NationStates Jolt Archive

The Dominion of Incantare Beliarh has set off all it's nukes, completely obliterating itself. Kalak did this because he was bored.

OOC: Okay. *edges away from Incantare Beliarh*

"Interesting, weird but interesting"

Lord Azazel.

...

...I call dibs on his land!

Dontgonearthere has annexed his CD player.
Anybody attempting to play their music on it will be annexed as well.
Resistance is futile, YOU WILL GET FUNKY!
*discos the night away*

I want his entertainment center, and all his DVDs and videos!

But...I still get his land...

...

...and that Air Freshener over there! *Yoink*

"I claim the cutlery!" says Pergast, avidly ripping the copper wiring from the walls.

*Gasp!*

That's a lean, mean, grilling machine!

*Yoink*

Must... Have... Computer. *quickly grabs the computer and places it in his box of stuff stolen from dead nations*

I Take His Computer

*Takes Computer*

Royal DGNT Forces are currently battling the Shenyang infidels for control of the DVD/Entertainment centre, we hope to be at least halfway across the Television by tommrow.
Boht sides are currently taking heavy lossess due to static buildup and a thrown copy of 'The Matrix Special Edition' containing ten DVDs, the source of the thrown DVD set has yet to be determined.

I Take His Computer

*Takes Computer from shenyang*

Royal DGNT Forces are currently battling the Shenyang infidels for control of the DVD/Entertainment centre, we hope to be at least halfway across the Television by tommrow.
Boht sides are currently taking heavy lossess due to static buildup and a thrown copy of 'The Matrix Special Edition' containing ten DVDs, the source of the thrown DVD set has yet to be determined.

Ra was laughing in his private throne room.

"Yes...yes...fight over the TV! When your forces are weekest, I shall strike!"

"JAFFA!! Throw down the Lord of the Rings: Extra-Special Uber Edition - Now With 45 hours of previously unseen footage"

*Gasp!*

That's a lean, mean, grilling machine!

*Yoink*

http://www.the-reel-mccoy.com/movies/2001/images/CTHD4.jpg
"Stop!" yells Pergast, brandishing a wooden spoon, "That's mine!"

http://www.the-reel-mccoy.com/movies/2001/images/CTHD4.jpg
"Stop!" yells Pergast, brandishing a wooden spoon, "That's mine!"

*Epic battle

Goa'uld is helpless to resist as Pergast scampers away with the George Foreman Lean, Mean, Fat Reducing Machine, cackling maniacally.

OOC: Bed. Night.

Goa'uld is helpless to resist as Pergast scampers away with the George Foreman Lean, Mean, Fat Reducing Machine, cackling maniacally.

OOC: Bed. Night.

NOOOO!!! MY POWER-

OOOH! Hey! He has some Shrinkey-Dinks!

*Yoink*

Royal DGNT Forces are currently battling the Shenyang infidels for control of the DVD/Entertainment centre, we hope to be at least halfway across the Television by tommrow.
Boht sides are currently taking heavy lossess due to static buildup and a thrown copy of 'The Matrix Special Edition' containing ten DVDs, the source of the thrown DVD set has yet to be determined.
"Hold the line. We will not fall until we have seen every movie in this collection!!! keep your eyes down range, they'll never take this entertainment center form us!"

Orange state wishes to deploy 5 elite stealth dancers to creep up behind dontgonearthere's forces when they aren't looking and bust a load of saturday night fever style disco moves.

Mean while we are making a push for the contents of the fridge and any alcohol.

While everybody else was occupied in the Living Room DGNT forces have secured the Porno Stash in the Bedroom, as well as three early editions of Playboy in the Bathroom.
These are currently being analyzed by the govornment for any matters of national security.
Realzing they are beaten, DGNT forces on the Entertainment Center procede to demagnetize all the video tapes and scratch the DVDs as badly as possible.
"If we cant have the movie collection, nobody can!"
As a final blow the cable connection has been cut by retreating DGNT forces, they are retreating in good order, as their moral is high in hopes of viewing the Sacred Porno Stash.

While everybody else was occupied in the Living Room DGNT forces have secured the Porno Stash in the Bedroom, as well as three early editions of Playboy in the Bathroom.
These are currently being analyzed by the govornment for any matters of national security.
Realzing they are beaten, DGNT forces on the Entertainment Center procede to demagnetize all the video tapes and scratch the DVDs as badly as possible.
"If we cant have the movie collection, nobody can!"
As a final blow the cable connection has been cut by retreating DGNT forces, they are retreating in good order, as their moral is high in hopes of viewing the Sacred Porno Stash.
Upon seeing this attrocity beginning Shenyang forces prepare to launch an all out assault using copies of Homeward Bound: An Incredible Journey Because of its amazing seeking qualities. However Shenyang High Command would like to strike a deal with DGNT. You may have the VHS collection, VCR, and TV, if we are allowed to keep the DVDs and player and the sound system. If you don't reply within 3 hours my forces will be forced to open fire and annihillate your forces with copies of Homeward Bound and the entire Land Before Time series.

DGNT forces respond by setting up a shield consisting the Rocky series and the entire third season of Star Trek.
Totaly impenetrable.

Having fully demagnetized the casset tapes DGNT forces grab as many DVDs as possible and procede to sandpaper the rest.
As propeganda DGNT forces have turned the sound up on the bedroom television and started cycling through the porno collection, as well as discussiing the 'articles' in the Playboys very loudly.

You could have accepted our offer, but now your men will be destroyed.
Don't say we didn't warn you. My forces launch the copies of Homeward Bound, they fly up and over the DGNT Barricade and pummel his soldiers into submission. They then launch the Land Before Time sreies and completely eradicate the Rocky Barricade with there cute-little-dinosaurness. A transport helicopter arrives and behind a screen of matrix dvds load the entertainment center onto the helo and escape back to Shenyang.

DGNT forces, not being there at the time, were totaly unaffected by the attack.
However they DO detonate the bacon-oil incindiary device obtained in the kitchen and planted in the TV.

Meanwhile, Ra's Elite Guard ran through the garage. Stealing his sexy Italian sportscar, three buckets of pain, one bucket of pain thinner, and half a toolset.

