NationStates Jolt Archive

All High Lord Zorro looked at himself in the mirror, while wearing his costume that was probably older than most of the population. "My what a handsome speciment we have here!" he exclaimed while checking himself out in the broken mirror. Although he was 50 pounds overweight and covered in pizza toppings, Zorro still thought he was good looking. After Zorro had been looking at himself in the mirror for 17 days straight, his aide, Charlie, grew worried. On the seventeenth day, he had enough and marched straight into Zorro's room.

"Sir! I think you've been looking at yourself for long enough!" he almost shouted.

"Ah, Patsy! So good to see you!"

"Charlie, sir. My name is Charlie."

"Yes yes, Patsy. Tell me, don't you think I look devilishly sexy?"

"Uh, I guess...but that's not the point! Sir we--"

"Call me Sexy one , Patsy."

"Uh, ok, Sexy one... The people are growing restless of you just sitting around and looking at yourself!"

"GASP! But I am sooooo sexy! Why don't they enjoy this with me?"

"Because, sexy one, they are starving, have no money, and spend their lives shoveling shit."

"Hmmmm... I have an idea!"

"Does it involve looking in the mirror!"

"No! I mean...uh...yes...."

"May I make a suggestion, sir?"

"Sexy one" Zorro Interrupted.

"Ok, Sexy one, I have an idea."

"Go on, patsy!"

"Well, the people love a military campaign. They elected you All High Lord because you were a good warrior."

"Yes, they did, didn't they Patsy?"

"Uh, yes, sexy one..."

"Hurry, Patsy! To the Bat Cave!"

_______________________________________
Offical Statement by All High Lord Zorro

How are you gentlemen. All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. You have no chance to survive. Make your time.

The Wraith cull and kill all of their ignorant, IGNORE-ant people.

You are my hero.

on account of your utter and complete awesomeness, I hereby award you with this picture of Slash:

http://usera.imagecave.com/mobrule132001/Slash2.jpg

OOC: You are the sexiest super villian ever!

OOC: Rofl's like waffles. Mmmm... Waffles. Great intro post mate! XD

The Force is strange with this one.

~ Random Kriovalian mystic

Ok, that was awesome. Especially for a first post. although the title needs work as The Wraith Hive demonstrated to us

Well, if you're gonna n00k teh world, you may as well do it in good form, right? :D

00C: Lol, I think that says it all.

In the "Bat Cave"

In the Taco Bell next to the Old Monastary, Charlie and Zorro were sitting under the tables with Tin-Foil hats on. "Sir--"

"Sexy one"

Charlie sighed. "Sexy One, why do we call this Taco Bell the Bat Cave again?"

"Because, Patsy, I saw Batman in here!"

"Sir, it was a fat bald guy in a costume."

"LIES!"

"Sigh. Anyhoo, back to the point. Sir, now that we have told everyone that their bases belong to us, how will we do follow out our threat!"

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzz....."

It appeared as if Zorro was asleep on a burrito.

"Si-- Sexy one?" said Charlie as he poked Zorro gently in the head.

Startled, Zorro jumped up(through the table, I might add), and proclaimed
"Wha! I didn't do nothin! She was over 17! I SWEAR!"

"Uhhhh....."

"Oh~! Hello there Patsy! What are you doing under that table? That looks quite strange."

"Bu..wha...huh?" said Charlie as he fumbled with his words

"This is no time to dilly-dally, Patsy! We have an army to lead! Hurry, to the military base!

Oh, and take off that hat, will you? You look like some crazy alien person!"
__________________________

At "El Mono" Military Base, somewhere in the Zorroan Desert

Zorro inspected his army with much care. In his mind, it was the greatest military force ever seen. To him, his men were burly war machines, ready to rip the bones off of anyone. To him, they were the most fiercly armed soldiers ever.

To everyone else, however, they were just 8 mexican hobos armed with pitchforks. Sensing that this may not be good for their military campaign, Charlie walked up to Zorro and gave him some advice.

"Uh, sexy one? I don't think an Army of 8 Mexican Hobo's can conquer the world..."

"Patsy, you must be dillusional! There are hundreds of thousands of fierce shock troopers here!"

"Sir, there aren't. This isn't even a real military base. It's a tavern for Hobos."

"Nonsense! Hurry, we must depart to the war room!"

Charlie sighed. Again.

This thread officially rules.

This thread officially rules.

Why thank you :)

*bows*

Why thank you :)

*bows*

http://img155.exs.cx/img155/172/image1063jf.jpg
The eye of TIN approves thee

OoC: Eventhough totaly crazy, I must admit that did make me laugh. :)

IC:

"Uhm sir, the nation of..." The DMC operator raised an eyebrow. "Zorros Ninja Horse..." He coughed. "Is mobilising its army, or so it says in this SMS we've intercepted between their leader and the owner of a Taco Bell stand."

Nuke em.

"But sir..."

I SAID NUKE EM DAMNIT!

The operator stared at the Imperial Councillor.

"No."

