NationStates Jolt Archive

Techno music begins to fade away in the background as a camera focuses its view on a figure covered in jewelery and wearing the brightest Tommy Hilfiger tracksuit known to man

Ali G clicks his fingers

" 'ere me now. I iz ere today ready to make a plee to ve international community," he smiles," You see how dat rhymed?Check it but seriously, that rhymed too, I iz lookin for national leaders to come on me show and tell us about ver politics. Who knows afterwards me uncle Jamal might be able to arrange for him some poonani. If you is man enough and not a chi-chi boy then come step up to da plate."

Ali's broad white smile appears again as the camera starts to zoom out and techno music begins to fill the airwaves.

OOC: This could be interesting... :D

"Yo like I iz waitin."

The Supreme Theocrat of Further Maths, clutching his Rosary, is up for the challenge. He will show everybody just how cool (or whatever young people nowadays say) he can be.

right...

"Now then, Mr. G, what would you like to discuss?" said a slightly uncomfortable looking Theocrat

"Yo easy tiger let me introduce you and the show first."

The techno music faded away and the lights and camera focused on the two contrasting men as they sat in a neatand tidy hotel office.

"Today I ave none uver than the main man imself da Supreme, you gettin dis, da supreme Teocrat of Furvar Maths."

He turns to face his guest,"So wat iz Mafs?"

"What? Oh, um, well. Maths is a scientific discipline, dealing with the fundamental truths of the universe, numerically and algebraically. My, I mean, our nation is founded on such principals as logic and thought, and held together by the Catholic faith which is so dear to all our hearts. Hence the name of our great nation."

"So wat is Furvar maths?,"smiled Ali,"And wiv all due respect what the fuck is Catolicism."

Unaccustomed to the use of such language in his presence, the Theocrat reels a little, before regaining his composure.

"Well, Mr. G, Further Maths is a deeper study of all things mathematical. More specifically, it is the name of an academic qualification that I gained in my youth. Ah yes, I wasn't always a supremely powerful national ruler, you know. Once I was a student..."

He quickly wakes from his revery. "And Catholicism is a kind of religion. You may have heard of Christianity? Well Catholicism is one of the many branches of Christianity, the oldest in fact. My government tries its best to guide the nation according to the teachings of this religion."

OOC: tag

IC: a somewhat intoxicated Press Agent would like to schedule Landgravine Hubris (Equivilant to Prince of Wales) to do an Ali G show.

http://www.eng.auburn.edu/users/donatgw/victoriatiny.jpg
Landgravine Hubris
Outer Consul of The FKC.

OOC: haha good stuff.

Id like to meet him with Magius, I promise Magius wont inflict any violence on Ali G. Maybe the crew though.

Yes, i am future tech, so just be prepared.

Ali turns to the camera with a strange look on his face as his guest started to go on about his youth.

"Riiight so can you have like Furvar Furvar Furvar Furvar Furvar Furvar Mafs? Or do only batty boys do dat?," Ali leans back arms opened out in a questioning matter,"And wat is dis stuff your talking about trees? I iz got a a tree in me Julie's back garden I dunno but like it might be a Christianity tree. Bit strange basing yo nation on a tree if you aks me."

Hmm...Who's next? I'd like to go.

Landgravine Hubris has been booked for the next show then Magius then your man if you like.

Ali's agent Uncle Jamal

The Fuhrer of Unified Sith Adolph Hitler would like to appear on your show.

Alright then, when's the next show?

The Theocrat has to think for a moment here. Not about the answer, but about the question.

"Tree? Oh, I see. I said the word branch, and that equated to tree. Right, well. I see what we're working with here."
He coughs and straightens his robe.

"Regarding your first question, I suppose it is possible to do Further to the n maths."
He considers for a moment.
"That means, Further Further Further Maths and so ad infinitum."
Another pause: "That means, and so on, forever. But I am not aware of an actual qualification with such a name."

"Now back to that tree thing. I didn't actually mean a tree as in a big wooden leafy thing in your Julie's garden. That is a tree, but Christianity is a religion. A religion is a way that people choose to live their lives. It almost always revolves around a supreme deity... that is, a really powerful big guy in the sky. Usually called God, or something like that. Ring any bells? Anyway, Christianity is a way of life that a man called Jesus, who lived a long time ago, told us would be a nice idea. Are you following me so far? Well that's what we do in Further Maths. We try and behave like this Jesus person I just mentioned."

OOC: This is one of best threads I have seen yet....LMAO!

Well whenever your man the Theocrat of Further Maths decides to answer Ali's questions once we've wrapped that up it'll be the next show.

Uncle Jamal

A'ight then, see ya, homes! *Tries to give West side sign, accidently gives Ali the finger* Sorry, I'm kinda new at that thing... :D

Ali starts to look all serious.

"Yo I ain't an idiot I know who God is. So why is you started to talk about trees if that ain't got nuffin to do with religion? Me mate Dave says he has a religion of his own," Ali smiles,"He listens to Bob Marley, smokes a bit of da ganga and he be lazin about at home all day gettin benefit pay. Tony Blair provides for him like welfare through the post office so is he his God?"

