NationStates Jolt Archive

Evil Woody News Network
"The election returns are finally in, and the Ubernationalist party has won in a landslide. Prime Minister Woody II has been voted out of office, and it appears that this country is turning away from its more liberal traditions. His replacement, Prime Minister-elect Whitfield, carried a most impressive 63.1% of the vote, and he has pledged to reunite the various Woodian splinter territories (ooc: puppets :D ). Jacob Whitfield has had a colorful history in the Parliament, where he until recently was regarded as a crackpot for his belief that Evil Woody Thoughts should militarize to become the preeminent regional power. He was the MP who first proposed militarizing Evil Woody Thoughts' technical expertise in geology into a completely new kind of WMD, the earthquake ICBM (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=381422). During his recent chairmanship of the Armed Services Committee and his recent membership on the Appropriations committee, the national defense budget increased sixfold. He is widely regarded as the most jingoistic MP in national history.

Speaking of Parliament, the Ubernationalist Party also swept the Parliamentary elections, picking up 34 seats to give it 69 seats in the 100 seat Parliament. The Hippie Party sufferred the greatest losses, dropping from 55 seats to 10, the Green party picked up a seat, going from 10 seats to 11, and the Capitalizt Party retained its 10 seats. Political pundits expect Evil Woody Thoughts' foreign policy to undergo massive changes as a result of this upheaval. Prime Minister-elect Whitfield will be inaugurated tomorrow at noon. We now go to a commercial break."

ooc: the real fun starts with the inauguration, will post that later.

The USN is watching closely, but isn't capable of much at the moment. If anything happens, we will be quick to respond. We hope for the best for the new government, but are wary.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. We are gathered here today to initiate the largest changes that the government of Evil Woody Thoughts has ever seen. In the next six months, we will go from being a liberal, hippie, commie, pussy nation to one that is actually respected in the international community.

For too long, we have sat idly by as our provinces secede from us, as the international community laughs at us for tolerating rebellion and insurrection. No more. The age of appeasement has ended. The age of a strong national defense is beginning. We will reunite the rogue Woodian provinces under our banner, through blood and iron. We will drive the machine of war through our region of Shagatopia, and overrun our rogue territories. When we are finished, we will be the regional power, and if our neighbors do not appease us, we will drive the machine of war through them, too.

It will begin in teh Condiliar Empire (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=display_nation/nation=teh_condiliar_empire). Recently they seceded without even bothering to give a reason, and what did the government of Evil Woody Thoughts do about it? They cut them loose! The time has come to reclaim what is ours. The war machine that I worked so hard to build up in Parliament, in the face of out-of-touch Hippie opposition, will march on them. Tonight."

"TO WAR!"

*spectators repeat "TO WAR!"*

"TO WAR!"

*spectators repeat "TO WAR!" but more loudly this time*

"TO WAR!"

*spectators get whipped up in a patriotic frenzy and start chanting "TO WAR!" over and over again*

"I would like to call Admiral Douglass, our glorious Chief of Staff, up here."

*Admiral Douglass strides up to podium*

"Tonight, the armies of Evil Woody Thoughts shall march on Teh Condiliar Empire. Leave no opposition alive!"

*crowd chants*

"TO WAR!"
"TO WAR!"
"TO WAR!"
"TO WAR!"
"TO WAR!"
"TO WAR!"
"TO WAR!"
"TO WAR!"

(and so on, for about fifteen minutes.)

OOC: Evil Woody Thoughts shares a land border with teh Condiliar Empire. If you want a more interesting RP, you can volunteer to take in refugees because I have plans :D

Great Stalin's Ghost! This is not good. We will take on refugees right away!

Teh $upreme Condiliar sat in her mansion watching the inauguration. It was true that she had bought up so many of Evil Woody Thoughts' industries that when the government refused to fork over subsidies, she just bought out an entire city, Evil Woodytowne, and announced secession. But it looked like the business tycoon-turned-$upreme Ruler was about to change drastically, if not end completely. She especially didn't like that "Leave no opposition alive" comment at the end...

She called her own Chief of Staff, General Suskind, and her intelligence chief, and arranged for an emergency meeting within the hour. If the new Prime Minister's speech was any indication, he had used his influence as an MP to mobilize Evil Woody Thoughts' army long before his coronation...er, inauguration.

General Suskind and Intelligence Chief Grunberger showed up at the $upreme Condiliar's mansion within a half an hour, the latter with what little reports he had managed to scrounge together on such short notice. They were led into the mansion by armed guards.

