NationStates Jolt Archive

OOC: This doesn't actually happen until tomorrow, or if luck is against me, the day after, but I shouldn't be able to post tomorrow, so I posted this just now. Don't take it too seriously.

Nov. 9th Edit - This thread is open...and has become Uberstock! Come and join before Abraham Lincoln smites Godzilla!

Nov. 5 -

Today marks a special occasion in Zoogiedom's long and storied history; the population of Zoogiedom has reached the significant mark of two billion. In a speech given to commemorate this event, President Hanelis was said to have declared, "Two billion! W00t."

There is certainly cause for rejoice; for today Zoogiedom joins the esteemed ranks of the '2bil+' club; meaning that all those puny 1.9 bil nations shall now bow down and fear us.

Zoogiedom's population has exploded over the past eighty years; and now is eagerly looking to its next population benchmark. There was indeed much rejoicing in the streets, and to those littler nations we say most haughtily, Abite nunc aut vos iterum ridebo!

(Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a...)

Tonight was probably one of the biggest party nights within Euroslavia. Millions upon millions of people, of all different descent, went out to the club, and partied til the break of dawn. There was one specific place called, Tsunami, that was very popular. The club was more than full. You could barely move, without hitting someone else.

There was a breaking news alert on one of the television screens, announcing that the population of The Zoogie People was going to hit 2 billion. Everyone got quiet, and listened to the news anchor speak. There was one man in there that happened to be of Zoogie descent. At once, after the announcement came forth, he shouted, "OMG ZOOGIE PEOPLE ROCK!" At that point, 5 big, fat, and severely ugly people cornered him, beat him up, and threw him into a trash can, where a prostitute, who received a drink from one of the bikers, then threw the glass bottle into the trash, hoping that it would hit him.


OOC: Thought I'd add something special for ya ;)

My, my, I remember the one billion celebration. Let me be the second to congratulate you!

Fruit basket attached.

http://templesflorist.com/TF191-3%20-%20Cheese,%20Crackers%20&%20Fruit%20Basket.jpg

Who cares about numbers?

:rolleyes:

Who cares about numbers?

:rolleyes:


Don't take this too seriously.

Read.

[ooc] Numbers are awesome, man.

[ic]

The President flushed. "Aw, thanks, guys. I appreciate it. I really do. Thank you, Burnsian. I've always regarded your nation as either neutral or an enemy, but your fruit basket shall forever adorn the throne room. And thank you, Euroslavia, for soundly beating that man. We don't care for people who don't use their twelve-inch indoor voices."

Hang on, I'm trying to think of something witty to say, but...ah, forget it :P

Read.



I did but don't you think there is enough threads about "omg my pop is *insert number*!!!!!!!!" or "My nation could kick your ass anyday I'm bigger!!!"

:rolleyes:

Yeah, I think we all make one when we reach population marks.

[ic]

A Euroslavian man was mercilessly beaten today for no particular reason. 'I think Euroslavians are silly,' said a random passer-by. :P

[thanks Euro.]

I did but don't you think there is enough threads about "omg my pop is *insert number*!!!!!!!!" or "My nation could kick your ass anyday I'm bigger!!!"

:rolleyes:

It was a joke dude. He didn't seriously mean it like that.

OOC; I did not have a 1 mil party (which should have happened a week ago from this very day!) but at 1.2 bil, I will. As to Zoogie, congrats!

IC:
People crowd the streets as a long ally of the United Pysiers reaches one of the greatest landmarks, the 2 million civilian count. Many grant for joy yelling "We're next world!" and "Two is always better than one and a nineth!"

OOC:
Like?

*waves flag* Yay

A Euroslavian man was mercilessly beaten today for no particular reason. 'I think Euroslavians are silly,' said a random passer-by. :P

[thanks Euro.]


[ic]
Official Response from Euroslavia
"I'm sure he deserved it one way or another."

May President J.L. attend?

Two indeed pawns 1 and a 9th. Truitt, your sig gets better and better. :lol:

President J.L. is certainly welcome; we have no guarantees, however, that he will not have an egg dripping from his head. Celebrations can get rowdy, but he doesn't need security, he won't get killed. A flesh wound, perhaps...

Euroslavia - Yeah. Tell us when you hit three billion if you haven't yet. We'll send over a few guys for you to beat up then. As long as we get one of yours, preferably in a bar.

President J.L. walked into the party room. Like a homing missile, an ovular, white egg whizzed across the room at breakneck speed, directly toward his face. Before he could evade it, it splattered open in his hair, and viscous, yellow, runny yolk ran down his face.

If permission is granted, we will be sending 2 Billion red balloons to The Zoogie People. Congratulations on this milestone.

Defense minister Dredon jumped triumphantly on a random table, shouting, 'Yeah! Zoogiedom technology is uber-l337!'

He stopped momentarily, to receive the secure connection with the former Soviet mafia. He paused, a perplexed look on his face as he listened to their proposal; this soon changed to one of utter delight. 'You know,' he said, 'Under normal situations I'd be more worried about getting anything in large quantities from former mafias, but why not? Come join the party.'

He secretly began to plot a brutal, coordinated airstrike of President J.L. of Roach-Busters with the said red balloons. He closed the connection, and was promptly smacked in the face by an egg.

From behind Dreden sneaked President J.L.'s bodyguard. He took aim, and pelted Dreden with a balloon filled with chocolate syrup.

