Roach-Busters
14-01-2005, 01:29
It's that time again. Once again, the Unrepentant War Machine of Roach-Busters will hold a nationwide election to determine who will occupy the presidency. The candidates are:
Generalissimo J.L.- Candidate of the Patriot Party.
Harold R. Lord- Candidate of the Moderate Party. Considered far less of a moderate extremist than the previous candidates the party has nominated. Nearly every presidential candidate the party has ever nominated has been an almost fanatically radical middle-of-the-roader, but Lord's moderation is far more, uh, moderate.
Timmy Farter- Candidate of the Cringing Coward Party. Considered to be a wimp in international affairs, an ineffective and incompetent lout in domestic affairs, a radical pantheist, and an all-around loser. A hell of a nice guy in person, though, and has huge buck teeth.
Donald Megan- Candidate of the Neoconservative Party. Favors massive government spending and increased government, though he wishes to spend slightly less than liberals and increase the size of the government at a slightly slower rate.
John Lenin and Vladimir Lennon- Candidates of the RB Communist Party. If elected, they will nationalize all industries, exponentially increase taxation, abolish private property, introduce socialized medicine and minimum wage laws, make public education compulsory, introduce extremely radical and draconian environment laws, etc.
Lu Ni Man- Candidate of the Warmonger Party. Will make gun ownership and military service compulsory for all citizens. Will impose a 100% tax rate on every citizen, and spend money only on defense. Promises to entangle the nation in at least 10 wars if elected.
Jill Sprinton- Candidate of the Lefty Loosy Party. Will introduce more socialistic aspects to the government, and will pursue an authoritarian economic policy buy a libertarian social policy (pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, legalization of all drugs, etc.).
Che Trotsky- Candidate of the Radical Revolutionary Party. Will immediately establish an anarchy and resign the day he is elected.
Bubba- A drunk from a small town. No party affiliation. His stance on the issues is unclear.
Generalissimo J.L.- Candidate of the Patriot Party.
Harold R. Lord- Candidate of the Moderate Party. Considered far less of a moderate extremist than the previous candidates the party has nominated. Nearly every presidential candidate the party has ever nominated has been an almost fanatically radical middle-of-the-roader, but Lord's moderation is far more, uh, moderate.
Timmy Farter- Candidate of the Cringing Coward Party. Considered to be a wimp in international affairs, an ineffective and incompetent lout in domestic affairs, a radical pantheist, and an all-around loser. A hell of a nice guy in person, though, and has huge buck teeth.
Donald Megan- Candidate of the Neoconservative Party. Favors massive government spending and increased government, though he wishes to spend slightly less than liberals and increase the size of the government at a slightly slower rate.
John Lenin and Vladimir Lennon- Candidates of the RB Communist Party. If elected, they will nationalize all industries, exponentially increase taxation, abolish private property, introduce socialized medicine and minimum wage laws, make public education compulsory, introduce extremely radical and draconian environment laws, etc.
Lu Ni Man- Candidate of the Warmonger Party. Will make gun ownership and military service compulsory for all citizens. Will impose a 100% tax rate on every citizen, and spend money only on defense. Promises to entangle the nation in at least 10 wars if elected.
Jill Sprinton- Candidate of the Lefty Loosy Party. Will introduce more socialistic aspects to the government, and will pursue an authoritarian economic policy buy a libertarian social policy (pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, legalization of all drugs, etc.).
Che Trotsky- Candidate of the Radical Revolutionary Party. Will immediately establish an anarchy and resign the day he is elected.
Bubba- A drunk from a small town. No party affiliation. His stance on the issues is unclear.