Roycelandia
08-12-2004, 12:37
DATELINE: Westport, Roycelandia
The Imperial Police Service is reviewing its Criminal Profiling system after “a series of misunderstandings” led to yesterday’s arrest of John and Mary Robertson, a middle-aged couple living in the small town of Westport, on Roycelandia’s west coast.
“The suspects are a happily married, middle-aged couple. They have two adult children living in Port Royal, and a pet cat called Felix. Both of them attend Church every Sunday” explained an IPS spokesman.
“Additionally, Mrs Robertson is a keen gardener, and Mr. Robertson is in a Bowling League. They both have respectable jobs, and are regarded as quiet and unobtrusive by their neighbours” the spokesman continued.
“In fact, the Robertsons are so normal and unremarkable that we therefore felt they must be Serial Killers” said the Spokesman.
The Spokesman went on to explain that Armed Police raided the Robertson’s property at 3:07am this morning after obtaining a warrant from a Magistrate. The occupants were arrested and taken away for questioning whilst a Forensics Unit examined every square inch of their property. Nothing incriminating, illegal, or even slightly shady was found during this search. After being granted access to a lawyer, the Robertsons were questioned for several hours on suspicion of serial murder. They have since been released, as they appear not to actually have committed any crimes. Mrs Robertson once returned a Library Book late, and Mr. Robertson received a parking fine in 1957, but aside from that they appear to be completely innocent in all respects.
The IPS has advised them not be quite so normal in the future, as Serial Killers also often appear totally normal to the community at large, which is the cause of this misunderstanding. Recreational Drug Use, Kinky Sex Parties, or at least playing the stereo too loudly every once in a while were recommended as being good ideas to prevent future “misunderstandings”
“There’s probably something to be learned from these events, but quite frankly we haven’t got the time or the inclination to work out what it is”, concluded the Spokesman.
The Robertsons have apparently “seen the funny side” of the events and have reached an “undisclosed” financial settlement with the IPS over the incident.
Near Enough is Good Enough, Page 2
Emperor To Attend Conference, Page 3
Police Shoot Man With Knife, Page 12
The Imperial Police Service is reviewing its Criminal Profiling system after “a series of misunderstandings” led to yesterday’s arrest of John and Mary Robertson, a middle-aged couple living in the small town of Westport, on Roycelandia’s west coast.
“The suspects are a happily married, middle-aged couple. They have two adult children living in Port Royal, and a pet cat called Felix. Both of them attend Church every Sunday” explained an IPS spokesman.
“Additionally, Mrs Robertson is a keen gardener, and Mr. Robertson is in a Bowling League. They both have respectable jobs, and are regarded as quiet and unobtrusive by their neighbours” the spokesman continued.
“In fact, the Robertsons are so normal and unremarkable that we therefore felt they must be Serial Killers” said the Spokesman.
The Spokesman went on to explain that Armed Police raided the Robertson’s property at 3:07am this morning after obtaining a warrant from a Magistrate. The occupants were arrested and taken away for questioning whilst a Forensics Unit examined every square inch of their property. Nothing incriminating, illegal, or even slightly shady was found during this search. After being granted access to a lawyer, the Robertsons were questioned for several hours on suspicion of serial murder. They have since been released, as they appear not to actually have committed any crimes. Mrs Robertson once returned a Library Book late, and Mr. Robertson received a parking fine in 1957, but aside from that they appear to be completely innocent in all respects.
The IPS has advised them not be quite so normal in the future, as Serial Killers also often appear totally normal to the community at large, which is the cause of this misunderstanding. Recreational Drug Use, Kinky Sex Parties, or at least playing the stereo too loudly every once in a while were recommended as being good ideas to prevent future “misunderstandings”
“There’s probably something to be learned from these events, but quite frankly we haven’t got the time or the inclination to work out what it is”, concluded the Spokesman.
The Robertsons have apparently “seen the funny side” of the events and have reached an “undisclosed” financial settlement with the IPS over the incident.
Near Enough is Good Enough, Page 2
Emperor To Attend Conference, Page 3
Police Shoot Man With Knife, Page 12