NationStates Jolt Archive

HIFEX NEWS AGENCY: SCHULTARIA PRIME

-Available to all international news entities for immediate release

Today the United Socialist States of Schultaria Prime awoke to the news that census records have recorded the nation's population at over two billion for the first time in its history. This landmark achievement, a major milestone for both the government and its citizens, has been in the making for several decades; with recent economic prosperity in the nation, Schultaria Prime's population has been soaring at rates seldom seen outside of postwar population booms and has contributed significantly to today's celebration. In Schultaria Prime, Schultaria Prime, the Nation Assembly declared a national holiday to commemorate this new landmark.

-In the City of Schultaria Prime, a crowd of ten million mobbed the National Mall for an impromptu concert by several noted bands. The massive crowd jammed dozens of square blocks in virtual gridlock while the landmark Schultarian Jazz combo Twinkies 'n Beer played on the steps of the Assembly Archives for three straight hours. Despite the number of people and the cramped conditions of the open space incidents of major crime and violence were non present, much to the surprise and relief of the some six thousand uniformed and undercover officers called to insure that the crowd did not fall out of control.

"I was really expecting today to turn out into a riot," noted Sergeant Albert Coates, a decorated officer of Schultaria Prime's 18 Precinct, "There've been some big crowds in my day, but this one really takes the cake; never in my life have I seen so many people just hanging out and having a good time. Even inaugurations don't get this much attention."

-Meanwhile in Colloi, Director Sarnow Haarvekord delivered a rousing speech in front of nearly thirty thousand Doctoral candidates calling for the development of new technologies to help push the population boundaries even farther in Schultaria Prime. Citing the government's willingness to promote and develop radical technologies in the civilian sector, his speech was met with a standing ovation by the assembled crowd. The bill proposed by Haarvekord has already been deliberated by the National Assembly and is in the process of final revision; should the bill's budget not be tampered the government will double its current spending on generic research and development, spending an unprecedented 2.9 trillion USD per year for the next decade.

-In addition, the SKC also celebrated the nation's achievements with a massive gala open to the public located in the port city of Edgen. To commemorate the event, Central Director Elliot Schultz served as master of ceremonies for the dedication of the nation's fourth Kerga Naskehdex Class Superdreadnaught. The SSS Emptaxis, the final addition to the fourth flagship fleet, was unveiled to a crowd of some two million, most of who had worked directly on the project for the better part of fifteen years.

"It never really gets old looking at one of those ships," chuckled Donnar Robat, who served as a general laborer and then chief foreman for the development of the first Naskehdex Superdreadnaught.

The Emptaxis was christened by Jean Carlisle, an associate Professor currently living in Dolec and an émigré officially recognized as lucky citizen number two billion. "No matter how young or how old you may be, it is wonderful to have a place that welcomes you. I really feel at home here," she replied in a small speech just before the conclusion of the official ceremonies, "It's great to live in a place so large, yet so concerned with propriety and security. Thank you all for making life that much more enjoyable, and let's look to brighter futures ahead."

The ANL congradualates Schultaria Prime on this population milestone. The ANL itself is currently on the way to hitting the 3 billion mark.

On behalf of the Government and Citizens of the Grand Duchy of Hamptonshire, I congratulate the Schultarian people on reaching this milestone. The Grand Duchy itself was recently fortunate enough to celebrate our own billionth citizen.

As a true friend of all Schultarians I stand and salute the great and honorable nation of Schultaria Prime. May she know nothing but peace and prosperity.


Senator Bernard Allenby (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v114/hamptonshire/allenby2.jpg)
President of the Royal Congress
Grand Duchy of Hamptonshire

"With the celebrations surrounding our ascension to two billion individuals we've lauded the achievements of our nation, celebrating our willingness to accept and integrate members from all nations while our own population base explodes from unrivaled economic success. I am personally honored that both the Nations of Aztec National League and Hamptonshire have offered their congratulations during this momentous occasion, and I offer the same in return. It's been quite a battle for our nation to keep development ahead of our expected population growth, but we hope that those struggles are well behind us. As a member of the global community, thank you for your consideration and let us hope for still more prosperous days ahead. Barring a catastrophe of the highest order, let our nations grow unimpeded with continued success and astounding results."