We congratulate our ally Zoogiedom on their achievement of such a great feat.

Empress of Eldanor
Laurelin Almaresáre

Dredon was white and shaking. He pointed a trembling finger at the bodyguard and cried, 'Chocolate syrup! This is the last straw! I shall sit here and cry until the red balloon arrive!'

Out of no where Presidente Fonzi Jewitt runs up to everyone and fires at them with an automatic CO2-powered potato gun and hits everyone in the head. Before he is hit with ballons or eggs he takes cover with five other cabinet members, all armed with potato and cheese guns.

Dredon was white and shaking. He pointed a trembling finger at the bodyguard and cried, 'Chocolate syrup! This is the last straw! I shall sit here and cry until the red balloon arrive!'

"Oh yeah? In the meantime, have a taste ot this!"

The guard dumped a big bowl of maple syrup on the front of Dredon's pants.

Out of no where Presidente Fonzi Jewitt runs up to everyone and fires at them with an automatic CO2-powered potato gun and hits everyone in the head. Before he is hit with ballons or eggs he takes cover with five other cabinet members, all armed with potato and cheese guns.

"Damn!" J.L. muttered, wiping himself off. He ran over to Jewitt and threw a cherry pie in his face.

Then President-General Craig flies in on his super-carpet with his |_|b3r-hamst3rzorz cannon and fires a hamster in Fonzi's mouth!!!!!!!!!! Owned

First from the ceiling descended a half-translucent figure cloaked in black, who cried, 'Godmodder!' and pulled out the figurative sword of DEAT and proceeded to whack Fonzi, and eat potatoes.

Dredon stared back, bulges popping out of his head. 'If it would not look incredibly wrong, I would have licked that off of my pants. What a shameless waste of maple syrup!'

At this moment, President Hanelis stepped in on the scene, holding a basket of assorted fruits. 'Gentlemen! Stop this nonsense at once!' he declared. 'What a profane waste of food!' He paused, looking at the newly arrived Burnsian delegate. 'Dude, superheroes are so, so, 1999.'

"You liberal douche..." Jewitt said pulling out a large butterfinger cannon and blasting it in J.L.'s face

"Godmodder?" He said looking around. "Ohh well, your liberal too, big words!" he aimed the Butterfinger Cannon at the mysterious man and firred huge blasts of peanutbuttery goodness at the man "MUHAHAHAHA" He yelled

(Sorry for double post, didn't notice yeah)

Official Statement from The Proletariat Commonwealth of The Island of Rose:

You're celebrating because your people are hornier then my people. You know what? We have the better woman damn it! Expect an air strike involving a large egg in three... two... one... hey, I just hit Prime Minister! Booyah! Damn right! Damn right...
-President Sergei Ilyanov of The Island of Rose
http://img106.exs.cx/img106/8470/PresidentSergei.jpg

((OOC: Boris is now President Sergei :P))

Then President-General Craig flies in on his super-carpet with his |_|b3r-hamst3rzorz cannon and fires a hamster in Fonzi's mouth!!!!!!!!!! Owned

President J.L. took two plastic knives, one covered in peanut butter, the other covered in jelly. With the knives, he began spreading the peanut butter and jelly across President-General Craig's face.

"You liberal douche..." Jewitt said pulling out a large butterfinger cannon and blasting it in J.L.'s face

"Delicious!" J.L. said, licking himself off. "I'm no liberal, though. I'm as conservative as they come! EAT THIS!!!!" He whipped out a machine-gun filled with marshmallows and a huge vat of syrup. He poured the syrup all over Jewitt and began firing marshmallows at him.

"OH MY GOD THE BUTTERY GOODNESS!!!!111" he screamed and fired uber-hamsters into the air, hitting the mysterious man and Jewitt

There was a large barrel in the back of the room. It began to shake. Suddenly, it exploded, and thousands of miniature people two inches tall, wearing bikinis, jumped out and began flying everywhere. "ZOOGIES!!!!!!" they shouted, and began pelting everyone with miniature eggs.

Being a psyco maniac and hamster-a-phobic (just saying it for an excuse) he sends a large Ham Sandwitch Bomb, capable of destroying up to 5,000 square miles, straight at the party before using his Transporter Beacon. "Truittis are the horny ones, not Zoogies!" and then he disappears.

Yay 2 Billion :)

*Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadu - Secretary of Partying Down* grabs several large boxes and begins to throw 2 billion batman action figures at the Zoogiedom border*

President J.L. walked over to the Zoogie President with a spray can of whipped cream. He began spraying the President's face.

The minute I looked at the forums and say 'The Island of Rose' marked on my thread, I rolled my eyes and thought, 'Oh, dear...' On that note, let's try to keep this fresh and worthy of reading. The food wars were good, but after two pages of it...

I think I need Generic Empire's help. His conferences are always awesome.

IC

To the Island of Rose:

Who're you calling horny? Are our naval vessels adorned with hentai? Didn't think so. And, ah...psst. We don't, ah, have a prime minister.

President Hanelis.

Meanwhile, a waiter knocked on the door of President Sergei's room. 'Your tea, sir,' the waiter said in his most french accent possible. He walked towards the President carrying the covered dinner tray as poised and dignified-ly as waiter-ly possible, opened the cover, picked up the bowl of cranberry sauce, and in one graceful, flourishing movement dunked it verily upon his head.