"Hmmm. This is a difficult one. As far as he is concerned, I suppose this Blair fellow at the Post Office is a god to him, given that your friend sees him as his chief provider. So in a way yes. But, at the same time, no. As far as I'm concerned, my God is his God too, because part of our belief is that our God is the God of the whole universe and everything in it."

He clears his throat, worrying that he might be waffling.

"So, basically, it depends on your point of view."

Then, almost as an afterthought, he added: "And it wasn't me who started talking about trees. It was you. I said the word branch, which you took out of context. Still, never mind."

[QUOTE=Further Maths]"Hmmm. This is a difficult one. As far as he is concerned, I suppose this Blair fellow at the Post Office is a god to him, given that your friend sees him as his chief provider. So in a way yes. But, at the same time, no. As far as I'm concerned, my God is his God too, because part of our belief is that our God is the God of the whole universe and everything in it."
QUOTE]

"Isn't that like a bit arrogant like as you seen your god bringin you benefit?"

Ali grinned.

"And I don't mind if you is got some connection wiv trees and all dat nature shit if you wanna talk about branches,"Ali leans in towards his guest and whispers,"but like I just don't wanna confuse me TV viewers who tink we is ere talkin bout mafs."

As a reflex reaction, the Theocrat half leans away as the interviewer moves closer for his conspiratorial exchange. He brushes a non-existant speck of dust from his shoulder.

"My dear sir," he whispers back, "I have spent many, many years studying maths and physics. I'm an honourary professor at one of the world's greatest universities which, I don't mind telling you, is in Further Maths. I'm constantly surrounded by some of the greatest minds in the world and I have never been so confused before as I am at the moment."

Still smiling, he says out loud to the camera: "Well, let's leave the trees alone, now shall we, and change the subject. I say, did you get that? LEAVE the TREES? You see, trees have leaves. Hehe. Oh I'm so funny it hurts.

"Ahem. Yes, well. Back to your question: It might be considered arrogant to consider our God as the God of everybody else, I suppose. But I assure you that I never force my own beliefs on anybody. Of course, those who do disagree can expect significanly greater tax in Further Maths, but they don't mind that. All in the name of religious freedom."

"If you is gettin confused you can't be all dat smart,"mutters Ali just loud enough so the viewers can hear,"Do you fink mafs can be made more attractive to da youth of today? Like if you got 4 Honkys walkin down the street and a bruva bukkas one of dem with his AK,"Ali gesticulates firing a gun," then you only got 3 honkys left. You get me?"

"And we don't need to keep on the nature business so maybe you should leave it. I don't mean to be rude now but now isn't da time for it."

Ali shakes his head waiting for the Theocrat to respond.....

"You'll have to excuse my ignorance, Mr. G. I only understood about half of what you just said. What is a honky and what is a bruva. Oh, and what does bukka mean? Are they kinds of bird?"
The Theocrat then brightens. "However, I do believe that maths can be made more attractive to the youth of today. You could highlight the mathematical complexities of their favourite sports. For example, chess is a very mathematical sport. Analysis of variations and so on. Maths can, with the aid of a computer, be used to study a game of chess very deeply and we know how much children enjoy that sort of thing. As I always say, chess is the most fun you can have with another person.

"What? Did I say something funny?"

I believe I can translate.
"Like if you got 4 Honkys walkin down the street and a bruva bukkas one of dem with his AK,"Ali gesticulates firing a gun," then you only got 3 honkys left. You get me?"

Means: If you have 4 white people walking down the street and a black man kills (hits) one of them with his AK (assault rifle)... then you got only 3 white people left.

Ali starts laughing.

"Dat is a well good joke. As if anyone hactually plays wat you call it chess. I mean you have to be a chi-chi boy to play dat. And an honky you know like a milkbottle? White guy? Like you you shouldn't feel bad they say you can be an Honky and still hung like a donkey."

"Well, in Further Maths, you would have many, many white people very quickly. Most of them would be police men. The murderer would quickly be rehabilitated, forcefully. I'm not sure it would help the cause of maths for the youth."

OOC: If we can wrap it up soon, and let the next leader stand up. I'll have to leave you shortly

"Hmmm, actually chess is the national sport of Further Maths. And I'm sure you're making half of those words up as you go along. Certainly none of them are Theocrat's English."

"Yo well I'd like to thank the main man over ere," he puts his hand forward in the shape of a fist,"He as enlightenened us ere about da world of mafs. Before he goes I'd like to clean up one conspiracy theory I is eard from me mates. Is it true 2 plus 2 is 4?"

The Theocrat takes from his pocket a large and powerful graphical calculator. He presses a few buttons.

"Yes. I can definitely confirm that 2+2 = 4. Thank you, Mr. G, for your time."

He stands to leave, smiling at the audience.

OOC: So who's here to be the next guest and what do you all think?

OOC: So who's here to be the next guest and what do you all think?

OOC: Very good. Entertaining. I'm here! :p

OOC:Who's your man/woman?

The hippy known as Pierce Rhubee.

OOC: He's a dude.

OOC: I beleive the Landgravine was next.