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v352/emschultz/Elliotsmall.jpg
-Central Director Elliot Schultz

"This event is not just a landmark for science and technology, but a wonderful example of the solidarity and social flexibility of the Schultarian people. Even with a population exceeding the two billion mark, the basic democratic structures that make up the core of our government have served us faithfully for over a century. Despite the rapid growth and development of our nation, we have never lost ourselves to the anonymity of a large state. If a democracy such as ours can last given social pressure, then there is still hope for younger nations struggling to find their government identity. Thank you all for helping celebrate our social achievements as well as our physical."

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-Director Joan Covey

"We are fast approaching a threshold that has been looming over our nation for many decades; however, our nation has seldom faced a problem as dire as ours, and we hope that every nation offering us congratulations will understand the severity of our situation. Our population density is now well over 3,400 persons per square kilometer and pushes the bounds of our technological development on a daily basis; buildings that were once created to accommodate 115% of their intended designs aren't properly handling this explosion in people. It is estimated that we will have to spend, at the very least, three to five percent of our national budget just to keep pace with our population growth. However i digress, it is wonderful to see that Schultaria Prime has friends in the international community willing to offer their messages of warm wishes during this momentous occasion. May we all find this unexpected prosperity to be a boon instead of a burden."

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v352/emschultz/haarvekordsmall.jpg
-Director Sarnow Haarvekord

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Official Reply:

Your people must get horny easily! And yes, congratulations.
Department of Foreign Affairs

((OOC: You know I can't be serious :P ))

"No way! Schultaria Prime! Wow, does time fly, eh? But I must go there immediately! No, I really do mean immediately -"

With a tremendous poof of magenta-ish smoke (#cc66cc if you're wondering), Michael Hansien arrived in Schultaria Prime to attend the festivies. He was flanked by defense secretary Dredon and secretary of state Dailey. Hansien immediately offered congratulations and a basket of chocolate chip muffins ("There's probably a blueberry or two in there as well," he explained) to the Directors (or whatever the three people in the earlier post are called) and began a serious conversation with them.

Dredon and Dailey raided the bars in an attempt to get as utterly drunk as possible, each trying to outdo the other.

The Zoogie People: Wherever there is a population party, you know I gotta crash it. :-p

Schultaria Prime: Euroslavia congratulates your nation upon hitting this monumentous landmark, and wishes Shultaria Prime the best of times in the events to come.

James Kreigshaw, previously a Euroslav citizen who moved to Schultaria Prime for a life of peace, stumbled into a random bar in its capital city and shouted, "Oh my ylorddd.... Shuuuulturai Prime tottallly roxxs!!".

To the Nation of The Island of Rose

"When a nation doesn't concern itself with matters such as racial segregation or offensive military matters, the population tends to get quite bored without something to do. As long as we have the resources to sustain our people, we have no problem with a baby boom every now and then; I think your country would find our attitudes on human sexuality to be in concert with a logical, yet generally liberal, ideology. As we Schultarians like to say: no stereotyping means more open possibilities to meet someone without any emotional baggage."

-The National Assembly of Schultaria Prime

-----

Meanwhile in the Crow's Hand Pub and Grill: Schultaria Prime, Schultaria Prime...

The bartender stood at his post watching the crowds of people pass by, the ground shaking as the collective feet of ten million revelers danced in the street. Polishing the remainder of his shot glasses, he noted the two Zoogians bursting into the bar followed by a man in his young thirties who was obviously drunk. Smiling, he surveyed the three guests without so much as a flinch or a second look. "So, I'm guessing you guys aren't from around here," he replied while pouring a shot of whiskey for himself, "So, what can I get'cha?"

-----

In Edgen, a startled Central Director Schultz was relieved to see some friendly faces bearing gifts. "Well, I don't believe we've ever had the chance to talk face to face," he replied as he gratefully received his welcome basket. "Since you're here, perhaps you might want to take a tour of our latest addition to the Schultarian Defense Forces. I can assure you that you'd be the first nation outside of Granzi to ever lay eyes on the inside of the pride of our fleet."

