NationStates Jolt Archive

Port Royal, Roycelandia

Roycelandia's well-known Anti-Stupidity Laws received another boost today with the introduction of Creative Sentencing to the Penalties and Sentences Act 1889.

The ink had hardly dried on the Imperial Assent before a Judge in Kingstowne had put the law into effect, sentencing a 26 year old man to wear an buttock-shaped hat for a 30 day period. The defendant had been found guilty of Interrupting A Motion Picture By Making Unnecessary Comments To Others In The Theatre, and was, in His Honour's opinion "Guilty of Asshattery of the highest order", and felt that "The only acceptable punishment is to force you to wear an ass as a hat".

Whilst some Community groups have felt outraged that "being an Asshat" is now a crime, His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I pointed out the Stupidity Elimination Act 2003 covers "all sorts of Stupid, Ignorant, and Annoying acts, and being an Asshat clearly qualifies under the SEA. Incidentally, anyone who objects to this is clearly Stupid themselves, so I'd advise them to do a little less complaining and a little more shutting the hell up."

What do you get when you cross an Owl with a Bungy Cord? Page 4
Stupidity Gestapo arrest notorious "Shopping Centre Dawdler", Page 8
"Bling-Bling" declared acceptable for public usage, Page 11

OOC: Go Royce... Go Royce.

OOC: lawl

IC:

Okay, I'm confused, and not in a good way either. Nevertheless, this amuses me, carry on.

Arkady Gregorovich, President Speaker of Xenonier.

Creative Sentencing has proved VERY popular lately, with some of the following sentences being handed out:

A 22yo woman was sentenced to "A Vicious Wedgie" for having her G-string sticking out of her jeans like a skank, without intent to actually have sex.

A 43yo woman was sentenced to spend 24 hours locked in a smoky pub, after interfering with another person's right to smoke in a pub by complaining that "Cigarettes are evil".

A 31 year old man has been sentenced to work in a fast-food restaurant for a week after berating the extremely overworked staff for not producing his UberBurger Meal immediately.

A large retail chain has been ordered to give all it's staff a $5,000pa Pay Rise and a brand new luxury car after making several million dollars profit but insisting they'd had a "Bad year" and as such weren't paying bonuses to anyone except the CEO and Board of Directors.

An 18yo man was refused compensation after he was viciously bashed by police as a result of a "Drunken altercation with another individual over a drug deal". The Judge said in his summing-up "You're scum and you deserved it."

Civil Rights groups are outraged, but having been threatened with prosecution under the SEA, they're keeping quiet for now...

OCC: A country that actually punishes people for being stupid...your my hero.

Creative Sentencing has proved VERY popular lately, with some of the following sentences being handed out:

A 22yo woman was sentenced to "A Vicious Wedgie" for having her G-string sticking out of her jeans like a skank, without intent to actually have sex.

A 43yo woman was sentenced to spend 24 hours locked in a smoky pub, after interfering with another person's right to smoke in a pub by complaining that "Cigarettes are evil".

A 31 year old man has been sentenced to work in a fast-food restaurant for a week after berating the extremely overworked staff for not producing his UberBurger Meal immediately.

A large retail chain has been ordered to give all it's staff a $5,000pa Pay Rise and a brand new luxury car after making several million dollars profit but insisting they'd had a "Bad year" and as such weren't paying bonuses to anyone except the CEO and Board of Directors.

An 18yo man was refused compensation after he was viciously bashed by police as a result of a "Drunken altercation with another individual over a drug deal". The Judge said in his summing-up "You're scum and you deserved it."

Civil Rights groups are outraged, but having been threatened with prosecution under the SEA, they're keeping quiet for now...

i'm no role-player, but LOL :p

if only you guys were in charge in real life.

While initially amused by the first case of the assent's application, many Beddgelens have since indicated that, jesus, some of these Roiks are as reactionary as ever, and that probably they just need a good hug.

Criticisms of recent example cases have ranged from, "Dude, she can wear whatever the **** she likes, eh?" through, "I don't see why she can't complain about it: it's not as if bitching causes lung cancer", to "he can't be legally said to be scum worthy of beating just because he can't hold his drink".

The ruling against social parasites in charge of the criticised retail chain, however, has served to barely maintain the recent over-all warming of Igovian public opinion towards the once violently opposed Roycelandian Empire, which is now considered at least to be idling down the right path.

Media pundits on the talkshow circuit have responded to Beth Gellerten responses in order, on this morning's Monday Morning Bitchfest show (RBC 1 , 12:30pm).

Dr. Joan Creek, dealing with criticism about freedom of dress: "The law is very clear on fashion- if you dress like a whore, you must put out. Just as it's illegal to dress as a police officer unless you're in the police force, it's illegal to dress like a skank when you've got no intention of putting out. It sounds harsh, but it makes things a lot eaiser. Also remember that sexual promiscuity is a good thing in Roycelandia- prostitutes, porn stars, and strippers pay only 11% tax, whilst Lesbians and Bisexual women who aren't angry and man-hating get a 5% tax reduction."

When asked if the same laws applied to men, Dr. Creek replied "Probably... it's never been something I've been too interested in examining closely."

Professor Chris Kroker, on tobacco nazis: "The Tobacco Products Act 1703 clearly states that "Any Persone so objecting to the partaking of sayde Tobacco Products within a Public House or Premises used for Games of Chance, or a private dwelling, or a place primarily used for the partakinge of Tea or Coffee, shall be deemed a Nuisance, and be punished accordinglye." More modern interpretations are that if you don't like being around smokers, don't hang around them. I'm sure they can find things about you they don't like, too, if you want to be petty about their personal habits. Besides, with airconditioning these days, it's not exactly a problem."

The Honourable Justice Thompson, on the Vagrants and Scummy People Act 1949: "Being drunk in public is bad enough. Getting into fights in scummy. It's all laid out in the VASP Act. The community is sick of scummy people, and a vicious bashing is at the milder end of the scale for things we think should be done to them."

Long-term Roycelandia watchers are not concerned about some of Roycelandia's more "socialist" policies, pointing out that the Empire has a looooooooooooong way to go before they even become remotely in danger of turning anti-capitalist...

((ooc: xDDDD))

Long-term Roycelandia watchers are not concerned about some of Roycelandia's more "socialist" policies, pointing out that the Empire has a looooooooooooong way to go before they even become remotely in danger of turning anti-capitalist...
OOC: Damn, we'll just have to wait then wont we. BTW, LOL for the whole idea, but my IC stance would have to be that you're committing a breach of human rights and condemm you. won't do anything for now cos i'm in a civil war, but that shouldnt last long.

While on the whole Strathdonian Parties with any sort of interest agrre with the Roycelandian stance they woudl disagree on the smokeing issue, we prefer to force those who seek to so blantantly endanger thier own lives to join private clubs if they wish to smoke outside thier own home, of course certain parts of the strathdonian establishment want the very act of smoking a cigarette in the presence of others to be classified as commiting mansalughter unless said others also smoke in which case its group sucide...

Bear in mind, of course, that Roycelandian Cigars (still grown the traditional way in Cuba, and hand made to boot!) are some of the finest in the world, and are eagerly sought after by the discriminating Tobacco Connisseur.

In other words, the Tobacco Lobby has lots of money and lots of Friends In Important Places- but bear in mind that it's not like EVERYONE in Roycelandia is lighting up willy-nilly... common courtesy applies in most cases.