NationStates Jolt Archive

It's come to my attention that the Cheshire cat, Joesia's national animal and #1 protected species, breeds almost as much as rabbits.

*wading through a sea of pink & purple fur*

If you'd be so kind, take some of these buggers and give them a new home. They make fantastic pets, but there are a few rules....

1. If a Cheshire cat decides to maul you, you may choose the option of running away. Otherwise, you must allow the cat to maul you until it has reached its desired amount of damage.

2. These animals learn to talk at an early age. They're also completely sarcastic, and love talking in circles (of course, some talk in squares or other polygons). Be patient with them.

Otherwise, enjoy!

We'll take a few million.

*packs a few dozen crates full of pink & purple fuzzballs*

They really do make great pets... But I'd get them neutered and such....

I should think about marketing them as educational tools for children......

An antenna, a particularly crappy example of one, rises from the ocean as the Glorious Army Under A Psychotic Alien Who Has A Bad Habit Of Smashing Buildings Either By Hand Or Claw Rather Or With The Big Blue Beams Of Death He Has A Tendancy To Shoot From His Face If You Could Call It That sends out a transmission.

-Audio Only

"NHOOOO SKSEEEEEEE!!"

"Maybe if you didn't cut the camera in half with those claws of yours you'd- y'know what? just send the damn message!"

"... Khay... WHE SKSEEEE FGHOOOOOD!!!"

"Don't tell them thaaaaaaat!!"

"Whghaeeeeee?"

"Because they probably won't give us them if they know- erm... think we're going to eat them."

"... Whegheeeee aaaaaaghere...."

"No... erm... we're not. We want them as... erm... pets. Yes. Pets. Could we send a sub to go pick some up?"

"Fghooooooood..."

We would also love to take a million.

Might we take a few thousand? They'll be used as abuse tools in place of cats.

It's come to my attention that the Cheshire cat, Joesia's national animal and #1 protected species, breeds almost as much as rabbits.

*wading through a sea of pink & purple fur*

If you'd be so kind, take some of these buggers and give them a new home. They make fantastic pets, but there are a few rules....

1. If a Cheshire cat decides to maul you, you may choose the option of running away. Otherwise, you must allow the cat to maul you until it has reached its desired amount of damage.

2. These animals learn to talk at an early age. They're also completely sarcastic, and love talking in circles (of course, some talk in squares or other polygons). Be patient with them.

Otherwise, enjoy!

To: Joesia Diplomats
From: The Apollo Group, HQ
Subject: cats

Our CEO is an avid collector of exotic animals from around the world. He is interested in a shipment of no more than 30 of said animals for his private zoo - preferably an equal number of males and females. We require a complete detailing of the Cheshire cat abilities so as to take proper precautions in transport and handling. As well, we cannot abide with condition #1 since any animal that dares threaten to cause injury will be immediately destroyed.

State your price and perhaps we can come to an arrangement.

The Empire of Tanthan and its people love kitties! We'll take all that you can spare. Just name the price and the amount. Also a few documents on eating habits, habitats and other information on general care.

1. Feeding habits.
Cheshires feed mostly on small rodents, same as normal cats. They also enjoy honey, and cheese. On rare occasions (usually when they have not eaten for x amount of days), they can be seen hunting lizards.

2. Behavior.
As stated earlier, these animals enjoy conversation. A muzzle may be required in order to get them quiet.

Apart from their tendency to disappear without warning, the cheshire will normally stay within noted boundaries (especially if it knows it will be fed). Bribes of food may be used to keep said cat in check.

Cheshires are well-mannered, and play is essential to keep them happy. It is unusual to see even an unhappy cat smiling, so this shouldnot be a way of measuring happy levels. Just ask it how it feels if you suspect something.

As Cheshire cats learn to speak, they also choose their own names. Once, I ran into a cheshire that named itself 'Spam'. It has occurred to me that they pick their names from just about anything and everything around them. If your Cheshire has already picked its own name, it would be wise not to enforce a new one upon it. It's better to do that while they're young.

3. Handling.
Cheshire cats should be held as often as possible, mainly because their soft fur requires almost constant grooming.

The cat's claws are not necessarily sharp, although they do begin to feel like small daggers after a few minutes of mauling. These claws, like rodent teeth, grow almost constantly. Mauling is simply the way cheshires keep them small. To keep your pet cheshire from mauling your family, friends, or even the pesky neighbors or local Girl Scout sect, simply buy a scratching post, or authorize a "Mauling Zone" within your house.

4. Breeding
Cheshire cats, as stated before, breed like rabbits. After only three months of life, they are ready to start their own broods. A cheshire litter consists of anywhere from 6 to 10 kittens,

Simply follow these easy guidelines, and you will have a beloved, loyal companion for as long as 25 years.






*ships desired numbers to those who have indicated*

These cats are free to anyone who wishes to claim ownership... as long as they do not plan on EATING them.

-Transmission

Now free from Kathxeth, a much more calm (and dishonest) Administrator Sarah Stephens smiles in a grainy video feed.

"There, fixed the camera."

"We don't want the cats to eat. We want them as pets, and to keep warm. We already have a good creature for them to maul... namely the big ugly brute we're for some unknown reason following."

"So we could take... say... four million?"

"I just need to find someplace to hide them from Kathxeth."

As the delegate for the Free Land of McGobbo we would love to have some of these delish...loverly animals as pets for our populace.

From the Head of Para-normal creatures and activities, John Cossak

We would love to take about a thousand of each gender cat. We believe that they will make better pets tahn regular cats. The shipping address is attached.

*wrestles two thousand cats into crates, along with food and copies of the Care Manual*

It's an interesting thought; how our people pretty much worship these animals... and yet, our flag depicts a platypus. *shrugs*