Roycelandia
28-11-2004, 08:13
Imperial Palace, Port Royal, Roycelandia
"Ah, there you are, Wiggles... listen, "Where's My Thribble?" is about to start... could you bring me some chips, dip, and some beer? Thanks."
His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I flicked the Intercom off and pressed the button on his desk to reveal the Wall To Wall TV screen. Cycling through the channels, he found Groovy Channel 27, and waited impatiently for the ads and station promos to finish so his favourite show could start.
Wiggles entered, carrying a tray with a bowl chips, French Onion Dip, and a bottle of Tiger Beer.
"Excellent!" His Majesty smiled, made himself comfy, and took a chip from the bowl. Usually, His Majesty dipped his chip, but today, he did something different. He took a chip from the bowl and put it straight into his mouth, sans dip.
There was the muffled "crunch" of a chip being eaten, when suddenly His Majesty stopped in mid-chew. Suddenly, the sound of the TV seemed oddly far away.
"Wiggles, what's this?" His Majesty asked, holding up another chip from the bowl.
"Potato Chips, Your Majesty" Wiggles replied, nervously.
"WRONG! This is a vaguely potato related abomination!" His Majesty shouted suddenly. "This is Snackfood Heresy! An Outrage! Here I am, trying to enjoy my favourite TV show, and it's ruined by sub-par comestibles!"
His Majesty lowered his voice. "Someone bought Plain Flavoured crisps again, didn't they, Wiggles?"
"Well, the supermarket was out of Cheese & Bacon flavour, and..."
"There are other supermarkets in Port Royal, Wiggles. Did it not occur to you that you could drive to another one and purchase the most tasty of all Potato Chips, Cheese & Bacon flavour? Barbeque would be great, too. Even Cheese Flavour, if nothing else was available. BUT NOT PLAIN!!!"
Wiggles realised he should have known. "I'm sorry, your Majesty. I'll send someone out for the correct flavour immediately."
"You'd better. And just to make sure it doesn't happen again, I'm decreeing that Plain and Ready Salted flavoured Potato and Corn Chips are banned from sale throughout the Empire, unless the purchaser has an Undesirable Foodstuffs Permit. Oh, and the same applies to Vanilla Icecream. That's an abomination, too."
"Yes, your Majesty..." Wiggles replied dejectedly.
At that moment, an exhausted Lackey burst into the room carrying a supermarket bag with two bags of Cheese & Bacon flavoured Chips.
"Your Snackfoods, Your Majesty" the lackey puffed, pausing to catch his breath.
"Excellent. Thank you, random Lackey. There'll be another storey on your house when you get home this evening. And you can park in the Really Good Carparking Spot By The Front Door for the rest of the Month." His Majesty waved his hand to indicate that the Lackey was dismissed.
"But Your Majesty, The Really Good Carparking Spot By The Front Door is where I..." Wiggles began to protest
"Ssshhh" His Majesty interrupted. "My show's on. Go and find a small country to invade or something..."
"Ah, there you are, Wiggles... listen, "Where's My Thribble?" is about to start... could you bring me some chips, dip, and some beer? Thanks."
His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I flicked the Intercom off and pressed the button on his desk to reveal the Wall To Wall TV screen. Cycling through the channels, he found Groovy Channel 27, and waited impatiently for the ads and station promos to finish so his favourite show could start.
Wiggles entered, carrying a tray with a bowl chips, French Onion Dip, and a bottle of Tiger Beer.
"Excellent!" His Majesty smiled, made himself comfy, and took a chip from the bowl. Usually, His Majesty dipped his chip, but today, he did something different. He took a chip from the bowl and put it straight into his mouth, sans dip.
There was the muffled "crunch" of a chip being eaten, when suddenly His Majesty stopped in mid-chew. Suddenly, the sound of the TV seemed oddly far away.
"Wiggles, what's this?" His Majesty asked, holding up another chip from the bowl.
"Potato Chips, Your Majesty" Wiggles replied, nervously.
"WRONG! This is a vaguely potato related abomination!" His Majesty shouted suddenly. "This is Snackfood Heresy! An Outrage! Here I am, trying to enjoy my favourite TV show, and it's ruined by sub-par comestibles!"
His Majesty lowered his voice. "Someone bought Plain Flavoured crisps again, didn't they, Wiggles?"
"Well, the supermarket was out of Cheese & Bacon flavour, and..."
"There are other supermarkets in Port Royal, Wiggles. Did it not occur to you that you could drive to another one and purchase the most tasty of all Potato Chips, Cheese & Bacon flavour? Barbeque would be great, too. Even Cheese Flavour, if nothing else was available. BUT NOT PLAIN!!!"
Wiggles realised he should have known. "I'm sorry, your Majesty. I'll send someone out for the correct flavour immediately."
"You'd better. And just to make sure it doesn't happen again, I'm decreeing that Plain and Ready Salted flavoured Potato and Corn Chips are banned from sale throughout the Empire, unless the purchaser has an Undesirable Foodstuffs Permit. Oh, and the same applies to Vanilla Icecream. That's an abomination, too."
"Yes, your Majesty..." Wiggles replied dejectedly.
At that moment, an exhausted Lackey burst into the room carrying a supermarket bag with two bags of Cheese & Bacon flavoured Chips.
"Your Snackfoods, Your Majesty" the lackey puffed, pausing to catch his breath.
"Excellent. Thank you, random Lackey. There'll be another storey on your house when you get home this evening. And you can park in the Really Good Carparking Spot By The Front Door for the rest of the Month." His Majesty waved his hand to indicate that the Lackey was dismissed.
"But Your Majesty, The Really Good Carparking Spot By The Front Door is where I..." Wiggles began to protest
"Ssshhh" His Majesty interrupted. "My show's on. Go and find a small country to invade or something..."