NationStates Jolt Archive

Candidate one: Hemuel Spume
Hemuel Spume is relatively inexperienced, yet he claims he can be a good leader for Sanctaphrax's corporations.
He says that taxes on companies should be halved, and that companies that have gone abroad should be convinced to come back, by offering them more perks. He also is in favour of lowering the minimum wage to 1 phraxdust an hour.
His most radical idea, is to make education compulsary until age 16, and then all pupils must take exams. The ones that pass them get to continue school, and get degrees. These people he hopes will be the next corporation CEO's.
The ones that fail them must either work 12 hour school days to catch up, or be thrown out of school to go and work for minimum wage. He hasn't really expressed any other opinions.

Candidate two: Richie Spruill
Not much is known about Richie, and people suspect he may have run just for a joke. Either way, he's listed his hobbies as, drinking, beating his wife and sleeping with his cousin.
He's a religious Christian though, and has listed his aims for the next four years. He will threaten the pope until he makes him a saint, take over the country by forcing everyone to shut up. He will achieve this by using his military, who will then go out of control and start raping women at random. Anyone who speaks against him will be shot. Once he is a saint, he will declare himself Emperor of Sanctaphrax, appoint people from two families, his and his best friends, as ministers and then take over the world. Once he has done this, which by his calculation should take about 2 years, he will go home and celebrate by sleeping with his cousins. Apparently, he will take over the world because "A voice in my head told me too" He finished announcing this by passing out in the gutter.

Candidate three: Cowlquape Pentephraxis (Current PM)
Cowlquape has made a surprise move by announcing that if elected, he will NOT join any more alliances. He has said however that he will remain commited to his current allies. He has pointed out that his record speaks for itself. Lets take a look at these records:
Taxes were at an incredible 89% when he came into power, now they're down to 52%. He has expressed his wish to keep them at this level, while improving funding to certain areas, especially Healthcare and Defence.
Sanctaphrax had 3 allies when he came to power, now Sanctaphrax is part of two alliances, along with about 6 other allies, not through alliances.
At this point in time, Sanctaphrax has never once been invaded, despite having a relatively weak military.

Candidate four: Rook Barkwater
Rook believes that his family, which 8 generations ago used to be the royal family, until they were kicked out, should be reinstated. He believes that although a leader should be picked for the country, that leader should be from the royal family. He has said, that although taxes are already relatively high, that they need to be raised. This is in order to guarantee first rate healthcare, law and order and education. He believes that the people will pay any price to have the best services in the world.



OOC: Basically, this is where you ask the candidates any questions you want. State your newspaper/radio station whatever and your question.

Mr Spruill, Bob Hill of the Samtonian News Service.

You have expressed a very ambitious plan that you will attempt to carry through if elected. However, you mention no matters concerning the economy, education, election reform, or even basic government matters.

How do you plan on carrying out your agenda?

*Richie stood up, belched loudly and shouted, rather louder than neccesary*
The education isn't a problem. We'll close down schools, and put up Military academies. We hope that within 5 years, 80% of the kids over 12 will go into military schools, where they will learn about the things that really matter.
And as for the rest of that rubbish, its simple. The people won't complain, whatever happens, they'll cheer me because if they don't, they'll be shot. So no matter how bad it gets, the outside world won't know about it, so it won't be a problem.

Reporter Dan Robertson promptly stood up from his chair and turned his recorder on.

Mr. Spume, Dan Robertson of 109.34 FM Poltika Radio.

Recent reports claim that Sanctaphrax's educational system is rapidly falling behind International standards. Annual statistics show that students of your country are in the bottom 60% tile on testing and the average Sanctaphraxian 8th grader has the mentality of a 4th Grader.

What will you do to make the Sanctaphrax education system perform to higher standards?

*Cowlquape Pentephraxis stood up sharply*
I most strongly object to this. Education funding is among the highest funded we have. 23% of our budget goes to our education. This is an insult to Sanctaphrax.


