NationStates Jolt Archive

In Toku City, as in all other cities in Taldaan, there is a certain calm and quiet. Parrots flap and squawk, and the occasional monkey can be seen bounding across the rooftops, but such are the noises of Southern Taldaan. That is what you get for building a city in the middle of the rainforest, although as the lost Japanese explorer who founded it was at least a little eccentric, no-one can really blame him. No, the reason Toku is calm is because, as in all other cities in Taldaan, cars are banned. Bicycles are allowed, rickshaws are allowed, even unicycles. And, after some long-ago administrative foul-up, so are ice-cream vans.

In the middle of Golden Plaza, Toku City, lay a man. He was quite still, and didn't appear to be breaqthing. He was still alive, but unconcious. Across his back were countless scoops of strawberry ice-cream. He just lay there as it melted across his shirt, leaving stains that would probably never come out. A crowd slowly formed around him. Onlookers gasped and stared at the first victim of the wave of terror yet to come.

At the wheel of the Mr Creamy ice-cream van sat Herman. Herman was a broken man. His wife had just left him, taking the children with her. He had lost his job at the law firm, and not been able to pay the rent on his house. He had got stuck in a ddead-end job. He was contemplating suicide. What finally pushed him over the brink was his Smartie addiction. Tubes and tubes of them were stuffed into his pockets, strewn around his house, even in the van itself.
In the back of the van, armed with tubs of ice-cream and his trusty home-made spring-loaded ice-cream scoop-catapult was Tom, Herman's partner in crime and fellow ice-cream man. He had been lured into this with promises of vodka, and there was nothing that he wouldn't do now. His straggly beard hung off him like a small piece of carpet, and it was the reason why they had never had many customers.
Their mission: to conduct devastating drive-by ice-cream attacks across the length and bredth of Toku, showing no mercy, ice-creaming men, women, children, and pets alike, until they had satisfied their crazed bloodlust and the good name of Mr Creamy was destroyed forever.
The man lying in the centre of Golden Plaza had been their first victim. Tom had plastered him with a lethally accurate hail of strawberry icecream. It would be a few hours before he came round.

The ice-cream van rounded the tight corner on two wheels, Tom hanging out of the service window. A little old lady was ruthlessly splattered with a volley of Rum and Raisin, flying backwards and sticking to a nearby wall. A passing parrot was shot from the air by a deadly scoop of Mint Chocolate Chip, feathers trailing as it plummeted towards the ground. Behind the speeding van was a trail of ice-cream splatters, unconcious bodies, and the fading strains of Colonel Bogey, as it raced into the night.

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The next morning, anyone watching TV would have seen the following report

We're here at the scene, where ice-cream havoc has struck Toku City. A rogue Mr Creamy ice-cream van was sighted several times last night travelling at great speed and launching ice-cream at passers-by. The President has declared a state of emergency, and has appealed for foreign aid to help with this disaster. We're now going to interview Mrs Vera Debenham, who is still plastered to a wall with Rum and Raisin ice-cream....

ooc: This is where you come in, to hunt down the van. I'll close this after enough people arrive. Two rules:
1. Don't kill
2. No destruction, except for possibly the van.

ooc: Damn it. Replies? Why does no-one ever reply?

"Interesting.." Markus watched the news clip and picked up the phone. "Connect me with someone in the Taldaani government, I would like to offer our assistance with the recent events in Toku City."

Steven Wright, his first in command sat across from him. "Do you want me to mobilize the 2nd Tac?" The 2nd Tac was one of the highly trained tactical defense units of the HDC, trained in urban tactics and well equipped for anything.. well almost anything.

"Yes, have them prepared in case we get the request from the Taldaanis. Have them pack light, they have expressed their wishes not to have bloodshed on this."

"I can have them ready and on the tarmac in a half hour Markus."

"Do that please Steven. I will notify the PM that we have volunteered men to help the Taldaanis."

"Consider it done Sir.. will that be all?" he asked..

"Yes, I will radio you once I head from the Taldaani government if this is a 'go' or not."

OOC: I am willing to commit a platoon of my SWAT for this.. it should be interesting. TG or IM me if I am in.

Thankyou, friends. Please come with all possible speed. Our police are being left for dead.

Official Government Response

ooc: I'm willing to commit a unit of Skorpion Raiders for this. They're my urban combat/state terrorist group.

"Yea... want some aid to help stop the van?"-The Great Leader Li.

To the Great Leader Li

Thank you. We need the assisstance. This situation is rapidly getting out of hand.

OOC: Yee haw boys, we're hunting ice cream vendors. We can meet up at their airport MassPwnage and coordinate efforts. I don't want my combat troops to get sorbet on their uniforms. heh

10:30 PM local time

The radio crackled to life... "Go 'Green Alpha' for Operation Dreamsicle"

The engines of the C-130 were already turning at idel waiting for the notification from central command. The platoon leader, John Starks, notified the pilot that the green was given and they were clear to proceed. The flight had already been cleared for take-off, the engines roared to life and they dark grey aircraft made its way down the runway and rumbled off into the night.

ooc: My entire NATION is jungle.

Toku:(after the Skorpions arrived by cargoplane)

1 Skorpion raider (human) dressed up as a civilian was splattered by Ice cream as the truck passed. But, as the truck passed, he threw a small transmitter into the wheel well, where it fell onto the axle. They would either not know about it, or have to stop to get it off. Meanwhile, the transmitter broadcasted to Taldaan police and to the Skorpions and Henrytopians where exactly the ice cream truck was.

The Mr Creamy van roared down the middle of the wide street, past the covered shopfronts and cafes. Onlookers, or at least those who were not buried in ice-cream, stared as the driver threw the vehicle into a reckless powerslide. The tyres screeched as it went, and it nearly tipped over. There was a shout as someone dived out of the way.

Herman laughed dementedly as he pushed down harder on the accelerator. This was perfect. He could have revenge on the city and the people that ruined him. His eyes gleamed as he saw another pedestrian get a faceful of vanilla. He flicked the radio on and turned up the volume. Tom sang along to the song, all the while letting fly at random passers-by. He laughed too, as the police station was bombarded with ice-cream, scoops sliding down the walls. A few of the police officers rushed out of the door, only to see the back end of the van racing away into the distance.

"Herman? We're nearly our of ice-cream."
"Very well, Tom. To the secret lair!"

The secret lair was a run-down warehouse by the river. Abandoned for years, it had been discovered by Herman and Tom when they had begun to make their anarchistic plans. Believing it to be a perfect hideout, they had ignored the mice, woodworm, rising damp, and lack of structural integrity, and used it as somewhere to live and park the van. The van which had just come in through the double doors. Herman and Tom went upstairs to their living area. They could continue tomorrow....

ooc: The Taldaani police aren't really bothered, although they have to look like they are. They can't be bothered to hunt them down, they probably couldn't do it anyway, and they think it's funny.

Number 1) You guys strange.

Number 2) I LIKE ICE CREAM

Number 3) Can I blow your entire nation to hell? PLEEEEAAAASE

Number 4) Drain bramage dun guud fur mi! :headbang:

Randy Marsh had been listening to the communications while the 2nd Tac unloaded their gear and prepared for action. Some of the men laughed when they heard the almost comical radio chatter between the local police as they ran around in vain trying to stop the mad ice cream truck driver.

"We've got intel on the van boys.. we have other friendlies, the Skorpion Radiers, on the ground at the scene and they have planted a tracking device on the ice cream truck."

"All right, gear up and lets get moving, I want the squad leaders mobile in five."

SIC: Skorpion Raiders command - we have the following resources available

40 man platoon; 2 elements of eight (5) man squads.
8 humvees

Marsh leads 1st element and Wilkins leads 2nd element. Tac squads are highly trained SWAT like counter terrorist soldiers. We follow your point officer in this action.

SIC to Henrytopians: "Alright, we have 8 agents and 1 Anti-Grav APC several hundred meters from the house. The capture of these 2 mentally derranged freaks shouldn't be hard. Our scouts report that they park the van downstairs and live upstairs. The first goal is to secure the ice cream van so that they can't continue rampage. Secure the entrances to the warehouse first, and get some technicians to scan for any booby traps they might have inn the warehouse. Get snipers to watch the upper windows for any activity and shoot, but not to kill if necessary *use wheatgrass bullets or soy dip rocket launchers (we'll provide those) to counter the unhealthy ice cream.*

Once the booby trap scan is complete, take element one and one half of element 2 to clear the warehouse, we'll disable the booby traps and secure the van."

"We're arrived on site and will dispatch our resources as directed.." the Humvees were pulled up near the Skorpion APC. The men performed one last check of their gear as they awaited to hear their assignments.

"Is this for real?" Ramirez chuckled and shook his head in disbelief.

"I dunno man, I have been on some weird ops before but this takes the cake." his squad mate sitting next to him said.

"Ice cream Billy, it doesn't take the cake, its ice cream in this case." Ramirez said with a grin on his face. The others in the humvee laughed.

In the command humvee, Marsh looked over at the driver and simply nodded his head, "Some day, some of these stories will make for a best seller you know that?"

Marsh then spoke into his comm “All right men, I want sniper cover on the upper windows, any hostile movement and I want to hear about it. Anyone attempts to exit and I want them taken down, do not shoot to kill, give them a horrible limp, that’s fine with me.”

The comm units clicked once in acknowledgment.

“Wilkins will take second element and scan the warehouse for booby traps. I want another team to disable any vehicles in the area they can use as an escape. Eyes open people, don’t get any ice cream on you. Everyone understood?”

He heard muted chuckles from the men around him.

====

SIC Skorpion command:
We have our men in place as instructed. We have sniper cover on windows and possible exits. Two teams have vehicles covered, one is taking out the van. We have 2nd element ready to scan for booby traps and will assist in entry to clear. Our men are on your frequency and I have turned over command to OIC.

ooc; OIC?

ooc; OIC?

OOC: My bad, Officer in Charge.

"Herman?"
"Yes, Tom?"
"The warehouse is surrounded. They have guns."
Tom was staring out of one of the top-floor windows. He ducked back, hoping that the men on the ground hadn't seen him.
"Stay away from the windows, idiot. They have guns. If they see you.."
Herman mimed his head exploding.
"Remember, Tom. These are evil agents of the Government. If they see you, they will shoot you and eat your babies."
"I don't have any babies."
"Maybe not, but I'm sure that the Government will find them anyway. Now, follow me. We must escape down the manhole. Have you got the disguises?"
"I'll go and get them"

Herman squeezed his way down into the disused sewer tunnel. These served as their only escape route now that they were surrounded. The old sewers had been built in the times when the British Empire owned Taldaan. Although they were not used now, they were big enough to walk through, provided you crouched down quite a bit.
"Come on, Tom. They're coming in."
Tom climbed down and slid the grate over their heads. Herman turned on his torch.
"Remember what I told you? We follow this under the river and pop out somewhere on the other side."
A rat ran past, as two men, one fat, one thin, each wearing the cunning disguise of a Batman mask and a false mustache, crawled through the damp tunnels. Hopefully the people outside wouldn't think to follow them. However, it looked as if their ice-creaming days were over. Their trusty Mr Creamy van would be impounded, although they could always take up a new line of work...........

"Tom, have you ever thought about being a Marxist rebel? You know, like that guy with the hat?"
"A Marxist rebel? Thats even crazier than what we did today."
"I'll give you vodka."
"Okay, Herman. All glory to the proletariat!"
And they squelched along their way, Tom occasionally screaming every time he saw a rat.

Outside their command humvee they waited anxiously for someone to make a move..

"All teams, report in." Marsh called over the comm.

One by one they checked in, someone had taken a quick glance through one of the windows upstairs but not much since. There had been some movement but nothing out of the ordinary, the house was surrounded.

Just then he heard a faint, shrill scream, like a little girl. Marsh looked around, "What the hell was that?"

"I heard it too sir, it sounded like a high pitched scream from somewhere?"

They looked around, nothing close.. where did that..

"Ops 2, we have all exits covered?" he called into the comm.

"Yessir, they ain't coming out without one of our guys seeing them, why?"

He looked again.. "Shit.." he saw a manhole cover across the street from the house.. "they may have found a way out!" he called out "Ops 3 and 4 form on me now!"

Oh come on, no one even laughed.

Oh come on, no one even laughed.

OOC: I can't wait to have our guys chasing those two on a motor scooter through the city while dressed in batman outfits with fake moustaches..

Most of the Skorpions, either Lizardmen, or hybrids could sense the infrared profiles of the two men as they walked through the sewers. A Skorpion signaled to the Henrytopians.

Their bodies were warm, their flashlight was warmer. This would be easy.... unless of course they suddenly generated a large amount of heat in the form of an explosion or they masked their trail by hiding behind something that would conduct their heat out, like a heavy sheet of metal.

Sultan Kradal glanced down at the Olgiy Telegraph.

"Hmmm.....Ice Cream assaults, eh.....LAMDAN!"

The Sultan's secretary, Lamdan, came scuttling through the doorway into the Isosceles Trapezium Office, carrying some toast.

"Yes sir?"

"Look at this!"

"I'm not sure it's really any of our business, sir."

"No! You stopped me sending aid with North Germania, you stopped us from investing in a navy to send more aid to places-"

"Sir, we're landlocked."

"Do be quiet! Anyway, you're not going to stop me this time! I'm sending someone in to help! Anyway, I want ice-cream!"

"Sir, fair enough.." Lamdan shook his head. The Sultan was fairly eccentric at his best. "Do you remember this nation? No? I seem to recall that we had someone there when our nation had just started out. We were told off for being complete n00bs as it was an Earth III-only RP and we were effectively commandeering Taldaan's troops. Do you think they're going to welcome us with open arms, even in this time of crisis?"

"Sod that, I want ice cream. Is our man still in there?"

"Yes, he is, but-"

"Well, tell him to help them, and perhaps he could bring back some ice-cream for me."

"Sir, we could make some by freezing mil-"

"Don't spoil it Lamdan."

"Surely it will melt on the way bac-"

"Just tell him to help them!"

"Errr.....yes sir. Are you ready for your pills yet?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Shangel was an aethiest missionary from Chinkopodia, who had not yet been informed that being an aethiest somewhat defeats the point of being a missionary. He wandered around far-away countries with very little money preaching absolutely nothing at all, which was the Sultan's excuse for a religious sector. He'd been wandering around Taldaan for a few years now, although which Earth he was in was a different matter.

He'd just completed a few hours of anti-preaching when he was approached by a messenger - of Chinkian origin. There weren't any other Chinkians here....were there? The messenger walked past him, and as they passed, the messenger slipped a message into his hand.

GO TO TOKU. HELP TRACK DOWN ICE-CREAM CRIMINALS. BRING BACK ICE CREAM.

Surprised, Shangel looked at who the message was from. The ISOSCELES TRAPEZIUM OFFICE! Straight from the Sultan's hand! He had no other choice. He turned around, and set off towards Toku.

ooc: Chinkopodia, sorry about the Earth III thing. I was pissed off that day.

IC: "Tom. Come on. Lets get out of this sewer. We have to leave Toku. The Government are onto us. Did you see all those secret police operatives?"
"Herman, even I know that the Taldaani Government doesn't have secret police."
"Well, you would think that. They're SECRET. Now, hurry up. They could have followed us fairly easily with you screaming like a schoolgirl being poked with a cattle prod!"
Herman poked his head out of the manhole, looking from side to side.
"Its clear. Hurry up!"
He climbed out. It was a squeeze. Tom followed him cautiously.
"Tom, we need to leave Toku and fast. Look for a vehicle."
"But there are no cars in Toku! We're screwed!"
But there it was. Leaning against the wall of a nearby building was a unicycle. It was red, it was shiny, and it looked like the two rebels' only hope for getting out of Toku alive. They ran over to it, picked it up, and Herman sat on it.
"But Herman, there's only one seat. How can I escape?"
"Sit on my shoulders. We can get through this together."
And together they wobbled precariously towards the Western Exit, and the road to Kingsview, Taldaan's largest port city. A trip of four-hundred miles.
But they weren't there yet.....

"Are we sure they headed this way?" One of the men asked as they jogged through the tunnels being careful not to trip up on one of the myriad of tires and other junk that had littered the ground.

"I don't know." Ramirez called out from ahead. "If you have a better idea why don't you take the lead? There aren't signs at the intersections telling us which way they went." He stopped for a moment so they could call in and allow the men to catch their breath. "Ops 3 do you have contact?"

"Negative Ops 4, this place is a maze, they could be anywhere. Ops 2 do you have any movement?" Marsh had not heard any chatter from the Skorpions so he assumed they were out of range. Ops 2 had a better vantage point monitoring the situation from above ground.

"Negative sir." was the reply. Just then he saw the commotion at one of the news vans that had assembled across the street. He quickly switched one of the televisions in the command humvee to a the local station. His jaw dropped.. "Holy shit.. Ops command, I think we found your targets." The comm went silent..

"Well, go ahead Ops 2 we need help here, where the hell are they??" Marsh called out over the radio. "I am sick of running around down here chasing these two idiots!"

"Ops 3, erm, uh, they are topside, but you ain't gonna believe this."

"Jesus Christ man." he turned to the team and signaled them to head to an available exit. "Ops 2, I need a sitrep, where the hell are my contacts headed!?!'

Once again he waited..

"Sir, they exited somewhere ahead of you and are now headed down the main road towards the port... on a unicycle sir."

"Say again??" He must had heard wrong.

"Ops 3, I repeat, the targets are on a unicycle."

"Ops 2, my targets are on unicycles, I copy." This must be a joke he thought to himself.

"No Sir, both of your targets are headed West down Toku Highway on one unicycle, sitting on his shoulders Sir.. and it seems they are wearing batman mask.. and moustaches."

