NationStates Jolt Archive

OOC: Before your collective shit hits the fan, note this is RP, not RL. If you want to RP you hate my country fine. Personal attacks are foolish and show a lack of understanding what this forum is about and will be ignored

Lord Dall Ass looked at his science minister: "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes sir. We've checked and double checked, we've conducted double blind studies with men engaged in hetrosexual relations and men in homosexual relations. Same with women. We've tested for time of the month, use of condoms, lack of condoms, birth control pills, alcohol, illegal drugs, you name it, we tested for it."

"And you've established conclusively, men, absolutely cannot, under any circumstance, get pregnant and women can only do so if they have sex with a man or get inseminated like a cow?"

"That's right sir, no question about it."

"Well damn, that means the homos and lesbos are unnatural or at least cows like I always thought, and can't give me more population to rule over."

"Well, yes, at least if they follow their natural inclinations."

"What other inclinations could they follow? They're queer for god's sake. OK, leave me alone a minute, I gotta think, my head hurts."

The scientist left and Lord Dall Ass thought a minute (well, actually, it was only 53 seconds, but close enough). He then pulled out his tape recorder and dictated the following proclomation:

Whereas it has come to the attention of your Lord that homos and lesbos cannot breed except by unnatural methods and because the natural pupose of sex is to produce new people subject to my whims, we hereby declare homosexuality to be illegal, unnatural and immoral. All homosexuals will be arrested on sight and upon proof by accusation of their unnatural and sick incliniations, they will executed or sterilized and deported or, if a lesbo, artifically insiminated (jury choice). Bounties of $5,000.00 and up will be paid by the government to those who identify and help prosecute the faggots among us. Let's keep Texarkania clean and secure for the generations we breed.
His Lordship,
Lord Dall Ass,
Reigning Lord in the abscence of our real Lord who is on vacation.

I RP that I hate your country!'

(jeez, I'ma good RPer.)

Would professional dyke hunters from Meletia be allowed to work as bounty hunters in your country for a brief period?

To Dall Ass of Texarkania;

The Republic of Mac Cumhail has, unanimously in Parliament and in accordance with the laws pertaining thereto, voted to condemn your government's policy toward people practicing homosexual lifestyles or behaviors. From the termination of this letter, the Republic of Mac Cumhail shall have no diplomatic contact with your nation save to arrange for the safe harbor of persons who wish to petition for refugee status until such time as you revoke this policy and oust the leadership responsible for implementing it. As of the delivery of this letter, a full embargo is placed on trade between Mac Cumhail and the nation of Texarkania. All merchant ships save those on refugee missions or in need of emergency aid will be turned away from our ports. Captains who persist will have their cargos seized.

In Parliament
Sean Dempsey, Prime Minister
Donchad O'Conner, National Defence Minister
Shamus Williams, Minister of Foreign Affairs
~Signatures of every member of Parliament, High and Lower Houses~

In his office in Tintagel, Sean Dempsey leaned back and rubbed at his face after putting his name to the document. It would be a long, long night, and he still had the summit to attend to early tommorow.

Would professional dyke hunters from Meletia be allowed to work as bounty hunters in your country for a brief period?

When can they get here? Would like us to supply them with Uzi's? or will they bring their own?

To Dall Ass of Texarkania;

The Republic of Mac Cumhail has, unanimously in Parliament and in accordance with the laws pertaining thereto, voted to condemn your government's policy toward people practicing homosexual lifestyles or behaviors. From the termination of this letter, the Republic of Mac Cumhail shall have no diplomatic contact with your nation save to arrange for the safe harbor of persons who wish to petition for refugee status until such time as you revoke this policy and oust the leadership responsible for implementing it. As of the delivery of this letter, a full embargo is placed on trade between Mac Cumhail and the nation of Texarkania. All merchant ships save those on refugee missions or in need of emergency aid will be turned away from our ports. Captains who persist will have their cargos seized.

In Parliament
Sean Dempsey, Prime Minister
Donchad O'Conner, National Defence Minister
Shamus Williams, Minister of Foreign Affairs
~Signatures of every member of Parliament, High and Lower Houses~

In his office in Tintagel, Sean Dempsey leaned back and rubbed at his face after putting his name to the document. It would be a long, long night, and he still had the summit to attend to early tommorow.

Dear sir:
You sound like a lesbian trapped in a man's body, you chase women, but for all the wrong reasons. Please be advised that we have terminated all oil shipments to you from our fields in the Gulf of Mexico, Texas and the NOOGEES conglomerate. Any ship of your's coming into the gulf is fair game for our navy or air force since they are obviously manned by "manly men" who "comfort each other" at night.
Lord Dall Ass

We don't use them. Our method is simple. A bounty hunter, selected for her looks and then trained in combat, enters a social area where dykes are suspected to frequent. She dresses like a normal, healthy woman, as even dykes know this is more attractive, but disguises herself with a few items from dyke culture. The bounty hunter will wait to be hit on by a member of the same sex, at which point she will lure the victim away from public, subdue and restrain them, and turn them over to the authorities.

