NationStates Jolt Archive

ABN 10:12pm Report


---WE INTERUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU THIS SPECAIL ABN NEWS REPORT---

" Good evening, I am Natalia Sapien reporting from our New Brazil headquartes bringing you this special report. It is 10:12PM on Wednesday February 2nd 2005. ABN has just received information from our affiliate KBN that we are told is of international concern. Here to bring you this report is Ken Bananapeel standing on the outskirts of Silverback home to the Northern Baboon National Labratories where we have just received information of a possible EMPTY QUIVER. Over to you Ken."
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"Thank you Natalia. KBN has just received vital information that a nuclear weapon has just been discovered missing from Northern Baboon National Labratories. The Military has assigned the term EMPTY QUIVER to just such an event. Over the past hour we have seen dozens of Army and Air Force units passing through Silverback heading towards the Lab complex. Overhead a half dozen helicopters with night survailence and radiation detection equipment have been lighting up the sky for the past 30-45 minutes. Although we have received no official word from the Capital I have spoken to several employees from the lab that have eluded to the "possible misplacement" of the GUN-30 weapons system.

I am told the GUN-30 system, codenamed "The Hammer of Glory" has been in developent within the top secret labs over the past 4 years and employs a remote detonation trigger attached to fusion style warhead with a Yeild capability of 20-25 Megatons. I am told the secrecy involved with this particular weapon system lies in it's massive yeild verses extremely small size. Reports I have received indicate that the entire system can fit into a container the size of an empty banana crate.

We are still waiting on an official report from the State Department which we are being told should occur within the next few hours. This has been Ken Bananapeel reporting from outside the Northern Baboon National Labratories, Natalia, back to you."
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Thank you Ken. As Ken mentioned, the state department has indicated they are making preperations for an official Press Statement. ABN will continue to monitor the situation and provide you any further details as they continue to trickle in.

We now return you to "The Wild World of Humans" already in progress.

ABN 11:21 Special Report

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---WE INTERUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU THIS SPECIAL ABN NEWS REPORT---

"Thank you for staying tuned to ABN, I am Natalia Sapien reporting from our New Brazil headquartes bringing you and update to the crisis at the Northern Baboon National Labratories. We have just received word that The State Department is about to go live with a press report that will hopefully shed a bit of light on the reported missing weapons system. Were going live to Ken Bananapeel at the NBNL crisis center where General Vineswinger appears to be preparing to head to the podium. Go ahead Ken"

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"Hello, this is Ken Bananapeel live from the NBNL crisis center outside of Silverback. In a moment General Vineswinger will be addressing the nation hopefully with some information about the suspected loss of the GUN-30 weapons system. In the past few minutes I have been able to obtain a copy of a note found on the premesis of the NBNL. The letterhead is one utilized by the infamous Chip Squad, a high profile terrorist organization commonly known to target nations that have adopted a role of wide spread deforestation. It looks as if General Vineswinger is preparing to speak."

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"Thank you all for being here. I am General Vineswinger, commander of the State Departments International Security and Banana Inspection Administration. As many of you already know we have experienced an EMPTY QUIVER. A single GUN-30 Weapons system has been covertly removed from our possession. Currently the Chimp Squad is claiming responsibility but we have no verification and several attempts to contact the leadership of the organization over the past couple hours have failed.

I am prepared to read a portion of the letter we discovered in the NBNL earlier this evening.

" To all the nations determined to turn our forests to sand and take away our leafy homes we strike you with The Hammer of Glory. We reserve the right to determine our own extinction taking the power back from you. We will turn your sandy wastes to glass with our newly aquired Hammer of Glory"

The letter contains the official stamp of the Chimp Squad.

We are utilizing all resources available to us and are currently opening communications to our fellow nations requesting support in locating the missing weapon.

That is all for now, as soon as we have any further information to share with the citizens of this great nation we will prepare another press statement.

Goodevening."
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"This has been Ken Bananapeel reporting live from the NBNL crisis center were General Vineswinger has just addressed the nation with a prepared press statement. Back to you Natalia."

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"Thank you Ken. Please stay tuned to ABN, your national news station for on the spot updates throughout the night. Now we return you to "Worlds Funniest Humans" already in progress."