NationStates Jolt Archive

(OOC: In response to my election thread)


Once again, the time has come for the people of Roach-Busters to elect a Presidential candidate. The Patriot Party has unanimously nominated President J.L. and Vice-President Calvin Cyprian to run for re-election. Here are the other candidates:

Harold R. Lord- Candidate of the Moderate Party. Considered far less of a moderate extremist than the previous candidates the party has nominated. Nearly every presidential candidate the party has ever nominated has been an almost fanatically radical middle-of-the-roader, but Lord's moderation is far more, uh, moderate.

Timmy Farter- Candidate of the Cringing Coward Party. Considered to be a wimp in international affairs, an ineffective and incompetent lout in domestic affairs, a radical pantheist, and an all-around loser. A hell of a nice guy in person, though, and has huge buck teeth.

Donald Megan- Candidate of the Neoconservative Party. Favors massive government spending and increased government, though he wishes to spend slightly less than liberals and increase the size of the government at a slightly slower rate.

John Lenin and Vladimir Lennon- Candidates of the recently legalized RB Communist Party. If elected, they will nationalize all industries, increase welfare spending, socialized medicine, higher taxes for the wealthy, a minimum wage, higher education funding, greater racial and economic equality, etc., and will work hard to improve workers' rights.

Lu Ni Man- Candidate of the Warmonger Party. Will make gun ownership and military service compulsory for all citizens. Will impose a 100% tax rate on every citizen, and spend money only on defense. Promises to entangle the nation in at least 10 wars if elected.

Jill Sprinton- Candidate of the Lefty Loosy Party. Will introduce more socialistic aspects to the government, and will pursue an authoritarian economic policy buy a libertarian social policy (pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, legalization of all drugs, etc.).

Che Trotsky- Candidate of the Radical Revolutionary Party. Will immediately establish an anarchy and resign the day he is elected.

(OOC2: We need one nation to be the moderator, and 2-10 others to send foreign reporters to ask the candidates questions)

Can I be the moderator?

OOC:I think I have an interesting way to kill one of them, can I have Skar some in disguised as a reporter?

Can I be the moderator?

Sure!

OOC:I think I have an interesting way to kill one of them, can I have Skar some in disguised as a reporter?

Sure, that would be excellent.

Anyone have any questions for the puppet candidates before I kill them?

Come on, people, I'm bored.

A man raised his hand, he was from the Tylinoa National News.

"Since a recent Civil War in R.B., what will each of you do about law and order in your nation to stop from another civil war from happening?"

President J.L. shrugged. "Well, since nobody showed up, I guess nobody cares what the outcome of this election will be, eh?" He snapped his fingers, beckoning the firing squad. "Kill them all."

A man raised his hand, he was from the Tylinoa National News.

"Since a recent Civil War in R.B., what will each of you do about law and order in your nation to stop from another civil war from happening?"

President J.L.: "Increase police and military funding, strengthen internal security and intelligence, closely monitor every top military and political leader's activities, etc."

Donald Meagan: "Cut spending on defense by spending a tiny bit less than my liberal opponents!"

Timmy Farter: "Ah'm a'gonna cut miluhtary spendin' 'cause what w'all rilly need 'ere is s'm good ol' peace an' bahbahque chicken!"

Jill Sprinton: "Ah...did...not...have...sex...with...that...w- er, man."

Lenin and Lennon: "Execute the bourgeoise! Liquidate all opposition! Liberate the proletariat from the chains of capitalism!"

Lu Ni Man: "Establish no less than fifty secret police and undercover intelligence services, and kill anyone who might even remotely possibly pose even the slightest hint of a possible threat to me."

Che Trotsky: "Nothin', man. We need lawlessness and anarchy!"

Harold Lord: "I will take the most middle-of-the-road path possible, and pursue a policy as far from the left and far from the right as possible. Moderation in the defense of liberty is no vice. Extremism is the pursuit of justice is no virtue."

Any other questions for the pri- er, candidates?

The Tylinoan reporter was escorted out of the room, and the door was closed. The room was made soundproof. J.L. gave the signal. "You may fire at will."

The firing squad raised their machine-guns and they all pulled the triggers simultaneously, spraying a flurry of bullets which burrowed into the candidates' flesh, causing bursts of blood to spurt out, drizzling the floor. They slumped to the ground, their faces locked in expressions of dismay and terror, as the lives faded from their bodies and death claimed them.

However, Lenin and Lennon were spared; they were flown to Doomingsland, as a 'present' for Skar.