NationStates Jolt Archive

Gantu Kanto Kupo Goomba Ghana Mugabe Shoobooshaaba was 13 years old when a coalition of superpowers comprising Generic empire, Borman Empire, and The Parthians conquered, subjugated, and enslaved his homeland. The primitive, impoverished, technologically-backwards, pagan nation had scarcely put up a fight. After the 'war' was over, the three superpowers partitioned the nation among themselves, and began exporting Shoobans as slaves. As an ally of the three superpowers, Roach-Busters was granted a small portion of Shoobooshaaba, which became an RB colony called New Roach-Busters. All Shoobans in the colony became RB slaves- including Gantu Kanto Kupo Goomba Ghana Mugabe Shoobooshaaba, along with his father, mother, his father's eleven other wives, all seven hundred and fifty-eight of his siblings and step siblings, a few dozen aunts and uncles, over a thousand cousins, and more grandparents than he could count (which, incidentally, doesn't mean much, because he can't even count up to one).

This is the tale of Gantu Kanto Kupo Goomba Ghana Mugabe Shoobooshaaba, now aged 17. This is the tale of...

A Day in the Life of a Shooban

ooc: I hope There's more thAn just that post cominG

Gantu Kanto Kupo Goomba Ghana Mugabe Shoobooshaaba awakened at the sound of roosters crowing at 4:00 A.M. in the morning. "Gumby?" he said, looking around. His voice sounded like a cross between Donald Duck with a sore throat, a female gungan, a dying giraffe, and an old woman with pertussis. He got up, stretched his extremely thin and decrepit arms, and waddled outside to begin his daily chores.

"What the hell took you so long, rat?" J.L. asked, kicking the Shooban in the ribcage. Gantu yelped, making a sound just like a Canadian goose. "Shut up, you sound like a goddamn goose!" J.L. said, backhanding Gantu across the face, knocking him to the ground. Gantu began emitting mournful honking sounds and coughing up blood-tinged purplish green saliva simultaneously. He held out his hand.

"I'm not helping you up," J.L. said. "Worthless piece of crap."

"I iz nod a wuffwess pees off kee-rawp!" Gantu said, honk/screaming and flailing his arms idiotically. He bent over, lifted his foot, and began licking his middle toe.

"What the hell are you doing?" J.L. shouted at the top of his lungs.

"I iz ricking mah toesy-woesy furr good wuck," Gantu explained, and began dancing around holding his foot, scratching his filthy hair, belching, and hopping, which in the Shooban 'culture' meant he was hungry.

"What do you want, rat?" J.L. said. He paused. "No, wait, wait, I don't care. You need to mosey your ass over to the field and start building that statue of Thiansiri. Get to work, rat."

He kicked Gantu, making him honk/scream again.

Like all Shoobans, Gantu had a very long nose (4 inches long) that was 9 inches thick, sliver-thin purple lips with blistered, scaly warts, huge lopsided ears, small, vacant eyes with the docile, stupid look of a very dumb cow, dirty, mottled bluish-green skin, nappy, wavy yellow-gray hair festering with fleas and lice, short, thin legs with giant feet, and long arms that reached the ground, with huge hands. His legs were always bent forward at the knees, and he was always in a hunched position. He was extremely thin, with every bone clearly visible. He was 4'1", 46 pounds. His I.Q. was so low it could not be measured.

OOC: lol......great as ever, RB.

Didn't we have an RP going in my colony?

OOC: lol......great as ever, RB.

Didn't we have an RP going in my colony?

(OOC: That we did. I'll post momentarily.)

ooc: Isn't J.L in jail?

As he skipped girlishly off into the field to join his brainless brethren, Gantu sung, "Glee, glaw, blah blah blah, glee, glaw, blah blah blah, gumby-dumby gon-go!"

ooc: Isn't J.L in jail?

(OOC: Yes. This is just an example of what a Shooban's daily life is like. ;))

When he reached the work place, where millions of other Shoobans toiled under the blazing glare of the sun, a uniformed, broad-shouldered, square-chinned guard with narrow eyes, a blond flat top, and white gloves walked over and pointed Gantu to a huge, 1,000 feet tall pile of pebbles. "There. Get to work. We expect a 100 foot tall statue of the First Lady to be built by tonight. If you fail, you'll die. If you succeed...well, we might just kill you anyway, just for fun."

"GUMBY!?" Gantu shrieked, and immediately began honk/screaming as he waddled over to the pile to get to work.

With just pebbles and honey to work with, Gantu was expected to build the whole statue all by himself. He sighed, and went to work.

((OOC: How did J.L. go to jail???))

By 5:00 P.M., Gantu was finished building 1/33 of Thiansiri's left foot.

He honk/screamed when the guard suddenly whacked him across the back of the neck. "Get busy! If you're not done in one hour, you're a dead man- er, dead Shooban!"