Teh $upreme Condiliar frantically motioned towards her television, still on and still recapping Prime Minister Whitfield's bellicose address. She was too stunned to speak, until finally she managed, "How long will it take to mobilize the National Guard?"

General Suskind answered, "Unfortunately, we don't have time for a full mobilization. It would take three days, and yet they will be across our border by nightfall. We cannot hold them long enough. We will be overrun--our best hope for staying alive will be for the three of us to get the hell out in the five or six hours we have left."

Intelligence Chief Grunberger handed over the reports he had brought with him and said simply, "As you might have surmised, their army is already fully mobilized. They can be across our border in two hours, they will likely take the airport in eight, and set foot in this mansion within twelve. I concur that we have no choice to leave--and if we simply surrender, we will be executed for treason."

Finally, Teh $upreme Condiliar found the courage to speak up once more. "General Suskind, mobilize whatever you can in the next three hours. I also want Teh $upreme Corporate Jet gassed up and ready to get the hell outta here."

A full regiment of Red Guard is standing by to aid Teh $upreme Condiliar on request. We hope for the best in this dark time for your nation.

Takesha Unger sat watching the news with her three-year old daughter. OMG, we have to get out of the country, she thought. Her father was very rich; maybe he could buy three last-minute plane tickets to this UnitedSocialistsNation country that was offering asylum and to safety. But then again, her father was an ubercapitalizt, who seldom had compassion for anyone. Nevertheless, she thought it was worth a try; she only had her life to lose.

Takesha fumbled with the buttons on the phone as she was so nervous, she had to try four times to get the number right. Her father answered on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Dad, it's me. You're gonna hate me for this, but I need to get my daughter and me out of the country, did you hear about the war? It's not safe for my baby here 'cause I can't get more than five miles away from a military installation of some sort..."

"But you don't have the necessary documentation. A passport takes more than a few hours to get." There was a hint of anger in the father's voice; he hated it when anyone made a request of him. He didn't make his small fortune by giving away handouts, after all.

"No, Dad, you don't understand. UnitedSocialistsNation is accepting refugees. I need to get there."

"You want me to get you to a socialist nation? What the hell is wrong with you? You want to live under oppression, tyranny, and poverty for the rest of your life?"

"Better that than dead..."

In midsentence, an explosion rocked the next block. It was audible over the phone, and scared the shit out of all involved. The baby started crying.

"Takesha? Are you still there? I'll get you a couple of plane tickets, and I might just come along..."

"Yeah, I'm still here...really? You mean it?" Her father never gave anything to anybody.

"Throw all you can in your suitcase. There isn't time enough to really pack it, just toss it in there. I'll be there in twenty minutes." He looked at his airline timetable for a couple of minutes..."There's a flight that leaves in two hours. I'll book tickets on my cell phone on my way to pick you up. Hang on."

30 divisions, including 12 armored and 8 motorized are ready to assist Evil Woody in uniting his area. (about 430,000 men)

Ready to go anywhere, anytime, anyhow.

A full regiment of Red Guard is standing by to aid Teh $upreme Condiliar on request. We hope for the best in this dark time for your nation.

"How soon can it get here? We would like any assistance we could find, but we'll be overrun in a few hours. Logistically, you probably don't have time to deploy here."

Teh $upreme Condiliar

We cannot get there in time to stop the invasion, but we can hopefully get to a part of the nation and try to hold it. My troops are trained very well and can hopefully hold off a larger force with their weapons, with support from whatever you can get together. 2 regiments are moving full speed to the far coast of your nation. I hope we get there in time. Try to hold as long as possible. We have our soldiers on standby, ready to move... the 3rd and 5th Red Guard are coming to your aid...

We have little chance to hold against the 30 divisions of the enemies allies, never mind the main force. We are still coming, just make sure we have some reinforcements...

Upon receiving his deployment orders, Admiral Douglass took a helicopter to his flagship, the Guillen class dreadnought Indomnitable to oversee the naval support operations. The army would be deploying to the national border very shortly.

By the time he landed on the Indomnitable, the battle group was already within long-range bombardment range of Evil Woodytowne. Admiral Douglass personally relished giving the order to fire the first shots of the war.

And with that, the Indomnitable fired its massive thirty-inch rail guns at Evil Woodytowne, and the five destroyers and three cruisers in the battle group also launched a volley of 100 Tomahawk missles. Mmmm...bloodlust.