Ops 3 and 4 exited the sewers a few hundred yards from each other not really comprehending what they were hearing over the comm. They headed back to meet the humvees, they would straighten this mess out then..

"Herman, I think they've seen us. Pedal faster!"
Herman duly increased the speed of his pedalling. The unicycle moved faster still, dodging the incredulous citizens, who stared goggle-eyed at the wobbling pair. It rattled across the cobbles of the Imperial Section, Herman's teeth chattering, then they were out and moving rapidly up Daliss Walk. Passengers leaned out of the windows of a passing tram to stare at them. Tom waved happily, momentarily forgetting the life-or-death chase they were in.
"Stop waving, you idiot. You'll draw attention to us."
Herman hadn't quite got the hang of the fact that two men on a unicycle cunningly disguised in Batman masks and elaborate, curly false moustaches were going to attract a lot of attention anyway.
The unicycle veered to the right, Tom nearly falling off. Luckily, he managed to just about keep his balance. The start of the Highway was in sight. Soon they would escape. Soon....

OOC: I am waiting to see if MassPwnage or the newly arriving Chinkopodia would like an opportunity to post.. this is too funny. Props on the storyline though. I am trying not to let you run with it and not make it one-sided. heh

ooc: Yeah. I'm waiting for them as well, now.

The Skorpions sort of chased after the pair on foot, occasionally throwing soy dip packets at Tom and Herman.

Damn this was tiring....

The Skorpion commander, Jennifer Fung (hybrid female) stopped suddenly grinning.

Another Skorpion, Terrence Ai (Human male) stopped, wondering what was wrong.

Jennifer was just laughing, the situation was downright absurd. It wasn't a combat situation, no one was losing any body parts.

When she recovered, she turned to Terrence and said.

"I have a great idea, we need a Spiderman costume, a tandem bicyle and some duct tape."

"What the hell?"

The seargant overheard the Skorpions over the comm and quickly pulled in front the abandoned strip mall; everyone was indoors due to the recent ice cream incident, scared silly.. his humvee came to a screeching halt and nearly went through the window of the store.

"Sweet" the gunner called from above. The humvee doors opened and two of the men jumped out and hastily inside ran off towards the store.

"Skorpion commander, we are in front of a costume store.. I have my men securing the spiderman costume as we speak. We have a roll of duct tape in our supply kit and I think I see a bicycle shop near the end of the mall where we can get a tandem bike! Over.."

Jennifer spoke into the intercom.

"Alright, one of us, dressed up as Spiderman, pedals up in the tandem, and offers them the bike, claiming to sympathize with their cause because Spiderman costume wearer is a member of the Society for Superhero Impersonators. Then, when they switch off, we tackle them and use the duct tape to restrain them. Either that, or we can go ahead, set up a trap using the duct tape, saying their police set it up, then spiderman walks up offering them the tandem and telling them a shortcut, which is really a trap. (ooc: you choose which plan to use)"

Terrence just stared, jaw hanging open. That was the most ridiculous plan he had ever heard. Of course, ice cream slinging criminals weren't quite the norm.

"Brilliant!! We have men retrieving the tandem bike as we speak and should be at your location soon."

As ridiculous as the plan sounded, this was nothing surprising.. here you have highly trained military personnel chasing two loonies wearing batman masks and fake moustaches riding down the street on a unicycle.

Marsh called out over the radio, "We think option 1 would be the best plan but we have sent men ahead to set the duct tape trap in the event it fails."

"Alright then. Get one of your men in the costume on the tandem. 2 of us will be climbing up the highway pillar supports at the place you will be stopping them, and will arrest the suspects as they're switching the bikes off."

Terrence rolled his eyes. Oh well, he thought, maybe this will work.

Ramirez squeezed into the spiderman outfit, he complained to no avail, he was the only person in the platoon that would even fit into it.

"Okay, so I ride this bike down the road and when the two loonies pull up next to me what the hell do I do??" he asked.

The men around him snickered.

"You offer them the tandem bike in exchange for the unicycle.. you are a member of the Society for Superhero Impersonators and wanted to support the cause." Marsh explained once more. Maybe the fourth time he heard it he would comprehend it.

"Got it. When do I get to shoot them?" he asked as he wiggled the mask over his head.

"You don't shoot them Ramirez. Play along man, this isn't that difficult for even you! No guns!" Marsh was irritated..

"No handcuffs either?"

"Get out of my face and start pedaling spiderman.."

As he rode off he thought to himself.. 'I am never going to live this down'

"Skorpion Raiders this is TAC command, our man is go."

Ice cream? What kind of demon would resort to using ice cream on innocent civilians? I believe that I have no choice but to go to DEFCON RED and prepare for a nuclear bombardment.

We've managed to isolate the two individuals responsible for the ice cream debacle.. they are the masked characters on the unicycle. We are in the process of apprehending them shortly, we hope...

Ramirez made a terrible attempt at whistling as he pedaled the bicycle made for two down the avenue..

"God I must look ridiculous.." he said out loud, forgetting the others could hear him on the comm.

"You look fine Ramirez, you are being braodcast live on TNN.. you are doing us proud." He covered the mike so he would not be heard, Marsh looked at Wilkins and laughed.. "You have to admit this is quite funny though."

"Ops 4, we have the target approaching."

**3228 lightyears away, the satellite feed through the microwormhole transmits the news broadcasts from the nation of Taldaan to the President of the Plutonian Empire, who sits behind his desk, laughing hysterically. Within minutes, he has the Empire's TV broadcasting networks inturrupt all regular programming to bring the news feed to everyone.**

President: This is too good to miss... :D

Shangel pushed back a fern frond and stared at Toku. It certainly was a bigger city than he imagined. Now, what did he have to do..?

He slipped the paper out of his pocket again.

GO TO TOKU. TRACK DOWN ICE-CREAM CRIMINALS. BRING BACK ICE-CREAM.

Track down.....like....detective? Once again, he wondered why the Chinkian government had hired him. He must be special. Perhaps there was information he didn't know about himself....PERHAPS there was a whole conspiracy based around him! Mind you, with David Ike around, that was far from impossible. In fact, the truth was that the Sultan couldn't be arsed to send someone there, and so called in Shangel, who was in there anyway.

He walked on a bit further, when he saw an elderly woman plastered to a wall by ice cream. Aha! A clue! Mmmmm.....strawberry.

"Who did this to you?"

"The ice-cream men."

"Aha! I knew it! Do you know where they are?"

"They're being chased by Special Ops, dearie. They just passed on a unicycle."

Damn!

"Well, should you need any help, here's my card. Please come in for some aethiest preaching any time. Got to go! BYE!"

"Could you please free me from.....oh, he's gone."

-----------------------------------------------------

Shangel glanced down the street. He had already tracked them down! He must be special! The were turning off the end of this Avenue, around....a hairpin turn! Around into another, parallel road! If he hurried, he could cut them off! He dashed across the road and into an alleyway between two shops. He didn't have long, almost at the end.....dammit. The unicycle passed. He'd never catch them at this rate. He reached the end of the alleyway.....hey! A man on a tandem! I could catch up after all! He sprinted towards the end of the alleyway and swung himself up onto the second, free seat on the tandem. The man was wearing a Spiderman costume, he'd noticed some in a nearby shop window. The bike wobbled from his momentum. The man in the suit turned around, shocked.

"Who the hell are you!?"

"Never mind, just follow that unicycle! I'm doing the Taldaani government a great favour!"

"So am I, on both terms! Get off my bike!"

"No! I''ll pedal too! You'll go faster! I'm following the men too, so it's win-win. Oh yes, here's my card....."

Shangel leaned over and slipped his card into the man's Spiderman suit. He swerved widly.

"Aaaaarggh! Don't do that! Get off this bike!"

"LOOK OUT!"

The man swerved to avoid the lampost in front of him....and behind a stationary car transporter. The bike hit the ramped upper deck and shot into the air. The unicycle was visible below, and someone shouted from below "Use your Spidie-powers!"

Oh, shit.

As they went airborne Ramirez pondered the recent events that had transpired over the last several hours. He was not used to this, after all he had been a highly trained soldier for the last four years of his life, killing was nothing new.. but this was something he was completely unprepared for.

"Erm, uh, Ops 2, command, it seems like we have a small problem." the voice over the radio called out.

The men sat safely in their humvees watching the action unfold from a safe distance. Marsh, in the command vehicle, stared incredulously through his binoculars. "Jesus chocolate christmas what in the hell!?!" He dropped the binoculars on the ground and threw his hands up in the air in disbelief. "Who in the hell just jumped on the bike with Ramirez!?!"

Herman looked around just in time to see someone in a spiderman costume on a tandem bike launch into the air. He seemed to have a passenger. Both looked less than happy about the arrangement. In a flash, Herman skidded the unicycle around in a tight corner. Tom wobbled and then fell off, landing in the middle of the road.
"Herman, why did you just do that?"
"Because, Tom, we are disguised as superheros. To make the disguise convincing, we must help out any superheros we see along the way. And, in case you haven't noticed, Spiderman looks to be in a hurry. There must be a dreadful crime somewhere. We have to offer our assistance."
"Okay, Herman."
Herman got off the bicycle. Pulling himself up to his full height, jumping up and down, and waving his arms in the air like a cheerleader on crack, he shouted
"Hey, Spiderman! Over here!"

"Holy batshit!! Everyone stand down!" he called into the comm. The entire platoon was about to go in guns blazing to end this once and for all, it was bordering on ridiculous. So ridiculous that unbeknownst to anyone there, the live news feed was being broadcast with circus music playing in the background.

“Snipers have targets in their sight and are ready on your signal sir.” In the likelihood that this plan fell apart as was the case, Marsh had every sniper in the team focus on the two men. The snipers were using tranquilizers that were more than enough to subdue a large moose so these two were in the bag.

"Give the command tp have everyone taken down now."

"Sir, everyone?"

"Yes, everyone, including Ramirez.. I do not want so much as a chance that these characters get away again."

The go code was given, the snipers all had their targets and almost in unison a barrage of shots was fired from every possible angle.

The last thing Ramirez remembered before he felt the sharp pain was the approaching batmen, one frantically waving while the other precariously balanced the unicycle and barking orders.

“Ouch.” His body went limp and he fell to the ground.

Unfortunately all of the snipers had Ramirez in their sights and no one bothered to focus in on the other three men. The lethal dose of tranquilizers effectively killed poor Ramirez on the spot.

The three remaining men all stood there looking at Ramirez as he lay on the ground, riddled with darts.

Marsh looked through the binoculars as Ramirez fell off the tandem bike and hit the pavement while the other three men stood looking around. “You have got to be freaking kidding me?!?”

"Spiderman! No! You can't die now!"
Herman was distraught. He sat at the dead man's side, crying his eyes out. Tom sat at his side.
"Herman, shouldn't we leave?"
"That would ruin the deception."
Standing up, Herman turned back to the city. The wind blew theatrically, causing his hair and his false moustache to stream out behind him.
"I will return, and avenge Spiderman's death. Fear me, evildoers, wherever you are."
Turning to Tom, he whispered
"Come on, while they're still staring at the body."
"But Herman, how did you start crying like that?"
Herman produced an aerosol of Mace.
"With this. It made my eyes water, but it hurts like a bitch and I can't see. You'd better steer."

They all watched over the television the as one of the batmen gave a speech, tears seemed to be streaming from his eyes and the wind blew his hair and false moustache in a scene reminiscent of an old Hollywood movie. It was very Harrison Ford'ish really. The men of the 2nd TAC were visibly choked up as they watched the television.

*sniffle* "Don't just stand around, send someone out there to retrieve Ramirez! We leave no one behind!!" Marsh yelled to his men.

He watched as the two batmen hopped on the tandem bike and the new participant to this mess did his best to balance the unicycle. They rode off wobbling as they went along, one man yelling obscenities to pedal faster..

The 2 Skorpions scrambled up the pillars supporting the highway, their huge claws ripping holes in the reinforced concrete. They climbed up top. Ramirez's infrared signature suddenly matched that one of the air temperature. Damn. The Spiderman plot didn't work. New plan time.

Jennifer radioed Marsh.

"What the hell? Our guys were supposed to grab them! Move in down the highway and try to block off the next 5-6 exit ramps!"

She then radioed the 2 Skorpions on the bridge.

"GET THEM!"

One of the Skorpions chased after the Tandem on foot, because he was a lizardman and weighed 900 pounds. The other one, a lighter hybrid shoved the atheist missionary off the unicycle and began pedaling in pursuit.

Marsh replied from the humvee now speeding towards the men on the bicycle, "Well, we thought we had this in the bag as well until the third guy showed up."

A ragged line of eight humvees motored down the road at full speed running over small trees, bushes, mailboxes even the occasional cat. Astonishingly enough no animals were injured during the filming of this mo..

The lead humvees approached the Skorpions that had taken chase.. "Uh, don't hit them."

"I DRIVE!" shouted the hybrid as he leapt from the unicycle onto the humvee, tearing off the door with his claws. He sat on the lap of driver, almost breaking his thighs (ooc:he's a more lizardly hybrid, so he weighs 500+ pounds, humanesque hybrids still weigh more than 200+lbs due to the 8 foot long tail) and floored the accelerator. The Lizardman hopped on the Skorpion APC as it blasted past at 100+ mph.

The Hybrid was what most people call an extremely reckless driver. The Skorpions, being the official state terrorist group of the People's Republic did plenty of drive-by shootings and bank robberies. The Hybrid was almost always the driver in those cases.

Most people assume that a Hummer cannot hit 125mph. Most people however, don't take apart their grenades and feed small bits of explosives into their gas tank for an extra boost. Sure, it was hell on the engine, but hey, you need speed, when you need speed.

"Herman, they're coming up behind us. Fast!"
"We're doomed, Tom. Be brave,and maybe they'll make our deaths quick."
"But Herman, there's a dinosaur!"
"Okay, we're screwed and we'll soon be eaten. If Spiderman couldn't help, no-one can."
"But Herman, there must be something....."
"Have you got any dinosaur repellent?"
"No."

The hybrid leapt from the Hummer as it passed the 2 men on the tandem, he missed the tackle by literally a millimeter, slammed into the pavement and bounced/rolled 4-5 times before coming to a jarring halt, because he slammed headfirst into a concrte barrier, cracking his helmet in 2, but leaving the skull and brain underneath unharmed. The Hybrid got up and began attempting to catch up. Then a whole lot of delayed realization hit him. The Hummer was still hurtling down the road at 125mph, and it was headed right for a concrete bridge support.

"Well damn, you could have asked nicely and I would have shown you the NOS button?? First you tear my door, you practically crush me and now my engine is probably shot to hell."

Then Hybrid leapt out of the speeding humvee. The driver watched the Hybrid as it bounced and rolled across the pavement; making sure he would not run anyone over accidentally he payed too much attention to them and not the road. He failed to notice the concrete bridge in front of him. A strange twist of fate since motor vehicles were outlawed, there was no need for an overpass, go figure?

The driver turned and smiled, "Oh shi..." and then the vehicle impacted the bridge at well over 100 mph and exploded with enough force to collapse the concrete support and cause the entire bridge to come crumbling down.

Herman and Tom were knocked to the ground by the percussion of the explosion. The Hybrid stood there and admired the mess he created and shrugged. "Oops"

The shockwave lifted the bike, Herman, and Tom into the air. They came down in a tangle, and due to the numbness caused by the impact, it took them around a minute to work out who's leg was who's. The bike wasn't in such good shape. It looked like it had been sat on by Godzilla.
"Damn it. Now we've got to outrun them."
"Outrun them, Tom? I still can't see. We must stand and fight."
And with that, they turned around, planted their feet, and prepared to fight.
"Tom, what have you got in your pockets?"
"Nothing"
"No guns? No chainsaws?"
"Nope."
"Well, it looks like we have to surrender."

They watched the flames subside on the shattered hulk of the humvee, partially covered in concrete. The fire department had not arrived and his men managed to put out as much of the fire as best they could.

As they stood there looking around, shaking their heads in disbelief, Marsh and Wilkins looked at each other. "Damn.. how am I going to explain this mess?" Marsh said as he massaged his temples. He had a splitting headache by now just thinking about it.

"Beats the shit out of me Randy, that's why you get paid to run the show.." he patted him on the shoulder and walked off to see if he could help his men, they had found the two Skorpions that had climbed the bridge as part of the plan and were fortunate enough to escape with minor injuries.

A few hundred yards away the Hybrid had Herman and Tom in custody, the religious fanatic that muddled the entire plan up managed to disappear into the bushes. It was pretty easy to subdue them as they were afraid of the 8 foot 500+ pound lizard. The Hybrid picked each man up by the collar and held them up a few inches off the ground as they kicked and squirmed. It wasn't long before the remainder of a very angry Skorpion Raiders detachment arrived in the APC and took the two into custody.

It was finally over..

Shangel had ben peddaling the unicycle when some crazed dinosaur thing flung him off. What the hell was going on? The dinosaur creature continued peddaling until it came level with one of two humees, jumped and drove. It continued until it hit the bridge and demolshed it. He felt ripped off. Those were his criminals! Then he had an idea.....

The driver of the second humvee looked on, astonished. So much, he didn't notice a coarse camel-hair coat flash over his face. He was deprived of breath....he'd always feared dying of strangling. Just before all breath escaped his lungs, the coat was released. While he was gasping for breath, he was flung out of the humvee. It sped off.

---

Shangel left the gasping driver behind him. The humvee had been pretty damaged when the hybrid had hijacked the one next to it. There was a beeping on the dash. Shangel looked down.

NITROUS OXIDE LEAK DETECTED

He smiled. He might just make it. Shangel narrowed his eyes on the surrounded criminals, and floored it. The nitrous oxide leak took the engine into overdrive, it shot forwards towards the men.