((OOC: How did J.L. go to jail???))

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=383846

One of the last 5-10 pages

OOC: Bahahahahahahaha... ;) Awesome!!

OOC: Bahahahahahahaha... ;) Awesome!!

(OOC: Thanks! :p)

(OOC2: Could you condemn it IC? Thanks!)

6:00 P.M.

"Gundy gondo goodoo doogoo googoo ga-ga-kapangaaaaaaaa!" Gantu screamed, when the guard returned. Although Gantu's I.Q. was abysmal, incalculably low, and abominablly stupid, even he knew what the guard's return meant.

"Hey, it's okay, I didn't come to kill you," the guard said in a gentle, soothing voice. He had his fingers crossed behind his back.

"Yoos no ki'w I?" Gantu screamed. "Sankoooooo bewwy, bewwy motch, Mastah Pawson!"

He tried to embrace the guard, who handed him a poisoned piece of bread.

"Enjoy...rat."

"GACK!"

Within seconds, Gantu plopped down, dead.

THE END

(OOC: This thread was basically an introduction to Shoobans for those who don't know what they are.)

OOC: I should so start a thread where some random civil rights group starts trying to help the Shoobans. But first I must advertise!

Here is an RP!

It's good!

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=395029

I'm not lying that much!

OOC: Fine ;)

http://kfox.gamehorizons.net/coatofarms_Pacitalia.jpg
Official Pacitalian Government Statement

The treatment of the Shoobans by the authorities in Roach-Busters is without question disgusting, contemptible, irresponsible and overall, repugnant. We cannot see how the Shoobans, let alone any race on Earth, deserves the treatment being given to these poor, defenceless people by the citizens and government of Roach-Busters.

Roach-Busters itself has become a major problem in regard to its domestic human rights policies and these terrible acts against humanity must be curbed immediately.

The SEP-T Coalition (Sarzonians, Euroslavians and Pacitalians for Truth) will be demanding full, concise and honest reports of the Roach-Busterian government and if that is not given, will demand access to Roach-Busters to perform inspections of living, health and education standards for these people.

Roach-Busters has become a despicable land of waste, squalor and destroyed hopes and dreams. So, again, we will extend the hand of friendship to help the disadvantaged and poor masses of Roach-Busters suffering under what is and was the J.L. regime, by providing humanitarian and educational aid once the current conflict with Sarzonia is finished, and Roach-Busters is declared a peaceful, unhostile land for Pacitalian peacegivers.

However, as this is still a gross crime against humanity and a terrible stain on the reputation of the nation of Roach-Busters as a country of pride and hard work, we must condemn this act and implore Roach-Busterian authorities to stop this mad process before many more Shoobans are killed.

Vasiliou Bandanaris
Agustinate of International Relations
(from Ajer, Yafor 2)

OOC: Fine ;)

http://kfox.gamehorizons.net/coatofarms_Pacitalia.jpg
Official Pacitalian Government Statement

The treatment of the Shoobans by the authorities in Roach-Busters is without question disgusting, contemptible, irresponsible and overall, repugnant. We cannot see how the Shoobans, let alone any race on Earth, deserves the treatment being given to these poor, defenceless people by the citizens and government of Roach-Busters.

Roach-Busters itself has become a major problem in regard to its domestic human rights policies and these terrible acts against humanity must be curbed immediately.

The SEP-T Coalition (Sarzonians, Euroslavians and Pacitalians for Truth) will be demanding full, concise and honest reports of the Roach-Busterian government and if that is not given, will demand access to Roach-Busters to perform inspections of living, health and education standards for these people.

Roach-Busters has become a despicable land of waste, squalor and destroyed hopes and dreams. So, again, we will extend the hand of friendship to help the disadvantaged and poor masses of Roach-Busters suffering under what is and was the J.L. regime, by providing humanitarian and educational aid once the current conflict with Sarzonia is finished, and Roach-Busters is declared a peaceful, unhostile land for Pacitalian peacegivers.

However, as this is still a gross crime against humanity and a terrible stain on the reputation of the nation of Roach-Busters as a country of pride and hard work, we must condemn this act and implore Roach-Busterian authorities to stop this mad process before many more Shoobans are killed.

Vasiliou Bandanaris
Agustinate of International Relations
(from Ajer, Yafor 2)

Shoobans are not people.

-some random spokesperson for the government

OOC: Why did you want me to condemn it, btw?

OOC: Why did you want me to condemn it, btw?

(OOC: I dunno, hopefully if things get too tense between us, it could make for an interesting RP. ;))

Shoobans are not people.

-some random spokesperson for the government

"Parthian scientists have confirmed these findings with a variety of experiments on our own Shooban slaves, they are not human and deserve to be treated like animals. I even hunt them with a bow and arrow on horseback."

