NationStates Jolt Archive

AP - In a landmark decision today, the Mauiwowee Supreme Court, in a 7 to 4 opinion, found that Barney, the Cute Purple Dinosaur, was in fact Satan and thus opened the door to the Cult of Barney as an officially recognized religion in Mauiwowee. Writing for the 7 member majority of the court, Chief Justice Andhiser Butch, in a stunning display of judicial logic, reasoned:

"It is a given that Barney is a cute purple dinosaur, even the dissent concedes this fact (footnote omitted). If it is remembered, however, that the Romans, from whom our language is derived, (footnotes omitted) had no letter "U" in their alphabet, (citations omitted) but instead used the letter "V" in its place, (citations omitted) it is easily seen that "CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR" is actually, "CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR." It must also be remembered that some letters of the Roman alphabet were also used to designate numerical values, (footnotes omitted) such as "C," "V," "D," "I" etc.(citations omitted). Extracting these numerals from "CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR" we get C, V, V, L, D, I, V. The decimal equivalents for these numbers are C=100, V=5, L=50, D=500, I=1. (citations omitted). When these decimal equalivants are added together to arrive at their proper sum, you can quickly see that their total is equal to 666. In the bible, the book of Revelations, it is revealed that 666 equals the number of "the beast" (citations omitted) and that "the beast" is Satan incarnate on earth (footnotes omitted). It is therefore obvious to us that Barney is "the beast" and hence the incarnate form of Satan. In short, Barney = Satan. A reasonable conclusion whose logic is unassailable (despite the efforts of the dissent). . . . Having conclusively established that Barney is in fact Satan, we do not hesitate to declare that the worship of Barney is a religious system entitled to protection from infringement by the legislature under our constitution (citation omitted) . . . The judgement of conviction is reversed and remanded to the trial court for the entry of judgement in keeping with our findings."

Writing for the dissenting justices, Associate Supreme Court Judge, Khoors stated:

"the 'logic' used by the majority in making their ruling is just plain stupid. While Barney is a "CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR," the majority fails to take into account the fact that Barney is only "cute" for children - a segment of our society which has historically been granted protection from radical dogma."

As would be expected, the opinion is decried by religious groups as judicial activisim at its worst and is simultaneously hailed as a victory for freedom of religion by Metal Heads.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled Court TV show, "So, sue me!"

OOC: You know, I never did look at it that way, but that's an interesting argument.

**Memo**
To: government of Mauiwowee
From: P3X1299 foreign office

At first glance, we laughed at your high court, for that assessment. However, after some laughter, we came to realize that your court did indeed have a point. We applaud your court's decision.

CEO-Premier John Carter.

After writing the memo, and fowarding it to the foreign office, John Carter slumped down on his desk and started laughing extremely hard.

bump

ooc: I knew it! I've always said that there was something evil about that freak!

(OOC: Oh crap! I had to laugh like crazy! That's just great! :D :D :D )
IC:
It is not our business to interfere with the jurisdiction of other countries. Therefore, even though we disapprove of devil worshipping, we tolerate your decision. After all, you have a point. Even in our own country, we had to ban the Barney show from TV because children were getting increasingly stupid. Might that be an evil demonic plan? Who knows? What we want to say is: You guys got our support! :cool:

Minister of Foreign Affairs
Wolfgang Schmidtmann; Republic of Deutsch - Rheinland

After reading your courts landmark decision Barney has been banned and the Teletubbies were banned too (Just in case!). Thanks for making us laugh so heartily.

bump for good measure

one last bump

MCNN- "Today, in reply to the massive court decision in Mauiwowee, Mislokivia has reconized Barny as a major threat finding out that he is saten, curently Mislokivia is mobilizing a small force of of about 100 special forces members to hunt him down, Mislokivia will carry out this plan if Mauiwowee allows the forces to enter there territory.

Next in news tonite: Is it really butter or not? we will...."

MCNN- "Today, in reply to the massive court decision in Mauiwowee, Mislokivia has reconized Barny as a major threat finding out that he is saten, curently Mislokivia is mobilizing a small force of of about 100 special forces members to hunt him down, Mislokivia will carry out this plan if Mauiwowee allows the forces to enter there territory.

Next in news tonite: Is it really butter or not? we will...."

encrypted communique'
We would "unnoficially" welcome your forces, however, it is important that Barney not be made into a martyr and that the general populance not know of your presence. Since the Cult of Barney is now a legal religion, we must take great care and handle the issue in a subtle, but effective manner. Our private airfield in the Resin Isles will be made available for your forces.
Sincerely,
Foreign Minister,
Gherry Sphringer

encrypted communique'
We would "unnoficially" welcome your forces, however, it is important that Barney not be made into a martyr and that the general populance not know of your presence. Since the Cult of Barney is now a legal religion, we must take great care and handle the issue in a subtle, but effective manner. Our private airfield in the Resin Isles will be made available for your forces.
Sincerely,
Foreign Minister,
Gherry Sphringer

encrypted communique'
Roger that, our forces are en-route and will be droping off in the Resin Isle air field by plane and helocopter, we will try to keep this as "hush hush" as we can, and that is what our forces are trained to do, they will dress as normal civilians to accomplish this, thank you for your co-operation.
From,
Witch Hunter, Supreme Dictator of Mislokivia.