---

Herman and Tom stood, gasping at the strange dinosaur-creatures that surrounded them. Tom nudged Herman slowly and made head gestures past the hybrids. They didn't seem to notice. Behind them, another humvee was approaching at break-neck speeds. His jaw practically hit the floor. The humvee passed through a gap in the hybrids. Before they realised what was going on, a door jerked open and a hand grabbed Herman, who himself was holding onto Tom. Both of them were yanked into the passenger seat, and the door slammed shut.

---

The nitrous leak was starting to loose effect, and the bridge was a bit longer than expected. Herman and Tom were quivering on top of each other. The bridge still had a slight rise before the gap, but there wasn't enough speed to jump it. Unless.....When the hybrid had jumped from the unicycle, he'd also hit the side of the second humvee. It had ruptured the side, and some of the floor had been pulled back by the impact, revealing the engine, somewhat battered - presumably how the nitrous oxide leak came about. Shangel only had one chance now - it was risky, but if he didn't do it, he'd die anyway. He took a grendade, pulled out the pin, and threw it into the engine.

"What the hell are you doing!?" screamed Herman. "You'll kill us!"

"So will they. Crouch." Shangel stamped down on the ruptured metal floor plating and leapt into the front. There was a bang from behind. Although Herman, Tom and Shangel suffered severe burns, some of the force was channeled through the exhaust pipe, which exploded with the engine and damaged the back of the hummer. Most of the flames then shot from the back of the hummer, produced a massive boost in speed. It shot to a ridiculous speed, and reached the start of the bridge. It shot up into the air............

...........and smashed into the ground on the other side, bursting into flames. Shangel, Herman and Tom ran like hell from the Humvee, rubbing burns.

"Now," said Shangel, "we don't have long. You know this city better than I do - where shall we run?"

-----------

The hybrids glared across the bridge and howled in anger. They'd escaped.

"We have to leave this city and fast. They know who we are now. But until then, we could probably hide out in the Riverside area."
The Riverside area in Toku City is famous for its small parks and the boat trips along the river. It is also famous for being almost impossible to navigate if you don't know the area. The combination of the narrow, winding streets and the fumes from Iliby's Childrens Creche and Drug Emporium tend to do that to people.
"Who are you, anyway?" Herman asked as they ran like the wind (albeit a slow, limping wind) towards the river.

"Shangel," Shangel replied, "Aethiest missionary."

"Doesn't that somwhat defeat the poin-"

"No, no, no, of course not! I do many hours of preaching to Taldaani citizens!"

"What, like telling them there's no God?"

"No, I just tell them nothing.....errr.....it's tricky to explain, here's my card!" He slipped another laminated card into Tomand Herman's pockets. "I don't think we should stay, we might be surrounded. There are lots of boats by the riverside. Why don't we hijack one!"

"Good idea, I suppose."

And in front of them, moored by the riverside, was a pristine, hi-tech Celeste speedboat.

"Even for an atheist missionary you have good ideas!"
The sleek, dark blue speedboat floated on the river in front of them. The water was calm, serene, and very blue. Herman and Tom climbed into the boat, their new friend and potential partner in crime following closely.
Strangely enough, the boat seemed to be ready to go. There were none of the usual locks. Herman revved the engine experimentally. There was a deep, throaty roar. He started the boat and began to inexpertly manoeuvre it upriver.
"If we follow the right rivers, we can get to almost anywhere in Southern Taldaan!"
They sped down the river, dodging river craft packed full of tourists. Tom waved cheerfully, striking poses for cameras. The boat sped on. Water-birds
flapped out of the way, squawking in terror.

"Well, I hope someone brought air support because we sure as hell can't take up the chase?" Marsh said as he watched the television.. "How do they manage to do it?"

"Now I pose the question to you." said Shangel. "What do we do now? If we stay in Taldaan, then they'll track us down. We can't escape to what used to be Thailand, we'll run out of fuel, although if we could, then we'd have escaped from their clutches. However, we probably have enough to reach other areas of Taldaan. If we're lucky we could reach Sandakan, in what used to be Sarawak, or even Davao, where the Phillipines were!"

"I didn't even know those places existed. So where did Toku use to be?"

"Northern Sulawesi, I think."

"Let's try for Sandakan. Just in case we do run out of fuel."

OOC: That's about the distance from London to Glasgow. They'd be able to stop off at Tarakan to get fuel. If we say the hi-tech speedboat is going about the same average speed as a car on a motorway, allowing for traffic jams, then they'll probably take about 2 1/2 hours to get to Tarakan. Then perhaps we can let something happen to them. :)

ooc: Sarawak? Phillipines? This isn't Earth III. I'm also trying to get them to stay in Taldaan.

IC: "Herman, do you know what he's talking about?"
"I don't know. Maybe these are names for our cities in other languages. I doubt they'll track us down, though. There's so many rivers, they won't know which one to look on. We can go from village to village."
The speedboat sped on, leaving Toku behind.

"We have them in sight still.. poor bastards think they vanished when they took to the water. Send their location to the Skorpions and see if they have a way to intercept them." Marsh was frustrated they could not continue the pursuit but they did not expect things to end up the way they did.

The Skorpion command was notified of the location.. hopefully they could take some sort of action.

OOC: I am kinda in the dust unless I hijack planes etc. blah. LOL

Jennifer kicked a hummer, sending one of its doors through the other side of the vehicle. There were 3 clean talon gouges in it.

"Fucking atheist missionary... Ok, the other side of the bridge is... the..."
She took out a GPS device.

"Fuck. It's the riverside district, miles of winding streets. They can get to any river in Southern Taaldaan from here. We can either get the cooperation of the local police, who have done fuck nothing as of right now, or I can call in reinforcements, although I doubt I'll get them."

OOC: We flew in on C-130 transports.. unfortunately I cannot see myself parting with one of those with the inevitable fiery crash.. but We can always drop some Hybrids on the speed boat? Wait, they probably don't parachute huh?

ooc: Most of my troops are airborne qualified. Go ahead and try a drop.

SIC Skorpion commander:

We have C-130 transports at the airport, if your troops are airborne qualified we can set up a drop? Although my men are trained, we did not think ahead to bring the equipment as it was unnecessary baggage. Our pilots are well trained in make low-altitude drops so this should be a cinch. Of course we said apprehending these two characters would have been easy as well when we took on this little mission.

This is all a moot point if you have no equipment of course.

Marsh

"Well, we don't have equipment, but the C-130s can be used.... Just one question. How low are your pilots willing to fly?"

SIC: I spoke to the senior captain that would be assigned to the your troops, his words were.. "Low 'nuff to take them sumbitches water skiing"

"Excellent... We'll be at the airport shortly. Meanwhile, find a couple of waterskis...."

The Skorpion APC got to the airport in record time.

No sooner had the Skorpion commander agreed to the plan, the C-130 began to warm up and make ready for take-off. Fully fueled and ready to make the return trip home, the chance given to Morgan to fly this mission was possibly the closest he would come to real action ever again. He was well past the ideal age for a fighter jock but he could handle the C-130 with a finesse that would make any of them envious.

The plane sat on the tarmac, loading ramp open and ready to go when the APC arrived. Moments after the last Skorpion set foot on the aircraft, Morgan throttled the engine and away they went. The grin on his face as they took off and into the blue was that of a kid in a candy store.

"Yeeee Hawww boys, hang on 'cause this is gonna be a wild ride!!" he yelled over the radio. The hybrids looked at each each not knowing what they had gotten into with Morgan behind the stick.

OOC: We're still somewhere. What else could I have said, I was basically giving ideas as to forgein escapes, and all I have to go on is that in Earth II you're in Indonesia. If you want them to stay in Taldaan, that's fine by me.

IC: Shangel glanced behind him. ....Something.....was visible behind the palm trees. Some sort of...aircraft. Possibly. He could just about make out some activity around it. Damn!. It was taking off.

"Herman, they're sending aircraft after us. We don't have much time."

"Shit. Tom, any ideas?"

"Some of the rivers run through fairly dense cities. It won't be impossible for them, but we can make it pretty hard."

OOC: Umm, I am at a loss for words then. Makes no sense flying out after a speedboat that does not exist. heh Oh well, I will take the Hybrids on a pleasure flight.

"Lizards and gentlemen the captain has turned off the fasten seat belt sign and you are free to move about the cabin. Please refrain from smoking or clawing up the seats. Thank you."

ooc: keep chasing them please, they're still in Taaldan anyway

Jennifer retracted her claws back into her fingers.

"Damn, we lost them, didn't we?" She sighed. They got away. WHY did they have to take them alive? That was the dumb point, not the Spiderman plan, not the chase, not the sewers.

The Skorpions sat down listlessly. It was rare that they failed a mission.

Skimming the treetops, the C-130 searched for the the trio as they attempted their getaway. Little did they know that during the brief time they were detained by the Skorpions, they had been tagged with a tiny microchip transmitter in the unlikely event they would escape. Of course we know Murphy's Law has been very instrumental in the events that have unfolded here so this was no surprise to anyone when Herman and Tom managed to escape their captors.

The Skorpions had the hardware to track the transmitters on the two.. as the Raiders and HDC were rounded up, one of the Hybrids called over the radio. "We've got a fix on them.."

The APC and the remaining humvees loaded up and the chase for Herman, Tom and Shangel began once more..

OOC: They don't know who Shangel is, you just know that he's helped them to escape.

IC: The three approached one of the little-known Southern cities. By now, having not eaten since their escape form the warehouse, Tom and Herman were hungry, and thirsty. They needed to stop off for supplies.

"Wait a sec! I know this city!" said Herman. "It has no roads - just rivers! It's a popular, fairly dense tourist location - perfect!"

"Good."

The boat entered the outskirts of the city and progressed further. This sector of the city was not too residential, and there were a fair few warehouses. One looked in disrepair. There was no-one in it, and there was a metal door facing to the riverside.

"I doubt this'll be locked." said Tom, giving it an experimental push. It creaked open.

Being careful to close the door behind them, the boat entered the warehouse. This was obviously a docking centre for barges carrying materials to the warehouse when it was open. The three docked the boat and climbed the dripping stairs to the rest of the warehouse.

OOC: Referred to the proper name as part of the storyline, not that any of the characters knew Shangel's identity.. :)

Jennifer looked out of the window of the C-130 when she spotted something.

"3 figures, their infrared profiles match that of the missionary, and the 2 ice cream men. They went into a warehouse somewhere down there, their boat's in there too. They must be low on fuel and supplies, we can corner them. If we hijack a boat of course, this place is more watery than Venice."

The Skorpions readied themselves.

The jumpmaster notified Captain Morgan (imagine that) and he slowly dipped the nose of the C-130 readying for a pass along a clearing his co-pilot had pointed to.

"Okay boys.." the voice of Captain Morgan rang off the aluminum skin of the cargo bay, "this here is the captain. In case you haven't noticed I won't be able to set this bird downtown due to the landscape so Skorpions, I hope you have somethin up?"

He lined up the plane on a short strip of marsh a few hundred yards from the warehouse district and flew as low as he could without clipping the wings and ending up a fiery hulk of wreckage.

"We're comin up on the drop zone, I am taking it down as low as I can.."

The jumpmaster made her way to Jennifer who was waiting eagerly by the rear door.. "You are green in 30 seconds.. good luck."

"This is cutting it close Morg, don't you think?" the co-pilot had flown with Morgan for two years now and knew him pretty well.

"Nah, this is nothin son.. hold on to your seat."

Jennifer and 4 Skorpions leapt out as soon as the light blinked green. They landed in the water with a splash and swam over, not to the warehouse, but to a large cruise liner.

They climbed up to the side and threw the captain off the side. One of the Skorpions piloted the ship into the river, blocking off the door and preventing the speedboat from leaving the warehouse. The other 4 hijacked another speedboat and waited outside the warehouse on the canal running opposite of the warehouse, ready to give chase if the 3 men inside the warehouse tried escaping that way.

Jennifer radioed the Henrytopians.

"Get snipers on the surrounding islands and block off the sewers leading to the warehouse. Also, if you can, steal a boat or 2 and block off the rivers."

Shangel, Tom and Herman cautoisly approached the warehouse, and flicked the lights. Many, many strip lights flashed on throughout the warehouse - revealing a whole workforce.

"Errr.....are we interrupting anything?" said Shangel, managing a nervous smile. "Why were you working in the dark?"

Someone emerged from the still crowd of workers. "Look, you haven't seen anything, OK? Get out."

"We can't possibly stay, can we?"

Before the shady workers had time to answer, there was a boom from outside, presumably over louspeakers.

"COME OUT OF THE WAREHOUSE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED. WE HAVE SNIPERS POSITIONED AROUND THE WAREHOUSE. GIVE YOUSELF UP NOW, OR LATER. YOUR CHOICE.

"Damn! How did they know we were here?"

"Tom, look at your shirt!" There was something odd. A chip, attached. He ripped it off and trod on it. Herman located his and did the same. If only they'd realised earlier. Then the workers inerrupted.

"WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON!?"

"We're on the run, but all we did was throw ice-cream."

"I like ice-cream!" someone at the back shouted.

"Quiet! Why do they want to kill you?"

"I don't know. The government's hired some Special Ops and some wierd, dinosaur-type creatures to kill us. I suppose it's their idea of a game. PLEASE, can you help us?"

"We're......not really supposed to be found out, OK? Just go out there, and throw yourself to the snipers, OK? We CANNOT, on any account, allow ourselves to be discovered." said the spokesperson. There was a general murmur of disaproval.

One of the workers shouted out "But we can help them against these people! You know it! Hey - we could use them to test the prototype!"

"Well.....I suppose....well, we wouldn't test it any other way, really."

"Who do you work for?" asked Shangel.

"Errr....the government. Yes. That's all you need to know. Look, we're going to help you get out of here. This is by no means anything to do with moral decency, but you might be able to help....test our product. However, don't think of sending back a customer satisfaction form, I'm afraid we'll have....'moved'....by the time you're able to do that."

"So what do you want us to test?"

"OK, it's a new military device. You may say 'Why make it here' - that's becaue most of Taldaan's jungle, as you know. Someone would get suspicious if a large amount was cleared. There's a whole underground river system abandoned for years here under the current one - we've now discovered some problems with testing it there which we can't avoid, but we'd already started work, so....hardly anyone goes to this part of the city, anyway. It's mainly abandoned warehouses. So, to cut a long story short, we've developed the next big thing in military vehicles - basically a hover-tank. Like a completely over-charged hovercraft, but a larger pocket of air allowing for increased mobility and - even better - water transportation. Faster than the average tank due to travelling on a pocket of air, it can carry more weaponary, and can cover almost all terrains, including water, much like a hovercraft. Of course, the power needed is massive, 5-way, but we've pulled through."

"Whoah."

"If I just prepare for you......wait a sec. I've got an even better idea..... Sheesh. Why the hell am I being so hospitable....." he trailed off.

----------------------------------

The skorpions were watching the building. So were the snipers. All eyes were trained on the main door - their only way out, with the exception of the hybrids, who were watching the back. Suddenly, it creaked open. There was much scurrying, and there was silence, apart from the llap of water. Then there was a massive blast from inside the warehouse, like a giant fan. Everyone looked at each other, bewildered. Before they could look back, most of the front of the wareouse crashed out into the river, and the biggest monstrosity on........a big inflatable pad and a large pocket of air crashed out into the river. It had a turret, a side-mounted machine gun, and at least four other top-mounted weapons. It must have been like a hovercraft, except for there was linked armour on the vulnerable areas of the bottom pad, and, of course, the fact it was a hyped-up tank. The ops were so stunned that only a few stray bullets flew towards the tank most of which missed or bounced off. But the drivers of the tank weren't attempting to kill everyone, but escape, and for some reason, it was going very, very quickly. It was heading into the city, too. It did a U-turn and headed into the city. There was an island in the middle of the canal into the city it was heading down, with a sniper stationed on it. Some of the ops smiled nervously. The island would almost certainly.....perhaps.....

The sniper looked at the oncoming vehicle and jumped off the island into the murky canal. The thing carried on over the island and off towards the city.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" shouted Jennifer. At that, everyone set off after the rapidly departing tank.

OOC: Not everything's as you expect...... ;) Can anyone guess?

"What. The fuck?" The tank blew past Terrence Ai, sitting on the boat.

Terrence knew how to stop a tank. Heavy weaponry right? He just didn't know how to stop one without killing everyone inside. Damn.

Jennifer sighed deeply. This would have no end.

She radioed to the Henrytopians.

"Fuck this, I'm calling in a few gunships from our airforce and blowing these fools up."

The tank careered through the narrow waterways of the city, heavily persued by the ops and hybrids, the warehouse now too far back to see. It was faring rather well, actually. However, all that was going to change, as two gunships approached over the horizon. Obviously there was no intention of preventing any deaths. Even so, this was going to be a fight to remember - the turret swiveled towards the approaching gunships and shot out a missile towards one, which was dodged only by some tricky manoevring. As the tank, follwed by the snipers, by foot as best they can, ops and the hybrid speedboats, approached the centre of the city, the gunships gained speed and began to catch it up.

The hovertank spun around another corner, engines roaring. They had been incredibly lucky to stumble across this monstrosity. Once the military had found out that their tanks and helicopters were more effective they had stopped building these, and Herman, Tom, and Shangel had found just about the only working model. And now it seemed that they had annoyed their pursuers even more. Helicopter gunships!
The hovertank roared down the wide river: if there was one thing they were no good for, it was stealth. The massive power requirements saw to that. A turret swung it around on the mount and let rip. A storm of bullets filled the air. Unfortunately, the wild shooting and the movement of the vehicle caused a few glancing hits and a lot of complete misses. It looked like it was easier to throw ice-cream than fire a gun.

All three of them had to agree. It was a very clever plan.

