NationStates Jolt Archive

Dateline: Port Royal, Roycelandia

The price of Moisturisers, Skin Cream, and other Non-Medical "Beauty Products" (excluding makeup) is due to rise in price dramatically at the beginning of next month, after the Imperial Parliament voted to add a 100% tax to these items.

"Look, let's face it. Most of this stuff is a con, designed to part impressionable teenagers from their money. So, we figured, if they're stupid enough to buy it just so they can look good, then they can pay even more for it and ensure the money goes to something useful, like the hospitals. Or The Dole", said His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I today.

When various Women's Rights groups complained, His Majesty pointed out that, since most of this stuff only cost a few Wibbles anyway, it wasn't like anyone was going to starve to death as a result.

"And don't make me remind you that we have no income tax in Roycelandia. We have to get our money from somewhere, you know. It doesn't grow on trees, folks. Aside from that brief period under King Nordstrom the Insane, when the Leaf was the official currency and it cost twelve native forests to buy a loaf of bread, but that was 200 years ago, so it doesn't count."

Palace spokespeople have denied rumours that the tax is due to the fact the Emperor's girlfriend apparently has a cupboard the size of a gun cabinet full of moisturisers, skin creams, lip balms, and other beauty products, which His Majesty is sick of buying for her.

"At least it's not shoes" he joked to reporters just after the Press Conference, before heading off to a Charity Event for "knocked up teenage sluts", as he put it.

His Majesty has been criticised in the past for his somewhat "dated" attitudes towards women, but His Majesty points out that that women in Roycelandia enjoy equal status with men, equal pay, equal rights, and besides, women are free to treat men as sex objects if they choose. The fact they haven't is, therefore, their problem, His Majesty says.

His Majesty "Too Sexy" for his Shirt, Page 3
Blackjack & Hookers: Which one is right for you?, Page 18
Magic Eight Ball Predicitions: You May Rely On It, Page 27

I for one will applaud the regulation of such petty, useless objects which distract people from the more important things in life, such as the military, or making good bombs. I hope the tax also covers such products made for males as well as for females, thus neutralising any sexist claims.

Congratulations. It seems Gorkon may be following in your footsteps on several issues.

Commander-in-Chief Benjamin Greeson
Gorkonian Military High Command

(Now, Lusaka doesn't agree with anything that Roycelandia does, and I don't agree with the Emperor in this attitude, but I couldn't help laughing anyway when reading his comment on the charity event he was kindly attending.

Perhaps the black market can run two ways! Ah, cheap Lusakan state-approved cosmetics smuggling, 2005's growth industry? ;) )

ummm, w00t?

ummm, w00t?


Psst... I wouldn't use that word around Roycelandia if I were you :p

OOC: Does a clapping sound with his hands, in other words, he claps.

Quality.

(Now, Lusaka doesn't agree with anything that Roycelandia does, and I don't agree with the Emperor in this attitude, but I couldn't help laughing anyway when reading his comment on the charity event he was kindly attending.

Perhaps the black market can run two ways! Ah, cheap Lusakan state-approved cosmetics smuggling, 2005's growth industry? ;) )


HHmm there are definatily possibilities there, i can see it now: dark back ally workshops where a tub of smuggled Oil of Olay is cut with vast amounts of mayonaise (or on reflection, perhaps soemthing more siutable)

Quick warning: If riots break out, DO NOT enlist the help of Cherry Ridge. Cherry Ridge is a violent and unpredictable nation. One instance of "Crowd Control" under Cherry Ridge resulted in over 400 innocents shot.

I like the idea of Lusakans smuggling cosmetics into REA... and the idea of Strathdonian dealers selling Oil of Olay cut with, say, Vaseline.

"Psst... Wanna buy some Ollies?" :D

And yes, the tax applies to male beauty products as well. His Majesty is firmly of the opinion that "It's just wrong" for men to use moisturisers etc, although he maintains that the cream he has been known to rub on his hands is a Salve for Dry Hands and NOT Avon Moisturising Skin Cream, despite what those photos would indicate...