Secret Communique
We are placing a 125 million dollar bounty on Barney's head. We want that MF's heart on a stick...if you get my picture.
John Spartain, Minister of Government Bounties.

encrypted communique'
Roger that, our forces are en-route and will be droping off in the Resin Isle air field by plane and helocopter, we will try to keep this as "hush hush" as we can, and that is what our forces are trained to do, they will dress as normal civilians to accomplish this, thank you for your co-operation.
From,
Witch Hunter, Supreme Dictator of Mislokivia.

OOC: a map of Mauiwowee is here (http://img4.exs.cx/img4/1714/MauiwoweeMap.jpg) feel free to move freely around the islands and RP the death of Barney in an "accident" I'll RP the reactions, conspiracy theories, etc. and ensure your people get out without any hitch.

Official response from the INGC chairman himself over VIDCOM
"thank you for informing the world of thi..."he said trying to keep a straight face" this menace... oh what the hell," he said smiling "this gave the whole INGC a good hearty laugh," He cracks up laughing "no offense meant by the laughing, that was the best thing I've ever seen since I learned earth is the Ultimate Reality TV show..."

OOC: Roger that, will do, i think we'll start the search on the Ghost Isle Region then, thanks.

Official response from the INGC chairman himself over VIDCOM
"thank you for informing the world of thi..."he said trying to keep a straight face" this menace... oh what the hell," he said smiling "this gave the whole INGC a good hearty laugh," He cracks up laughing "no offense meant by the laughing, that was the best thing I've ever seen since I learned earth is the Ultimate Reality TV show..."

OOC: glad you found it amusing, however:

IC:
You laugh now sirs, just wait until a bunch of Barney Worshippers appear in your country. Imagine, thousands of peopled dressed in black and leather, wearing goth make-up with pentagrams and puple dinosaur tatoos all over their body, once you decide the sight is enough to sicken you, they'll let lose with a refrain from either a Black Sabbath or Ozzy Ozbourne song, start chanting Marilyn Manson lyrics or, worst of all, start singing I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you be my good friend too?. You're children's minds will be warped beyond all hope if these freaks get their hands on them. This is one time our freedom of religion laws have gone to far. To legalize this kind of insanity is just nuts.

***Letter to the Nation of Crazed Marines***
We are accepting your bounty offer and will present you with the body of Barney after we have found him, we are requesting half of the money now and the other half after we present you with the body, if we fail to find Barney we will Repay you the half you gave us.

From,
General Raz, Commander of the MNSF (Mislokivian National Special Forces)

private communique' to Col. Brown of the Crazed Marines

Dear Col. Brown:

In light of our relationship built durin' them there Death Penalty games on Maiuwowee, we'd be a willin' ta' pitch in 1/2 of yore posted reeward fer' the killin' of that there Barney fellah. We think he's a representin' a danger to our young 'uns as well and join with you in seekin' his untimely death.

Sincerely,
Lord Wacko
Texarkania

OOC: glad you found it amusing, however:

IC:
You laugh now sirs, just wait until a bunch of Barney Worshippers appear in your country. Imagine, thousands of peopled dressed in black and leather, wearing goth make-up with pentagrams and puple dinosaur tatoos all over their body, once you decide the sight is enough to sicken you, they'll let lose with a refrain from either a Black Sabbath or Ozzy Ozbourne song, start chanting Marilyn Manson lyrics or, worst of all, start singing I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you be my good friend too?. You're children's minds will be warped beyond all hope if these freaks get their hands on them. This is one time our freedom of religion laws have gone to far. To legalize this kind of insanity is just nuts.
IC: Duly noted, but our INS has a data base for people like this, so if they see someone suspicous, they are run through the data base, and if they match a group not allowed to enter, they are deported on the next flight to anywhere, but once they're in, then they can go crazy, so their group has been added to the DL, and thank you for bringing up the seriousness of this.

private communique' to Col. Brown of the Crazed Marines

Dear Col. Brown:

In light of our relationship built durin' them there Death Penalty games on Maiuwowee, we'd be a willin' ta' pitch in 1/2 of yore posted reeward fer' the killin' of that there Barney fellah. We think he's a representin' a danger to our young 'uns as well and join with you in seekin' his untimely death.

Sincerely,
Lord Wacko
Texarkania

From: Colonial Brown
To: Lord Wako of Texarkania
Thank you Lord Wacko. We are very appreciative of this and will give you a luxury box at next season's Titans games. Next year will be good, Chris Caulphepper will be healthy and will lead the team onward to victory

From: Colonial Brown
To: General Raz, Commander of the MNSF

Here's the money. It is in the Swss bank account P3x589d4 and the password is pink-purple monkies. We will give you the other password when we receive Barney's heart on a platter.

Wow, you currently have 666 posts...

Spooky...