----------------------------------------------------

The cruise ship moved towards the city centre. All rivers met in the centre. The tank would no doubt come down the road to the centre. Positioning itself carefully, the Skorpion in the cruise ship blocked the centre. You're going down......

Meanwhile, the careering tank was shooting wildly. The gunships were surprisingly accurate, and the tank was taking a lot more damage. Suddenly the tank's machine gun fire turned to missiles. A missile shot out towards one of the hybrid speedboats. Their reaction times were quick though - it dodged and the missile flew past. However, the hybrids didn't have eyes in the back of their heads. It was guided. It looped in the air and plunged into the water just in front of the speedboat. Just as the speedboat was passing over the spot, it hit the bottom and a torrent of water flew upwards. The speedboat flew through the air and flipped, before bouncing off a wall into the water, one battered hybrid clinging to it. Inside the tank the guided missile display was now centred on one of the gunships.

TARGET LOCKED

However, the tank was rapidly heading towards the parked speedboat.

------------------------

OOC: Well......you are going to blow up the tank.

Someone screamed "BUUUUUMP!" in the distance, just about audible over the roar of the tank.

"What the hell?" thought Jennifer.

ooc: They aren't helicopter gunships, they're VTOL jet gunships like harriers.

"Damn..." There was a bump up ahead. Ok, not a bump, an entire warehouse, it was a dead end. The warehouse was filled with blocks of reinforced concrete. That would stop the tank. So would this.....

The G20 light gunships armed their railguns and fired into the water besides the tank. The resulting shockwaves caused the tank to fly into the air, right into the warehouse...

Nice.

The prototype hovertank, probably the only one in Taldaan, was lifted into the air by the impact of the railguns. The large but delicate engines were wrecked, and the compressed hydrogen within burst out, detonating in the air. Blazing from end to end, the tank crashed into a very large, very solid warehouse. The prow was ripped clear by the impact, exposing the normally guarded high-explosive anti-tank rockets, all twenty of them. In a spectacular fireball, the tank exploded, leaving only blackened shrapnel, blazing wreckage, and scorch marks on the nearby buildings. The blast tore a gaping hole in the side of the warehouse. Due to the loss of structural integrity, the warehouse collapsed on the tank, crushing what was left, burying it under at least ten tons of rubble.

OOC: I was bumping the topic.....

IC: The missile fired by the tank at the last moment shot through the air. It wasn't guided any more, but through all of the smoke, the gunship wasn't ready for it. It veered to the right, but the missile clipped the left wing, sending most of the wing flying into the water, smoke trailing. The gunship rocked and started to spin, relying mainly on aerodynamics. The pilot smashed the controls in a frenzy, and a series of floats inflated around the side. The gunship crashed into the water, and bobbed in the waves caused by the impact.

Shit!

The other gunship landed vertically in the water, also installing floats, and bridged to its stricken colleague.

----------------------------------------------------------

"If I just prepare for you......wait a sec. I've got an even better idea..... Sheesh. Why the hell am I being so hospitable....." he trailed off.

Shangel, Tom and Herman argeed. It was saddening when they heard the bang, a long way off in the distance. Then again, it could have been them.

There'd been no time for a crash course in driving controls. For a start, they would literally crash it when it came out of the warehouse. So the workers decided that they, who knew exactly what to do, would drive the tank. They would be able to test the vehicle scientificly against the might of the enemy weaponery. It was win-win. They deduced, rightly so, that when they crashed out, everyone would immediately persue them, including the cruise ship over the entrance. So the moment the coast was clear, Tom, Herman and Shangel had crept back down to the mooring station, manned the speedboat again, and driven right out. They'd bypassed the city, and now, having got much in the way of supplies and lots of spare fuel from the tank research 'warehouse', they could travel in the speedboat for many days. By now they were a few miles away from the city, and with any luck, the gunships would be destroyed, and anything that wasn't would be held up in the centre of the city for hours by the police of that area. By then, all three of them would be well away.

OOC: Taldaan, are we going to end up killing or detaining Tom & Herman, or will they get away? How will this end?

ooc: To be honest, I'm not quite sure how this will end. If MassPwnage and Henrytopia think of something and pull it off, then they will be detained. Otherwise, they will escape.

A lizardman checked the wreckage.

"Fuck, 3 guys, 2 of them critical, but it's not the right ones. The tank was probably a diversion. Those bastards are clever."

Little did anyone pay attention to Captain Morgan who was hovering aloft in his C-130 gunship watching the carnage. He smiled as he looked over to his co-pilot.. "Have the waist gunners man their posts, we still have a chance to get in some fun."

"Morgan to Ops 2, we have the speedboat in visual and the guns are hot."

This particular C-130 that had dropped the Skorpion Radiers was not the garden variety transport. This was the armed variant of the Hercules aircraft commonly known as the Spooky II. In their rush to climb aboard the aircraft and begin pursuit, no one noticed the armament on the side of the aircraft, a 25mm Gatling gun, a 40mm cannon and the 105mm M-102 Howitzer cannon.

The lethal aircraft flew above in lazy circles waiting to be called on, Captain Morgan was deadly with his weapon and his men were drooling at the thought of unleashing death from above.

OOC: How is that for improvisation boy-os? heh

"Call in the G80s. Make it fast."

2 G80 Gunships (the MUCH bigger brothers (think a hovering B1-Bs) of the G20s) took off from an aircraft carrier outside of Taaldani waters. Each G80 carried enough firepower to wreck a carrier group or an entire military base.
The pilots radioed Morgan.

"Need an assist?"

Morgan called out over the secure line to the Skorpion pilot.. "Looks like we have us a party here boys? Welcome. Our gunners have a bead on them, we can patch you all in to fire control."

There you have it.. the trio now had a C-130 gunship known for its pinpoint accuracy and its ability to rain firery death from above and as an added measure of overkill two G80 Gunships were receiving data on their location as well. They all flew lazy circles high above while the gunners in the aircraft tracked their movement on the myriad of displays.

"Sir, we have them tagged, the Skorpions now have a firing solution as well.. Once you say the word we'll vaporize an entire city block if you want us to." the gunnery tech called over the radio to Captain Morgan. He looked over to his partner sitting at one of the other consoles and shook his head "Man, these guys are fucked.."

Morgan called out over the radio once more.. "Ops 2 to we have targets and ready to fire over."

"I got an idea..." A gunship pilot (my planes only require one crewman, due to the videogame like flight interface) radioed.

"If we fire right at them, we're gonna send this portion of the city, and any civilians in it right to hell. Now, my idea is to funnel them down one canal, then fire behind them to cause a tidal wave. Their speedboat, will be caught by a net downstream, strung up by the guys on the ground."

"Sounds like a plan.. we can lead these boys with our guns easy like." Morgan called out. "Gunners, why don't you show these boys where they want to go next?"

The comms clicked one by one as they acknowledged their orders.

On the ground, Ops 2 was intently listening to the radio chatter and hoping this latest plan did not turn a large potion of Toku waste. The C-130 gunship was able to lay waste to anything it sets it sights to. He had knowledge of the G20 gunships and knew they made his C-130 look like a BB gun.

"Weapons free boys.. keep it as accurate as possible."

"Alright, fire, remember, keep the railgun velocities LOW."

The G80s fired 1 railgun slug each. Both slugs slammed into the canal, causing a massive explosion (maybe a few civilian casualties too, but they were dumb enough to stand around and gawk), and as desired, a wave. It followed the speedboat. The parallel canals were blocked off by the Henrytopians, the Skorpions on the ground set up the net.

They alternated their fire between the 40mm and 105mm cannons, they would keep the Gatling gun on reserve in case they wanted to really influence their direction. Although the rounds came close, the precision fire the gunship was known for did the job.

Between the C-130 and the G20's, the speedboat with the three men was being driven into the trap laid before them. From the air, it was clear that the chase was coming to an end, there were no avenues of escape this time, there would be no miracle ramps or open warehouses for them to escape. The radio instructions that were to follow were clear.

"Spooky 3, this is Ops 2.. I want you to maintain sight of the target, if they escape the net this time you are clear to neutralize with excessive force. Over." Enough was enough, command had called the Toku local government and requested authorization to end this chase once and for all.

They had already taken casualties on both sides and the damage to the city was mounting as well. So far the chase to apprehend the two men and their new companion had caused the destruction of a bridge, numerous buildings, civilian casualties and his own team lost two men and a couple of humvees as well. It was time to end this circus and go home..

Morgan and the G20 pilots all acknowledged their orders with a single click over the comm network.

ooc: these gunships are G80s, the smaller ones earlier were G20s.

"Alright, net's up, let's do this..."

Unless Tom, Hermand and Shangel could fly, they wouldn't make it past the net, it touched all the way to the canal bottom as well.

OOC: Errrr....numerous mistakes here. If you read the some of my posts correctly, you'll realise they're a long way away from Toku, and currently in open water after They'd bypassed the city, and now, having got much in the way of supplies and lots of spare fuel from the tank research 'warehouse', they could travel in the speedboat for many days.. So.....everything's void. Which means that although redoing everything will confuse the RP, you might want to let us escape from this one, out of good manners. ;) I'll try to escape as well as possible.

IC: Somehow they had ended up back in the city. Even worse, they were in an imminent trap. Brick walls on either side. A net visible in the distance. Even worse, from behind them, two missiles were fired. They crashed into the water behind them. There was a roar, and a massive wave was channeled right towards them.

"Quick! How do we make this thing go faster!?"

"Wait! Don't try and outrun it, it's too fast, and even if we could, we'll just get trapped in the net...I have an idea." replied Tom, pulling a large, long plastic hatch from the side of the boat, having been badly damaged by gunfire.

--------------------------------------------

"What the hell are they doing?" asked Morgan.

"It looks like.....like they're trying to surf it, sir."

"Good. They have even less of a chance of gtting past the net. They're sitting ducks."

"No sir. Surfing ducks."

-----------------------------------

Tom took the speed boat's mooring rope from his jacket pocket. Holding onto one end, he threw it towards the rooftop of a nearby building. It hit an air vent pillar and wrapped itself around it. He tugged at the rope. The plastic hatch moved along the crest of the tidal wave, until it was quite near the rooftop. It started to tilt....

"NOW!"

All three jumped off the hatch and hit the rooftop. The hatch tumbled and sank into the bubbling froth of the tidal wave. Tom collected the mooring rope, and all three ran for it across the rooftops, gunfire heard behind them. Seeing as they were back in Toku for some reason Toku local government , the waterways were only the ground in a rainforest of levels. Because over the waterways were roads. (bridge destruction - remember?) And they had found themselves to be right on the pavement.

------------------------------------------

Franco had just bought the new sports car. He hadn't ot insurance yet, but he couldn't resist taking it for a spin. He was passing along the highstreet when suddenly a rather wet rope flung itslelf onto his windscreen. He braked heavily, and wound down the window to see what happened. Quite hurriedly, a fist was thrust through the window, knocking him out. Herman hauled hm out, pulled out the lock, and jumped in with Tom, Shangel sitting in the back, 'on guard'. The gunships were already onto them. A bullet shot through the rear windscreen - Shangel ducked and it whizzed through the front.

"They're onto us, get going!"

Herman floored it.

"Holy, fuck."

All the Skorpions and the 2 G80 Pilots shared the same thought.

They just surfed the wave.

Jennifer snatched a handheld railgun from the APC and fired at the sports car, shearing off the rear half of the vehicle.

Shangel looked in horror as Tom and Herman sped away, while he, in the back, ground to a halt. Damn. And he was just waiting for the right moment to detain them, and be the hero. And he never got the ice-cream. Oh well.

But wait.....If he worked with the Ops.....they seemed to be getting the upper hand, it was very lucky with that wave....

And as they both trusted him, he could be used by the ops. They might even rely on him to do something. Then he COULD detain them himself, AND get ice-cream. He jumped out of the seat and started waving at the gunships.

2 Skorpions hogtied Shangel immediate. One of them kicked him, not enough to kill him, but enough to wind him.

"Now.... Where did you all decide to go." Jennifer put one claw under Shangel's chin. She would kill him in a heartbeat if he didn't answer truthfully.

With the back sheared off the car, it was useless. Herman and Tom climbed out and began to run. It was no good. Herman was whezing after one-hundred metres. He collapsed. The events of the recent days had taken their toll, and he couldn't walk another step. Their relentless pursuers would surely catch up with them anyway, and it would make no sense to make things any more painful. Tom attempted to drag Herman's massive bulk, but he just couldn't. He sat down next to his friend. Even if he ran, he woiuldn't get very far. The gunships would hunt him down, and then......
He shuddered. He had to get out of this one somehow, but it was so hopeless.

Jennifer saw something out of the corner of her eye.

"Hold him down." 2 Skorpions held Shangel down.

The rest of the Skorpions ran as fast as they could towards Tom and Herman.

Shangel yelled. "Look! I want to help you! I have no chance of detining them myself, so I'll help you! Listen to me!"

They didn't answer him, but the two holding him down showed a glimmer of interest. Regardless, it looked as if they were about to be caught. Jennifer saw Tom and Herman, and she also saw the petrol tanker heading down the road.

"Good." she said to herself. "Let yourselves be run over."

The petrol tanker thundered along the road and passed straight over Tom and Herman. Jennifer watched the groun, expecting the see their splattered remains. But instead she saw nothing.

"Dammit! They must be holding onto the bottom! Just shoot it!"

"It's a petrol tanker. It'll explode. We can't allow any more damage."

"Shit. It looks like we might need you after all." she said, glancing at Shangel.

The HDC commandos lounged on their humvees eating sandwiches and watching the events unfold. No longer able to follow the plot, they relegated themselves to taking a much needed lunch break. Lucky for them there was a delicatessen open across the street from them so they parked their vehicles and grabbed a bite to eat.

"Mmmm, this is a damn good sandwich.. how is yours?"

"The turkey is a little dry but mine tastes good too. These Toku know how to make a good sub."

"John, look, a tanker truck.. five bucks says it explodes into a fireball."

"You're on man, I bet they escape another way."

"Do you have any more of those sauce packets?"

"Yeah" he tossed over the packets and took a sip of his drink. "I am gonna buy myself another sub for the trip back."

"Good idea Mike.."

They watched the petrol truck as it approached the two men on the road..

"This may get ugly.."

"Think it'll ignite if we shoot that thing?" asked Terrence.

"Oh hell yea." Jennifer replied.

"What do we do?"

"Bleed the truck dry. Meanwhile, this guy here.." Jennifer kicked Shangel "will tell us exactly where they're headed."

The Skorpions hopped onto 2 grav bikes dropped by the G80s.
Racing alongside the tanker, they stuck their claws into the gas tank and tore it open. Gasoline splashed onto the pavement.

Meanwhile, Shangel was being interrogated by Jennifer, but luckily now she wasn't being violent. He started talking.

"Well, they never laid out a specific plan.....I think they were going to try to get further south in Taldaan."

"Good. Anywa-"

"Wait! They're clinging onto the bottom of the tanker. They can't 'go' anywhere. If you follow the tanker closely behind, then you'd notice them if they drop off, and you could surround the tanker when it stops off. You'll have no need to position anything around Southern Taldaan."

"Do you really think I'm stupid enough not to realise that? It's just these guys have a thing about lucky escapes. We need to think up a 'Plan B'."

"Then why have the Skorpions come back after gouging the hole?"

"They're not, are- Oh god! They're meant to be ELITE, dammit! Sometimes they act like their IQ's close to single figures." she paused, and turned to the stationary Skorpions. "Get after the tanker!"

"Too late, I should think." mentioned Shangel. "Tom and Herman are as slippery as eels, and if the Skorpions had turned away, they would have known they have something else to do. They'd have dropped off and scarpered into the jungle the moment those grav bikes turned back. That's thick jungle on those sides, I should know, I've been in Taldaan for at least 7 years treking through the most isolated areas."

"Shit. Well, first of all we stop the petrol tanker. The oil will have leaked by now, we can just hold it up, peek under, and if they are there, we can take them alive, which is what was wanted in the first place. If not, then we go south. We'll guard all of the major southern towns. We'll catch them, just they wait..."

-----------------------

Tom and Herman had indeed dropped off the underside of the tanker when the Skorpions turned their backs, and were now a fair way into the jungle. Far enough for the Skorpions to have no chance of finding them. The jungles were protected, they couldn't just burn them down. The Taldaani government would flip. Of course those Skorpions weren't stupid, despite their dinosaur-like appearance. They knew that they'd have to get supplies from somewhere, and they'd got Shangel. They'd torture him, he'd talk under pressure. He knew they wanted to go south - up in the north was dangerous. But now the south would be more dangerous. So they'd go north. Through the jungle. They'd get any supplies from small villages if necessary. But mainly they'd eat grubs and stuff. Yeah. The jungle was a cloak. They were safe. For now.

ooc: I'm gouging the holes so i can bleed the oil from the truck before destroying it. If Tom and Herman tried jumping, the Skorpions would catch them.

OOC: The Skorpions had turned their grav bikes around and come back, having not been given orders to follow the tanker, just "bleed the truck dry". And now, as Tom and Herman would almost certainly (and they did, too) let go when the two Skorpions' backs were turned, to their knowledge, destroying it would take too long and would be a waste of ammo, as they could just stop the tanker and look underneath, to double-check, now the chances of them being their had plummeted.

ooc: ah. DAMN! (ok, i feel like an idiot)

"Crap... Ok, that was my fault. I confess it." Jennifer put her hands up and sighed. Meanwhile, the G80s flew around in large circles, trying to pin down the bioelectric signatures of Tom and Herman.

Bump.

