NationStates Jolt Archive

Sarah Stephens, technically second in command of the Glorious Army of Infinate Suffering At The Hands Of Imps With Spikey Things but more like the alien who intimidated them all into following its translator and assistant, was starting to have serious doubts about letting Kathxeth learn how to use a computer...

Granted, the creature could type fast, but that was part of the problem. Before she could even say "No!" the Zircon Hive Lord had already typed in "HOT XXX JAPANESE ANAL" and hit enter on the search.

"No!" Stephens yelled, hitting the "back" macro on the keyboard repeatedly. "No!"

Growling slightly, Kathxeth thought a moment, then quickly typed "XXX ASIAN ANAL FISTING" before the back macro was hit again.

"Geez, freakin' pervert..."

"Phgheeeeeeeeeveeeeeeeert..."

"No. PER-VERT."

"PGHEEEEEEEEVEEEEEERT!!!"

"... Close enough." She had given up on trying to teach the creature how to pronounce words correctly. "Look, just... play with e-mail for a bit. I need to go get food..."

"Khaaaaam bhgheaaaaaaak nneeeeeeeekeeeeeeeeed..."

"... You need to stop hanging around Smith."

"Pgheeeeeveeeert...?"

"Very much so."


Unfortunately, e-mail was as bad of an idea as a search engine. It wasn't long until insulting messages had been spammed to nearly every nation in the world, mostly calling into question the leaders themselves.

"U SUX KOCK U STOOPID FUK!!!"

"I BANGED UR MOM U FUKIN LOOOSER!!!11"

"LOLS UR DIK IS SMAL!!"

"Dear Sir or Madam, I'm afraid I'm not exactly satisfied with your forign policy, your behavior, or your personal hygene. Kindly correct these errors and attempt to upgrade your intelectual capacity. Thank you."

Most notable was a well photoshopped image of Lord Damien Dreadfire of Automagfreek wearing a Japanese schoolgirl's uniform. (OOC: Okay, yeah, that's crossing the line a bit. Sorry in advance. ^_^)

What would be next...? Only time would tell...

Well, everything except what Stephens would do when she found Kathxeth had changed the desktop to a particularly graphic picture... That, nobody wants to know.

What the hell?! I don't think AMF will be pleased......

OCC: -dies alughing- Dear god that is to funny!

OOC: Hehe, a thread is amusing for once!

Director Kerrik blinked at his computer screen, trying to decifer the message:

"LENGTEN UR KOCK BY 29087 INCHZ"

Blinking again, he tapped his intercom, "Allens, get me the Slicers, tell them to filter this puerile user."

"Yes, sir."

Kerrik reached for the close button, but his aide asked, "Sir... could you... uh... send that to my email... you know... just for "investigative" purposes?"

"Absolutely not, Johnson."

OOC: Hehe, nice.

"Oooooh yess! Yes! Yes! Oh, Smith! Oh! Oh YESSS!!"

As the Stephens on the screen, performing... acts... on herself writhed in extacy, the real Stephens was at the other end of the emotional spectrum.

"... Kathxeth... I swear, if you didn't scare the shit out of me..."

She had to admit, though. The Zircon was good at what he(?) did. In a matter of fifteen minutes, he had forged a fake video that could pass for real. She didn't know if she should kill him, or give him more ideas.

"Sgheeeeennt tgooooo Smiiiith..."

"... Don't you fucking dare!!"


It was several hours later that the internet was flooded with video footage that everyone knew had to be fake... right...?

Millions upon millions of Catholics stumbled in horror upon a "speech" by the Pope (Pick a Pope, any Pope, multiple copies of the video.) involving his love for Asses. No, not that. Yes, donkeys. Ass asses.

Stephens felt ill as she looked away from the old man sodomizing the work animal. This was bound to piss someone off...

The Taldaan Defence Ministry Intelligence Centre was usually a place of quiet, as agents filed paperwork and wrote reports. But now, it was a place of hilarity. Roars of laughter echoed around the room, bouncing of the walls and disturbing the logisticians and management on the next floor up. Security had been called to quell the disturbance, probably by one of the logisticy nerds, but not even tear gas could stop the laughter.

********************************************************

One hour earlier:
It was all quiet in the Intelligence Centre. The only sounds were breathing, the glide of pens across paper, and the sounds of computer keyboards.
There was a small "ping" as a message arrived in Assistant Agent Al Goran's inbox, and he clicked on the "read" button, expecting another form to fill out or message to forward.
What he saw instead made his jaw collide painfully with his chest.
"Oh my god......." he mouthed,
"Is that......"

Seeing the now hyperventilating Goran, the other agents scurried to see what was so funny. They too collapsed. Through the laughter, Goran just about managed to gasp
"Damien...Dreadfire...is a.....Japanese...schoolgirl!"
before collapsing again.

That piece of information would now be stored forever in the Taldaani Intelligence Mainframe.

ooc: Apologies to everyone, especially AMF, in advance.

To: Neo-Mekanta Terminal
From: AVATAR-217_Jackson@KCV_Pyrite.kanuckistan

>
>"LOLS UR DIK IS SMAL!!"
>

"Quantity has a quality all its own." -Josef Ivanovich Stalin

After a long period of the internet being down aboard the Glirous ("That's "GLORIOUS you ass!") Army's command submarine, Kathxeth finally had access to the internet again.

Time would only tell who the next victim was...