Freudotopia
22-01-2005, 06:12
Title: Freudotopia to replace government with sophisticated computer network.
Associated press, Friday, January 21, 2005
Phantasmo, Freudotopia.
In a historically unprecedented move, aging Sultan Jethro Nigel Q. Walrustitty Hyphen-Hyphen announced today in his elaborate palace that he intends to enact a bill that will replace the current big-government nightmare with an efficient network of computers. Amazingly, the decision has been met with no controversy whatsoever.
Sultan Hyphen-Hyphen says he decided long ago that he was becoming increasingly unable to control the many aspects of the government that were rapidly spiraling out of control and into a hopeless bureaucratic mess. After being recently charged with more than a dozen misdemeanors and booed publicly at several appearances.
The new system, which is run by a program called M.C.H.A.M.M.E.R., or Multi-Computer High Adaptability Mainframe Multitasking Electronic Regulator is to be installed and activated on Saturday, January 22, and will begin to actually run the government at twelve noon. The activation ceremony will be called “Hammer Time.” Several prominent world leaders, including the regents of Generia and Borman, are expected to attend.
As would be expected from such a bold change in government policy, much thought has been devoted to safeguarding this system against any mishap. Extremely competent computer engineers were flown in from around the world to take part in the design and programming of M.C.H.A.M.M.E.R. Unfortunately, all of them seem to have disappeared following the termination of their employment. Conspiracy theorists claim that the software geniuses were either killed or removed to a remote location so no enemy of Freudotopia could gain access to the system’s secrets.
From what limited information released to the press, the system is apparently quite capable, and is the first fully sentient computer system. The system supposedly has been programmed with a set of complex priorities, but is apparently able to resolve any conflicting directives arising out of the running of a nation of opinionated people. We have been told that the system is infallible, and that its installation will usher in a new era of prosperity and stability for Freudotopia.
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December 18, 0215 hours, in an undisclosed location in Freudotopia…
The cold air was absolutely still as four large, bald men wheeled into the room a small, nondescript square box. With no reflection and just one input/output port, the box was unremarkable enough. Standing to attention, they halted and stared straight ahead as a tall, thin man rose from a round table and spoke in a voice just above a whisper.
“Gentlemen, as you no doubt are aware, this is the origin of the M.C.H.A.M.M.E.R. program. The secret to its versatility is the single port on its side. This port allows an incredible variety of information to be transferred at an extremely high rate. With an ordinary data transport system, it would take quite a long time to set up the cyberspace construct from which the program actually operates, and during that time would be the best window that hackers and other miscreants have to damage or destroy the program.
“Once downloaded into cyberspace, the program will not need to have any sort of physical mainframe as a central operating point. It will exist only in code, and will not have any hard drives. It will manipulate and store data remotely. In short, gentlemen, this program will be completely self-sufficient and self-controlled. Its sentience programming is extremely advanced, and during its testing phase the probability of self-corruption was an infinitesimal 0.000000000001% Although we would like it to be perfectly safe, we all know there are some elements of sentience and sentient programs that are beyond our grasp.
“M.C.H.A.M.M.E.R. will run the government through its effective use of bureaucratic sub-routines and programs. It can create, use, and delete its own sub-programs as it sees fit, without any human input. All existing government regulatory programs have been modified to be put under the control of the system at exactly 12 noon on December 19. From that point on, these programs will function just like any of M.C.H.A.M.M.E.R.’s other sub-programs.
“You have all heard the reports from the other scientists who have worked on this project. They all generally agree that the program is very safe and a wise move on the part of Freudotopia and her government. I think it is more. I think that this computer system will make Freudotopian scientific capability the renown of the civilized world. It will bring us a measure of precision in government affairs the like of which the world has never seen. This program will be beneficial to all aspects of the government, from the economy to military coordination. This program is the best thing to happen to this nation since our founding.
“And with that, I believe it is time to activate the software. Gentlemen, if you would please follow Dr. Schultz-Willoughby into that room to your left.”
The four men followed Dr. Schultz-Willoughby into a small, white, well-lit room. Against the far wall was an ordinary desktop computer. Opening a small plastic case, the doctor withdrew a length of black cable. Taking one end of it, he inserted it into the port on the box. Taking the identical other end, he placed it in the USB port of the computer.