Quick Bio (if Needed)

Landgravine Hubris
Outer Counsul of the Federated Klatchian Coast

School: Thunderbay University, Degree Physics
Princton University, Ph.D. Nuclear Physics

Military Service: Major, Third Marine Tank Division A+H
Present Status: Overall Commander, Joint Defense Forces.

OOC: That's right. He's next. I'll go after.

Ali Clicks his fingers.

"Ere me now! Today we is ere to discuss the laws of physics and war. Me man ere knows a bit or two about dat. So who is Isaac Neutron?,"he says turning to face his guest.

His guest is a quite attractive woman, with red hair and light blue eyes. Her athletic build is cloathed in a blue silk jacket and skirt, with a white blouce.

She smiles at Ali G, "Well...are you asking me about Sir Newton, the guy with the apple, or Isac Neutron who is a cartoon character I believe? Or was he one of my past boyfreinds? I think there was an Isaac back there someplace...for a few weeks anyway."

She chuckles at the joke.

Ali smiled,"Either way I bet I've been blessed with a bigger dong bone,"he claps his hands together and rubs them vigorously.

"But seriously, we is ere to discuss a serious topic don't go round in squares. Isaac neutron you know who I iz talking bout. I know dis ain't confidential."

*whispers to Ali* Psst. Your stage manager told me to tell you it's Isaac Newton.

Ali turns round,"Dis is my show did anyone ask you to talk. She knows what I am aksing."

He moves back into a position facing his current guest before the other could reply.

Ok, Ok. *Sits down. Gets a pen and a note pad out. Writes something on it. Gives it to Ali* It reads, "Your fly is open."

"Well, I guess I'll go with Newton...basicly Newton was an Alchemist who started to work out the matematical principles for moving objects, and in the process re-invented calculus."

Victoria smiled at the camera, "Neutron is a computer animated boy genius or something...A freinds neice watches it regularly."

Ali looks at his note and turns to the guest behind him,"I is wearing Tommy Ilfiger tracksuit bottoms they ain't got flys."

He returns to his main guest.

"Why is you using batty words like claculus and who hactually cares bout moving objects."

*Thinks to himself* "Hmm, must be hallucinating again..."

Victoria looked behind Ali for a moment, nodded and then returned to looking at Ali. "Hey, I didn't name calculus, Newton figured it out...as to why anyone cares about moving objects, well...lots of people do...for lots of reasons..."

She shrugged, "Of course physics controls how Bendham gets the ball in the goal...there is a moving object people care about that you can relate to, the soccer ball."

Uh oh, Ali is sleeping or something.... :confused:

"Who the fuck is bendham? Me mate dave couldn't give a monkeys how a 'soccer' ball moves, its a football, as long as it ends up in David James's net and he looks like a batty."

OOC: People do have a life apart from this.

To: Producer of "da Ali G Show", Maslawyia
From: Iuthian Diplomatic Corps, Central Command, Iuthia Prima
Subject: Application for the show.
Message:

[Activating Ali G Translation Software]

We would dig to display our interest in attendin' "da Ali G Show" lata in da series. 'oweva, checkin' as Lord General deGritz is busy organisin' 'is weddin' we is afriad he will not be able to make it fa a personal apperance. In 'is place we offa Ambassidor Kayla Harmone, a close personal main man to da Lord General an a experienced representative of da Iuthian government durin' conferences. We 'ope dis is acceptable.

fanks,

Foreign Minister Mick Lakely, Iuthian Diplomatic Corps

As long as he is a significant person in terms of political knowledge. Then that is fine.

Uncle Jamal

Victoria just laughed, "Quite, your mate only cares about the results. Not about how to get the ball to fake out the goalie and get in the net. Perhaps I was mistaken I thought there was an English soccer star by that name..."

"Oh, well. So why do you want to know who Newton was anyway? Since you don't seem to care about his work all that much, or were you really intrested in that cartoon character?"

OOC: In that case I'll give you some ideas by briefly covering Ambassador Kayla Harmone's history. Technically she is a unattached Ambassador who is often sent to nation who have no formal relations with Iuthia and as such, no Ambassador to their nation. She has attended any number of important events with the Lord General and linked with the attached information below as well as various peace conferences and important talks... most notably events such as Aerions Airship Party, the Feminany Peace Conference and the meeting with the NDA to discuss alliance matters.

She is concidered to be one of the most senior members of the Iuthian Diplomatic Corps, possibly even on par with Mick Lakely himself who is the offical leader of the Iuthian Diplomatic Corps. She has a good reputation around the world as a strong female diplomat who conducts her affairs with honour and strength. She is also coming to terms with the fact she is a lesbian but that isn't public knowledge, even if it was Iuthian's are relatively uncaring about such things.

An Interesting Thread Hijack from the Feminany Peace Conference (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=357057&page=10&pp=15) - This one isn't public knowledge, but I'm sure that you can insinuate her sexual orientation (like I know the real Ali G probably would).

Another Quick Reference about Kayla (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=6898286&postcount=85) - Again, not public knowledge but don't for more understanding about the character.

"Yo, if you is gonna be difficult. Just cos you want my dong you know I don't mind but like not on like TV. My cousin Borat does that sort of thing."