OOC: For those interested.

http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/nationdata.cgi/nation=Sanctaphrax

OCC: this maybe off topic, but could you help me in a war. I am helping rebals win a civil war. I am have a bit of trouble. here is the the thread site:
http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=378324

OOC: I really can't be arsed right now, sorry.

OOC: I really can't be arsed right now, sorry.

That's fine. I'll ask you next time. Would you mind teaching me RP war. my RPing is average, I want to be an Ace like you.

That's fine. I'll ask you next time. Would you mind teaching me RP war. my RPing is average, I want to be an Ace like you.
OOC: Like who? *looks around* I can try and teach you sure. However, TG me from now to avoid hijacking this thread.

OOC: Like who? *looks around* I can try and teach you sure. However, TG me from now to avoid hijacking this thread.

Okay, I'll stop bothering your RP.

The Indestructible Superpower of Roach-Busters officially endorses the candidacy of Cowlquape Pentephraxis.

-Generalissimo J.L.

No Commies?

No Commies?
OOC: no, sorry Hogsweat!

IC:
*Cowlquape stood up*
I very much thank our great friends Roach-Busters for this endorsement. I look forward to making Sanctaphrax greater than ever with the help of allies like R-B.

OOC: no, sorry Hogsweat!

IC:
*Cowlquape stood up*
I very much thank our great friends Roach-Busters for this endorsement. I look forward to making Sanctaphrax greater than ever with the help of allies like R-B.

To: Cowlquape Pentephraxis
From: Generalissimo J.L.

It's my pleasure, my friend. If in anyway I can contribute to your campaign, just say the word, and I'll allocate the designated resources to ensure your victory. A victory for Cowlquape is a victory for Sanctaphrax.

TO: Generalissimo J.L
FROM: Cowlquape Pentephraxis
SUBJECT: Endorsement
Friend,
I ask for nothing more than your endorsement when the time comes. This is all I request from you. If when the time comes, I need more than an endorsement, I shall not hesitate to ask. Thank you again for the support.

Hi! Richie Yule Log of Yule Log Times. My Spruill I have it on good authority that if you win Camel Eaters will invade Sanctaphrax and depose you.

What do you say to that?

"Excuse me, Mr Spruill"

The 440 pound, Heinz Leipgott stood up from his small metal chair, jelly doughnut and notepad in hand.

" How will you Sanctaphrax's economy perform more competitively, if you were elected as president?"

As he sat down, Leipgott let loose a massive fart, filling the back-half of the room with an ominous stench, along with the cries of reporters, gasping for breath.

President Yoshi meowed his question into the microphone. A human stepped forward to translate. "President Yoshi wonders what each candidate's position is on animal rights, particularly the rights of cats."

Do you know what Josh calls him? Grandma-Man.

*Richie considered standing up, but decided he couldn't be bothered and he just sat there, pointing at the CE reported guy*
If you invade me, or attempt to depose me, you will be first on my list of nations to destroy, or at least on the top 10. I intend to start a list of all nations deemed a threat to my superior rule, and I will hunt them down, one after the other.
*He got out a cigar and started smoking it, to dispense the other smell*
I have already answered this. As soon as I am elected, all foreign media will be kicked out. This is along with all embassies, except for a select few who are deemed loyal. Foreigners will not be welcome. Therefore nobody will see the state of our economy, and you will not know if it is good or not. Therefore, to foreigners, Sanctaphrax will appear to be in as bad a state as it is in now, whereas in truth, all those who are white, religious, fully loyal, male, and members of the army will prosper.

President Yoshi meowed his question into the microphone. A human stepped forward to translate. "President Yoshi wonders what each candidate's position is on animal rights, particularly the rights of cats."
Hemuel Spume stood up, slowly buttoning up his jacket. "This all depends on the animal. Horses for example, are fully able to work. The same applies for rats, for lab testing. Other animals, such as dogs and cats, will be allowed as household pets. Again, specific dogs can work as guard dogs. Cats, they will be household pets, their status will be as such.