“Excuse me, sirs, but I will require you to retire outside for two minutes while I engage the program download.”
Obediently, the four guards trooped out.
The scientist sat down at the desk, opened a file, and activated a download to a remote networked computer. From there, the program was copied to an online file storage dump. As per its core code, the program transferred itself to several computers, and then created sub-programs to continue spreading the program into as many computers as possible. Meanwhile, the main program began the process of preparing to run the government of Freudotopia…
Dr. Schultz-Willoughby got up from his desk as soon as his initial role was over. Calling the guards back inside, he instructed them to destroy both the program’s carrier module and the computer and destroy them both thoroughly. Brandishing crowbars, they went to work with zeal. He then rejoined his colleagues in the main room.
As the doctor seated himself at the table and told the other technicians that the operation had gone smoothly, he was watched by a set of grey, cold, merciless eyes. In the installation’s security room, a man wearing a badge that identified him as a member of the Sultan’s Special Executive Force watched the proceedings on a security camera.
This man was dressed in a black suit and white tie. He was not very remarkable, and would blend in with a crowd instantly. His hair was short, he stood straight but not rigid, and his eyes had a habit of roaming around the room, always ready. He was tall and muscular, but his build did not seem obvious in the tailored suit. Anyone who passed him in the street would forget about him in a second. This was a great advantage, because in his line of work, being forgotten about was the best thing to be. He was a special agent, one of a handful of top-secret operatives that carried out the objectives of the Sultan at any cost. He was the best of this elite group, and he had a good deal of experience in his field and had built a reputation for efficiency and undetectibility. This man’s name was Samuel Radley, but the people who knew him by that name could be counted on one hand; he had over a dozen aliases. Although there was no camera in the computer room itself, he trusted that the good doctor had done his job well enough. With a smile that had no warmth whatsoever, he turned away from the screen. He spoke in a voice that was both quiet and clear; both the security guards perked up in their chairs.
“Thank you for your time, gentlemen. Your loyalty to Freudotopia is much appreciated. There is no need concern yourselves further; I can show myself out.”
Both guards responded with a dull “yes, sir.” As the man reached the doorway, he turned around and drew a silenced pistol from a concealed shoulder holster. The security guards were staring at their screens. He shot them both in the head and they slumped over, dead at their posts. Replacing his pistol, he left the room.
Meanwhile, the four who had been destroying the computers returned to the main room and saluted.
“Sirs, orders complete. Shall we proceed to debriefing?”
The thin head technician replied, “No, your debriefing will take place here. My staff and I will debrief you. This is somewhat against protocol, I know, but these are special circumstances. Please sit down.”
As the guards were being debriefed, Sam Radley quickly and confidently navigated the hallways of the underground laboratory. Halting in front of a door that read Project Head – Alfred Jorgensen, he took a keycard from his jacket and inserted it into a slot by the door. A light winked green and he entered. Moving to the scientist’s computer, he quickly opened the doctor’s notes, experiments, and schematics, and copied them to a high-capacity flash drive. He then used the doctor’s administration password to erase all the other evidence. Planting a small plastic explosive on the computer, he left and closed the door behind him. The lock clicked shut.
Radley took a long hallway to a bank of elevators. Choosing the rightmost, he entered and placed a small card into a slot next to the floor selection buttons. This card confirmed that he had authorization from both the Sultan and the Joint Chiefs. A green light went on and the elevator started to descend. Two floors down, the elevator opened, and the short hallway ahead ended in a room marked “Ventilation.” It was secured with a conventional tumbler lock. Radley withdrew his lock picks and went to work. In thirty seconds, the door was open. He crossed the room to a row of filters connected to a central air scrubber. Opening an access panel, he placed a small silver disk inside, behind the scrubber so that it would vent its supply of VX vapor directly into the air ducts. At the very bottom floor, he stepped out and walked to a security door directly in front of him. Taking out the card again, he slid it through the slot and the door unlocked. Walking briskly inside, he glanced around. The room was bathed in dim red light. Two large and efficient generators stood against the far wall. Taking out a small parcel, Radley placed it between them. He turned around and left as quickly as he had come. Taking the elevator back to the main floor, he prepared to leave.