After cashing in the toolset and the paint/paint thinner, the Guards took the money and went to Dennys.

My men dump the tv, we can get a new one and use the fire extinguishers on the helo to put out the grease fire.

"While the idiots are battling over their technology, we must seize the lampshades!"

"SIR YES SIR!"

The V22 Ospreys came down silently through the chimney, and while no-one was looking, they stole all the lampshades ... >_> <_<

Nooooooo!!!
DGNT forces rapidly move to intercept the Hogsweatian forces.

Haha! You are leaving the sink and blender to Yafor 2! We will make good use of them *runs off*

Orange state reports only 3 men were lost opening the beer bottles and we are now headed for the larder to take all the starchy snack foods. We are also going to the master bedroom in a sweeping attack to watch the game.

HEY! THIS GUY HAS A XBOX! And a bunch of cool video games for it.

:YOINK!:

Outside, on the Lawn 0900 hours

Serbian troops dig up a bush and make off with it into the night.

You fool Shenyang, all of IB's fire extinguishers are full of napalm! (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=376366)

Slaytanicca is currently attempting to take a window. We estimate complete removal of the window from its frame by Monday.

The Party has decreed that the Federation will use its full military abilities to claim the bed in the name of FCD. We will not let any other nations stand in our way in this honourable quest.

FCD Ministry of Looting

OOC: This thread needs to be made a sticky.

Breaking News

The true nature of Slaytanicca's supposed attempt to remove a window as a divertion was revealed today, as forces made a massive push for the cofee-table books and backissues of "Woman's Own". Casualties conservatively estimated at fouteen hundred. Slaytanicca denies the use of biological weapons, and refuses to take responibility for the bombings with manky kebab meat found under the bin.

Seemliny over night a bunch of zackaroth's troops comes in the land. they search around and grab Family's guys Seanos box sets and look for anything worth of value.

"Today... Red Tide Soldiers succesfully airlifted out a host of computer games, a XBOX, and a host of games for the XBOX. They are now advancing towards the gamecube supported by Pliers and other work tools."

THe zackaroths black ops team grab the gamecubes with there uber invisble noobish skills and run off giggling like little school girls getting penatrated by the school bully.

The troops have decided to set up a main base of operations in the master bedroom, securing a perimeter outwards. Any attempt to trespass in the area will be met with force. The 34th armour divison is also preparing to enter the garden, with the main objective of securing the apple tree.

Slaytanicca has alleged the kebab meat originated from the FCD-controlled master bedroom. Thirty Scuds containing said kebab meat have been launched in retaliation. Further attacks are threatened.

Jipleastani troops head for the workshop and procede to take all the shiny chisles, and hammers.

While that is happening 5 armored divisons burst in through the front door with copies of every Barney movie, and TV show ever made. They then procede to launch them indescrimitaly at anyone who they see.

In response to these attacks, sappers have been fortifying the master bedroom with makeshift barricades made from closets, as well as a moat containing the entire contents of several mysterious bottles found in a nightstand,which were deemed "yucky" by top scientists. We are also preparing a secret new weapon based around the use of goose feathers from the pillows to use against the Slaytaniccan traitors.

Our ABM systems have reported 90% effectivity on these thrown Barney recordings. We admit to mistakenly targetting an Urban Gothic DVD - mobile forces have been sent to retrieve the wreckage.

Secret IC:
Infiltrators have entered the kitchen to scout for potential weapons against FCD.

Slaytanicca has alleged the kebab meat originated from the FCD-controlled master bedroom. Thirty Scuds containing said kebab meat have been launched in retaliation. Further attacks are threatened.
I beleive DGNT forces hold the master bedroom. If you would like an alliance you just have to say so :P

Elements of the 34th armour divison has begun employing apples gathered in the garden as artillery pieces, bombing parts of the house believed to be occupied by Slaytaniccan or DGNT forces.

To: Shenyang
From: Jipleastan
Please join us in an all out assault on the master bedroom in order
to dislodge the tyrant who is ruling there.

With that code the Jipleastani armor calls for reinforcements...
That comes int he form of DVDs, VHS's, and Cassesets of The chipmunks, Bambi, The Lion King, along with more Barney, Charlie brown too. Donald Trump comes too and says "Your Fired".

HEY!! TINFOIL!!! *Takes tinfoil along with all the mailboxs and doorknobs*

*comes back for shoelaces, rubberbands, and matches*

Red Tide forces have secured most of the basement and have taken the heater and air conditioner from the house. Ferrying it out to a make-shift airstrip via basement window.

Secret IC
To: DGNT
From: Slaytaniccan Command
We humbly request an alliance to further aid our mutual goal of ousting the FCD dogs from the master bedroom.

IC:
The scouts have returned with a half-bottle of bleach and several tins of beans, with which Slaytaniccan technitians are devising a chemical weapon of awesome destructive power. Armoured divisions have been decimated by the apple assault and Barney-bombing incidents. Several soldiers are said to be 'poorly' - it is apparent our kebab-warfare has backfired somewhat, and those afflicted have been shot and burned to prevent a large-scale outbreak.

Secret IC:
To:Slaytanicca
Jipleastan would like to join in an alliance with you to oust FCD from the Bedroom.

The commander looked at his troops, who were covering behind the inner wall, constructed by pieces stripped from the king-size bed.

"Ready! Fire!"

Suddenly, his troops rose above the wall and fired several volleys of flaming goose-feather missiles in all directions. They then ducked behind cover again as several cassettes impacted in the floor close to them. The commander watched the flying feathers fanning out throughout the room from his HQ-bunker behind the matress. He knew that unless the got reinforcements soon, his men would be badly pinned down by the sheer numbers of the attackers.

From the garden, the bombardments continued.

Secret IC:
To: Jipleastan
From: Slaytanicca
We are honoured and proudly accept your offer of alliance. We shall begin artillery bombardment of FCD shortly.

Slaytaniccan forces secretly stash the magazines and books under the floorboards, and attempt to burn the coffee table. They plan to claim a direct hit by FCD apple.

Jipleastani forces, not waiting for any responses, prepeared to fire upon the FCD forces. They prepared The Chisel Missles, and the Hammer Guns along with a battery of High-Powered Nail/Stapleguns.