Douglass gave the order for the carrier EWT $pitball to launch F-22s for air cover, though it probably wasn't needed. More than likely, those fighters could simply conduct strafing runs on civilians to inspire terror and fear. Douglass ordered all units to "fire at any targets of oppurtunity."

Then Admiral Douglass instructed General Hagen, Commandant of the Army, to concentrate on taking the airport, the most strategic target within Teh Condiliar Empire. 900,000 soldiers had already received moblilization notices before the inaugural ceremonies...
--------------------------------------------------------
Official Statement from Prime Minister Whitfield

"Lame Bums, we appreciate your offers of assistance in reuniting our rogue territories. We will likely have wiped Teh Condiliar Empire off the map before your units deploy, but Teh Condiliar Empire is only the first rogue territory to unite. Your units may yet see action."

Teh $upreme Condiliar turned to Intelligence Chief Grunberger and asked, "How soon can the assistance from UnitedSocialistsNation get here?"

Grunberger called satellite ops and asked them for the location of UnitedSocialistsNation's fleet. The news he got was grim--they were still a few hundred miles away and Evil Woody Thoughts' navy was already here. Well, that would explain the large explosions, he thought to himself. He relayed the news that UnitedSocialistsNation would take at least fifteen hours to get to Teh Condiliar Empire to Teh $upreme Condiliar.

Teh $upreme Condiliar told her advisors, "We must leave, as soon as I send UnitedSocialistsNation a message..."

She walked into the comm room and started typing in Morse code...

TO UNITEDSOCIALISTSNATION

THX FOR YOUR SUPPORT. WE CANNOT HOLD THEM. ABORT MISSION. WE WILL LEAVE THE
COUNTRY. REQUEST PERMISSION TO LIVE IN EXILE IN YOUR COUNTRY.

TEH $UPREME CONDILIAR

The three of them then gathered what belongings they could and proceeded outside to the waiting motorcade. As the motorcade pulled away, a cruise missile hit Teh $upreme Condiliar's mansion. They had left just in time.

Upon arriving at the airport, Teh $upreme Condiliar found Teh $upreme Corporate Jet fueled up, stocked with supplies and ready to go. Teh $upreme Condiliar and her advisors quickly boarded the plane. In a few minutes, it taxied to a runway where it was given immediate clearance for departure. They took off without a flight plan, as they had no idea where they were going until UnitedSocialistsNation approved or denied the exile request.

Alert from BOXNews:

Hello this is Little Jo, reporting on this BOX News alert. President Carville is about to make a speech on national security. We expect to go live in 3...2...1...

-Live: Senate House, Vvardenfell City-

(mad cheers as President Jimmy Carville steps in, followed by his Vice President, his Chief of Staff, the Minister of Offense, and the National Security Advisor.)

Carville:

Good evening. A few hours ago, Evil Woody declared war on the secessionist state of Teh Condillar Empire. There is a moral obligation to wipe all socialist and communist states from this earth.

(mixed cheers, some heckling from angry Social Democrats)

As such, I have directed that the Schutzvaterland (elite national guard) be placed on full alert, all armed forces will be mobilized, and I propose a national conscription to bring about the end of leftism. I propose an increase in the armed forces from it's current 3.2 million to 12 million so we can face the new threats of these socialists.

I will take any refusal as a statement of opposition. Gentlemen, you must decide: Whether it be peace - or war!

(all 90 National Republican senators stand, of total 200 senators.)

Right wing, right wing above the rest!
Above the rest now and ever!
We fight for a free world today
And no liberal will stand in our way
We will triumph when we do not fail
And we will not fail anymore...

(The song is quickly clouded out by a brawl started between the far left Social Democrats and the far right National Alliance.)

Vice President Richard Bushton: (banging hammer) Order!! Order!!

Little Jo: It seems as if the National Republicans started their victory song again and then suddenly both sides began having at each other. There - a beer mug. And a chair leg. Ow, that's gotta hurt he was just whacked in the head!

(40+ senators stand up from the pile, chanting something indistinguisable over the pandemonium reigning in the Senate House.)

Over time a collective outcry as the Leftists are subdued (being only 1/3 the Rightists number) is recgonized:

War! War! War!

War!
War!
War!
War!
War!

President Carville: I now ask of you, gentlemen: Do you approve the current bill to increase the military?

