NationStates Jolt Archive

In a community college, somewhere in Zoogiedom...

Two friends strolling through a regional community college were chatting away happily. Lynn Fields, a cheerleader and exceptionally poor student, was talking about her recent birthday party to her friend Roberta, when Roberta cried, "Oh shoot! We forgot to do our homework!"

"Ohmygod, like, what was it?" said Lynn.

"The parabola thing, remember?"

[Aside: These are not particularly bright people. They, uh, failed Algebra I their senior year and so are retaking it.]

The mention of 'parabola' stirred a fantastic change in Ms. Fields. Her face contorted with fury and DETERMINED RAGE, and turned, subsequently, a nasty shade of purple. Steaming, she made the transformation from 'preppy loser' to 'BASTION of Darkness, Lordess of Wrath and DARK Things' in a remarkably short period of time; and when she opened her mouth, they say flames spewed forth.

"Parabolas, suck! Math is silly! Like parabolas! Parabolas suck! They are the suckiest thing that ever sucked!"

Her friend was shocked at this, uh, outburst, but barely had time to react. A police agent was lurking in the shadows, although one might wonder what secret police agents would be doing lurking around in a civil rights lovefest of a quasi-libertarian state, but he was lurking nevertheless; and lurking in a secret-police-like fashion at that.

"Come with me, young lady," he said sternly, handcuffing her instantly and leading her away.

"Like, what did I, like, do?" she cried.

"You had the sheer audacity to suggest that math is not holy, and that parabolas are not elegant and cherubic," he replied smoothly. "Move along now."

Her friend, realizing that this was the end of Lynn Fields, fell to her knees and cried, "Nooooooo!!!"

Woman to be tortured and executed without mercy of any kind for making fun of parabolas, etc.

[Cadellis, Zoogiedom:AP] A nineteen-year-old woman has been sentenced to eight days' imprisonment and subsequent execution early yesterday morning for making fun of parabolas. Lynn Fields of Cadellis, Zoogiedom was overheard remarking to a fellow college student that parabolas "are the suckiest thing that ever sucked." She has also been known to extensively ridicule everything from arithmetic, to latin, to zebras.

A nearby officer handcuffed her immediately.

The sentencing judge, His Quite Honorable Thomas Marshall, described Ms. Field's proliferate past mischiefs. "This young lady has a long, long history of making fun of math," he told Phaerus Weekly. "Just recently, a $25,000 fine was levied on her as she was overheard saying that zebras are 'a bunch of homosexual lickers of others' kneecaps.' Now that she's 19, we are finally able to prosecute this...this...this miscreant."

Miss Fields turned nineteen last week. By law, persons nineteen or older seen or heard to debase things zoogietic or cherubic are to be imprisoned, tortured, and executed.

"Yes, it was a very open-and-shut case," Judge Marshall remarked.

Numerous witnesses attested to her act of sheer treason.

"Omygosh, Lynn, like, totally said that," said fellow cheerleader Anna Thompson.

Added classmate Roberta Palmer, "I was so shocked when she told me that! I mean, she is my best friend and all, but oh the audacity! She deserves this, y'know."

And onlooker Jake Thompson: "Dang, you, she be dissin' like, parabolas, yo, all the [expletive] time, yo...and that's not [expletive] cool, dog, yo...yo...peace, yo."

After Ms Field's sentencing - which resulted in a considerable amount of rejoicing - she was stripped of her citizenship and carted off to Guantos Facility, a maximum security military prison complex on the remote island fortress of Tagyrs.

"Oh, it's not unexpected at all," said Praetorius general L. Quintus Lasugus, interim head of the facility. "Ms. Fields was just recently alleged to have denied the zoogietic elegance of Latin. We sent out an arrest warrant for her the day she was caught debasing parabolas...what was she thinking? Parabolas have feelings too, you know! But yeah, we've been waiting for her ever since she refused to do her math homework that day in the 2nd grade."

Regarding surfacing reports that Ms. Fields was raped by a fellow inmate on her second day of captivity, General Lasugus added, "Oh, it's rather unfortunate, yes...but we can't be held responsible for what inmates do amongst themselves, now can we? Besides, we never told her she could be so sexy."

Not everyone agrees. "I can see where he's coming from, but she's not really 'all that,'" commented secretary of state Dailey. "Now, the First Lady of Roach-Busters, on the other hand..."

Ms. Fields is schedule to go through a variety of physical and mental torments for the next six days, after which she will be executed, appropriately on the ides of March, by sixteen guys dressed only in rags and weilding swords, daggers, felt-tip pens, and other pointy objects. Reaction is expected to be mostly positive.

"I can't wait," says enthusiastic garbage man and former prom date of the sentenced, Kyle LeClair. "I mean, she can't even factor a basic second degree polynomial! What use is she?"

"Oh, I'm thrilled," added C. Marius Sextus, Praetorius colonel coordinating and overseeing the execution event. "The Ides of March shall be a great day for our country. Twenty years from now people will talk about Lynn Fields, the silly fool that insulted parabolas...and paid the price."


Tickets are available for esteemed guests from other countries at negotiable price. Seating is limited, however.

What is parabolas?

