NationStates Jolt Archive

In a surprising move today, Parliament voted by a majority of 53 to bring in new laws encouraging citizens of DPUO to take out any anger they have not taken out on the Far Right wing, lazy people, computers, grass or the national animal, the Deca-Tentacled Osminog, on the cat. The law is in response to cats' "blatant violation of anti-social behaviour laws."

The new law encourages people to shun cats, hurl verbal abuse at them, and if possible kick them for as great a distance as is convenient. It also states that there will be a prize awarded by local authorities to the resident of their area who is able to hurl the most abuse, verbal and physical, at cats. Particularly stubborn cats are to be dispersed with high-powered water-cannon.

The move was greeted warmly by dog-owners and bird-fanciers. Cat owners decried it, but were counted as being co-conspirators with the cats and thus subject to the same laws. Reports of several large brawls resulting from attempts to kick cats and their owners at the same time are unconfirmed.

Utterly ridiculous.

High Lady
Alasse Órecalo

Official Statement from The Proletariat Commonwealth of The Island of Rose:

Was Parliament drunk that day?
-Minister of Foreign Affairs: Rosta Einvach

[OOC: Can't help but laugh :D. You've really outdone yourself this time, DPUO]

IC:

When asked by a reporter about the recent anti-cat laws that were invoked in DontPissUsOff, the Foreign Minister had this to say:

"Hmm.. I have heard of the laws, yes. I don't think there's anything we can do about it. Well, quite frankly, why should we do anything about it? It's internal policy dictated by their Parliament. It is none of our business. We have received hundreds of thousands of letters from cat owners throughout Greenmanbry. I believe we need to be frank with these people: there's nothing we can do. I advise you to pray for the souls of the cats being kicked. Other than that...erm... ummm.... errr..... hey look... it's a bunch of freaking cats. WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU WANT US TO DO??"

The Foreign Minister stormed out of the room, swearing.

When questioned about the recent laws by press personnel presenting foreign nations' questions, the Prime Minister and Cabinet were heard only to yell "bloody cat-fanciers!!" At the last count, they had been shouting non-syop at the reporters for the past 5 minutes concerning their pro-cat activities.

Meanwhile, animal rights activists protesting the new law were dispersed by hgih-powered water cannon and a barrage of boots, alarm clocks, tin cans, pans and cups.

Official Statement from The Proletariat Commonwealth of The Island of Rose:

Great way to make communism look good. Now you'll rile up all the righties and they'll go "OMG COMMIE R EVIL!" even though they're not better. Besides, cats are cute. Wait... damn you Sergei, you've made me more liberal! Damn you! I still love him.
-First Lady Diane Ilyanov of The Island of Rose

OOC: Mean sod...leave the cats alone!

"BLOODY CAT-FANCIER!"

- Foreign Minister Schützer.

Having heard this comment from the represntative of TIOR, Mr. Schützer was last seen attempting to use an ICBM to launch a large number of leather boots, alarm clocks, tar blocks, felt hats, treadless tryes, oil drums and other assorted "General Objects Suitable for Hurling or intercontinental missile barrage" at TIOR. He was however distracted by a group of cats, which he felt himself obliged to swear at copiously.

OOC: do you hate cats too?

IC:
The president had this to say to local reporters...
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Ahem... hahahahahahahaha

OOC: I'm none too keen on them, but I also feel like a laugh.

OOC:ROFLAMAO

Official Imperial Response

You commie bastards! Some day the kittys will rise up, and strike down your insidious rule!

OOC:ROFLAMAO

Official Imperial Response

You commie bastards! Some day the kittys will rise up, and strike down your insidious rule!

Official Statement from The Proletariat Commonwealth of The Island of Rose:

Like the dogs did against the cats?
-President Sergei Ilyanov of The Island of Rose

Official Imperial Response

Exactly!

Official Imperial Response

Exactly!

Official Statement from The Proletariat Commonwealth of The Island of Rose:

Therefore, you admit the world is in an endless cycle of war and revolutions will be as common as erections? Well, I'm not surprised really.[
-President Sergei Ilyanov of The Island of Rose

*Hurls a cat at TIOR* :p

TAG...I'll add a pic of what this law will look like.

The Mouth of the Happy Biomass made the following public announcement:

While I applaud the DPUO initiative to improve and strengthen social order, I have some concerns over the related activities. Local observers had seen the cats kicked so hard they fly over the border and land on the sovereign territories of neighbouring countries; in most extreme cases, they also illegaly travel through the air space of several other countries before landing. This is a clear violation of territorial integrity and sovereign rights. Furthermore, some cats survive the trip and continue their highly anti-social activities. For these reasons, I ask the government of DPUO to intoduce preventive measures.