Imperial Communications Command Console v3.21.5.71
To be pleased entering username, password, to be confirming existance/presence. Identify to be announced.

Entity: ******|***|*****|***\**\/*****
Access: **|\****/)****(*****||***\***

To be confirmed.

Engaging translation system...

::English:Ebonic-type

To be confirmed.

System is of Online Status.


"Yo yo yo yo!! The Mekantan Empire is in the hisissouse!!" (sic)

"Listen yo primative asses up! Da man, da main man of Mekanta's pad on dis here rock, Administrator Kuroi, agrees ta get wit da speakin' wit yo unevolved Terran ass."

"Dis here badass mutha iz da leader of Mekanta Zero, and one smart mutha too. He'll be bringin' his guards, so nobody betta start no trouble, aight?"

"Peace the frell out, biznatches."

-OOC-
Future tech.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/MachinaKyrios/AdminKuroi2.jpg

This is, as said in the picture, Administrator Kuroi. He's highly anti-human rights, anti-human equality, and anti-human in general. He'll call Ali G "ape", "primative", and various other anti-Human phrase in his vocabulary of insults in English. He won't use his psychokinetic abilities unless someone in the stage crew pisses him off, though. ^_^

Uhh, just so I understand, am I still next?

Victoria's eyes turned very icy cold. "You don't want me to be difficult, and I am trying not to be."

She leaned over and wispered into his ear, "And if you propostion me again I will tear off your dong and stick it up your a**."

She leaned back, "Now you said something about wanting to know about war?" in a much brighter tone.

"I like it when you talk all dominivant," Ali grinned,"So what is the best way to fight a war?"

The Landgravine nodded, "Not to...damn expensive really...horror on your income. But if you have to fight a war, fight dirty. I beleive in the maxium that the fastest way to end a war is make your enemy think it's too damn expensive to keep fighing you for whatever they want."

She looked at the on camera, "Of course if you want something, better not let the other chap know what it is until you have it."

"Surely the best way is to go up to the leader of the enemy Boris or whateva he's called and go 'YO Boris stop being such an EEEEEUGH,"mimes like a spastic,"Callin im names will make him feel,"he whispers," this big.

Ali motions a gesture of something small with his hand.

Victoria shakes her head, "Nah, Boris is only going to pull out his fourty five and cap your a**, then take all that flashy jewlery of yours down to the pawn shop and get himself a girl for the night."

She leans back again. "Remember wold leaders usually respond to ridicule with violence, hell that is how the FKC and Drakonia are in a cold war. They insulted me, and I said that using ICBM's with conventional warheads was the supidest thing in the world, and made comments about their sanity. They called me a heartless bi*** because I wouldn't cry over the few millions that got turned into dust by those nukes. Things just degraded from there..."

"Yo I never knew Boris was a playa hata,"said Ali with a concerned look on his face,"Well thank you Ms.Whateva your name is wit the juicy babylons. Today we've learned that war is for spaz's."

Clicks his fingers and balls his hand into a fist and holds in front of his guest,"Respect."

The Landgravine stood up as the camera went off line, took off her mike, and the leaned down again and whispered. "Good day Mr. Cohen, please send my regards to your father, my fiancee really found his shop quite helpful." She rose again and existed stage left.

OOC: Good god, you have to do a "Borat's Guide to [Insert Nation Name Here]"

It'd be perfect.

OOC: Who's next? Am I?

OOC: I need a bit of a break. Borats guide has already been planned :cool:

So who's next?

-OOC-
I think Shiznayo, but if you want to move Kuroi or someone else ahead since Shiznayo isn't on...

OOC: Tell me a bit about your man and his political significance then we can kick off.

-OOC-
Kuroi is the leader of Mekanta's assets on Earth. He's at the third highest rank bracket in the Mekantan government, and the overseer of Mekanta's Modern Tech forces.

He is, by all accounts, a giant prick. Very racist against humans. He has psychokinetic/psionic abilities, but he won't use them except to telekinetically bitch slap a stage hand or crush one of his mechanical body guards for screwing around. He's very intelligent, and actually tolorant of people he hates. He would likely come with three Triumvirates of Akujin units (see above for pictures.)

OOC:This is a TV SHOW he can have a couple of guards but don't exaggerate on the whole units stuff.

-OOC-
I know. They'll be off camera. Most they would interact would be shouting things in a combination of Engrish and Mekantan. ^_^

Probably won't factor in at all.

Trip-hop beats start to fade and flashing strobe lights calm down leaving only a black TV screen. Suddenly, spotlights blast their beams upon a single solitary figure kitted out in a white and black latex baggy Tommy Hilfiger tracksuit.

*Finger clicks Ali G starts walking towards the seating area.*

"Ere me now! Today we iz in the presence of none uver than the leadar of the nation of Meccano,"a stage hand whispers something across the stage,"Yo Mekanta dat is. He is ere to tell us about his powers and what it takes for a bruva to become one of the big boys."

The music starts up again for a few seconds before dying down with the cameras focusing on Ali and his guest sitting down

"Yo, so what does it mean to be telepafetic?"

"Hmph!"

Kuroi's eyes, normally softly glowing red, flash just before he blinks.