(approximately 120 senators roar their approval, or enough to pass the bill)

-BOX News Room, Anequina City-
Little Jo: Well it seems that a brawl broke out on the Senate floor but nevertheless the bill passed. Anyways this is Little Jo from BOX News, good night.

(crappy theme song)

OOC: Continuing this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8044414&postcount=8) mini-rp...

IC: Takesha's father pulled up to Takesha's residence and honked his horn, surveying the smoking crater on the other side of the street. Takesha came running out, pulling a roller suitcase with one hand and carrying her daughter with the other. And they watched cruise missiles land on seemingly random buildings, turning them into nothing more than large fireballs, as the party rushed to the airport to catch their escape.

While they were on the freeway, one of the F-22's circling overhead swooped down and started strafing the motorists. The father swerved and nearly went off the road. Needless to say, he got off the freeway at the first exit so as not to draw attention to himself.

When mother, grandfather, and baby arrived at the airport, they found their flight had been delayed two hours because the air raids had thrown Air Traffic Control into a complete disaster. Takesha let out a prayer that they could leave before the hordes of Evil Woody Thoughts arrived.

Evil Woody News Network
"The election returns are finally in, and the Ubernationalist party has won in a landslide. Prime Minister Woody II has been voted out of office, and it appears that this country is turning away from its more liberal traditions. His replacement, Prime Minister-elect Whitfield, carried a most impressive 63.1% of the vote, and he has pledged to reunite the various Woodian splinter territories (ooc: puppets :D ). Jacob Whitfield has had a colorful history in the Parliament, where he until recently was regarded as a crackpot for his belief that Evil Woody Thoughts should militarize to become the preeminent regional power. He was the MP who first proposed militarizing Evil Woody Thoughts' technical expertise in geology into a completely new kind of WMD, the earthquake ICBM (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=381422). During his recent chairmanship of the Armed Services Committee and his recent membership on the Appropriations committee, the national defense budget increased sixfold. He is widely regarded as the most jingoistic MP in national history.

Speaking of Parliament, the Ubernationalist Party also swept the Parliamentary elections, picking up 34 seats to give it 69 seats in the 100 seat Parliament. The Hippie Party sufferred the greatest losses, dropping from 55 seats to 10, the Green party picked up a seat, going from 10 seats to 11, and the Capitalizt Party retained its 10 seats. Political pundits expect Evil Woody Thoughts' foreign policy to undergo massive changes as a result of this upheaval. Prime Minister-elect Whitfield will be inaugurated tomorrow at noon. We now go to a commercial break."

ooc: the real fun starts with the inauguration, will post that later.

Easy, killer, or I'll have to raise your insurance premiums...

Liberal Robenian News Network
We go live to New Robenia where President Robert Bettis is speaking on behalf of the conflict...

"Good evening everyone. Just hours ago, an anarchist government by the title of Evil Woody declared war on a peaceful nation, The Jingoistic States of Teh Condiliar Empire. I regret to say that this anarchist nation has looked at all liberal nations as weak. I say to you, people of Robenia, to stand up with me as I say that we know we are not weak.

"Just a few minutes ago I spoke to congress, where an overwhelming majority passed a declaration of war against Evil Woody. We will fight until the end! We will fight for freedom! We will fight for out right! WE WILL FIGHT, UNTIL THERE IS NO FIGHT, WE WILL FIGHT UNTIL THE END!!"

"I SAY TO YOU FELLOW ROBENIANS, WE WILL FIGHT FOR FREEDOM!!!"

Liberal Robenian News Network
We go live to New Robenia where President Robert Bettis is speaking on behalf of the conflict...

"Good evening everyone. Just hours ago, an anarchist government by the title of Evil Woody declared war on a peaceful nation, The Jingoistic States of Teh Condiliar Empire. I regret to say that this anarchist nation has looked at all liberal nations as weak. I say to you, people of Robenia, to stand up with me as I say that we know we are not weak.

"Just a few minutes ago I spoke to congress, where an overwhelming majority passed a declaration of war against Evil Woody. We will fight until the end! We will fight for freedom! We will fight for out right! WE WILL FIGHT, UNTIL THERE IS NO FIGHT, WE WILL FIGHT UNTIL THE END!!"

"I SAY TO YOU FELLOW ROBENIANS, WE WILL FIGHT FOR FREEDOM!!!"

