NationStates Jolt Archive

The greatest tank ever produced by Okyton Enterprises

The Fondue 5000

Price: $156’000

Buy one get one free (plus complimentary cocktail umbrella) (limited time only)

http://www.rpgclassics.com/mailbag/Tank.jpg

Armament

The F-5000 is fitted with a patented weapons grade cheese cannon capable of firing melted cheese up to 500 m in any direction. Pumping out 16 litres of the cheese per second for as much as five minutes before the tank can be replaced by another from a supply truck of your choice. With such a fearsome weapon even the most Swedish of enemy will be forced to bow to you.

Armour

The F-5000 tank is protected by both conventional armour-plating and explosive reactive armour (ERA).
The F-5000 is fitted with the Shtora-1 defensive aids suite which is produced by Dzillish Corp of Gene Ware Inc. This system includes infrared jammer, laser warning system with four laser warning receivers, grenade discharging system which produces an aerosol screen and a computerised control system.
It is also fitted with NBC (nuclear, biological and chemical) protection equipment.

Propulsion

The F-500 has a liquid-cooled V-84MS 618kW (840 hp) four-stroke V-12 piston engine. This engine can be fuelled by T-2 or TS-1 kerosene and A-72 benzine, in addition to diesel. The tank can carry up to 1,600 litres of fuel in the main fuel tanks and fuel drums. The fuel tanks are reinforced with armour plating.
The tank is provided with a snorkel for deep fording and can ford 5m of water with equipment which can be deployed in 20 minutes.
The mechanical transmission includes primary reduction gear, two planetary final gearboxes and two planetary final drives. The running gear features torsion bar suspension with hydraulic shock absorbers at one, two and six road wheel stations and tracks with rubber-metallic pin hinges.

Cheese & Wine Bump - This is the greatest tank ever produced... tremble

I would like to buy a dozen. Have any attack helicopters?

In the same line, not at the moment, i'm working on grenades.

That'd be $936'000

I would like 2 tanks and 2 free tanks at once!!!

Hataria will buy 120 of your tanks

Money Wired on confirmaion.

I would like to purchase 250 tanks for 39 Million USD and 250 more for free.

You may all have tanks... orders confirmed.

And i'm updating the offer :D

I'll take 1000 of them, if you can line me up with some 'fork' style anti-fondue tank traps too.

That spin when hit by cheese based weapondry... i'm sure i could.

You may all have tanks... orders confirmed.

And i'm updating the offer :D


****************************MONEY WIRED*************************

That spin when hit by cheese based weapondry... i'm sure i could.


Good. Money wired.

OOC:LOL! Although... that picture would look really good for a ACTUAL tank(Maybe a Tank Destroyer since I dont see any machineguns).

WEAPONS TESTING FOR THE F-5000

[Crassuss external diagnostic systems –online]
Subject = Post-Human (Ver.4) Body No 132 (Post-Human (Ver.2) Shell) = Amy
Weapon = F-5000 weapons grade cheese cannon

[Recording]

With a bright flash of a million different colours Amy transferred the bulk of her attention to one of her subsidiary bodies, a low spec Ver.2 would be suitable for Crassuss purposes as its capabilities were as near to human as available.

It took her a couple of nanoseconds to get used to having most of her mind in one place, let alone in such a tiny body, but looking around her she felt soft grass beneath her feet. A light westerly breeze, roughly 1.45 km/h blew through her shoulder length hair. A deep breath of the clean Okyton air reminded her that she should assume physical form more often, its pleasures has nearly faded.

A slight nudge to her mind snapped her out of her millisecond refrain as Crassuss became impatient, she saw little point in this experiment, but at the same time she had as much a sense of humour as the next Post-Human and so no reason not to oblige Crassuss. Getting into, what to her seemed a proper fighting stance; she shuffled to the side slightly to face the oncoming tank. As its turret whirred and clinked to focus upon her she began to run, quite a leisurely pace for a Post-Human but she had been told to keep as within human limitation as possible. Before shed got within 300 feet of the tank it fired. Diving after an appropriate pause for human reflexes she found herself struck in the chest by a stream of hot cheese. Trying to struggle to her feet now that the beam was above her head, she found the cheese beginning to set. She was less that half upright before the jet met her again and she was flung backward, the soft taste of cheese filling her mouth. As the pool of cheese spread about her, her struggles became fainter. Had the stream continued, and had she needed oxygen to survive it might have drowned her. But within human specifications she was at the very least firmly restrained, her limbs sunk within the Okyton brand weapons cheese.

REPORT

[Crassuss] = Adequate
[Amy] = Good Fun
[ONN News] We can’t see it catching on
[Lord Maa’ntk of Gene Ware Inc] = The development of stronger battle cheeses is progressing well

We would like to order 250 more for 39 Million USD and recieve 250 more free.

Your order is confirmed... you will recieve 250 free cocktail umbrellas as well compliments of Gene Ware Inc.

No one can patent cheese tech! That just isnt right!

OOC: :rolleyes: I almost bought these till I realized they fired cheese. :D

Lord Maa'ntk: When you develope specially engineered battle cheese, and the acompanying non clogging fireing system come back to me. For now battle fondue is property of Gene Ware Inc.

OOC: This tank was designed because someone on msn complained that he thought a certain weapon of a certain someones was so godmoddish that it was like saying he had to rp cheese hitting his tanks... so now he has to.

Hi,

please may i purchase 500 of these tanks and 500 free?
$78,000,000 wired on confirmation

thanks,
Swine Hunters of Gesellschaft

You may have 500 of these tanks and also 501 free, because i like your name.

I will also take this chance to officially announce that Okyton Enterprises is developing the Fondue-360 Attack Helicopter, which should be ready soon.

OOC: When this thread sinks ill do the helicopter :D

OOC: Haha, Please develop guns, tanks, helicopters everything with cheese based weaponry. I want to start a cheese Division.

:gundge: Cheese based weaponry! Cheese it's a valuable and cheap kind of ammunition, especially in the agricultural Free lands of cultivators.
We have already submitted $78.000.000 to your Swiss account for 500 F-5000 tanks and 500 tanks for free . Could you develop cow-launcher artillery?

I'm afraid we dont develope weapondry designed specifically to kill and therefore no cow launchers will be produced. We also dont know of this Swiss which you speak of.

These aside we will be happy to provide you with your requested tanks, so long as you promis never to use that chemical smiley ever again.