Herman crashed through the undergrowth with all the stealth and cunning of a wildebeest on a bad trip. Tom dived after him. Luckily most of the wildlife seemed to be somewhere else, or they would have been given away. They dodged trees, jumped roots, and with an insane amount of luck managed to avoid falling or crashing into anything solid. A small group of bald budgies watched as the speeding pair thundered past, dashing into the jungle as fast as their legs would carry them. Herman slowed down a little, pulling a tube of Smarties from his pocket. He hadn't had a tube in over a day and he was shaking and sweating. His unsteady hands popped open the lid and he began to eat. His face stretched into an expression of bliss and he sat down on a fallen tree to finish the tube. Tom sat down next to him.
"Where now?"
"We go from village to village, then we either retire and spend the rest of our days in the jungle, or we head for another city. But only when I've finished this tube."

Toku City government -

I am afraid to bring the news that the two individuals responsible for the ice cream havoc have escaped into the jungle. We will never find them in that soup.. the forests here are too dense for us to search for them from the air and our troops are not equipped to chase those two around in the jungle. I am afraid that they got away.

((OOC: You took my idea from my newb advice thread!))

Henrytopian Force

We are sorry that they got away, however we thank you for your efforts and are glad that you saw fit to help us in our time of need. We also doubt that the pair will be able to cause any trouble in the middle of the rainforest.

((OOC: You took my idea from my newb advice thread!))


OOC: (???Whatcha mean???)

Henrytopian Force

We are sorry that they got away, however we thank you for your efforts and are glad that you saw fit to help us in our time of need. We also doubt that the pair will be able to cause any trouble in the middle of the rainforest.

We are sorry that we were not able to bring them to justice, especially after all the mess they made. Not that we did not make a mess either.. sorry about that bridge our humvee took out..

The Skorpions just milled about.
2 guys. Damnit, 2 guys. This was supposed to be an easy mission. Jennifer punched a hole right through the APC side and sat down on the ground pouting.

Then the G80 pilots radioed in.

"We have 2 guys, one of them appears to be eating something... or maybe taking drugs, I have no idea, he's trembling, but the biolectric scanners don't allow for text or anything."

The G80's landed as best as they could in the middle of the road and picked up the Skorpions. The pilots came out to the door, and lead them to the scanners.

[OOC: By the way, how could you even work out that he was eating something - a tube of smarties has no bioelectric signature....]

However, when they arrived at the scanners, Tom and Hermn were nowhere to be seen.

"They were right here before!" shouted one of the pilots, pointing at the display.

"We don't take failiure well....." hissed Jeniffer, her hand around the back of his neck. "What's on the scanner?"

"Nothing but a herd of elephants. They must have run away. Mind you, they must have run pretty fast......."

ooc: he's putting something in his mouth, that's why i said he was either eating something, or taking drugs.

"A herd. Of f*cking. Elephants." Jennifer almost ripped out the back of the pilot's head, but then realized someone had to fly the plane.

"I think we should search the area where the elephant herd passed through. Change to normal optical scanners to search for elephant footprints, then search along and around the path of the elephants in biolectric, they couldn't have gotten too far."

The pilot glanced towards Jennifer after a while.

"Did you know the elephants here are very rare? A protected species, I've heard."

"Shut up and keep flying."

Herman and Tom sat on the backs of two of the elephants. The Taldaani elephant, having no natural predators, was very different to both the Indian and African versions. It stood at around nine feet at the shoulder, and it was far more docile. The tusks were only really for show, as it had no need for combat. Everyone in Taldaan loved the elephants, and they were a big attraction in the national parks. Visitors could even ride them around for the tour, and that is exactly what Herman and Tom were doing now. Having grown up in the south of Taldaan, they had spent much of their childhoods running around the rainforest, climbing trees and trying not to provoke the greatest predator in Taldaan: the ocelot. So it was with some skill that they rode now, simply shifting their weight to get the great beasts to turn.
"Where now?"
"We head for Tolka. Its a village around twelve miles from here. We should get there in about an hour.

OOC: MassPwnage, I'll just mention now that you can only see the elephants, not them, as their bio-electric signatures merge with those of the elephants.

"Fuck, it's like they disappeared with the elephants, switching to optical, AGAIN."

The pilot once again looked at Jennifer.

"Optical won't do us any good! We won't be able to see through the thick canopy!"

"Shit, shit, shit. Just keep flying!"

"How slowly is this thing going right now."

"We're keeping pace with the elephants."

"Meanwhile, I have a plan. Let's try turning the bearded guy against the fat guy."

"Hmm... good idea."

"Alright, they were last seen right before the elephant herd appeared, they could be travelling with the elephants."

"Hmm... alright then. We are definitely subsonic correct?"

"Hell, we're making no more noise than a truck at highway speeds."

"Nice..." Jennifer picked up a loudspeaker.

To Herman and Tom:

"If only 1 of you turns on your partner, we will give you a large, large sum of money! And drugs! All kinds of drugs! Pills,intravenous, alcohol, snorted, you name it!"

Herman and Tom looked at each other. It came from above, but they couldn't see through the canopy. It was probably the Skorpions, no-one else would know they were here. They kept quiet. It was obviously a trap of some kind.

"That's right, we have all kinds of drugs and alcohol!"

Jennifer started down the list. Somewhere along the line, she bumped into
"Vodka"

"Vodka."
At this word, Tom went beserk. The meek, mild man he had been was gone. His eyes bulged, his teeth gritted, and he threw his head back in an inhuman howl. Herman had not given him the promised vodka, although he had always seemed to have plenty of Smarties. He dived at Herman, knocking him off the back of the elephant and sending them tumbling to the jungle floor below. Herman kicked Tom off, then, terrified by the sudden vicious onslaught, ran into the jungle. There was a splash. Herman was only up to his neck, but the river would slow him down. He climbed out onto the other side just as Tom leapt most of the way across.

"We've done it, we have 2 humans isolated."

"Move in."

The Skorpions landed in the jungles, bearing gifts of vodka (2 bottles).

"WE HAVE VODKA, 120 PROOF TRIPLE DISTILLED KGB PRIVATE RESERVE VODKA! GET THE FATASS AND WE'LL GIVE IT TO YOU!"

Herman glanced backwards. He was being pursued by Tom, who had risen to the bait. Behind Tom, the massive G80 landed in the jungle, destroying a large clump of trees.

If I get away from this then I'll be safe. The Taldaani government will eject them for sure. The jungle's one thing that's not up for destruction....

---------------------------------------------

Jennifer and the other Skorpions got out of the G80. They weren't risking anything. The whole crew were going after them now, hoping to catch them.

---------------------------------------------

And behind them, Herman noticed something else. The elephants were stampeding, frightened by the G80's landing.

---------------------------------------------

Left alone in the G80 was Shangel. He'd just been kicked a lot. They weren't helping him. And after all of this, Tom and Herman seemd perfectly decent. Why should they be arrested? Everyone had left the plane now, and he could see them gaining on Tom and Herman. There was no hope. He'd probably be beaten again afterwards. Unless.....

Shangel sprinted towards the front of the G80. He didn't knw how to fly the plane, but he was going to try. He walked around the cockpit, pushed all levers upwards, and then turned the engine on. The plane shot through the jungle towards everyone else, demolishing all trees in its path. It couldn't quite take off vertically.....the canopy was blocking it. Suddenly there was a raise in canopy and its wheels lifted off the jungle floor and about 10 feet into the air.

---------------------------------------

The elephants had caught up. To most, tey were just big, grey, wrinkly animals. To Herman, they were saviours. He swung himself up onto an elephant and rode it. Tom was caught off-guard for a moment, but magaed to catch another elephant behind him. The Skorpions were following hastily. When from behind them came a roar. The G80 shot towards them.

The loudspeaker from the plane boomed out. "Grab onto the wheels when it comes past!" Herman heard Shangel's voice and realised that from on the elephant, he could grab the plane's wheels. So did the Skorpions, although Tom didn't, blinded by the thought of vodka. The Skorpions shot wildy at the elephant to stop it.........the plane passed by.....Herman jumped and clutched the wheel. From inside the plane, Shangel slammed he landing equipment button, which had been flashing red. As Herman disappeared into the G80's insides, he noticed the elephant, shot falling to the ground below him. The Taldaani government will eject them for sure now. They're screwed. Tom was still on the elephant, looking up at the G80 and howling. He would be caught by the Skorpions, they wouldn't go back empty handed. They too were howling, shooting wildly at the G80, but their own armour outclassed them. The G80 wasn't even penetrated.

--------------------------------------------------

After Shangel had put the plane on autopilot and managed to find the hatch to the wheel mechanisms, he helped Herman up and took him back to the cockpit.

"Face it." said Shangel. "We need to decide what to do. I don't know how to fly a plane, I just pressed the buttons, and I'm going to trash this thing when we land. And frankly, we're not going to be safe until the Skorpions leave the country."

"They probably will. They shot an elephant and demolished a chucnk of the jungle. The Taldaani government will have them for breakfast."

"Well, we can either wait and see what happens, or leave the country and then either find some way back or go to another one. My country will accept you, definitely. But it's your choice (OOC: Taldaan's choice) - stay here, or get out as fast as possible and end it all before they catch up with us. Which one?"

"We can't go without Tom!"
"But it would be suicide trying to get him back!"
"Most of the things we have done so far have been suicide. This one won't make much difference."
Seizing a rope, Herman threw one end to Tom.
"We've got more vodka than them! Come on!"
Slavering like a large dog, Tom snatched the rope and dangled from the circling aircraft. Just avoiding the Skorpions below, Herman winched him up. Once at the top, Tom glanced around suspiciously.
"Where's the vodka?"
"Right over there."
Tom turned around, and Herman smashed him across the back of the head. Tom slumped to the floor.
"Don't worry, he'll be okay. When he comes around, he'll have forgotten all about the vodka. You try to fly this thing, I'll look for a users manual. You never know.....But we can easily hide out in Taldaan. All we have to do is head to the Northern Plains. Seeing as we have their plane, they won't be able to follow us."

The Skorpions were at home in the jungle, after all, MassPwnage was 86% rainforest.

Unfortunately, the G80 just took off. Fortunately, the other G80 was still around. The pilot hoved in lazy circles around the first G80, then unleashed a hail of railgun slugs at it.

Unfortunately, the military scientists of MassPwnage tried to make the most advanced gunship they could, which meant making their vehicles almost indestructable - as a result, they spent many years trying to make their planes oblivious to even their most advanced weaponary. As a result, the railguns only rocked the plane slightly. The other gunship gave chase, but it was already well behind it's counterpart, and as the gunship containing Herman, Tom and Shangel was already at top speed and almost a mile ahead, there would still be a large gap between the two planes. And to make matters worse, the gunship had given chase for a whole few miles before a voice crackled over t radio. It was Jennifer's.

"Get back here and pick us up, you wazzock! We're in the clearing, we had to get there to find a good reception."

By the time the plane returned, one plane had gone back by 2 miles, and the other had gone forwards by 2. There was a 5-mile gap between the two planes. Even at top speed, thy wouldn't catch up with the other gunship until it had already landed, at which point Shangel, Herman and Tom could be anywhere. Anway, the Northern plains were quite densely populated, due to the lack of raniforest and flat land. Biolelectric scanners wouldn't work, and they'd ripped their trackers off at the warehouse. The Skopions were as good as failed.

ooc: dude, i'm not that FT, the railgun shots will rip that thing to shreds, but ok i'll let you get away with it.

"Alright, just one thing then."

The G80 Pilot accessed the control panel of the other G80.

"I'm gonna have to destruct it, can't have people using our crap, can we?"

A second later, the hijacked G80 simply fell apart at the seams, all of it, even the seatbelts, leaving Tom, Herman and Shangel suspended in midair.

The 3 guys fell.

OOC: FT? BTW - this RP started off silly, and really it's losing some of that. So....

IC: The gunship was travelling fast. Too fast. Herman knew it had all ended. They were going to die. But they weren't going to die without a fight. Even as they fell, the gunship, at almost supersonic speeds, whizzed through the air. As they were falling, Herman reached into his pocket and took out an ice-cream scoop. It still had some ice-cream in it. He aimed vaguely towards the oncoming plane.

The ice-cream splattered the windscreen as the plane flew into it before it even starte to fall. It blocked the view completely. The pilot screamed. All he could see was strawbrry ice-cream. He smashed the windscreen cleaning button, but the ice-cream had jammed the mechanism. Just keep flying....it'll come off.... The pilot flew straight on. Into the debris of the other plane. It rocked the plane and sent it spiralling out of control towards the ground. The pilot tried to pull up but couldn't see through the windscreen - the plane looped 360 degrees and carried on flying straight towards the ground. Before the 3 even had time to fully realise what had happened, the plane had smashed into the ground. A blast of heat blew upwards as one of the engines exploded. Herman shouted over the roar.

"Well, that's not too bad, is it? At least we're not dying in vain. Any last requests?" he joked, but there were no laughs. Perhaps they just weren't audible.

ooc: This guy's my puppet (MassPwnage), don't worry.

The pilot ejected.

"Fuck... He nailed me... with ice cream. How did he keep it cold!??"

The Pilot called for a repair plane and a squadron of G20s (better at hunting people in the cramped jungles).

Then he drew out his SMG-7 Submachinegun and walked calmly over to around 100m where he expected Tom, Herman and Shangel to land.

They fell. Fast. The wind whipped past. The ice-cream attack had been fun, but it really was a last show of defiance. They would never survive this drop. But a sudden idea came to Tom. Despite having the mental agility of a tectonic plate, he still managed to say:
"Hey, if these are like Taldaani aeroplanes, there should be parachutes in the backs of the seats."

ooc: Everything, including the seats fell to pieces.

Luckily for Tom, Herman and Shangel, the parachutes were (partially) intact., the chute parts were still in 1 piece, but the cords weren't .

A smile spread across Herman's face.
"Tom, you're a genius. Hold onto the edges of the parachutes! We'll float down like feathers!"
They scrabbled for the edges, nearly losing it. Despite the fact that their shoulders would probably dislocate, it would be worth it. Then Tom slipped. He clung frantically to Herman's boots. He screamed. Luckily Herman allowed him to hold on, and Tom kept his grip.
"Well, Shangel, it looks like we may not die after all. We might just amke it to safety."
And so they drifted down, as gently as a feather with a fat bloke and a couple of others hanging off it.

The G80 Pilot was waiting for them, as were a couple of the faster running Skorpions.

"Hands in the air, fingers spread."


"Except for you, bearded guy, we'll give you vodka if you come over to our side and help restrain the fat one. Meanwhile, atheist, I can put 30 rounds in the space of a single bottle cap into your forehead if you twitch."

One of the Skorpions was holding a bottle of KGB Private Reserve Vodka in his hand.

OOC: This is a great story. Granted, lots a stuff that would never go over well in a serious RP, but this isn't so.....

Keep up the good work! ;)

By the way, could I airdrop two ice cream scoopers and a few gallons of ice cream to support the terrorists?

ooc: the Skorpions are hungry, they haven't eaten in a while, they might just eat all the ice cream.

ooc: the Skorpions are hungry, they haven't eaten in a while, they might just eat all the ice cream.

OOC: So I'll drop lots of it. ;)

Tom, Herman and Shangel were surrounded. There was no hope for it. Sudenly, there was a roar from above. They looked up. There were a few planes overhead. Tw ice-cream scoops fell to the ground.

The Skorpions looked at each other.

"Pick it up slowly," said Jeniffer to Herman, "it could be a trap."

Herman bent down and picked up the ice-cream scoops. Just as he picked them up, a few dozen ice-cream pellets dropped out of the sky.

"What the-" started Jeniffer.

Herman had grown up around ice cream. He'd become almost.....fine tuned to it. As the ice-cream fell, he knew what to do. His conscience slowed to Matrix slo-mo speed, and as the ice-cream fell, he spun around in alternating directions with the scoops....each scoop smashed into the pellets of i9ce-cream, sending them flying.....

A rapid-fire of ice-cream careered into the eyes of the Skorpions. Every one of them. Including Jennifer. They fell to the ground, temporarily blinded. At that moment, two ice-cream barrels fell from the sky and bounced around.

"Shangel and Tom, take one each! Let's run!"

"Wait!" Tom snatched a scoop and dug it into the barrel.

-------------------------------------------

2 hours later:

A villager had been wandering through the jungle, visiting a friend in another jungle village. What he found on the way there were hulking creatures. overed in what looked like ice-cream, but it was more solid. It was holding them down. It seemed impossible. Each of them were stuck to the ground by many balls of ice-cream. They couldn't get up. One of them, with great difficulty, opened its mouth and shouted at the villager.

"Scoop us out of this mess you imbecile! They'll already be at the Northern Plains!"

The villager didn't know who 'they' were, but scooped them out anyway.

Jennifer howled in rage. They could be anywhere. ANYWHERE. They could have even taken a different route, to put them off the scent. No trackers. In te Northern plains they'd mingle with inhabitants. How the hell could we get them now!?

Terrence ate his way out.

"Yummy, I suggest you do the same."

The 3 humans ate their way out, gaining about 5 pounds each.

The lizards and hybrids, carnivores, didn't eat their way out, as their digestive systems weren't geared towards milk products. If Terrence laughed, he'd regret it once the villagers were done though.

Damn, so close.

Herman was still amazed at what they had done. When he watched the Matrix, he thought that it was good but unrealistic. Now, he wasn't so sure. They made their way towards the main road. One of the few main routes in Taldaan, it connected Kingsview to Alchora, the second largest city in Taldaan.
A car flashed past, the driver stretching the speed limit a little in his X500 Super Turbo Bald Budgie. The go-faster stripes hung in the air behind him, and the exhaust pipes released a thin stream of water vapour. The three escapees whistled in unison.
"Well, if you want to drive, you drive in style...."
Shangel smacked Herman across the back of the head, not hard but hard enough to show him that he was being bloody stupid...again.
"No, you overweight clown. If we steal something, it has to be something small. Something inconspicuous. If we start driving Taldaan's answer to the Ferrari, we're going to be noticed."
Herman blinked, then realised that the missionary was right. They needed something small, with enough fuel and engine to carry them to Alchora quickly. And then, over the crest of the hill, they heard a sound like sweet music in the night. The sound of motorbike engines. The sound of loud music. The sound of five drunken bikers. For, yes, these harbingers of transport were the Blooddoomevilskulls. Taldaan's one and only biker gang, due to the fact that they were actually five nerds with badly restored motorbikes. Due to the fact that it is to impossible to get a Harley-Davidson is Taldaan they rode motor-scooters with chains and fake skulls on, and had given themselves the most menacing name they could think of.
Hearing this noise, Herman and Tom exchanged a look. Before Shangel could tell them just what a bad idea this was, they each took some of the left-over ice cream and hid in the bushes.