The Commander gave the order, "FIRE" with that a massive bombardment began, with the intent to break the defenses of FCD forces.

(sorry FCD.. I last refreshed after you posted that mate. I didn't godmode there :))

The flaming feather assault took the Slaytaniccans totally by surprise. The table, already covered in cooking oil, ignited instantly, and several magazines which had not yet been stashed were lamentably lost. Slaytaniccan command ordered an immediate withdrawal to the back yard by all forces.

The inner wall shook as projectiles kept hitting it. Morale was running low among the surrounded and pinned down troops. The commander promptly decided in initate plan B: Propaganda warfare.

On his orders, troops began throwing propaganda leaflets, in the form of pages from a pr0n magazine found under a pillow with "Join the FCD forces" scribbled on them with a blue crayon, at the enemy.

On the outside, ammuniton was running low, so part of the staff were ordered to use parts from the fence to make a ladder, to be able to reinforce their comrades positions in the bedroom.

There was a quick cheer from the troops in the bedroom as the Slaytaniccans broke, but the situation was still dire.

In the garden, at full 50% of the troops were busy building a ladder, and thusly quite unprepared for any assaults.

At this point the DGNT space fleet arrives and begins bombarding the garden with pure energy.
Several casualties resulted from the goosefeather missiles, and one of the magazines was damaged slightly.
IN retaliation DGNT launches a flaming pillow out the window.

The troops in the garden heavy casaulties, though mostly from the flaming pillow. In a very disorderly fashion, den jumped into their tanks and drove them straight through the wall on the bottom floor, entering a largely plundered living room.

The Slaytaniccans have completed constuction of the superheated-beans warhead, and are preparing to 'set FCD up the bomb'. Meanwhile, kebab-infected soldiers have stopped getting shot, and are being led delerious to FCD forces under the guise of deserters.

As the men came the inner wall, the soldiers behind it were relieved. Their propaganda had worked out! But, as they came closer, something didn't seem quite right.

"Look at that guy...", one of the soldiers said.

"Yeah... He looks pretty yucky...", someone answered.

The infected men had now reached the wall, and the troops allowed them to climb over it, until one of the men collapsed on the floor among the troops, showing his disgusting kebab-infected appearance.

"Oh my god! Disgusting yucky infected kebab- men!"

"Kill them!"

The troops began bashing them with assorted blunt and/or pointy objects, but a few the infected men had already gotten among the soldiers. The struggle was still brief, but left the troopers worried, as if they could feel the disgusting kebob-rashes growing all over them.

In the living room downstairs the tanks ran into trouble as an old but quite ugly persian rug got entangled in its tracks. The crew bailed out, and decided to rush up the stairs to aid their friends in the bedroom.

The Jipleastani troops saw the papers coming toward them and said "woo-wie! dem pics be nice 'n purdy!"

The Artilery ;et up a little, because everyone was looking at the pictures.

We Are proud to announce that Tonissia Has Secured the Laundry room, and is as of this moment air lifting all Washing Machine's,Dryers,Deturgent,and Clothes Hampers :mp5:

Amidst the chaos and confusion surrounding the theft of cds, dvds, porn and other household items.. a team of crack Henrytopian commandos infiltrates the spare bedroom and secures a blue ipod and a half eaten bag of twizzlers. muahahaha! Mine at last!

(man that was too easy..)

Any one who attempts to come in the laundry room will feel the wrath of the Deturgent Gas bombs :gundge:

The citizens of Henrytopia cheer as their newly acquired ipod is taken to the national museum for display..

"Commander, we seem to have forgotten to grab the recharger cord when we liberated the ipod."

"Do I HAVE to remind you everytime I send your team out on missions to pick up the accessories Lieutenant Stone? Last week you forgot to bring back the lid to the Margarita blender from that other raid.. lets not forget that daring mission where you all left the blades to the cheese slicer behind? Do you know how useful a bladeless cheese slicer is? Do you?!? Lets not let this happen again!"

"It will not happen again sir!"

"How about the Twizzlers, where are they? I have been craving them since hearing the news."

"Well, umm, Commander, about the Twizzlers.. you see, I gave them to Hernandez and he seems to have forgotten where he saw them last."

"Nevermind Lieutenant, nevermind."

Seemling out of nowwhere ZAckaroths troops charge at the house firing with there uber M=16s that shoot green apples and oranges with amazing god moding like accuracey.

OOC: You realize you are all taking heavy losses over radioactive material.

IC: TehInterwebGame military is waiting for all the troops to die of radiation poisoning so they can secure the stuff.

The Slaytaniccans unveiled their horrific new weapon: the Bad Boy Beans Bomb (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v600/slaytanist/beans.jpg). With godlike resistance to the heavy fire it was under the launcher, um, launched (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v600/slaytanist/beans2.jpg) it at the FCD forces remaining in the bedroom.

OOC: Apologies to Communist Louisiana for the pics :D
EDiT> that '666' under my name means I got the pent, right? :D

Watching via closed satellite feed, the Commander of the Henrytopian Death Commandos shaking his head in frustration looks over to his First Lieutenant..

"I bet you THEIR Commander does not have to remind them the importance of making sure they grab the accessories when THEY go on missions."

"No Sir, absolutely not."

The zackaroths forces appear to have uber radition suits and continue there barges of green apples and oranges on the house.

"Sir! The Slaytaniccans have set up us the bomb!", a young soldier shouted from the wall.

"What you say!?", the commander asked angrily, from his bunker.

"All your ba...", the soldier begun, but was cut short by an terrible explosion, which rendered the entire bedroom covered in quite distasteful beans. The wall crumbled from the blast, and many of the soldiers were trapped under the debris. Most of the troopers were blown away or killed as the beans hit them with immense power. There was a short silence.

Then the commander emerged from his bunker, and with a fierce warcry he ran towards the Slaytaniccans, accompanied by a handful of bean-covered soldiers who had been lucky to survive the initial blast.

At the same time, the tank crew had reaced the second floor, and spotted the Slaytaniccans stationed outside the bedroom. The began moving towards them, while bombarding them with easter eggs filled with mud, of which there were a great supply.

THe zackaroths forces set up a small base camp by front door. They start flanking the backyard with tofu and and veggie burgers.