Meanwhile, at the Zoogie border...sailors onboard a coast guard vessel cruising the borders of the island nation watched in agony as batman figures poured uselessly into the sea. Some tried to reach and grab them; others abandoned ship in a mad dash to rescue them before they sunk.

Shortly thereafter, the head of the coast guard gave an announcement regarding the worst blotch in Zoogiedom coastguard history. 'I'm sorry the coast guard did not give any indication of existence today, I truly am. I am calling for a coordinated effort to retrieve the action figures immediately.'

OOC: This thread is flying fast. Wow.

There was a large barrel in the back of the room. It began to shake. Suddenly, it exploded, and thousands of miniature people two inches tall, wearing bikinis, jumped out and began flying everywhere. "ZOOGIES!!!!!!" they shouted, and began pelting everyone with miniature eggs.

The miniature human-like things began swarming the Zoogie President in droves, bombarding him with kisses. Unable to distinguish between male and female, they repeatedly chirped in very soft, squeaky voices, "Feed us, Mommy, feed us, Mommy, feed us, Mommy!"

bump

'Aargh!' the President cried, trying to wrench himself free from their griphold. 'Have you people no dignity?'

Two minutes later, he privately concluded that they, in fact, did not.

[Thanks Pacitalia. A normal post, at last :)]

Congratulations on reaching such an important milestone.

"We want food, Mommy, not dignity!" they chirped.


Suddenly, two incredibly and enormously obese men who looked like Moby Dick walked in. They wore black executioner masks, white loin cloths, and no shirts. They wore one pink sock and one purple sock. They had very hairy stomachs and were carrying flame-throwers. "Want us to take care of the problem, sir?" they asked the President.

It was too quiet. A naked, two-headed lawyer with dweeby glasses walked in. "Where the hell is everybody?" he shouted.

President Hanelis seriously considered it; then he realized that slaughtering poor, harmless, defenseless massess of tiny people was against his morals. Then, there was that alluring vision of himself jumping up and down happily, a manical look of joy on his face, pointing and laughing as the little suckers were consumed by the fire....the fire...the FIRE!!

But no, he repressed the thought, shook his head, and in exasperation said, 'No, thank you, just feed them.'

Of naked two-headed lawyers

The defense minister returned holding a red balloon. 'Good god, man!' he cried, gazing upon the two-headed lawyer. 'Cover your private parts!' He handed him the balloon.

Errrr.....congratulations are in order.

Though we do suggest our erstwhile ally do a bit of housecleaning and rid himself of a few of those pesky two-headed lawyers.

They scream like sin when their bar fees go up.

Good luck, hope the overcrowding doesn't screw you over, and look out for communicable diseases in your croweded apartment blocks!

http://img94.exs.cx/img94/2290/Clipboard12.jpg
Minister X, Leader of Samtonian Council of Thirteen

President Hanelis seriously considered it; then he realized that slaughtering poor, harmless, defenseless massess of tiny people was against his morals. Then, there was that alluring vision of himself jumping up and down happily, a manical look of joy on his face, pointing and laughing as the little suckers were consumed by the fire....the fire...the FIRE!!

But no, he repressed the thought, shook his head, and in exasperation said, 'No, thank you, just feed them.'

Of naked two-headed lawyers

The defense minister returned holding a red balloon. 'Good god, man!' he cried, gazing upon the two-headed lawyer. 'Cover your private parts!' He handed him the balloon.

The lawyer reluctantly accepted the balloon. However, as soon as he grabbed it, red lights began flashing and flickering across the ceiling as alarms went off. Ten gorillas ran in, grabbed the lawyer, and dragged him out of the room. Ten seconds later, one of the gorillas returned, rushed over to President Hanelis, kissed him on the cheek, then grabbed a machete, chopped off its own head, and ran out of the room, carrying its head in its hands.

A hairy woman wearing a bikini walked in. "Meh," she said, and left.

(Yes, I'm bored.)

bump

(combined posts)

'What an eccentric performance,' noted the defense minister.

At this point the vice president walked in, cradling in his arms his pet, Wabbit, who was sound asleep and purring sweetly.

'Shh-shhh...' he said, and a hush fell over the crowd. One of the few moments of silence that day. 'Don't wake her, she's sleeping...'

http://home.ripway.com/2004-1/54396/5th_element_cat.gif

Samtonia

Minister X, how remarkably similar you are in appearance to Wabbit. Points taken; would you join us?

---

The defense minister leaned towards the foreign minister and mouthed, 'I thought Martha Stewart was still in jail.'

OOC; OOC: People, go to my thread in the spam forum for this, we don't want this locked.

http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=7407897#post7407897
You can pick up where you left off if you want

IC:

Jewitt looks over at the hairy woman. "Martha, is that you? Ms. Stuart, I am your biggest fan!" he runs at the hairy woman with a sharp pen and potato-juice stainned paper.

A drunken derelict stumbles into the room wearing a stovepipe hat. He carries a bottle of cheap wine in one hand, and a miniature Generian flag in the other. The derelict drains the cheap wine, waves the flag, smokes a cigarette and passes out.

A drunken derelict stumbles into the room wearing a stovepipe hat. He carries a bottle of cheap wine in one hand, and a miniature Generian flag in the other. The derelict drains the cheap wine, waves the flag, smokes a cigarette and passes out.

Presidente Jewitt looked at the man. "Wow, Sixth grade all over agian." He shoock his head and took the bottle. He walked up to Minister X, slaps him, and then breaks the bottle on his head.