We don't use them. Our method is simple. A bounty hunter, selected for her looks and then trained in combat, enters a social area where dykes are suspected to frequent. She dresses like a normal, healthy woman, as even dykes know this is more attractive, but disguises herself with a few items from dyke culture. The bounty hunter will wait to be hit on by a member of the same sex, at which point she will lure the victim away from public, subdue and restrain them, and turn them over to the authorities.

Deal, we'll pay you the stated $5,000.00 for each one your turn over to us for prosecution and an additional $1,500.00 if your bounty hunters will sign formal affidavits of accusation so we can deport or inseminate them, as a jury sees fit.

FOREIGN AFFAIRS MINISTRY OF ST GERMAIN
OFFICIAL COMMUNIQUE
TO: LORD DALL ASS

The Holy Republic of St Germain applauds Texarkania for introducing this just law. God and millenia of moral teaching rightly condemn this practice, and so it must be punished to the full extent of the law.
We do recommend however that you reconsider the penalties. Our own punishments for this most reprehensible crime are much more severe, biblically justified and enormously entertaining.

Signed,
President of the Holy Republic
Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of St Germain
General Secretary of the Christian Coalition of St Germain,
A.G. Lukashenka.

Official response from Kazar-Tiyon
Weak! If you don't like them, just have them killed. Why waste time with trials? Personally, I'd rather enslave those who displease me or conscript them into my armies, for now, but I'm certainly in favor of execution.

TPM welcomes Texarkania to the club of homosexual free nations.

To: Lord Dall Ass
From: CEO-Premier John Carter

Subject: Concerning the Homosexuals that you with to execute

It has come to my attention via the foreign office that you wish to execute a potential labor source, I see a mutual oppurtunity for gain here. We see an opportunity for mutual gain. You wish to deport criminals, and I wish for more laborers for some of my prisons, where the incarcerate are forced to work. If you wish to sentence your criminals to work in our prisons, we would welcome the extra labor as it would increase profits.

Dear sir:
You sound like a lesbian trapped in a man's body, you chase women, but for all the wrong reasons. Please be advised that we have terminated all oil shipments to you from our fields in the Gulf of Mexico, Texas and the NOOGEES conglomerate. Any ship of your's coming into the gulf is fair game for our navy or air force since they are obviously manned by "manly men" who "comfort each other" at night.
Lord Dall Ass

OoC: You mean the gulf of Mexico that you do not controll? :rolleyes:

Kelssek wholeheartedly condemns this outrageous act.

Well, duh, what else were we going to say?

*THE EIGHTEENTH PARLIAMENT OF THE DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF EVIL WOODY THOUGHTS*

RESOLUTION ON IMMIGRATION POLICY CONCERNING PERSECUTED HOMOSEXUALS (P.R. #173)

CONCERNED THAT the nation of Texarkania has used junk science as a justification for the persecution and extermination of a minority group within Texarkania's borders,

BE IT KNOWN THAT:

i. The Government of the Democratic Republic of Evil Woody Thoughts strongly condemns the actions of the Government of Texarkania,

ii. That a full trade embargo now exists between the aforementioned nations, and

iii. All homosexuals will automatically be granted social asylum upon arrival in Evil Woody Thoughts, provided that they are not members of the Falwellian terrorist organization.

*End Resolution*
----------------------------------
PASSED this Tuesday, 12 October, 2004, by a vote of 37 yea 13 nay, and signed by Prime Minister Whitfield at 2:09 AM.

OOC: This is my first true rp so let me know where I can improve :p

I'd condemn you, but I can't be bothered.

We will take all your homosexuals and lesbians off you. We will pay the price of 500$ for each of them delivered to our nation. We will provide delivery.
Comrade Josef Dorsal
Comrade Electorate of the PSRH

OOC-Oh,and looks good Woody >.>

The bounty hunters arrive at the airport. There's seven of them total, all rather striking. The first to get off the plane is a nicely toned brunnette with legs for miles, followed by an athletic girl with brown hair in a ponytail, followed by an innocent girl next door type, then a short girl with shorter raven hair, a gothic woman with long black hair, a bimbo-looking blonde, and lastly an extremely skinny girl with long blond hair. The women make their way to the house they're renting, having rather large boxes hauled for them.

In the basement, 20 cages large enough to hold a human being are unpacked. Each cage contains food and water bowls and a removable dish for waste. The girls then go to their bedrooms andtry on their sexiest clothing. The split up, each going to an area where a lesbian presence is likely. One goes to a women's gym, another to a more unorthodox nightclub, another to a coffee house. Not sure where to start, the other four walk along the streets for now, looking for a good lead.

*an officer dressed in black approaches. He has black leather gloves and what appears to be an iron eagle on his officers cap*

Good day to you sir. I have been Authorized by my commanders to assist you in your irradication efforts. You see we are experimenting on a new power source twice as efficient as coal. It turns out that gays are twice as flammable as normal humans. Hence the term flammers. It was no coincidence they are called that. I would like to propose a clean up service for all those who "dissappear" during your cleansing crusade. We could despose of the bodies and create a more effience fuel at the same time.