Despite the commander's order to grab the quad before the bean warhead struck, most of the soldiers squandered the pent by racking up frags for themselves. Thus the damage caused by the superheated coaxial-detonated beans-and bleach was not quite as cataclysmic as the Slaytaniccans had hoped. The men also had another problem - as the pent burned out it appeared the beanjuice had eaten into the gasmasks, and many soldiers fell, casualties of their own beans, their faces peeling and their throats melted by the awesome toxicity.

Undetered the general ordered a huge full-on assault of the master bedroom. Artillery outside began a creeping barrage through the window, beginning at the door. Meanwhile the beangas had come down in a huge firey cloud, racing out of the door and down the stairs.

As the images of carnage spilled across their satellite feed..

"My God, the inhumanity of it all." whispered ther Commander of the Henrytopian Death Commandos under his breath. "They are using beans, baked beans at that. Such wanton death and destruction over what?"

"What is that Sir?' His first Lieutenant asked.

"Nothing, just get me some M&M's Lieutenant, this is going to be a long and bloody night. Have your men ready in case we need to redeploy."

"As you say Sir. Is there anything else Sir?"

"No." he muttered.. "Leave me now."

Casualties of the Firey Bean Cloud: 10,000+, 100MBTs, 200 planes, 1000 assorted support vehicles
Casualties of the Lingering Bean Gas: 1000 and rising
Casualties of the Mud-Slinging Egg Wielders: Estimated Average of 159 and one tank per egg thrown

Now that the Commanders have gotton rid of all the propoganda pics the troops resume full bombardment of FCD positions.

The Scientists have come up with a new weapon from the Workshop, The Blade-Launcher, (original eh?) And the Belt-Sander-Catapult. The two devices were set up, and the Blade Launcher went to work shreading FCD posisions with 12" diameter saw blades. The Catapult was lanuching everything possible from screwdrivers to hammers and from pry-bars to a dead mouse they found near the door.

The commander rushed forward, although feeling the gas burning away his skin and seeing his soldiers falling to the left and right of him, hit by the Jiplestanian fire. With his eyes filled with blood, he and the few remaining of his men threw themself at the Slaytaniccans, in a veritable berserkergang, trying to cause damage in any way possible, be it heads, hands, feet, nails, noses, hairgrowth or flaps of loosely hanging skin.

As the bomb exploded, the troops from the armoured divison were thrown back several thousand meters, but remarkably most remained relatively unharmed. Their sergeant ordered them to fall back to the tanks and collect their gasmasks. They began to return down the stairs, still throwing their deliciously muddy projectiles.

The Slaytaniccans were completely unprepared for the sheer ferocity of the bean-drenched FCDian counterassault. Half of them broke and ran, the rest fought on with mad zeal brought on by terror. Hundred, nay, thousands died, and eventually they were forced to fall back. They tried to hold a line by the top of the stairs, the ground scorched by the deathly bean assault, hundreds still falling to the Easter Egg bombardment. The artillery continued to pound the FCD line.

Several men, victims to both the experimental beans weapon and acute kebab infection, were eating one of the easter eggs. The delicious choclate was sprayed with pus from their open sores and squirting lesions...

Meanwhile, the routed half of the army had fled to the bathroom, where officers were attempting to regroup them. Several were flinging themselves out of the window in attemps to escape the sheer madness.

The commander was standing on top of a small mountain of thousands of bean-drenched corpses, men both from the Federation as well as Slaytanicca. The artilley fire exploded everywhere around him, but he was to busy gnawing through the skull of a young Slaytaniccan in pure madness to notice. The deadly bean-juices where still burning away his skin, and he suddenly realized that his throat was no longer particularily airtight. Wheezing, he slumpled to the floor in convulsions, letting go of the young man. He flailed uselessly, but the beans had already done to much damage. Still wheezing, his entire body melted away, and he became on with all the death that surrounded him.

Meanwhile, the other divison was gearing up.

"Damage report!", the sergeant requested.

"Around 34 348 presumed dead so far, but the 6th legion is en route with a few thousand troops any minute now. We are running short of easter eggs, though.", one of the men reported.

"Very well. Prepare for battle. We have come to far to surrender now."

The troops cheered, without sounding all that convinced.

Terror came to the Slaytaniccan line with the sounds of the cheer. Several men looked back to see the bean gas which had raced down the stairs still clung to the groung in a dense reddish mist, eating into the floor.

They were trapped, then.

And lo, to their horror the thunder of the arillery bursts in the bedroom had stopped. Had they not lost communication (something to do with the beans, maybe) they'd have known the artillery were now turned on the apple-throwers in the garden, who were seemingly planning a massed assault.

Meanwhile, a few regrouped divisions in the bathroom were searching for another weapon of awesome power to use against the crazed FCD forces..

Wow, no one took the carpets. Stained, but they'll sell. Take 'em. *Follows his men upstairs in search of further carpety delights*

Edit - Heavy casualties due to bean gas. Worth it for carpets.

"For the Fatherland!", the sergeant called, and a seemingly never-ending mass of soldiers started pouring up the stairs, clutching the lat few remaining eggs, limbs torn from fallen foes, razor-sharp canlids and other assorted goodies of pure pain. Whipping each other into a battle frenzy, the gasmask-clad hordes charged the Slaytaniccan lines.

Reports reach the fimbles general of coinage, found in used clothes. There must be a washing machine, find it.

Search parties are sent.

How, may I ask, did all this crap you lot are looting escape the numerous nuclear explosions? Hm? HHMMMMM????

Ah well, I'll not ask too many questions...

*Praetonia orders the Imperial Guard to drive a tank through the house, whilst watching from across the street*

Needless destruction! HEHE!!

As he witnessed what seemed to be a final assault for control of the bedroom..

"Lieutenant!!" the Commander screamed out loud

"Yes Sir!"

"What do you see in this picture?"

"A bunch of bloody and battered solidiers covered in beans and eggs?" the Lieutenant replied

"No you incompetent fool, what is that man brandishing in his hands?!?" the Commander yelled.."the seargant climbing the stairs!!

" A cord sir?"

