-uld and Nargopia

(transmitted by short-range radio, and never misunderestimate a squirrel's stealthiness)

The Jingoistic States of teh Demented Squirrels advises all squirrels within Goa-uld and Nargopia to engage in guerrilla warfare against the oppressors of Animal Control and local equivalents. Stay away from roads; instead throw acorns at passing cars from hiding spots in the trees. Likewise, if you encounter a hunter, do not move until he looks in the other direction, at which point you can take shelter in the nearest tree. The politicians responsible for these evil policies make excellent targets for acorn peltings, if you can find them.

This message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

"Here are the acorns from Borman."

The delivery men laid down 312643016593165-9316951633615907136590365 boxes. Then they left.

A squirell opened a box to fidn that it was full of pink packing peanuts, like every box. Inside each box was also a not reaidng,

"We will never surrender to your demands and will fight to the last. We value our acrons higher than the nation of...of...Manawskistan.

-Acorn president"

"Here are the acorns from Borman."

The delivery men laid down 312643016593165-9316951633615907136590365 boxes. Then they left.

A squirell opened a box to fidn that it was full of pink packing peanuts, like every box. Inside each box was also a not reaidng,

"We will never surrender to your demands and will fight to the last. We value our acrons higher than the nation of...of...Manawskistan.

-Acorn president"

A crowd of hundreds of squirrels gathered around the boxes as the delivery men walked away. When the squirrels opened the boxes, they were greatly angered by the inflamatory note and the presence of pink packing peanuts instead of acorns.

The Borman Empire had made the mistake of giving hordes of angry squirrels LOTS of ammunition. Before the delivery men got too far, the squirrel mob pelted them with tens of thousands of packing peanuts.

As news of the resistance reached the Übersquirrel, he grew most pleased.

The Goa'uld System Lords have already begun to hunt-down and exterminate all Squirrels within Goa'uld Territory.

All Squirrels are being shot, Zatted, run-over, and frikacied with a nice garlic-liquor sauce as we speak.

Shol' Kree!

OOC: Zatted???

IC:

Vastiva wishes to know the cost per ton of squirrel meat.

Hi Skwirrles,

at least you are not an Alcaholic Squirrel like those currently Plaguing the EP.

Leader MEdvedev after hearing request; "Nuts they want nuts *Chuckles* Send them all the nuts we dont care"

A large Hercules carrier plane takes off with over 10 tons of Acorns.

Hope your happy with ous nuts!

*Chuckles*

Ab-shalom and greetings to Teh Demented Squirrels;

We would ask how your nation can be of any threat to our nation, considering we are a squirrel-less antarctic nation. We do have trees, and you are welcome to attempt to nest in them - but we would warn you in advance of the presence of Antarctican Polar Bears, which eat just about everything in their way, and of weather which includes 200 mph winds and temperatures in the low -100s.

Namaste,
Voyate Shumash ben Allen
Vizier of Commerce
Humble Servant of His Magnificence, the Sultan of Vastiva

We appreciate the acorns and wish to open friendly diplomatic relations with the nation of Manawskistan. As for your requests regarding squirrel population control, we will take your excess squirrels and grant them full citizenship.

The preceding message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!


Most Excellent indeed. We will begin training the military in the art of safe capture of Squirrel populations immediately. Frankly I was beginning to distrust the aim of some of my citizens out in the open fields.

[We also got rid of all of those damn acorns ;) ]

Lord Protector Manawski I

Ab-shalom and greetings to Teh Demented Squirrels;

We would ask how your nation can be of any threat to our nation, considering we are a squirrel-less antarctic nation. We do have trees, and you are welcome to attempt to nest in them - but we would warn you in advance of the presence of Antarctican Polar Bears, which eat just about everything in their way, and of weather which includes 200 mph winds and temperatures in the low -100s.

Namaste,
Voyate Shumash ben Allen
Vizier of Commerce
Humble Servant of His Magnificence, the Sultan of Vastiva

Do not misunderestimate the ability of squirrels to stow away on cargo ships and other naval vessels. That said, we are highly adaptable, and are training an elite special ops force of squirrels for arctic operations. Perhaps your nation would make a useful site for such training. We shall hunt the polar bears with acorns. Will we need to bring our own ammunition?

This message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

Leader MEdvedev after hearing request; "Nuts they want nuts *Chuckles* Send them all the nuts we dont care"

A large Hercules carrier plane takes off with over 10 tons of Acorns.

Hope your happy with ous nuts!

*Chuckles*

We appreciate your shipment of acorns. We hope that this can lead to a more cordial relationship between teh Demented Squirrels and Comunisticturkeys.

This message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

*Hands over a nut and then retracts hand quickly, as if playing with the squirrel, and then says,"Oooh, that's a good squirrel"..and then notices that he's playing with a squirrel, and squirrels could bite...so he reaches into his pocket and brings out a further twenty acorns and gives all twenty-one acorns to that one low squirrel.*

*Hands over a nut and then retracts hand quickly, as if playing with the squirrel, and then says,"Oooh, that's a good squirrel"..and then notices that he's playing with a squirrel, and squirrels could bite...so he reaches into his pocket and brings out a further twenty acorns and gives all twenty-one acorns to that one low squirrel.*

*said squirrel retreats to his treehome, where he reports to teh Übersquirrel Headquarters.*

Official statement to The Macabees

"You were wise not to antagonize the squirrels too much. Have a good day. Your payment of, er, protection money has been acknowledged."

The preceding message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

The Grand Patriarch sat in his recliner, overlooking the ocean to the east.

"What's for dinner tonight?" he asked the Master Chef.

"Squirrel a la King." the chef replied.

The Grand Patriarch smiled to himself. Squirrel a la King was his favorite dish. Perhaps a raid on the squirrel nation was in order.

The nation of Oologah has no need for it's acorns. We are loading a C-5 up with acorns right now to be delivered to the Squirrel Nation.

[SECRET IC]The aconrs that are on board the C-5 have a special tasteless, odorless chemical that shuts down squirrel digestive systems for 52 hours. This is in effort to rid the world of the Great Squirrel Menace.[/SECRET IC]

We will not suceeed to your demands. As a good and rightly space faring empire, we could annihilate all squirrels with viruses. But we do not - Squirrels may do as they please, without renerging on the rights of other. However, this protection is given under our banner, not the banner of some power hungry, acorn grabbing psyopath who believes his deluisions will benefit his species.

Arkady Gregorovich, President Speaker of Xenonier.

The nation of Oologah has no need for it's acorns. We are loading a C-5 up with acorns right now to be delivered to the Squirrel Nation.

[SECRET IC]The aconrs that are on board the C-5 have a special tasteless, odorless chemical that shuts down squirrel digestive systems for 52 hours. This is in effort to rid the world of the Great Squirrel Menace.[/SECRET IC]

Upon delivery, three squirrels opened the boxes of acorns and started munching. Soon, they encountered severe digestive problems and went to the nearest friendly squirrel hospital, where they were diagnosed with food poisoning. It did not take the Ministry of Squirrel Health long to trace the food poisoning to...the Oologah shipment. They were hooked up to an IV needle and given food and water when required, until their digestive systems resumed normal functioning two and a half days later.

The matter was referred to teh Demented Übersquirrel, who had this to say:

"Paint all the acorns in the poisoned shipment black to denote their toxicity. We still have use for them--as ammunition against the evil nation of Oologah."

After much debate in the Imperial Senate, a proposal was sent to the Emperor's Council as to the squirrel matter. The proposal was approved by the Emperor.

The Imperium will send the folllowing:
One nut every year for the next fifty years.
Good day.

We now consider the matter closed.

We will not suceeed to your demands. As a good and rightly space faring empire, we could annihilate all squirrels with viruses. But we do not - Squirrels may do as they please, without renerging on the rights of other. However, this protection is given under our banner, not the banner of some power hungry, acorn grabbing psyopath who believes his deluisions will benefit his species.

Arkady Gregorovich, President Speaker of Xenonier.

"I might be power-hungry, but I assure you, the acorns are distributed for the benefit of all citizens of The Jingoistic States of teh Demented Squirrels. And, I am not a psychopath."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

The Grand Patriarch sat in his recliner, overlooking the ocean to the east.

"What's for dinner tonight?" he asked the Master Chef.

"Squirrel a la King." the chef replied.

The Grand Patriarch smiled to himself. Squirrel a la King was his favorite dish. Perhaps a raid on the squirrel nation was in order.

Rumors of a raid on this new squirrel nation quickly spread in the Nargopian squirrel community. A few squirrels emigrated to teh Demented Squirrels before they ended up on a dinner plate. They were able to provide some most valuable intellegence on Nargopian propaganda/loyalty programs.

Teh Demented Übersquirrel quickly tweaked his own propaganda programs, noting the Grand Patriarch's favorite dinner dish. This would far outdo any propaganda for "domestic squirrel loyalty programs" that Nargopia could proffer.

Greetings, fellow small and fuzzy beings!

My people have little interest in acorns; we will be happy to gather a shipment of them for you every year from D.G. territory.

Would you like to join the Rodent Alliance? It seems that we have certain interests in common, and might be well advised to work together.

-Zeek, High Lord of the Tunnels, Supreme Leader of the Demonic Gopher Army

((OOC: Note that, though the R A has an Allianced region, members are not required to move to it.))

Do not misunderestimate the ability of squirrels to stow away on cargo ships and other naval vessels. That said, we are highly adaptable, and are training an elite special ops force of squirrels for arctic operations. Perhaps your nation would make a useful site for such training. We shall hunt the polar bears with acorns. Will we need to bring our own ammunition?

This message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

In HSI HQ, Sisu Vaari, a shadowy figure reads the newest missive from "teh Demented Übersquirrel"

"Ooooh, look! A nut!"
"Perhaps. At the worst, polar bear chow. At best, they can bother the bears away from us for awhile. Besides which, the southern Antarctic Pine forests are a few months from dormancy - which means a complete lack of food there. Tell them to send what they want to Kjik'Kjak, but must operate south of the gates."
"Sir, that's certain death."
"And your point is?"