The Zoogie People: Wherever there is a population party, you know I gotta crash it. :-p

Schultaria Prime: Euroslavia congratulates your nation upon hitting this monumentous landmark, and wishes Shultaria Prime the best of times in the events to come.

James Kreigshaw, previously a Euroslav citizen who moved to Schultaria Prime for a life of peace, stumbled into a random bar in its capital city and shouted, "Oh my ylorddd.... Shuuuulturai Prime tottallly roxxs!!".

You far from crashed mine, though it didn't turn out anything like what I had expected ;)

-

Dredon was a precise, particular man, and spent three minutes describing the exact parameters for his vodka. Dailey, on the other hand, was more laid-back, lightly put, and simply said, "Give me the strongest thing you've got."

-

"Oh, I'd love to," said Hansien eagerly. He had an enthusiasm for military technology, and it baffled everyone that he had cut back on it so severely in his own country. "I should get the defen---oh, never mind. He's probably far too drunk to care."

Well, I'm very new here and this is my first post:

Congratulations Schultaria! Just as a friendly tip, that even though other nations may have bigger populations than you, don't think of yourself as weak, think of yourself as strong compared to the weak players that have just started such as me ;)

-Crow's Hand Pub

Happy to oblige, the bartender opened up a rather large mirrored bookcase behind the bar; inside eight hundred bottles of the finest and most exotic Vodkas, from homegrown recipes to the famous Dolec "Blue", were available for anyone. As Dredon belabored his situation, the proprietor pulled out several of the finest glasses in the establishment and poured an array of six different types of Vodka. After offering him a glass matched to his exacting specifications, the barkeep replied "Perhaps in addition to your particular style, would you like to try some of our specialties in the field?"

Meanwhile, the bar's owner patted Dailey on the back and offered to take him outside. "I'll tell you why our bartender knows that you aren't naive Schultarians; not that it's a bad thing in any way," he said with a wink and a tip of his flat brimmed tweed cap. Escorting the gentleman outside, he pointed to a small convenience store only two buildings down from the homely pub. Outside, he called to the attendant "Just an Otki's worth t'day." The owner pulled out a nozzle more suitable for pumping gasoline than mixing drinks, and poured half a shot into a naked glass. "In Schultaria Prime you see we don't use petroleum," he replied while downing the shot, "we use alcohol to power our cars. It's rated at one hundred and ninety proof, strictly enforced by the government, and some of the cheapest drinks around. You can tell a Schultarian tourist when they visit a foreign country; most of them are sick after taking a shot of gasoline!" Laughing, he poured another shot from the pump and offered it to his patron, "If you need something a bit softer after this we can go back to the bar, but nothing compares to the bite in one of these nasty little fireballs."

-----

Edgen Seawerks

Laughing Elliot replied, "If your companion can't see what I'm about to show you than he would probably have the worst eyesight of anyone I've known drunk or sober. Just take a look up."

High above their heads, three massive barrels loomed overhead like redwood trees sprouting sideways, their massive scale only matched by the colossal turret mechanism attached to them. An endless wall of battleship gray covered the party's field of view and seemed to merge with the rest of the ocean when viewed from a distance. "This, my friends, is the last of an era for Schultaria Prime. What you see here is the culmination of billions of man hours of labor coupled with nearly seventy five billion dollars of equipment: the Kerga Naskehdex Class Dreadnaught."

During the celebrations in Schultaria Prime, a small data pack was delivered to Elliot Schultz’s empty office. Its contents… a dire warning.