"Yes you fool, a cord.. to our ipod!!" said the Commander incredulously

The Slaytaniccans mowed down the FCD forces in swaths with heavy machineguns, but the sheer weight of men eventually reached the line, which immediately routed in terror. In the confusion, hundreds topped over the first step, brutally mangled by the fall, a few tumbling down to the dreaded beangas below.

Outside, artillery began the bombardment of their apple-loving foes, and a column of armour drove full pelt to engage them. Transports were sent to rescue the men in the bathroom, and scour it for anything of use..

OOC: Bit of a godmode in the first line there mate, my apologies.

The IPO-145 Hoplite MBT rumbled inexporably towards the house. The commander could see several shapes in the smashed windows, and bullets were most certainly flying, "Rather them than me," he thought, and buttoned the turret hatch, "Driver! Full speed ahead!"

"Full speed ahead, sir! Yes, sir!"

The tank suddenly let out a massive growl, and began to increase rapidly in speed, hurtling towards the visibily bending walls of the house, which was being ravaged from the inside. The tank gave one last spurt of energy, and smashed headlong into the wall...

In the midst random attacks a Phalanix comando team lands near the basement window and procides to blow it open. Fallowing them the entire army begins to raid the weed stash in the basement while shooting at any enemys with copys of random horible B movies. Fallowing that they began to airlift weed plants as fast as posible

The troops swarmed all around the upper floor, cutting down the Slaytaniccans where they could, and claiming thier weapons for their own use.

"After them! Don't let them get away!", the sergeant called, and the troops split up to pursue the routing enemies.

In the garden, the apple battalions withdrew, unable to cope with the heavy enemy fire. They insted moved themselves into the living room, leaving a few thousands of their own dead behind.

Yes, I love threads like this!

A bottle of Domestos and some Flash has been found in the bathroom. The units outside, supported by the ST-21s, make a break for the back door..

Secret IC to Fimbles:
From: Slaytanicca
We will help you take the kitchen with great pleasure if only you could secure some more beans for us. We can also offer you a stash of coffee-table books, and backissues of Women's Own.

Carnage had ensued on the top of the stairs. Limbs were flying as the FCD forces hacked and gouged. Many flung themselves to their deaths rather than face the army of savages.

The troops could feel the Slaytaniccan resistance give away, millimeter by millimeter, and the FCD forces redoubled their efforts, pushing upwards with as much force as possible.

"For the Party!", the sergeant roared as he whipped an enemy in the eye with a cord he had found a while earlier. "Forward!"

The Hoplite MBT began to smash through the West Wall, sending bricks and bits of flooring everywhere. Several thousand soldiers also fell through the tiny gap...

The top of the stairs resembled the chaos of a Dark Ages battlefield, men clubbing each other with guns and found pieces of shrapnel. The Slaytaniccans now had nowhere to run and were fighting with equal ferocity as the FCD warriors. They were quite literally on 'the brink of destruction', and the swirling cloud of superhot bean gas below testified to the fact.

The divisions attempting to take the kitchen knew of this horror from the soldiers evacuated from the bathroom. Troops piled into transports to attempt a sortie, and the tanks and artillery withdrew from the kitchen to soften up defense in the bedroom once more..

OOC: Grr. We will find more beans, damnit ;)

The carnage was quite inhuman, as people and parts of people cluttered up the floor in a knee-deep mass, which made movement all that much more difficult. The sergeant rushed, or rather waded quickly, in front of his troops, swinging the cable above his head. They had the Slaytaniccans cornered now, and they knew it. He couldn't help but to smile.

Behind him, somebody asked: "Why can't we all just be friends?"

... Just as the floor collapsed beneath him and he fell through onto the tank which continued to plow through the corpses.

The Slaytaniccan commander spotted the sergeant trhough the blood-soaked, dying masses. "It's.. you!" The man had seemingly gained the strength of a Derrick, and was racking up Monster Kills with every swing of his extention ocrd, with probably quite a few friendly-fire casualties to boot. Still, the young general smiled. He had learned quite a few Sephrioth Secrets in the war with the infidels...

Meanwhile IL-76s, supported by MiG-29s which were indiscriminately clearing a path with 20mm fire and FABs, were disembarking their troops. The soldiers attempted to make a path through the carnage with streetsweepers and retrieved apples, allowing Slaytaniccan soldiers to escape..

The pitiful attempt at a sortie was ruined by the gulf in the floor which suddenly opened up. Troops fled immediately back to their planes. Their friends were all but dead, and their only hope now was to get to the kitchen and some more canned foodstuffs..

The men fighting the FCD forces screamed in despair as their only hope for survival seemingly deserted them. Surrender was not an option to these grim remnants of men.

"Yes... It is... uh... me! Come now, let us end this."

With those words, the sergeant made his way towards the Slaytaniccan general, pleased to finally be able to end this madness once and for all. He wasn't really sure who this man was, and all the blood in his face clouded his vision, but he sure had a good feeling about this.

The general grabbed a sliver of beancan from a fallen FCD trooper. When the man groaned and didn't release his grasp, he stamped hard on his throat, little heeding the spray of boiled flesh which spattered up his pantsleg. With a bloodcurdling scream, he raised the shard and ran maniacally at the sergeant, his face a mask of insanity...

The extention cord struck him full-on in the face, shooting him over the stairs into the swirling doom below. His jaw followed a completely different trajectory, bouncing off the wall seemingly miles above the carnage and leaving a rather ominous splatter of viscera on the tasteful wallpaper, but suffice to say it landed in the beangas too.

The assault had been a disaster of totally epic proportions.


In other theatres of operations, the troops evacuated from the bathroom had sent covert teams to both secure more beans, a tin of canned fruit or two, and to urinate in Incantare Beliarh's letterbox.

The Commander of the Henrytopian Death Commandos would like to know if the Slaytaniccan Commander is still in need of beans? Although we are too small a force to participate in these actions, we have our commandos ready to provide emergency bean supplies for your troops to further your cause. All we ask in return is one small request in repayment for this favor...

The sergeant watched as the general fell to his death, pleased with his display of skill with the cord. The troops seemed to calm down, as recistance died out on the floor.

"All right men!", he shouted. "Take everything that isn't nailed down, and let us get out of here. Our work here is done!"

The soldiers cheered even more.

