NationStates Jolt Archive

OOC: Since it says here (http://thirdgeek.com/nseconomy/nseconomy.php?nation=Tyrandis) that I lose over four trillion dollars a year in govt. waste, I figure I may as well explain why that happens...

IC:

Tyrandis News Service Broadcast


For tonight's top story, a major scandal has been uncovered in the Department of Defense. Evidently, the so-called 'black project' budget that accounts for discrepancies in the govt. expense budgets was used to commission an extensive ten year study on the effect of how toilets manufactured with Aurum-alloys could effect military readiness.

"It's an outrage!" screamed Senator Sheila Waterknight. "We expect the use of our tax dollars to go to the actual nuts and bolts, the guns and ammo, not on how fucking golden toilets can make our generals have a nicer shit!" Immediately afterward, deputies restrained the Senator and escorted her out of the Senate building.

An irate Executor Xavier Davidson has called for an immediate investigation into the matter. Meanwhile, a number of low-level administration officials involved in the matter have been under scrutiny by the Securities & Exchange Commission, for their lavish lifestyles. Speculation around Sydney says that these clerks had embezzeled funds from the study.

The report, released today, is titled "Golden Bathrooms and their Effect on Overall Effectiveness" and spans sixty pages. Its official conclusion is that upgrading standard-issue toilets with gold plating is not cost effective, to no one's surprise.

Wow...I mean...wow...can I get one of those toilets?

Emperor Nero Trotsky

“What!?” screamed the Minister of War. “They’re not effective!?”
“Apparently not, sir.” Thomas von Leifric’s aide didn’t seem particularly enthusiastic, giving the report. “The report out of Tyrandis pretty clearly proves it.”
“Goddamn it! This goes against all common sense! All these years we’ve been wasting the metal! We could have been using the gold in improving our television sets and we’ve been wasting them on toilets!?” The Minister let out a stream of swear words.
“Apparently, sir.”
“Well… there’s no time to lose, major! Get working on transferring out toilet gilding budget to our television gilding budget immediately!”

"Wait. Gold plated toilets?"
"Yessir."
"We should try that."
"Yessir. If you say so sir."

The medical attendant walked out of Jaygus Lutch's room and shook his head at the stupidity of the world. He punched in his code and left the Maximum Security Mental Institution.

((OOC: I couldn't resist... =xX= ))
------

After about three hours working on documents of the Republic.. (i.e. the really boring kind..) ..the Excellency, along with his Advisors were weary.

Finally.. "Man.. *ploping a light pen down* ...someone tell me why I do this job again?"

Keiichi blurts in dour tone... "For the good of the stars.."

A number of annoyed groans, and Aleaic.. "Ah.. well..." ..then stands up.

"Well, time to deal with a matter of 'state'..."

As Aleaic heads for his private.. um.. place, Skuld mentions. "Jeeze, just call it a bathroom already."

A few chuckles at the Excellency's expense, and an annoyed Excellency heads for.. (Skuld said it..)

A couple of silent moments.. then...

A strange and 'blinding' flash of gold comes from the slidehatch, almost immediately followed by horrid screams of pain!!

Everyone looks up suddenly.. "What in.."

Tsunami suddenly adds.. "Oh, the decorators must have finished redoing the private latrine." ..which gets strange looks from the others.

Tsunami defends. "I thought love would appreciate one with a chrome, 24 karat display..

..it even has diamonds."

As the others simply nods and verbally applaud Tsunami's taste, all that can be heard coming from the golden 'halo' is.. ":: AHHHH!! MY EYES! MY EYES!!! ::"

The Excellency had to wear eyeglasses for the next two NS weeks after to recover his vision...

...even at night. =##=;;;;;

OOC: Well, according to NSEconomy, Government waste seems to be calculated by subtracting govt expenditures from the actual govt budget.

Which means that you don't so much lose 4 trillion a year as you have that much money left over year after year.

That's how I understand it anyway...

"Gold-plated toilets you say?"
"Yes Mr. President. Gold!"
"Hmmm...but wouldn't it be a pain in the ass for a woman to need one of those toilets at 45 degrees fahrenheit?"
"Sir, there hasn't been a women working in the government since Paulina Rubio stole Presidential power and immediatly scared all the men."
"Nice, so tell me why we don't have stand-up toilets in the bathroom again?"
"Because you spent it on a new plasma T.V. for your soccer games"
"I DID? Wow! How much did that cost?"
"Sir, please. The inevitable war at hand?"
"Oh...right...damn you suck"