NationStates Jolt Archive

Port Royal, Roycelandia

His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I has today announced further changes to Roycelandia's Laws, some of which have shocked Analysts by not actually banning, restricting, or compelling anything.

Effective from January 14th, the following changes will come into effect:

- The prohibition on carrying "Knives & Other Sharp Objects" on aircraft will be repealed.

- The Linguistic Purity Act will be amended to allow the use of the words "Phat" and "Bling-Bling" in non-private communications.

- The Tax on Cosmetics will be halved, to 500%

- Teenage Girl Magazines will no longer be subject to restrictions, provided they refrain from encouraging teenage girls to dress like sluts, but they will be required to promote sex as being a natural, healthy thing.

- All Households throughout the Empire MUST acquire a pet Cat, Dog, Hamster, Guinea Pig, or other "Cute, Cuddly Animal", and care for it, love it, and never mistreat it. Failure to comply without lawful excuse will result in fines or deportation to a penal colony (in extreme cases).

- Stupid People will no longer have the right to vote in Imperial Elections. "If they're that stupid, then they can't be trusted to make an informed decision about what's best for the Country" His Majesty said. Stupid People may vote in Council and Local Body elections, however.

- All Stupid People currently in Re-Education Camps who have shown "Significant Improvement" will be declared "Not Stupid" and released back into society on January 14th.

- All Non-Violent Prisoners will be pardoned on the same date

- National Anthems of any Nation are prohibited from being played at Sporting Events. "If you've gone to a Sporting Event, you're not there for the Anthem. It's a waste of time, and just encourages Jingoism." explained His Majesty.

Finally, Roycelandia's Media are being "encouraged" to continue their reporting of "The lighter side" of life in Roycelandia, although how this is to be accomplished was not made clear.

Phat Bling-Bling, Page 3
Adopt-A-Cat, Page 4
Sex: Why You Should Have More, Page 23

Euroslavia congratulates Roycelandia on such landmark decisions, and hopes to pass a law similar to this:

- Stupid People will no longer have the right to vote in Imperial Elections. "If they're that stupid, then they can't be trusted to make an informed decision about what's best for the Country" His Majesty said. Stupid People may vote in Council and Local Body elections, however.

"We encourage the people of your nation to abide by your laws, and live in utter and supreme happiness."

Joseph Carbajo
Minister of All Things Cute and Cuddly

The Beddgelen public has greeted Roycelandian changes with both surprise and suspicion, both being tempered only when some of the more unexpected and the more progressive rulings were balanced with more traditionally Roycelandian items.

"I like the thing about anthems" said one comrade questioned by Iskra!, "but I thought they only did that in Quinntonia, anyway" where upon he was interrupted by a friend who corrected him by insisting that, "no, no, they do hymns, isn' it?"
"Anyway" said the first, "after the Internationale's been sung, I don't see the need for..."
"No, dude, the Igovian Internationale is our national anthem."
"Oh god, we do that? Aw, man..."
"Sports suck, anyway, dude."
"Lets go play darts on an Air Roycelandia flight!"
"Yeah! ...Does that carrier exist? I thought it was Imperial Wibbleways?"

There has, however, been no official comment.

No national anthem at Hockey games?! I think that's unconstitutional!
WWJD
Amen.

It's actually illegal to broadcast Sports on TV in Roycelandia (except for the cable channel Sport TV), as His Majesty is of the opinion that Sports encourage people to be "loutish and scummy".

Incidentally, the most popular sports in Roycelandia are Target Shooting, Hunting, Cricket, Tennis, and Soccer.

No_State_At_All is currently undergoing a rebbelion, but if the royalist forces win, they will institute a complete trade embargo against roycelandia as a result of these changes and the prevailing conditions in that country.

Hockey is oen of Strathdonia's favourite sports (after rugby, polo, football (proper football) highland games and hopsplotch (or try not to step on the land mine from the civil war)).

But then by hockey we mean the proper sport with a ball and grass and no armour for anyone bu tthe goaly.

The rulings have been greeted with a combination of ambivalence and ignorance in United Elias. Although widely accepted as one of UE's most important allies, the general public have little understanding or any inclination to learn more about Roycelandian 'culture'.

Sport in United Elias is discouraged, after all its too damn hot most of the time. The exception is horse racing in winter, and camel racing in the Summer, which are both the preserve of the very wealthy patrons and the desperate gamblers. There is a provincial football league but its not particulaly popular, and viewed as uncivilised by the middle and upper classes.