Furry liked the dark. He liked it alot. Moving slowly and silently on the edge of the fence, his target was in view...The pigeons were unsuspecting... CLANG.
Furry swivelled his head, fur on edge, and looked around... two dogs, massive, where howling at him. There was a rumble as Furry fell off the fence, encased by a large metal cage as the dogs howled and barked.
"Not another varmint!"
A man came out the back door with a .22 Automatic, and Furry winced as the bullets hit him and the last thing he saw were the pigeons flying away...

Furry awoke, sitting on the lap of a napping 45 year old Josef Dorsal. Upon immediately realising he was alive, Furry went back to sleep.
http://freespace.virgin.net/global.ftang/b3ta/bagpuss.gif

I do prefer dogs, but bagpuss pwnz.

The government would like to release this statement:
Any cats kicked into our territory will be shot ASAP.

[OOC: BAHAHAHAHA!!!! :D]

IC:

The Dominion's government applauds The Happy Biomass's concern with national sovereignity, and joins The Happy Biomass in asking that the DPUO find a solution to this problem.

In deference to this request (and in the interests of solving the problem) all cats are now to be attached to a small charge of high explosives prior to kicking commencing. Failing this, cats are to be launched only in seaward directions. Any cats not destroyed should be handed back to us, whereupon they will be towed out to sea and sunk by naval gunfire.

We have long had as a tradition in Impunia the soaking in petrol and burning of both live cats and dogs by children. Sometimes, in the case of larger dogs, festive cans are tied to the dog's tail by thin rope beforehand. The resulting spectacle is most amusing.

Such activities amongst the youth are widely encouraged, as a precursor to the burning of witches and socialists that many villagers engage in as adults, under the guiding hands of village elders and clergymen.

It warms our Impunian hearts to see that some simple pleasures in life are universal.

While I am glad to see that the government of DPUO had made movements towards the resolution of this international problem, I would like to note that technically, cats (or cat corpses) with attached explosives, when thrown or otherwise delivered to the territory of other country, can be treated as anti-personnel mines specifically directed against civilian population, and can therefore be treated as an act of undercover aggression. Furthermore, as Impunia representative had rightfully pointed out, cat burning is a part of children entertainment in many progressive countries; in places like Impunia, a child seeing a cat has an immediate urge to burn it, which is obviously highly dangerous for the underaged performer if the aforementioned cat has explosives attached to it. Allow me to voice my concern in these simple words: will somebody please think of the children? I urge DPUO and the other nations to push for a safe and environmentally-friendly solution to the cat problem.

Procco will promptly return all cats kicked onto our nation.

While I am glad to see that the government of DPUO had made movements towards the resolution of this international problem, I would like to note that technically, cats (or cat corpses) with attached explosives, when thrown or otherwise delivered to the territory of other country, can be treated as anti-personnel mines specifically directed against civilian population, and can therefore be treated as an act of undercover aggression. Furthermore, as Impunia representative had rightfully pointed out, cat burning is a part of children entertainment in many progressive countries; in places like Impunia, a child seeing a cat has an immediate urge to burn it, which is obviously highly dangerous for the underaged performer if the aforementioned cat has explosives attached to it. Allow me to voice my concern in these simple words: will somebody please think of the children? I urge DPUO and the other nations to push for a safe and environmentally-friendly solution to the cat problem.

We have acceded once more to your request, as it is a most sensible one. From this moment on, no cat can be kicked in the direction of a border with another nation. Penalty for violation of this will be forcible removal of all body hair with tweezers, or being tickled for 26 hours with the feathers of an emu. All cats which are kicked are to be kicked towards the ocean. Cats sunk by naval gunfire are to be bombarded with depth charges to ensure they sink. Cats not destroyed by any of the methpods already employed will be used for a variety of uses, including pen-holders, ski-boots etc.

Cat's have been outlawed since the last election since the president is alergic. All the cat's in my nation were rounded up and sent into space. Except for three, which currently are being held in secret Government Location.

News

Rumours have been abounding lately of a strange creature, reportedly roaming the night around DPUO and feeding upon the cat population at will. We spoke to a man in the street, who informed us that:

The beast! The beast! They say he's 10 feet long, and 3 feet wide, and he has six legs! And, and, he only uses three at any time, and uses the other three for crossing ditches. Oh, and he's got five eyes, like two for normal seein and three for spares, and 1 ear on the top of his nose, and he has a tremendous fear of socks for some reason, and he doesn't have any eyebrows, except on Thursdays...