OOC: My national description was accurate until this election blew it all to hell. Electing a neofascist is gonna change that really quickly. Moreover, Teh Condiliar Empire did declare war on another nation in my region, but that nation went inactive, so said war couldn't be RPed. Not exactly peaceful. And it's Evil Woody Thoughts, not just Evil Woody. :rolleyes:

IC:

Official Response from Prime Minister Whitfield

"Your insignificant nation isn't even worth the resources it would take to invade it. We seek only to reunify the Woodian states. You can keep to yourselves for all I care, but if you try to invade us, we will show you no mercy."

(OOC: descriptions of geography agreed upon by all involved parties)

IC: It had been seven hours since Prime Minister Whitfield had declared that the armies of Evil Woody Thoughts would march on Teh Condiliar Empire. If it could even remotely be considered an "empire;" it was more like a city state. But it would soon become the newest province of The Evil Hippie Empire of Evil Woody Thoughts anyway, and even Evil Woody Thoughts could now stand to discard the word 'hippie' from its name.

During those seven hours, the forces of Evil Woody Thoughts gathered along the Red Plain, so named because the topsoil had a reddish tinge to it because of high concentrations of iron. The plain on the other side of the border would soon be red with blood. General Hagen ascended one of the watchtowers on Al-Woodia Military Base, and peered across the plain, across the undefended border. Any defenses that Teh Condiliar Empire had were in Evil Woodytowne--it would have been foolish for them to deploy much on the border, lest the 4,000 tanks gathered tear the defenses apart.

The outskirts of Evil Woodytowne lay only fifteen miles away. General Hagen then turned around and looked down upon the military base complex, teeming with formations of soldiers, and an assortment of 4,000 M2 Abrams tanks and Bradley fighting vehicles. Of course, there were a few thousand lighter supply vehicles and Humvees to boot, but supply lines would be really short during this quickie war anyway.

900,000 troops had gathered here. Of these, only about 150,000 were combatants; the rest were here to deal with various logistical issues, and would set up supply lines for the occupation once Teh Condiliar Empire had been secured. There was a palpable excitement in the air, as rumor had reached the soldiers' ears that Teh $upreme Condiliar, that evil usurper of hippie pacifism, had fled the country.

General Hagan flipped a switch that activated speakers throughout the military base, and picked up a mike. It was time to address the troops.

"As the sun sets on this military base, it also sets on the purported 'sovereignty' of the former Condiliar Empire. Tonight, Teh Condiliar Empire shall be reunited with its Fatherland. And we shall set an example for those fringe secessionists, as well as for all those who oppose us.

Tonight, you shall drive the machine of war across the Red Plain and into the heart of Evil Woodytowne. Capture the airport and slay all who have not yet left, as they dare not flee from the unification of the Fatherland. Victory is at hand! Leave no opposition alive!

TO WAR!

TO WAR!

TO WAR!"

At which point, 900,000 voices chanted that eerie cadence.

Within the hour, the first tanks, followed by about 150,000 combatants in armor and lighter vehicles, rolled across the border. The age of whiny pacifist idealism was over. The age of Woodian regional dominion had begun.

Teh Condiliar Empire fell into chaos as Evil Woody Thoughts' war machine swept across the plain and entered the exurbs (ooc: for those who don't know, an exurb is basically a suburb that is really spread out and the size of a small city). Tanks roamed freely across the countryside, shooting at anything that moved. Civilians that tried to flee were mowed down by machine gun fire.

With the commanders somewhere over the Atlantic, on their way to exile, Teh Condiliar Empire's ground forces were utterly disorganized. A few brave soldiers sniped at unarmored Humvees whenever they could, and those few brave enough to look at tanks in the eye, with no leadership and no hope, utilized RPGs, the best AT weapons available to Teh Condiliar Empire's soldiers. With the commanders, so went keys to the armories. Their departure had abandoned the mostly conscripted soldiers, as well as fourteen million people, to the merciless, bloodthirsty rage of Evil Woody Thoughts, whose leader every hour seemed more and more psychotic.

Most of the conscripts in the National Guard simply laid down their arms. However, those that surrendered to Evil Woody Thoughts were shot, purportedly for their "insolence." Those that went home seemed to be the lucky ones, as Evil Woody Thoughts had bigger fish to fry.

The tanks rolled towards the airport, continuing to shoot at civilians and generally spreading random mayhem and terror. Parents were picked off by passing Humvees in plain sight of their children; likewise parents also had to watch their children get gunned down by bloodthirsty warmongerers chanting "BURN MOTHERF***ER BURN!"

