NationStates Jolt Archive

After months of unsuccessfully getting world attention, Amish High Command had given the go ahead for the invasion of the rest of Lancaster County. Hundreds of armored buggies armed with various machine guns and AA and AT weapons blitzkrieged through the countryside into Lancaster, Pennsylvania. With the help of the walking Hershey Bars so prevalent in Hershey Park, resistance was quickly wiped out. The AMW flag was raised over the City Hall of Lancaster, PA yesterday.

Earlier in the year, an unidentified horse-drawn buggy drove past the White House, fired off uzis, and sped away. No one was hurt, and the assailants got away. Although the AMW claimed credit, the CIA believed it to be Al-Qaeda.

Baffled by the mistake the CIA made in giving credit, the AMW had built up stockpiles of weapons, including M16s, AT4s, Stingers, Mig-29s, armored buggies, and T-80 Tanks and used these weapons. Currently, the AMW is digging in, and on the Western Front in Ohio, the Amish are slowly advancing.

*Random Kingdom waves at AMW*
Happy now?

[Lends over to a friend and says]

Oh....he isn't going to make it long

ooc: Hes funny, but I doubt he'll last long before someone nukes him.

Message from AMW Leader Smith:

Greetings Americans. Your days are at an end. We will destroy your Capitalist and Technology-corrupted nation. After hundreds of years, the Amish will be free from the shakles of temptation and corruption so prevalent in your society. We righteous will conquer all and wipe out any resistance. The AMW is prepared for a new age, a new world. Prepare for your doom!

ooc: he's got spunk, but spunk can get you killed

ooc: If he hates technology so much, why is he using M16s instead of crossbows, T-80s instead of horses, and MiG-29s at all? Bit of a hypocrite, eh?

I dare your nation to move West of the Mississippi River. Your horses will not be a good resistance to my M1A2 Abrams and your Migs wont stay in the shky long flying against my Wild Weasels.

ooc: If he hates technology so much, why is he using M16s instead of crossbows, T-80s instead of horses, and MiG-29s at all? Bit of a hypocrite, eh?

OOC: Yeah it is hypocritical, but this isn't RL and I could have a little fun, right? For example, the name Amish Militant Wing is a paradox in itself isn't it?

OOC: Dude wouldn't have shit on the Michigan Milltia.

I dare your nation to move West of the Mississippi River. Your horses will not be a good resistance to my M1A2 Abrams and your Migs wont stay in the shky long flying against my Wild Weasels.

We have no interest west of the Mississippi. You will be spared from the Amish onslaught for now. (ooc: Yeah I know, it's lame but c'mon its only an Rp not Rl anyway.)

ooc: Whoose puppet is this? Own up now...

These are photos from occupied Lancaster.

OOC: (Note that I didn't make any of the pictures and that they were found over the interent.)

IC:

A lightly armed Amish scout buggy:
http://www.primalpics.com/photos/010000/0300/000275x_horse_and_buggy.jpg

An Amish Militant Wing reservist guarding a gas station in Lancaster, PA.
(NOTE: Anyone offended by language should NOT see the following pic)
http://www.dellanave.com/files/amish.jpg

An ICBM similar to one developed by the Amish. So far the Amish are rumored only to have one nuclear weapon.
http://www.globalsecurity.org/wmd/systems/images/titan1-icbm.jpg

And finally, a Pre-war photograph of a Hershey Bar conscript. Little did the conscript know that 2 months later he would be a soldier with the AMW on the 'Eastern Front'.
http://www.csb.yale.edu/people/steitz/berman/hershey-park.gif

Due to the shock of the attacks, the US military has been slow to respond. VERY, VERY slow ( Who would believe the Amish were attacking?)

Nevertheless, the Amish have been slowed down by locals and law enforcement.

Still, the AMW has made progress. On the 'eastern front' the AMW is outside of Harrisburg, the state's capital. Two whole counties are under their control: Lancaster and Lebanon. In Mahoning County, Ohio, the AMW is wiping up resistance. So far, casualities are light.

In other news, Amish saboteurs blew up a taxi and three mailboxes and graffitied on Capitol Hill in Washington D.C. No one was injured.

