NationStates Jolt Archive

A huge stadium is set up with booths and scaffolding reaching in the air. Everywhere there people selling kilts, guns, ten minute weddings, and food. Anything you wnat can be found here (no slaves).

OOC: If any other nations would like a booth just ask and tell me what you will be selling and that's that.

we want 50billion camel quilts....cause you know we love camel quilts!

Umm. You sure you want that many? How about a booth? Why don't we RP some of your guys walking around? Lookabunny.

okigay...

A family walked up and down the market,there 15 year old son saw a booth with guns and yelled "DAD DAD! get me an AK-47?? pleaseeee?"
"Of course,Wait here while i get some camel quilts.."
he found the booth with them.."Hi,id like 5 camel quilts...and 500,000 more for the hell of it...do you accept slave&master card?"

The eight foot half pirahna shop owner simply nodded as he accepted the card and asked the father how long they'd been in Camel Eaters.

"I dont know...why do you ask? we may move out here.."

"Ooh that'd be nice." The half pirahna shopkeeper said while bagging the huge amount of camel quilts. "Would you like a ten minute wedding? One for your wife too of course." The half pirahna beckoned over several beautiful men and women and something in between.

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We would like a uranium powered stove, 3 one of a kind unique talking fingers and 10 one of a kind unique mithril chainmail crafted in outer space.
You said anything right? Be prepared to be sued if you discriminate or if you did false advertising.

We would like a uranium powered stove, 3 one of a kind unique talking fingers and 10 one of a kind unique mithril chainmail crafted in outer space.
You said anything right? Be prepared to be sued if you discriminate or if you did false advertising.
he'll get it..he'll get anything....i think...

Well we had to go to other dimensions to get the one of a kind objects that you wanted but the total comes to about 3 billion dollars US. WE HAD TO GO TO A BUNCH OF OTHER DIMENSIONS TO ACQUIRE THEM!!!!

can we get a special made quilt? made of C4...

Soitantly. Enjoy. Would you like the timer and to continue the RP?

Wacha.

as the boy walks around with his AK-47,with a camel quilt on his father screwed his mother while the boy started to screw a random whore "god i love this place!" they all said.

Otto von Hienkel Rommel walked into the market and placed an order for six-thousand camels.

The camels will be sent directly to your country.

Thank you. Us Germans love camels.

Wow. I never knew that about Germans.

The man stepped suddenly out of the shadow beside the booth.

He reached beneath his black cloak and pulled out a note - his wrist flicked the paper towards the shop keeper.

It openned in flight...the ink only visible to the keeper for a brief minute before it disappeared.

It read, "We require Davy Crockett"

No sooner was the note blank, than the man in black disappeared back into the shadows to await a response.

Time travel will be required for this one. Alright we're just gonna' nip back and... here ya go Davey Crockett's corpse we'll clone it if ya want it's right after death so we could resuscitate him if you wnat the original model.
Total Price: 2.5 million

Time travel will be required for this one. Alright we're just gonna' nip back and... here ya go Davey Crockett's corpse we'll clone it if ya want it's right after death so we could resuscitate him if you wnat the original model.
Total Price: 2.5 million

ooc: Sorry - should have been clear. This Davey Crockett - http://www.guntruck.com/DavyCrockett.html

Oh. Well in that case twenty for a dollar.

Oh. Well in that case twenty for a dollar.

The man in black reappeard - in a husky voice he says - "I've got a transport out back..." a dollar coin hits the table as he once again fads away.

The half pirahna guy (his name is George) stepped forward and took the coin he went out back and directed his men to drive the Davy Crocketts aboard the transport.

Waylend you gonna' pay for all that crap we went and got?

George turned to the family and smiled. "I'm happy your family is enjoying itself but could you get your son to quit having sex with a mannequin? It would be nice if he'd stop the angry demon inside of it might be awakened."

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The lizard family walks through the shop, and stops infront of the counter.

-You got any Madagascian Super-worms from 2450 AD? Ours have died...and my children are crying 24/7!!!

"Yes we have the Madagascaran Super Worms. Buy twelve and I'll throw in a free Camel Eatersian worm for free."