Moving to the installation’s exit, he flashed his badge at the guard at the front desk and passed unnoticed. As soon as the guard turned around, Radley pulled his gun and killed the unfortunate man in the blink of an eye. Using the front desk controls, he set the main doors to close in thirty seconds. As he left the base through the large steel door, he reached inside his jacket and withdrew a small black box with two buttons, red and green. Radley broke into a run towards an electrified chain link fence surrounding the facility some 400 yards from the sides of the mountain. Rushing to the main gate, he slipped into the security booth. The lone guard was facing the dirt road leading away from the place, and Radley shot him in the back of the head without breaking stride. He manipulated the controls and raised the main gate.
Dashing out of the booth and onto the main road, he sprinted another hundred yards to a small patch of trees where he found his motorcycle precisely where he had left it. Turning around to face the facility, he pressed the green button. The silver disk received the signal and began venting its deadly payload into the air of the installation. Since the facility was very will insulated, Radley had calculated that all the occupants would be dead in ten minutes. Without looking down, he reached inside his jacket and retrieved a pack of cigarettes. Lighting one, he took a puff and leaned against a tree. He waited the ten minutes in silence, not once taking his gaze from the mountain. When he mentally judged the moment right, he raised the remote and almost lazily pressed the red button. The small explosive he had placed on the laboratory computer immediately exploded, destroying the computer and most of the surrounding lab equipment. Deep inside the complex, in the generator room, the signal reached the detonator in the package left by the huge machines. Inside, the detonator sparked, igniting fifteen kilograms of pure semtex. In a nanosecond, the explosion utterly destroyed the two generators, depriving the entire facility of power and increasing the force of the blast even more. The explosion blew the heavy door apart, and the fire raced up the elevator shaft, vaporizing the solid stone and causing a chain reaction that sent shudders rippling through the entire mountain. With a quarter of the stone in the very center of the mountain crumbling, even the steel reinforcements of the laboratory couldn’t stop the inevitable collapse of the facility. The top of the mountain caved in a crushed everything beneath it. Buried under hundreds of tons of rubble, the facility would never be discovered.
Satisfied, Radley dropped his cigarette to the ground and ground it to a pulp beneath his heel. He glanced at his watch: ninety minutes had elapsed since he’d entered the base under the guise of a high-ranking security personnel reviewer. Radley fished out the keys to his bike, got on, and gunned the motor. He pulled onto the dirt road and opened the throttle to full. As he rode back to civilization, he reflected that he had just destroyed every shred of evidence and research connected to the M.C.H.A.M.M.E.R. project. The integrity of the program was now assured. A new era in Freudotopia’s history was about to begin, and he had been a part of it. This gave him no small satisfaction as he returned to the capital.
Borman Empire
22-01-2005, 06:44
"Sir, Freudotopia is turning their government over to a computer tomorrow."
"They're still going through with that? What a good idea, turning a nation with stockpiles of WMDs and a competent army over to a computer."
"You do know the chances of corruption, right sire? Less thant .1%."
"Just send them this."
Official Imperial Communqiue:
To: Sultan of Freudotopia
From: Chancellor Licinius
Bhalk and I will be attending the ceremony for turning your nation over to your computer. All we aks is for some shooban slaves to cater to our every whim and desire.
End Transmission
OOC: I just have to laugh. MCHAMMER as the name of a computer program you built to run your government. LOLz, that is excelent. Keep goign with this, seriously.
Freudotopia
22-01-2005, 10:52
To the leaders of all civilized nations:
The Sentient Programs of Freudotopia invite any and all national leaders to attend the inaugural ceremony of the M.C.H.A.M.M.E.R. There will of course be food, sex, and mind-expanding drugs, all of which may be partaken of in a consequence-free environment. Enjoy the fertility of Freudotopia.
http://usera.imagecave.com/mobrule132001/fertility.bmp.jpg
Freudotopia
22-01-2005, 10:53
OOC:
The recent conduct of my esteemed colleague "Hyndu" has led me to impose an unfortunate restriction on my open invitation to the inaugural ceremony: do not post on my threads unless you can spell properly. Not that I care, I just don't like idiots. If anyone violates this condition, I will personally annihilate his or her entire nation with the aid of the M.C.H.A.M.M.E.R. system. You have been warned.