***

Diplomatic Message to Teh Demented Squirrels

You are hereby granted permission for military operations south of the city of Kjik'Kjak in the Southern Antarctic Pine Forests, in any strength you wish up to three divisions.

Please note, we will not be responsible for your safety or logistics.

Good Luck.

Namaste,
Kareem ben Alovar
Vizier of Domestic Activities
Humble Servant of His Magnificence, the Sultan of Vastiva

***

(reposting of earlier informational thread)

We had a nut in our region. It was one of those "If some meddling is good, more must be better" nuts.

First, the nut gave us soil bacteria that goes nuts six months out of the year, and dormant the other six. And we were happy. We could have some trees now, and occasionally things would rot. This gave way to actual soil, which meant rather then importing all our food, or fishing for it, we could actually plant things.

Life was good. Our temperatures rose in some areas, wind was slowed in some areas, and the scent of Antarctic Pine was a good thing.

Then.... he imported polar bears.

Big predator, no enemies, lots of food around which had no idea what a polar bear was. And to top it all off, all those trees for the damn bears to hide in.

Kids went from walking to school to learning to handle an RPG to handle the damn bears.

You want polar bear? Tastes nothing like chicken. Greasy, known to catch fire if improperly prepared. Don't eat the liver and you'll be fine.

We ship to meet demand. We'll also host hunting groups. Hell, bring a small army to hunt the damn things. They've eaten two so far. No, not hunters - hunting parties.

So, anyone want polar bears?

Antarctican Polar Bears

Height:
Twelve feet at least. One twenty foot monster was busily dismantling a truck when finally stopped.

Weight:
Females: 775 to more than 1,500 pounds
Males: 900 to more then 2,500 pounds.

Intelligence: At least as smart as apes. They open doors. Have not figured out locks. Yet.

Forepaws measure between 12” and 24” across, are webbed. Did I mention the claws?

A polar bear is so well-insulated that it experiences almost no heat loss. In addition to its insulating fur, the bear's blubber layer can measure between 6.5 inches thick to a whopping 11.2 inches thick.

So effective is the polar bear's insulation that adult males quickly overheat when they run. NOT! They can run at a dismaying 15 mph over short distance, but prefer to ambush. They can swim at 6 mph and have no known limit on distance they can travel. They can also see 15 to 25 feet in the water.

Because polar bears give off no detectable heat, they do not show up in infrared photographs. (Infrared film measures heat.) When a scientist attempted to photograph a bear with such film, he produced a print with a single spot--the puff of air caused by the animal's breath. Then it ate him.

Small arms mean nothing to these bears. Anything less then a .45 round is annoying but will not penetrate the hide and fat armor.

Additional Information forwarded:

The Antarctican Polar Bears are directly responsible for the complete destruction of the following nations within our region:

The Democratic Republic of Relorin
The Queendom of Intellectuala
The Empire of Taun Taun
The Protectorate of BlueIceia
The Queendom of Crystal Dorm
The Grand Duchy of Polardia
The Traditional Land of Japanese Artica
The Dictatorship of Thornapplebison
The Republic of Orchomenos
The People's Republic of Duck Moss
The Incorporated States of Umbrella-Inc
The Holy Republic of Episcopalia
The Borderlands of Mist and Fog
The Rogue Nation of Southern-Antarctica

We suspect they have devoured somewhere between 6.3 and 9 billion people to date; numbers of "missing" individuals are still being coalated.

We will not pay any sort of "protection money" to anyone. However we do have a large surplus of acorns and nuts, so you may apply for a working permit for up to half a million labourers. A standard 3% tax-rate must be paid over the export price of these acorns and nuts which is currently 0.01 Imperials per 100 ton.

You will also recieve an export permit for 10.000.000 tons of nuts and acorns, provided you supply transport and harvesting.

Erik Solar,
Imperial Councillor,
Minister of Foriegn Affairs.

Excerpt: Military News Daily

"...clude that the UN are a bunch of sissies, end quote."

"In related news; acting in response to the growing Squirrel Threat to global peace and stability, Uniphase Armouries Interversal of Kanuckistan has unveiled a new line of highly affordable body armour."

"The Mark ex-ex-vee-aye-aye Light Anti-Ballistic Acorn Battlesuit is reportedly composed of light-weight space-age corrigated cardboard, with an expected retail price of $1.50 USD per unit. The company denies rumors that it's armour is suceptible to the chemical weapon Dihydrogen Monoxide, which the Squirrel's are belived to have ready access to, citing the pre-release addition of an advanced polymer laminate - more commonly known as Saran Wrap."

"Our sources indicate that an armour composed of a ridged polymer shell with padded 'foam' underlay is currently under development by the company, to provide even greater protection."


"In economic news, low-grade glass markets continue to be flooded in the wake of increasingly frequent nuclear wars abroad, driving down prices and forcing companies to lay off...."

Farmina refuses to bow before squirrel demands; Farmina bows before no one but God.

We will however invite the squirrels to sign a free trade agreement with Farmina allowing squirrel goods to be sold to Farmina in exchange for acorns.

Farmina also inquires as to whether it can teach the squirrels the one true religion; Grey Catholicism.

Thomas Goth
Chancellor for Foriegn Affairs



Chancellor Goth swallowed a large scotch after writing that decree, he was having trouble believing he was negotiating with squirrels.

Excerpt: Military News Daily

"...clude that the UN are a bunch of sissies, end quote."

"In related news; acting in response to the growing Squirrel Threat to global peace and stability, Uniphase Armouries Interversal of Kanuckistan has unveiled a new line of highly affordable body armour."

"The Mark ex-ex-vee-aye-aye Light Anti-Ballistic Acorn Battlesuit is reportedly composed of light-weight space-age corrigated cardboard, with an expected retail price of $1.50 USD per unit. The company denies rumors that it's armour is suceptible to the chemical weapon Dihydrogen Monoxide, which the Squirrel's are belived to have ready access to, citing the pre-release addition of an advanced polymer laminate - more commonly known as Saran Wrap."

"Our sources indicate that an armour composed of a ridged polymer shell with padded 'foam' underlay is currently under development by the company, to provide even greater protection."


"In economic news, low-grade glass markets continue to be flooded in the wake of increasingly frequent nuclear wars abroad, driving down prices and forcing companies to lay off...."


:D :D :D

pulls out huge space navy wanna try me

I'm sorry, squirrels, but you need to take a little personal responsibility and earn those acorns. We here in Boss Hawg, like all nations of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, believe in a hand up, not a hand-out, and so we'd be willing to offer you a nice, part-time job (sans benefits, of course). You'd get much more than acorns from this transaction. You'd get a sense of accomplishment and the satisfaction of a job well done. I know you might not be the most skilled of workers, but we could arrange something in a wheel, perhaps. You could generate some electricity for Boss Hawg, we'd pay up to five cents per kilowatt hour, you get your acorns and a little exercise to boot. Boy howdy, we'd all be winners.

Of course, if all you want is a hand-out, try the bleeding heart bitches over at The Liberal Media. Though it might be tough to find any nuts in them parts.

The Conglomerated Oligarchy of Frisbeeterian Corporate States regrets to inform Teh Demented Squirrels that our borders are permanent closed to all nations, and that TDS migrant harvesters would unfortunately not be permitted to enter the nation for the purpose of harvesting acorns. TDS workers are more than welcome to make arrangements with any of our neighbors, and may without penalty pick up any Frisbeeterian acorns that have dropped and crossed the borders on their own.

TCOoFCS would also like to point out that the Corporate States do not at present have any oak trees at all. TDS harvesters must therefore limit themselves to the acquisition of windfallen maple, beech, aspen, palm, and mahogany acorns. If this presents an insurmountable issue, please be sure to let us know.

Susan Liverbait,
Public Affairs Director
Frisbeeterian ConAgra Associates, Inc.
Glenlivet, Frisbeeteria

"Ahoy, fair people of Ferdenique, and all who may view this transmission.

Our nation, amongst many others, has received some outrageous demand of some 'squirrel nation'. Aside from the fact the vermin doesn't exist on our island, we are troubled by this news, as our allies and friends do know these wretched little things, and as such, are to be pelted by acorns if they do not comply and pay tribute in, indeed, acorns.

Fellow pirates and citizens of Ferdenique, I say but two words, and two words only: keelhaul 'em! We do not stand for terrorism but the free-looting of pirates on the seas of the world, and we will aid any and all nations who are to be terrorized by these fuzzy vermin. You may find aid in our cyanide plants and destillation factories, to provide an end to this attrocious terrorism, for the mere act of forgiving our pirates of stealing your sea-farin' vessels, our new Navy.

With this, I bid the world, and my people, a good day.
Sail the high seas proudly.

Your leader, your dictator, your Captain."

Let them eat Cake instead

Official Government Response from Department of Random Responses

Additional Information forwarded:

The Antarctican Polar Bears are directly responsible for the complete destruction of the following nations within our region:

The Democratic Republic of Relorin
The Queendom of Intellectuala
The Empire of Taun Taun
The Protectorate of BlueIceia
The Queendom of Crystal Dorm
The Grand Duchy of Polardia
The Traditional Land of Japanese Artica
The Dictatorship of Thornapplebison
The Republic of Orchomenos
The People's Republic of Duck Moss
The Incorporated States of Umbrella-Inc
The Holy Republic of Episcopalia
The Borderlands of Mist and Fog
The Rogue Nation of Southern-Antarctica

We suspect they have devoured somewhere between 6.3 and 9 billion people to date; numbers of "missing" individuals are still being coalated.