So the nation of P3X1299 is not the only one that wishes to obtain homosexuals? :eek:

So the nation of P3X1299 is not the only one that wishes to obtain homosexuals? :eek:


indeed. perhaps we could share the cost of shipment and you can keep all of the ones that survive. I will keep the dead as well as those who are close to death

indeed. perhaps we could share the cost of shipment and you can keep all of the ones that survive. I will keep the dead as well as those who are close to death

That sounds fair. The prison-factories need healthy workers anyway.

Faye, the leggy brunnette, heads into the gym in tight jeans and a tiny white t-shirt, with high heeled boots. She carries a gym bag over her shoulder, heading to the locker room where she changes into shorts, sneakers, and a different tee. She's a very attractive woman and she keeps an eye out for any other girl who might be eyeing her.

I'd condemn you, but I can't be bothered.

We will take all your homosexuals and lesbians off you. We will pay the price of 500$ for each of them delivered to our nation. We will provide delivery.
Comrade Josef Dorsal
Comrade Electorate of the PSRH

OOC-Oh,and looks good Woody >.>


and what? risk them coming back into your borders? I say let us take care of them. Dead men dont crawl back through your borders. Niether do those trapped in work camps

[tag]

OOC: man, Emanara's rp sound like the good begining for a porno, im paying close attention!

This is outrageous! Despite the fact that you are a primitive society, this will not stand! We will pay you one thousand of your currency units per 'lesbo' and 'faggot' captured.

OOC: man, Emanara's rp sound like the good begining for a porno, im paying close attention!

OOC: If porno involved no actual sex and a lot more turning people over to the government...

This is outrageous! Despite the fact that you are a primitive society, this will not stand! We will pay you one thousand of your currency units per 'lesbo' and 'faggot' captured.

*shrugs* its only the dead ones im interrested in. however, i may need to send in a special unit to....expedite....the order. *a sinister grin crosses the officers face*

((Uh, I was talking to Texarkania ))

ah. still though ;)

I'd condemn you, but I can't be bothered.

We will take all your homosexuals and lesbians off you. We will pay the price of 500$ for each of them delivered to our nation. We will provide delivery.
Comrade Josef Dorsal
Comrade Electorate of the PSRH

OOC-Oh,and looks good Woody >.>


OOC: Thanks for the compliment ;)

TELEGRAM beebeep bebeep bebeepbeep....

incoming.message.from.dr.abdilla.ambassador.to.the.shagatopian.region.stop

on.behalf.of.all.of.mellsylvania.the.prime.minister.wishes.to.extent.her.support.to.the.nation.of.ev il.woody.thoughts.in.their.efforts.to.assist.refugees.of.the.condemned.nation.of.texarkania.stop

furthermore.comma.we.wish.to.open.our.borders.to.assist.evil.woody.thoughts.in.coping.with.the.influ x.of.refugee.citizens.stop

mellsylvania.offers.its.services.of.socialized.education.and.medical.care.to.all.citizens.of.evil.wo ody.thoughts.comma.naturalized.or.otherwise.stop

you.and.your.nation.have.our.full.support.stop

sincerely.ambassador.abdilla.stop

end.stop

time is short. we must authorize my men to "evacuate" potential traitors to your country. these bleeding hearts are piling up and there is no time to waste. *signals vans marked "refugee relief" to head to the main gay district"* We will ensure that not only your undesirables are "evacuated" but that they never bother you again.

*calls power plants to tell them about the new load of "resources" that are on the way*

Without Lesbians, I wouldn't have any porn to watch, so BUGGER OFF!

lesbians in your country still exist, just not his. well in a few moments anyway :mp5: :mp5: :mp5: :mp5:

TELEGRAM beebeep bebeep bebeepbeep....

incoming.message.from.dr.abdilla.ambassador.to.the.shagatopian.region.stop

on.behalf.of.all.of.mellsylvania.the.prime.minister.wishes.to.extent.her.support.to.the.nation.of.ev il.woody.thoughts.in.their.efforts.to.assist.refugees.of.the.condemned.nation.of.texarkania.stop

furthermore.comma.we.wish.to.open.our.borders.to.assist.evil.woody.thoughts.in.coping.with.the.influ x.of.refugee.citizens.stop

mellsylvania.offers.its.services.of.socialized.education.and.medical.care.to.all.citizens.of.evil.wo ody.thoughts.comma.naturalized.or.otherwise.stop

you.and.your.nation.have.our.full.support.stop

sincerely.ambassador.abdilla.stop

end.stop


While we appreciate the offer of assistance, we feel that Evil Woody Thoughts is better equipped to deal with the economic ramifications of mass migration, due to our stronger economy.

Though it is true that Mellsylvania has a larger population, Evil Woody Thoughts has a Very Strong economy and so is in a better position to fund extended social services.

We appreciate the offer, however, and are interested in an embassy exchange. :)

Prime Minister Jacob Whitfield
Democratic Republic of Evil Woody Thoughts

OOC: Feel free to compare economic stats at http://nseconomy.thirdgeek.com/nseconomy.php?nation=Mellsylvania. It will show your economic stats and you can do a nation search for mine. :)