Secret IC to Henrytopia: We have in fact secured a quantity of tinned fruit, but our search for beans has been somewhat fruitless. What must we offer you?

Slaytaniccan forces proudly announce success in pissing in the letterbox! We have also secured a quantity of paper for another beans rocket (we admit to a funnel shortage), and the rest of the paper is being made into urine-soaked darts and thrown through the window of the master bedroom.

Secret IC to Slaytanicca: Our men are ready to resupply your forces with the necessary beans in return for... leather high-back office chairs. As a good will gesture, we will dispatch two sqauds to assist in the recovery of any chairs that you see fit to reward us with. We will also provide logistical support to distribute the beans to your forces. I await your reply eagerly.

Commander Markus Aston

The horde of FCD troopers now pushed back, down the stairs, grabbing what they could on the way. Floorboards, bits and pieces of fallen enemies, pictures, plants, pottery, magazines, anything that wasn't nailed down or below the deep mass of bodies and gore was promptly picked up. The sergeant even claimed a piece of the now destroyed bed as a trophy.

A sickening amount of helicopters were waiting a fair distance away, and the troops sure wanted to get out of there before the Slaytaniccans got a hold of another bomb.

Secret IC to Henrytopia: Sirs, we feared you would ask for the Woman's Own magazines. This is truly great news. With two or even three bean warheads we see taking the bedroom as an inevitability, and scouts proclaim the existance of at least three leather-backed office chairs in the building.

Supersecret: we have experimented with a small quantity of beans and believe the mixture may be augmented further with addition of curry powder. We have enough bleach for all the warheads we need.

Many thanks,
Assumed Slaytaniccan Command

Secret IC to Slaytanicca: We have a reached an agreement, our forces are enroute with more than enough beans to further assist your cause. Please feel free to convey to our envoy any additional requests for beans and we will dispatch them immediately.

To Victory!
Commander Markus Aston

"Lieutenant, make ready with the beans and dispatch the supplies immediately to the Commander of the Slaytaniccan forces."

'As you command Sir!"

Within minutes, a reinforced batallion of Henrytopian Death Commandos departed with the resupply convoy of beans headed for was left of Incantare Beliarh in an effort to bring needed supplies to the Slaytaniccan forces.

"Our offices will hopefully have comfortable chairs once again.." the Commander said as he watched his men depart the depot under a bright afternoon sun. "I can throw away the hemorrohid cushion once and for all.

Henrytopia,
Excellent. Our techs are working on the foundations for three more warheads right now. Once the beans are fired we will proceed to take the bedroom, and make surgical assaults for the chairs.

Our scouts have reported the attempted withdrawal of FCD forces. We plan to hamper them with a secret fruit-based weapon in order to, um, give us a tactical advantage of some description.

The troops kept moving quickly towards the nearest exit, slightly hampered by the amount of loot they were carrying. The only resistance met were a few lone enemies here and there, who didn't really pose a threat to their horde. The exit was soon in their sights, and they were eager to get out of this madhouse after a hard day of fighting under extreme conditions.

Slaytaniccan Commander,
Please accept the offer of my military advisers as necessary. Our crack commando team was able to liberate a blue ipod and a half eaten bag of Twizzlers during an earlier raid, prior to the fracas that has ensued leading to this battle. The cord your brave Commander was brandishing earlier happens to be the same cord my First Lieutenant of the Death Commandos forget to pick up during the raid. Fortunately for our forces, he is not participating in this action as he is peeling potatoes in the mess hall at the moment. The acting First Lieutenant is quite capable, he was in command of our famed Second Batallion, known as the Mighty Chicken Chuckers.

Regards,
Commander Markus Aston

Slaytaniccans like superheating things nearly as much as they like chemicals. They had somehow rigged a tin of fruit to an artillery unit as a drum-feed, and were belting off fruity chunks at the front door to hold the FCD forces back. Lols, the chunks were filled with thermite. Their little membranes held the pressured fruitjuice inside until impact, when plumes of superhot sugary steam and flame shot from their sides.

The barrage left the front door all but impassable. Only a madman would attempt to cross it. Whether the sergeant led his men through the killing field was, however, a different matter..

The sergeant halted his man at the sight of the killing field in front of the door. Looking around, he scanned the area for potential exits. He was pleased to remember that there were several holes in the living room wall, caused by several tanks running back and forth through the building.

"To the living room, men! Move it!"

The troops began to move towards the living room instead, the sergeant now running behind them, assuring that they'd get out of there in one piece.

Henrytopia,
Your offer is gladly accepted. As you are probably aware our own commander lies a broken goop-covered skeleton with no jaw. Our retreating aircraft saw him and give positive ID. With a good tactician in our ranks we have sure success of retreiving your chairs.
Many thanks.

For Immediate Release:
We regret the loss of your brave commander as well as the loss of so many brave bean hurlers. Such wanton destruction is never welcome, but a necessary evil of war. It is time to regroup and reclaim our fallen heroes and look to the future. Please contact us in the event your forces are ever in the need for beans during any military action. We would also like to offer a bronze statue to commemorate this glorious battle.. once the mess is cleaned up. I eagerly await the return of our men with our office chairs.

Commander Markus Aston

It appears the master bedroom is all but abandoned. Massive redeployment is taking place, with the hope to claim leather office chairs for our gracious ally. Armour will remain on the ground, to guard the.. machines we are making, and the artillery still pounding at the front door with scalding hot fruity chunks.

The troops had now entered the living room, the gap in the wall letting a merciful light shine upon the battlefield which the room had turned into. The hole, the exit, looked incredebly tempting, and the soldiers surged forward with renewed strength, almost home safe.

Henrytopia,
We happily anounce the securing of one leather chair. Airlift in progress.

Excellent. We have fresh shock troops as reinforcements ready if necessary in the event there is a flanking manuver made by the opposition. I am confident what we have been witnessing via satellite feed is the retreat of opposing forces amid a sea of beans and fruit products and a victory for Slaytanicca. Congratulations are in order.

Spotters report the sergeant has found a second way out - the exit forged by Praetonian forces. We are preparing to smite him with chemical nastiness..

The second such bomb (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v600/slaytanist/beans.jpg), launched (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v600/slaytanist/beans2.jpg) at the outside opening of the hole..