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A shady looking man with in shades and a hat, with a false nose, approached a stall. He suddenly started coughing loudly,

*cough*Dirty Bomb*cough*

George pulls out a small bomb that smells of ammonia and sulfur. "Will this do sir?"

The man dumped five million USD in used quarters on the desk. He continued to speak,

And*cough*T-34*cough*

Which model would you like? We have several forms.

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A man in a dark trenchcoat entered the shop.
"I need a mouse- a white one. After I failed in that auction fiasco, the Emperor was really mad. This is my last chance; I don't know what he'll have done to me if I don't get one now."

Well we have many white mice. Would you like a specific type magical mayhap? George holds up a handful of mice to choose from.

Do you have any eternal mice?

I'll need a jar or cage for it, too.

George dropped eight mice into a jar and handed it to the man. That'll be two dollars.

"Thank you ever so much! You may well have saved my life."
The man handed over a $2 bill, took the mice, and hurried off.

((At the auction, the price got up into the millions.))

George looked at the amount of extra money he'd made. "Hell yeah."

A hooded Dark Lord passed by the stalls, then he met George. "Psst. Do you have a thermal detonator?"

"Yes we have many thermal detonators what size and model would you like?" George pulls out a wide selection.

"Yield to be 100 meters is all." The Dark Lord said, then he spied a young black kitten. "How much for him?"

The detonator is 1 million US the kitten comes free with purchase.

"Done." The Dark Lord pays it with a account transfer.

George pulls out a large sign that says20% DISCOUNT ON ALL HUMAN SOULS

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Alexus Fordus entered the the tent he'd been given to deposit his wares. He put up models of all existing cars and signs saying that "you could drive away with a full sized version of this today!" "Everything from Lada to Lamborghini and from Ford to Ferrari for unbeatable prices, The Alexus car shop".

George glared at Alexus Fordus.

George glared at Alexus Fordus.
Alexus smirked at him as he continued shouting out his line again... and again.

George pulled out a long shearing knife and approached Alexus...

George pulled out a long shearing knife and approached Alexus...
Alexus pulled out a Skoda engine from the store, started it and threw it at George. The engine exploded right next to George.

George screamed as he was devoured in flame. One of his assistants ran over and gathered a blue fuzzy haze that floated above him. The assistant threw the soul into a large machine. Another George stepped out.

George screamed as he was devoured in flame. One of his assistants ran over and gathered a blue fuzzy haze that floated above him. The assistant threw the soul into a large machine. Another George stepped out.
He threw another Skoda engine, devouring the new George in flames. Shortly after he threw a Lada at him. The car hit the machine and smashed both machine and car.

A new machine appeared and a new George walked out.

OOC: BTW do you want super soldiers? I have a thread you can get them in.

"ok, lets just leave each other alone. I don't know if you remember that I burned you twice or not but lets just forget it and attract new customers.

Aye. Who wants to buy super soldiers? Go to my thread.

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a man walked up and set up shop "SEX TOYS AND ERM...nuclear weapons...FOR SALE!" is what he yelled as he put up a sign "SEX TOYS..nuclear weapons...FOR SALE!" as he put up a wide arange of sex toys and nuclear warheads behind the shop.

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Get cars for very reasonable prices!!!

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We want some desert/regular fatigues. How much will 100,000 of them cost? We will also need some guns....

100,000 AK-47's

100,000 Hunting Knives

What kinda pistol do you reccommend?

100,000 grenades as well.... I hope this included 100,000 boots & socks!! Belts for all... The usual battle fatigues....

That's to start.

As we are great friends, this is why i will buy from you!

"Well this order comes to three thousand USD." George said.

Oh and if you want to get a few groups of really good warriors why not send them to my Recondo School?

If you sell everything, we'd like thirty MD-90s...

"hey..no one wants friggin sex toys *coughnuclearweapons*?!" shouted the owner as he put up a sign reading '20%OFF ON ALL DILDOS!'(nuclear weapons..)

"Well those MD-90s come to eight thousand USD." George said pulling out a catalogue for the man to choose different colors and sayings. "Do you like this one. It says YOU ASS HERE."

