NationStates Jolt Archive

Fourth National Bank of the Siapian Private Sector special offer!!

Since no one lives forever, and since the reins of power can be taxing on one's health (We speak from experience, Chancellor Michael Lombard of our father country had to receive quintuple bypass surgery during his third consecutive term), it is ideal that leaders of the many great nations of this world make plans for there retirement. Great leaders need compensation for the golden ages they bring, but greatness is not always recognized immediately. For some reason, people have a hissy fit when they discover their leader has moved large quantities of money out of the country, but thats where we come in. We, at the 4th national bank of the Siapian Private Sector have experience in this "money management", but don't take it from us, listen to some of our satisfied customers:

Tony Forelli- legitamite Businessmen's social club-"It was real easy. I just left my money in the bsket and it was freshly laundered in the morning."

Augustine St. Mark- ex-Emporer of the Holy Empire of Diganda-"It was great! I started with the simple savings plan-a 1% sales tax here, a 'special' building permit there, and before I knew it, I retired to my island paradise where I could watch my nation dissolve in total comfort!"

We have several time-tested methods. One is by operating a 'safety commission' in a certain industry and slapping each new product with a special inspection fee, which is then sent through several of our front companies and then arrives in a special, secure and insured by the government of Siap certificate of deposit which is only redeemable by the account number we provide and earns a competitive interest rate. More of our methods include purchasing over-priced goods, 'accidental misplacements' in wiring transactions, or any other creative way to make money magically dissapear. Contact us now, and you'll get the limited time 2% service fee; a fraction of what we usually charge.

bump for customers

Premier Vladimir will be retiring soon for a soon to come recall election and might be interested in this service.

We have a vast array of fronts that can help extract and clean the money. Just let us now how much, how soon.
~Siapian 4th Nat'l Bank, Private Sector

bump

Come on, world leaders, your retirement fund isn't just gonna fall from the sky! Especially if you are deposed!

IC: Take money through illicit means? How horrible can you get? The money of my people can be used for far better items than my house!

~ Taunja Lockeheart, Prime Minister of the Kingdom of Romandeos.

"You uncorruptables are harmful to the economy."
-Vice President,
Siapian 4th Nat'l Bank, Private Sector

"You uncorruptables are harmful to the economy."
-Vice President,
Siapian 4th Nat'l Bank, Private Sector

IC: Maybe we are harmful to the illegal side of the global economy, but not to the good side, and that's the side that matters.

~ Taunja Lockeheart, Prime Minister of the Kingdom of Romandeos.

Do you have a trust department? I have a small island and about $1.6 Billion I've saved in a legitimate retirement account that I'd consider handing over in trust to you just in case I was to be forcibly deposed.

It would be no trouble to handle your money. It will be held in a money market and it will be invested across tax free AA or AAA bonds in Siap's public works sector. Your money will be insured, and accessible at any time.
~Siapian 4th Nat'l Bank Private Sector

bumpo

IC: Maybe we are harmful to the illegal side of the global economy, but not to the good side, and that's the side that matters.

~ Taunja Lockeheart, Prime Minister of the Kingdom of Romandeos.

"Well, its a good thing those two have no connection whatsoever..."

Vice President
-Siapian 4th National Bank, Private Sector

Encrypted Message to the Fourth National Bank of the Siapian Private Sector

I am very interested in your services. I rigged the election, you see, with
'connections' in the voting machine manufacturing industry, and now I have a
bad feeling...$309.7 billion USD 'disappeared' from the last national budget if you
know what I mean, and I would like to deposit that in a slush account.

Prime Minister Whitfield
*as a private citizen, of course, wink, wink, nudge, nudge*
The Evil Empire of Evil Woody Thoughts

Coded message to Evil Woody Thoughts:

It would be a joy to help you. First off, what form is his money in? Is it in an account, or is it in cash? Once you let us know what form it is in, we can clean it for you.
~Sean Schiller
Financial Consultant,
Siapian 4th Nat'l Bank, Private Sector

Coded message to Evil Woody Thoughts:

It would be a joy to help you. First off, what form is his money in? Is it in an account, or is it in cash? Once you let us know what form it is in, we can clean it for you.
~Sean Schiller
Financial Consultant,
Siapian 4th Nat'l Bank, Private Sector

Encrypted Response

It is in cash. Do I need to make a 'state visit' with my A380 stuffed full of bills?

Prime Minister Whitfield

We'll pick it up through one of our dummy corporations. Don't worry about the expenses shown, as we will cover them. We'll send you all the documentation of your money's laundering.

National Wire and asset transfer services
Amount of Money sent: $154.85 Billion
Wire Fee-$4,000----Paid
1% asset transfer tax-exempt
Receiving Party: Ajax Courier and Charter
Purposes:Insurance
Sending Party: Private Citizen*

*Under Siapian Law, sec. 501 article 14 of Federal Privacy act, the federal government may not obtain or act on information in wire transfers without a warrant awarded by a State or Federal Justice, or one of the presiding Justices of the Military Courts


Ajax Air Courier and Charter

Customer receipt:
PIF=Paid In Full PIP= Paid In Part OA= Outstanding Account

aircraft- 4-DC-3
Charter Fee- $4,000 per plane.......................$16,000
Flight Cost per hour-$50 @ 10hr x 4..................$2,000
Fuel Cost (Total).............................................$4,000
10% Oil tax..................................................$ 400
Subtotal.......................................................$22,400
1% Aviation Tax............................................$ 224
Total............................................................$22,624

Goods Information:
Cargo: Artwork
Value Insured: $154.85 Billion
Paid?- Funds Received via wire transfer.

