NationStates Jolt Archive

Imperial Palace, Port Royal, Roycelandia

His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I was extremely pleased with the new renovations to his Office/Study.

A really, really big Leather Chair, tasteful Oak panelling, bookshelves (packed with books), globes, telescopes, animal trophies, guns, swords, armour, and the piece de resistance, an enormous wall-to-wall TV had all been installed at a surprisingly reasonable rate.

As a general rule, the TV's "Screen Saver" was, in the best traditions of Bond Villains and other Megalomaniacs, a map of the world with various glowing green dots representing cities, and red dots representing trouble spots- a press of a button would call up a complete report on the city, or a sitation report, TV channel, or what have you. The complete features of His Majesty's new Study/Office would fill a post on their own, such was their number.

His Majesty settled back in his Big Leather Chair- it was very comfy, after all- and pressed the intercom button. "Sara? Could you send Jeff in, please?"

A few minutes later Foreign Minister Jeff Lebowski entered, coffee cup in hand. "Hey, chief. Love what you've done with the place. Sara says your coffee is on it's way. So, what can I do for you?"

His Majesty gestured to the World Display. "All the countries shaded Blue represent the Roycelandian Empire, right?"

Jeff looked closely. "Yup."

"You know, I never realised how big it is. I mean, I've seen maps and all, but having on the wall there, 10 feet high, kinda puts it all in perspective."

Jeff looked up at the map. "You know, we do control a lot of territory... why do we have a military force on Stewart Island?"

"It's a long story. Anyway, let me just clarify something: I am the supreme overlord of Roycelandia, Kenya, Uganda, The Sudan, Socotra, Coral Palm Island, New Guinea, Glimmer Twins, North Terristan, Stewart Island, and parts of Mauritius and The Seychelles?"

"Yup. Kinda snuck up on us, didn't it?"

"Hey, I'm not complaining... still, doesn't that make us the largest Empire on the Planet?"

Jeff Lebowski looked a bit uncertain "Uh, well, not exactly... you see, there are other Nations that occupy more land, and then there's the multiverses, and yeah... but I think we are in the World Almanac as having the most Colonies and Overseas Territories."

"That's alright then." His Majesty sat back into his chair a little further. It was really very comfy, after all.

"You know, I think we need some more Pacific Colonies. New Guinea is nice, but I was thinking of somewhere a bit more Sand, Beaches, Palm Trees and Bikini Sluts, and a bit less Rainforest and Angry Natives, if you now what I mean. Who controls Samoa, Vanuatu, Tahiti, and Tonga?"

"You know, I'm really not sure..." Lebowski started.

"Well, in that case, it means no-one important owns them. Still, better double check. Even if you can get one of them, that's fine with me. And I want a really big sign on the island: PROPERTY OF HIS IMPERIAL MAJESTY EMPEROR ROYCE I. NO COMMONERS ALLOWED. Something like that. See if you can offer to pay off their National Debt in exchange for making them a protectorate or something, at the least."

Lebowski nodded. "I'll go and do some research, see what I can come up with for you."

"OK then. No rush, you know? Just when you get around to it... And don't make it too obvious. You know what the Tree-Huggers and Anti-Imperialism crowd are like..."

Lebowski figured he might duck off and catch a Matinee, perhaps have a late lunch, then head to a Strip Club for a few hours before asking someone at the IIS to find out who owned the Islands in question.

Sometimes, Lebowski reflected, he didn't think His Majesty would be happy until he controlled every single non-1st world country on the planet...

((Well, in at least one reality some if not all of those territories are part of East Islandia, I believe, and of course in plenty of others they're... not. Sometimes I get a bit confused about Roycelandian policy on RL nations. I mean, I've heard it said that you don't generally recognise none player controlled nations or something, like, the Independent State of PNG, but then you still had people living there, just cut-off at an arbitrary point in their history such as conveniently denied them modern defences or diplomatic contacts. Certainly doesn't make the empire worth bragging about! BG should have liberated the whole thing during the Malagasy crisis :) Alas, I am now playing a realistic population based up in southern and eastern India and in Sri Lanka, and can't send tens of millions of troops storming around the world. Ah, well, I'd go back in character, but I don't think there's yet been anything said that we'd know about. If we could read Jeff's mind on that last line, assume that somebody would have said, "this is the 2nd world, calling..." followed by a rolling-up of sleeves ;) ))

OOC: Roycelandian policy on RL Nations generally isn't set in stone for the simple reason that it's all horribly complicated.

