NationStates Jolt Archive

A Distress call goes out the World Community...

"This is El Presidente Esteban Wilhelmsen of the Peoples Republic of Drunken FratBoy Island! *ffzzzzt!* We require immediate assistance from any and all *ffzzzzt!* freindly nations! The Evil Rezlasians are destroying our peaceful island! Women and children *ffzzzzt!* have been mercilessly slaughtered in cruise missle and carpet bomming attacks! Our infrastructure is meeting annihilation! Won't somebody *ffzzzzt!* please save our little Island from this terrible attrocity?!" *Ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!*

And the transmission ends with a wall of white noise...

Jenrak will send over an aid package of thousands upon thousands of tanks and infantry, and our specially designed defense weapons to fortify Drunken Fratboy Island immediately.

-----

Saerus had returned from his long journey archiving the remains of Ascherach outside of the world. "What do you want?" Arborgard appeared behind him, in a wisp of smoke when Saerus heard the shreiking broadcast.
"I'm going to help these people. They deserve our help." He answered.
Arborgard looked at Saerus for a long period, until he said confidently, "No."
"But my lord! If we..." Saerus began, as Arborgard answered, "No." more strongly.
"Yes, my lord." Saerus answered.

But as Arborgard walked off to other matters, Saerus whispered into his command port; "This is Commander Saerus Shaaz-Taaria of Enkur's men. Get ready for deployment in the Drunken Fratboy Island immediately."

(OOC: Yeah, the guy who runs the country cares nothing for life.)

PResident-for-Life Berston laughs at your pitiful nation's inability to defend itself. We will send you no aid. We awill allow you to be destroyed and then sweep up the pieces for our own benefit. We bid you good day.

President Jeffries approached the podium wearing his charcoal grey suit and power tie. He obviously showed the signs of stress and wear from not sleeping the previous night.

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the world community, my fellow Rezlasnians and corporate partners… LIES, LIES and more LIES. The Republic of Drunken Fratboy Island attacked our sovereign fleet in international waters, we have a right to self defense. Furthermore it is a matter of both diplomatic and public international record that the DFI have and plan to test a nuclear device. What is not know is that radio intercepts reveal they claim to use that weapon against the benevolent and peaceful people of the ROR.”

President Jeffries paused for a sip of water then continued

“We appreciate the offers of help but ask those concerned parties to respect the autonomy of all nations. The Rezlasnian military will bring this situation to a quick conclusion, and use absolutely no more force than is needed to achieve our honorable goals of the removal of weapons of mass destruction from this belligerent state. Furthermore I can assure you that every precaution has been put in place to ensure the safety of non-combatants. I would urge that aid agencies wait until the cessation of military action before entering the country. Battlefields are very dangerous places and the situation is very fluid at the moment. Hail to Rezlas!”

“Mr. President, Joan Liar Rezlasnian National News, it true that there are reports of cannibalism and widespread use of panther urine in their beer making in the DFI?”

The President responded; “Yes we have credible evidence that the evil leaders of the DFI eat babies and use substandard materials in their beer brewing process. Dub Brewing using nothing but the finest ingredients in their beer and is available in all supermarkets, including those run by Lobolg Corporation. Next question, you in back in the thong…”

“Lucy Jucy, Rezlasnian Corporate News and Porn Industries. Is it true that the benevolent peoples of the Rezlas are already raising money for relief after the military objectives are achieved.”

“Lucy, yes it is… you in back… who are you?” President Jeffries Responded.

“Mike Cantthinkaname, Independent International News Corporation, Mr. President what can you say about the rumors of your government killing and torturing students who disagree with the change over from democracy?”

“Thank you all for coming, I’ll keep you updated during these trying times.” President Jeffries closed bef

Saerus lifted his head, as the marching was heard in the distance. On the radio, a frantic chatter filled the air with a buzz, and the soldiers that sat beside him, turned the ships around.
"What are you doing?" Saerus scoffed.
"Sir, we have orders to retreat." The captain answered.
"B-B-But why?" Saerus asked intently.
"Red Patriarch Nahk is commanding us to retreat. The whole fleet." The captain answered again, his eyes shifting around.
"THE ENTIRE FLEET?!?" Saerus asked, as he looked out the window at the line of ships that had gone for reinforcements.
"Sir, it seems that Lord Nahk and his partner Red Matriarch Ashili have returned from their visit to Thyne. He is taking control of the military once again." The captain explained.
"Fine." Saerus caved, as he slumped down into a chair.
The ships muzzled around, as they turned off the objectives, and the land that came in sight began to fade out even faster than before. The dusty clouds waved over, and the soft pitter patter of the rain on the hulls made a dull droning sensation. Nahk was going to have his ass on a plate soon enough for disobeying orders.