Richie Spruill stood up sharply, a click was heard in his back, and he sat down again rather sharply.
"I've eaten cats before. Then again, i've eaten almost everything. Cats, not much use are they? I'll kill 'em. Dogs can be useful, other than that, who needs animals?"

Cowlquape stood up with a warm smile on his face. "Animals have never done us any harm, so why should we do them any? We are considering passing a bill legalising putting down an animal if its health is so poor that it is merely suffering needlessly. Last week I bought a kitten for my daughter. I see the great enjoyment that both my daughter and the kitten seem to get. The kitten loves chasing around after tennis balls, or when she runs with a trailing rope, it is her great joy. She gets no end of entertainment from the kitten, and I sense the kitten too enjoys it. Animals can bring great joy to a household."

Rook Barkwater stood up regally, taking his time.
"We personally have nearly 20 corgis on our premises, along with 10 Greyhounds and 30 horses. Whilst they are young, animals are like little children, they enjoy doing the same thing for hours, they require a lot of attention and they won't shut up. However when they get old, they become useless, lazy things. Therefore we are considering a proposal to put down all animals over a certain age."

Are there any more questions for the candidates?

Who else wants to know something?

OOC: This is Kriegorgrad but I can't be arsed to logout and then in again.

IC: Excuse me, Rook Barkwater but can I ask that do you even have royal blood and if you do, wouldn't there have been a reason for disposing of a monarchy 8 generations ago.

Sorry, just a quick query.

Yours,

Grand Inquisitorial Lord Matthias, Keeper of the Seal, Guardian of the Tome

The Democratic Imperium would like to ask Richie Spruill to move a little to the left.

*whispers*Ok men, when he sticks his head out, you blow it off.*whispers*

*Rook smiled easily and looked at the person from Zakia*
You see, eight generations ago, Democracy was just coming into Sanctaphrax. Then a PM was elected, and the monarchy suddenly were only wasting tax money. Their duties were traditional. Now I propose that we keep a PM, but that PM must be from the royal family. The monarchy ruled Sanctaphrax well and fairly, yet I understand the need for democracy, so I propose that the monarchy rule, yet every 5 years, a member of the royal family is elected as PM. This will give the royal family an active role in Sanctaphrax, tradition and heritage will return, and the people get a democratically elected leader.

The Democratic Imperium would like to ask Richie Spruill to move a little to the left.
*whispers*Ok men, when he sticks his head out, you blow it off.*whispers*
*Richie looked confused at this request, yet he tried to comply. He moved to the right by accident, knocking Hemuel Spume off his chair. The podium was now directly between him and the Praetonian*

Are there any further questions for the candidates?

Come on, we have another hours worth of airtime to fill.

James got up.

"Wouldn't you and your kids be the only royalty?"

He sat back down.

James got up.
"Wouldn't you and your kids be the only royalty?"
He sat back down.
*Rook stood up*
Could you please elaborate on that question?

*Rook sat back down again at the lack of response. The candidates looked dejected at the lack of interest*

"Any more questions?"
"Come on..." The woman thought to herself.

We do request that anybody who has a question, asks it now.

Anna Goldstein from Jeruselem Government News asks "How will your government handle the separation of Church and State, or are they the one and the same?"

"We ask which candidate this question was aimed at? Also, Sanctaphrax already has seperation of religion and state."

"We ask which candidate this question was aimed at? Also, Sanctaphrax already has seperation of religion and state."

Sorry, specifically nutcase Ritchie ...

*Richie lumbered his way to the podium, barging the woman out of the way*
Its simple, the Government will fund the church, all other religions will be banned, so there will be no need to fund the other religions. Everybody will be required to go to church every Sunday. I plan to make myself a saint, by threatening the pope. Everyone will be forced to worship me. Anyone who doesn't gets 6 years jail.

Richie waddled back to his chair as the candidates awaited further questions.