Lord Doombloodevilskull (His real name was David, his new name was the result of too much Dungeons and Dragons) gunned his scooter engine as he raced over the hill. His large square glasses were perched on his nose, and his leathers (stuffed with pads to make him look fearsome) were keeping him warm in the cold night air. His teeth were bared, and his acne was cunningly hidden by a cut-down helmet. The pathetic-looking motor-scooter wobbled under him as the oversized, over-rated engine roared.

Herman smiled, then yelled
"Get them!"
A volley of ice-cream tore from the bush. The lead biker was struck in the face. He flipped unrealistically from the saddle, and the bike swerved to smash into Doombllodevilskull, who was trying frantically to avoid the flying vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. He leapt theatrically onto the ground and rolled, just as the two bikes smashed together in slow motion and exploded. The other three were flung into the air by the explosion. One of them fell and lay there, spread-eagled. He was definitely alive, he would just have a headache when he woke up. The second, fearing the unseen attackers, turned around and raced off. He got around five metres before a rapid-fire burst from Tom flipped the bike over, detaching the biker from it. He too landed with a thud and was knocked unconcious. The third, seeing Tom and Herman, gunned his engines and raced towards them. The pair fired scoop after scoop, but they seemed to have lost their potency. The biker barrelled on, not fearing for his safety. Herman and Tom jumped in opposite directions, just avoiding him. There was a noise behind them. Screams, mingled with thuds and smashes. Herman and Tom turned around. There was Shangel, wiping the dust from his hands. The foolhardy biker was nowhere to be seen.

Two minutes later, the three of them were driving towards Alchora, and freedom, and vodka all round.

The Skorpions were going down the road in their grav bikes (the 8 grav bikes in the destroyed G80 weren't destroyed, and the 2 pilots salvaged 2 from the wreckage of the crashed G80.)looking for an airport, when they came across the 5 nerds.

The Skorpions dismounted from their grav bikes, and the biggest one of them, grabbing all of 5 of them by the collar at once (the last one was found besides the road) ask (in a threatening tone) this: "Did you see a fat guy, a bearded guy and an atheist missionary?"

The nerds pointed down the road, all of them wetting their pants right there. The Lizardman dropped them, they had a lead.

Jennifer stayed behind as the Skorpions and 2 pilots raced off. She said: "Now, you get a reward, we have 6 remaining grav bikes in the forest. They're all yours."

OOC: I was going to send a B-52 with the one ton bombs full of icecream, but I guess that works.

Do the fugitives need fire support? I wouldn't mind stepping in this RP -- looks fun. ;)

OOC: We do need some support - they keep on coming at us and they're just as lucky as us. For a start they had no idea what direction Tom, Herman and Shangel had gone from the spot they were trapped in, and from a gunship crashing from however many feet, somehow the grav bikes are all intact. It would be nice if the grav bikes were broken and they had to do something more innovative to make things more interesting, like we've had to do the whole time. ;) So.....

IC: They pressed down on the accelerators. The bikes wouldn't go. DAMN! They had been damaged. Now they'd have to get some crappy human vehicle, which would be nowhere near as fast. How had that ice-cream managed to pin them down for so long? Herman must have a knack. Anyway, they would bea few hours ahead and although the little mopeds weren't the fastest of vehicles, they'd be in Alchora before them, if that was where they'd decide to stop - it probably was, it was densely inhabited. They were probably there already..

---------

The motorbikes neared the city, and suddenly rather than the grass slopes on either side of the main route, there were buildings. The plane that dropped the ice-cream was following them. Hopefully it was friendly - it HAD dropped ice-cream.

OOC: Crap, didn't read the post right -- there in a city. oops.

The C130 pilot got word of the drop.

"Sir, we missed the target, but we slowed their assault." He nodded.

"Good. Drop out the blackhawk."

"Yessir." Back in the cargo bay, a Blackhawk helocoptor's rotors started going. As the C130 lowered altitude, the Blackhawk was pushed out. The rotors were fully moving, and it took about thirty seconds for it to stabilize.

"CHOPPER CLEAR!"

"OKAY! PILOT, GET OUT!"

"YESSIR!" With that, the C130 flew off, to be replaced by two Apache gunships dropped off by two other C130's.

The three helocoptors lowered their altitude in order to drop the ladder.

"MARK IN FIVE!" Ten Praesillei Dei soldiers in full battle armour were standing at the doors, waiting to drop.

"GO GO GO!" Outside the city, the soldiers slid down the dropped ropes and met up with the fugitives. A C130 dropped a few Warthogs on parachutes.

"Hop in, they go faster. We can't pick you up until we're out of the city." The Apaches and the blackhawk with the fifty cal mounted on either opening hovered above.

"I'll drive, you navigate," he said, pointing to [insert ice cream fugitive who knows the place best].

"HOP IN THE VEHICLES!" The Praesillei Dei soldiers hopped in the Warthogs, leaving the middle seat in each of the three land fighting vehicles open for the fugitives.
==================
OOC: Jeez, I godmoded on 10000000000000000000000000 and one counts, but who cares? We need a non-serious RP every once in awhile.

"You just saw that didn't you?" Jennifer pointed in the distance.

"What?" Asked Terrence.

"Those parachutes, and those soldiers"... (ooc: their infrared images would show a more even blood flow related to a healthy, trained heart)

"And the videogame models?"

"Yes, those too, what idiot would go through the trouble of duplicating HALO?"

"Some people..."

"Well, yea..."

Meanwhile:

The remaining G20 pilot, flying about, noticed the Warthogs (and Tom's beard) on visual.

He radioed to the Skorpions.

The reply came:

"Fuck, our grav bikes broke down man. Meanwhile, try to take out the Apaches will ya?"

"Negative, I don't want to start a war, but it's clear whoever these new forces are, that they're supporters of terrorism."

"True...."

"I can track them at a higher altitude, but they might have fighters in the region."

"Crap. We're out of grave bikes too."

"Hmm... i'm gonna land, and then we can improvise."

"What the hell?"

Later:

The Skorpions, and now 3 pilots, took the seats off the dead grav bikes and mounted them on the plane. Meanwhile, the wheels were stripped off the mopeds and attached to the plane... somehow. The vehicle would go quite fast. Fast indeed....

NRO

"Sir, we are receiving feed."

"Good, put it up." The display was showing the Scorpion mobilization.

"Okay, contact the Czar."

"Yessir."
===================
*skip bureaucratic BS*
===================
Air Support Wing 616A

"Sir, we are approaching target."

"How long?"

"In five, actually."

"Oh." The C130s were ready to drop the cargo.

"MARK!" The Ghosts were dropped, while in the Blackhawks, Praesillei Dei were going down the zip lines to pilot them. A perimeter of ten ghosts formed around the Warthogs, as five more Apaches joined the fight. One could hear the squeal of Banshees somewhere, but a number could not be made. From the standpoint of the Dersconi Government, these terrorists were getting out.

Protect the Terrorists at all costs.

The jerry rigged airplane, fed by a plasma scramjet, vaporized its tires as it plowed through the Ghost Perimeter. The Skorpions and pilots, jumped off and tossed out the Warthog drivers. 3 manned the mininguns of the Warthogs, a few held down Tom, Herman and Shangel and the rest drove as fast as they could.

A few snipers from the helocoptors picked off the Scorpions holding Tom, Herman and Shangel down, while the other Praesillei Dei of the ground picked the three up and brought them to the Blackhawks.

"DETONATE THE WATHOGS!"

"YESSIR!" With that, the self-destruct devices on the Warthogs were set off, vaporizing all of them, along with the Praesillei Dei left to hold them off. As that was going on, Apaches were unloading their miniguns and periodically firing their missiles, as the Blackhawks and a few Apaches rondezvoued with the Banshees to fly back to Derscon.....

or so they thought.

ooc: dude, cardinal rule
NO KILLING.

OOC: Jeez, I godmoded on 10000000000000000000000000 and one counts, but who cares? We need a non-serious RP every once in awhile.

OOC: Look, this is a roleplay involving Matrix ice-cream vendors. Who cares about godmodding!? [And most of us RP with other people's characters a bit to move things on]

IC: The Dersconians in the choppers looked at each other.

"They're pinned down. They'll need more help."

"Good. Keep directly over the Warthogs, this might be tricky."

"Gotcha."

---------------------

Tom, Herman and Shangel felt their claws holding them down. They could hear their saviours overhead, but the Skorpions were putting up good defense. Suddenly there were three thumps. The Skorpions' grips loosened. They'd ben knocked out cold by three carefuly dropped barrels of ice-cream to the head. This was Herman's lucky day.

Before the other Skorpions had time to react, he cracked the barrel on the side of the Warthog and thrust it into the air, taking the scoop from his pocket. As a large cylinder of solid ice-cream fell down to earth, the scoop became a blur in the air. The air became a blur of strawberry ice-cream. Very little bits of strawberry ice-cream. And then everything around the Warthog was covered in a thin layer of sticky pink goo. It wouldn't take the Skorpions long to force themselves out. There was very little time. Shangel beckoned to the the helicopter above them. It swooped down and hovered alongside them. They clambered into the helicopter and were swooped into the air. The helicpoter headed towards the C130, escorted by the other choppers. Someone favoured them, although they didn't know exactly who....

Just as the chopper flew back into the cargo bay of the C130, the Skorpions broke out of their cold, strawberry-flavoured prisons. But they were too late. The C130 had already shut its hatches.

OOC: MassPwnage, pleeeeease don't use railguns and destroy the plane instantly.....it stops anything different from happening.

"Crap... ICE CREAM! I HATE ICE CREAM!"

"I have a solution."

"WHAT Terrence?" Jennifer was VERY angry.

"They have Ice Cream. We need a counter."

"What then?"

"Something that's healthy, easily thrown and most of all, not milk based."

"What then?"

"Tofu. The almighty tofu."

"Nice...."

Jennifer radioed the carrier again. 4 ASF-04 Air Superiority fighters afterburned as fast as they could to the C-130, then opened fire with their miniguns, spraying it with mashed up, extra soft silken Tofu.

The plane rocked. It had been hit from behind by something! That was one hatch that wasn't going to open again. However, the Superiority fighters had forgotten something. There were very many helicopters escorting the C130. Before the Superiority fighters could jam the rotors, they'd been shot down by bullets made of metal rather than Tofu. There'd be more....but in the long run, Ice-cream always beats tofu.... ;)

The pilot looked back at Shangel, Tom and Herman.

"We need to get you guys out of here. I'm boosting this thing."

"Wait! Why have you come?"

The pilot turned to Shangel. "Your Sultan-wasis decided to pull you out after he saw the news about the Skorpions. He still wants ice-cream though, so he asked for the Air Force to pull all three of you out. They don't have an Air Force though, so after a bit of persuasion we stepped in. S'good diplomatically."

At that moment, the plane shot forwards.

The fighters pulled away... G80s followed, firing rubbery firm Tofu at the C130 from REALLY high up. They weren't going to escape....

CollRe Systems arms dealership conglomerate offers assistance in the form of tailored bacteria that break down milk proteins. Payment later, zero interest.

OOC: You have a seemingly infinite supply of gunships.... ;)

IC: The altimeter started to drop....the pilot yelled.

"GET ANY WAY YOU CAN TO SPEED UP THIS THING!"

The helicopters were dropping outside like flies, their rotors jammed. But just as things were looking hopeless, the plane rocketed forward at a ridiculous speed. Shangel's face felt like it was being ripped apart by angry camels, which had happened before when he was a child, although they didn't have much luck. But the days of playing Chastok and frustrating camels were behind him, as was, seemingly most of Taldaan. They even appeared to be outrunning the planes above them.

Suddenly they were over water. Near the border! About 5 more miles and they'd be over international waters!

--------------------------------------------

There was no hope for it. Somehow they'd made that plane go crazy. The planes went into a steep descent. But it was cut short when a voice crackled over the radio.

"These are the Taldaani authorities, I belive we have a little issue about the jungle and our elephants.....please refrain from what you are doing for the time being so we can discuss the...matter. Or else, we shall make you refrain."

The authorities seemed quite angry.

"Shit! Shit shit SHIT!" shouted Jennifer. It was worse than being pulled over when in a hurry. A LOT worse.

CollRe Systems arms dealership conglomerate offers assistance in the form of tailored bacteria that break down milk proteins. Payment later, zero interest.

Well, thought the pilot, intercepting the radio signal on the plane radio. He remembered the order.

Protect the Terrorists at all costs.

At all costs....here goes.

"We shall offer you even more than any of their offering prices NOT to sell them this! And you don't have any Tofu-breaking down products, do you?"

OOC: Please don't! The ice-cream's our only [good] protection! :p

Hmm...tofu's tricky. But let's just say... I will go ahead with the sale. But the counter to Tofu is RED MEAT!

"Ok, what do you want? I can't have the G80s land." asked Jennifer.

The C130 meanwhile, saw the giant Pwnage aircraft carrier sitting right outside Taldaani waters... Uh oh.

The C130 was slightly damaged by the Tofu, but was still navigatable.

"Sir, we have enemy aircraft carriers in the water." The captian smiled.

"No problem -- our rondezvous is right past them." The pilot seemed confused.

"Rondezvous?"

"Yes. Imperial Admiral Herkjyavich sent a few Pisces class battleships and a few subs to help us out."

"Jesus."

"Indeed, He's with us." The captain looked at the GPS. "Okay, the carrier should be right in front of us, and our rondezvous is right in front of the carrier."

"That's bad."

"No it's not. Dive."

"WHAT?!?"

"Dive. Underwater. The subs are waiting for us. Besides, the Pisces battleships will take care of the carriers, should it be necessary."

"Yessir." With that, the C130 began a nosedive into the water.


On board the carrier, some naval enlisted folk looked up at the C130.

"Holy crap! They're going right into the water! Shoot them down!" The lieutenant laughed.

"Nah, they'll die in the water. A C130 sinks, after all."



Back on the plane, everyone braced for impact as the plane went down under the water.
===============================
underwater

When the C130 was fully submerged, all electronic devices were shut off.

"They better get here soon -- we won't survive long under here." As if on cue, a submarine came up and attached itself to the door of the plane. When everything was opened, the people on the plane were quickly rushed onto the submarine, as the C130's tail was being crushed.

When everyone was on and the sub detached, the C130 was left to sink and be crushed under the water. As the submarine was running on a CAT propulsion system, ordinary sonar wouldn't detect it.

It was almost to third fleet, fifteen miles out to sea. Once it reached 800 metres, where sonar doesn't work (yes, this is a scientific fact), it rondezvoued with the Pisces battleships, also running on CATs (the Pisces is a modified Ohio class battleship that can submerge) went on at around five knots to the fleet. (CATs, while stealthy, are slow)


The terrorists were escaping to Derscon.......

Or, that's what the three fugitives thought.

ooc: CAT?

"Fuck, we have battleships on radar. Get the G80s into the air."

The gigantic VTOL engines of the G80s fired up as they took off the middecks of the carriers, Harrier style.

Each of the 24 G80s that took off carried 1 12 inch anti-naval railgun and 48 Anti-Ship missiles, Enough firepower to cause serious pain to any ship in existence.

"Well, that was strange."
Tom, who had probably just uttered the understatement of the century, rubbed his eyes to check that he wasn't dreaming. They had gone straight into the water in that plane, and then the rest was a blur. Neither he or Herman knew quite what was going on. These people had rescued them from the dinosaurs, but now they were being taken somewhere. He poked one of the mysterious captors.
"Where are we?"

"Onna sub."

"Going to?"

"Derscon. Then you'll be flown to Chinkawasis. Diplomatic thing."

"What happened to the Skorpions?"

"The what?"

"Errr...the other guys."

"They're above us, in some planes. But sonar doesn't work down here. We're away! This is your ticket out of here, terrorists!"

"We're not terrorists! We only threw ice-cream at people! And he," protested Herman, pointing at Shangel, who was equally dazed, "is just helping us to escape! He's not even a fugitive!"

"OK, OK. Does it matter? You're just getting outta here."

"No, I just thought I'd point it out. Can't they drop depth charges?"

"Yeah, but we'll see them coming ad dodge them. Nothing can stop us. Not even Tofu, now we know about the red meat."

OOC: Good sir, the Pisces battleship is underwater -- specifically, at 1000 meters, about 200 meters below the range where sonar stops effectively working. Also, a CAT propulsion system basically sucks in water and uses air pressure to shoot it out the backside of the sub, causing it to move forward slowly but surely. It is quiet enough that it blends in with the background noise -- some of which modern sonar filters out.
================================
the captain of the boomber that they were on looked at the XO.

"How long until we pass under these people?"

"About twenty kilometres, sir."

"Good. How long until we rondezvous with Second Fleet?" He looked at the charts.

"If they haven't moved, about one hundred kilos." The captain nodded. "Thank you. Check the missiles, make sure they're ready to fire." the XO recoiled.

"Missiles?!? Sir, we have nuclear weapons on board -- possibly in one of those missiles." The captain shruged.

"Find out which ones are nukes, and don't launch them. The rest prepare to fire."