'Good lord,' said President Hanelis, still recovering from the brutal abuse he had received from a gorilla not long ago. 'Emperor Antonius, is that you?'

He promptly had his aides pour boiling water over his head to revive him.

Meanwhile, the Education Minister rushed out of the room to follow the headless gorilla. 'This is most fascinating!' he exclaimed. 'I wonder how the circulatory system works supposing that he is lacking a central nervous - '

Thus he mumbled as he ran out.

'Good lord,' said President Hanelis, still recovering from the brutal abuse he had received from a gorilla not long ago. 'Emperor Antonius, is that you?'

He promptly had his aides pour boiling water over his head.

The Emperor, startled to life by the boiling water leaps to his feet, and proceeds to play a rocking guitar solo, as he is apt to do when startled to life by boiling water.

WE LANCHXZORS A NUKES A JOOOOO MAKING YOUR POULATUON ONLY 3 PEOPLES HAHAHA. WE OWNED JOOS!!!!!



OOC: lol only joking. I figure some one would try to nuke your nation so i did it in the most moobish way possible :p Anyways congrats on your population count

Zackaroth, no problem. Feel free to join in. Sometime tomorrow I'll go analyze how an innocent two billion notice turned into...

IC

The music stirred most of the delegates present to dance in various absurd ways. The President himself tries to break dance, but fails miserably.

Meanwhile, in the commotion, the Vice President's pet cat was stirred, and Wabbit's eyes slowly opened to the ceaseless noise. Her demeanor changed at once, and with the fury of a tiger she lept from his arms and attacked nobody in particular.

Presidente Jewitt himself being in the rock band Aluminum Tide, cut in with his three other band members and began playing random songs and rages, with his raspy made-voice yelling curces and random words and phrases.

somewhere in another nation.

Peter Griffen is shown in a workout place.

Peter: Am- am i suppose to lift this with my penis??


(( this random moment was brought to by anthrax-os. the ceral thats so whitley fun))

Suddenly, the roof of the building is ripped straight off by the hand of God. A beam of white light shines down, and Thor the Thundergod descends. A volcano erupts nearby, and a great black shape appears. The shape advances, and it becomes clear that it is Godzilla. The ground begins to shake, and a great crevice divides the land in half. Abraham Lincoln rides forth on a wave of fire. From somewhere unimportant a giant robot appears. The four then proceed to do epic battle.

Uberstock IV has begun.

The Heavy metal Concert was well underway when all went quiet for Aluminum Tide's longest song, "Suck it in Liberals," with a blareing intro by the drums and bagpipe, followed by a big rage of lead and bass guitar.

As the lyrics began, everyone starts to get offended for some unknown reason.

Zackaroth, as this is a public forum with many virgin eyes and ears about, please don't post anything...objectionable. :)

IC

The President walked right up to his Truitti counter-part and slapped him with a white glove. 'You know what you are? You're a punk, is what you are!'

Then he was struck by a blazing light, and gazed up, trembling, to see the hand of god lifting the roof, and Thor descending from the heavens. He looks to the right and sees a volcano spring spontaneously out of the ground and shower lava all around (but strangely not in) the room, and gasped as Godzilla stepped out of the ashes. Then he was knocked to the floor as a great chasm split through the ground itself, and fire burst worth as Abraham Lincoln arose. He gazed around and said, 'W00t!'

Suddenly, the music stops. A plume of red smoke appears, and the ground opens up. The figure standing in the smoke is none other than Bon Scott himself. He begins playing a raucous bagpipe solo, and is soon joined by Angus Young and AC/DC, whereupon Uberstock officially begins with "High Voltage."

All four band members stopped thier rageing and with Fonzi's eyes red and ferious, they called over Lincon. With a few whispers, they turn to him and yell "Super Conserals, Unite!" and out of no where they all became one massive human body of a mexican, irishman, italian, founding father, and a radical. They hit the man with thier pinky and yelled in unison "French girly-man!"

They then break, and Fonzi grabs the microphone and yells "Thank you ladies and gents, good night!"

OOC: I'm out, lates people, been fun having a food fight then concert-world power rockdown (Lincon is a world power, no matyter what anyone says!)

'Wait a minute,' said the foreign minister. 'The show's just begun.' He dragged Fonzi back and forced him to stay, come heaven, hell, or high water.

Sweet tears flowed down President Hanelis' face as he gazed upon the four towering figures and the musical array in front of him. 'Uberstock IV! What an honor!'

From the sky descended the Cherub,

http://www.nationstates.net/images/flags/uploads/the_wondrous_cherubs.jpg

who gazed upon Uberstock and rejoiced.

This is the greatest roleplay I've ever been in. Thank you all...I'll be out tomorrow, most likely, so follow Generic Empire's lead. Have fun, enjoy Uberstock IV, and save some for me.

Thor broke from doing epic battle, and took a moment to gaze over Uberstock IV, and he saw that it was good. Then, his majestic voice booming over the land, he spoke.

"I hereby declare this Valhalla."

A horde of vikings then appeared over the hills, and began raiding, pillaging, and carrying off women in a generally jovial fashion. Of course, as was the spirit of Uberstock, the women consented to being carried off.

bump

==Document not worth the paper it is written on==
==Absolutely neither urgent nor classified==

The Dominion wishes to congratulate its allies in Zoogiedom on this wonderful milestone. Two billion is something to be proud of. We wish continued prosperity for the Zoogie People, and hope their rabbits...err... vermin... err... wonderful human populace multiply more rapidly and get to the 3, even 4 billion milestones.