$8,000!!!! What?! That's a little cheap.... we'll take it!!!!!!!!!!!

"Fine order sir would you like any specific designs?"

We'd like 300 MD-90-55s. We'll paint them.

Here's what they look like:

http://www.flightsim.com/cgi/zview?cm=view&fn=70/delta_nc.zip&an=delta-1.jpg

http://www.flightsim.com/cgi/zview?cm=view&fn=70/delta_nc.zip&an=delta-2.jpg

http://www.flightsim.com/cgi/zview?cm=view&fn=70/delta_nc.zip&an=delta-3.jpg

"We've got like three extra MD-90s in stock if you want them."

Good. Better start moving because I need 300 by the end of five NS years...
$1 Million tip...

"Awesome."

A Humvee surrounded by 100 Fokker D Riot Control Vehicles with Heat Cannons and 100 Humvee's with miniguns roared up to the stand.

A general surrounded by a platoon of spec-ops soldiers got out of the vehicles. The general spoke.

"We need 1 Million Virgins, 1 Million Non-Virgins, 1 Million Souls of the Saved, 1 Million Souls of the Damned, and Hitler's Dog's Soul, plus the soul of his Mercedes. We need them to ummm, well we haven't decided a purpose yet, but we need them."

"That comes to... three billion USD. Would you like paper or plastic with this order?"

A creature about a foot tall, suddenly appears on the counter of George's stall.

"The Master is looking for souls, and...slav- spots sign that says no slaves- "buddies" to build his new castle... can you supply?"


"Also, you might want to know, the Master gets angry unless all packages are with anti-grav packaging and holo-labels, can you make sure this happens?"

"Your service is appreciated, on the Day of Reckoning, we will spare your town."

"Umm Package it into these 10 soul-escape proof plane we have that just landed behind us."

"Oh. sure we can supply. What sort of souls would your master like? Also how many buddies? And the souls are being loaded onto the planes as we speak."
George said while licking his own eyeball.

The small creature falls off of the counter,

"A couple thousand buddies will do, and... the Master wants the souls of Wizards and of course, damned for eternity"



The imp (that is what the creature is) whistles, and a giant squirrel comes. The imp jumps on the squirrel's back.

The imp, now four feet tall thanks to the squirrel, places five hundred thousand gold coins on the table and queries "I trust that will pay for it?"

IC: Suddenly, in an empty stall near George's a large red-scaled, large-horned, scythe-wielding and armour-plated monstrosity appeared. He put up a sign that reads Horny's Helpers. Ask for prices. Today "Grab-Bag" is half off.

OOC: Hope this is okay?

Horny dissapointed, quickly scrawls another sign with his finger (burning the words into it) which reads: Dwarven Party Mix buy two get one free!

"Here you go nine thousand buddies and the souls of a couple hundred Wizard souls and those damned for eternity."

George grabs another shearing knife and approaches Horny. He stops and says "Dwarven Party Mix. I'm not sure what that is I'd like to see one." He slowly raises the knife...

Horny turns over a page reading: Dwarven Party Mix- Five hundred hill dwarves and three hundred cave dwarves. Great for mining! Don't forget we have custom orders, any species and any number


The imp rides off on the squirrel, then remembers it can dissapitate. Re-appears and grabs the squirrel, dissapears again.

Five trolls climb out of a hole in the ground and start assembling more shelves. Several dwarves climb out a couple minutes later and start widening the gap

One of the trolls that George employs begins speaking with several of the Sith Jedian trolls.

Suddenly George's troll starts thinking... but not his own thoughts.

"Do not be alarmed, it is I whom you were conversing with, we are not simple beasts of burden as is believed we are an intelligent race from the planet Aiur we were imprisoned as beasts simply because we weren't of the Keeper's particular liking, you must save us!"


During this, the trolls were still working as if nothing had happened.

OOC: If more telepathic speech shall happen, it will be underlined, or it will say it is beforehand.

IC:The dwarves, now finished widening the gap, start carting mounds of dirt and rock to the top.

The troll that George employed (Blueski) walked over to George and began talking to him in a most complicated sign language involoving hair and nose flaps as well as ear movements.

