Roycelandia
02-11-2004, 14:56
Mombasa, Province of Kenya, Roycelandian East Africa
“All Rise for the Honourable Justice Maltby” called the Clerk of the Court, as the assembled Lawyers, Stenographers, Reporters, and Members of the Public rose to their feet.
The Trial was an interesting one that had attracted quite a bit of Media Attention, both from within the Roycelandian Empire and Internationally, and it seemed fitting that Justice Maltby, who, at 47, was one of the younger judges in the Supreme Court of Roycelandian East Africa, should hear this case.
The Trial centred around 19 year old Terrance Hawthorne-N’dale, a half European/Half African male charged with “Gross and repeated violation of the Linguistic Purity Act 2003”, relating more specifically to at least three hundred and fourteen separate uses of “Leet Speak” without reasonable excuse (reasonable excuse being Parody, Satire, Fair Comment, Research or Learning, or in private communications between individuals).
Hawthorne-N’dale had published a pamphlet encouraging Internet Users everywhere to take up 1337 (“leet”), as well as filling in his Driver’s Licence application and Tax Return in 1337 as well, amongst other things, most relating to these incidents.
He pleaded “Not Guilty” to all charges.
The Trial had taken months. Lawyers from both sides had argued back and forth about the legality of the Linguistic Purity Laws (in reality, designed purely to ban Leet and Text speak from public use, as well as making gross spelling errors and signs and official documents illegal as well), and that the defendant’s use of Leet could be seen as a legitimate Political Protest, protected by the Imperial Constitution under Section 28 (The right to fair discussion and civilised disagreement on matters of public, economic, or political importance), and that even the Linguistic Purity Laws were a violation of all sorts of fundamental rights, but to no avail. Hawthorne-N’dale had been found guilty, and was to be sentenced today.
“Terrance Hawthorne-N’dale, you have been found Guilty of 314 charges relating to breaches of the Linguistic Purity Act, specifically relating to your continued illegal use of Leet Speak. Have you anything to say before sentence is passed?” Justice Maltby, resplendent in his Red Judge’s Robe and with his Shiny Sceptre of Impressiveness looked over the top of his summary and down into the defendant at the bar.
Terrance looked the Judge in the eyes and said two words:
“j0 |\/|4|\/|4!”
Justice Maltby was stunned. How dare he use Leet, in his Courtroom! Alas, this insolent young man had an absolute right to say whatever he wanted, protected as he was by Absolute Privilege. At least, until sentence was passed…
“I bet your pardon?” Maltby asked, half stunned, have outraged.
“M’lud, if I might offer my services as a translator?” said Henry Litchfield, a junior barrister representing the following case, glad for thw opportunity to “be noticed”.
“The Court most graciously accepts your offer. Please, continue.”
“M’lud, Mr. Hawthorne-N’dale said ‘Yo Mama’ in response to your question as to whether he had anything to say.”
Maltby was not impressed. “He did, did he?”
“He did, M’lud.”
At this point, the defendant continued speaking.
“1 4m t3|-| l337-455 |-|4><0r!” he announced.
“Mr. Litchfield?”
“The Defendant declares himself to be “the leet-ass hacker”, M’lud.” Litchfield was glad he’d decided to show up a few minutes early today.
Terrance pointed at the Counsel For The Prosecution. “OMFG j00 r 411 n00bs!” he declared.
“The defendant further asserts that the Prosecution are “noobs”, M’lud. I could translate further, but as there are ladies and children present in the courtroom I do not feel a literal translation would be appropriate. I would be pleased to provide His Honour with a written translation afterwards, if it pleases the Court.”
“That would be most satisfactory, Mr. Litchfield. I think I got the gist of it. Your consideration towards those in the Gallery is to be commended.”
Litchfield beamed with pride.
“1 \/\/1ll |\|00k j00 4ll & pwn j00!” Terrance half shouted, waving his arms around.
“M’lud, the defendant is declaring his intention to “Nuke” us all and then “Own” us. I would not interpret this literally, as it is a relatively common phrase heard amongst the more immature speakers of Leet. I would translate it into English as “I’ll get you for this, you’ll all pay!”, or words of a similar meaning.”
Maltby looked at the defendant. “Are you quite done?”
“|=uc|< j00!” Terrance replied.
“Ummm….” Said Litchfield.
“That’s quite alright, Mr. Litchfield. I think I can work out what he said.” Maltby said levelly.
“I will now pass sentence. Terrance Hawthorne-N’dale, your flagrant disregard of the law, the insults to our wonderful language, and blatant contempt of this court must be punished. I hereby sentence you to ten months imprisonment in the Lubanka Prison, and order you to undergo compulsory language appreciation programmes for the term of your incaceration. I believe you can consider yourself “pwned”, Mr. Hawthorne-N’dale.”
With that, Justice Maltby slammed his Gavel down and Terrance was led away, the court abuzz with activity.