Live long and prosper!


http://home.graffiti.net/greenmanbry:graffiti.net/greenmanbry/barney.png

Minister Barney bin Satan
Department of Diplomatic Thingies and Celebrations

bump? :(

((OOC: Wow, I nearly forgot about this.))

As AC/DC finished their set, the drunken derelict from before stood up, and began playing a second rockin guitar solo. It then became apparant that this derelict was not Emperor Antonius at all, but Slash himself. G'N'R appeared onstage, and Thor continued to do battle with Abraham Lincoln, Godzilla, and the Giant Robot.

Suddenly, there was a great rumbling that shook the land. Over the hills came the entire population of the Generic Empire. They began to rock and interbreed with everyone at Uberstock.

"Barney bin Satan, good sir, as you are the minister of things diplomatical and celebratory, we insist that you come and join Uberstock. Have at thee!"

At the conclusion of this dialogue the defense minister (earing a viking helmet for no apparent reason) inexplicably appeared in front of Barney bin Satan and, weilding hordes of red balloons in each hand, threw them at the Greenmanbry leader. The balloons, being filled with hydrogen, floated up to the ceiling.

Meanwhile, back home, the call to duty was heard across the land, and the entire populace of Zoogiedom gathered so that Generia would not have the heavy task alone. And the Cherub pleased himself by watching epic battle, and was glad.

Barney bin Satan was astounded by the wonderful display of balloons.. He immediately grabbed the defense minister, hugged him, and got on his BarneyOne, flying at Mach 9999999999x19^99999999 to Zoogiedom..

Once they got there, Barney screamed out loud in his satanic singing voice:

"I hate you
You hate me
We're a sadistic family
With a great big gun and a stab from me to you
Won't you say you're scared of me too?"

Barney bin Satan then exploded for no apparent reason.

He respawned in Greenmanbry, boarded the transport, and the vicious cycle continued over.. and over.. and over.. and over again.

:D

For the forty-fifth time that day (he'd counted), the president watched as Barney appeared. Before he could deliver his bi-minute-ly oration, the president grabbed hold of him and said, 'Now, now, Barney, you must stop this respawning business! Watch the show!'

Whereupon two rather strange events occured. A Colosseum sprang in the midst of the great chasm that had split up the party room and gave rise to the tide of fire that had born Abraham Lincoln, and several dozen Roman gladiators poured out from nowhere in particular, weilding their mighty (and rather short) gladii, and causing general bloodshed.

Elsewhere Simon and Garfunkel materialized, the latter of whom frightened many a fearless viking with his chia tree of hair. He began by claiming he was an inanimate stone.

In honor of The Zoogie People reaching 2 billion Lashuga has sent the Lashugan Bikini Volleyball team to congratulate the president of The zoogie people with a "slumber party".

The president laid in his bed tossing and turning. In his dreams Freddy Kruger had jumped in the middle of the craziest [you can guess what word goes here] in the history of horny with zoogiedom's first lady. Freddy Kruger killed the first lady and then with his pointy fingers and sliced off the presidents p****. He woke up in a cold sweat.

"Damned The Zoogie people, they get Freddy when they hit 2 billion. All I have is Mike Meyers*."

*The serial killer not the comedian

The President was aghast at the public display of utter lack of morality and basic decency by the scantily clad volleyball team. He burned inside with anger, remembering the year before when the Lashugans knocked Zoogiedom out of the final round of the regional volleyball finals to take the championship.

At last, he did the sensible thing, and jumping on top of a random table, he decreed, 'Let there be a volleyball match!'

The more properly clad Zoogiedom volleyball team materialized, vengeance burning in their eyes, and a net spontaneously sprung from the ground. A beach replaced the firely, charred ruins under the volcano godzilla had emerged from, and blue skies reigned, at least over the area that was the volleyball arena.

The match began.

Lashuga...see me about the second part of the thing. I did say 'if it's your president.' :)

At last the gladiator match was over, as the last two gladiators, tearing off each others limbs, failed to notice their own predicament and bled to death. Twelve hundred new gladiators materialized across the colosseum, and began to fight all over again.

Then, to complete the classical suite, there appeared sixty Greek women, who quickly proceeded to cavort happily with bulls in an attempt to procreate minotaurs, as was their wont.

In the clouds above, Thor continued his epic battle with the robot, Lincoln, and Godzilla...

And i meant my president. Red more carefully.

'No raping of my wife by Freddy Kruger even in your dreams!' said the President sternly to his Lashugan counterpart. 'And I never thought I'd live to see the day you mistook Zoogiedom for Communist Mississippi. The bikini-clad beach volleyball team!?' He shook his head in exaspeartion.

At that moment, back in Uberstock, a giant gladiator emerged and stepped forth from the shadows. He was thrice the size of a normal man and crushed already fighting gladiators left and right as he walked, and when he walked, the ground trumbled. He flexed his muscles and stretched out into a mighty roar, which shook the Colosseum and silenced those who had not yet been stepped upon and squished in a most nasty manner. It was...no! Could it be? Titus the Manly!

