Roycelandia
16-10-2004, 12:36
Dateline: Port Imperial, Roycelandian East Africa
The Roycelandian Broadcasting Corporation, Groovy Channel 27, and RSkyTV, along with numerous other Roycelandian TV channels and Movie Companies are currently reeling with surprise this morning, after a shock decree from His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I.
His Majesty today issued a decree ordering that henceforth all television programmes and motion pictures intended for screening in the Roycelandian Empire, featuring Kung Fu, Martial Arts, or being of the genres of Anime, Hong Kong Action, Martial Arts, or Godzilla films MUST be dubbed into English in such a manner that the mouths of the actors on screen do not match up with the English Language soundtrack, and must also feature crazy camera angles and strange editing.
Furthermore, all Martial Arts or Hong Kong Action films must contain at least one scene involving:
A Ninja, and/or
A Nunchaku fight, and/or
A Katana fight, and/or
Bullet Time, and/or
Crazy Martial Arts stunts.
All Hong Kong Action films are required to feature at least one scene per half hour in which the Hero engages in an all-out gunfight with various random Bad Guys, during which the Hero will have a pistol in each hand, a Light Machine Gun, or other impressive firearm. (also known as the "John Woo" Clause)
Anime will be required to have at least one of the following:
A Giant Robot Destroying Tokyo, and/or
Spacecraft with lots of Laser Beams, and/or
Schoolgirls in ludicrously short uniforms with blatant lesbian tendencies, and/or
Strange Monsters that duel with playing cards, and/or
Samurai or Ninja, and/or
Characters with inexplicable and unpronounceable names, which includes names in Engrish (yes, the strange Japanese/English hybrid language).
The Roycelandian Motion Picture Guild has labelled the decree "Unexpected", but has pointed out that the new requirements are not especially onerous, especially since most films of these genres are like that anyway.
A clause in the new decree, since ratified by Parliament as the Foreign Films (Amendment) Act 2004, has exempted DVDs imported for recognised Asian Cinema Enthusiasts from this requirement. The longer-term effect on Roycelandia's Movie Industry has yet to become clear, but the outlook is an extremely positive one, according to the RMPG.
Master Pain henceforth to be known as "Betty", Page 3
Tiger Crane style no match for Crouching Sloth style, Page 6
A Better Tomorrow, Page 24
The Roycelandian Broadcasting Corporation, Groovy Channel 27, and RSkyTV, along with numerous other Roycelandian TV channels and Movie Companies are currently reeling with surprise this morning, after a shock decree from His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I.
His Majesty today issued a decree ordering that henceforth all television programmes and motion pictures intended for screening in the Roycelandian Empire, featuring Kung Fu, Martial Arts, or being of the genres of Anime, Hong Kong Action, Martial Arts, or Godzilla films MUST be dubbed into English in such a manner that the mouths of the actors on screen do not match up with the English Language soundtrack, and must also feature crazy camera angles and strange editing.
Furthermore, all Martial Arts or Hong Kong Action films must contain at least one scene involving:
A Ninja, and/or
A Nunchaku fight, and/or
A Katana fight, and/or
Bullet Time, and/or
Crazy Martial Arts stunts.
All Hong Kong Action films are required to feature at least one scene per half hour in which the Hero engages in an all-out gunfight with various random Bad Guys, during which the Hero will have a pistol in each hand, a Light Machine Gun, or other impressive firearm. (also known as the "John Woo" Clause)
Anime will be required to have at least one of the following:
A Giant Robot Destroying Tokyo, and/or
Spacecraft with lots of Laser Beams, and/or
Schoolgirls in ludicrously short uniforms with blatant lesbian tendencies, and/or
Strange Monsters that duel with playing cards, and/or
Samurai or Ninja, and/or
Characters with inexplicable and unpronounceable names, which includes names in Engrish (yes, the strange Japanese/English hybrid language).
The Roycelandian Motion Picture Guild has labelled the decree "Unexpected", but has pointed out that the new requirements are not especially onerous, especially since most films of these genres are like that anyway.
A clause in the new decree, since ratified by Parliament as the Foreign Films (Amendment) Act 2004, has exempted DVDs imported for recognised Asian Cinema Enthusiasts from this requirement. The longer-term effect on Roycelandia's Movie Industry has yet to become clear, but the outlook is an extremely positive one, according to the RMPG.
Master Pain henceforth to be known as "Betty", Page 3
Tiger Crane style no match for Crouching Sloth style, Page 6
A Better Tomorrow, Page 24