DemonLordEnigma
22-10-2004, 00:56
This is Johannes Dole of the Intergalactic International Incorporated Nova News Network.
Our top story of this evening is from the Most Serene Republic of DemonLordEnigma. God Surpreme, as Dictator Enigma has taken to calling himself for today's title of office, has today managed to pass what his critics, at least those who have not fled the country, call "silly, irresponsible, and pure jokes."
In response to complaints about forced public nudity, which Enigma passed in response to complaints of people being indecently dressed, by several clothing corporations. Enigma decreed every citizen must buy a complete outfit once a month. Then, the next day, they must burn it. To help in this, he has decreed the last day of every month to be Bonfire Day, a day on which the populace must build bonfires. The military and government, of course, remain immune to this.
In response to teacher complaints about textbooks not being technical enough in detail, the Ministry of Education has ordered the textbooks be revised and editted by the nations lawyers. The resulting text books are expected to be the size of large encyclopedia collections. The teachers are now required to carry a copy with them at all times in case students have questions.
And, in even more bizarre news, Enigma has declared juggling pigs while drunk to be illegal. This in response to one of his beloved dogs being killed by a pig that was being juggled by a drunk guy, who was immediately put to death by police forces assuming him to be attempting assassination.
We would have a correspondant to enlighten us with more, but he was killed in a crossfire between heavily-armed weapons smugglers and police tanks while trying to cross the border.
Our top story of this evening is from the Most Serene Republic of DemonLordEnigma. God Surpreme, as Dictator Enigma has taken to calling himself for today's title of office, has today managed to pass what his critics, at least those who have not fled the country, call "silly, irresponsible, and pure jokes."
In response to complaints about forced public nudity, which Enigma passed in response to complaints of people being indecently dressed, by several clothing corporations. Enigma decreed every citizen must buy a complete outfit once a month. Then, the next day, they must burn it. To help in this, he has decreed the last day of every month to be Bonfire Day, a day on which the populace must build bonfires. The military and government, of course, remain immune to this.
In response to teacher complaints about textbooks not being technical enough in detail, the Ministry of Education has ordered the textbooks be revised and editted by the nations lawyers. The resulting text books are expected to be the size of large encyclopedia collections. The teachers are now required to carry a copy with them at all times in case students have questions.
And, in even more bizarre news, Enigma has declared juggling pigs while drunk to be illegal. This in response to one of his beloved dogs being killed by a pig that was being juggled by a drunk guy, who was immediately put to death by police forces assuming him to be attempting assassination.
We would have a correspondant to enlighten us with more, but he was killed in a crossfire between heavily-armed weapons smugglers and police tanks while trying to cross the border.