The Republic of Kosovian Yugoslavia

OOC: One of these guys:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4a/Parabola_only.png

Roflmao
President Kenny Williams wants tickets. He requests that you have hot dog vendors present.

Ic.

Xenonier will take no actions against this proclamation. Not only is it none of our buisness, but It seems a damn good idea to get the literacy rate to 100% too.

OOC: ROFFLECOPTER!

And rather original ta boot.

Statement from the Dpt of Foreign Affairs

"At this time, the Militant Imperium would like to know if vendors from our country could sell refreshments and souvenirs at this event."

failed Algebra I their senior year and so are retaking it.

Wonders how the person who wrote that got on in English...

Official Communiques...

To the nation of IDF, we shall have a plentiful supply of hot dog vendors charging ridulously high prices, but I'm sure you're rich as a filthy pig. President Williams may attend. To Xenonier, indeed it is; if you ever seek aid in this endeavor, we're but a call away. Ah, Tyrandis, whilst our corporations would like a monopoly on this affair, as a strong ally and customer your vendors can attend. Your presence is requested, as well.

As for JRV, Algebra I is a course name, the 'I' being not a personal pronoun (ooh! ooh! big word! showed you up!) but the roman numeral 'one.'

Official Imperial Response:

Who in their [expletive] mind would [expletive] insult a massivly aweosme [expletive] parabola! I ask you, who? THis [expletive] would.

-----------------------------------

We ask that we be granted front and second row seats (Incase front isn't better than second) to see this [expletive] die!

As for JRV, Algebra I is a course name, the 'I' being not a personal pronoun (ooh! ooh! big word! showed you up!) but the roman numeral 'one.'

OOC: The sentence is still lacking a preposition such as 'during' or 'in'. Maybe it's just me, but 'they failed Algebra I their first year' doesn't make as much sense as, 'they failed Algebra I in their first year'. But like I said, maybe it's just me...

I am declaring our disagreement with this decision and politely asking this nation to reconsider this decision. I do, however, recognize that I have no authority, but I still ask in the name of deceny that you do not torture this woman simply for mocking a mathematical figure.
-President Carpenter

The sentence is still lacking a preposition such as 'during' or 'in'. Maybe it's just me, but 'they failed Algebra I their first year' doesn't make as much sense as, 'they failed Algebra I in their first year'. But like I said, maybe it's just me...

OOC: Actually both sentances are perfectly understandable and make sense. So, yes it is just you.

I am declaring our disagreement with this decision and politely asking this nation to reconsider this decision. I do, however, recognize that I have no authority, but I still ask in the name of deceny that you do not torture this woman simply for mocking a mathematical figure.
-President Carpenter

Official Communiqué

"The JRVian Government seconds the request of PIcaRDMPCia."
- Vice Chancellor Silvia Cartwright

The vesh pij verr has nothing official to say concerning this, as it is a wholly internal matter. However, we would like to work more closely with your educational departments on a mutually advisory basis, as we see you treat learning as seriously as it should be taken. The recent conflict in Cvechiokal has disrupted the vesh's educational system in the region and we believe... stricter methods such as yours may be useful in maintaining and increasing the mathematical and scientfic literacy rates in the area.

http://www.weirdozone.0catch.com/projects/nationstates/sirithil/spokesman.gif
Masjon Hieronymus Styger of the vesh pij verr

OOC: Actually both sentances are perfectly understandable and make sense. So, yes it is just you.

OOC: :D... uhm, I could say something in relation to the spelling of 'sentences', but I won't because I make plenty of typos myself. Anyway, I'm just bored... I really should get a life.

We think it is great what we are doing. Dissent should be criminalized, and dissenters should be executed, regardless of the reason.

-Secretary of Law and Order Chia Neng Lee

OOC: The sentence is still lacking a preposition such as 'during' or 'in'. Maybe it's just me, but 'they failed Algebra I their first year' doesn't make as much sense as, 'they failed Algebra I in their first year'. But like I said, maybe it's just me...

Shh! Who told you that! Was it them? We'll get them...wait a minute...where's your comma between 'preposition' and 'such!' Wait...oh, terribly sorry, I just gave you an IC response ;)



Borman Empire: Dude! I know! It was a [expletive] beautiful parabola, man! What's their problem, man!

JRV and the Country that seems to be a Random Collection of Letters of Alternating Cases that begins with PMsomething - In a word, no. Parabolas, man. No...you just don't do that to a parabola. Parabolas have [i]feelings, too.

Rayverr, we would be most honoured to work with your vesh pij merr and coordinate our educational departments' efforts. Our literacy rate is quite high, although every now and then such sad cases as these pop up.

Zoogies- check your TGs

Gabriel Williams of the Eternal Empire wishes to attend, in a bizaare twist of time-jiggerypokery, Admiral Daibai would also wish to attend. Unfortunately, our leader is too buddhist to attend such an event, but might watch any televised sendings whilst wearing a large foam glove. In a recent charity event, ParabolAid, £26,000,000 was raised in order to raise awareness for parabolas and other mathematical functions, and in a broader context, education as a whole. We would like to donate that money to anyone who you feel has been directly affected by this scandal.

And people say I'm nuts. o_O

Can we get our seats?