Stupidity will get you nowhere, and impudence will get you killed.
Borman Empire
22-01-2005, 15:30
"This will be fun won't it?"
Licinius awaited an answer then looked up to see Bhalk and the very attractive waitress for the personal plane disappearing (sp?) into the back bedroom.
"Damn, he always gets 'em."
"THis is your captain speaking, I've turned on the sex light and the 'ha Licinius doesn't have someone to bang AGAIN!' light. We will be taking off in a couple minutes and then its only a few short hours to Freudotopia.
Laborous Lollipops
22-01-2005, 15:38
"This will be fun won't it?"
Licinius awaited an answer then looked up to see Bhalk and the very attractive waitress for the personal plane disappearing (sp?) into the back bedroom.
"Damn, he always gets 'em."
"THis is your captain speaking, I've turned on the sex light and the 'ha Licinius doesn't have someone to bang AGAIN!' light. We will be taking off in a couple minutes and then its only a few short hours to Freudotopia.
You don't know what you're talking about, do you?
Black Mesa New Mexico
22-01-2005, 15:45
The Black Mesa Research Institute would like to send one of our most esteemed scientists, Dr. Breen (the former administrator) to this most fascinating event. Surely this is a very brave step, when you consider how many silly little script-kiddies would love to get their hands on M.C.H.A.M.M.E.R. in a non-friendly way. We hope you don't get our scientist stoned.
Borman Empire
22-01-2005, 15:50
You don't know what you're talking about, do you?
OOC: Excuse me? You do realise you neglected to put OOC while I did, I have over 3,500 posts, I've been a member since June, and only a complete idiot couldn't understand that.
I believe you just broke Freudotopia's rule.
The recent conduct of my esteemed colleague "Hyndu" has led me to impose an unfortunate restriction on my open invitation to the inaugural ceremony: do not post on my threads unless you can spell properly. Not that I care, I just don't like idiots. If anyone violates this condition, I will personally annihilate his or her entire nation with the aid of the M.C.H.A.M.M.E.R. system. You have been warned.
Stupidity will get you nowhere, and impudence will get you killed.
It is targeted for people who don't know how to spell properly. But I am most certain it would apply to those
-lacking intelligence
-lacking a brain
-lacking heterosexuality and thusly attacking others for it
-Complete idiots
-Morons
-Persons showing excessive amounts of stupidity
I believe you fall under...6 of the above catagories.
[IMG]http://www.free.de/homes/joern/gfx/sign.jpg[IMG]
Jeruselem
22-01-2005, 15:55
Programmer 1: Freudotopia is running it's entire government using an infallible computer system?
Programmer 2: That's madness. Programmers always leave mistakes in the systems so they have to come back and fix it later.
Programmer 1: What's going to happen to the Freudotopia government?
Programmer 2: The computer is probably going to think it's God and start making a right-royal mess.
Programmer 1: You mean it's going try to destroy the ruling class?
Programmer 2: It's probably designed for efficiency so the ruling class will be deemed irrelevant overhead who interfere in it's operations.
Programmer 1: Surely, there are safeguards against the system taking over like that?
Programmer 2: If the system can reprogram itself, it can remove dependence on external decision making.
Programmer 1: This means?
Programmer 2: The nation of Freudotopia is stuffed.
Programmer 1: But it might be infallible!
Programmer 2: No creation of mankind is infallible. Creatures die and empires fall. Computer systems crash.
Freudotopia
22-01-2005, 17:56
OOC:
I woke up this morning, turned on my computer, and logged on to NS. Immediately I was horrified by the replies in this thread. I would now like to take a moment of my time to explain why “Laborous Lollipops” is a first-class moron.
1. Anyone who names their nation “Laborous Lollipops” should not be criticizing others for any reason.
2. I don’t think you “know what you’re talking about” any more than Borman does.
3. At least Borman had something intelligent (sort of) to say; something that contributed to the thread, but you are just trying to engage in mindless bickering.
Freudotopia
28-01-2005, 21:30
The New Constitution of Freudotopia, as drafted by the M.C.H.A.M.M.E.R. computer program:
Preamble
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Article I
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Article II
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Article III
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Article IV
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