Official Statement from The Proletariat Commonwealth of The Island of Rose:

The Island of Rose hereby recognizes the state of the Amish Militant Wing. We support you in your fight for independence and is willing to donate weapons and supplies to your cause. Also, we request a future embassy with the following units guarding it:


-1 T-90 (Crew included)
-10 Humvees (Crew included)
-5 BMP-3s (Crew included)
-1 ROH-1 (Blackhawk Helicopter) (Crew included)
-100 Guards
-1 Ambassador (Bobby McRocken)

Do you accept?
Rosta Einvach
Rosian Minister of Foreign Affairs
http://www.fritz-bauer-institut.de/images/joschka_fischer.jpg

((OOC: Welcome to NS. Do not quit dammit! You are funny!!! Also, ignore those that threaten you, they just like being "tough" and "evil" :P))

OOC: Yeah it is hypocritical, but this isn't RL and I could have a little fun, right? For example, the name Amish Militant Wing is a paradox in itself isn't it?

Yeah. Go ahead. It's funny. Maybe we should RP together sometime. If I get an idea, I'll TG you.

Off the coast of Delaware:

The Parthian Atlantic Fleet was being prepared for an airstrike upon the Amish militants. On the fleet's Gullien class supredreadnought, Shah Khosru III, several tomahawk tubes were being prepared for launch. With the push of a button 30 tomahawk missiles tore out of the tubes and flew into the air towards Lancaster with warheads full of bomblets.

"Sir, these hipokrits in Pen. think they are going to take the American mianland. C.L. has already tould them to advance to thier borders, and I think we should make our possition in Virginia known." Generali to the Presidente James Conners said to the Presidente. "Tell them if they even walk on our end of the Alpallacians we'll declair war and end it quickly." Presidente Jewitt said before gaving a wave for the Generali to wave.

[OOC; For fun I dare you to invade Virginia (although the territory starts about 100 miles in West Virginia) and try to take on my military of millions, and if that don't stop you, I always got balistics, no nukes needed.]

Official Statement from The Proletariat Commonwealth of The Island of Rose:

The Island of Rose hereby recognizes the state of the Amish Militant Wing. We support you in your fight for independence and is willing to donate weapons and supplies to your cause. Also, we request a future embassy with the following units guarding it:

We, the AMW do accept, although before you accept you should be informed that we are under attack by one nation so far. Therefore, if you feel you do not want to start an international incident and want to recind your offer, that is fine.

We thank you for your support.

"Amish Dave"
Champion of the AMW

When the tomahawk missiles neared the town of Landcaster, they flew into the air and detonated over the city below, spreading cluster munitions over a large area. Buildings exploded into flame and people were torn to shreds as the explosions tore through the Amish territory.

Meanwhile back at Amish HQ:

(General) "Sir, CNN just reported that Lancaster has been bombed."

(Dave) "So?"

(General) "All except two missle hit their targets."

(Dave) "Really? Why?"

(General) "Some Patriot Missle systems the Americans deployed. Yeah the US is pretty pissed at the Parthians right now. Claiming all kinds of junk such like (sarcastic voice) 'Oh I'm US government and the Parthians just launched a surprise attack on US soil and blah blah blah'."

(Dave) "Wait so if they don't get that the Parthians are actually saving America instead of attacking it, then that means they don't know that we took over territory, right?"

(General) Yep.

(Dave) "F@#$%!* that means we still didn't get recognition from the US doesn't it?"

(General) "Yep. Don't worry it'll clear up soon."

(Dave) "Hope so."

(awkward silence)

(Dave) "That's nice. Any casualties?"

(General) " Yeah, lots."

(Dave) "What was hit?"

(General) "Like two hundred Hershey Bar conscripts and Amish troops, um, some horse buggies, um, a few houses, an orphanage, city hall, and lots of small businesses. You should have seen it! It was awesome! Cars flew everywhere. And there was this one car,it was so awesome it-"

(Dave) "-So nothing important?"

(General) "Not really. Except for some cows."

(Dave's face whitened.)

(Dave) "Which cows?"

(General) "I'm sorry man. Bessy's gone"

(Dave) "Not Bessy!"

(General) "I'm sorrry dude."

(Dave) "NOT BESSY!"

(General) "Yep"

(Dave) "Oh my God! Bessy I love you. Don't go damn it!"

(Dave bursts into tears)

(Dave) "Damn you Parthians! Damn you all!"

(Dave) "I'll get you for this! Mark my words! General dude, or whatever your name is! Lauch some cruise missles back damn it!"

(General) "Will do."

Over Pennsylvania:

Captian Piruz Taheri checked the insturment panel of his JSF. The bombs on board had been prepared for dispersal over the people below. To his sides he could see a pair of F-18s and F-35 JSFs. He was one of 45 JSFs and 60 F-18s making a raid upon Lancaster... hopefully he would live through it.

In the front, E-6 Intruders began to jam enemy radars before firing their HARM missiles, letting them fly directly into the source of a radar beam. with the HARM missiles fired, little could be done to stop the advance of the JSFs.

Over Pennsylvania:

Captian Piruz Taheri checked the insturment panel of his JSF. The bombs on board had been prepared for dispersal over the people below. To his sides he could see a pair of F-18s and F-35 JSFs. He was one of 45 JSFs and 60 F-18s making a raid upon Lancaster... hopefully he would live through it.

In the front, E-6 Intruders began to jam enemy radars before firing their HARM missiles, letting them fly directly into the source of a radar beam. with the HARM missiles fired, little could be done to stop the advance of the JSFs.

Meanwhile back at Amish HQ...

(General) "The Parthians are jamming the radars."

(Dave) "Nice."

(General) "They are sending in a whole swarm of planes probably."

(Dave) "Did you launch the cruise missles yet?"

(General) "About 10 of them at the drednaught."

(Dave) "Cool."

(General) " I know!"

(Dave) "They are still jamming our radar, right?

(General) "yep"

(Dave) "So jam them back! Jam everything! Every single radio, tv or any stupid damn signal in the air! Heck, block our's, as well! And then send up our EA-6B ICAP-II Prowlers to jam them back. Ah ha! How do you like them apples! Oh and get the flak guns out too. Make sure the Patriot systems are on also."

Meanwhile back at Amish HQ...

(General) "The Parthians are jamming the radars."

(Dave) "Nice."

(General) "They are sending in a whole swarm of planes probably."

(Dave) "Did you launch the cruise missles yet?"

(General) "About 10 of them at the drednaught."

(Dave) "Cool."

(General) " I know!"

(Dave) "They are still jamming our radar, right?

(General) "yep"

(Dave) "So jam them back! Jam everything! Every single radio, tv or any stupid damn signal in the air! Heck, block our's, as well! And then send up our EA-6B ICAP-II Prowlers to jam them back. Ah ha! How do you like them apples! Oh and get the flak guns out too. Make sure the Patriot systems are on also."

OOC: Your Patriot missiles won't work with no radar.

IC:

On the Shah Khosru III the attack alarms came up, "Red Alert, Red Alert, We are under attack, this is not a drill, I repeat, this is not a drill!" Anti-missile systems came online as the entire fleets' air defense network was activated for an attack on the tomahawk missiles. From each of the Ticonderoga class crusiers, missiles tore out of the launch tubes and flew off to hit the entire swarm.

OOC: Your Patriot missiles won't work with no radar.

IC:

On the Shah Khosru III the attack alarms came up, "Red Alert, Red Alert, We are under attack, this is not a drill, I repeat, this is not a drill!" Anti-missile systems came online as the entire fleets' air defense network was activated for an attack on the tomahawk missiles. From each of the Ticonderoga class crusiers, missiles tore out of the launch tubes and flew off to hit the entire swarm.

OOC: No system requiring any sort of signal period,whether yours or mine, will work at all. In other words your planes are flying without radio contact and radar, and so are mine. Hope your pilots know their destinations. The Patriot systems won't work but just in case the jamming stops they are ready. As for your fleet, they are too far away to be affected so they are okay.

IC:

(General) "Funny, 9 out of the 10 tomahawks are flying normally, but 1 is only 10 feet above the surface of the ocean."

(Dave)" They could try and hit that one, but it may be under their range. we'll see what'll happen. I don't know how much damage a tomahawk will do to the ship."

(General) "Your guess is as good as mine."

the Liberate Government demands you go strait to hell. Have a nice day

OOC: lol Nice thread :)

Somewhere over Northeastern USA a NR-46 DA Recon class momentarily loses control due to the pilot laughing.

The High Lord Alex Jones has decided that we will guard all nations that are attacked without a cause, and a stupid cause counts as one of the same...

OOC: if you are attacked, TG becuase my search thingie at the top dont work all that well

IC: Requested amount of men may be sent or less, it depends on how much i care about the nation.

OOC: Hmm, This seems like it would be fun(ny) to be a part of.

President Mooty sat at his desk, silently watching the News.

As a horse drawn carriage was blown into the air, the cute female reporter turned to the camera and told of the events,"As you are watching this LIVE footage of a Pathians Missile Strike against the Amish Militant Wing currently taking over Pennsylvania, all signals out of the country are being bl---." The signal from AMW's front lines stopped, and Mooty felt pretty aggravated.


"That reporter had a wonderful ass. I wonder what she'd think if she found out her own country is entering the war" Mooty said aloud.

"SIR!, YOU MUST BE JOKING!! WE'RE GOING TO SIDE WITH THOSE RAVING MAD AMISH PEOPLE!?!" one of Mooty's aides asked in disbelief.

"The Parthians killed one of our citizens, why shouldn't we? Besides, she had a nice ass. Isn't that enough reason?" Mooty debated.

"She didn't die, the signal was blocked, Sir" Mooty's aide interrupted Mooty.

"Prove it" Mooty said, picking up the phone to order mobilization of military force to AMW's frontlines to help, knowing DAMN well that his aide couldn't prove himself.

The plan to tell AMW that TWK was coming to their aide was pretty simple:

1. A C-130 Hercules Cargo Plane would carry a package containing a letter to the AMW's leaders telling them that TWK was on the way. The plane's pilots knew the exact location of the drop zone.

2. After the plane made the drop, TWK's forces would move in on The Parthian's Naval Forces and exterminate them.

3. 340 F-22s would be launched from 4 Nimitz Aircraft Carriers to take out airborne threats, while another Nimitz present would carry 40 B2 Spirit stealth bombers to commence bombing raids on any Parthian Ground Force with conventional bombs.

4. TWK would withdraw after most Parthian Forces were obliterated and allow AMW to continue their fight.

(OOC: This would not be my normal policy, but who cares? NS is a game, and games are meant to play to have fun and blow shit up!)

OOC: TIOR and I just struck a deal where Parthian forces will withdraw in return for a small monetary payment (2 cents) from TIOR.


IC:
All Parthian planes began to return to the carriers and the fleet began to turn for home.

Statement from the foreign ministry:
Though we are displeased that America has fallen into anarchy, we feel it is not in our best interests to defend them from the leddite hordes. As of such, we are recognizing the existence of the Amish state and wiring 200 million for reconstruction efforts.

ooc: tior, youre no fun... i was gonna obliterate him...okay, he prolly wouldve won, but SHHHH

OOC: TIOR and I just struck a deal where Parthian forces will withdraw in return for a small monetary payment (2 cents) from TIOR.


IC:
All Parthian planes began to return to the carriers and the fleet began to turn for home.

Statement from the foreign ministry:
Though we are displeased that America has fallen into anarchy, we feel it is not in our best interests to defend them from the leddite hordes. As of such, we are recognizing the existence of the Amish state and wiring 200 million for reconstruction efforts.

(General) It's been 48 hours. I think we could take off the jamming signals.

(Dave) Agreed.

5 minutes later...

(Dave) Holy ****! We actually have our independence! cool!

(General) Never thought that would happen!

(Dave) Hey I got these coupons in the Sunday Newspaper. Do you wanna go to Burger King and get a big mac for 99 cents?

(General) Sure.

(Dave) But remember to build statues for those who have saved our country. Bessy, the Amish and Hershey conscripts, TIOR, and of course, the leprechaun from the Lucky Charms cereal box.

Now that we have established a homeland, of the extreme east of Ohio and all of Pennsylvania, we could finally rest. If the US wants Philidelphia they could have it back, because we don't need it per se. We just need to know soon so we could start drawing our maps.