NationStates Jolt Archive

Did your cat Fluffy die last week?
Did you lose a loved one?
Do you need more soldiers in your military and FAST?

Then contact us, The People's Republic of MassPwnage.

Prices are as follows:

Animals (within 100 pounds)- $100,000+handling costs
Animals (above 100 pounds)- $100,000+$100,000 for every 100 pounds above+handling costs.
Humans- $1,000,000

MassBumpage
Do your own math.

Discounts

More than 10 orders=10% discount on total order
More than 1000 orders=20% discount.

I would like to clone 2 cats, if you would. My pets are getting quite old and I don't know what it would be like for the goverment building not to have my two cats watching over everything. Also, we need to clone about 8 dogs for the police station in Phoenix, our capital. The money has been deposited. Thank you.

-Cathrine Soma, President of The United Socialist States of Monoma.

Alright, your 2 kittens and 8 puppies are on a C10 Light Cargo Transport over.
Thank you for the business.

Bumpage

The Kingdom of San Lucia would like for you to clone 20 of our pure breed Kodiak Ducks. We will wire you the money immediately.

Thank you for your business, the ducks shall migrate south to your nation shortly, escorted by fighter planes that will vaporize any yahoo with a shotgun that thinks they're fair game.

Bumpage

Birds Upon Mass Pwnage

Did your cat Fluffy die last week?
Did you lose a loved one?
Do you need more soldiers in your military and FAST?

Then contact us, The People's Republic of MassPwnage.

Prices are as follows:

Animals (within 100 pounds)- $100,000+handling costs
Animals (above 100 pounds)- $100,000+$100,000 for every 100 pounds above+handling costs.
Humans- $1,000,000

The Republic of Mabulia would like to buy:

should be $15 million (if my math is correct)

50 sasquatch clones.

money wired on confermation.

Very well, your animals shall be delivered shortly.

The Allied States of naruto fan 33 would like 5 badgers cloned. The money has been weird to your account.

Our current breeding methods for Gerash troops could stand to be more efficient, however years of experimentation in the field has shown that cloning is even less efficient than natural reproduction; for every 100 Gerash eggs, typically only seven or eight are successful. We understand that the current success rate for the research carried out by humans is even less successful, with only 1 successful cloning attempt per 100 clones.

And then there are the problems inherent in most successful clones; not limited to immune system issues, severe lack of intelligence, and short lifespan -- with a certain percentage of genes (ranging from 1 - 6% in various samples) in all samples functioning abnormally. This is assuming the clone doesn't have serious, visual, malfunctions before you even diagnose these less obvious problems. And then there is the need for constant replenishment of the gene bank from fresh, naturally reproduced gene samples to prevent generational clone genetic degradation.

We are curious as to how you solved the problems inherent in clones, and increased the efficiency of the cloning process to make it a viable alternative to natural reproduction?

Director of Sciences, Imperium University of Ghargonia Prime

Yer' Badgers.... *Vicious little things*

Ok, here's how it was done....

Problem: Genetic Degradation
Solution: Identify and know what every gene does. Check clone DNA against a optimal model. Replace with synthetic molecular duplicate if faulty (after all, isn't DNA a mere molecule?)

Problem: Messed up phenotypes.
Solution: If the gene replacements didn't get it, then the carefully monitored growing conditions in the artificial womb will.

Problem: Doesn't work too well (inefficient).
Solution: I devised a solution that allows the filter of the female egg through menstural blood. Also, a new process that doesn't damage the egg/dna and better pregnancy simulation hormones work to my benefit.

Bump!

Is that 1,000,000 per one human clone? Wouldn't conscripting an army be much cheaper?

There are way to may genes to know what each one does. And even if you did, making sure that they all work would take years for each clone.

ooc: I'm slightly future tech.

Not necessarily. With our DX00 Supercomputers capable of 22.9 trillion floating point calculations per second, we can make a complete genetic map of a lifeform with unprecedented rapidity and check it as well.

*bump*

We would like to clone one human. His name is Jaygus Lutch Commander of our Armed Forces. He is getting on in years and is no longer effective as a Commander. The clone should have no legs. Just as Jaygus has no legs. He lost them in defense of his nation. Thank you.

Honor Guardsmen Yee

*Alright then....*
errhmm... you can cut off his legs... Order delievered.

Bump!