Secret IC

USSSP MINST-INT: DATPAK (AA9) [TIMESTP 11-02 115SDC]

-SENSITIVE FILE: LEVEL 10 SECURITY CLEARANCE-

United Socialist States of Schultaria Prime Ministry of the Interior
Cost Benefit Analysis Survey

-Subject: The Problems of Overpopulation in Schultaria Prime

While our nation has recently surpassed the population watermark of 2 billion documented citizens this memo, presented to the members of the Central Directorate, asks for steps to change the policy of the United Socialist States of Schultaria Prime to better cope with the needs of a growing population. Over the span of one hundred and fifteen years, the USSSP has grown by a rate of some 2,150% with little indication of growth subsiding in the immediate future. Fueled by a nearly thirty year economic boom in the nation's agriculture and high technology industries, the economy of the average Schultarian citizen has never been more productive or more beneficial to the average worker. At the time of this survey, the average number of citizens working on a full time basis in Schultaria Prime numbers some 35% of the total population, or over seven hundred and fifty two million individuals.

Although our industry is keeping pace with the growing ranks of citizens entering the employment market, the USSSP faces considerable problems in critical infrastructure development. We, the Ministry of the Interior, have identified several problems which will need remedy within a space of no less than 15 years should the nation decide to expand along this current population curve. Below are several problems our department urges the current administration to address; we shall offer our counsel if requested, but not at any point before you require future analysis.

Our agricultural infrastructure, while adequate for the time, will face severe problems in the next few decades. The present population growth in Schultaria Prime currently exceeds annual improvements in overall farming efficiency, presenting an inevitable shortage of annual food surpluses on the horizon. By the time the USSSP has reached 2.45 billion citizens all fauna based crop agriculture will cease to meet the consumer demands of the population, leading to an inevitable trade deficit in food importation if not remedied. Should the problem go unattended, food prices for staple grains are expected to increase to roughly 8 to 12 times the current price levels in less than 60 years. In addition, should agricultural surpluses cease to exist, conventional Industrial Ethanol production (and it hydrocarbon derivatives) shall have to be cut back in order to satisfy nutritional demand.


Power consumption, though stable for the time being, is in an equally precarious situation. At the present time, we are capable of satiating the energy needs of the nation with an additional 35% surplus in times of dire emergency. However, the majority of our Haarvekord Mark III through V nuclear cores and their respective power stations are now well into their seventieth year of continual operation. While careful maintenance and stringent safety audits can insure the continued success of these reactors for at least another 50 years, power consumption will strip our electrical surplus in less than 20 years. Given the fact that our nation has a considerable deficit in reactor grade Uranium and Trans-Uranium materials, alternative sources of energy must be considered to maintain electrical independence.


The nation’s urban infrastructure has reached a level of complexity that is now well beyond the control of any single individual or committee to survey and regulate. Nonetheless, nearly 60% of all urban inhabitants now live in areas where basic plumbing facilities and conventional codes for standardization do not meet the stringent Schultarian safety requirements for basic urban housing. While the majority of these buildings’ basic necessities are more than adequate to satisfy the demands of a general first world nation, most of them were built in the period of 1 to 25 SDC, well before the establishment of unified Schultarian structure codes. Many of these residential and commercial spaces often share large power and water grids with few redundant systems; should of 2% nation’s power or water distribution infrastructure be damaged, some 1 billion residents would be directly affected with little means of immediate remedy.


Should the nation’s financial infrastructure be damaged, the USSSP’s current financial crisis management system is financially solvent and capable of supplying every citizen with 8,300 Merlons (~80 days of the average Schultarian per capita wage) for immediate financial relief. Unfortunately, the nation’s banking system lacks the necessary distribution facilities to insure this physical currency can reach its intended destinations in a timely manner should the USSSP suffer a financial crisis. In addition, our reserves of precious metals and gem quality crystals can only offer this level of financial protection for up to 2.35 billion citizens. Once this population barrier has passed, our nation’s current financial reserves will not be able to keep up with our current population growth.

We request that you, the three esteemed members of the Schultarian Central Directorate, reply as soon as possible with potential solutions and/or political action sometime in the immediate future; the data that has been presented here has been verified and confirmed by four independent statistical laboratories, and assured to be accurate to within a +/- 2.5% margin of error to insure all warnings are indeed credible. Thank you for your time, and we await your expedient reply.

-Interior Ministry of Schultaria Prime
Chesaa'la Olimon: Ministerial Head

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