NationStates Jolt Archive

Official Memo to all Nations, from the Resi Corporation:

To our esteemed peers in the scientific and national leadership career feilds:

Ever wanted to sell more product to get more cash, but didn't have that good old-time brand recognition? Want to get your idea off the ground and into the markets, but don't have the fancy corporate "connections" that those fatcats at the top have? Well look no further, because here at Resicorp we are on the lookout for the little man with the big idea, and are ready to market your product internationally and make you a millionaire! Yessir, we'll review your product and if we like it we'll make everything you need to get people all over the globe to want it. We'll run ad campaigns, build factories to produce it, all at no expense to you! All you have to do is give us specs for your invention, and we will either buy it off your hands for solid cash, or offer you a sizable and totally negotiable percentage of the profits. You'll own your own island and have twenty supermodel wives before you can say "ca-ching"! All you have to do is let us have a look-see at your idea, and we'll probably accept it into the Resi family of products with a big, fat Resi seal of quality branded on your fabulous invention.

So what do you say? Can WE make a millionaire out of you?

A nervous, aging man in his late fifties and 70's-era glasses walks up clutching a briefcase. "Erm, I have an idea," he stammers.

The idea is a torture apparatus for corporal punishment. A highly expensive, wasteful, but commercially attractive kind. "Let's face it," he wrote (for he's much less timid in writing). "Nobody wants to watch some guy get a needle stuck in him. They want to see ACTION. Blood. Gore. Fire."

The apparatus doesn't involve fire, but it does involve water. The victim is strapped to a set of bars which are firmly attached to the earth and twenty-ton objects or something like that so they won't be moved. Then, a ghastly device is used to hyperaccelerate water at astonishing, mind-crushing speeds nearing Mach 1. To ensure that the person shall be tortured first, a breathing apparatus will be uberly-firmly attached to the victim's head, and oxygen circulated through while the water is completely fleecing the man of all his skin cells, muscles, bones, etc. More exciting than soccer. Of course, lots of things are more exciting than soccer, but that's not the point.

The man hands over some diagrams and laughs nervously. "Heh. Hee."

A nervous, aging man in his late fifties and 70's-era glasses walks up clutching a briefcase. "Erm, I have an idea," he stammers.

The idea is a torture apparatus for corporal punishment. A highly expensive, wasteful, but commercially attractive kind. "Let's face it," he wrote (for he's much less timid in writing). "Nobody wants to watch some guy get a needle stuck in him. They want to see ACTION. Blood. Gore. Fire."

The apparatus doesn't involve fire, but it does involve water. The victim is strapped to a set of bars which are firmly attached to the earth and twenty-ton objects or something like that so they won't be moved. Then, a ghastly device is used to hyperaccelerate water at astonishing, mind-crushing speeds nearing Mach 1. To ensure that the person shall be tortured first, a breathing apparatus will be uberly-firmly attached to the victim's head, and oxygen circulated through while the water is completely fleecing the man of all his skin cells, muscles, bones, etc. More exciting than soccer. Of course, lots of things are more exciting than soccer, but that's not the point.

The man hands over some diagrams and laughs nervously. "Heh. Hee."
The receptionist in the main building of the Resicorp R&D department (which is where submissions were to be either mailed to or handed to in person) looked over the diagrams with a scrutinous eye. She too wore glasses, although hers were of an odd diamond shape, that she adjusted as a subconcous habit while pouring over the blueprints. After a few minutes, she shuffled the papers back into their correct order and looked up at the sheepish man with an air of professionality. She coughed once, twice, apparently going for an air of total distain.
"Sir, we can not at this or any time condone the sale or use of extreme and painful torture devices as this one on human beings."
She said this with a raised voice, making sure that everyone heard this before leaning in close to the man, looking him in the eye, and lowering her glasses to the tip of her nose.
"However, we can still sell it. Due to PR reasons we can't market it under the Resi label, but we can market it under a subsidiary that appears to be a lot less tied to us than it actually is. Blackwell Machines, Inc. would be happy to feature your rather gruesome product front and center, without us sullying our hands in human rights issues. Now, how did you want to be payed for this?"