-Shah Khosru III

OOC: Excellent work, RB. There must be a lot of female, Shooban... :D

"Parthian scientists have confirmed these findings with a variety of experiments on our own Shooban slaves, they are not human and deserve to be treated like animals. I even hunt them with a bow and arrow on horseback."

-Shah Khosru III

(OOC: Lol!!! :D)

bump

A note smuggled to J.L Via his food tray.

"What does Shooban taste like J.L?"-The Great Leader Li.

A note smuggled to J.L Via his food tray.

"What does Shooban taste like J.L?"-The Great Leader Li.

"Deep-fried yak droppings that have been overcooked and smothered in thick armpit grease, according to some fool I met."

-Generalissimo J.L.

bump

bump

Thanks.

Tag, cant read now

We demand you take this off now (OOC: Dont). If the shoobans in our country somehow escape, escape, escape, make it to civilization, get access to a computer, learn to read, go on internet, and find this, then Shoobans across Borman will be leaving for the land of RB where the treatment of Shoobans seem slike paradise.

bump

Fine, dont reply.

Fine, dont reply.

I didn't really understand your post. :confused:

I didn't really understand your post. :confused:

You...You piece of...You..I mean...

OOC: Basically the way you treat Shoobans in your nation is a paradise compared to the treatment they receive in my nation. I'm saying that if a Shooban somehow get educated, a computer, internet, and finds this then Shoobans will start going to your nation.

You...You piece of...You..I mean...

OOC: Basically the way you treat Shoobans in your nation is a paradise compared to the treatment they receive in my nation. I'm saying that if a Shooban somehow get educated, a computer, internet, and finds this then Shoobans will start going to your nation.

"Damn. I guess this means I'm not abusing them badly enough."

-Generalissimo J.L.

"Damn. I guess this means I'm not abusing them badly enough."

-Generalissimo J.L.

Yes

Yes

I will gladly hire Bormanians to come and educate my people in the art of Shooban abuse.

-Generalissimo J.L.

I will gladly hire Bormanians to come and educate my people in the art of Shooban abuse.

-Generalissimo J.L.

We will send 100 Bormans (I thouhgt you knew it was Borman and Bormans) to help teach you how to treat Shoobans.

We will send 100 Bormans (I thouhgt you knew it was Borman and Bormans) to help teach you how to treat Shoobans.

(OOC: Sure, but it'll have to be after I get my sovereignty back.)

(OOC: Sure, but it'll have to be after I get my sovereignty back.)

OOC: Fine.

bump

Is that a BUMP on your head?

*Smacks with frying pan, on head*

bump

bump?

OOC: Your Shoobans are treated too nice. :p

OOC: Your Shoobans are treated too nice. :p

OOC: As I said.

OOC: Your Shoobans are treated too nice. :p

How should they be treated? I want to be as mean to them as possible. :D

How should they be treated? I want to be as mean to them as possible. :D

dehumanize them, kill their kids and make them eat the bodies. Then toss a few into pits of lions. Punishment should be whipping or torture.

dehumanize them, kill their kids and make them eat the bodies. Then toss a few into pits of lions. Punishment should be whipping or torture.

Sounds perfect! Thanks. :p

*Cackles sadistically*

Sounds perfect! Thanks. :p

*Cackles sadistically*

OOC: You can do so much more.

Parthia, please check TGs.

RB deleted his post so I'll delete this

That's ok. But you could do more, like stuff that can't be said aloud (OOC: Posted).

Have you conducted any studies comparing the shooban with the common negro? I see a lot of similarities between the two.

Czar Sam Fabus

Have you conducted any studies comparing the shooban with the common negro? I see a lot of similarities between the two.

Czar Sam Fabus

(OOC: I hope that post was 100% IC.)

IC:

No, Shoobans are vaguely humanoid, but, whether you look at it from a scientific, political, religious, sociological, or whatever, viewpoint, they are not humans.

(OOC: I hope that post was 100% IC.)

IC:

No, Shoobans are vaguely humanoid, but, whether you look at it from a scientific, political, religious, sociological, or whatever, viewpoint, they are not humans.

If you look at it from a phcyotic...or a special...well...You are right, no matter how you look at it they are not humans.

(OOC: I hope that post was 100% IC.)

IC:

No, Shoobans are vaguely humanoid, but, whether you look at it from a scientific, political, religious, sociological, or whatever, viewpoint, they are not humans.


Could I please have some, so that I can go hunting for them?

Czar Sam Fabus

OOC: It was 100% IC.

Could I please have some, so that I can go hunting for them?

Czar Sam Fabus

OOC: It was 100% IC.

IC: Yes, of course, by all means. Hunting Shoobans is quite fun. I'll send you 56,741 right away.

(OOC: Thanks. I thought so, but I just wanted to make sure.)