'Hear me, my brothers, my brethren, and my stomped foes! To fight each other is folly! Let us rise and combine our swords unto the Viking girly-men that are pillaging our villages and stealing our women! Rahr! Let us rise up as one army, and PAWN! Rahr! Let all others PH34R the MIGHTY ROMAN EMPIRE! RAHR!'

And thus a great chorus of shouting arose, arose as one unified, mighty war cry, and from the colosseum spilled forth a mighty tirade of charging Roman gladiators, who descended upon the Viking hordes like hounds.

President J.L. took out an aquarium filled with thousands of cockroaches and opened it. He began rapidly stepping on them, squishing their bodies like tomatoes and making a sound like egg shells cracking. "This is fun!" he said, massacring scores of them under the merciless heel of his shoe. "Feel free to join me, guys!"

bump

'Guh!' exclaimed the defense minister profusely. 'After being hugged by a character in a purple dinosaur suit forty-five times in rapid succession, the normally discussing sensation of squirting bug innards in all directions should be delightfully pleasing. Will do!'

At this, he heaved himself unto the cockroaches and began to rock to a random, off-tune guitar solo, until at last his bug juice-encrusted fingers caused the notes to run together, at which point he began to tap dance on the said cockroaches.

'This is just like cracking egg shells,' he realized. Then, remembering an incident from earlier on this very eventful day, he grinned devilishly and whipped out his EggoMat0r-4000, which pumped out infrared-homing eggs at - you guessed it! - 4000 eggs per minute. Targeting President J.L, he began to unleash such an explosive fury that even would kill one or two cockroaches.

"Gah!" J.L. screamed, shielding his face with his arms as he was pelted by a bombardment of eggs. "Time for the Zoogie-Boogie Zapper!" He whipped out a squirt gun filled with snot and aimed it at his attacker. "Apologize, or be doused in mucus!"

What could be so much worse than being hugged by a purple dinosaur and being covered in cockroach guts? thought the defense minister. 'NEVER!' he hollered, switching to the even more deadly full-automatic, whilst doing the boogie.

Swivelling his hips to the greatest extend of his ability while weilding the powerful EggoMatic, the 62-year-old Defense Minister began to croon, 'Ooh baby baby...baby baby...'

Ever see those Nextel commercials with the two guys dancing to a song which involves repeating 'Ooh baby baby' over and over again? Yeah.

President J.L. turned around, and there was a zipper on his back. He unzipped his costume, and revealed his true self: Baby Bop!

"Hi, everybody!" she said, and eagerly ran toward the President to give him a hug.

(The real J.L. is at a party in RB)

'Good god!' screamed the President, running in the opposite direction as quickly as possible, until finally he reached a cliff and lept up from it, springing high into the air and landing a seocnd later at J.L.'s real location. He saw the shock registered on the real J.L's face and smiled most evilly. Grabbing the Roach-Buster Supreme by the back collar, he dragged him back to Zoogiedom, where he forced him to cavort with Baby Bop.

'I shoulda known that JL didn't really have a spiky polygonal head,' he thought to himself.


This doesn't have anything to do with anything else we're doing IC, so in case the real JL is doing something, he can be in two places at once.

The vikings, seeing the horde of gladiators, broke off from carrying off women, raised their swords and axes into the air, and let loose a great war howl. As this had recently been declared Valhalla, they knew they would have home field advantage. They charged the gladiators.

President J.L. took out a submachine gun and promptly filled Baby Bop with lead, putting an end to her grisly reign of terror. The world rejoiced and J.L. was proclaimed a great hero. He then jumped on a magic cloud which flew him back to RB.

Titus the Manly, surveying the onslaught of Vikings coming at his wing, did the sensible thing and godmodded terribly, encircling himself in an indestructible golden bubble and rising up high in the sky so that he would command his forces instead of get killed.

The rest of the gladiators - that is, the human-sized, fully human ones - raised their foot-long swords and charged ahead, adorned in armor intended for show and a quick, bloody death rather than for protection in battle.

From somewhere in the middle, a gladiator with an incredibly strong arm picked up a chicken and hurled it straight unto the Vikings, striking one in the helmet.

President Hanelis applauded as he watched J.L. leave Uberstock on a cloud. 'A true roach-buster,' he said proudly, tears forming in his eyes. Tears were forming in many others' eyes as well, mostly five and six year old children.

Titus the Manly, surveying the onslaught of Vikings coming at his wing, did the sensible thing and godmodded terribly, encircling himself in an indestructible golden bubble and rising up high in the sky so that he would command his forces instead of get killed.

The rest of the gladiators - that is, the human-sized, fully human ones - raised their foot-long swords and charged ahead, adorned in armor intended for show and a quick, bloody death rather than for protection in battle.

From somewhere in the middle, a gladiator with an incredibly strong arm picked up a chicken and hurled it straight unto the Vikings, striking one in the helmet.

The viking who had been struck, one by the name of John The Not-So-Manly proceeded to whine and gripe about not playing fair. A larger, angrier viking proceeded to pick up John, coat him in tabasco sauce, and eat him.

The vikings then stopped their headlong charge to catch their breath and readjust the laces on their Reeboks. (Paid for by the Reebok corporation. I just netted 20 million dollars bitches!)

The vikings continued to charge before losing interest and continuing to raid, pillage, and carry off women.

Titus the Manly snarled. 'Look! They doth carry off women! Women who might so rightfully be yours!'