Jordaxia, we are most appreciative of your efforts and will gladly televise the occasion. Both people may attend. Once there, look for an angry sort of man with a receding hairline and (most likely) a red face, probably shouting at someone or other. That's our secretary of state, and he'll be most interested in learning the ins and outs of time jiggerypokey, if you would be willing to teach it.

Borman, yes, your seats are here, first row.

Generalissimo J.L. will of course attend. He enjoys watching fools suffer.

Gabriel Williams of the Eternal Empire wishes to attend, in a bizaare twist of time-jiggerypokery, Admiral Daibai would also wish to attend. Unfortunately, our leader is too buddhist to attend such an event, but might watch any televised sendings whilst wearing a large foam glove. In a recent charity event, ParabolAid, £26,000,000 was raised in order to raise awareness for parabolas and other mathematical functions, and in a broader context, education as a whole. We would like to donate that money to anyone who you feel has been directly affected by this scandal.

(OOC: Jordaxia! :D Where the hell ya been? ;))

Official Statement, Imperial Government

OMFG t3h p4r4b0las r t3h 1337357!1!!!1 w4837c9r$0H(*%DSY"HCHD(^%" n00ksz oidsaug0486^$%&"*/DW"*&YDC( D3(14r3 war"!!!1!!1!204fvgi

Roach-Busters, Generalissimo J.L. is most welcome, of course, and has a seat now reserved for him.

Praetonia, the Zoogiedom H4x0r Academy officially surrenders to your Uber-l337 h4x0r skills.

Thanks. How will you be executing the dim-witted dame?

-Generalissimo J.L.

IC:To quote my president Steiner, "We're comin"

OOC: This is Archive material

Well, on the Ides of March we'll be conducting a most festival of lupercal ceremony, in which a bunch of guys dressed in rags will run around and take turns executing the silly person with quick strokes of the sword (and other pointy objects that are also shiny). These are all skilled swordsmen; they can deftly carve parabolas into others' bodies without a second thought, which is what they will be doing. Afterwards the marred and also dead body of the silly person will be cast into the Parabolic Pit of Doom, where the Fires of the Holy Cherub shall consume it and deliver it to the smelly armpits of Math Hell, where she shall then be forced to learn math...and worship math...forever!

It's all in this brochure. Here you go.

-A mysterious salesperson guy hands the Generalissimo a bright and colorful brochure entitled 'Experience the Magic!' and disappears.

Anaressa is welcome to attend as well as all regional members.

Although we here at the Republic of Morgenroete feel that education, and mathmatical studies are important, we must strongly object to the idea that someone can be executed for expressing a personal opinion of a mathmatical term. Also realizing that we have no say in the matter we strongly request you commute Ms. Field's sentence. We respect your nations rights to enforce laws based on its culture but feel this may be takeing a relatively minor issue to far. We promise not to intervine in this issue past makeing requests of your nation.

We await a reply on this matter.

Signed by,
The Most Honerable Secratary of State of the Republic of Morgenroete,
Cassandra Jace
The Most Honerable Secratary of Education of the Republic of Mogenroete,
Brendan Smith
The Most Honerable President of the Republic of Morgenroete,
William Janson

Artitsa will either be there or be moderatly square.

I suggest being here and beign square, as we all know being a geometrical figure is most enjoying. Or so I've been told.

We were actually planning to be a Hexagon, thanks.

Official Statement, Imperial Government

OMFG t3h p4r4b0las r t3h 1337357!1!!!1 w4837c9r$0H(*%DSY"HCHD(^%" n00ksz oidsaug0486^$%&"*/DW"*&YDC( D3(14r3 war"!!!1!!1!204fvgi
I think his cat is dieing or sumthing....hmmm....anyway may I attend this awsome exacution...I mean I want to see the face of the girl that said such things to a parabolas...jeez I cant belive some one could be so...so....mean...god its like...just...crazy.

Emperor Nero Trotsky

Fine, you be a hexagon. I will be the most holy of holy shapes, a parabola.

Fine!
*humphs*

(In insane desire to have last word)

FINE!!!, runs out of hearign range so Artista can not talk to him

Morgenroete, first of all, we're glad that you are following a policy of non-intervention, and you aren't trying to control others' affairs...this is something many nations have a problem not doing. As for commuting Ms. Field's sentence...it's an open-and-shut case. The law clearly states that those persons over the age of 19 who make fun of math/latin will be tortured for eight days, then killed in the following manner (refer to brochure). Having just recently turned 19, Ms. Fields proceeded to publically debase parabolas, going explicity against the law.

[OOC: I might add that Zoogiedom is a quasi-libertarian state and this thread should not be taken too seriously.]

Artitsa, we're awaiting your arrival and have an astoundingly uncomfortable hexagonal seat...just for you!

Borman, you might want to reconsider being a parabola as all the 'standard' seats are paraboloids. Comfortable parabaloids. There's a special parabola, but as that is the Pit from which the Fires of Hell Speweth, I don't suggest that you sit there.

President Hanelis himself will attend, sitting in a chair that is the most beautiful shape of all, appropriately, a zoogie.

Tsukaemu-Rekuwatoru's dictator, Maze Kieravich, and his right-hand lackey, Ramsey, would be glad if the President Hanelis would shove the the current situation at hand in the Isles to the side and let them attend the ceremony of mathematical death.