"We will delay our expedition until we complete research into blubber-piercing rounds, rocket-assisted acorns, and similar projects."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

Greetings, fellow small and fuzzy beings!

My people have little interest in acorns; we will be happy to gather a shipment of them for you every year from D.G. territory.

Would you like to join the Rodent Alliance? It seems that we have certain interests in common, and might be well advised to work together.

-Zeek, High Lord of the Tunnels, Supreme Leader of the Demonic Gopher Army

((OOC: Note that, though the R A has an Allianced region, members are not required to move to it.))

"We appreciate your goodwill, and would like more information on the Rodent Alliance. We are, however, unable to move out of our current region."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

We will not pay any sort of "protection money" to anyone. However we do have a large surplus of acorns and nuts, so you may apply for a working permit for up to half a million labourers. A standard 3% tax-rate must be paid over the export price of these acorns and nuts which is currently 0.01 Imperials per 100 ton.

You will also recieve an export permit for 10.000.000 tons of nuts and acorns, provided you supply transport and harvesting.

Erik Solar,
Imperial Councillor,
Minister of Foriegn Affairs.

"We have 150,000 unemployed squirrels that we wish to send to your nation for acorn harvesting. The vast Underground Squirrel Network will be able to provide transportation for the exports."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

"Ahoy, fair people of Ferdenique, and all who may view this transmission.

Our nation, amongst many others, has received some outrageous demand of some 'squirrel nation'. Aside from the fact the vermin doesn't exist on our island, we are troubled by this news, as our allies and friends do know these wretched little things, and as such, are to be pelted by acorns if they do not comply and pay tribute in, indeed, acorns.

"Then there is that large tribute of packing peanuts that we received...we are not exclusively dependent on acorns for our ammunition."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

The Conglomerated Oligarchy of Frisbeeterian Corporate States regrets to inform Teh Demented Squirrels that our borders are permanent closed to all nations, and that TDS migrant harvesters would unfortunately not be permitted to enter the nation for the purpose of harvesting acorns. TDS workers are more than welcome to make arrangements with any of our neighbors, and may without penalty pick up any Frisbeeterian acorns that have dropped and crossed the borders on their own.

TCOoFCS would also like to point out that the Corporate States do not at present have any oak trees at all. TDS harvesters must therefore limit themselves to the acquisition of windfallen maple, beech, aspen, palm, and mahogany acorns. If this presents an insurmountable issue, please be sure to let us know.

Susan Liverbait,
Public Affairs Director
Frisbeeterian ConAgra Associates, Inc.
Glenlivet, Frisbeeteria

"Windfallen maple, beech, aspen, palm, and mahogany acorns are fine by us. However, wouldn't 'pick[ing] up any Frisbeeterian acorns that have dropped and crossed the borders on their own' constitute acorn harvesting? We find your statement self-contradicting."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

I'm sorry, squirrels, but you need to take a little personal responsibility and earn those acorns. We here in Boss Hawg, like all nations of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, believe in a hand up, not a hand-out, and so we'd be willing to offer you a nice, part-time job (sans benefits, of course). You'd get much more than acorns from this transaction. You'd get a sense of accomplishment and the satisfaction of a job well done. I know you might not be the most skilled of workers, but we could arrange something in a wheel, perhaps. You could generate some electricity for Boss Hawg, we'd pay up to five cents per kilowatt hour, you get your acorns and a little exercise to boot. Boy howdy, we'd all be winners.

Of course, if all you want is a hand-out, try the bleeding heart bitches over at The Liberal Media. Though it might be tough to find any nuts in them parts.

Why should we work as your slaves when certain other nations have offered us full harvesting rights? We also point out that, in many cases, we are doing the harvesting ourselves. The free market saith:

YOU'VE BEEN OUTBID!!!11!!

The preceding message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

Farmina refuses to bow before squirrel demands; Farmina bows before no one but God.

We will however invite the squirrels to sign a free trade agreement with Farmina allowing squirrel goods to be sold to Farmina in exchange for acorns.

Farmina also inquires as to whether it can teach the squirrels the one true religion; Grey Catholicism.

Thomas Goth
Chancellor for Foriegn Affairs



Chancellor Goth swallowed a large scotch after writing that decree, he was having trouble believing he was negotiating with squirrels.

"We would be willing to sign such a trade agreement. You may send us informational pamphlets about Grey Catholicism, but unfortunately, we are unable to admit missionaries to our nation at this time."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

Suit yerself, lil' varmint. Just be aware that you will be detained as enemy combatants if'n we catch y'all harvesting acorns in the VRWC. Also be aware that some of our more ruralized citizens look upon y'all as a delicacy. Lil' spot of squirrel stew, or some squirrel chops wrapped in bacon with a side of collard greens. Mmmmm-mmm. Making me hungry.

Suit yerself, lil' varmint. Just be aware that you will be detained as enemy combatants if'n we catch y'all harvesting acorns in the VRWC. Also be aware that some of our more ruralized citizens look upon y'all as a delicacy. Lil' spot of squirrel stew, or some squirrel chops wrapped in bacon with a side of collard greens. Mmmmm-mmm. Making me hungry.

"Teh Demented Squirrels considers this a declaration of war and will use your 'more ruralized citizens' as training for hunting the Vastivan polar bears, just as soon as we finish perfecting our rocket-propelled acorn weapons."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

*starts plotting the squirrel resistance*

"We appreciate your goodwill, and would like more information on the Rodent Alliance. We are, however, unable to move out of our current region."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel
It's a fairly simple organization. Here's the basic overview:
Members and friends of the R.A. will receive aid from the Alliance if attacked by non-Alliance nations without significant provocation. There are no obligations, though members are encouraged to contribute to the RAIM (Rodent Alliance International Military), and make an effort to seek peaceful resolution of conflicts within the Alliance. Moving to the region is not required to join the R.A., though all members are welcome here.

The Rodent Alliance also accepts non-rodents, so long as they are, or have the potential to be, cute and fuzzy. Anyone who gets along with it can become an official Friend of the R.A.

The R.A. also sometimes arranges forces to intervene in matters of rodent interest, such as extermination programs or refusal to negotiate about food sales, though such interventions are not official Alliance projects.

We would also be happy to assist you in any weapons development programs you may be undertaking.

If you have any questions, ask me here, by telegram, or in the R.A. headquarters, located at:
http://s3.invisionfree.com/The_Rodent_Alliance/

-Zeek

OOC: Ooh! *wants to help with squirrel resistance*
That's exactly the sort of unofficial project Zeek mentioned...

It's a fairly simple organization. Here's the basic overview:


The R.A. also sometimes arranges forces to intervene in matters of rodent interest, such as extermination programs or refusal to negotiate about food sales, though such interventions are not official Alliance projects.

We would also be happy to assist you in any weapons development programs you may be undertaking.

If you have any questions, ask me here, by telegram, or in the R.A. headquarters, located at:
http://s3.invisionfree.com/The_Rodent_Alliance/

-Zeek

OOC: Ooh! *wants to help with squirrel resistance*
That's exactly the sort of unofficial project Zeek mentioned...

We would be quite interested in joining the Rodent Alliance, and any acorn-related weapons technology to fight back against the evil capitalist hunter-oppressors. We might even not limit ourselves to acorns.

Regarding helping with the squirrel resistance, how adept are you all at biological guerrilla warfare? (ooc: spreading bubonic plague and such)

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

TO: To whom it may concern.
FR: The Foreign Office, Draconic Order
SU: Establishing diplomatic relations with foreign nations to achieve growth and prosperity

The Dominion of Draconic Order wishes to open relations with the Community of Teh Demented Squirrels. A transport of rare 'diamond' acorns should arrive at your tree within a matter of days.

-martivir ghoros kepesk-
(peace before the storm)
Maekrix Azure

(note: 'diamond' acorns are not made of diamond but are semi-translucent and look to be made out of diamond, plus they are as rare as diamonds. The transport holds 20 tons of that acorn.)

In that case, welcome to the R.A.!

I shall start a research program on weapons-grade acorns immediately.

As for biological warfare, we Demonic Gophers are more used to using poison darts, explosives, and crop elimination in war, but there may be other RA members who have experience with plague-spreading. We can also build a tunnel network for secret transportation in enemy territory, and I'm sure the Alliance can find other ways to be useful.

-Zeek

Excerpt: Military News Daily

"...are all very upset and to please stop calling them names, the letter from the UN said."


"Meanwhile, Uniphase Armouries Interversal is once more making headlines after the sucessful release of the enhanced Mark Twenty-Eight plastic-and-foam Medium Anti-Ballistic Acorn Battlesuit, with rumors that their first Acorn-based weapon system has completed it's development cycle. The squirl-sized recoilless rifle, belived to be called the Nutzooka, will retail for $9.95 USD, acording to our sources, with acorn-to-ammo conversion kits costing $1.50 USD per ten-round kit."


"In related news, the price of cardboard continues to climb in response to the growing number of acorn-attack world-wide, as people..."

Just as a note - biological and chemical weapons are useless in Vastiva. Particularly in the areas with the bears.

Just thought we'd point that out.

Just as a note - biological and chemical weapons are useless in Vastiva. Particularly in the areas with the bears.

Just thought we'd point that out.
As I recall, you have no native squirrels, and will not be a target for the Squirrel Resistance.

We have no native anything. Even the damn bears were imported.

Well, wait, there are the penguins...

We have no native anything. Even the damn bears were imported.

Well, wait, there are the penguins...

Did the bears eat up the penguins yet?

The nation of Korep likes a nation willing to work for nuts. Unfortunately, our nation is not based on Earth, so we would like to send a large shipment of nuts to your nation. All of our nuts our native to Fenola, but have been squirrel approved. We hope you enjoy them.

Strangely, no. The areas rife with penguins have been totally ignored by the bears.

This appears to be why. (http://www.geocities.com/askeptic1c/pingubear.jpg)

Strangely, no. The areas rife with penguins have been totally ignored by the bears.