[OOC: Don't know, and don't really care how the guy gets paid for it :) How would you suggest? I'll agree with it whether it screws him over or not.]

"Eh...don't know..." the guy mumbled. "Bought off completely? Hang on...let me...call my...lawyer." He reaches into his briefcase and takes out a five-pound vanilla-colored block, punches in some numbers and says meekly, "Hellooo?"

[OOC: Don't know, and don't really care how the guy gets paid for it :) How would you suggest? I'll agree with it whether it screws him over or not.]

"Eh...don't know..." the guy mumbled. "Bought off completely? Hang on...let me...call my...lawyer." He reaches into his briefcase and takes out a five-pound vanilla-colored block, punches in some numbers and says meekly, "Hellooo?"
"Actually," the woman says, reaching out her hand and gently lowering the phone away from his ear, "We'd prefer to pay you up front. Less complications that way, less red tape, and you get more money straight up front. How does trading those old dusty blueprints for $4 million right here sound?"
With that, she winked. She wouldn't have so much as glanced at the man off the job, but the higher-ups were paying her to use "whatever means necessary to seal the deal", and she figured this poor fellow had his share of sexual frustration in his lifetime.

More of a TAP than a BUMP.

A man in a whitelab coat and wild hair strode up to the main desk at ReisCorp "Greetings could you please inform me where I should goto if I have a idea to submit to the Reis Corperation"

A man in a whitelab coat and wild hair strode up to the main desk at ReisCorp "Greetings could you please inform me where I should goto if I have a idea to submit to the Reis Corperation"
The man behind the desk stared blankly at the doctor. Here was a man of so much intelligence who had obviously taken a plane to the Resi Corporation's island instead of going through the expected practice of mailing correspondance in so that he could present his genius idea directly to the R&D department, and yet he didn't know the name of the corporation that currently owned the entire island that he was on?
Maybe he had a tenuous grasp of english, the receptionist thought, and proceeded to talk in big, clear, all-caps words.
"YOU-NEED-TO-GO-TO-THE-RESI-CORP...THAT'S R-E-S-I-C-O-R-P... MAIN-R-AND-D-OFFICE-IN-CENTERAL-RESI-CITY...A-MAG-LEV-LEAVES-FOR-THERE-EVERY-TEN-MINUTES."

To: The Resi Corperation
From: Uniphase Armouries Interversal


Salutations;

In a recent records review, it was brought to light that your company had, some RL months ago, made an inquiry (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=6727647&highlight=resi#post6727647) which later came to regaurd the possibility of joint ventures.

Unfortunatly, our records indicate that negotiations broke down some time after moving to 'telegram' format corispondance, when your company failed to return our representitive's reply after several exchanges.

Now, while the circumstances that led to the initial inquiry may or may not remain true, the posibility of mutually profitible ventures remain, and so I felt inclined to make this follow up, even if it is several centuries belated.

Signed:
Luke Jackson, Corperate Affairs,
Uniphase Armouries Interversal,
Kanuckistan

Having ridden the mag to what the driver told him was the ReisCorp R&D HQ he strode in and went up to the desk. "Is this the ReisCorp R&D HQ where inventors are to submit their ideas? If so then i have some things I think you may like."

Shiro hopped out of his McLaren F1 and made his way up to the main desk. He greeted the person next to him warmly and turned to the receptionist. "Ma'am," he asked, "Who do I see to submit blueprints?"

To: The Resi Corperation
From: Uniphase Armouries Interversal


Salutations;

In a recent records review, it was brought to light that your company had, some RL months ago, made an inquiry (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=6727647&highlight=resi#post6727647) which later came to regaurd the possibility of joint ventures.

Unfortunatly, our records indicate that negotiations broke down some time after moving to 'telegram' format corispondance, when your company failed to return our representitive's reply after several exchanges.

Now, while the circumstances that led to the initial inquiry may or may not remain true, the posibility of mutually profitible ventures remain, and so I felt inclined to make this follow up, even if it is several centuries belated.

Signed:
Luke Jackson, Corperate Affairs,
Uniphase Armouries Interversal,
Kanuckistan
To Luke Jackson, Corporate Affairs, U.A.I., Kanukistan:

Our records detail that midway through the telegram phase between our parties, a third party was found to develop our space technology. However, due to bankruptcy of said third party, we are open to a new developer. Therefore you are quite in luck, and we would like to hear your terms for this relationship, including all of the following:
What you'll be supplying us with (i.e.: all of your space designs, or just some?)
The percentage of the profits you would expect for what you're providing
Any special conditions we or you must meet in this deal

It was a pleasure doing business with you in the past, as we immagine it will be in the future.

CEO Johnathan Tetragammaton
The Resi Corporation

My nation has the industrial capacity to produce all my selling goods, I just need someone to market it on a much higher level. What do you say to that?

Having ridden the mag to what the driver told him was the ReisCorp R&D HQ he strode in and went up to the desk. "Is this the ReisCorp R&D HQ where inventors are to submit their ideas? If so then i have some things I think you may like."
"Sir, this is RESIcorp R&D HQ," the receptionist said cooly, "but we'd be more than happy to listen to your ideas, too."

My nation has the industrial capacity to produce all my selling goods, I just need someone to market it on a much higher level. What do you say to that?
I'd have to know what you're selling first.

Shiro hopped out of his McLaren F1 and made his way up to the main desk. He greeted the person next to him warmly and turned to the receptionist. "Ma'am," he asked, "Who do I see to submit blueprints?"
"That'd be me," the woman in her mid-twenties said with a smile, "What do you have for us today?"

Shiro opened his attache case and handed her a design paper. "This is the TS-22 Tesla." he informed her. " Named after the Russian scientist, Nikolai Telsa, it uses an amped up version of his Tesla Coil. It fires a bolt of electricity that not only does damage to vehicles, but it also short circuits the vehicle. The Coils fire microelectricity, so grounding has little or no effect. The coils are rather heavy, so they would need to be mounted on a heavy tank body, Although I've already incorporated that into the design." he grinned at the receptionist. "So, what do you think? :cool:

Shiro opened his attache case and handed her a design paper. "This is the TS-22 Tesla." he informed her. " Named after the Russian scientist, Nikolai Telsa, it uses an amped up version of his Tesla Coil. It fires a bolt of electricity that not only does damage to vehicles, but it also short circuits the vehicle. The Coils fire microelectricity, so grounding has little or no effect. The coils are rather heavy, so they would need to be mounted on a heavy tank body, Although I've already incorporated that into the design." he grinned at the receptionist. "So, what do you think? :cool:
"I always wondered how to pronounce ':cool:'..." the woman muttered, scanning the blueprints, "Now sir, I see a couple of flaws with this. How do you keep the electricity emitted from the coil from shocking our own troops? Lightening is attracted to the closest object with the highest count of positive ions, so how can you keep a mishap from occuring?"

"So this is the RESIcorp R&D HQ" he muttered with a far off look in his eye " I've got a few ideas I think you may like. This is a list if you which to know more then we talk.

List:
Somatic bomb
Rad bomb
U-clamp
Algorimic shield
Expontial shield
Warp grenade
"IF any of those sound intersting I can provide a greater explanation."

To Luke Jackson, Corporate Affairs, U.A.I., Kanukistan:

Our records detail that midway through the telegram phase between our parties, a third party was found to develop our space technology. However, due to bankruptcy of said third party, we are open to a new developer. Therefore you are quite in luck, and we would like to hear your terms for this relationship, including all of the following:
What you'll be supplying us with (i.e.: all of your space designs, or just some?)
The percentage of the profits you would expect for what you're providing
Any special conditions we or you must meet in this deal

It was a pleasure doing business with you in the past, as we immagine it will be in the future.

CEO Johnathan Tetragammaton
The Resi Corporation


To: Johnathan Tetragammaton, CEO, The Resi Corporation


We are willing to develop products to meet your desired ends, and either manufacture them domesticly and/or provide plans for what aspects you can manufacture yourself.