George walked over to Horny and says "How much for those trolls?"

We will take 500 million XM8s, 50,000 kilts, 500 Challenger tanks, and 3 boxes of fruit loops.

"That order comes to 4 billion USD. Have a good day." Turns to Horny. "Now about those trolls?"

Horny frowns and points to his trolls, who have finished building the shelves (very ornate).

"Those trolls? They aren't good for much, you can have them for, I dunno three thousand gold? That is about how much you can get an Arch-Angel for these days, and the Keeper needs more."

George gives Horny the gold and takes the trolls with him.

Do you all sell workers for hire or worker contracts? We need extra workers to build up the Imperial Palace security lines.

"Oh. We sell worker contracts how many do you need they come in packs of one hundred." George said while speaking in the trollish sign language.

The "trolls" of Aiur suddenly dissapear and George hears the thought-speak the his troll described

Thank you, Camel Eater. We are but low warriors, but we shall report your kindness to the High Council. May you die in heroic way.


Note: It is their most-followed custom on Aiur to die in the most heroic way, and therefore is there greatest compliment

Out of no where a large sack of gold falls behind George

OOC: Sith Jedi, do you happen to know the game "Dungeon Keeper"? It would look like it.

IC; "Does no-one want cars? Hey, you, yeah the ugly troll dude, you want a car?"

Horny grunts, surprised by the large sack of gold behind George, he turns to the envoy from Lord Gohmess and says:

"Read the sign, Horny's Helpers, I sell workers, fighters and strategists.
Are you looking for builders? Or perhaps miners to get ores to build with?"

We would like to set up a stall. We will sell:
Workers contracts
guns
tanks
planes
kilts
blankets
sunglasses
purses
gold
steel
swords
and captian crunch

OOC: Sith Jedi, do you happen to know the game "Dungeon Keeper"? It would look like it.

IC; "Does no-one want cars? Hey, you, yeah the ugly troll dude, you want a car?"


OOC: DK is awesome, and yes I know it. DKII is better though. Does a car belong in a dungeon though?

IC: Horny with confusement says:

"Car? Can I eat that? Does it taste better than chickens? Or do you cook on it?"

"No no no Mr Horny, its like this. You get into the car, yes good, even though you could have opened the door instead of ripping it off its hinges but ok. Everything would taste good with chicken. Anyway, press that button. Yes, now press the pedal next to your foot."
Horny does and goes speeding off in a ferrari.
"oops, I should have probably taught him to use the brakes first."

We would like to set up a stall. We will sell:
Workers contracts
guns
tanks
planes
kilts
blankets
sunglasses
purses
gold
steel
swords
and captian crunch
George pulls out a rather large bazooka and says. "We can not allow you to defile the sanctity of the kilt by selling it in your store. Either discontinue the selling of the kilts or we will be forced to destroy you."

Horny walks over to the stall from Kilamanjaro, waving his scythe threateningly he grunts while reading the sign and says.

"You sell worker contracts? Tough luck beating me in that competition.
Two boxes of Captain Crunch the flavor with the red and blue ones."

Horny, being very lazy... calls over two of his dwarves to get the boxes when they are readied.

Horny, bruised from wrecking the car points to a steamroller and says

"Horny take two of those, they smash non-fighting goblins"

Horny, bruised from wrecking the car points to a steamroller and says

"Horny take two of those, they smash non-fighting goblins"
OOC: eh?

OOC: No worries, Horny has the money to pay for it. As for the non-fighting Goblins (this is in DK2) when you use Call of War the goblins usually don't fight they just whine about not having food. When I wrote that I pictured Horny driving a steamroller down a 20x1 corridor filled with goblins level 1. heh

Horny throws a large sack of gems at the car salesman and seriously contemplates opening a used car shop to make the money back.

George pulls out a rather large bazooka and says. "We can not allow you to defile the sanctity of the kilt by selling it in your store. Either discontinue the selling of the kilts or we will be forced to destroy you."

The man throws his hands in the air and begans to walk backwards.
"Wo man. Put that thing down. We just asked if we could set up a stall sellign these. If you dont want us to sell kilts, I dont understand why, after all we are scotish. But I digress, Igf you dont want us selling kilts, we wont, but may we sell the other things?