This appears to be why. (http://www.geocities.com/askeptic1c/pingubear.jpg)

((*laughs*))

You would think that the bears would eat the penguins out of spite.

Strangely, no. The areas rife with penguins have been totally ignored by the bears.

This appears to be why. (http://www.geocities.com/askeptic1c/pingubear.jpg)
*laughs*
That's the funnies thing I've seen all day.

TO: To whom it may concern.
FR: The Foreign Office, Draconic Order
SU: Establishing diplomatic relations with foreign nations to achieve growth and prosperity

The Dominion of Draconic Order wishes to open relations with the Community of Teh Demented Squirrels. A transport of rare 'diamond' acorns should arrive at your tree within a matter of days.

-martivir ghoros kepesk-
(peace before the storm)
Maekrix Azure

(note: 'diamond' acorns are not made of diamond but are semi-translucent and look to be made out of diamond, plus they are as rare as diamonds. The transport holds 20 tons of that acorn.)

"Oooh...glittery acorns! We can use them for religious services!

Are you interested in an embassy exchange? We have a few acres outside of the Great Tree that we aren't using..."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

As I recall, you have no native squirrels, and will not be a target for the Squirrel Resistance.

No, but I did say that after my squirrels gained experience, they would hunt the bears. Though intelligence gleaned from the Vastivan penguins' tactics gives us an idea...

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

I think i may have the answer to your polar bear problem:
Secret Anti-Polar Bear Weapon (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v405/nsmilitary/e5100bc4.jpg)

"Oooh...glittery acorns! We can use them for religious services!

Are you interested in an embassy exchange? We have a few acres outside of the Great Tree that we aren't using..."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

RE: TO: To whom it may concern.
FR: The Foreign Office, Draconic Order
SU: Establishing diplomatic relations with foreign nations to achieve growth and prosperity

The Dominion of Draconic Order has agreed on an embassy exchange, you may board the transport when it arrives. The transport shall bring you before the Council, you may purpose a treaty there.

-martivir ghoros kepesk-
(peace before the storm)
Maekrix Azure

The nation of Korep likes a nation willing to work for nuts. Unfortunately, our nation is not based on Earth, so we would like to send a large shipment of nuts to your nation. All of our nuts our native to Fenola, but have been squirrel approved. We hope you enjoy them.

We would gratefully accept such a shipment, and look forward to cordial relations with Korep in the future.

The preceding message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

Excerpt: Military News Daily

"...are all very upset and to please stop calling them names, the letter from the UN said."


"Meanwhile, Uniphase Armouries Interversal is once more making headlines after the sucessful release of the enhanced Mark Twenty-Eight plastic-and-foam Medium Anti-Ballistic Acorn Battlesuit, with rumors that their first Acorn-based weapon system has completed it's development cycle. The squirl-sized recoilless rifle, belived to be called the Nutzooka, will retail for $9.95 USD, acording to our sources, with acorn-to-ammo conversion kits costing $1.50 USD per ten-round kit."


"In related news, the price of cardboard continues to climb in response to the growing number of acorn-attack world-wide, as people..."

OOC: Trying to skim profit off both sides of the Squirrel Wars, eh?

IC: We would like to inquire as to the possibility of pre-ordering some Nutzookas for field effectiveness testing, along with the necessary ammo?

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

I think i may have the answer to your polar bear problem:
Secret Anti-Polar Bear Weapon (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v405/nsmilitary/e5100bc4.jpg)

That might even work.... except the bears appear to avoid penguins.

OOC: Nutzookas and cardboard armor... I'd say this is getting weird, but it passed weird about twenty posts back...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v90/azureink/ships/Ship2.jpg

~The roar of the turbine engines filled the air as the massive aerial transport dipped below the clouds, coming into view of the massive tree. Its course would lead it to the open clearing several hundred meters away from the tree.~

OOC: Trying to skim profit off both sides of the Squirrel Wars, eh?

IC: We would like to inquire as to the possibility of pre-ordering some Nutzookas for field effectiveness testing, along with the necessary ammo?

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel


OOC:
Why of course; as a neutral entity, UAI is obligated to supply both sides equally, otherwise we'd be providing one side with a decided advantage and thus no longer remain neutral.

IC:

Herr Übersquirrel,

The weapons system in question is already avalible for general purchase, and we would be pleased to help facilitate your defence needs. You need but specify how many you wish to purchase, and how and when you would like to pay.

For your convenience, further information regaurding the requested products is enclosed.

Signed:
Douglas McDonald, Sales Rep,
Uniphase Armouries Interversal,
Kanuckistan

---------------------------

Weapon Stats:

Item: MK III Nutzooka

Caliber: 25mm x 32
Rate of Fire: 30 rpm
Muzzle Velocity: ~170m/sec
Effective Range: +150m
Overall Length: 72mm
Barrel Length: 70mm
Width: 27mm
Height: 32mm
Unloaded Mass: 31 grams

Cost per unit: $9.95 USD

Notes: The Acorn-2-Ammo Conversion Kits cost $1.50 USD each and can transform any 10 nuts or nut-like objects less than 24mm across and 30mm deep - but no less than 7.5mm in either dimention - into viable ammunition.

Actual range and muzzel velocity varry depending on nut ammunition used.



OOC: Nutzookas and cardboard armor... I'd say this is getting weird, but it passed weird about twenty posts back...

OOC:
Just doing my part. :cool:

OOC:
Just doing my part. :cool:
OOC: And doing it very well, if I may say so.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v90/azureink/ships/Ship2.jpg

~The roar of the turbine engines filled the air as the massive aerial transport dipped below the clouds, coming into view of the massive tree. Its course would lead it to the open clearing several hundred meters away from the tree.~

~The crunch of underbrush signaled the transport landing in the forest lined, open field. The huge cargo door slid open as the crates of 'diamond' acorns were revealed, marked by large stickers. Several men clothed in earthen colored robes began walked out the back, scanning the area before waving to four trucks stacked with crates (carrying 5 tons a piece). The convoy drove out of the massive transport, driving the distance through the forest towards the massive tree that stood as the capitol of the squirls, their metalic sheen glittering in the sunlight.~

Squirrel Dominions also requests acorns, and will gratefully supply amusing squirrel comedians to funny little squirrel things for your TV networks, providing that you allow us to gather your acorns.


Also, any people who insult the grand nation of Squirrel Dominions will be obliterated in a flash of guinea-pig powered war wagons, which fire acorns.... convieniently at groin level....

Broadcast from Acorn City:

Squirrelus Acornius:

My people! We are about to enter an age of thumb-biting, chattering, and acorn-throwing. We have posed our demands, and, unless the word aquesieces, we will sterilize each and every one of their troops!

Of course, we are a not a harsh people, and will provide HILARIOUS squirrel comedians in return for acorns. We hope to have a stockpile of 500 000 tons of acorns within 10 years.

If this effort succeeds, our economy, agriculture, and military will rise into huge proportions.

(Acorns = food & ammunition & money)

Also, on a darker note. Some people have EATEN squirrels. In response to this foul motion, we have developed..... the Acornianator 3200. It can fire up to 7000 acorns a second, due to the fact it is a huge military weapon. We can sterilize many enemies with this powerful weapon!

(Squirrellus Acornius starts frothing at the mouth, someone throws a acorn at him, it hits a pressure point, and he falls down, dead.)

OOC: Nutzookas and cardboard armor... I'd say this is getting weird, but it passed weird about twenty posts back...

OOC: Weird beyond my wildest expectations. :D

In that case, welcome to the R.A.!

I shall start a research program on weapons-grade acorns immediately.

As for biological warfare, we Demonic Gophers are more used to using poison darts, explosives, and crop elimination in war, but there may be other RA members who have experience with plague-spreading. We can also build a tunnel network for secret transportation in enemy territory, and I'm sure the Alliance can find other ways to be useful.

-Zeek

*twiddles fingers in front of face while having an evil, Mr. Burns like look on his face*

"Excellent."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

OOC:
Why of course; as a neutral entity, UAI is obligated to supply both sides equally, otherwise we'd be providing one side with a decided advantage and thus no longer remain neutral.

IC:

Herr Übersquirrel,

The weapons system in question is already avalible for general purchase, and we would be pleased to help facilitate your defence needs. You need but specify how many you wish to purchase, and how and when you would like to pay.

For your convenience, further information regaurding the requested products is enclosed.

Signed:
Douglas McDonald, Sales Rep,
Uniphase Armouries Interversal,
Kanuckistan

---------------------------

Weapon Stats:

Item: MK III Nutzooka

Caliber: 25mm x 32
Rate of Fire: 30 rpm
Muzzle Velocity: ~170m/sec
Effective Range: +150m
Overall Length: 72mm
Barrel Length: 70mm
Width: 27mm
Height: 32mm
Unloaded Mass: 31 grams

Cost per unit: $9.95 USD

Notes: The Acorn-2-Ammo Conversion Kits cost $1.50 USD each and can transform any 10 nuts or nut-like objects less than 24mm across and 30mm deep - but no less than 7.5mm in either dimention - into viable ammunition.

Actual range and muzzel velocity varry depending on nut ammunition used.





OOC:
Just doing my part. :cool:

"We would like to place the following order:

200,000 Nutzookas
3,000,000 Acorn-2 Ammo Conversion Kits

Total: $6,490,000 USD

Payment will be wired to your Swiss bank account(s) upon delivery of the order. You DO have a Swiss bank account, don't you?"

Ministry of Teh Squirrel Resistance
Teh Community of Teh Demented Squirrels

~The crunch of underbrush signaled the transport landing in the forest lined, open field. The huge cargo door slid open as the crates of 'diamond' acorns were revealed, marked by large stickers. Several men clothed in earthen colored robes began walked out the back, scanning the area before waving to four trucks stacked with crates (carrying 5 tons a piece). The convoy drove out of the massive transport, driving the distance through the forest towards the massive tree that stood as the capitol of the squirls, their metalic sheen glittering in the sunlight.~

Hundreds of thousands of curious squirrels gathered near the Great Tree to watch the strange craft land. After the strange craft landed, the squirrels watched the workers unload the crates of diamond acorns. After the workers left, the squirrels ambushed the crates, biting them apart. When the glittery diamond acorns were exposed, the squirrels shrank back in awe.

Finally, the squirrel priests managed to make their way through the crowds and started to collect the holy, glittery acorns. Teh Demented Übersquirrel blessed the acorns before they were hauled off to the churches.

Squirrel Dominions also requests acorns, and will gratefully supply amusing squirrel comedians to funny little squirrel things for your TV networks, providing that you allow us to gather your acorns.


Also, any people who insult the grand nation of Squirrel Dominions will be obliterated in a flash of guinea-pig powered war wagons, which fire acorns.... convieniently at groin level....

Broadcast from Acorn City:

Squirrelus Acornius:

My people! We are about to enter an age of thumb-biting, chattering, and acorn-throwing. We have posed our demands, and, unless the word aquesieces, we will sterilize each and every one of their troops!

Of course, we are a not a harsh people, and will provide HILARIOUS squirrel comedians in return for acorns. We hope to have a stockpile of 500 000 tons of acorns within 10 years.

If this effort succeeds, our economy, agriculture, and military will rise into huge proportions.

(Acorns = food & ammunition & money)

Also, on a darker note. Some people have EATEN squirrels. In response to this foul motion, we have developed..... the Acornianator 3200. It can fire up to 7000 acorns a second, due to the fact it is a huge military weapon. We can sterilize many enemies with this powerful weapon!

(Squirrellus Acornius starts frothing at the mouth, someone throws a acorn at him, it hits a pressure point, and he falls down, dead.)

Teh Community of teh Demented Squirrels is always happy to see a fellow nation of squirrels rise, and would like to inquire into the possibility of a strategic military alliance against the evil hunter-oppressor infidels."

The preceding message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

"They're... they're... they're squirrels! Armed squirrels. Tell me again why we are going to let them into our nation?"

"Two words. Hungry. Bears."

"Oh yeah..."

"Four more words. Better. Them. Then. Us."

As outlined in the Avalax-Squirrel Pact of 1306, the Demented Squirrels shall remain neutral towards Avalax so long as Avalax continues to make "Chocolate-covered Malted Acorn" candy bars.

Well, we haven't stopped maken em' yet. Or "Acola" and "Diet Acola"

As outlined in the Avalax-Squirrel Pact of 1306, the Demented Squirrels shall remain neutral towards Avalax so long as Avalax continues to make "Chocolate-covered Malted Acorn" candy bars.

Well, we haven't stopped maken em' yet. Or "Acola" and "Diet Acola"

"Meh. Just let us buy some of your candy bars."

--Random Demented Übersquirrel quote

GO MY RACCOON MINIONS!! GO AND CONQUER THE WORLD!!! KILL THE SQUIRELLS!!

I mean, whoa....hello sorry, I was just giving the daily surmen. Hold on real quickly,

ALAS WE CONQUER THE PENGUINS TOO!!!! NOW, ALL FORCES, ATTACK THE SQUIRELLS!!

So, hello?

( This post really has nothing to do with your topic what so ever, I am really tired and was boored and wanted to be funny, so yea don't take this post seriously, it is mostly OOC )

Racoons, eh? Watch your step, you lot!

(A likewise semi-OOC post)

The Interior Minister of Jackbootz will grant permission to any squirrel to harvest a sustainable amount of acorns from our forest. The only conditions being applied.
1. You must obtain a visa
2. if you over stay your visa you are liable to a fine or prison
3. You must sign a statement that hold the government and citizen of Jackbootz blameless if choose to visit durring squirrel hunting season which is from April until March each year.

The Interior Ministy
The Military Republic of Jackbootz

Our nation would love to comply with your request. Unfortunately due to the harsh tone of your letter and the fact that the squirrels in kinthesia are productive citizens who eat our nuts we have decided to declare war on you. By the way squirrel dominions our people are unusually tall and humanoid, but not human.

*Sends an order to prepare advance troop forces*

Sincerely,
Master Iconus Dion
Supreme Pyromaniac Of Kinthesia

Be you warned, Master Iconus Dion, that any attack upon Teh Demented Squirrels will be met with the full force of the R.A.I.M. (After all, we're not using it for much else at the moment.) I strongly encourage you to cancel your declaration; I am sure a diplomatic solution can be arranged.
If you persist, you shall suffer the consequences. So, I regret to say, will your citizenry.
-Zeek, High Lord of the Tunnels, Supreme Master of the Demonic Gopher Army.

OOC: Your leader's title is "Supreme Pyromaniac"? Cool! Zeek's rather fond of fire, himself...

Are you located on Earth?

Hundreds of thousands of curious squirrels gathered near the Great Tree to watch the strange craft land. After the strange craft landed, the squirrels watched the workers unload the crates of diamond acorns. After the workers left, the squirrels ambushed the crates, biting them apart. When the glittery diamond acorns were exposed, the squirrels shrank back in awe.

Finally, the squirrel priests managed to make their way through the crowds and started to collect the holy, glittery acorns. Teh Demented Übersquirrel blessed the acorns before they were hauled off to the churches.

~The three of the trucks drove back to the transport, the other one was assigned to wait until a diplomat was selected to visit the Draconic Order's council chambers for further negotiations.~

OOC: Yes I am located on earth, as it's the only planet with the suitable atmosphere for things to burn but not for every stray spark to trigger an explosion.

OOC: Well, there are enough FT nations around that I figured I should check...
Is Zeek's message going to get a response? If this is likely to actually end up as a war, I'll need to start contacting R.A. nations...
*grins at the thought of fire*

Our Squirrel Council (we Have a council of every speices in Kinthesia as they are all sentient, but humans just don't know how to talk to them) has deliberated on this matter and despite our best effort to dissuade them has decided that war is the best course of action. The Supreme Pyro has decided that unless they change their minds they will not have full support of the Kinthesian government including himself, but we cannot prevent them from using the army as that is their priviledge.

In that case, much as it pains me to go to war against fellow rodents, I prepare my troops for battle. The Rodent Alliance shall stand by its members! The rodents amongst you woulde be welcome to join the Alliance, but only of the squirrels could be convinced to negotiate.
-Zeek

Transmission to Teh Demented Squirrels:
It seems that you are about to be attacked. I am doing what I can to gather RA forces in your defense. In the mean time, I request permission to send troops to your nation; it may take a certain amount of time to organize the RAIM.
-Zeek

We do have other rodents such as mice and rats and gophers and antimers. can they join?

Sure! We'd be glad to have them with us. As a partial member of the Alliance, you will be entitled to aid in case of attack... except in this situation, of course. Depending on how this works out, your entire nation can eventually become an official Friend of the RA if you want.

Pkay, the Mice and Rats and Gophers and antimers have Decided to Join. By the way the squirrels don't control all the army so i can help you. only problem is that the squirrels outnumber us and have their own private army.
Here is a Preview of Some of the Squirrels Armament
MSP (Multi-Scatter-Pistol)
The Multi-Scatter-Pistol is a lightweight weapon developed for self-defense. Mercenaries use this weapon in case they run out of ammo for their more powerful weapons and for finishing off an enemy without armor.
Weight : little
Range : close/medium range
Accuracy : good
Rate of Fire : low
Damage vs. Armor : low
Damage vs. Flesh : high
Ammo use : 7 shrapnels / shot
Ammo Capacity : 70 shrapnels
Price : low
MSG (Multi-Scatter-Gattling)
The Multi-Scatter-Gatling is a pretty deadly gun. In its advanced scatter storage allows it to hold more shrapnels than the rifle or pistol. Also, this guns fire rate is only surpassed by laser rifles (which fire a continous beam).
Weight : medium
Range : close/medium range
Accuracy : starts good, gets worse when guns spins up
Rate of Fire : starts medium, gets ultra-high when gun spins up
Damage vs. Armor : low
Damage vs. Flesh : high
Ammo use : 7 shrapnels / shot
Ammo Capacity : 210 shrapnels
Price : medium
MoDeG (Molecular Desintegrator)
This horrible, banned, and very expensive wepaon has the power to fire a bouncing ball of force, that destroys bindings between molecules of everything that comes near it.
It charges up draining energy from your reserve when idle, and the more time it had to gather energy, the more effective the shot will be.
It is perfect to clear an area from everything.
Weight : very high
Range : medium range, dont use in close quarters combat
Accuracy : N/A
Rate of Fire : ultra-low
Damage vs Armor : very high
Damage vs Flesh : very high
Ammo use : tiny to high, depending on charge-up time
Ammo Capacity : N/A
Price : very high
Rocket Launcher
Commonly used, this four-barreled rocket launcher fires intelligent, enemy-seeking missiles.
The rockets are quite expensive, but do pack a punch.
Weight : high
Range : medium/long range
Accuracy : perfect when locked on
Rate of Fire : high
Damage vs Armor : medium/high
Damage vs Flesh : high
Ammo use : 1 rocket / shot
Ammo Capacity : 4 rockets in the launcher
Price : high
Visby Corvette
It is constructed almost entirely of carbon fiber, the same material used to make the chassis of Formula One cars and the hulls of racing yachts.
Its angular design gives it a minimal radar signature, known as a cross-section, and its 57mm cannon can also be retracted to reduce it still further.
In a nutshell, if the Visby was 100km from an enemy vessel it could see the enemy on its radar but not vice versa. It could get within 30km of the enemy before being spotted.
Carbon fiber is also a lot lighter than steel and the Visby, at 600 tons, is half the weight of a conventional corvette.

I gotta go to bed so bye.

Library's closing, so I've got to go too. I'll start posting some army info when I can.

The Squirrel Dominions are prepared to march to war against any foe, due to the fact the army is prepared to destroy the squirrel-eating heathens.

Divisions mobilised:

5 Acornthrower Divisions : 1500 Attack Squirrels, 15 Acornapults.

13 Acornsnatcher Divisions : 750 Attack Squirrels, 2 Acorn Magnets

3 Acornlover Divisions : 350 Squirrel Medics, 15 Acorn Tents

5 Rabid Squirrel Divisions : 500 Rabid Squirrels, 1 Rabies Antidote Disperser

More can be mobilised in need, but our brother squirrels need little of our help at the moment.

Dumpsterdam will allow the squirrels to enter and work, we will however need you to pay the export taxes.

In other news, the Dumpsterdanian Self Defence Force has called up all squirrels to the local armouries. They will be formed into the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th Forrest Mobile Squirrel Division or FMSD and will recieve acorn rifles and bark bodyarmour. Senior DSDF officers will be attached to these units so they will recieve propper training and the needed experience, training off squirrel officers is underway. We'd apreciate if everyone stayed away from the Empire with any sort of rodent invasion, thank you.

Ministry of Defence.

The Squirrel Dominions thanks Dumpsterdam, in its humane treatment of squirrels. Consider yourself automatically exempt from any rodent invasions. Also, we wish to train your squirrel guards in the way of Acornarate, and Squirate, the two most common squirrel martial arts.

Also, as another thanks for your kindness to squirrels, we wish to reduce our standard trade taxes by 95%, for you, and you only. (They're normally 99%, but for you, 5%)

Again, Squirrel Dominions thanks you profusely for your good treatment of squirrels.

The Squirrel Dominions thanks Dumpsterdam, in its humane treatment of squirrels. Consider yourself automatically exempt from any rodent invasions. Also, we wish to train your squirrel guards in the way of Acornarate, and Squirate, the two most common squirrel martial arts.

Also, as another thanks for your kindness to squirrels, we wish to reduce our standard trade taxes by 95%, for you, and you only. (They're normally 99%, but for you, 5%)

Again, Squirrel Dominions thanks you profusely for your good treatment of squirrels.

The Empire of Dumpsterdam allows equality for all genders, races and now, even species. Should any animal population be found with human-like intelligence they will given citizenship and be treated as such.

This means that they must work for a living(or at least serve the Empire in some kind of way) but are also able to receive social welfare and will be given the same rights as human. They are allowed to vote, run for high ranking political functions, serve in the armed forces and even marry a human if they so desire.

The same goes with jobs and educations the only exception made would be certain jobs such as factory worker or other heavy duty lifting or jobs where their psychical form would not be suitable.

PS: The first Paramedic team consisting of two squirrels and two paramedics has been formed and their teamwork has been a great success.

Dumpsterdanian Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

ici this squrril plauge will be ended said the high emppor lord ryu sephrioth go to defcon 1200 arm all nukes

ici this squrril plauge will be ended said the high emppor lord ryu sephrioth go to defcon 1200 arm all nukes

((You know, people are just going to ignore a post like this...))

I'm back an i just woke up so srry for leavin

The Interior Minister of Jackbootz will grant permission to any squirrel to harvest a sustainable amount of acorns from our forest. The only conditions being applied.
1. You must obtain a visa
2. if you over stay your visa you are liable to a fine or prison
3. You must sign a statement that hold the government and citizen of Jackbootz blameless if choose to visit durring squirrel hunting season which is from April until March each year.

The Interior Ministy
The Military Republic of Jackbootz

"Regrettably, since your hunting season is so long, we must decline your offer."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

ici this squrril plauge will be ended said the high emppor lord ryu sephrioth go to defcon 1200 arm all nukes

Fortunately, we squirrels are in possession of 1.G.N.O.R.3. technology!

*fires teh Üb3rac0rnpwnz0r 1.G.N.O.R.3. cannon at Sephrioth*

The Empire of Dumpsterdam allows equality for all genders, races and now, even species. Should any animal population be found with human-like intelligence they will given citizenship and be treated as such.

This means that they must work for a living(or at least serve the Empire in some kind of way) but are also able to receive social welfare and will be given the same rights as human. They are allowed to vote, run for high ranking political functions, serve in the armed forces and even marry a human if they so desire.

The same goes with jobs and educations the only exception made would be certain jobs such as factory worker or other heavy duty lifting or jobs where their psychical form would not be suitable.

PS: The first Paramedic team consisting of two squirrels and two paramedics has been formed and their teamwork has been a great success.

Dumpsterdanian Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

"We also appreciate Dumpsterdam's practices of squirrel equality. They stand in stark contrast to certain other nations which actively hunt squirrels, and as such, are subject to the Squirrel Resistance. We therefore will lift all tariffs on Dumpsterdamian goods as a gesture of goodwill, though we import mostly acorns.

We agree to pay your export taxes and will send our harvesters within the next (NS) month. And my we inquire as to the purpose of your mobilization?"

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

~The three of the trucks drove back to the transport, the other one was assigned to wait until a diplomat was selected to visit the Draconic Order's council chambers for further negotiations.~

Three squirrels scampered up to the waiting truck and asked if they could be of assistance. When the truck drivers responded, saying they were waiting for squirrel diplomats, the three squirrels said, "We have been sent to negotiate treaties with the Draconic Order."

Transmission to all Rodent Alliance Members

Teh Community of teh Demented Squirrels hereby grants right of passage rights to all Rodent Alliance Members, so that they may assist in our defense against the heathen, squirrel-oppressing infidels. We will be mobilizing all Squirrel Militia forces, currently consisting of 110,000 squirrels, mostly armed with acorn rifles and acorn gatling guns.

The preceding message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

The Anti-War Rioters stood still as the squirrels loaded the nuclear acorns and flying squirrel paratroopers onto the b-52 and took off flying to Teh Demented Squirrel to drop them.

Truly Dumpsterdam is a great and enlightened nation, to practice such an exceptional policy of equality for all. If ever you have need of assistance, please let us know. The Demonic Gophers would be honored to help, and I am sure that other members of the R.A. will feel as I do.
-Zeek, High Lord of the Tunnels, Supreme Leader of the Demonic Gopher Army.

Teh Demented Übersquirrel:
Message received. A tunnel is in progress, and my forces should arrive before the day is out. 2,000,000 D.G. soldiers are on their way even as I write this, and more can be sent at need. In addition, I am doing everything I can to mobilize the RAIM.
-Zeek


Some info on D.G. weaponry:
The most popular weapon is the dart gun, and we have produced both powerful knock-out drugs and swift-acting poisons to coat the dart points. Speed of fire: fast. Damage to flesh: varies, depending on the dart used; often, near-certain death. Damage to armor: insignificant.

Explosives and rocket launchers are also popular. A number of rockets are produced, ranging from steel-tipped missiles that closely resemble human bullets in effect to longe range fire bombs. Tunnels can allow the secret delivery of large quantities of explosives to enemy fortification; the D.G.s will use any type they can get their paws on. Nitroglycerin is especially popular, though they reluctantly concede that dynamite is easier to transport than its active ingredient alone.

VSTs (very small tanks) are the D.G. armored vehicle of choice; their size makes the armor even harder to destroy. The standard VST weapon is quite similar to a powerful human handgun.

A small fraction of the population is capable of shifting to human size at will; these soldiers use larger versions of the usual weaponry in battle.

-in a hailstorm of nutty injury, several tons of acorns rain down upon the Central tree-

the government of gelfland would like to formally appoligse for the recent incident, apparently, one of our air force commanders decided to take it on himself to reply to your message. we are investigating how anyone with ideas like that ended up in command of a squadron of B-52s.

Attention Demented Squirrels!! By order of the the Supreme Ruler For Life of the Great Nation of Vehrea Ludain I am authorized to propose the following.
In exchange for 63% of our nations acorn output you will allow our entire population of unwashed badgers to emigrate to your land. How do you respond?

Robert R. Robertson Office of foreign relations Vehrea Ludain

The Supreme Pyromaniac of Kinthesia, Master Iconus Dion, would like to sincerely apolagize for the recent incident and let you know that the squirrels do not have his support. We are currently mobilizing a swat team to stop them but we will need help.

*Meanwhile in the Kinthesian Deep Forest the Lord of The Kinthesian Squirrels talks with his aids...*
Lord: So did the paratroopers get in safely?
Aid 1: Yes, the acorns distracted Teh Demented Squirrels so much they got in unharmed.
Lord: Very good, let's procede immediately!
Aid 2: Yes, my lord.

The Squirrel's in our nation are giant and have the ability to use human weaponry

then how big are the squirrels? or are the weapons minaturised? or do several squirrels operate one gun? :sniper:

Attention Demented Squirrels!! By order of the the Supreme Ruler For Life of the Great Nation of Vehrea Ludain I am authorized to propose the following.
In exchange for 63% of our nations acorn output you will allow our entire population of unwashed badgers to emigrate to your land. How do you respond?

Robert R. Robertson Office of foreign relations Vehrea Ludain
Attn: Mr. Robertson.
If teh Demented Squirrels do not wish to accept your badger population, I will be happy to allow them to live in D.G. territory.
-Zeek.

On average our squirrels are about 3 feet long and 2 squirrels operate 1 gun.

*in Teh Demented Squirrels the paratroopers start the first fire fight by firing on an unbiased civillain this act is immediatly condemned by the Kinthesian government*

Three squirrels scampered up to the waiting truck and asked if they could be of assistance. When the truck drivers responded, saying they were waiting for squirrel diplomats, the three squirrels said, "We have been sent to negotiate treaties with the Draconic Order."