Basically, it depends on who owns the Nations in question... Nianciao, for example, had extensive claims to most of SE Asia, which I don't recognise for the simple reason I've never seen him use them in RP.

It's long and convoluted, but suffice it to say we recognise BG's jurisdiction over Madagascar, for obvious reasons ;)

On a related note, blatant Imperialism appears to be the only way to get anyone to participate in my RPs... I've spent AGES typing up some good ones (IMO), only to get tumbleweeds as a response.

If anyone wants to participate IC, go ahead (provided it's not "OMG i declaer w4r 0n j00 4 bein 1mp3r14L15t!")- assume that your Intelligence Agency has picked up rumours that Roycelandia is scoping out one of the small Pacific Nations in question, and wants to get involved on a Diplomatic or Espionage level... I feel like a Non-War RP for a change, and would like to be able to develop some of the characters within Roycelandia...

The Strathdonian Foreign secretary Gerald Haggerson leaned back in his seat as his underlings held thier usual morning discussion about whatever matters had pricked their attention. Letting most of it wash over him, he suddenly sat upright as he heard a familiar name.

"What was that about of Roycelandian freinds?" he asked turrning his attention to a now rather surprised young under secretary.

"Well Sir the thing is, ah, well em, it appears they are thinking of getting on the real estate market again, if you catch my meaning."

"You mean they are about to embark on another on a blood thristy egotisitcal imperialist land grabbing mission to rule more of the world."

"I wouldn't put it quite that way sir," replyed the young official nervously tugging at his collar. Dammit! Why did old Haggar the Horrible have to pick on him! that Arse Kambudi always got off easy with his smug info on how bad things were getting down south.
"I would say that they are merely investigating aquiring more property in the pacific, so far we have nothing concrete."

"Well keep me informed ,you have my inbox address. I want more details A.S.A.P. With that gentlemen I belive we are done for today" concluded Haggarson and he stood and left the room.

Apia, Samoa

Jeff Lebowski was still trying to fathom how he ended up standing in the capital city of Samoa instead of playing Golf with some friends from University, when his Taxi- a clunky, rusty old Ford- arrived.

He had an appointment with the Samoan Prime Minister at 1:30 to discuss "Roycelandian Assistance with the Samoan National Debt".

The Samoans are BIG people Lebowski thought. In fact, if the Prime Minister said "No thanks" to Roycelandia's Proposal, Lebowski had decided he would simply accept that and find somewhere with attractive Island Girls and lots of Kava. Like Tahiti...

Director Alexander McNeil reviewed the intelligence reports from the previous night.

"Looks like the start of a slow day..." McNeil then caught a sentence at the bottom of the page-

Roycelandia possibly looking into Pacific Islands--From previous actions, most likely expansion of some kind

The Director picked up his phone and dialed 02.

"Head Intelligence." Came the response from someone engaged in work.

"Steven, Director here. Can you eleborate for me this bit about Roycelandia?"

"Ah yes-" A brief shuffling of papers; "Well, we think we have a Roycelandian emissary heading somewhere to the Pacific. You know them-probably 'lengthening their borders'."

"I see. Thanks, Steve." McNeil hung up his phone.

[[OOC: I'm not even sure what I can do here-My nation wouldn't really be opposed to this. If you need a third-rate supporter, I'm your man.]]

[tag]

So far, the meeting with the Samoan President was going surprisingly well.

"How big did you say my Mansion would be?" he asked Jeff Lebowksi again.

"Ummm... really, really big. With lots of rooms, and servants." Jeff wasn't even sure he was allowed to do this, but what the hell...

"Go on..."

"Errr... Cable TV, and a helipad. And a Jetty."

"What about the other Members of Parliament?"

"Nice, shiny new cars, and Holiday Villas on Coral Palm Island."

"Hmmm. I'll talk to them about it and get back to you. In the meantime, make yourself comfortable in Apia. We'll be in touch..."