When they reached the airport at about 10:30, the heavier tanks fired at the control tower until it came down. That would theoretically prevent any outgoing flights, and then bystanders watched in horror as those same tanks fired into the main terminal.

Armored personnel carriers disgorged their cargoes at what was left of the terminal entrance. Hundreds of troops opened fire on people trying to check in for flights that now had to be cancelled. A few people ran towards the gate areas, where they would soon be trapped. The security guards, seeing that they were running for their lives, did nothing to search them.

In this chaos, at gate B7, the gate where the flight to UnitedSocialistsNation had been scheduled to depart, the gate where Takesha held her daughter as if it would be the last time she ever saw her, the gate agent decided to begin the boarding process. Even if the plane sat on the runway, it was still better than the 250 passengers and refugees getting shot at here.

Soon, the soldiers ran out of targets in the check-in areas, so they eliminated the security guards. The hordes then passed security, shooting those attempting to flee.

The gate agent at B7 told passengers to leave bulky luggage and get on the plane as quickly as possible. Takesha, her grandfather, and her baby were one of the first ones on. Boarding was complete in twelve minutes.

The flight attendants shut the aircraft door just when a group of soldiers approached B7. The agent "pulled the jetbridge" (i.e. retracted it from the aircraft for those of you not familiar with airport jargon) as quickly as she could, and the plane pushed back.

The soldiers demanded access to the aircraft, and the gate agent refused, saying it had already departed and there was nothing she could do. Of course, she had made sure it departed herself. For this, she was shot, and exchanged her life for the lives of the refugees on the aircraft...

The captain of the aircraft did not wait for ground clearance. There was none to be given without a control tower. He started the engines, and as soon as they warmed up, he taxied the hell out of there. Nor did he, nor could he, wait for takeoff clearance; he just took off, evacuating the sole planeload of refugees able to escape after the invasion...

And so was the Massacre of Evil Woodytowne International Airport. By sunrise, approximately 1,300,000 lay dead (across the city, not just at the airport), and the rising sun made clearly visible clouds of smoke wafting up from devastated buildings all over the city. Teh Condiliar Empire was no more. Only the smoking hulk of a ruined city remained, to be occupied by darkness.

At midnight, an oil tanker, floating innocently towards the mainland, watched the flashes from the shore.
"Comrade, it is not looking good, is it?" On man, standing at the ship, asked.
No, comrade. Why are we even here? What chance does 2 regiments have to fight these men? It is not our war." The other replied.

Five minutes later, the boat grinded ashore and the 3rd and 5th Red Guard of United Socialists Nation piled out and moved inland towards the nearby city they had seen being pounded from the shore. Perhaps they could save it...

To: Evil Woody thoughts


We are glad to see this change in government, you have are respect. You might be interested in joining some of the anti-Communist alliances Mississippi has formed.

May your nation prosper

Sincerely,
~King Jedo~
King of Moronyicka

OOC:TAG! IC Post MIGHT come later.

At midnight, an oil tanker, floating innocently towards the mainland, watched the flashes from the shore.
"Comrade, it is not looking good, is it?" On man, standing at the ship, asked.
No, comrade. Why are we even here? What chance does 2 regiments have to fight these men? It is not our war." The other replied.

Five minutes later, the boat grinded ashore and the 3rd and 5th Red Guard of United Socialists Nation piled out and moved inland towards the nearby city they had seen being pounded from the shore. Perhaps they could save it...

OOC: We had some naval units (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=8044570&postcount=13) in the area; you should have given them a chance to intercept you. But I'll let that slide for now...

IC: A scout told General Hagan that UnitedSocialistsNation had landed a small expeditionary force on the north beach. Upon hearing this, General Hagan called up Admiral Douglass and requested a naval bombardment of the area where the bastards had landed. Of course, Admiral Douglass was more than happy to comply, as he did have standing orders to "leave no opposition alive" after all.

The five destroyers and three cruisers fired 300 Tomahawk cruise missiles at UnitedSocialistsNation's positions, which would probably throw the flank into chaos until ground units could dispose of the threat.

Meanwhile, General Hagan ordered the closest flank of 20,000 soldiers to the beach to finish the threat off, and legions of tanks (about 1,000 of them) rumbled toward the beaches. They would be there in ten minutes, and had orders to take no prisoners.

Well, you got me. 2200 soldier don't stand much of a chance...

Office of the President
69 King Avenue
Vvardenfell City

To Evil Woody Thoughts:

In order to face the threats of the new century, our senate has passed (after some disturbance) a bill to quadruple the military. The new recruits are already in training.

First, we seek a military an economic alliance, one which can only be broken with the agreement of both or a declaration of war.

Second, we are ready to move on any left-wing nation that is an enemy of either of us. Hell, we could pay you off to let us take them out. People in Lame Bums these days are sick and tired of hippie pacifism. If you go to war with a right-wing nation, we cannot support you, regardless.

Active army divisions: 52 (soon to be 204) (first 740k, soon to be over 3 million)
Reserves: 12 (soon to be 48)
Schutz Vaterland: 40

Navy is totaled at six thousand ships, a third of which are combat and all fo which are armed to some extent.

The Marine Corps has 16 divisions, soon to be expanded to 64.

Supply and other functions are not factored in here, they number about twice that of combat. Projected army size after new quota are fulfilled is 13.2 million.

We are willing to commit up to 40 divisions in the mutual defense of the right wing.

January 27,
Signed Jimmy Carville.

My turn to bump and keep this alive. :p

Dear allies
The USN accepts anyone fleeing to our country, and will allow your government to live in exile here. We are raising our strength in military terms as well. Any forces you have remaining should head here ASAP. Also, we lost our 3rd and 5th Red Guard Regiments in the country, and would like to know any information about any survivors, or the regiments Colours. We hope you can get here soon...

@UnitedSocialistsNation: We found two standards in the wreckage of the battlefield. Would they by any chance be yours? We can give them back for a small fee.

-General Bob Patton, 2nd Army Corps

They would be. We take pride in our standards and would like them back. We are glad to see that some nations still respect the rules of war. I also must ask, did any of our soldiers survive? We assume that a nation like yourself would take prisoners.
Awaiting news,
Great Comrade Alexi

Well, you got me. 2200 soldier don't stand much of a chance...

OOC: I'll take that as a surrender...

IC: When the UnitedSocialistsNation expeditionary force came upon the beaches of Evil Woodytowne, they soon saw the power of the rising Evil Woody Thoughts war machine. In chaos from the bombardment, and outnumbered 10 to 1, they surrendered...

General Hagel ordered his men to disarm UnitedSocialistsNation's soldiers. After this disarmament, the prisoners were lined up. Evil Woody Thoughts soldiers took great pleasure in shooting them in the head, one by one.

A NEW POWER IS RISING.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v115/chair094/eyeofsauron.bmp

As teh Condiliar Empire did not resist, who now is strong enough to resist the rising power of Evil Woody Thoughts?

All the nations in Shagatopia are weak...one by one they shall fall. Now, the attention of Evil Woody Thoughts is drawn to Woody Industries, the original secessionist state. The fires of industry shall burn, and serve as the fuel for the rising war machine of Evil Woody Thoughts. We have only to destroy those who oppose us.

Woody Industries is weak; yet all the other nations of Shagatopia are even weaker. When Woody Industries falls, who will dare resist us?

OOC (again): Lame Bums, I'll post a counterproposal later as this is my first foray at anything other than isolationalism, and my nation would be generally uncomfortable with such a long-term proposal. Namely, I wouldn't want to have to declare war to break it.

Shooting prisoners! That is an illegal act! Our soldiers were not traitors to your country, they were outside forces! Nations of the world, can you let this nation countinue it's ways!

Lame Bums, we are willing to pay anything for those standards. Please, they mean a great deal to the honour of our country!

@UnitedSocialistsNation: We found only one survivor. He hid under one of the destroyed landing craft. We usually take prisoners, often to get information but then are often ransomed.

The soldier died shortly after we found him but his last words were "avenge our deaths. . .stop the criminals. . .tell my two sons I love them. . ." We did not even find out his name.

We can give the two standards back for a small fee, probably $100k each would be good.

OOC: Should I simplify the proposal?

Our demands:
Alliance
Military Access
Trade Rights

Our offers:
Alliance
Trade Rights
Attack any secessionist state

We agree to the terms. We will also pay for the standards. The money ahs been wired. We also thank you for being a kind enemy, and hope we will be good friends.

Two standards sent by helicopter an hour ago. Expect them in about three NS hours. (about 2 RL minutes)

By the way, for the most part we do follow some basic rules of war. We *try* to not bomb civilians or execute prisoners. There are occasional exceptions but for the most part we try to make money. (Ransom) Exceptions include Communists, terrorists, and whose who have violated basic condust in war against us.