Cruel fate struck the Slaytaniccan forces, as the unstable bean-bleach-chilli mix caused a premature detonation of the third device due to the shock of the launch. A cloud fifteen times more dangerous than VX engulfed Slaytaniccan armour, killing crews instantly inside their vehicles. The fruit cocktail cannons were smashed to pieces, the tanks scattered and upturned. Bubbling flesh seeped from airvents and weapon barrels.

Meanwhile the second rocket had landed outside the building, creating a killer cloud and rendering the hole impassable. Luckily, the FCD forces now had two alternate exits.. if, of course, they knew this.

Watching the live satellite feed over the large video screen in the command room, Commander Aston saw the Slaytaniccan forces preparing for yet another assault on the retreating FCD troops as they tried to escape via large holes in the living room wall..

"Oh no, they are readying the citrus fruits!!" the Comander said to his aide.. "Their attacks are relentless, they fight like they are possessed. All that bean gas must be affecting their troops, they are like beserkers!"

"Sir, it appears they have readied a variety of citrus fruits at that. My analysts tell me they have grapefruits, sour oranges, limes and an assortment of lethal lemons in their arsenal."

"Those poor men, they have no idea the carnage that awaits them.." Aston said under his breath.

EDIT:
"Oh no!" Aston gasped in horror, watching the catastrophe unfold. "What a horrible mess that made!"

The sergeant and his men had reached the hole, but the debris in and around it made it quite a bottleneck for the thousands of troopers being evacuated. Two or three at a time, the soldiers made their way out, running towards freedom with their loot. The sergeant was standing in the rear of the troops, helping them exit. He was filled with elation over the fact that his troops where sucessfully getting out of their with the objective loot, but still worried knowing that if the Slaytaniccans got to them now, the effects would be disastrous.

Then, as his boys were getting out of there, BOOM. Another blast, just as horrible as the first one, right there among his troopers. He threw himself to the ground, to avoid being splattered by beans and body parts. Before the smoke and beangasses had even begun to clear, he looked at his men. They were all equipped with gasmasks, and could probably survive a short exposure to the beans. He made his decision.

"For the Party!", he shouted, gesturing to his men to pick up what they could carry and make a break for it, straight through the wicked beangas. And they ran. Blindly, and with the gas all around them, they ran as fast as they could with all the stuff they could carry, out towards safety, or certain death.

"Run, save yourselves and end this horror now!" Aston yelled as he slammed his fists into a plate of red beans and rice that he was eating while watching the drama unfold. "Your forces cannot take much more of this!"

Then he saw the citrus fruits being readied by the Slaytaniccans...

"Oh sh...

Suddenly, three TehInterwebGame cruisers fly in and pick up the baking soda and bleach.

"H4H4H4," says the commander on the cruiser, "all your base[s] belong to us" and dumps the bases on the citrus fruits, disabling their citric acid weapons capabilities.

Indeed, two artillery pieces had escaped the explosion, in the ley of shielding fruit tins. Their vehicles were splattered with lemon pieces, and the bean chemicals were filtered through the fruit, the now 'lemon fresh' air entering their lungs.

And they had a secret.

Their fruit drums were filled with fruity chunks infected with the kebab-pus covered chocolate egg. While spores would be killed by the superheat some would be disseminated by the blast before they were. They lined up their weapons. If the soldiers survived the battlefield they sure as hell wouldn't survive the night..

The lemon slices had their mystical freshening properties neutralised by the baking soda just as a carbonate neutralises an acid, and the men inside quickly succumbed to death from a smell. However, the guns had their targets, they had their orders, and by The Gods they weren't stopping..

Secret IC to Slaytanicca: In lieu of recent events, our nation is offering assistance in the form of air cover by providing missile batteries to the Slaytaniccan forces. Our missiles are the product of years of development and have exceptional success percentages. We will also provide crew for said missile batteries in appreciation of the delivery of one leather chair.

As they exited the cloud of gas, the sergeant experienced a strange sense of exhilaration upon noticing that he as well as most of his troops were, in fact, alive, even though many had succumbed to the gas. And they ran. Dashing towards the helicopters, with as much loot as humanly possible. Success! After all this time, they had accomplished their mission at last, and live to tell the story.

Then, he felt exploding behind him, and he was thrown forward, dropping both the cable and his piece of the bed. A fruity artillery piece had exploded a few meters behind him. This was bad. He felt his strength draining through the wound, his life energy seeping away. He felt helpless.

A young soldier crouched in front of him, extending his hand.

“Come on Sarge, you must get out of here!”

“No… It’s to late for me… Safe yourself… Leave me behind…”, he moaned, gesturing to the trooper to move ahead.

“Sarge, no. Not… Not after all this.”

“I can’t go on…” He spat blood on the ground in front of him. “Here, take this… So cold…” He gave the young man the piece of wood from the bed.

“Sarge, I…”

“Go… It looks… It looks as if I won’t be home… for Christmas.” He spat even more blood.

“We’ll never forget you, Sarge, we won’t…”

“Tell… Tell the Party I died in their name… Tell them…”

And he was silent. The you trooper picked up the bed-plank, and ran after his comrades, to the waiting helicopters. To safety.


Due to the fact that the running troops spread out, many were able to escape the barrage unharmed. The survivors quickly loaded the loot into the choppers, and they quickly extracted from the battlefield.

Mission Accomplished. Sort of.

Aftermath:

Total FCD Casualties - 42 368
Kilograms of loot acquired - 2394
Number of mud-filled easter eggs thrown: 4912

OOC:

Heh, this RP has been great fun, but I really need to got to sleep. This has been a thoroughly enjoyable experience. Thank you, and good night.

Oh, and Slaytanicca: I will get you the next time. ;)

Henrytopia:
Your missile batteries are gratefully recieved, and are at present being outfitted with Kebab-virus infected chocolate easter egg by biohazard divisions. Our loss of all our armour and artillery support was devastating, but we are confident we can have a second delivery of office chair by midnight.

As a token of our appreciation, we pledge two copies of Woman's Own once we retrieve our stash.

OOC: Thanks mate. Best RP evar ;)

As the Henrytopian Death Commandos walked among the battlefield, giving aide to Slaytaniccan troops as well as the injured FCD forces accidentally left behind.. one trooper happened to spot a cord in the morass of bodies, fruit, and beans. He contacted his squad leader with the news.