In addition is the possibility that you could front the export of existing products, particularly those with minimal existing export markets, providing us a more recognised brand.

Profits would be split in accordance with the proportion of investment by each party, including developmental aspects, with actual amounts subject to negotiation on a case by case matter as apropriate.

Conditions would be simple; no designs - developed jointly or not - are to be leaked, given away or sold with authorization from us, or, in the case of jointly developed products, both parties. Jointly developed products reffering to, of course, those incorperating designs and/or technology from each company, and not to items developed by one side to the specifications of the other.


And, in the future, if your company sees fit to discontinue negotiations or partnership, it would be only polite to inform us of such, rather than simply failing to respond.


Signed:
Luke Jackson, Corperate Affairs,
Uniphase Armouries Interversal,
Kanuckistan

"So this is the RESIcorp R&D HQ" he muttered with a far off look in his eye " I've got a few ideas I think you may like. This is a list if you which to know more then we talk.

List:
Somatic bomb
Rad bomb
U-clamp
Algorimic shield
Expontial shield
Warp grenade
"IF any of those sound intersting I can provide a greater explanation."
"All of those sound interesting except for the rad bomb," the receptionst said to the scientist, "Please, tell me more about them."

"Okay, the Somatic bomb utilised a unique sonic output which results in all inside its blast zone to fall asleep for 3 hours. Based on my reserach there is no way to protect form the blast.
The U-clamp uses a proton sharing system to enable it to bind it self to any solid material as long as it is active.
The algorthmic shield utelises a special algorthim which states that the more likely a weapon will damage what the shield is protecting the more power is used to stop it.
The exponetial shield is designed to use the weapon's own power against it. The warp grenade is a highly brutal and deadly weapon, when it explodes it generated a field that when it collapes ,a half second after generation, any thing in the field is gone period." the scientist finished "This is a short description of each of the inventions you asked for."

"I always wondered how to pronounce ':cool:'..." the woman muttered, scanning the blueprints, "Now sir, I see a couple of flaws with this. How do you keep the electricity emitted from the coil from shocking our own troops? Lightening is attracted to the closest object with the highest count of positive ions, so how can you keep a mishap from occuring?"


"Easy. As I said, it isn't like normal electricity. Microelectricity can be directed into a small blast. It isn't attracted to other objects. You see, the tank has two separate coils. One generates positive microelectricity, the other produces negative. Microelectricity is attracted only to itself, but if the bolts are too far from each other, they do not collide. When the bolts hit an enemy, the positive will hit first, then the second. That is what generates the explosion." Shiro stopped to take a breath. "Sorry. Guess I got a little out of hand. My R&D team has experimented with this idea. It works. Believe me. Just as long as nobody is fixing the coil when it fires, it'll work." Shiro cringed, remembering the unlucky mechanic. "So, any more questions?"

Resi? It's been a hell of a while.

PINKY AND THE BRAIN!!! YES!!! Is that still on? :D

PINKY AND THE BRAIN!!! YES!!! Is that still on? :D

It's shown on boomerang, a channel of Cartoon network.

[/hijack]

Snap! Thanks. I really miss that show. I'll have to find boomerang.

bump

Hey Resi! You still here? :confused:

What the hell happened? Where is everybody. It's been a month since anybody else posted on here...

A man in an expensive looking suit wearing sunglasses through which two glowing dots can be seen walks in. His voice sounds hollow, and mechanical.
"We have engineered a nano-virus.A highly effective, very virulent one.But nobody wants to buy it with a standard:'kill your enemies horribly' ad campaign.The virus enters the body and overwhelms the nervous system, and heads for the brain, replicating on the way. Once it reaches the brain, it begins to 'eat' it, and replicates uncontrollably, eventually consuming the host, within 72 hours.We have many different uses for nanites, they are our primary weapon currently.We would also be willing to tell you some of our ideas for them."

I think Resi just up and left. It's been over a month since he posted... :confused:

I think Resi just up and left. It's been over a month since he posted... :confused:

No, he's made ~10 posts so far today alone in other threads. Click his name and do a search for more posts by him.

Yeah, but why hasn't he posted in his own storefront?