The soldiers grumbled, and halted, for they were hungry. They ate whatever was available for a bit - cows, bulls, each other, lambs, bees, very small rocks, grass roots, orangutans, and Cheerios - and carried on. From them arose an even mightier war cry - MODO ID FAC! (Just do it) and the gladiators who did not collapse after violating the rule of thou shalt not sprinteth after thou eateth a whole human began to chase the Vikings and steal the women back.

Then Titus gained scornfully upon the Vikings and boomed, 'What now, fools? That was thirty million!'

Titus the Manly snarled. 'Look! They doth carry off women! Women who might so rightfully be yours!'

The soldiers grumbled, and halted, for they were hungry. They ate whatever was available for a bit - cows, bulls, each other, lambs, bees, very small rocks, grass roots, orangutans, and Cheerios - and carried on. From them arose an even mightier war cry - MODO ID FAC! (Just do it) and the gladiators who did not collapse after violating the rule of thou shalt not sprinteth after thou eateth a whole human began to chase the Vikings and steal the women back.

Then Titus gained scornfully upon the Vikings and boomed, 'What now, fools? That was thirty million!'

Thor suddenlt broke from bitch-slapping Lincoln and walked over to where Titus and his gladiators were gathered. He took one look at Titus, reached down, and proceeded to give him a wedgie.

"Can't talk so big now, can you? huh? Huh?"

The vikings then retrieved their women and ran off to enjoy them.

I think I need Generic Empire's help. His conferences are always awesome.

What about me? What about the one that helps each and every generic party to history making proportions? What about the one of 3 nations that founded Uberstock? Huh.

Thye ground shakes as a wall splits apart to reveal a circular vortex. Green, white, lightning and more rocketed around as it began to convulse. A man stepped forward, none other than a 10 yr. younger emperor Bhalk.

"Fools. You have not invited me!? I am back from 1994 after having beatne an army from the future. Now I shall destroy you."

G'N'R' immediatly begins to blare welcoem to the jungle as millions of 1994 Borman soldiers come to aid the Vikigns in their struggle. As they are from the primitive year of 1994 they wield steel swords and sport plate mail armor.

They immediatly begin to aid the vikings as all of borman Empire floods over to help with the partying.

The gladiators, weary in their pursuit, sat down by the riverbank and feasted somemore. Gazing to the other side, watching as the Vikings enjoyed their spoils, a great surging jealousy rose within all of them. This energy they unleashed by cavorting with female oxen, as was a certain Greek custom. This they did very much enjoy and soon forgot about the Vikings and their women.

Titus grimaced. 'Damn! Not with a toga!' he cursed. Then Titus the Manly fled to a safe distance to survey the epic battle and watched as Godzilla smite the ends of Thor's robe, and laughed heartily.

OOC: GE mentioned you but you away at the time. At any rate, the more the merrier.

Titus, gazing at the Borman population, decided to godmod some more in the desparate state of affairs. He summoned up a vast horde earlier age Greek phalanx forces, who were wedgie-proof, and ordered them to spearhead a new assault on the Vikings and their pet cows. The Romans, well rested from their special time with their female oxen (literal oxen), proceeded to run happily through the Borman population, snatching women at will.

OOC: I think I'll be off for the night. Curiously, how large was the piano?

Thor turned to see his robes ablaze, and danced about in a humorous fashion for several minutes while the others laughed and pointed. Godzilla, chuckling most heartily, did not see Abraham Lincoln coming up behind him with a rope. Abrahm lincoln tapped Godzilla on the shoulder. The monster turned, and unwittingly took the rope the former President offered him. Abraham Lincoln then pulled a sharpened quill from beneath his hat and slashed the rope. A large piano proceeded to fall on Godzilla's head.

G'N'R continued to rock, breaking into Sweet Child O' Mine. Slash soloed gratuitously.

Borman women and men are trained in defence and begin to beat back the Romans. Then the portal convulses agian as billions of warriors from 1994 charge out.

Horses, swords, armor, shileds, and barbarians wer what 1994 was about, and they were here.

The new army begins to fight back Tius' force. Bhalk then looks at Titus and a stream of lightning comes from his fingers and begin to electricute Titus.

AC/DC plays have a drink on me as Bhalk, while electricuting Titus with one hand, has a drinking contest with the other hand.

OOC: I think I'll be off for the night. Curiously, how large was the piano?

It was a Grand Piano, once belonging to Jackson Browne, actually.

OOC: If ZP goes to bed I will too.

Titus's manly hair then becomes frizzled. Insulted, he growled angrily and uber-punched Bhalk. Verily did the giant robot laugh at the piano having been dropped on Godzilla's head, and, feeling insatiated, ate it.

Titus's manly hair then becomes frizzled. Insulted, he growled angrily and uber-punched Bhalk. Verily did the giant robot laugh at the piano having been dropped on Godzilla's head, and, feeling insatiated, ate it.

The Giant Robot, bust cackling in a robotic manner at Godzilla's antics, is unaware of the great red flash behind him. From out of seemingly nowhere, a bowler hat flies through the air and lops off the robot's steel head. Odd Job laughs maniacally as the Giant Robot stumbles around trying to find it's head in a most humerous manner.

A giant, pink, fat, hairy man wearing a green bikini with yellow ducks on it instantly appeared before them. "Generic empire...please check your telegrams," he said, and then exploded.

Things that go bump in the night.

