NationStates Jolt Archive

REBEPACITOPIAN NEWS NETWORK---RNN

5:20 CRIMSONCOW, REBEPACITOPIA

Many pedestrians in the busy Rebepacitopian capital were inconvenienced today when an elderly man dropped his left contact lense. Some 200,000 people came to a complete halt while the old man (Otis Yulpo, 85) and a philanthropic group of citizens searched for the optical lense.
Unfortunately the elusive lense was never found. Ironically, the lense was replaced at only $15.00, yet the productivity loss was calculated by economists at around 1.7 million dollars.

Otis Yulpo has insinuated that his contact lense was either stolen by terrorists, or left on his dresser. If you have any information concerning the whereabouts of this man's contact lense (even though it is useless at this point) please post. As you may have guessed, it is a very slow news day...

On a letter writen (sp?) with cut out newspaper letters.

'we have your contact lens. Meet us at ocean park at 12:00 midnight.'

Rebepacitopian Intelligence Agency
Gremlin
Crimsoncow, Rebepacitopia

The air is thick, the silence broken by a beligerant door hinge. An assistant to the Democratically Elected President of Rebepacitopia walks in. "Sir, we have information pertaining to the stolen contact lense." X.N. Nitered (President) looks up from his typical plethora of paperwork "What the hell are you talking about?!?" The assistant is slightly taken aback:"-the lense that caused the comotion in crimsoncow earlier this evening."

"OHHH-"said an obviously sarcastic X.N. Nitered "the terrorist plot."
The assistant continued "Actually there is more validity to that then there would seem. You see, the old man-Otis Yulpo-isn't even a Rebepacitopian citizen."

"What is your point?"

"He was carrying Rebepacitopian Identification...earlier this evening."

"So is he a terrorist?"

"Hardly sir, he is a spy. We attempted to apprehend him twenty minutes ago...he killed five security guards at a bus stop and vanished. We believe that the contact lense was a distraction. During the alleged "lost contact lense fit" a Rebepacitopian nuclear plant was accosted. ICBM assembly information was stolen..."

X.N. Nitered adopted an alarmed disposition: "This definitely adds more dimension to the story-" X.N. Nitered reaches for an immaculate telephone.
The silence is disrupted.."Yes, I would like to speak to military high command."

However, another courrier enters the office...

"I apologize sir, but we have a responsible nation-Borman Empire."

Secret IC: A speech by emperor Bhalk

”Today we were accused by Rebepacitopia of sending spies into their nation. This claim is ridiculous, absurd, and has no factual evidence. But what do we do? We war. And what would we do if someone put a spy in our nation? We war! What will they do? They will no doubt war! What must we then do? Get ready for war!”

Official Imperial Communiqué

To: Rebepacitopia
From: Chancellor Licinius

http://www.rajuabju.com/literature/images/the_mi1.jpg

End Transmission