Horny turns back to the so called "worker contract" salesman, and waves his scythe again, threatiningly in his face.

All but the worker contracts, that is my business, and the kilts if George says it should be. now what about that captain crunch!?

OOC: WhEre Is YoU aLl?/?

A giant and some more trolls (real trolls) climb out of Horny's creature hole.

The giant starts forming a large hill out of all the mud the imps have been bringing while the trolls start building supports for ceilings.

"We shall remove kilts and worker contracts."
The man, Kyle, pulls out a box of Captain Crunch.
"We sell captian Crunch. This is a new kind, Berry Berry Cap'n."
Kyle takes out a bowl and spoon and pours some Captain Crunch. He then pours so milk and hands it to Horny.
"we would also like to sell bowls and spoons."

"We shall remove kilts and worker contracts."
The man, Kyle, pulls out a box of Captain Crunch.
"We sell captian Crunch. This is a new kind, Berry Berry Cap'n."
Kyle takes out a bowl and spoon and pours some Captain Crunch. He then pours so milk and hands it to Horny.
"we would also like to sell bowls and spoons."

Horny tastes it... contorts his face in concentration... and says

"DELICIOUS! I'll take fifty bowls of it, and no spoons, I will drink it!"

Horny puts a single large perfect emerald on the table

Kyle picks up the emerald and puts in it a trunk. Several men come out and pour 50 bowls of the captain crunch.

"Here is 50 bolws and 1 box, no charge on the box."

George puts the bazooka down and backs away slowly...

Horny reaches for his gem bag to give him a tip; but then changes his mind and calls over a goblin.

"Keep that gem safe, Kyle. This goblin will guard it, and later anything else you need."

George pulls out a long crowbar and goes back to his shop.

"Thank you very much."

"Why are you backing away George?"

OOC: Yeah DK is great, I have 1 and Gold I think.

IC: Alexus stood near the creature hole and shouted down.
"heeelllooooo. Can yooooouuuuu heeeaaaaaarrr meeeeee? I neeeeeed a warlooooocckkkk."

Horny leaves to his stall and converses secretly with a Dark Angel. He leaves and stands in front of George's stall.

Greetings again George.spots cloning machine mind if I chop your head off? So I can see you cloned? If you say yes... I will buy shadowy thief robes from you.


Horny has a look of childish hope on his face

"Sure." George says handing him an axe.

"Captain Crunch!"

"Yipee!

Swings axe far behind as if batting... backwards. Axe flies out of hands and hits support beam from Giant's cave. Horny gets out his scythe. "I will have to use this then, it will save your soul for you anyway" slices in one fluid motion catching from a centimetere above the collar-bone. Puts the soul in the machine, presses button.

"Yeah! Home run! Here is a large diamond for the robes, and your time."




"Oops... wrong button, we don't want the evil version... or do we...nah... not yet."

OOC: Hey, this guy is a demon here. It had to get a little gore.


IC: "Sweeeeeeeeet, where do I get a machine like that?

"Get your Captian Crunch!"

OOC:hmmm ooc questions but... IC...

IC: George!? Where are you? Cloning machine must not be done yet...

OOC: I see golden opportunitys here Camel Eaters

IC: "Well... if George isn't here I might as well make use of that cloning machine just let me take it back to my stall and ... "repair" it.

Horny grabs the machine and begins lifting...

Hmmm... George isn't coming back apparently, I better take over his stall for him.

Puts up sign that says: Horny's Helpers, temporarily ran by Dark Angel. George's Stall temporarily run by Horny.

"Get your spoons and bowls!"

Hmmm... need to promote business. Horny puts up a sign stating EVERYTHING IS ON SALE!!!!!!!!1

Orders giants to start mining out the inside of the mound they made. Imps to set up the supports the trolls made, and dwarves to get any gold inside and give it to Horny.

Alright, I am going, TG me if he gets back.

will not remember to do.

Well, then ask him to TG me then.

