Roach-Busters
11-11-2004, 17:48
Roach-Busters National News Network
"Hello, friends, this is Walter Krankheit reporting. Today in RB, scientists made a breath-taking, breakthrough discovery that is sure to take the world by storm. Liberalism, a disease which afflicts millions, has been incurable for many years, and has been a rampant worldwide pandemic claiming millions of new victims every year. Symptoms of the disease are leftist thought, big government-philia, pro-socialism, etc. In spite of the efforts of non-profit organizations such as Liberals Anonymous, no one has ever been able to stem the flow of this deadly disease. Today, however, scientists have discovered the source and the cure. Liberalism is caused by chemical imbalances which prevent logitonin- the enzyme responsible for rational thinking- from reaching the brain, hence causing the symptoms. To solve this problem, scientists have spent hours of painstaking research developing a new pill, called Conservital, which is taken in 50 mg doses, twice a day, and causes immediate relief of symptoms. Conservital is non-habit forming, but treatment is lifelong. Withdrawal symptoms include resurgence of liberalism, possibly even worse than before the treatment. Conservital is not for everyone. Those with liver or kidney problems should consult their physicians before taking this drug. As it has not yet been tested on pregnant women or women who are breastfeeding, the side effects on infants are not known. Conservital is expected to hit all major stores next Friday, and millions are eagerly camping outside the stores so they can purchase the drug immediately upon its arrival. This has been Walter Krankheit of RBNNN, thank you, and good night."
"Hello, friends, this is Walter Krankheit reporting. Today in RB, scientists made a breath-taking, breakthrough discovery that is sure to take the world by storm. Liberalism, a disease which afflicts millions, has been incurable for many years, and has been a rampant worldwide pandemic claiming millions of new victims every year. Symptoms of the disease are leftist thought, big government-philia, pro-socialism, etc. In spite of the efforts of non-profit organizations such as Liberals Anonymous, no one has ever been able to stem the flow of this deadly disease. Today, however, scientists have discovered the source and the cure. Liberalism is caused by chemical imbalances which prevent logitonin- the enzyme responsible for rational thinking- from reaching the brain, hence causing the symptoms. To solve this problem, scientists have spent hours of painstaking research developing a new pill, called Conservital, which is taken in 50 mg doses, twice a day, and causes immediate relief of symptoms. Conservital is non-habit forming, but treatment is lifelong. Withdrawal symptoms include resurgence of liberalism, possibly even worse than before the treatment. Conservital is not for everyone. Those with liver or kidney problems should consult their physicians before taking this drug. As it has not yet been tested on pregnant women or women who are breastfeeding, the side effects on infants are not known. Conservital is expected to hit all major stores next Friday, and millions are eagerly camping outside the stores so they can purchase the drug immediately upon its arrival. This has been Walter Krankheit of RBNNN, thank you, and good night."