Solar jumped. You dare defy meee?!

"Yes I do, now sit down and shut up you lard ass before I shovel a bucketload of snow up your trap."

Solar sat down, eventhough nearly eight foot tall and in autoreactive armour he whimperd. Geeh....your mean...

OCC:
This thread made me laugh also.
IC:
A man in the Veskaland Communications center was surfing the ‘net, using the governments ultra-fast internet connection to view porn. Suddenly a little window appeared in the middle of the screen, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!” said an overly cheery male voice resounding from the computer’s speakers. The man clicked the “Read Email” button and waited for the window to load, he had been speed penalized as he had downloaded approximately 40GB of pornographic videos.
The window loaded, it was from an agent in the mobile phones department of Dumpsterdam.

To: Commsdivision VHC
From: The Agent indie the mobile phone department of Dumpsterdam.
Subject: An SMS

An SMS was recently received by the Imperial Councillor referring to a mobilizing army of Tacos or something in ZNH.

OOC: Classic stuff... keep it up.

*pokes TIN's eye*

OOC: Classic stuff... keep it up.

*pokes TIN's eye*

Ouch.

In "T3h W4rr00m"

Charlie twidled his thumbs as Zorro explained the plan to his officers(who were a bunch of plastic cups). "Alright men, here's the plan. We are to send P Division south and capture the parking lot. Then, C Division," Zorro looked at a blue cup, " will move forwards to capture the door. Then the rest of the divisions will move forward and capture the rest of the building. Understood?"

The cups stayed silent.

"The silent types, eh? I like that in an officer! Alright men, commence Operation: Soap-busters!" Zorro then stripped all his clothes off an put a paper bag over his member. It was not a pretty sight, to tell the truth. Zorro then jumped on to his lawnmower and zoomed out the door at 4 miles and hour.

Running up behind him, Charlie had to ask a simple question. "Sexy one, why are we attacking the Dry Cleaners when we are supposed to take over the world?"

"Because, Patsy, my horse has been there for seven years! We must rescue him!"

"Sexy one, you don't Have a horse."

"Nonesense! Have you even looked at our nations name? Zorros Ninja Horse! Duh!"

"Sir, that's just some titled ripped off from a flash game!"

"Your point?"

"... Forget it. Let's just get this over with." And with that, Charlie put on his tin-foil hat and a butter knife. Behind them were 7 of the 8 Mexican hobos(the eigth had chocked when he tried to eat the plastic cups), in all their smelly glory.

It was going to be a looooooooooooong afternoon.

OOC: Sorry this one sucks compared to the others. I am at school, and had limited time.

bump

OOC: ... *laughs* :D

(OOC: Fool! It is I who is the sexy one, nobody shall move in on my title! Watch yourself little man... oh and welcome to NationStates! Wheeeee!)

(OOC: Fool! It is I who is the sexy one, nobody shall move in on my title! Watch yourself little man... oh and welcome to NationStates! Wheeeee!)

OoC: I'd have to say, that this guy is alot funnier then you TIOR. Your slacking lately, you can't get comfortable at the top because someone will take your place. Better shape up or get booted....

OoC: I'd have to say, that this guy is alot funnier then you TIOR. Your slacking lately, you can't get comfortable at the top because someone will take your place. Better shape up or get booted....

(OOC: I know, school's been draining me. But my next RP should be funny, I hope.)

As Zorro looked upon the "Happy-go-lucky" Dry Cleaners, a glimmer of wit was in his eyes. With his loyal legion of 7 Mexican Hobos and Patsy, he would be unstopable! When he went to look at his sexy body again, he let out a screech and ran towards Patsy(also known as Charlie).

"Patsy Patsy, come here quick!" he cried as he ran with nothing but a paper bag covering his member.

"Yes, Sexy one?"

"There's a snake under my bag!"

Fearing what this "Snake" was, Charlie asked for a description.

"Well, it's long, skin colored, and there are two spherical objects under it..."

Eyes wide open, Charlie whispered what it was in Zorro's ear.

Zorro, upon hearing this, broke into laughter.

"That's a good one, Patsy! Although you, with your smaller brain, tried very hard, I have figured out what it is by myself! It's an extra arm!"

"uh....yes...I guess...."

"Nevermind, Patsy! To BATTLE!"

((OOC: I thought this dude was TIOR. Blast!))

((OOC: I thought this dude was TIOR. Blast!))

OOC: Not quite.

Lord Harald sat at his desk, groggy and half asleep. It had been a long night of diplomacy; he had to convince a "foreign leader," i.e. his local hooker, to accept minimal payment. But that was behind him. It was a new day.

His National Security Advisor, a young woman, Colonel Lin Zhou, opened the door. "Sir," she said with her charachteristic Chinese accent, "I have the security briefings for today."

Lord Harald, still half asleep, replied, "What are they?"

"Well, sir, our intelligence organization, the Bonstocknian Special Services, has infultrated a meeting in Zorros Ninja Horse, where the leader, "The Sexy One," is gathering an army of Mexican hobos to..." she continued on, blabbing all the details about ZNH's war plans, its capabilities, and its army, detailing the strength and weapons of each of the Mexican hobos and going on and on about the Sexy One's mental health reports. Lord Harald, still half asleep, let his mind drift. He focused on young Colonel Lin, her tight-fitting blouse well accenting her figure. Damn, she's the sexy one, he thought, those boobs are big... oh, yeah! Shake 'em baby! I hired the right sexy Asian chick!

Colonel Lin continued, "Anyway, the BSS suggests that we assemble a strike force to incarcerate the leader, as they belive that ZNH could easily become a rogue state and a threat to our security and our oil supplies. What is your plan of action?"

Lord Harald replied, "You busy tonight, baby?"

Colonel Lin responded, "Sir, I'm asking what you want to do about Zorros Ninja Horse."

"Nuke 'em, dammit, and meet me tonight at my house," was the reply from Lord Harald.

"Sir, have you had your coffee yet?"

"No."

"One moment." Colonel Lin walked over to a coffee machine, and poured some espresso into a mug for Lord Harald. She handed it to him, and Harald drank it down.

Fully restored to his mental sanity, Lord Harald said, "My apologies, Colonel Lin. I was not awake fully. Please disregard previous statements. Now, what was that about the Zorro Horse guys?"

Shaking her head, she relpied, "just another new nation making its mark on the world."

"Oh. Ok. Put a nice tag on their thread."

"Yes, sir." She saluted, and left the room, and carried this message to be put loud and clear on the thread that contained this message:

ooc: TAG!!!

Zorro was giddy with glee. "Wheeeeee! We've been tagged!"

"What sir?"

"Nothing, Patsy."

"Ok....

________________________________________________

The Legions of Zorros Ninja Horse charged at the Dry Cleaners. Armed to the teeth and drunk to the max, the Mexican Hobo's yelled like wild men. However, once the Parking Lot had been captured, their enemy sprung a surprise attack. An Italian Plumber with a large mustache jumped out from the Dry Cleaners and said "Itsa me! A-Mario!" and use his plunger to take off one of the Hobo's heads.

Shocked, Zorro called for his elite forces. "Imperial Sarkies, Attack!"

Nothing happened.

"Sarkies!" Cried Zorro once again.

"Oh, yeah!" exclaimed Charlie as he ran back to the hideout and came back with a bag full of plastic cups, which he handed to Zorro.

"Take that, mustache boy!" he laughed as he threw plastic cups and the plumber. In a fit of pure rage, Mario accidentally got his plunger stuck on his face. "Mama mia, it's getting mighty hard to....bre..ath...in..he---", and then he collapsed, dead.

Turning to Patsy, Zorro said, "Great work, Patsy, but I have to tell you something."

"Yes, sexy one?" asked Charlie.

"Why in gods name are we attacking a Dry Cleaners!?! And why is my wang covered by a paper bag!?!?!?!"

"Bu...sir...you...huh...what?" stuttered Charlie.

"Come, Charlie! World Domination awaits!" said Zorro as he jumped on his gold chariot which appeared out of thin air. Just before he zoomed off to return to the secret base, he told Charlie one thing. "Oh, and your ugly and your mother dresses you funny. See you back at base!"

With a sigh, Charlie waved good bye. It was going to be a long walk home...

Seeing how this thread is baisically done (It was short on purpose, y'know), I am going to reveal the secret mastermind behind this plot...

ME!

Now, It isn't the best piece of work I've done, but it's good enough.

Why did i make this?

Well, I had a random Puppet lying around, so I figured "What the hey!". Now, I know I never actually took all your bases, it was still fun.

The Emperor gasped heavily like he always does.
"They what?"
"They attacked a dry cleanes on Earth that we run."
"Huuuuuuh...Then remove their hhhhheads! Destroy them all! I want my dry cleaners back!"
"Yes, my emperor."
------------------
NeoBlack Sun has launched a team of soldiers to reclaim the dry cleaners.

(OOC: I know, school's been draining me. But my next RP should be funny, I hope.)

Don't worry, I'm not after your title...

Yeah, right...

:)

Lanna Espara, head of the Bergistian treasury gathered her mail upon her desk. As she slowly sorted the thick envelopes and packages containing important governmenty-type matters, a small, grimmy letter fell to the floor, reaking of trash and several other much less pleasant smells. She knew instantly who sent it and grimaced.

Picking it up, she read the return address, which wasn't so much an address as a name. Which wasn't so much a name as a few chicken scratch symbols that her cousin called "his mark". Perhaps the life of a hobo was not the most glorious, she mused, but he could still take a bit of book learning upon himself.

As she slowly opened the dirty, slightly post envelope, a single picture fell out, sending Espara's visage from mildly perturbed to utterly horrified. It was a polaroid. A polaroid of a man. An unappealing man wearing nothing but a paper bag. She winced. Still...this was better than the pictures from the Mexican Hobo Olympics...