~The drivers help the squirrel diplomats get seated and then drive to the awaiting transport. A slight bump shakes the truck as it drives up the steel ramp into the cargo hold with the other trucks. A whir of the turbines signaled the lift of the transport as the outer door closed. It would take less than a day to reach the capitol of the Draconic Order.~

Attention Demented Squirrels!! By order of the the Supreme Ruler For Life of the Great Nation of Vehrea Ludain I am authorized to propose the following.
In exchange for 63% of our nations acorn output you will allow our entire population of unwashed badgers to emigrate to your land. How do you respond?

Robert R. Robertson Office of foreign relations Vehrea Ludain

"We require more information on the habits of said badgers, as well as why you want to deport them, before we can act on this proposal."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

On average our squirrels are about 3 feet long and 2 squirrels operate 1 gun.

*in Teh Demented Squirrels the paratroopers start the first fire fight by firing on an unbiased civillain this act is immediatly condemned by the Kinthesian government*

The paratroopers were quickly surrounded by a division of approximately 16,000 members of the Squirrel Militia, as they had landed near the Great Tree. While most (90%) of the Squirrel Militia members were armed with acorn rifles, a few (the other 10%) were armed with prototype rocket-propelled acorn grenade launchers. The division commander demanded the paratroopers' unconditional surrender.

---------------

In other news, approximately eighty squirrels were killed by the acorn bombing. However, the Great Tree withstood the attack, and hundreds of thousands of squirrels were able to save themselves by taking shelter in nearby trees. The ammunition, however, will prove most useful in upcoming wars.

This is Lemmingcus Meenicus:

I have been contacted by a member of the rodent alliance about possible hostilities that may occur to our signatory nations. As a result, I am hereby mobilizing our protective forces to the member nations. Within 24 hours, 5.8 billion troops from the Domain of Lemming Land will be in place on the borders of the signatory nations as peacekeepers, any attack against a member of lemming land will be considered an act of war, and will be deemed reasonable for acts of massive retaliation.

The nations of Lemming Meenicus, Enslaved Humans, and Humor troll have mobilized and stand united to provide security for the nations of of the Rodent Alliance. Our Elite forces will be activated and placed on alert to eradicate any nation foolish enough to declare war on Us.

Our safety is your safety.

Sincerely,
Lemmingcus Meenicus

"We would like to place the following order:

200,000 Nutzookas
3,000,000 Acorn-2 Ammo Conversion Kits

Total: $6,490,000 USD

Payment will be wired to your Swiss bank account(s) upon delivery of the order. You DO have a Swiss bank account, don't you?"

Ministry of Teh Squirrel Resistance
Teh Community of Teh Demented Squirrels


Herr Übersquirrel,

The units you have requested have finished production and are currently enroute.

You will find acount details enclosed with this message; the shuttle carrying the cargo in question will touch down at your capital tree once payment has been confirmed.

Signed:
Douglas McDonald, Sales Rep,
Uniphase Armouries Interversal,
Kanuckistan

VSTs (very small tanks) are the D.G. armored vehicle of choice; their size makes the armor even harder to destroy. The standard VST weapon is quite similar to a powerful human handgun.

A small fraction of the population is capable of shifting to human size at will; these soldiers use larger versions of the usual weaponry in battle.

OOC: Now this is disturbing on many, many levels.

This is Lemmingcus Meenicus:

I have been contacted by a member of the rodent alliance about possible hostilities that may occur to our signatory nations. As a result, I am hereby mobilizing our protective forces to the member nations. Within 24 hours, 5.8 billion troops from the Domain of Lemming Land will be in place on the borders of the signatory nations as peacekeepers, any attack against a member of lemming land will be considered an act of war, and will be deemed reasonable for acts of massive retaliation.

The nations of Lemming Meenicus, Enslaved Humans, and Humor troll have mobilized and stand united to provide security for the nations of of the Rodent Alliance. Our Elite forces will be activated and placed on alert to eradicate any nation foolish enough to declare war on Us.

Our safety is your safety.

Sincerely,
Lemmingcus Meenicus

OOC: Five point eight billion troops???

~The squirrel diplomat escort pushed open the large wooden doors with a practiced ease as they entered the council room. The area was a large semicircled dome with a circular paved stone floor. Seven podiums floated several feet off the ground around the floor, attached to the inner surface of the dome. At each podium stood a figure, male and female alike. All but three were old, the old ones wore the same blindfold, black silk. Those three that didn't wear a blindfold seemed to have brightly colored eyes, shimmering slightly when they tilted their heads to cast their eyes on the visitors. The escort spoke first.~

"I present these 'diplomats' before the Council of Seven."

~He bowed afterwards and was dismissed by a wave of a hand. An old woman on the council, blindfolded and standing on a podium to the left of the squirrels spoke. Her voice resonated through the chamber, beautifully commanding.~

"The Council will now hear the proposed diplomatic treaty between the Dominion of the Draconic Order and the Community of Teh Demented Squirrels."

OOC: Five point eight billion troops???

they're lemmings...

"We also appreciate Dumpsterdam's practices of squirrel equality. They stand in stark contrast to certain other nations which actively hunt squirrels, and as such, are subject to the Squirrel Resistance. We therefore will lift all tariffs on Dumpsterdamian goods as a gesture of goodwill, though we import mostly acorns.

We agree to pay your export taxes and will send our harvesters within the next (NS) month. And my we inquire as to the purpose of your mobilization?"

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

There is no actualy "mobilisation" to speak off, there is a big diference between our armed forces; the Dumpsterdanian Defence Force and our militia units; the Dumpsterdanian Self Defence Force. These squirrels have volunteraly choosen to join the militia and we even expect to form a full-time paratrooper division in the DDF.

Dumpsterdanian Ministry of Defence.

OOC: Now this is disturbing on many, many levels.
Keep yer filthy mind to yourself! Any non-literal interpretations you might be making are completly unintentional.
Of course, if you just mean the concept of being attacked by giant gophers...
Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!

Um, Yes, 5.8 billion troops with three billion in reserve.

And please do not be fooled by who I am, a bulk of our forces are the fanatical Enslaved Humans - Who at the mere wave of my paw, will unleash the technology we've developed over the years. As a Psychotic dictatorship, I and my people have been building Militarily since the foundation of the empire.

I invite you to see the nations that , if my people were to be attacked, you would have to defend against.

http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/target=display_nation/nation=lemmingcus_meenicus

Remember, OUR safety, is YOUR safety.

Lemmingcus Meenicus

We are concerned about Teh Demented Squirrels's capability for Acorns of Mass Destruction.

God bless

Herr Übersquirrel,

The units you have requested have finished production and are currently enroute.

You will find acount details enclosed with this message; the shuttle carrying the cargo in question will touch down at your capital tree once payment has been confirmed.

Signed:
Douglas McDonald, Sales Rep,
Uniphase Armouries Interversal,
Kanuckistan

As the shuttle is circling over our territory, we have wired payment to your Swiss bank account. Please allow your shuttle to touch down now.

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

We are concerned about Teh Demented Squirrels's capability for Acorns of Mass Destruction.

God bless

"Acorns of mass destruction? What acorns of mass destruction? We currently only maintain traditional acorn warfare capabilities."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

~The squirrel diplomat escort pushed open the large wooden doors with a practiced ease as they entered the council room. The area was a large semicircled dome with a circular paved stone floor. Seven podiums floated several feet off the ground around the floor, attached to the inner surface of the dome. At each podium stood a figure, male and female alike. All but three were old, the old ones wore the same blindfold, black silk. Those three that didn't wear a blindfold seemed to have brightly colored eyes, shimmering slightly when they tilted their heads to cast their eyes on the visitors. The escort spoke first.~

"I present these 'diplomats' before the Council of Seven."

~He bowed afterwards and was dismissed by a wave of a hand. An old woman on the council, blindfolded and standing on a podium to the left of the squirrels spoke. Her voice resonated through the chamber, beautifully commanding.~

"The Council will now hear the proposed diplomatic treaty between the Dominion of the Draconic Order and the Community of Teh Demented Squirrels."

The three squirrel diplomats bowed, then submitted a written proposal.

*ARTICLES OF FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN THE DOMINION OF DRACONIC ORDER AND TEH COMMUNITY OF TEH DEMENTED SQUIRRELS*

ARTICLE I. EMBASSY EXCHANGE.

Both countries agree that a state of alliance exist between them, and agree to an embassy exchange. Teh Demented Squirrels will allocate four acres for Draconic Order's embassy, and allow the following: Up to fifty armed guards, two unarmed helicopters, and four unarmed ground vehicles. Draconic Order shall extend a similar offer to Teh Demented Squirrels.

ARTICLE II. FREE TRADE AGREEMENT.

Both Draconic Order and Teh Demented Squirrels agree not to impose a tariff or any other tax of more than 10% on goods or services imported from the other party to this agreement. People and goods may move freely through the respective countries. Teh Demented Squirrels agrees that Draconic Order's citizens may stay in Teh Demented Squirrels with only a passport (no visa) for up to thirty days; beyond that, Teh Demented Squirrels reserves the right to require a visa. Draconic Order shall grant citizens of Teh Demented Squirrels similar rights.

ARTICLE III. EXTRADITION.

If a suspected criminal from Draconic Order flees to Teh Demented Squirrels, Teh Demented Squirrels shall extradite said criminal as soon as s/he is found. Draconic Order will likewise extradite suspected criminals attempting to flee Teh Demented Squirrels' jurisdiction.

ARTICLE IV. MILITARY COOPERATION THROUGH THE RODENT ALLIANCE.

