NationStates Jolt Archive

-South Chellian Ocean, 170 miles from coast of chellis-

Captain Sewold stood on top of a platform on Plateau A. Next to him was a large slanting wall; It cast the whole plateau in shade. Sewold held a glass of champagne. He threw his hand out toward the small audience, mostly workers and news reporters. He then smashed the glass against the side of the wall, the glass shattering. "The Great Funnel of Chellis has now been completed!"

The rim of the funnel was 5 miles by 5 miles. The hole at the bottom was one-foot in diameter. At the bottom of the hole, lay a mini power generator. Rainfall would collect in the giant opening, and would act as a mini waterfall. While the power wouldn't give much, it would cover the power needed to create the generator itself, and some of the funnel. A slight refund.

Chellis is confident this is the worlds largest man-made funnel. When asked why it was made, Chellian officials stated "The president felt a bit small, down there...We wanted a largest in the world...too."

Helicopter tours for $180 a person.

Ab-shalom and Greetings;

We would like permission to put this on the list of portage points and excursion destinations of Vastivan Cruise Lines.

Namaste,
Voyate Shumash ben Allen
Vizier of Commerce
Humble Servant of His Magnificence, the Sultan of Vastiva

-South Chellian Ocean, 170 miles from coast of chellis-

Captain Sewold stood on top of a platform on Plateau A. Next to him was a large slanting wall; It cast the whole plateau in shade. Sewold held a glass of champagne. He threw his hand out toward the small audience, mostly workers and news reporters. He then smashed the glass against the side of the wall, the glass shattering. "The Great Funnel of Chellis has now been completed!"

The rim of the funnel was 5 miles by 5 miles. The hole at the bottom was one-foot in diameter. At the bottom of the hole, lay a mini power generator. Rainfall would collect in the giant opening, and would act as a mini waterfall. While the power wouldn't give much, it would cover the power needed to create the generator itself, and some of the funnel. A slight refund.

Chellis is confident this is the worlds largest man-made funnel. When asked why it was made, Chellian officials stated "The president felt a bit small, down there...We wanted a largest in the world...too."

OOC: One word for this = Bizarre :D

Ab-shalom and Greetings;

We would like permission to put this on the list of portage points and excursion destinations of Vastivan Cruise Lines.

Namaste,
Voyate Shumash ben Allen
Vizier of Commerce
Humble Servant of His Magnificence, the Sultan of Vastiva

We would be honored for Vastiva to do so. We have a decent dock next to Plateau B, and the funnel area is planned to act as a sort of communion point for trade, etc, before reaching chellis.

OOC: One word for this = Bizarre :D

OOC: Exactly

---Radio Dorsalgrad Morning Transmission---
Good morning Comrades of Hogsweat, this is Violi Vilitov of Radio Dorsalgrad speaking to you on this fine Hogsweatian morning. Today in our news, we have discovered the Capitalist Chellisian's have built a giant funnel in their nation. We condemn this act - the amount of money used to make such a construct is huge, and they have squandered it all so their oppressors can bring in more money for their evil Corporations! Be thankful you live in Hogsweat, a nation where your government cares for its people and not its economic progress. Next up in the news, more of our glorious pilots deliver patrols throughout...

OOC- last bit had nothing to do with you. The patrols bit.

/me diverts KH-22 spy sat to observe the area

---Radio Dorsalgrad Morning Transmission---
Good morning Comrades of Hogsweat, this is Violi Vilitov of Radio Dorsalgrad speaking to you on this fine Hogsweatian morning. Today in our news, we have discovered the Capitalist Chellisian's have built a giant funnel in their nation. We condemn this act - the amount of money used to make such a construct is huge, and they have squandered it all so their oppressors can bring in more money for their evil Corporations! Be thankful you live in Hogsweat, a nation where your government cares for its people and not its economic progress. Next up in the news, more of our glorious pilots deliver patrols throughout...

OOC- last bit had nothing to do with you. The patrols bit.

Chellis is appauled at this radio transmission! The plural for chellis is Chellian, we would kindly ask that in the future, such a thing is adhered to.

OOC: Good deal and all that then

OOC: One word for this = Bizarre :D

OOC: Indeed.

IC:

The United Imperium of Crossman applauds Chellis... on their, um... funnel.

Slaytanicca scorns your funnel. We shall henceforth build a funnel so vast, so impressive, that it shall...

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We sincerely apologise for the previous comment; our delegate for your region is having a rather bad week, and bought some really dodgy drugs no-one else will touch. Our nation in no way wishes to contend your... um, funnel-building supremacy.

However we shall build a funnel five miles and one centimetre by five miles and one centimetre. We will keep you posted.

Cassius read the small dispatch brought in by one of the Godulan trader ships, having nothing better to do.

"Five by five, huh? Why couldn't they just say 2.5 mile radius? Saaaaaay, this seems oddly familiar..."

He rifled through some of the Dimensional Exploration reports sitting on his desk, opening a folder reading "Discovered World Phenotypes"

"Lets see... spindle... bowl... ring... moebius strip... comb... ribbon... AH! Funnel! five thousand six hundred and forty-three mile radius, twenty mile center hole... supporting physics behind odd worldshape: No Fuggin' Clue. Casualties to Super-Strong Teddy Bears: Two."

Cassius leaned back in his chair and chuckled to himself. "Nah, I won't tell 'em... it'd break their heart after all the work they did..."

2 members of Phoenix Milita World News Channel 69 would like to take the helicopter tour and conduct interviews. We are prepared to pay the 180$ per personn :)

"They ought to have built the world's most Chellian funnel, then they'd not have to worry about somebody building one slightly more so." Mused one old Al Khali as he watched the news with his friends at a road-side cafe in Tkrat.

"But nobody would have cared, either." Said another.

"Hmph. We should build the world's most Al Khali funnel!" Said a third man. "It wouldn't have to be so big."

"Why? We're already having the world's most Al Khali conversation, let us be happy with that!" Said the first.

2 members of Phoenix Milita World News Channel 69 would like to take the helicopter tour and conduct interviews. We are prepared to pay the 180$ per personn :)

We will gladly accept your news members. Arrangements will be made at Plateau C for a helicopter flight on a H-11 Helicopter, a four man helicopter.

(excerpted from VNN channel 722 broadcast)

...the elephant is still at large.

Postcards of the Chellian Funnel have flooded the VN Post Office. More then two hundred and sixty million postcards have been sent from tourists viewing the funnel from Chellis to Vastiva. The VN Postal fleet is hard pressed to carry the bulk mail, but insists regular deliveries will not be slowed by the snow of funnels.

Discussion of a stamp focused on the funnel has been rumored.

In other news, the Clown Rapist, Bonjo, has been...