Abraham Lincoln laughed most haughtily and taunted the Giant Robot once, a second, a third, and a fourth time, in most swift succession. Whipping his quill out and producing a tremendously large bottle of ink from out of nowhere in particular, he proceeded to right taunting and vexing graffiti statements on the robot's metallic backside.

Lincoln then tossed the ink bottle to nowhere in particular, and it landed upon Titus the Manly's godmoddish bubble, encasing it in ink and obscuring Titus's view. 'Argh!' did scream Titus in his frustration, and grudgingly removed the bottle. Titus began to walk around, stomping on soldiers, gladiators, and people in general indiscriminately.

Bhalk then looks at Titus.

"You know what?"

Bhalk shot him wiht a dart and Titus shrank down to 2 inches. Bhalk then stepped on him.

"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!"

'I've a resounding headache,' Titus, having been compressed by the mighty shoe of Bhalk, declared, his voice muffled considerably (owing to the fact that he was under another's shoe). 'Gar!'

Then Titus was large again, and rose to thrice his former size, which, incidentally, was thrice the size of a normal man. He proceeded to draw asymptotic curves on the land using a gigantic piece of chalk and sing in various integrals, as he is apt to do upon being stepped on by certain beings named Bhalk.

Titus pranced around three times thence; whereupon he declared Bhalk to be a punk.

'I've a resounding headache,' Titus, having been compressed by the mighty shoe of Bhalk, declared, his voice muffled considerably (owing to the fact that he was under another's shoe). 'Gar!'

Then Titus was large again, and rose to thrice his former size, which, incidentally, was thrice the size of a normal man. He proceeded to draw asymptotic curves on the land using a gigantic piece of chalk and sing in various integrals, as he is apt to do upon being stepped on by certain beings named Bhalk.

Titus pranced around three times thence; whereupon he declared Bhalk to be a punk.

Suddenly a lowly paperboy rode by on his unicycle (he couldn't afford the other wheel) and threw a copy of the Uberstock Times directly at Titus's face. Ironically, Titus's face was also the picture on the front page, with the headline Is He Gay?

Bhalk then drove by in a 10000000000000000 foot limousine and paid a man to throw another, later date, Uberstock times with a picture of Titus. The headline Yes, Yes he is.

Nikolai Teslakov parachutes out of the sky. He immediately begins sucking helium out of some of the balloons and sings bad Russian techno. Uh oh, I think i'm pissing off some of those guys over there...

Bhalk remembers that voice. He turns around to see the accompanying face.

"You...YOU...YOU!"

Bhalk then throws a large frosty glass of beer at the mans head. Unexplainably (sp?) it curves down and lands right in front of him without spilling a drop.

Titus vehemently denied the charges and flexed his manly muscles for all to see. 'Look at my manly muscles,' he said. Then, seeing that it had no effect, he dived into the Vikings camp and made off with several women. What happened next is better inferred or imagined by guttered minds than uttered.

Meanwhile, President Hanelis cringed. Beside him, the education minister cried out, eyes bulging from his head, 'Fascinating! The hypothesis that should one suck in helium, one shall speak in astonishingly high pitches is correct after all! I shall go chart his descent on a graph now. Parachutes! What fascinating technology, really!'

The defense minister, Dredon, who was quite drunk by now, raised his mug and, swaying precariously, spoke in incoherent semi-phrases. 'Hey...there's that mafia guy...' He half-walked, half-stumbled to meet him, and was toppled by the parachute when he landed. He lay on the ground, strong vodka foaming from his mouth.

OOC: It actually is true. Ive done it in RL.

IC:Bhalk then runs over to the women Titus had taken to 'bed' and pulled off masks revealing them as gay men.

In Procco's statement today, the predisent declared:

I n000k j00! JAJAJAJAJA e47 my n00000kZzZzZ!!!!1111" The president later averred: "~_^"

Ooc: kidding, kidding

While te nukes fell Bhalk gathered a herd of camels and then threw them in the air. THe nukes hit them and the party continued.

Up above in the eternal skies the beautiful chords of epic battle still rang out across the land. Even as the Giant Robot attempted to pull a wedgie on Abraham Lincoln, Godzilla descended from the heavens and spit flame upon both, landing upon the clouds with a resounding thud and gave a resounding roar. This caused both the robot and the long-deceased former President to become exceedingly enraged, but Thor, not to be outdone, lept into the air and cast a mighty bolt of thunder at Godzilla; and, upon landing again, did a little jig.

Then the populace of Zoogiedom in its entirety glanced up in awe, a sense of finality dawning upon them at last. Raising their wine glasses to their fellow Generians and Greeks, they cried out in striking unison, "Let's all have a drink and pass out in an exceedingly anticlimatic fashion." Raising their wine glasses, they each took a large, perfectly snychronated swig, whereupon all two billion, gradually becoming more and more drowsy, meandered around listlessly and subsequently passed out.

Then Titus looked around, and seeing the pass'd-out state of his people, shrugged, stepped on several Greeks, and smoked several kilo's of the aromatic excrement from a female cow.

Then the Cherub descended from the heavens, smiling from ear to ear, or almost, and showered to the rest of the people endless quantities of the finest wine and cow dung, trusting that the Generians had enough recreational drugs to make themselves more than merry and unconscious.

Then to them he cried resoundingly, 'Modo id fac!'

And the Generians and Bormans smoked opium in exceedingly large quantities. In a fantastically anticlimatic fashion, everyone passed out.

Teh Endz0r.