"Yessir." The captain left the bridge and went to the room they were holding the terrorists in, and came in on their conversation. The captain shook his head.

"Chinkawasis was never in my orders. Granted, I'm only told what I need to know, but I don't recall anything on that. Anyways, we should be rondezvouing with Second Fleet shortly."

ooc: I meant the Second Fleet. I don't even know your subs exist.

ooc: I meant the Second Fleet. I don't even know your subs exist.

OOC: My bad, sorry.
======================================
Second Fleet

On board the Flagship HMS Angela, an Archangel-class carrier (the Archangel has two flight decks and a TON of weaponry), the Fleet Admiral was looking out into the ocean when a lieutenant came in. His shoulder patch had the CIC insignia on it.

"Yes?"

"Sir, the recon X-planes report incoming enemy aircraft with hostile intentions." The Admiral nodded.

"Shoot them down."

"Yessir."
- -- --- ---- ----- ------ ----- ---- --- -- -
"Front Lines"

0300

At the advance line, a Nimitz class Carrier, two Zimmermann class superbattleships, ten CG(X) cruisers, and ten DD(X) destroyers also recieved the recon reports, and also recieved the Admiral's orders.

"Take them down."

Fifty F/A-22 Raptors flew off the flight deck of the carrier, and the DD(X) Destroyers removed the cover from the railguns and activated the mechinized AAA guns on the decks, while the antiship guns were still inactive.

On the CG(X)'s, though, all of the RIM-162 ESSM/SAM launchers were being uncovered, as well as the railguns and the AAA guns.



Back on the HMS Angela, the Admiral thought for a moment.

"Is the subscreen there?"

"Hell yes, sir."

"What about the Pisces on the front?"

"Yeah, they're there."

"Surface them."

"Yessir."




At the front, the water was calm, even though all the ships were armed. Suddenly, ripples were forming all over the place. Erie green lights were emerging -- Saint Elmo's Fire, or so it was supposed to be. One could now see that twenty modified Ohio class battleships just appeared out of nowhere. Visually, though, all you could see was the Saint Elmo's Fire -- an unnerving and paralysing site.

All of the RIM-162 ESSM/SAMs were activated, as well as the AAA guns.


And that was just the advance squad.

ooc: eat my... (you'll find out in the post.)

"Fuck, that's one hell of a force."

"Sir, religion and religious references are illegal, I don't want to have to report you."

"It's a figure of speech, loosen up. Anyway, send the fighters and the rest of the gunships."

"Got it."

600 ASF-05 Drone fighters and 200 G20s took off, as well as 6 G100 Gunships, and 3 G-120s.

Meanwhile, nearby, 4 Pwnage uberbattleships sailed closer.

"Alright, at your orders Admiral."

"Hammer it down."

The entire Pwnage fleet and all the airplanes fired. Not bullets, slugs, or missiles of metal and fire, but Tofu. Extra-firm tofu, to ultra silky freshly made Tofu.

Gun barrels were clogged, missile guidance systems were thrown off, propellers and water jets were disrupted and gummed up.

A 10 ton, 20inch railgun slug made from ultra silky Tofu slammed into the bridge of the HMS Angela. The Dersconi Admiral was almost carried away by the torrent of soy moving at 14,000 mph, but was fortunately pressed into the back of another barrage of Tofu coming in the opposite direction.

As the Tofu flowed away, the Admiral just sat there in shock, his uniform permanently ruined by warm tofu.

Herman and Tom could hear the battle raging above them, and they looked at each other, scared. Shangel seemed less worried than them, but he was pacing the submarine floor. The crew had assured them that they would survive, but they weren't so sure.

OOC: Tsk, one thing you shall learn is you don't RP damages to my carriers. Angela is the name of my girlfriend -- I will do everything in my power to protect it.

And for Christ's Sake, six hundred? A single carrier......aww, what the hell. I'm getting serious again. ;)

Oh, and I forgot to tell you, the Flagship is in the center of the fleet -- a fleet of around one hundred ships. Good luck getting to it. ;)
========================
HMS Angela

"What the...." The admiral could do nothing but stare as the antimissile guns took down not missiles -- but tofu. Thankfully, the carrier was not hit, considering most of the planes were shot down or chased away by the ships in the middle. "Tofu?!?"

The officer from the CIC just stared. "Yes. Non-lethal, but I'm getting reports from the advance squad that it's wrecking havok on their missile guidence systems and some of the guns are jammed."

"TAKE THEM DOWN!" The Admiral shouted.

"Yessir!"

On that command, fifty Zimmermann class battleships, twenty DD(X)'s, and twenty CG(X)'s all unlocked thier weapons and prepared to fire at the ships.



Back on the Angela......

"Sir! Orders from the Kremlin. We are to use non-lethal force."

"How am I supposed to defend myself, then?" The XO chirped up.

"Frozen chickens! It should go right though the hull of the planes, maybe even take some down. We can rescue them and hold them later."

"You're a crazy one, but you've got an idea. Use them."

"Yessir!"

With that, a barrage of frozen chickens were fired at the MassPwnage planes.

There were a series of thumps from above the sub. Something fell past the sub's hatch. It looked like a chicken.

"Not more food...." muttered Shangel to himself.

ooc: I have a Cerebus Class Uber carrier sitting outside Taaldani waters.

"AARGH! DUCK!" A chicken slammed through the bridge of the Carrier.

"What was that sir?"

"A frozen chicken!"

"Goddamnit, this is WAR!"

"I think, sir, that we are using Tofu to avoid a war."

"Oh really."

Meanwhile:

The huge G-120 airplane got a lock on the Angela. The plane's 20 inch anti-naval railgun lined up, ready to blast it with Tofu.

A chicken slammed into the side of the railgun and knocked it off by a millimeter.

Oh shit.

The railgun fired, blasting a hot stream of tofu across the Angela's deck and missing. The tofu flew onwards, slamming into an uber-battleship, knocking one it's railguns off alignment.

The railgun on the battleship fired and hit the bridge of the Carrier.

The Pwnage admiral's uniform was ruined.

Revenge would be taken on the Dersconis.

Underwater Caravan

The subs and battleships submerged underwater finally passed beyond the naval battle -- in fact, they were well beyond it.

In fact, they were currently pulling into harbour at Polyarnyy Naval Base, Murmansk, Derscon. Once they pulled in, the order was given to the Second Fleet.

Cargo recived at Polyarnyy. Pull out at once. Should the enemy ships
dishonour you and fire at you as you retreat, you are authorized to use
lethal force against them. Repeat, should they fire at you as you leave, you
are authorized to use lethal force to eliminate them.
=====================================
HMS Angela

0600

"Sir! Words from the Kremlin! We are to pull out immediately, and if they fire at us, use lethal force!" The Admiral nodded.

"About time! Move out, at maximum speed! Alert the rest of the fleet, and get me a comm line with the MassPwnage fighters and ships!"

"Yessir!"

MassPwnage forces, this is Fleet Admiral Gregoriy Kamarov, commander
of Second Fleet in the Dersconi Imperial Navy. We have no further use of being
here, and we are withdrawing. Repeat, we are withdrawing, and mean no harm.
The only reason we fired at you was because you fired at us, and this will
continue. We are withdrawing, and I request you allow us to leave in peace.
Should you fire on us, though, we will use deadly force in order to protect
the Fleet and the Rodina.
I bid you farewell.

The Admiral got off the comm line and turned to the XO. "Everything ready?" He nodded.

"Absolutely, sir. We are already in withdraw formation."

Dawn was not quite there, yet, but once could see the sun start to rise. In the rear, the battleships and destroyers formed a V-formation with it opening towards the Dersconi Fleet as they withdrew. All around, the ships were surrounding the carrier formation -- one could tell that the fleet was divided into five quardrants. (A rhombus diamond with the center cut out for the Flagship and its escorts.)

The planes landed back on the carriers and a new wave -- a much larger one -- came up; and they were armed with missiles.

When the Admiral said deadly force, he meant deadly force.
================================
OOC: I apologize, but in order for a plane to have a railgun, the power supply would about fill up half a frickin B-52, or the plane would have to run on a nuclear reactor.

Again, this isn't a serious RP, but I had to get that off my chest. Sorry once again.

"Good.

ooc: i'm post modern, the G-120 has a 550 foot wingspan and has 4 fusion reactors.

"Go ahead then. Withdraw. But you're paying for my uniform."

HMS Angela

The Fleet Admiral read the message and laughed.

No problem. Send the bill to the Kremlin.

With that, they headed back home.
===============================
Polyarnyy Naval Base, Murmansk

Four armed Marines led Shangel, Herman, and Tom to the Base Command Center, where twenty-six armed Dersconi SS soldiers, as well as seven Humvees, were waiting. The SS captain saluted the Marines when they approached.

"Thank you. We'll take them from here." The Marines saluted and walked off when the SS soldiers took them.

"Okay," the commander ordered. "Mount up." With that, the three terrorists were loaded up into seperate vehicles, while each of them were seperated by a Humvee, and there was the point Humvee with the Gauss cannon.

*Two Hours Later*

Tom was getting bored and turned to the commander, who was riding with him.

"Where are we going?"

"Rekjyavich Andropov Military City," was the cold response.

"Wha?"

The commander turned and actually looked at him.

"The capital of Derscon."

"Oh." After a few minutes....

"Are we there yet?" Tom asked.

"No."

........

"Are we there yet?" The commander glared at him.

"No, we are not." two minutes later.

"Are we the---"

"NO!!"

"Oh, okay." ........

"Are we the--"

"SHUT UP!" Tom just stared.

"Fine." About an hour later.

"Are we there yet?" The commander nodded to the SS soldier sitting by Tom, and he smiled. The SS soldier took out a roll of duct tape and taped Tom's mouth shut.

"And the answer is still no."

ooc: i'm post modern, the G-120 has a 550 foot wingspan and has 4 fusion reactors.

OOC: How the heck does it stay airbourne?!?!?!?

ooc: Plasma power heats a turbine that spins the (gigantic) turbofans. Bingo.

OOC: I thought it was nuclear powered? Even playing postmodern, which I sometimes do, a jet like that would be virtually impossible to make -- and even if it did, it's impractical. It's such a big target a few SAMs won't have any trouble shooting it down. Also, it's so big, it cannot outrun anything.

But that's not my problem. ;)

Now on with the show!
=============================
Kremlin Palace, Derscon

John Rekjyavich, Crown Prince of the Protestant Prussian Czardom of Derscon, looked up from his desk to see two SS officers walk in.

"Hello there. What can I do for you?"

"Sir, the package has been delivered." The Prince nodded.

"Okay. Throw them all in the dungeons."

"Yessir." The SS soldiers were dismissed and the Prince picked up the phone.

"Secretary, please patch me through to the Taldanni Head of State."

"Yessir."
==============================
SECRETARY: This is the office of the Taldanni Head of State. Who is this?

PRINCE JOHN: This is Prince John Rekjyavich of Derscon. I'm calling about the
Ice Cream Terrorists. May I please speak with the Head of State?

Kremlin Dungeons

Deep beneath the Palace, the three fugitives were being led by torchlight down a stone stairwell. With them were eight members of the Crown's personal army -- the Praesillei Dei. They were part of the "Dungeon Division" as it was called, responsible for the keeping of "VIPs" -- Very Important Prisoners -- interrogating them, and doing whatever the Crown wants to do with them. They were headed by the Knight Commander of Internal Security, nicknamed the "Inquisitor," as he carried out all interrogations. It was also for his ruthless tactics in obtaining, interrogating, and keeping prisoners.

After a long walk, they finally arrived at the end of the stairwell. Two Honour Guards (Think HLAO 2 Brute Honour Guards) with grey armour, signifying they were also part of the Dungeon Division, stood guard over the reinforced steel door. When the three-inch door was opened from the inside, they entered a room that was padded white, with bright white flourescent lights shining on them, but you couldn't tell from where.

"Greetings," a voice from nowhere could be heard. "Welcome to the dungeons. Please enjoy your stay, however long or short it may be." With that, the wall opposite the steel door moved open, exposing another white room. When they walked into it, the wall closed, and the other wall opposite that one opened. They walked into the next room, and the wall shut behind them.

"What was that about?" Tom asked, shakily.

"Soundproof doors," the guard responded. The room did not seem like a dungeon. There were guards randomly placed, and some doors every once in awhile -- presumably soundproof, by their design -- but that was it.

They were in the Interrogation Centre, but they weren't stopping.

The party was led to the back of the Centre to a steel door not unlike the first one they encountered, but smaller. When the Praesillei Dei guarding that door opened it, the group walked down the stone staircase to the bottom -- to a barred door. It was opened, and they were led in.

This, it was obvious, was the prison chamber. It was lighted by red flourescent lights going down the hallway. The room was lighted well, but an eerie red glow was about the room. The room was designed like the old American prison of Alcatraz, only the doors were opened by a control centre, which was in a seperate room. A large, blue "A" was on the stone walls periodically, symbolizing the obvious -- this was cell block "A."

"Three prisioners, open available cells," a guard called out. Hidden microphones and video cameras planted in each of the cells picked it up, and three cell doors -- one on one end, one on the opposite end, and one in the middle, all on the same side -- opened up. Each cell, while it looked like it was just stone, had a thick soundproof barrier between them, as so they could not communicate secretly. Also, under the barrier, three inches of steel on each side prevented anyone from escaping. The room was kept at a cool 55 degrees Fahrenheit.

"You'll be staying here until the Crown issues a declaration stating your release or your execution. Both usually never come. Have a good day." With that, the escorts left them alone.

"Yes, of course. I'll put you through now."

The President of Taldaan sat in his office. It had been a slow day, no legislation to discuss. The sun streamed in through the open window, his feet were up on the desk, and he had a newspaper over his face. Gentle snoring could be heard, or at least it could if you stood close enough. He dreamt peaceful dreams.
And then the busty brunette opened her mouth and whispered in his ear...
*Ring ring*
He sat up with a jolt, the newspaper fluttering to the floor. His boots came down off the desk, and his hands flew to the telephone.

"Hi. This is the President of Taldaan. What can I do for you?"

Mentally, he kicked himself. He had sounded as if he was taking a pizza delivery order.

"I mean.....Who summons Gra'hjg'thrhsadf, Lord of the Underworld?"

He would wonder for the rest of his life how he had managed to pronounce Gra'hjg'thrhsadf, but that answer was inappropriate as well. Taldaan wasn't evil, it wasn't run by demons, and it didn't eat babies.

"President speaking, who is this?"

Better. Not great, but good enough.

A voice crackled over.

"We have the three ice-cream terrorists detained. ou won't need those....things any more."

"Good, good. They were causing enough damage anyway. Wait! 3, you say?"

"Yep. Looks vaguely Chinkian."

"He wasn't one of the ice-cream terrorists!"

"Then he must have been helping them to escape. We'll keep him detained."

The President groaned. "I'm afraid you should let him go. I can't imagine what the diplomatic results would be if I didn't..."

"You sure about this? He WAS commiting a crime in helping the terrorists to escape the country."

"Rekjyavich, so were you."

"Well....that's different...."

"You know how tight the terror laws are nowadays. If this gets out, regardless of the consequences, you won't be gaining many allies, that's for sure."

"Damn you! Allright....have him. But take him back to Taldaan immediately. We don't want him causing any trouble and helping them to escape."

"Will do."

He put the phone down and sighed. The two ice-cream terrorists had been causing all kinds of problems, and if he wasn't careful, the third could cause him even more.

Kremlin Palace

The Prince hung up the phone and shrugged. "Well, then," he said as he ordered in the Inquisitor.

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

"I need you to do me a favour."

"Yes?"

"See to it that the prisoners don't make it out of the dungeon for awhile."

"Yessir. How should I go about this?"

"The usual. Technically, a prisoner must go through one month of detention and then interrogation before being considered for release, and only the Czar himself can override that."

"Where is he now?"

"He's at his flat, entertaining foreign guests. He left me instructions not to disturb him unless someone declared war on us, and I will not dishonour my father's wishes." THe Inquisitor nodded.

"Then what should I do?"

"Nothing. No matter what anyone says, do nothing. Follow standard procedures as usual."

"Yessir."

"Oh, and by the way, try not to kill anyone, please?" The Inquisitor smiled.

"I never remove life, sir. Only their dignity." The Prince smirked.

"Then do so without mercy."

"Yessir."

ooc: Lol, the 2nd branch of the Skorpions is called "The Skorpion Inquisition."

ooc: Lol, the 2nd branch of the Skorpions is called "The Skorpion Inquisition."

OOC: Heh. The Legio Dei, the private army of the crown, is divided up into three parts:

1) Knights Templar (earth Only) (abolished)
2) The Inquisition (Space colonies only)
3) Praesillei Dei (Earth Only)

The Knights were abolished and sent into the SS, and the Praesillei Dei goes down a lot further, but no need to go into detail.

At about that moment a plane set out form Taldaan to collect the third prisoner, oblivious of Derson's other intentions.

================================

Shangel paced around the cell and kicked the wall. Oh well. The Sultan would check up on how he was doing - after all, he was scheduled personally - and something would be done. But for now they seemed trapped. Tom gave a helpful comment from the corner.

"I've heard that constitutional dungeons are never without a secret exit."

"You're trying to tell me that the most guarded dungeons have an exit other than the door? Why? So prisoners can slip out for bloody Chagstok!?"

"What?"

"Never mind. Native game."

"Oh. Anyway, all countries must be prepared for coups, right?"

"Yeah? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, if someone else takes over and there are dungeons avaliable, the ruler will likewise be imprisoned in the cells, right?"

"And?"

"Well, they never build a cell that they themselves can't get out of, in case the need arises."

"OK, fair enough. Your point being?"

"It's not entirely stupid to start searching for a secret exit."

"Good point."