"Commander, news from the battlefield, our troops have secured the power cord to the blue ipod and are returning it to Henrytopia as we speak."

"Thank you private.. let me know of any word of the office chairs once we get news from the Slaytaniccan Commander. I will be retreating to my quarters to change my uniform, the red beans and rice made a terrible mess of my uniform." Aston walked off into the dimly lit hallway with his aide in tow.

OOC: Oh, the ignomy. A Slaytaniccan general killed by the power cord of Incantare Beliarh's blue iPod :)

Slaytanicca:
Thank you for the kind offer of the magazines and we anxiuosly await the arrival of the office chairs as our behinds are quite sore from sitting in the command bunker all afternoon.

OOC:
Quite interesting and enjoyable indeed. This being my first semi-involvement in any RP. If you ever need assistance with bean supplies, don't hesitate to shoot me a line, my troops will be more than glad to assist. :D

OOC: It seems like the Beliarhains have quite a mess to clean up now. The waste disposal and construction industries will be experiencing a bit of an economic windfall soon. Perhaps this was all part of a clever ruse to bolster the economy? :confused:

Heheh, my sorely wounded troops are pushing for the second chair, but it'd be a godmode to take it with no opposition..
Moral is pitiful, but not as fragile as before FCD left the building.

The Death Commandos have located and secured a small number of leather office chairs in an office that was seemingly overlooked in the fracas. With the blessing of the victorious Slaytaniccans, we would like dispatch a small detachment of support troops to transport them back to The Protectorate as soon as possible, before any other chaos occurs. Our forces are still at your disposal to provide logistical support as well as containment of the area to prevent other attacks and allow your forces to regroup.

Wonderful news! We offer our heavy lifting helicopters to help you remove the chairs, as well as support from our MiGs.

(Damn, sorry, this is Slaytanicca's puppet. Must have got logged off there)

Thank you for your support, there are quite a number of spoils among the mess that can be recovered. I think there were reports of a cache of fuzzy bunny slippers and a few cases of frozen Mrs. Paul's Fish Sticks that were left behind by the departing FCD forces. I am not sure what other logistical assistance the Slaytaniccan forces may need in the event another attack occurs. Our first indication is that this action may have come to a close.

We are assuming DGNT forces may still be present, and could (heheh) have sustained casualties due to the beans bombing.

bump..

Secret IC:
Due to the apparent break in the fighting, Slaytaniccan forces have gone downstairs (by air! They're not risking multi-death from chemicals) to atempt to retrieve thepromissed magazines for Henrytopia from the secret, oh so secret stash beneath the ruined coffeetable.


OOC:
More chairs pending, waiting for defenders..

ooc: Wow this picked up alot. I'm using my own fire extinguishers you fools.
ic: After dropping off the entertainment center itself Shenyang forces return to their helo with 800,000 copies of Bambi with theintent of dislodging any resistance in the master bedroom. ETA: 20 minutes

OOC: Actually I moved on the master bedroom before everyone else.

IC: SOme more corpses fell among them, but the Orange state troops focused on their task. Superhumans from a highly advanced race, three 50 man platoons and an OS1 Mauler MBT were holding the main objective. They sat on the end of the bed and watched the TV sipping beer and chanting the name of their favourate team.

"GOAL!!!!! And that puts them out of the cup in the semis! ouch. And now the whistle, what a finish..."

They had to leave quickly, they grabbed the TV and the softest pillow and began to run.

After a sortie to Henrytopia to return our prize cache of office chairs, the Death Commandos have returned to assist the Slaytaniccan forces in their mop up operation. In our absence it seems the residence has been thoroughly looted and the mixture of beans and fruits is beginning to smell quite awful. We will hold for another few hours before making our departure back to our home.

The Helo hovered the house, waiting for the opertune moment. There it was. The commandos dropped the BAMBI BOMB on the enemy forces and proceeded with the escape plan.

"Did you hear that?" one of the Death Commandos said as he was rummaging through the shed behind the guest house... "There was a loud thud coming from the main residence."

"I wouldn't doubt anything blowing up with all those beans fermenting with the citric acid from the fruit bombs they were hurling back and forth at each other yesterday. The image of that carnage will forever be in my mind.. grab another bag of Twizzlers and lets get out of here, the rest of the squad is waiting for us. The shuttle departs in an hour and I would like to make it home without getting my uniform dirty, this place is a mess and it smells." his squad leader said to him as he stuffed more Twizzlers into his pockets.

Several hundred Slaytaniccans have fled the battlefield as a direct result of the Shenyang Bambi Bomb. We have, however, reported full success of the retrieval of our magazine stash, and the removal of several more office chairs which will be promptly delivered to our allies Henrytopia.

Slaytaniccan forces have now withrawn to the loft, where they hope to find a broken Scalectrix set, and maybe some lead.

We are glad to hear the Slaytaniccan forces have not sustained any damages while our Commandos were foraging about in the shed behind the guest house, which was remarkably left untouched during the fracas.

OOC: I would send an expeditionary force out here to sack the guest house if I were you.

IC: The Death Commandos are standing by, guarding the guest house to prevent any pillaging while awaiting the arrival of Slaytaniccan forces. Our squad leader reports finding a trove of Big 'Uns magazines and a relatively new set of blue fuzzy slippers..

Slaytaniccan forces tonight claimed two boxes of Christmas decorations and some spare wallpaper. Celebrations were cut short by massed outbreaks of sobbing, fallout from the Bambi Bomb dropped by the Shenyangian scum.

Rumours that Slaytanicca failed to find Scalectrix have neither been confirmed or denied.

Slaytanicca have sent a mobile force with half the remaining air support to the guest house, to support Henrytopia.

Ahh, it seems that hostilities have ended and we can sit back and enjoy a breath of fresh air at last. Such a pity to lose so many brave warriors. Time to regroup and start anew. Research of new bean bombs and fruit bombs is well under way I suspect? A tragedy like this can only be prevented with ample military might I am afraid to say.

"OMG PWNZ0R3D L0L" says the TehInterwebGame captain on the lead cruiser.