"While I doubt your primative mind can comprehend the subtleties of my psychokinetic abilities, telepathy requires intimate knowlage of the mind of primative apes, humans, if you will."

((OOC: My guy is not a leader per say. He is Robert Chavez, leader of the capitalist party in TIOR. It's called the Corporate Party here. Can he come? And since he's hispanic, I'm sure it'd be interesting.))

Ali starts to smile,"So it must be pretty hunk dory for you gettin jiggy wiv it all the time? All vat intimacy."

Kuroi raises an eyebrow, blinking.

"... What do you mean- NO!! Not THAT kind of intimacy, ape! I mean-"

"... Oh, what's the point? It's not like you'd understand anyway."

"Yo, I iz got my 5 GCSEs and 2 A-Levels. Last night I was gettin telepathetic wiv me Julie,"he winks at Kuroi.

"So what do you do wiv your intimate,"he smiles," telepafetic powers?"

Kuroi smirks evilly, looking off stage.

"Unit. Come here..."

As one of the menacing looking Akujin unit starts slithering toward the stage, Kuroi holds out his hand. Once the Akujin is in camera view, Kuroi closes his fist.

Immediately, the Akujin is crushed.

Kuroi looks back toward Ali G, smiling. "Something like that, ape."

The newly appointed delegate from
The Most Serene Republic of Vaginal Sunshine
requests an INTERPRETER be present for these discussions.
:headbang:

"Who is you callin' an ape. As me Julie would testify I iz more like a donkey,"he grinned,"I will admit dat is pretty impressive but what iz da point wastin your energy? Like what you gonna do if a little kiddy walks up to you and just kicks you in da balls,"shrugged Ali.

"Donkey...? Are you sure you don't mean chipmunk?"

Kuroi chuckled. He had been learning how Humans spoke for a while now.

"Chipmunk? Is dat some kind of national dish,"asked Ali inquisitively,"So what is it that you do in the nation of Meccano?"

wow, TAG :)

OOC: I'm back. I'll go after this guy is done.

OOC: Yeah definitely shiznayo sorry you missed your go last time.

OOC: Seems like he's logged off now...

-OOC-
Sorry, got dragged away by college stuff.

-IC-

Kuroi smirked.

"I, quite simply, manage all operations of the Mekantan Grand Armada in the Sol Star system. I am ranked below only the Grand Triumvirate and the Emperor of Mekanta Himself."

"Respec so is the emperor like da don, the main playa? Why isn't you the Emperor?,"asked Ali with a cheeky grin.

Kuroi's eyes narrow.

"Mekantan rank structure is... Different... The created can never outrank the creator. The Emperor created the entire Mekantan race. Nobody is above Him."

"Ait,"Ali clicks his fingers,"he must've ad a wicked time doin' all that creatin gettin all that poonani."

Ali then pulls a puzzled face,"So like if he created everything is he like yo dad?"

-OOC-
Sorry about the delays in my posting. Have to finish up a paper for science class, and my partner-in-crime keeps calling to make sure I'm not slacking off. Pfft. Like a mere phone can keep me from slacking! ^_^

-IC-
"More like a distant grandfather."

Kuroi smirks, idenfifying this as a chance to praise the Emperor... and thus increase brownie points with his God.

"And yes, he must have gotten very 'busy' as you apes put it. What female wouldn't want to mate with a living diety?"

"Yo I iz got to say dat is a bit mank,"said Ali pulling a disgusted face,"On dat note I would like to say tanks to da main man General Kuroi for teaching us about 'is nation obsessed wiv apes and born out of incest. Da nation of Meccano."

Ali stands up and starts rapping to the trip-hop thats starts filling the airwaves

"Me man Kuroi, looks like a boy without a toy, he iz telepathetic and like kinetic, so don't be pathetic when you is like telepathetic."

Ali clicks his fingers as the camera moves away from

"Ere me now, Respect."

Lord Commander Dante would like to appear on this show, but be warned, a 9 foot tall 3,000 year old Astartes chaptermaster is not somone to mess around with

Then whats the point? If you're looking for a straight forward interview go on CNN.

Queen Lavendar Serenade of Serafima would like to appear on the show to talk about her countrys sex laws.

Is this possible?

Dat would be wicked. Do you wanna go on now?

Me mate Dave

who, me?

Yeah you.

oh alright then
*enters the stage and sits down snuggling up to the presenter, Ali G i presume?, bearing a very obvious low cut dress*

*are you alright there* Lavender asks

Ali G stares at the camera with a huge grin.

"Yo I know I iz irresistable but you iz gotta calm down me Julie won't be appy wiv is."

Ali G stands up but whispers to the Queen as he does so,"You can see me dong later."


Hip hop beats blast all around and Ali does a poor impression of a break dancer before kicking of the show.

*Finger Click*

"Ait, respect today we iz ere to talk about my most specialistist subject. Sex. Me guest iz a well fit bit of poonani none uvar dan Queen Lavenda Serenade of Salmonella."

He moves over next to the Queen,"So does you take it up the batty or iz you like tight?"