Kieravich will also willingly bring chocolates in the shape of parabolas if he receives a decent seat in the center third row.

Sickning. I feel sorry for the poor saps who live in this country. Phycotic and evil is no way to go through life. Corrupt is the way to go! keep'em under your thumb without them knowing! Besides, math sucks. This is what I think of math! :mp5: :sniper: :gundge: :headbang:

Latin, however, is very cool. ;)

Latin, however, is very cool. ;)

That's the spirit! The man (whose identity we don't know) paused, as someone whispered into his ear. WHAT?! You insulted math,too?! Leaping up onto a giant parabolic table of no end, he cried, DOWN, YE BOB!, his voice resonating across the parabolic-ness of the table.

Nerotika may also attend. We apologize that we overlooked your request, but really we thought the post was just about cats in the act of dying.

That's the spirit! The man (whose identity we don't know) paused, as someone whispered into his ear. WHAT?! You insulted math,too?! Leaping up onto a giant parabolic table of no end, he cried, DOWN, YE BOB!, his voice resonating across the parabolic-ness of the table.

Nerotika may also attend. We apologize that we overlooked your request, but really we thought the post was just about cats in the act of dying.
To express my seriousness, I'm going to say a latin phrase I learned in bootcamp when I was younger. They made us recite it like a prayer. If the spelling is wrong, then I appoligise, but we never had to spell it. Down with me? Sicmus pacum para belum. It means, "If you want peace, prepare for war." say what you wish about me, but don't try anything stupid.

OOC: Si vis pacem, para bellum ;) And I wasn't serious before, as there are no such things as infinite parabolic tables and such...

Good, as I wish for no hostilities. I also do not wish to destroy anyone. If there is one thing we at bob the samuri pride ourselves on, it's our military. Sorry for dissing math too. I just simply get angered at the word.

P.S.: thanks for showing me the correct spelling.

lalalalalaPARABALOID!

Transcript of drunken phone call from Emperor Antonius to President Hanelis of The Zoogie People

"'Ello? *belch* Who is this? What? What's a Zoogie? Where's Joe the pizza guy? I want answers damnit! *undecipherable grunt* What? Parabolas? Who's getting executed? Mrs. Fields? The cookie woman? *belch* I like cookies. You got any cookies over there? What, execution? Who's getting executed? Mrs. Fields? Oh, Ms. Fields. Who's she? Execution? What execution? Who is this? Where's Joe? *loud crash* Blast! Damn Antique vases...What? Who's getting executed now? *belch* Mrs. Fields? Can I come? There'll be cookies? Damn right. I'll be there. *loud splash* Damnit. Who installed a pool in my office. *backround voices* "What? I'm not in my office? Who are you? Generia City Bath and Racquet? What the Hell? *pause* Hello? Who is this? Where's Joe?"

((OOC: In other words, can I come?))

Nerotika may also attend. We apologize that we overlooked your request, but really we thought the post was just about cats in the act of dying.
woo-hoo thats us...lol

Emperor Nero Trotsky

*waits for execution after magically teleporting to seats*

Execution date will be set soon as I figure out exactly what to do about it. Do you guys want a new thread or something? I think I'd prefer it if I kept it in just one thread though.

Transcript of drunken phone call from Emperor Antonius to President Hanelis of The Zoogie People

"'Ello? *belch* Who is this? What? What's a Zoogie? Where's Joe the pizza guy? I want answers damnit! *undecipherable grunt* What? Parabolas? Who's getting executed? Mrs. Fields? The cookie woman? *belch* I like cookies. You got any cookies over there? What, execution? Who's getting executed? Mrs. Fields? Oh, Ms. Fields. Who's she? Execution? What execution? Who is this? Where's Joe? *loud crash* Blast! Damn Antique vases...What? Who's getting executed now? *belch* Mrs. Fields? Can I come? There'll be cookies? Damn right. I'll be there. *loud splash* Damnit. Who installed a pool in my office. *backround voices* "What? I'm not in my office? Who are you? Generia City Bath and Racquet? What the Hell? *pause* Hello? Who is this? Where's Joe?"

((OOC: In other words, can I come?))

President Hansien [ooc: sorry guys, I spontaneously changed my president's last lame's spelling in a concurrent roleplay] was sitting in his office, his thoughts on the current war zone he was in when the phone rang. He picked up the receiver and heard three belches in rapid succession. "Ah, hello, Emperor Antonius," he said, almost automatically. "Uh...this is President Hansien...what? Zoogiedom. Yeah. Well, it's rather complicated; you see, a Zoogie is a peculiar, n--what? The Pizza Guy is over there. Yeah. I told you, he's over there! Well, anyways, we're setting the execution date for a certain Lynn Fields for insulting parabolas...what? You know, those little curved things. Yes, executed. Ms. Fields. I like cookies too, Emperor. Oh, we've got plenty of cookies. M-s-.-[space]-F-i-e-l-d-s. Yes. Fields. Yes. Executed. Dead. No longer alive. The execution where - this is President Hansien. Joe's....over there. Yes, antique vases are rather silly indeed. Ms. Fields is getting executed. Sure, you can come, I'll reserve a seat for you right - yes, there'll be lots of cookies, of all sorts. What was that? Pool? Oh yes, that's quite unfortunate, you should look into this - [pause] - this is President Hansien. Zoogiedom. Joe's right here, want to talk to him now? Here, Joe, it's Emperor Antonius. No, don't run away. Hey, Joe! Come back! Oh, sorry, Antonius, Joe's gone again. Hello? Antonius? Emperor? Hello? ... *click*"

He looked up and saw his advisers circled around him, looks of awe on their faces. "That was Emperor Antonius," he said. "Reserve a seat for him at Lynn Fields' execution."