I'll send you 56,741 right away.

OOC: What a random number.

IC: Yes, of course, by all means. Hunting Shoobans is quite fun. I'll send you 56,741 right away.



Thank you. What is their native territory? I'd like to have a wild population that can be hunted for enjoyment, like game animals, like elephants, deer, and wooly mammoths.

Czar Sam Fabus


P.S. I will be announcing something related to wooly mammoths at a future date, currently we are attempting to clone them, so that they can be hunted in the northern parts of Kahta in Maine, Vermont, and New Hampshire.

Thank you. What is their native territory? I'd like to have a wild population that can be hunted for enjoyment, like game animals, like elephants, deer, and wooly mammoths.

Czar Sam Fabus


P.S. I will be announcing something related to wooly mammoths at a future date, currently we are attempting to clone them, so that they can be hunted in the northern parts of Kahta in Maine, Vermont, and New Hampshire.

They usually live in grasslands or forests.

They usually live in grasslands or forests.

But they hail from Shoobooshaaba. If you would like some land on Shoobooshaaba you should contact Grenval, Who has a small military base on somethign liek 100 by 100 acres, or Dracun Imperium, who took all but Parthian's capital on Shoobooshaaba.

How fast do the Shooshoba's reproduce?


Czar Sam Fabus

How fast do the Shooshoba's reproduce?


Czar Sam Fabus

About the same as humans, sometimes a little quicker, sometimes a little slower. However, I have a genetic engineering lab that can create 1,000 full-grown Shooban in as little as ten minutes. They're too stupid to fight, but they make great slaves, provided they understand their orders.

About the same as humans, sometimes a little quicker, sometimes a little slower. However, I have a genetic engineering lab that can create 1,000 full-grown Shooban in as little as ten minutes. They're too stupid to fight, but they make great slaves, provided they understand their orders.

Can these 1,000 then reproduce on their own? Also, could I buy a genetic engineering lab, so that I can make them, and then sell them as slaves? I'd be willing to cut some of the money to you.

Czar Sam Fabus

Can these 1,000 then reproduce on their own? Also, could I buy a genetic engineering lab, so that I can make them, and then sell them as slaves? I'd be willing to cut some of the money to you.

Czar Sam Fabus

We will send 500 engineers and scientists to Kahta to build 4 genetic engineering labs for you, free of charge.

Actually, we have found that special fertility drugs can shorten gestation and make 4-5 children per breed. Too high of a dose can make up to ten, but the mother usually dies, not like we care though.

-Shah Khosru III

Actually, we have found that special fertility drugs can shorten gestation and make 4-5 children per breed. Too high of a dose can make up to ten, but the mother usually dies, not like we care though.

-Shah Khosru III

ROFLMAO!!!! :D

We will send 500 engineers and scientists to Kahta to build 4 genetic engineering labs for you, free of charge.


Thank you very much.

Czar Sam Fabus

OOC: Do you ever go on AIM?

Thank you very much.

Czar Sam Fabus

OOC: Do you ever go on AIM?

(OOC: I can't. The computer at my house has a 'pop-up blocker,' that won't let me use instant messaging. :()

(OOC: I can't. The computer at my house has a 'pop-up blocker,' that won't let me use instant messaging. :()

download it. www.aim.com

or, how about disabling it, or setting the website of aimexpress to the safelist. Or you could use firefox as a browser.

www.firefox.com

Or you could download MSN messenger

OOC: Fix AIM, that way we can talk.

bump

OOC: Did you fix AIM yet?

OOC: Did you fix AIM yet?

(OOC: Working on it. :()

(OOC: Working on it. :()

OOC: Good luck

Bring

Up

My

Post

Have you tried using Shoobans as garden torches? They work great.

-Shah Khosru III

OOC: God I love shoobans, to kill that is.

bump

Vasiliou Bandanaris
Agustinate of International Relations
(from Ajer, Yafor 2)

OOC:Cool, I got a mention. ;) Hilarious stuff, BTW.

OOC:Cool, I got a mention. ;) Hilarious stuff, BTW.

(OOC: Thanks. :p)

I visited Somalia once, and in the native language (Swahili) "shooban" meant "crap".....any relation to the existence (people)?

I visited Somalia once, and in the native language (Swahili) "shooban" meant "crap".....any relation to the existence (people)?

So that's why Demonic Terrorists invented them! How 'bout that RB? There was a method to that crackpot's madness after all.

I visited Somalia once, and in the native language (Swahili) "shooban" meant "crap".....any relation to the existence (people)?

Are you serious!? :eek:

The Eternal Imperium would like to get hold of any amount of Shoobans we can. For..... Awww, heck. Horrific tortures and the like.

Shooban means crap? Hahahahahah

bump

OOC: Eh, is this still alive? tag?