I dont mind whatever :fluffle: ;) and its Serafima ;)

i can see your dong later aye? well that is good news, i havent come all this way for nothing :rolleyes:

And that rap you did, well, it really turned me on ;)

OOC: You can't talk using emoticons that does not make sense and come on use some quotation marks......tsk

IC: "So like what is yo nation on about iz you all a bunch of hos?"

well a majority of the population are women, and there are like a small team of us that go around trying to forge alliances, its an old celtic religion that when an alliance is made the agreeing woman from Serafima and the agreeing man from whereever have sex to celebrate, Its a much loved tradition

damn i want him now GRRRR Lavendar thinks

"I'm sure it is but what if it is like the man tinks 'eeeeeugh she's a bit of a minger she needs a paper bag' wat happens den cos wit all due respect despite yo swingin babylons your face,"Ali shakes his head.

He pauses.

"I mean I iz alright with the saying 'your not watching the mantelpiece when your pokin the fire' but you know its still a bit eeeeugh."

well i dont know I have never had trouble with any men before :rolleyes:

so you are saying i am ugly? thanks I was gonna give your down below a good loada loving but if your are going to insult me and my nations traditions forget it

"Yo I iz just pointin out de obvious no need to get vexed,"Ali says slightly confused,"So is dere any men in your nation? Or is it all hos"

our army and navy are made up of men, but women mainly live, and with fairies being immortal we never die.

"So like me uncle Jamal was tellin' me about how we get like babies so where do you get yours from when like you is all women?"

our goddess blesses us with children and a majority of our children are from the alliance love-making sessions so we breed very strong healthy young boys or girls. Luckily I have never had children so far anyway. i am due to be married as well in a few days time

"So iz you a feminist?"

whats a feminist??? :rolleyes:

"You know like do you drink from da furry cup? Eat from da bushy bowl?"

no, none of the women are lesbians, we are all straight we often do not get to see eachother because we are often all on missions for the nation.

Can we finish now my mouth is aching and i need rest, I have not stopped travelling for three days...can i rest somewhere with someone?

please?

Ali starts to get up,"You could rest wiv me but I wouldn't want to split you in alf. Y'know it'd get messy."

He moved away to the main stage facing a camera,"Der you av it. We've learnt dat all the tarts have left our nations and found a save 'aven togeva. Wicked! I know where I is goin on me holidays Aaaaaait!"

*Finger Click*

The music kicks off and the camera fades away from a grinning Ali G

arrrr you wouldn't split me in half, I have had bigger than you ;) :D :rolleyes:

President Mike Sarzo has expressed an interest in appearing on the show.

Please contact me via telegram to make further arrangements.

Becky Davis
Executive Secretary to the President
Incorporated States of Sarzonia

its great :)

Who's next?

Uncle Jamal

Iz no-one gonna be on da show and like spread der message to da youth of today? Ait!

Ali G Himself the Playa and Don of West Staines

Robert Chavez remember?

The lights dim for a few seconds then an eruption of Roni Size drum and bass fills the room with flashing strobe red and green lights. Bootylicious dancers surrounded the basketball jersy wearing, goateed bling bling host. Before everything calms down

*Finger click*

"Booyakasha! I iz today in da presence of a politician. A man who knows da difference between a Whopper and a Big Mac you get me? Today we iz gonna talk about some real shit,"Ali then starts to whisper,"shit that could affect your lives."

He sits down on a chair opposite his guest in the studio.

"So Rob, if I can call you dat, who the fuck are you?"

Robert sits down.

"Yes you can call me Rob. I am leader of the Corporate Party of The Island of Rose. I am the main opposition to the Red Party, which is led by our President, Sergei Ilyanov. I am from Cuba. My family came here looking for freedom and we have that."

He clears his throat.

"The Corporate Party is a Libertarian Party. We believe live and let live. The economy should not be controlled and taxes should be eliminated. Are you with me?"

Ali clicks his fingers:

"That is wicked no taxes but like why is you using words like Liberheroin or whateva only Chi-chi boys use,"Ali pulls a confused face,"No-one in da world knows wat dat means like 'conflict' or 'discussion'. They is batty words init?"

Ali clicks his fingers:

"That is wicked no taxes but like why is you using words like Liberheroin or whateva only Chi-chi boys use,"Ali pulls a confused face,"No-one in da world knows wat dat means like 'conflict' or 'discussion'. They is batty words init?"

Back in his office, Alec was watching Ali's transmission.

"What the crap? Is that even English?"

Ali clicks his fingers:

"That is wicked no taxes but like why is you using words like Liberheroin or whateva only Chi-chi boys use,"Ali pulls a confused face,"No-one in da world knows wat dat means like 'conflict' or 'discussion'. They is batty words init?"

Robert cringes. He thinks to himself. I gotta go ghetto now.

"All right nigga, check it. My plan is to let you do whateva you want, just don't kill any homeboys. You don't gotta pay shit, don't gotta join the army, just don't do anything bad to my homeboys. Got it nigga?"

He clears his throat.

"Well?"

((OOC: I'm surrounded by Cubans and blacks... that's why I know ghetto speak if you will))

Suddenly, a crash occured outside the TV studios. An Imperial Shuttle has landed, er, not so softly.