Occasionally a "take no prisoners" order is given, but it was most recently used against terrorists.

A basic conduct in our books is to give surrendered enemy quarter but to go to any means to get information. We give them adequate rations and will ransom them off for reasonable prices. Again we are after anything that makes money. Bombing of holy shries and public places such as schools is completely fine if the enemy is holed up in them.

Just a few basic rules I follow because I have some political ambition later.

-General Bob Patton, 2nd Army Corps

Thank you.

Bumpy bump.

Office of the President
69 King Avenue
Vvardenfell City

To whom it may concern:

We are ready to mobilize 40 fully trained and equipped divisions to the Evil Woody Thoughts/Woody Industries border. This includes 12 armored and 12 fully motorized divisions, capable of making 100 miles a day on the ground. That includes refueling and basic repairs. They are backed up with mobile artillery and round-the-clock air patrols.

We need only the approval of Evil Woody Thoughts to move to the border between the two nations.

January 27
President Jimmy Carville

Dear allies
The USN accepts anyone fleeing to our country, and will allow your government to live in exile here. We are raising our strength in military terms as well. Any forces you have remaining should head here ASAP. Also, we lost our 3rd and 5th Red Guard Regiments in the country, and would like to know any information about any survivors, or the regiments Colours. We hope you can get here soon...

Teh $upreme Corporate Jet flew toward the UnitedSocialistsNation, the crew not knowing if they would be allowed to land or made to turn back. Until, about six hours into the flight, the captain received a transmission: "The USN accepts anyone fleeing to our country, and will allow your government to live in exile here..." The captain relayed this news to Teh $upreme Condiliar immediately, as well as the news about...what became of the airport.

When Teh $upreme Condiliar heard about the Massacre of Evil Woodytowne International Airport, she was deeply shamed. Yes, she had sold out before. She had sold out to the devil before. But she had never sold out human life before.

For the rest of her life, she would suffer in silence.

Meanwhile, as the flight of refugees reached cruising altitude, the captain of Condiliar Airlines flight 791, the last flight to leave Teh Condiliar Empire, received the same transmission. And when he announced the news to the passenger cabin, there was a mixed relief...the passengers were relieved to be headed for safety but would never forget the slaughter that occured right in front of them.

We are gathered here today to celebrate a great victory in our war to reunify the Woodian peoples. The machine of war destroyed Teh Condiliar Empire overnight. Let that be an example for those who cross us.

BEHOLD, A NEW POWER IS RISING!

*massive applause, followed by the crowd chanting "TO WAR! TO WAR! TO WAR!"*

With Teh Condiliar Empire united under our banner, the ire and malice of Evil Woody Thoughts now pours itself into Woody Industries, a 'nation' run by traitors for eighty years. For eighty years, evil, liberal, commie, pussy administrations have tolerated this slap in the face to Evil Woody Thoughts' sovereignty. But we shall tolerate this no more! Let the next example be made of Woody Industries!

TO WAR!

*crowd once again starts the "TO WAR!" chant*

All patriotic Woodians, unite against the traitors! They have taken your lands and made a mockery of you! And for eight decades, you have been brainwashed into accepting this! But no more!

Other nations have recognized the wisdom of reunifying the Woodian peoples. They see it as inevitable, and have offered assistance. They were wise to do so, as Evil Woody Thoughts finally awakens and establishes itself as a military power. The Armed Republic of Lame Bums has extended a proposal for a military alliance, and we would be wise to accept. The world is already beginning to recognize our newfound greatness!

Woody Industries shall burn for its crimes. We shall show them no mercy, for they have not earned it! Victory is at hand!

"TO WAR!"

"TO WAR!"

"TO WAR!"

*the crowd of 200,000 people in Evil Woody Square chants "TO WAR! TO WAR!" for the next half an hour or so*

Bumpity bump bump, bump bump.

(decoded video)

General Bob Patton, 2nd Army Corps
to Chief of Staff George Annan

We have moved 350 miles in three days and have now set up along the border of Woody Industries. Camp David has been established as field headquarters. We can be across the Woody Industries border in one hour. (Horn blows out in background, several thousand troops can be heard goose-stepping and singing.)

(Soldiers: Uns're Fahne flattert uns voran
Uns're fahne ist die neue Zeit
Wir marschieren fur Carville...)

OOC: I don't give a rat's ass about political correctness.

IC: Anyway, we are ready to take on any enemy as soon as we get the order.

Until next time then.

01.28.2005 20:40:12