He started searching, namely around the point of kicking each brick, hard. Despite appearing fairly scrawny, Shangel was actually fairly strong. Regardless, it was like trying to break down a thick stone wall with a shoe. Which was, technially, what he was doing.

Herman doubted that what Shangel had said was true, but the missionary had come up with some very good ideas before. He kicked the wall experimentally, then kicked it again harder. There was a brief respite for the wall, as Herman hopped around the room clutching his foot and screaming.

"None over here."

ooc: Damn. My non-RP puppet escaped from its cage again.

ooc: no problem.

The Skorpions, not wanting to get arrested by the Taaldanis, sent for another gunship to pick them up.

They waited.

ooc: that was my puppet.

Herman doubted that what Shangel had said was true, but the missionary had come up with some very good ideas before. He kicked the wall experimentally, then kicked it again harder. There was a brief respite for the wall, as Herman hopped around the room clutching his foot and screaming.

"None over here."

OOC: Tom made te suggestion, Shangel's kicking the wall. ;)

ooc: oops.....

OOC: There is no exit, the original designers had no intention of a coup. They're egotistical -- Rekjyavich Andropov Military City is a fortress, nevertheless the Kremlin Complex, which is a fortress within a fortress.
======================
Ministry of War, Rekjyavich Andropov Military City

Dersconi Air Defence Command Center

Aeromarschall Ramius Aerostalvich, commander in chief of the RAF, was looking over the radar and satellite displays of incoming aircraft.

"Sir, incoming craft to the west, Chinkopodian, by the readings." the Aeromarschall smiled.

"Excellent. Send five Eagles to intercept it and escort it to New Moscow International Airport. Do not, repeat, do not allow it in the no-fly zone over RAMC."

"Yessir."
==============================
Dersconi Airspace over Sea

"Target in five minutes," the Squad leader said. The five F-15A Eagles, and for an added bonus, two F-16 Fighting Falcons, were en route to escort the craft. Eventually, they caught up with it.

Greetings from Derscon! I'll be your tour guide for the trip. Please follow
me -- for your own safety. Any unescorted craft in Dersconi airspace is shot
down, so if you were smart, you'd follow.

With that, they were led to NMIA.

OOC: Kindly don't RP too much of my stuff. I have very specific things I must go through to get you from Moscow to RAMC, then the Kremlin.

After a lot of kicking, Shangel deduced that there were, in fact, no secret entrances.

"You were saying?". He glanced accusingly at Tom.

"Hey, how was I to know? There are always exceptions to the rule." Tom replied innocently.

Herman slunk down on his barrel of ice-cream and moaned to himself.

"Damn....we're stuck in here for the rest of our lives. At least we have ice-cream." he said, with a half-hearted smile.

"I'VE GOT IT! THE ICE-CREAM!"

[mission impossible music plays in background ;) ]

Herman dunked his finger in the ice-cream and spread it on the bars in the window. There was a hissing noise. They split in two. Shangel drew back his fist and punched the bars. They flew out onto the ground below. They started to chip away at the cement in the wall with more ice-cream...

====================

They looked up in the sky. They were somewhere in the Kremlin Complex grounds. There was a small runway by in front of them. They heard the roar of a plane above in the distance. In fact, many planes. Shangel looked up.

"Hey! It's Chinkian! Looks like a Dund-Ur 767. Government private plane. It has to be something to do with me!" exclaimed Shangel.

"Hmmm.....it's being escorted. It doesn't look like they'd let it land anywhere near here, or even collect you for that matter."

"Wait!" shouted Tom. "Herman, look at that plane!"

There was a plane coming towards them in the distance. Taldaani. It was landing.

Tom got even more excited. "It must be a clever ploy! The Chinkian plane arrives first and they concentrate their efforts on that! Meanwhile, the Taldaani aeroplane comes in as unnoticed!"

[OOC: Aha! Derscon didn't read the posts! It was a Taldaani aeroplane, not Chinkian!]

It touched down on the runway and squeled as it came to a halt. It turned around on the runway and the doors opened. The three ran towards it. The person at the door looked down to them and spoke.

"That's the guy." he said to himself, looking at a photo. "I would have thought they'd hand you over themselves." he glanced at Shangel. "Who are you two?"

"Errrr....William and Magnus." Herman replied quickly before Tom could reply with their real names.

"I have strict orders only to take the Chinkian."

Shangel relied stubbornly. "I am not coming if they don't come too."

The pilot paused for a moment. "I'm screwed if I don't come back with you.....oh, what the hell. William and....Mag.."

"-nus." said Tom happily.

"Yeah, Magnus, whatever. You can come too."

They boarded the plane. Having already turned around, it sped off down the runway and flew for 15 minutes before passing out of Dersconian airspace.

A G80 from the carrier landed (squashing even more jungle). It appeared to have been pelted by frozen chicken.

"Get on, we're taking you all back home."

"Finally, and hurry up, the Taldaanis are coming to arrest us."

"Got it."

The G80 took off and sped out of Taldaani airspace.

Tom, Herman and Shangel saw the G80 ascending about a mile to the left of the plane.

"Well," commented Herman to Tom, "we're safe from the Skorpions anyway."

Unfortunately, due to a weird stroke of events, a bird flew into one of the 767's jet intakes.

The engine exploded, and the plane started to fall to earth.

In the G80:

"That plane just went down!"

"Should we help them?"

"Nah, let's just go home."

"Oh come on, don't be an asshole. We have to at least comb the wreckage for survivors (and any valuables that survived the crash)."

"Oh, alright damnit."

"Sir, they got away." the Prince nodded.

"I ordered the defenses down. I didn't want to get involved. Do you really think they could've evaded that much security? No, I let them go. I don't need to get involved. This situation never happened. Clear?"

"Yessir."

ooc: dude
NO KILLING. That's the first rule posted by Taldaan.

ooc: dude
NO KILLING. That's the first rule posted by Taldaan.

OOC: Damn, forgot about that. http://assets.jolt.co.uk/forums/images/smilies/wall.gif

You escape from the inescapable dungeons, and for some reason, I can't intercept you (because you posted everything evading radar, SAM, etc).

*sigh*

I guess I'm just not very good at not killing anything.

ooc: don't worry man... just be creative.

Herman cheered. They were out of that prison and on their way to safety. Of course, they were on their way to safety for about the fifth time. Their pursuers were cunning. Herman tried to be cunning, but not even making shifty eyes seemed to help anymore. Shangel had got them out of yet another mess. He seemed to have a knack for that. Of course, when they got home Herman would try to take all the credit, but he was grateful nonetheless. As they sped along, he practiced with the ice-cream, splattering the sleeping figure of Tom.

OOC: Damn, forgot about that. http://assets.jolt.co.uk/forums/images/smilies/wall.gif

You escape from the inescapable dungeons, and for some reason, I can't intercept you (because you posted everything evading radar, SAM, etc).

*sigh*

I guess I'm just not very good at not killing anything.

OOC:
A: We have teh 1337 ice-cream!
B: The roleplay, as you may have picked up, is more fun than serious. If they're inescapable dungeons, how does the story move on? As for them escaping, ditto the above - with your uber-security, it's going to be a bit hard. At least I gave a valid reason - the Chinkian plane, which was in the story due to a reading error by Derscon, was 'hogging' the security - due tyo the delicate situation, the plane was untrustworthy and all defenses were concentrated on it.
C: You're not meant to kill anyone - this is just meant to be fun!

IC: Then Herman realised something. The plane! The altimeter was slowly decreasing!

He thumped Tom on the back. "Tom! The plane's going down!"

Tom shrieked and ran towards the pilot. "Something's happened! We're going down!" The pilot fiddled with the altimeter.

"Dammit, you're right! I'll try and land you in Taldaan as best I can."

"Errrr...." Tom, mild as he was, felt a sense of urgency. They'd be back where they started! The Taldaan police would get them again!

"Excuse me? Out of interest, how does one steer this plane?"

"Oh, you just use this small thing here."

"So. Where's Taldaan from up here?"

"Over there." said the pilot, pointing. "And that," he said, pointing towards rolling steppes in the distance, with mountains behind it on the left hand side and red land, probably desert on the right. "is Chinkopodia. It's about the same distance from here as Taldaan is."

Tom's mind was already made up, but the chances seemed even better. Chinkopodia - wasn't that where Shangel was from? He'd know the terrain even better! And it was the same distance - they'd probably be able to reach it. He beckoned Shangel over and made a series of gestures. Then he prodded the pilot on the shoulder. The pilot turned his head.

"Yes? Wha-"

A fist slammed into his face. Shangel smiled.

"I'm flying this plane now!" shouted Tom triumphantly.

========================================

The plane gathered speed and continualy decreased at a slow rate - Herman, having started off life as a mechanic, before joining the law firm, deduced that something must have been caught in the engine, producing the slow descent. After about 15 minutes, the plane crossed from Taldaani waters into Unoccupied Territories, and then after another 2 minutes of flying found itself flying over tundra. 5 minutes later, well into the Chinkian steppe and over the border, the plane crashed into the steppes, digging up grasses. Parts of the plane flew off. The door opened, and a fairly concussed Shangel walked out from the plane into his homeland, Tom and Herman following behind.

========================================

Lamdan picked up the telephone.

"Hello? Office of Sultan Kradal, secretary speaking."

"This is border control. A plane has just passed over the border. It is Taldaani, but judging by our readings of the crashed plane, there were only 4 occupants, including a pilot that we have recovered. He said he had been knocked out and gave a description of his attackers. It matches the description of the two ice-cream theives and your man there which you warned us about. We have since returned the pilot back to Taldaan, and judging by witness reports the three men are en route to Erdenet. What shall we do?"

"Leave them be, they're OK," said Lamdan after a short pause. This should really be the Sultan's descision, but being eccentric his reply would have been along the lines of "MELON! MELON! MELON!" - new pills were lost in the post, "but keep track of them, as I should imagine, due to their...extravagent entry, they wouldn't be without their problems. That and the fact two of them are fugitives. If they should be intercepted by enemy forces, permission is granted to use reasonable force to keep them safe."

The three of them had entered Chinkopodia. Lamdan had heard the international news lately, they'd caused a wake of devestation behind them. But somehow, and he couldn't imagine how, they had made it here, and for that he was glad. The Sultan had been moaning about that ice-cream for a while now.

========================================

Tom, Herman and Shangel continued walking across the steppes. Bayanhongor was visible in the distance, and from there there was a raod to Erdenet - with any luck they would make it to their destination within a few days. Things were looking up...

"AARGH!"

"What?"

"They crashed in Chinkopodia!"

"Fuck."

"What do we do?"

"We can't do anything without declaring war"

"Damn."

"Who's they?" someone butted in.

"The fugitives! They must have escaped Derscon!"

"You know, we don't have to declare war. We could just help them - it's not as f we're on a contract or getting anything out of this - apart from diplomatic relations, but that's pretty much trashed after the jungle thing."

"WHAT!?"

"Hmm... We could just give up, although I REALLY hate failing missions."

"Yea... well, then we can just give up..."

"Let's land in Chinkopodia then and announce that we're giving up."

"Fine."

"We could start another mission. Like.....to protect them against Derscon. They'll be after them for sure. Then we don't have to 'fail'...."

"Well, I don't have the authority to do that. But let's just land."

"Alrite.."

Herman smiled as they walked. Through a lot of things that he thought could never possibly happen in real life, they had escaped the combined efforts of three nations and splattered a lot of people with ice-cream along the way. Of course, there would probably be wars fought about this fiasco, and Taldaan would probably end up a lot smaller and crispier before, but there were other things to think about. Such as where he could get more Smarties from. But they were safe. And so together they climbed aboard the fluffy pink llama and rode off into the setting sun. Quite possibly not for the last time.

OOC: Yaay! Fluffy pink llamas!

IC: Yep. Definately not for the last time.

OOC: Shall we finish this off soon or carry on a bit more?

ooc: Finish this off soon, but if I get round to it there could be a second installment sometime......

Yay! My 400th post! I'm now "sometimes deadly"!

The three had reached the minor motorway from Bayanhongor to Altay a day ago, and had now reached Altay. After stopping off at a service station fr some bad-quality fast food and grain for their fluffy pink llama, they had set off on the major motorway which led them straight to the capital - Erdenet.

[Here's the map of Chinkopodia] (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v445/Rudi/Chinkopodiaphysical.jpg)

Unless anything happened in the next day, they'd be at Edenet and the Sultan's office by tomorrow afternoon. He'd have his ice-cream, Shangel will be back home, and Tom and Herman would have protection.

OOC: OK. I'll see if MassPwnage or Derscon will do anything, and if not, then just finish it some time tomorrow. If there's a second installment, TG me about it - this one's been great. ;)

ooc:TG me for part II as well.

The Skorpions radioed the Chinkian government.

"This is just to announce that we're giving up."

Lamdan took the call.

"Thank you for informing us."

He poked his head around the Sultan's doorway.

"The ice-cream will be here soon, don't worry."

"Llama llama melon pineapple!"

"And Olgiy Telecomm has promised they'll try and locate those missing pills." added Lamdan, rolling his eyes.

==================================

Shangel buried his head into the llama's fluff. The sandstorm whipped up by the desert stung, but not much. He was fairly used to it. Tom and Herman weren't though, and were constantly rubbing themselves. The llama flared its nostrils and batted its ears. Shangel turned back to Tom and Herman.

"You know, we should really keep in contact afterwards."

"Well, we'll probably have to stay here for a while while things die down back in Taldaan."

"I'm probably going to be staying here preaching for a small while, then I'll probably return back to Taldaan, or somewhere else. You could help, if you want. But yeah, I'll be here for about a year I should think. I've got lots of things to catch up on."

"That wouldn't be a bad idea. I suppose any chances of regaining my law career are busted."

"And my ice-cream selling." said Tom, muffled through the hair of the llama.

"Well, we'll think about it when the time comes."

"How long 'till we get there?" asked Tom, very much like on the way to Derscon, and just as annoyingly.

"Oh, not long now. A few more hours. Look, you can see Bulgan in the distance. With the mines? From there it's hardly any time."

And almost at the end of their [fairly epic] journey the sun set - yet again - on the perplexed llama, Tom, Herman and Shangel. And although possibly not for the last time, in this event it would be. By noon tomorrow, they'd be at the end of it all.

|||||*****LAST POST!!!*****|||||
;)

It had all gone well. No interfering Skorpions. No Dersconian invasions. Clear passage, right the way to Erdenet. They had passed Bulgan about half an hour before arriving, and had seen the sweating miners and the swarm of industries. That gave Herman an idea. Half an hour after that, they had dismounted the llama and crossed th Erdenet ring-road into Erdenet. And after a twenty minute train journey and a two minute walk, they arrived at the Sultan's palace. They were then identified and led through the maze of red-carpeted corridors until they reached the Isosceles Trapezium Office, containing the Sultan and his [reluctant] secretary, Lamdan. Three seats were carried into the room. They sat down. Herman rested his barrel of ice-cream on the floor.

"Well?" asked Herman.

The Sultan stared at him for a moment and replied "Dromedaries eat apples in the SLAGlands!"

Lamdan quickly butted in. "I'm sorry, his pills have been lost and he's not in good form. What he means to say - no, would probably have said if he was sane, is that he....errrrmm....heard of your...eventful recent life in Taldaan and sent a message to Shangel to track you down and...bring back some ice-cream. And it appears he's succeeded."

"MELON MELON MELON!" shouted the Sultan.

Herman looked at the Sultan skeptically, and turned back to Lamdan. "What do we do now? We can't go back, we'll just be arrested!"

"We'll offer you temporary citizenship until this blows over, if you want."

"Done. Tom?"

"Yep, I'm OK with that. Anyway, this place looks nice - perfect for cooling off after this."

"We'll do it then."

"Very well. You can go in a second," said Lamdan, noticing Tom rising, "but you couldn't spare some ice-cream, could you?"

"Oh yeah - we have a whole barrel here." Herman bent down and opened up the barrel. The ice-cream had melted.

===================================

Herman, Tom and Shangel exited the palace and hailed a taxi.

"So," said Shangel, "you're going to send him some ice-cream when you make more then?"

"That's what I said." replied Herman.

"And what are you going to do while you're here?"

"Oh, I have a little plan. You can help us if you want." Herman told Shangel his plan. Shangel thought for a moment.

"Definately! That's a really good idea! How come no-one's thought of it before?"

And the taxi arrived, and drove off, Shangel, Tom and Herman conversing about their new and restarted lives.

===================================

Pablos Guyandak, miner for the G sector of Bulgan Mining Cooperation, strolled out of the mine in the twilight and rubbed the sweat off his back. It was awfully hot in the mines, and so one sweated a lot. It was an uncomfortable life, but he had no education and this was one of the few jobs he could afford to work for. And recently his life had been made a lot easier. Three men had set up a stall outside the main mine complex, and were making stacks of chinks. They sold something to keep off the heat of the days, and the other miners had flocked to it like wasps to a pitcher of Gythan beer. The men had a name for it....that was it. 'Ice-cream'.

===================================

And as Shangel, Tom and Herman closed up the ice-cream stall for the night - although now it was more of a shop, due to increased earnings and demand - and looked into the setting Chinkian sun. The silhouette of a llama loped across the desert, and disappeared over the horizon. Herman and Tom watched it as it faded into the darkness. Herman then turned to Tom.

"Yep, I think our new life here is going to turn out just fine..." he said, pausing afterwards.

But Herman was wrong. This wasn't a new life - it was just the end of one of a series of installments....

THE END

for now....

ooc: Thanks for wrapping this RP up for me. I couldn't have done it better.
:fluffle: to everyone, and I hope that you enjoyed this. I will TG all those who requested if and when there is a sequel.

Taldaan

OOC: Thanks, glad you liked it. :)

ooc: Glad to be of assistance.