"Mihoshi! Can't you land properly?" I asked, feeling dazed (@_@) as I got out of the ruined shuttle. Then I turn to cameras, brushing dirt off my Jedi tunic and pants. "Oh, hi. I'm the Heir to the Imperial Throne, Daniel Masaki. I'm also a Jedi Knight. In training, at least. I'm here for interviews with this Ali G."

"Waaah! I'm so sorry!" The lady pilot cried. "I just can't seem to land properly!"

"That's ok. You can rest now."

"Thank you!"

As she ran off to a restaraunt, I walked up to the studio.

Ali reclines back and smiles,"Yo I neva knew you was a playa respect,"he holds out his fist to Chavez,"So tell me like what is all this shit about Red Party does it mean you is like da black party? You bein' espanic like how do you get down in da world of politics isn't d like racialistic wiv all does colours?"

Dave stares at the person walking towards him,"Yo I don't two shits weva you is a Jedi you can fuck off in the lounge over der they got some rolos and lemonade. I'll holla when someone tinks you is relevant."

Ali reclines back and smiles,"Yo I neva knew you was a playa respect,"he holds out his fist to Chavez,"So tell me like what is all this shit about Red Party does it mean you is like da black party? You bein' espanic like how do you get down in da world of politics isn't d like racialistic wiv all does colours?"

Robert chuckles.

"Nigga I'm doing it so it can get in yo mind. And no nigga, you can be pink and join the Red Party. There are no brothas in TIOR. But that's because slavery never existed. So no slavery no niggas ya heard?"

He takes out a pamphlet, looks at it, and throws it across the room.

"That's what I wanna do to the Reds. The Reds believe corporations, which is like a big gang, kill brothas like us. Corporations are good gangs, they help the neighborhood. But the Reds think that they be bad boys, and maybe some are bad, but they want to keep us down, they don't let us grow! Them the Reds."

He chuckles.

"25% of TIOR is made of refs like me. We have refs in Parliament, in the Ministry which is the President's close homeboys, and we even have a city to ourselves. We even had an ref hispanic, who was a girl. No racism in TIOR, except the Fascists, but they be stupid."

He tilts his head.

"Got that?"

Dave stares at the person walking towards him,"Yo I don't two shits weva you is a Jedi you can fuck off in the lounge over der they got some rolos and lemonade. I'll holla when someone tinks you is relevant."
"Hmph." I said. "Fine."

I ordered a Coke and some pizza as I'm underage.

OOC: Someone attack me, please? :D

"Yo if you is a playa what side iz you on? Westside or Eastside cos like I iz from West Staines where we like had turf wars ovar like Maccie Ds."

"Yo if you is a playa what side iz you on? Westside or Eastside cos like I iz from West Staines where we like had turf wars ovar like Maccie Ds."

Robert laughs.

"Nigga I live in the middle. I be all them staines."

"How's dat work?,"Ali looks confused,"That's like back stabbin if I someone from my side jumped to da Eastside crew I'd bukka dem! Boof!,"Ali mimes gunning someone down.

"How's dat work?,"Ali looks confused,"That's like back stabbin if I someone from my side jumped to da Eastside crew I'd bukka dem! Boof!,"Ali mimes gunning someone down.

Robert rolls his eyes.

"Forget it. Do you know proper English?"

Ali G-

My homely dog biscuit Gee. Do you take live calls? Yo yo's go up and down. Raising the roof now. The dogs have been let out my homely french fries.

Ministry of Trade
Minister Nanoo Joel Anubi
Fodmodmadtol

Ali rolls his eyes,"Like yeah im not talking French am I,"he leans forward and pulls a stupid face,"A dab ba dab ba dab."

Ali rolls his eyes,"Like yeah im not talking French am I,"he leans forward and pulls a stupid face,"A dab ba dab ba dab."

Robert sighs. "People like you make the white man hate people like us..."

Robert looks shocked. "Oh uh... you didn't hear nothing..."

Meanwhile his guards were ready to defend him.

Ali looks seriously confused,"What the fuck? Is you being some sort of mofo?"

Uncle Jamal walks in and the cameras are cut temporarily,"This is a fucking media centre so your guards better put their guns down. You are stepping out of line. This is a TV show you chose to come on and which gave you the privilage of being on. You know perfectly well that any physical violence will be dealt with seriously especially as it is unprovoked."

An ugly brute of a Rodian and his bad-breath pet human came up to me.

The human smirked. "Well, well. Hey Deedo! We got a kid here!"

The Rodian answered in Huttese: "(Yeah. We don't like brats here! Now fuck off!)"

I tried to ignore them, concentrating on my meal.

"Hey! Did you hear what we said? I said go away!" The man said, grabbing my shirt collar. I wrinkled at his booze-breath.

"I would go away," I said. "But you're in my way, stink breath!"

"You little bastard!" The drunk roared. Unfortunately for him, I pushed with the Force, sending him flying into the nearest table.

The Rodian pulled out a blaster, ignoring the "No guns! No guns!" of the poor bartender. From my perception, time seemed to slow down, as I whirled around, lightsaber ignited, and the silver blade slashed the Rodian's arm. He went down with a howl of pain.