"That was...Emperor...Antonius?"

Then the entire group broke into roaring laughter, until the President could calm them several minutes later. "Please, please, no making fun of Emperor Antonius. He was a good man, and sane, once."

OOC: Put it in this thread.

OOC: Of course, m'liege.

Then, a man stepped to the loudspeaker (which resonated across all the world) and said, "Last chance guys, this execution will be performed soon. Hurry up and fill yer seats! The stadium is already starting to fill up!"

The camera pans at the stadium. "See? One delegate has teleported here already!"

-currently in state of laughing-

A blast of red smoke, and Emperor Antonius appeared, as usual playing a rockin' guitar solo.

http://www.fitzmulti.com/bands/slash.jpg
Emperor Antonius I, Sovereign Lord of Generia and her Dominions

Antonius handed his guitar to a Shooban slave, who appeared in a much smaller, much less majestic cloud of red smoke, and walked over to President Hansien. Antonius bowed.

"Mr. President."

President Hansien smiled; then there was a tremendous, uberly majestic cloud of #cc66cc smoke, and he disappeared, then reappeared two inches to the right of where he had been.

He then returned the bow and offered a handshake. "Antonius, old friend. Good to see you."

She's right...parabolas suck, math sucks, and everything's a waste of time...but especially math! (wags finger at Zoogie People)

nyah nyah!

besides, if the girl's hot, dont execute her! there arent enough hot girls as it is!!

President Hansien smiled; then there was a tremendous, uberly majestic cloud of #cc66cc smoke, and he disappeared, then reappeared two inches to the right of where he had been.

He then returned the bow and offered a handshake. "Antonius, old friend. Good to see you."

Antonius returned the handshake.

"When are we going to get this thing going? And where's the bar?"

The United States of the Plutonian Empire officially condemns this act of atrocity, and calls upon all nations to denounce the Zoogie People.

Secretary Dailey appeared in a smaller, less majestic cloud of smoke, but also of the color #cc66cc, somewhere in East Islandia. "Let's get one thing straight. She was not so hot. The First Lady of Roast Busters is a sexy beast. This girl was not. Second, for insulting parabolas, math, and everything zoogietic in nature, I shall have to call you a bad name and fart in yer general direction! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm a busy man!"

With that, he took a rocket pack and flew off into the sky, landing two minutes later at the Plutonian Empire, where as he flew past the palace, he shouted, "And we hate you too!"

At this time, he received a cherubic dispatch from the President himself, calling for his return to the capital to prepare for the festivities.



Antonius returned the handshake.

"When are we going to get this thing going? And where's the bar?"


OOC: Depends on when I get to type it all out. Tomorrow, or the next day, something like that. And I'm not good with alcohol and all, so pardon me if I don't get the terminology correct.

"Soon, soon," said Hansien. "We've got some last minute preparations to make, and the vendors are just arriving in town. There's an excellent bar in the Presidential residence, we've got an unlimited supply of 60% vodka prepared just for you. Shall we appear there in a cloud of multicolored smoke?"

"There's an excellent bar in the Presidential residence, we've got an unlimited supply of 60% vodka prepared just for you. Shall we appear there in a cloud of multicolored smoke?"

"Totally."

With that a great cloud of red and #cc66cc colored smoke appeared, and consequently, Antonius dissappeared.

With that, he took a rocket pack and flew off into the sky, landing two minutes later at the Plutonian Empire, where as he flew past the palace, he shouted, "And we hate you too!"
Just so you know, the Empire is on another planet 3228 light years away, and it takes a day to travel between Sol and Deneb. EDIT: (Assuming you're flying on one of our pluto cons.) I highly doubt a simple rocket pack can travel that far in 2 minutes.

Official Announcement from the United Republics of Tiburon

On reading this thread, the United Republics had hopes that the Zoogie People were to say a few words, laugh, make fun of people who think anything they can't get is automatically stupid, and laugh again. We realize now that we are sadly mistaken. We, quite simply, had hopes in the International Incidents forum once again. We realize now that we are sadly mistaken.

Sorry. Our bad.

-Joint Session of Congress, United Republics of Tiburon

The Hakurabi would like to re- OW! Restrain him! - request permission to (OOC: Two possible options here, respond to the one that pertains) (1) dock at- YEARGH! I'll have you thrown overboard if you don't stop! - the port of the Zoogle People (2) send some of our people by long-range helicopter to the Zoogle People (end) to observe the death of the heathen. Can we get popcorn, or should we bring it ourselves?


OOC: Essentially the more mathamatically minded onboard the floating island Hakurabi have managed to overpower the rest of the crew (somehow) and now wish to view the killing of the "Heathen".

Just so you know, the Empire is on another planet 3228 light years away, and it takes a day to travel between Sol and Deneb. EDIT: (Assuming you're flying on one of our pluto cons.) I highly doubt a simple rocket pack can travel that far in 2 minutes.

It is no simple rocket pack.

I wonder whether the stupid cheerleader with PMT has been executed yet

Wonders how the person who wrote that got on in English...
English major wondering what exactly you see wrong?

*waits*

It is no simple rocket pack.
Then what is it?

Then what is it?

A maigcal rocket pack complete wityh instant transportimaficationer, mini-bar, bedroom, bathroom, and t.v. with three pornogrophy subscriptions.

That sounds like godmoding.

That sounds like godmoding.

This is a joke thread. There's no such thing as godmoding in here.

That sounds like godmoding.

I motion to above.

Just so you know, the Empire is on another planet 3228 light years away, and it takes a day to travel between Sol and Deneb. EDIT: (Assuming you're flying on one of our pluto cons.) I highly doubt a simple rocket pack can travel that far in 2 minutes.


Oh, but it can. It's a most cherubic and zoogietic rocket-pack with an instant transportimaficationer, a mini-bar, bedroom, bathroom, TV, a l337 computer, but unfortunately for Borman, zero pornography subscriptions.


Official Announcement from the United Republics of Tiburon

On reading this thread, the United Republics had hopes that the Zoogie People were to say a few words, laugh, make fun of people who think anything they can't get is automatically stupid, and laugh again. We realize now that we are sadly mistaken. We, quite simply, had hopes in the International Incidents forum once again. We realize now that we are sadly mistaken.

Sorry. Our bad.

-Joint Session of Congress, United Republics of Tiburon


(OOC) Lighten up.

(IC) Quite truly we're rather flattered that Tiburon's congress convened just for us.

Hakurabi may fly via long range helicopter to Zoogiedom, even though it's entirely possible to dock here anyways.

Rest of you guys...I haven't written out the execution thing yet, and would like to add that I'm crushed by the Jet's defeat (Doug Brien is a moron), but it should happen tomorrow.

This is a joke thread. There's no such thing as godmoding in here.
How the *()&&*)( can executing a woman be "a joke thread?!?!"

And yes there IS such thing as godmoding.

How the *()&&*)( can executing a woman be "a joke thread?!?!"

And yes there IS such thing as godmoding.

((OOC: I know that there is such a thing as godmoding, my friend. I've been here much longer than you. However, you can clearly see pretty clearly from the title and the relaxed attitude (not to mention the JOKES) that this is a joke thread. If you don't want to participate in the spirit of this thread, I'm sure you can find a serious one elsewhere in which to make yourself useful.))

How the *()&&*)( can executing a woman be "a joke thread?!?!"


Well, it's not so much the executing of the woman as the reason for the execution and the manner in which it is to be carried out in. Oh, and speaking of which...

Announcement

President Hansien stepped to the podium and announced to all attendees. "For those of you that delight in feasting on the blood of others, I have a terribly tragic announcement to make.

"In order for the Mighty OOC Player that Commands Us All to describe the execution in exquisite detail, the manner in which it is to be conducted has been altered. There will be no stabbings, and for this I apologize. However, there will still be young men dressed in rags, and slightly more accordingly to the ancient Roman festivities of Lupercal, they will be waving #cc66cc-coloured flags and striking the One who Considers Math Unfun. The rest will proceed as planned, but the bloodshed had to be removed."

A great chorus of boo's echoed from the crowd, so Hansien returned to the podium and said, "Free chocolate!" and indeed, Snickers bars did sprinkle in great quantities from the sky.

((OOC: I know that there is such a thing as godmoding, my friend. I've been here much longer than you. However, you can clearly see pretty clearly from the title and the relaxed attitude (not to mention the JOKES) that this is a joke thread. If you don't want to participate in the spirit of this thread, I'm sure you can find a serious one elsewhere in which to make yourself useful.))
So that means if a nation is wiped out in THIS thread, its "destruction" will mean nothing/be totally irrevalent in regular threads?

So that means if a nation is wiped out in THIS thread, its "destruction" will mean nothing/be totally irrevalent in regular threads?

Yep, that's about right.

I should add that my government is quasi-libertarian, so this isn't the sort of thing I would really do. I could see Generic Empire really executing a music-hating fool in his country though.

Yep, that's about right.

I should add that my government is quasi-libertarian, so this isn't the sort of thing I would really do. I could see Generic Empire really executing a music-hating fool in his country though.
Well then, I must apologize for being confused and acting before thinking. In that case...

IC:

**After hours of investigation, it was determined that the rocket that appeared out of nowhere, and where the execution was taking place, was from a universe called "Joke Universe." Immedieately, the Plutonian Empire withdrew its opposition.**

Well then, I must apologize for being confused and acting before thinking. In that case...

IC:

**After hours of investigation, it was determined that the rocket that appeared out of nowhere, and where the execution was taking place, was from a universe called "Joke Universe." Immedieately, the Plutonian Empire withdrew its opposition.**

Emperor Antonius looked up from his bottle of Black Death Vodka only to witness a red and white striped rocket explode in a cloud of multi-colored smoke, showering candy upon the heads of the Zoogie people.

"I gotta stop drinkin'..."

Dear sirs we here at Faux Broadcasting a susedary(sp) of C.B.S would like to broadcast any and all things that happen at the execution. Basicley we are asking for you to film it and send it to us. Please I need a hit I dont wanna lose my job please*the rest is smeared with white powder and tears.*

OOC: The (1) and (2) denoted the two possible options. I'm going to dock the island (which is just named after the country). The choppers I was referring to were "a fleet of military-grade choppers", reknowned for their ability to carry whole countries to Alpha Centauri. Actually, I'm going to do that in a non-serious RP. Heh... "I have my fleet of military-grade choppers fly your country into the sun!"

IC: The crew of the Hakurabi docked at the ports, and the (willing) crew streamed out to the stadium. They had no qualms with any possible abandonment, as they were the only ones who could run the ship. The were surprised to see a hail of snickers bars, and some removed their overclothes to catch as many as possible. They sat down in a complex dodecahedral seating unit flown in straight from Alpha Centauri (by military-grade chopper, of course).

Bhalk held a fish net aloft which then expanded wuite rapidly until it was large enough, and did, catch 90% of the falling candy.

The candy then, on Hansien's command, deployed their nanobotic mines, which exploded thousands of 5-cm diameter holes in the fish net, causing the candy to fall through as the net split at the seams and collapsed. Then everyone cried simultaneously, "Look! The legendary fleet of military-grade helicopters!"

There was only one, of course, the one flown in from the dock. Hakurabi had arrived.


They sat down in a complex dodecahedral seating unit flown in straight from Alpha Centauri (by military-grade chopper, of course).


OOC: My Pentagon-equivalent is named appropriately the Duodecagonal Complex. I'll look into this 'dodecahedral,' and see if it's more aesthetically pleasing.


Dear sirs we here at Faux Broadcasting a susedary(sp) of C.B.S would like to broadcast any and all things that happen at the execution. Basicley we are asking for you to film it and send it to us. Please I need a hit I dont wanna lose my job please*the rest is smeared with white powder and tears.*


Sure, we'll tape it and send it to you. No problem. What's with the white powder, though?



Emperor Antonius looked up from his bottle of Black Death Vodka only to witness a red and white striped rocket explode in a cloud of multi-colored smoke, showering candy upon the heads of the Zoogie people.

"I gotta stop drinkin'..."


President Hansien put an arm on Antonius's shoulder. "Now, Antonius, that's nonsense. Have some more vodka." Then he jumped onto the podium again, and shouted, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE EXECUTION AWAITS!"

And ran off like a crazy person towards the colosseum some five hundred meters away, starting a grand, chaotic procession behind him, led by the Presidential Marching Band, drum major Titus Squigglius Drumajorius.

Sincerely sorry. Will do tomorrow. Promise.

The candy then, on Hansien's command, deployed their nanobotic mines, which exploded thousands of 5-cm diameter holes in the fish net, causing the candy to fall through as the net split at the seams and collapsed.

I feel bad for whoever was eating it.

(And we feel bad for you too.)

A dodecahedron is a 20-sided polyhedrons.

The crew of the Hakurabi scrambled up the ladders inside the joints and settled down in their comfortable viewing gondolas, and then began throwing geometric polyherdons in ascending order, from tetrahedrons to hecatohedrons. Some even threw up to dohecatohedrons.

The cheering in the colosseum suddenly dimmed when the announcer's voice boomed across the intercom. "Ladies, Gentlemen, and Gender-Queer ones!" the voice said in an annoying manner. "Behold the UnCherub'd Soul!"

The One that Made Fun of Parabolas was then led across the colosseum, shouting "Parabolas are the suckiest thing that ever sucked!" in vain defiance.

It was a festive atmosphere. Thousands of cheering Zoogies and other-nation-peoples roared in anticipation and hot dog vendors sold refreshments to the guests. Television cameras were posted every fifty feet or so on the outer perimeter of the colosseum.

President Hansien himself was seated in a seat of the shape of Zoogie, and one of the other delegates, whose name or nationality has been forgotten, but is most likely Borman, is sitting in a parabolic seat.

Next to President Hansien was Antonius. "Quick," said the president to his attendents. "I want a large bucket of cold water poured over this man's face." He motioned to a creepy-looking figure lying on the ground, mumbling incoherently and clutching a gigantic, hyperbolic-shaped bottle of vodka. "I don't want him to miss this."

The attendents proceeded as requested immediately.

Then from ever corner of the stadium rushed the Worshippers of Parabolas, clad in parabolic rags, and holding pieces of cloth of various significant mathematical shapes. And as a dog would herd sheep, so they did the Silly Person who Hates Math, towards the Giant Parabolic Pit of DOOM...striking the Foolish One with their rags of conic section-ness.

Meanwhile, Praetorius General L. Quintus Lasugus looked on with satisfaction. He was busily conversing with a Raeveyrian delegate (botched the spelling, I think) about the weed-out-the-uncherubic-ones program he was currently running. A Tyrandis vendor then passed, and the said General ordered a large popcorn, cheese-flavored, but light on the butter.

http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=7969113#post7969113

Antonius sat up with a start as the icy water splashed into his face.

"Wha-"

He got to his feet and saw that the ceremony had begun. As the one who had made fun of parabolas was led to the Parabolic Pit of Doom, he began shouting undecipherable obscenities that were so obscene small animals nearby caught fire and exploded. He raised the bottle of vodka and hurled it at the silly girl (who was not attractive in the least). Then he casually took a seat on the railing.

OOC: Forgotten, Ill show you for- I mean ok.

IC: Bhalk began to roar obsenities (sp?) then begna to throw some of the explosive candy at the girl.

The candies then exploded, and then it became obvious that these candies were not grenade-laced, but actually microtechnology fireworks. Several streaks of light shot up into the sky, and fireworks exploded of various colors, but mostly of the color #cc66cc, in the shapes of parabolas and zoogies.

Then the Praetorius General T. Quintus Lasugus, standing at the Pit of Parabolic DOOM, took up a Grand Cherubic Torch, and lit the torches that encircled (or en-parabolised) the said Pit, causing fire to shoot out from all sides of it, in a sinister fashion.

Then he chanted wildly, stomping the torch into the ground and stamping his left foot, crooning as a caveman would. To this, the crowd joined in.

Several animals then caught fire, and exploded, adding to the sinister-ness of the festivities. And then from yonder came flying a bottle of vodka, and landed perfectly into a lighted bowl of fire directly in front of the Parabolic Pit.

The chanting continued, as the UnCherubly One was led directly to this fire. T. Quintus Lasugus, along with Publius Squigglius, stood on either side of the bowl of Fire and chanted and stomped in unison.

"Push the bitch in!"

"Yeah ra- I mean, push her in!"

L. Quintus Lasugus then proceeded on a long, inflammatory, passionate, fervent, and altogether very flagrant speech denouncing the lady's denouncing of parabolas, and denouncing those who dislike parabolas in general.

As Hawaiian Islands hear about the news. The President waits eagerly about the news and reports of the conflict about this.

"We will declare war on Zoogies when this woman dies. 400,000 soldiers will be sent along 10,000 Humvees, 3,000 Armoured Abrams, 1,500 Crusaders, and 10,000 Scorpions."

Though, the President has never said this like a lie. This is a conflict that will, again, increase our revenues of properties and incomes.

We hear from the War Minister of Hawaii about this issue.

"This is outraged. We could at least use that wonderful girl as a pornstar model that we can pay less and torture them that way! At least she'll get paid for that she does for us! But no chance we are going to treat this girl a extremely torture punishment. We will wage war."

About this issue, we have also problems with defense. Words from our Defense Minister.

"We cannot wage this war. Our defense forces has dropped a all-time low in our nation's history. We need a draft. We have already a insufficient amount of soldiers. If we wage war, we will have a 50,000 soldier drop to 10,000. This will not be enough!"

OOC: wtf?

Then, Lasugus and Squigglius turned ninety degrees, and held their torches aloft such that they crossed at a perpendicular angle, making an archway for the Parabola Hater to be led through. The Parabola Hater was then struck with a gigantic parabolic towel, and bourne under the torches, through the Eternal Flame aided by Vodka, and into the Parabolic Pit of DOOM.

Screams could be heard thence, as the Parabola Hater struggled to not slide down into the Pit. Then from the heavens descended a haloed figure on a cloud. This, the announcer described venerably, was the Holy God of Factoring.

http://home.ripway.com/2004-1/54396/hfg.gif

(I made these images for myself a long, long time ago. Just a note of assurance for those of you who have begun to fear for my sanity.)

"DOWN, ye Lynn!" cried the Holy God of Factoring, his trademark phrase. And the Parabola Hater, whose name, by the way, is Lynn, began to fall as the Holy God of Factoring rained down fifth-degree polynomials at her. Fire billowed and shrowded the Parabolic Pit, and when the smoke cleared, the Holy God of Factoring was nowhere to be seen.

Instead, from the Pit of Doom arose a terrifying, towering, red figure, an Agent of the Holy God of Math.

http://home.ripway.com/2004-1/54396/hmg.gif

(Refer to above OOC note.)

His teeth gnashed together, and the chopped body of the Parabola Hater was evident within its metal mouth. He laughed, a tremendous, booming, haughty laugh, as the One who thinks math Unfun was swallowed up and sent to the Pits of Math Hell.

And the crowd erupted in celebration, waving parabola-shaped balloons around, throwing confeti, and chanting, "Zoogies! Zoogies! Zoogies! Zoogies!"

Then the Agent of the Holy God of Math raised his arms in triumph, and roared. Many, many people say that then, fire spewed from his mouth.

And there was much rejoicing.

After much rejoicing, Antonius smoked a cigarette and passed out.

"Yes, the bitch is dead!"

OOC: Owned

OOC: That was good

IC: "Party to celebrate!"

ooc: Holy damnation, I missed another good thread. Damn.

OOC: *bows*

Hansien then called for a continuous night of festivities to further celebrate the occasion, and for more ice-cold water for the oft-fainting Antonius. And then a Giant Hand of Censoring-Things came down from the sky, and pushed the scene away as the colosseum erupted in celebration with wildest abandon, and there was blackness.

And then appeared on the screen, "Let this roleplay be closed." Click.

"Bye everybody."

*Untags*