Siapian Customs Office
Destination-Esmund International Airport, Esmund, Siap
Goods carried-Artwork
Value (Approx.)-$154.85 Billion
Tariffs-N/A
Carrier-Ajax Air Courier and Charter
Customs Processing fee- $20....Paid


Encoded Message to Mr. Whitfield:
The first stage of the money laundering process is complete.
-Sean Schiller
Siapian 4th Nat'l Bank, Private Sector

ker-bumple

bump

Semi-OOC: Instead of bumping, why don't you RP the completion of your, er, outstanding money-laundering activities? Just a thought :D

OOC: I kinda was expecting a response from you, but ok.

I'm not too concerned about the cash, what I want to know is how your trust department will handle the island I'm willing to hand over to them.

The island will be kept secure. we can develop it for your tastes...

4th Nat'l Bank, Private Sector

$94.85 Billion received for private money market
from Ajax air courier and Charter


National vehicle salvage
Sale receipt:
10 Cessna Skyhawk @ $5 Billion per aircraft

Money transferred to private holding account at 4th Nat'l Bank


Encoded message to Evil Woody Thoughts:
Half of your money has been sent to your account.

anonymous individuals within the WPHD private sector (& multi-national corps) would like to wire $5,000,000,000 & an island (2,000 acreish) (in Fiji?) to
Mr. Hill-Dixon

We can have a front company maintain and develop your island and we can open a private account at our bank, which would make the receiving of the money less suspicious, since the accounts are not directly linked to the person. We have several inestment options:

Passbook: Easily accessible, no minimum deposit and risk free. It earns 2.4% APR and has a monthly service fee of $40 deducted from the account.

Certificate of Deposit: Inaccesible for the agreed amount of time, but earns a strong 6% interest rate. Completely risk free and carries no service charge.

Money Market: Invested on well rated bonds, including municipal bonds and corporate bonds. Slight risk (potentialy -2% APR) but can potentialy earn up to 10% APR.

Index Fund: carries a 2% front load and a 4% back load, but has maximum potential at the cost of security. This is based against the Siapian Private Sector, which is currently performing at "Frightening".

Regal Corona Casino

Quarterly Report

Slots
$996 Million

Video-Euchre
$130.65 Billion

Black Jack
$120.34 Billion

Race winnings:
$250.04 Billion


To our valued shareholders:
As you can see, Royal Corona is still one of the strongest Casino chains in Siap, and is performing remarkably well. We thank you for your proud support and wish you to come to one of our casinos and try your luck! We will be transferring a large sum of these revenues to a private corporate account at the 4th Nat'l bank of Siap, Private Sector to prevent any changes in market affecting your investments.

4th Nat'l Bank, Private Sector
Bank Auction report:
Sale of foreclosed assets of BEEPH Industries:

Total Value: $500 Million

Total Sale: $40.5 Billion




Siap Tribune
"All the news we feel like telling you"

Accounts were in a frenzy after the controversy supposedly caused by a typographical error in the reported sale of the now bankrupt BEEP® Industries. "I'm really sorry. My wife left me, my dog died, I got a parking ticket and I just quit smoking." Said a disheveled accountant, holding a cigarrette in his trembling hand.
A representative of the Siapian 4th National Bank of the Private Sector was quoted,"We understand what he going through, and how easy it is to make errors. Needless to say, we just sacked him."

Coded message to Evil Woody Thoughts:
we have finally put all your money into a private passbook account. It will accrue a 1.2% interest with a $40 monthly fee and be accesible at any time. Let us know if you would like to consider upgrading the account to a CD, Money Market or Index fund.

~Sean Schiller
4th siapian Nat'l Bank, Private Sector

P.S. We have already deducted the laundering fee from your money, so do not worry about it.

Coded message to Evil Woody Thoughts:
we have finally put all your money into a private passbook account. It will accrue a 1.2% interest with a $40 monthly fee and be accesible at any time. Let us know if you would like to consider upgrading the account to a CD, Money Market or Index fund.

~Sean Schiller
4th siapian Nat'l Bank, Private Sector

P.S. We have already deducted the laundering fee from your money, so do not worry about it.

Encrypted Transmission to Sean Schiller

Thank you for your services; you have been most helpful. I would like
to purchase $200 billion worth of Certificates of Deposit, open a Money Market
Account with $50 billion, and keep the rest in my Passbook Account.

Please send me an encrypted statement, as I don't recall the disclosure of the
laundering fees.

It has been a pleasure laundering money...er, I mean, doing business with you.

Prime Minister Whitfield
The Evil Empire of Evil Woody Thoughts
*on unofficial business, of course*

Contact us now, and you'll get the limited time 2% service fee; a fraction of what we usually charge.

Standby for encrypted message

Mr. Whitfield
Your purchases have been approved. The 2% surcharge was part of the package, (Always read the fine print) but we squirreled it away during the laundering process. Do not fret over it, as you will recover your losses soon with your interest.
~Sean Schiller
Siapian 4th Nat'l Bank

$20m in the passbook
$1bn in cd
rest in money market

Contact us now, and you'll get the limited time 2% service fee; a fraction of what we usually charge.

OOC: Yeah, I remember that now; I just looked over it when I read the thread over again for purposes of replying. These things happen on 5 hours of sleep :p

OOC: Yeah, I remember that now; I just looked over it when I read the thread over again for purposes of replying. These things happen on 5 hours of sleep :p

Sleep deprivation, like benzene fumes or lead-based paint give a boy character. :cool:

$20m in the passbook
$1bn in cd
rest in money market

Confirmed

bump

bump

bump for more contracts!

Money don't launder itself, you know.