I'll take 20 packs of 100 workers

George climbs out of the machine and kicks the crap out of Horny and takes his stall back from the demonic entity.

in an attempt to make sure his life isn't endangered, makes a sign saying "CONSUMER-DOES NOT OWN STALL" and begins wearing it

Another problem has arisen for my entire region. We have been constructing bridges between our floating islands, and are also working on other strutures, such as the Great Imperial Embassy Tower, Great Trade Center, and Jesusworld Precincts' barriers, but the required resources greatly exceed what we managed to prepare. If possible, we request, from anyone, 5 tons of any tough, malleable type of titanium alloy, 20 tons of raw marble, 10 tons of silicon (any form or compound will do), and 30 tons of iron ores. Anyone able to supply us with any of the above, please reply.

Char X'en Shinoua
Head of Gohmessian Trade and Sales

George smirks as he takes down the order. "Please, that might be a problem if I were a n00b but an experienced stallman like myself can get it to you in a matter of hours. For the titanium alloy we got Hermanite it's mixed in space no worries about as thin as my thumb and reacts to your brain waves. For the marble we've got a nice sheen on the rawness of it so when these babies are molded and all well it will be like looking directly into the sun if you keep it to clean. The silicon is from a good eating plant and the iron ore is from our colony in Zemlja. Will that be paper, plastic or triple milar?"

Thanks. List a price and I'll wire the money. Drop off the supplies at Lord Gohmess I's central supply depot (we'll reply with coordinates) whenever you ship them out.

Char X'en Shinoua
Head of Gohmessian Trade and Sales

"Well twenty billion should cover that massive amount of rock you purchased. I have a plane on the way right now."

Deduct from all countries in the region as needed. If you need confirmation, send telegrams to each of them.

Pay up or we'll dumping it on your major cities.

I've gathered the funds. Money Wired.

do you sale weapons :sniper: :mp5: if so telegram me to sell

Man you got to ask can't come in here waste my time like that. Read the thread we sell everything

i wish to buy the special

Ah yes the special. Inflicting horrible pain for centuries.

The Special:
800 firebombs they burn at 20,000 Celsius

90,000 AK-47s with enough ammo to level a building

350 flashbombs

20 grenades per soldier

300 of my war beasts

That comes to a grand total of $400,000 USD

i'll take it

ok ill own your butt in war no matter what :mp5: :fluffle: :gundge: :gundge: :gundge: :headbang:

:upyours: Just kidding buddy.

An exhausted General Blackstone, Supreme Commander Wolfish forces, looked up from the latest batch of casualty reports.

"I need sleep," he said to his empty office. He stood, stretched his back, and walked over to his bar - poured himself a scotch and returned to his desk.

The pamphlet sitting on the corner of his desk caught his eye.

The Imperial Market
We Sell Everything - No Limits
Call : 555-1212 for details.

He picked up the black and white ad and re-read it.

"Everything eh?" he said laughing. "Alright, let's try this."

He picked up his phone and the ensign sitting outside the door quickly responded, "Yes Sir - What can I do for you Sir?"

"Connect me to 555-1212 immediately."

"Yes Sir. Connecting now.....Line 1 Sir."

The General hit the flashing button on his phone. "Yes. I'd like to place an order."

"What would you like?" said the voice at the other end of the line.

"A good nights sleep - no bad dreams - no tossing and turning - a solid 10 hours without worry or care - waking up rested and ready for whatever tomorrow holds."

"Ten hours sir? Yes that will come to a grand total of three hundred USD." The semi-pink saleswoman nodded once ro twice more before ordering the agent to the place.

He rang the doorbell and walked inside before anyone could open it. he escorted the General to his bedroom and pulled out a long metal airgun or at least what the General thought was an airgun.

The man pressed it against his neck and pulled the trigger the General noticed that he no longer felt sleepy but that wasn't what he'd ordered. The man put a canister into the rod and explained "I've removed your sleep and am currently replacing it with the sleep patterns of a much more restful man. Don't worry he's dead he won't be missing his sleep. And in ten hours I will return and replace the sleeping patterns if you should so want it. Now before I inject you with this man's sleeping patterns would you like us to tweak yours so it will provide a most deep slumber?"

OOC: once you reply then the general will get what he needs.

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