Henry Litchfield didn’t know it, but his career was about to skyrocket, whilst elsewhere, Civil Rights groups protested Terrance’s imprisonment. The whole thing was far from over…
“All Rise for the Honourable Justice Maltby” called the Clerk of the Court, as the assembled Lawyers, Stenographers, Reporters, and Members of the Public rose to their feet.
The Trial was an interesting one that had attracted quite a bit of Media Attention, both from within the Roycelandian Empire and Internationally, and it seemed fitting that Justice Maltby, who, at 47, was one of the younger judges in the Supreme Court of Roycelandian East Africa, should hear this case.
The Trial centred around 19 year old Terrance Hawthorne-N’dale, a half European/Half African male charged with “Gross and repeated violation of the Linguistic Purity Act 2003”, relating more specifically to at least three hundred and fourteen separate uses of “Leet Speak” without reasonable excuse (reasonable excuse being Parody, Satire, Fair Comment, Research or Learning, or in private communications between individuals).
Hawthorne-N’dale had published a pamphlet encouraging Internet Users everywhere to take up 1337 (“leet”), as well as filling in his Driver’s Licence application and Tax Return in 1337 as well, amongst other things, most relating to these incidents.
He pleaded “Not Guilty” to all charges.
The Trial had taken months. Lawyers from both sides had argued back and forth about the legality of the Linguistic Purity Laws (in reality, designed purely to ban Leet and Text speak from public use, as well as making gross spelling errors and signs and official documents illegal as well), and that the defendant’s use of Leet could be seen as a legitimate Political Protest, protected by the Imperial Constitution under Section 28 (The right to fair discussion and civilised disagreement on matters of public, economic, or political importance), and that even the Linguistic Purity Laws were a violation of all sorts of fundamental rights, but to no avail. Hawthorne-N’dale had been found guilty, and was to be sentenced today.
“Terrance Hawthorne-N’dale, you have been found Guilty of 314 charges relating to breaches of the Linguistic Purity Act, specifically relating to your continued illegal use of Leet Speak. Have you anything to say before sentence is passed?” Justice Maltby, resplendent in his Red Judge’s Robe and with his Shiny Sceptre of Impressiveness looked over the top of his summary and down into the defendant at the bar.
Terrance looked the Judge in the eyes and said two words:
“j0 |\/|4|\/|4!”
Justice Maltby was stunned. How dare he use Leet, in his Courtroom! Alas, this insolent young man had an absolute right to say whatever he wanted, protected as he was by Absolute Privilege. At least, until sentence was passed…
“I bet your pardon?” Maltby asked, half stunned, have outraged.
“M’lud, if I might offer my services as a translator?” said Henry Litchfield, a junior barrister representing the following case, glad for thw opportunity to “be noticed”.
“The Court most graciously accepts your offer. Please, continue.”
“M’lud, Mr. Hawthorne-N’dale said ‘Yo Mama’ in response to your question as to whether he had anything to say.”
Maltby was not impressed. “He did, did he?”
“He did, M’lud.”
At this point, the defendant continued speaking.
“1 4m t3|-| l337-455 |-|4><0r!” he announced.
“Mr. Litchfield?”
“The Defendant declares himself to be “the leet-ass hacker”, M’lud.” Litchfield was glad he’d decided to show up a few minutes early today.
Terrance pointed at the Counsel For The Prosecution. “OMFG j00 r 411 n00bs!” he declared.
“The defendant further asserts that the Prosecution are “noobs”, M’lud. I could translate further, but as there are ladies and children present in the courtroom I do not feel a literal translation would be appropriate. I would be pleased to provide His Honour with a written translation afterwards, if it pleases the Court.”
“That would be most satisfactory, Mr. Litchfield. I think I got the gist of it. Your consideration towards those in the Gallery is to be commended.”
Litchfield beamed with pride.
“1 \/\/1ll |\|00k j00 4ll & pwn j00!” Terrance half shouted, waving his arms around.
“M’lud, the defendant is declaring his intention to “Nuke” us all and then “Own” us. I would not interpret this literally, as it is a relatively common phrase heard amongst the more immature speakers of Leet. I would translate it into English as “I’ll get you for this, you’ll all pay!”, or words of a similar meaning.”
Maltby looked at the defendant. “Are you quite done?”
“|=uc|< j00!” Terrance replied.
“Ummm….” Said Litchfield.
“That’s quite alright, Mr. Litchfield. I think I can work out what he said.” Maltby said levelly.
“I will now pass sentence. Terrance Hawthorne-N’dale, your flagrant disregard of the law, the insults to our wonderful language, and blatant contempt of this court must be punished. I hereby sentence you to ten months imprisonment in the Lubanka Prison, and order you to undergo compulsory language appreciation programmes for the term of your incaceration. I believe you can consider yourself “pwned”, Mr. Hawthorne-N’dale.”
With that, Justice Maltby slammed his Gavel down and Terrance was led away, the court abuzz with activity.
Henry Litchfield didn’t know it, but his career was about to skyrocket, whilst elsewhere, Civil Rights groups protested Terrance’s imprisonment. The whole thing was far from over…