As mutual members of the Rodent Alliance, the Draconic Order and Teh Demented Squirrels agree to a mutual defense pact. If one party to this treaty is attacked, the other party shall treat the attack as an attack on them. Teh Demented Squirrels agrees that the Draconic Order may maintain a military base within Teh Demented Squirrels of not more than twenty-five square miles and not accomodating more than twenty-five thousand military personnel. Aforementioned military base shall be considered the sovereign territory of Draconic Order. Draconic Order agrees that Teh Demented Squirrels may maintain a military base, under identical terms, in Draconic Order. Draconic Order may opt to accept the rest of the treaty but not Article IV without having to renegotiate the rest of the treaty; however, once an exchange of military bases has taken place, this sentence shall be null and void.

ARTICLE V. IMPLEMENTATION.

This treaty shall become binding on both parties as soon as both parties ratify it. This treaty, in its present form, has already been ratified by Teh Demented Übersquirrel and Parliament. Should the Draconic Order wish to propose amendments, those amendments shall be submitted to Teh Demented Übersquirrel and Parliament for ratification of said amendments.

"Acorns of mass destruction? What acorns of mass destruction? We currently only maintain traditional acorn warfare capabilities."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel


(DECLASSIFIED EXCERPT)
HSI REPORT 6202-6543-4321-196H: CAPACITY OF TEH DEMENTED SQUIRRELS (SUBREF) ACORNS OF MASS DESTRUCTION (AMD)

"...AT THIS TIME, AGENTS ARE WELL AWARE OF NO LESS THEN SIX EMPLACEMENTS, WHICH ARE ALL FULLY OPERATIONAL OR WILL BE SO WITHIN LESS THEN SIX MONTHS TIME..."


....mmmmhmmmmm, yes, we believe you....

Yep. Completely. Yep. No doubts at all.

~The members of the council conferred among themselves, nodding or shaking their heads to unspoken words. Several minutes of silence and activity later, the "center" member spoke. He was one of the younger ones, his eyes shimmered as he spoke, his voice was as if a sweet breeze caressed the faces of the delegation.~

"We accept the terms, to be enacted immediately."

(DECLASSIFIED EXCERPT)
HSI REPORT 6202-6543-4321-196H: CAPACITY OF TEH DEMENTED SQUIRRELS (SUBREF) ACORNS OF MASS DESTRUCTION (AMD)[/I]

"...AT THIS TIME, AGENTS ARE WELL AWARE OF NO LESS THEN SIX EMPLACEMENTS, WHICH ARE ALL FULLY OPERATIONAL OR WILL BE SO WITHIN LESS THEN SIX MONTHS TIME..."


....mmmmhmmmmm, yes, we believe you....

Yep. Completely. Yep. No doubts at all.

OOC: *highlights and reads spoiler*

Isn't it godmodding to ascribe capabilities to a nation that said nation does not have?

OOC: *highlights and reads spoiler*

Isn't it godmodding to ascribe capabilities to a nation that said nation does not have?

OOC: Hardly. That's a field report excerpt. It could be based on false intel, it could be real. All it is is what Vastiva believes to be the case.

As the shuttle is circling over our territory, we have wired payment to your Swiss bank account. Please allow your shuttle to touch down now.

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel


As payment was confirmed, orders were sent, and the sleek yet angular form of the AEIMA-drive endo-atmospheric shuttle angled towards a feild not far from Herr Übersquirrel's capital tree - prehaps the very one in which the Draconic Order transport had landed?

As the craft neared, her pilot shifted power from forward thrust to her vertical arrays, allowing air resistance to slow her craft, befor finally killing forward motion with a pulse from the bow RCS.

Gradually, then, a tangent of mind watching the ship's ground-looking sensors, UCDV-ST-353 began to descend - a storm of ionised wind kicking up dust and reducing any nearby squirrel to a ball of static-charged fluff during the last dozen or so meters, befor finally setting down upon a trio of landing struts.

The hurricane of ion-laced wind faded, then, dying as her drives lost power and air-fed fusion reactors cycled down - systems settling into a warm standby.

A minute passed, then, befor her rear hatched cracked, descending, revealing the ebony, slimline-armour clad form of a shaply fox-woman, visored helm clasped in one hand.

"I've got a deliver here for Herr Übersquirrel from UAI," the vixen anounced, the squirel-scale crates stacked behind her visible past the mobile, crimson flare of her white-tipped vulpine tail.

Teh Demented Squirrels send greetings to the world community.

Before the international community snickers too much, we would like to remind nations, especially temperate ones, that large squirrel populations can rapidly destabilize a country by throwing acorns at its citizens.

Our universal goal is to unite squirrels everywhere, leading to a vast Squirrel Empire.

If your nation pays us a tribute of acorns, we will be more inclined to leave your nation alone after our unification plans come to fruitition.

...

The preceding message has been approved by...teh Demented Übersquirrel!

---------------------------------------

This is clearly madness! There is so many flaws in this arguement, it makes my fur stand on end. For one, who uses their primary source of food as a weapon? If we threw fruit at our enemies, our food source would deminish faster than you can say "Monga-seeka!" Then we'd starve to death and die.

For two, why would we openly supply with you arms? If your weapons are acorns and your asking for a tribute of acorns then you're asking that we send you weapons. It would be like stating that "If you don't pay tribute of 5,000 firearms, we'll use guns to kill you!" It is an arguement of the insane!

For three, Lemuriania's is tropical. Acorns grown in temperate enviroments. So, acorns aren't native to Lemuriania.

President Zhen'Erehcez Nesbecej
Translated by Zhen'Hteem Edrew, personal advisor to the President.

Though I cannot speak for teh Demented Übersquirrel, I am sure that an alternate tribute can be arranged.
-Zeek, High Lord of the Tunnels, Supreme Leader of the Demonic Gopher Army

---------------------------------------

This is clearly madness! There is so many flaws in this arguement, it makes my fur stand on end. For one, who uses their primary source of food as a weapon? If we threw fruit at our enemies, our food source would deminish faster than you can say "Monga-seeka!" Then we'd starve to death and die.

For two, why would we openly supply with you arms? If your weapons are acorns and your asking for a tribute of acorns then you're asking that we send you weapons. It would be like stating that "If you don't pay tribute of 5,000 firearms, we'll use guns to kill you!" It is an arguement of the insane!

For three, Lemuriania's is tropical. Acorns grown in temperate enviroments. So, acorns aren't native to Lemuriania.

President Zhen'Erehcez Nesbecej
Translated by Zhen'Hteem Edrew, personal advisor to the President.

(OOC: I got the idea because the acorns at my university throw acorns on passersby. That's where my argument comes from. :D )

IC: "Meh...would it be possible for us to arrange a shipment of fruit then? Some of us have exotic tastes..."

--Teh Demented Übersquirrel

OOC 2: I will not have internet access during spring break. I will not be able to reply to this thread until the 20th.

It seems that everything is working out fine here, so I will withdraw my forces back to Lemming land.

Thank you all for keeping My troops safe, and be sure to visit Lemming Land - the Cuisine is delightful!

//issues orders for a 48 hour evac

Due to the total lack of squirrls in Phalanix since all were ether killed in the civil war when the nukes flew or were hunted by deathclaws and since acorns are non-existant in Phalanix all we have to say is Screw you

GNN report:
earlier today, our staion received an anonomous report implicating the Biotree corperation in the recent upswing in squirrel aggression:
everything is proceeding according to plan,
http://tinypic.com/28qp9g
our agents have infiltrated several major cities and are making preprations, I expect next quarter's earnings to be above forcasts

(excerpted from VNN Channel 722 evening broadcast)

...smoke alarms.

At two weeks into Operation: Squirrel, no communication has been heard from the division of acorn-armed squirrels which passed through Kjik-Kjak to challenge the antarctican polar bears.

In related news, large numbers of squirrel pelts have flooded the local market...

*replicates 400 tons of acorns* can we go now?

Interested in what happened to the squirrels? Read this! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8571290&postcount=25)

Interested in what happened to the squirrels? Read this! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8571290&postcount=25)

OoC: Mwuahahaha

OOC: Teh Demented Squirrels is my puppet (well, one of them anyway), and when I returned from spring break, I didn't have the time to do this RP and the others I was involved in...so I gave up this one. :(

Teh Demented Squirrels hadn't even sent its polar bear expedition to Vastiva yet; the expedition was awaiting research of new weapons. So your "What happened to the squirrels" post, while understandable in the absence of my roleplaying, could be considered a godmod.

This was intended to be a complete joke rp anyway, one that would get locked by the mods for spam :D

Now, I would resume this rp, but unfortunately, I have multiple papers to write...st00pid real life. :(

OOC: Teh Demented Squirrels is my puppet (well, one of them anyway), and when I returned from spring break, I didn't have the time to do this RP and the others I was involved in...so I gave up this one. :(

Teh Demented Squirrels hadn't even sent its polar bear expedition to Vastiva yet; the expedition was awaiting research of new weapons. So your "What happened to the squirrels" post, while understandable in the absence of my roleplaying, could be considered a godmod.

This was intended to be a complete joke rp anyway, one that would get locked by the mods for spam :D

Now, I would resume this rp, but unfortunately, I have multiple papers to write...st00pid real life. :(

OOC: pbbbbbbbtttthhhhhhh! Adapt - it works better. As you admit yourself it was a joke thread, there's no reason to scream "godmod". Squirrels v Polar Bears = Lunch. Move on.

I loath when people have to create extra accounts/puppets to make themselves feel good...

I loath when people have to create extra accounts/puppets to make themselves feel good...

I loathe people that loathe people that have to create extra accounts/puppets to make themselves feel good.

If you haven't guessed it, your oppinion isn't wanted.

I loath when people have to create extra accounts/puppets to make themselves feel good...

Imagine the confusion when a nation transitioning to FT suddenly becomes a nation of acorn-throwing squirrels. :rolleyes: Creating a puppet was necessary for this RP, and I kept my main nation out of it, at least until now, when I was too lazy to log EWT out and log in my puppet.

I loathe people that loathe people that have to create extra accounts/puppets to make themselves feel good.

If you haven't guessed it, your oppinion isn't wanted.

Touché