"Fuckin' Jedi!" The other lowlife shot a red bolt and I reflected it into the roof, then slashed at him. He's out of the game.

"Does anyone else wish to fight?" I said, not even breathing hard. My senses are completely alert and my eyes trailed the bar for trouble. None rose to the challenge and I extinguished the blade. "Good."

I went back to my pizza and no one bothered me again. I waited for Ali G to call.

Ali looks seriously confused,"What the fuck? Is you being some sort of mofo?"

Uncle Jamal walks in and the cameras are cut temporarily,"This is a fucking media centre so your guards better put their guns down. You are stepping out of line. This is a TV show you chose to come on and which gave you the privilage of being on. You know perfectly well that any physical violence will be dealt with seriously especially as it is unprovoked."

Robert walks up to Jamal and whispers in his ear. If you guarantee that he will not beat me mercilessly, my guards will throw away their G36s. If he does, there'll be a Rosian Army knockin on your door. The Red Party might hate me, but they don't want me dead."

He smiles and snaps his fingers. The guards drop their guns and .45s. They then take off a knife and drop it, take the UZI from their sides and drop it, and then nod as they sit down and eat popcorn.

Robert sits down looking at Ali G. "Man I'm not a mofo, you do realize that this is what people think of brothas like us. Right?"

Uncle Jamal attempts to point out the obvious:

"Ali G is a white, Jewish male whose real name is Sacha Baron Cohen. Deal with it and this program is extreme satirical pisstake. Do you understand? We are not hear to care about you but about ratings."

Uncle Jamal attempts to point out the obvious:

"Ali G is a white, Jewish male whose real name is Sacha Baron Cohen. Deal with it and this program is extreme satirical pisstake. Do you understand? We are not hear to care about you but about ratings."

Robert cringes. "You're fucking kidding me... he's Jewish?! Man this is enough to make me Socialist... well how the hell should I know he's Jewish?!"

Robert smirks. "Okay. I'm sorry. Turn the camera back on..."

((OOC: He is colored black by the way right? You never said he was white...))

OOC: Have you ever seen the Ali G show! He's a white guy who acts like he's black and is extremely intelligent but acts like he's stupid.

Linfield Articus Hannon would like to come on this show. He is very laid back and would able to handle it i think.

OOC: Yeah and act like a dignified person thats the point it makes the show funnier and more enjoyable. Like when he interviewed the Further Maths guy.

OOC: Yeah and act like a dignified person thats the point it makes the show funnier and more enjoyable. Like when he interviewed the Further Maths guy.

((OOC: Gah. Well it's a bit too late ain't it?! I can make an excuse though... that Robert was high or something, it doesn't depress him but it makes him ghetto... eh I dunno...))

The cameras come back on and the show kicks off again.

"Yo is you like high or sumfin?"

The cameras come back on and the show kicks off again.

"Yo is you like high or sumfin?"

Robert drifts back to reality. You see, getting high makes him ghetto in a way, not relaxed. In real life he's a gentleman who uses large words. It must've kicked in the middle of the show, he sorta took a pill, yeah. I'm a bad liar right?

Robert shakes his head. "High?! Why would I be high? Now as I explained the Corporate Party is the best choice you can choose. It is our Libertarian Party and is the best choice for all. I will lower taxes and give people rights."

OOC: er, isn't someone gonna comment on the little firefight? ^^'

OOC: Be back later

The firefight can foy' et.

OOC: Yeah and act like a dignified person thats the point it makes the show funnier and more enjoyable. Like when he interviewed the Further Maths guy.

OOC: You mean to say you didn't think the Theocrat was cool and with it? :(

OOC: I think he was a more interesting character to mess around with.

OOC: Yes, that was the idea. When I saw your invitation I thought, "That's exactly the sort of thing the Theocrat wouldn't be suited to doing. It will be funny." A genius idea of yours. You'll have to do Alan Partridge next!

++Transmission++
Re: Can your leader handle Ali G?
Sent: Cardinal Mayo (On behalf of Ecchesiarch Apoul Pious)
Thought for the day: Count not thine Heretics before they are burnt.
++++++++++++++

In response to the opening on your program, we have dispatched High Inquisitor Gustov Dijon and Apprentice Inq Charity Burkenstock, along with a retinue of Chedder Marines, to represent the Holy Empire of the The most Holy Sandwich on your show.

The Inquisitor is authorized to answer questions in relation to current events within the Holy Empire and to expound on the virtues of the True Sandwich.

Acceptable topics may include:
The recent start of the 234th Grande Crusade
The severance of ties between the UN and the Empire
The glory and majesty of True Sandwich
Why Religious persecution is good for the economy
The arms and armaments of the Inquisitorial Chedder Marines

++End Transmisson++

OOC: perhaps interviewing the BORG king would be entertaining. Unlike the rest of the BORG he DOES have a personality.

Would y'all like to interview Linfield Articus Hannon or what?

Eh, it seems that my name has come into this thread somehow. How about you interview Eve Dworkins?

Hello, I used to be Maslawyia it was my temporary nation until I got Drum Gods reactivated. I'm sorry to say I'm temporarily going to have to shutdown da Ali G Show.