News

Rumours have been abounding lately of a strange creature, reportedly roaming the night around DPUO. We spoke to a man in the street, who informed us that:

Our nation is famed for it's socks, we'd be happy to contribute to the apprehension of this creature, if we could take it back to our nation.
434,000 1st class socks sent anyway.

Could you send an odd number of socks?

Commercial in Pentova

Child: "But Mom, whatever shall I do with fluffy?
Mother *To the tune of Swiffer song*: "That's simple. Just kick 'im! Kick 'im good!"

"That's right! Kick those cats and win a free dog!"

Could you send an odd number of socks?

Sory 434,000 is our Premiers favorite number.

Egad! By a staggering co-incidence, it's also the telephone number of Mrs. Alberta Pentonville, of 25 Woodlands Road, New Manchester!

(ooc: ima just adopt this law as one of my own <<...>>)

Offical Response of Whogivesaflying
Yeah!!! Show those damned cats who's boss!

(adds at the bottom"you know you want to people!")

President: Taylor Zechs

The Shah himself owns a cat, a small Persian cat named Rostam. And I personally assure you he doesn't take this kindly.

-Foreign Minister Piruz Savhadkohi.

Very interesting, however our Premier hates staggering coincidences, and since he is bored he has rounded up everyone within 5 miles of the capitol with the last name Pentonville, and is currently forcing them to sing Patriotic Christmas songs to a group of condmened prisoners.

Patriotic Christmas songs, eh? By jove, we have just commenced the issuing of "Hark the Nationalist Angels sing", "Good Prime Minister Jones looked out", and other songs of such a nature. We however are using them primarily to amuse young anti-Nazis.

In other news, the Beast recently attempted to attack a tiger, before being forced away by the presence of a large barrel filled with socks, placed in the corner of thr cage.

Bump!

ooc:- I find this thread disturbing......anyway I hope you will have a post about the rat & mice plague that follows? A similar attitude like this was around in the Middle Ages in Europe......right before the black plague that was carried by the fleas on rats :eek:

The Dominion of Greenmanbry's Ministry of Cat-related Observations has caved in after the pressure from cat-lovers everywhere.

We hereby ask the Wandering Shipbuilders to send us their cats. In fact, we offer you $450 per cat. For God's sake, just accept our offer! We need to shut these guys up!

Minister Charles Meow
Ministry of Cat-related Observations

ooc:- I find this thread disturbing......anyway I hope you will have a post about the rat & mice plague that follows? A similar attitude like this was around in the Middle Ages in Europe......right before the black plague that was carried by the fleas on rats :eek:

OOC: Ah yes, but that has been solved! When "The Beast" has finished with the cats, it will turn to rats. 'Tis all a state plot :D

The Dominion of Greenmanbry's Ministry of Cat-related Observations has caved in after the pressure from cat-lovers everywhere.

We hereby ask the Wandering Shipbuilders to send us their cats. In fact, we offer you $450 per cat. For God's sake, just accept our offer! We need to shut these guys up!

Minister Charles Meow
Ministry of Cat-related Observations

Any cats not being kicked, blown up, hit with cups, boots and other assorted objects, kept for organised shunning, verbally abused or sunk by naval gunfire will be sent to Greenmanbry.

OOC: Ah yes, but that has been solved! When "The Beast" has finished with the cats, it will turn to rats. 'Tis all a state plot :D

ooc:- And when it finishes with rats it will go for people yes? Make an interesting story ;) I can see it now "Breaking news! Our nation is being over run by a beast! It is slaughtering our populance.......we keep killing them but they have a strange intellegence and are ambushing those who are hunting them. Goverment Officials are in a state of panic; rumour suggest that the beast is a genetic engineered creature developed to hunt cats. And now the creatures have escaped their control & developed immunities to a virus that was designed to terminate them if they got out of control. What's that Fred? Behind me? Oh My God! No! No! Noooooooooooooo <Death rattle>"

This is what's happening in DPUO
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v169/futureMARINE/cat1.jpg

OOC: ROFL!

IC: Earlier today cat activists attempted to storm the Houses of Parliament, before being apprehended by police. All perpetrators were later kicked into the ocean with attached depth charges.

Good going!
-Secretary of Beating people senseless, Dob Schneider.

A Aztec reporter told several government heads about DPUO's new law, they had this to say.

"Uhhh, wow..."
-Premier Quetzalcoatl

"Cats, bloody bastards!"
-Dr. Darius Wellington, Foriegn Affairs Minister

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry, this is funny as hell but embarrasing for all legislators."
-Jorge Arroyo, Chief Majority Congressman

"This is the only hilarious case of animal abuse ever heard of."
-Tamuzin, Chief Minority Congressman

((OOC: Tag))

IC: Shame on you. You are a bad man. A bad, bad, bad man. :mad: