NationStates Jolt Archive

The U.D.D; or the Ultimate. Doomsday. Device.-
*Dramatic chord.*
-As it's also known as, is up for sale to cover the R&D costs of the rather
excessive Newbie Military. (That sounds wrong, somehow...)

The U.D.D is stored in a handy-dandy, handmade*
omnious black** box (2x4x6 dc).Which may only
be opened at the end of time.***

State of the art Fire & Forget technology,
this ingenious piece of engineering can and
will ,maybe, doom the entire multiverse.****

Any attempts to steal the Ultimate Doomsday Device (Patent Pending.) (thus elimenating any need to buy it, period.) Will automatically render your bid invalid.*****

Bids start at approx 100,000,000,000 Euro and
the only acceptable currency will be solid gold bars. ******

Installation and postal service costs not included.


*Not.
**Colours avaibale range from, Black to Jet, charcoal, dark, ebon, pitch, raven & soot.
***or with a unique 365-digit security code & a mandatory retinal, cerebral, vocal, bloodtype, fingerprint & proboscis [I] (IE: Nasal) scan. Which can be sucessfully entered using the Infernal Decrypterizer (19:90 SEK)
****No guarantee that the multiverse will be destroyed, doomed nor even dented. No guarantees at all.
*****Seriosly.
****** See above.

Newbia can not be held responsible for the use, misuse or even having inventing the Ultimate Doomsday Device<tm>, nor will they actually part with the danged thing seeing as it doesn't exist. Heck do you think we'd be as stupid as to give away a working doomsday device for that little? I mean, COME ON! - This message brought to you by Newbian Crazy Science & Research Dep, Box, Inc, whatevah.

http://www.pktheatre.com/The%20Tin%20Man.jpg
The TIN Mans seal of approval

Amusing enough to ean my seal. Well done.

OOC: LOL!!!

IC: Moleland is concerned that you would sell such a device on the open market. However, we wish to know how this device works?

OOC: Sorry, I have no idea what I was doing yesterday...
It was getting late and I had a catch to bus.

IC: Ah, that's simple. We're selling it on an open
market because it's the only item we know* will work.

And this is why we don't let accountants rule our country, kids.

And that's not all! To prevent any mishaps** due to
vague instructions, every unit*** comes with
a complete set of instructions printed on Jamaican
Hollybush paper, in 200 different languages****,
bold type. Which is packed along with the device.*****

But wait! There's more! Overbid by ten grand and we'll also throw in 20 years of illegal weapon research we've gained****** from our helpful allies (ie: Everyone) over the years!

So don't let your national gold reserves lie idle in their high-security vaults-of-indeterminable-location. Place a bid now!

*Well, maybe. It's not like we've actually tested the thing.
**You're kidding, right?
***Actually, The Unit. we've only got one.
****None of them English.
*****In the omnious damn nigh unlockable black box.
******Stolen

"Okay, this is getting way out of line. But then again, nobody will actually believe us. Right?" - Newbian PR Dep/Ops.

OOC: I think I just dodged the question... Oh well, maybe next time.

*flips a Praefeli at Newbia*

Highest bid so far...

What a great turn of fortune! Our millitary recently needed an outfit, and we haven't had a chance to purchace the neccecary equipment yet. Also of good fortune is that our national currency is in fact solid gold bars! It would appear that we are the perfectly suited country to purchace this wonderfully advertised piece of hardware. We'll take three*.

*or not

OOC: What the heck is a Praefeli?
Oh, and- Ô.o

IC_again:

Serious bidders only, people.*
But after some research** we've decided to lower the starting bid to 1.000.000 Euro in gold, seeing as the original price would weight approximately over tenthousand tons. And after some more calculations, approx 11 times more gold than has been mined in the history of man... whoops.***

And without further ado, or actually explaining what, exactly, the Ultimate Doomsday Device does. We hereby start the auction.

Which starts at the requested price of 1,000,000 Euro in solid Gold :pure: ****.
Do we have any takers?

*With a given value of serious.
**We paid someone else to do that research. So sue us. :P
***We suck at math...
****Specific shape of gold not a requirement.

OOC: A Praefeli is the Praetonian currency, and is worth almost 2 US $ (nseconomy.thirdgeek.com?nation=Praetonia). It contains its worth mainly in gold, as well as less valueable metals which give the coin its 'bulk'.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v387/Praetonia/Praefeli.jpg

OOC:OIC: Well then. You can atleast afford the Infernal Decrypterizer required to open the Omnious Black Box in which the U.D.D maybe is stored in. *another dramatic chord*

Bids are open until the end of next week. Be sure to place them at the very last moment to avoid professional E-bay snipers. (IE: Guy who puts down his bid at the very-very-last-moment.) ^^

-Newbia's Departement of Trade-

Incident In Newbie Land.

"Due to some trouble brewing amongst various terrorist organisations, unions, evil geniuses, criminal masterminds, the mafiá, n00bs, fundamentalists, psychos, smurfs, rebel factions and enviromental groups. The auctioning of the U.D.D has been postponed until further notice."
-Heads of Commerce & PR-

"Nice work! You didn't even mention that the blasted thing was stolen right from under our noses!"
-King Newbhart IX-

">_<;"
-HoC & PR-