NationStates Jolt Archive


Hug Trees at your own Peril!

Roycelandia
17-09-2004, 11:51
Bwana Sahib National Park, Roycelandian East Africa

The protest had been going on for three days now- angry greenies, unwashed hippies, and man-hating feminists had all descended on the National Park to prevent the TimberTops Logging Company from chopping down a stand of Pine Trees that had been planted some 50 years earlier for the specific purpose of being cut down to make into timber, paper, and other useful things.

Head Lumberjack Warwick Cullen was not impressed. "Get a haircut, Hippies!" he called for the thousandth time that our over the chants of "Trees have feelings too!" and "Animals need somewhere to live too!"

What was worse, was that the Tree-Huggers had chained themselves to the trees, and one of them was lying in front of the Bulldozer which was going to be used to clear the trees once they'd been knocked down.

Cullen and the Hippie had a long and circuitous conversation, with Cullen explaining that the plans for the Logging had been on display for many months, and the Hippie pointing out that having them in a darkened basement with no stairs or lift access, locked in filing cabinet in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of The Leopard" did NOT qualify as having the plans "On Display".

The discussion was cut short by a member of the Colonial Guard striding up next to Cullen, along with two other soldiers. The two soldiers grabbed the Hippie in front of the bulldozer, smacked him in the gut with a rifle butt, and threw him in the back of a van.

Another truck full of Soldiers pulled up, carrying Lee-Enfield Rifles, with fixed bayonets.

"Attention, Protestors! You are hereby ordered to disperse from this location and return to your homes or business within One Hour, or you will be Guilty of Unlawful Assembly or Rioting, a crime which carries the penalty of a Vicious Wedgie and up to 14 years imprisonment. Get the hell out of here, or you'll be very, very sorry!"

The Protestors chanted louder.

An hour passed.

Some of the Protestors left. The remaining ones chained themselves to the Trees.

The Colonial Guard sergeant looked at his watch. "Time's up, Hippies!"

The soldiers marched up to the Hippies and started dragging some of them away, cutting the ropes with their bayonets. The remaining protestors had chained themselves to trees, to prevent the ropes being cut.
Those that were dragged away were kept at gunpoint, forced to watch what happened next.

"Mr. Cullen" said the Sergeant. "Tell your men to cut down the trees now."

"But, there are still protestors..."

"Cut down the trees. Now."

Cullen looked at the soldiers, and the angry protestors. He waved the Lumberjacks on.

The Lumberjacks started their Chainsaws, and advanced on the Hippies.

Cullen himself took a Chainsaw and started cutting down a Tree. The Hippie who had chained himself to the other side of the Tree stood defiant, until the Chainsaw cut into his stomach, spraying blood, woodchips, and internal organs over the other trees, lumberjacks, and protestors.

Some of the Protestors tried to unchain themselves from the trees, but the Colonial Guard drew revolvers and shot them in the kneecaps. Anyone who managed to unchain themselves was left where they fell, writhing in agony as blood-soaked trees were felled all around them.

Those held at gunpoint by the Imperial Guard were forced to watch the felling of the trees, and the gruesome deaths of those that had failed to unchain themselves. Any that looked away were bashed over the head with a rifle stock.

The screams of the Protestors being disembowelled by the Lumberjack's Chainsaws or being crushed by falling trees reverberated around the area, sending a flock of birds into the sky...

Ikon Furniture, Port Royal, Roycelandia

"And here, we have this lovely bedside table, ideal for the Guest Bedroom, or even the hallway, made from Polished Pine, with an African motif..."

"What's that funny red stain? I don't recall Pine being red..."

"It's a cross-breed of trees... yeah, that's it..."

"Oh, OK then. It has a delightful African feel about it... I'll take it!"

Imperial Palace, Port Royal

"That'll teach those Hippies a lesson. If you catch any of them off Coral Palm Island, break their legs and leave them in a ditch by the side of the road."

"Yes, Your Majesty..."

"And tell RskyB to broadcast something INTERESTING for a change. I'm sick of lifestyle shows, cooking shows, and chat shows. I expect more gunfire, porn, and comedy on the air by this evening."

"It shall be done, Your Majesty."

OOC: In case you hadn't guessed, Roycelandia has launched a crackdown on Hippies...
Haliae
17-09-2004, 11:57
(OOC: lol! And a lovely Addams reference, too. Good choice of rifle there, the Lee Enfield.)
Moleland
17-09-2004, 12:04
and the Hippie pointing out that having them in a darkened basement with no stairs or lift access, locked in filing cabinet in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of The Leopard" did NOT qualify as having the plans "On Display".

OOC: Very funny, i'm know off t read the rest of this post before I comment further, and maybe i'll comment IC
Dumpsterdam
17-09-2004, 12:05
Offical statement from the Emperor:

How about I come over there and break your fucking legs mr.president? Bet that would look actualy good on you.

Rift.
Moleland
17-09-2004, 12:07
OOC: 2 points 1) Why does everybody think hippies are unwashed
2) A bit nasty really, isn't it cutting down the trees?

IC: Moleand wishes to denouce the actions of your nation. Although we understand why you did it, I must request you won't every dop this again.
Roycelandia
17-09-2004, 12:41
Offical statement from the Emperor:

How about I come over there and break your fucking legs mr.president? Bet that would look actualy good on you.

Rift.

Roycelandia doesn't have a President... we have an Emperor. Regardless, no-one's ever gotten close enough to even try and break his legs. They fished the last person who even thought about it out of Lake Victoria a few years ago...
imported_Lusaka
17-09-2004, 12:47
Roycelandia doesn't have a President... we have an Emperor. Regardless, no-one's ever gotten close enough to even try and break his legs. They fished the last person who even thought about it out of Lake Victoria a few years ago...

Mr.Igomo maintains that he did not need anybody's help to get out, and that he was not sinking, merely adding a little drama to his story about that time a gorilla fell in his swimming pool. The estate of Mr.Igomo still refuses to pay the bill for a rescue operation he never needed, even if he did seem to be drowning in the northern end of the lake while he was in fact fine and knew perfectly well where the Lusakan shore was to be found.

Further, New Lusaka City officially condemns the brutality of the Roycelandian imperialist regime in the slaughter of peaceful protestors, as well as in the poor state of its education system such as would prompt people to protest the felling of a renewable forest.
The Parthians
17-09-2004, 16:14
Parthia applauds the slaughter of idiotic leftist hippies.
Roycelandia
18-09-2004, 12:02
Oddly, the news of the "dispersing" of the Protest has not been broadcast on Coral Palm Island...

OOC: Coral Palm Island is where most of the Empire's Hippies, Greenies, Lefties, Communists, and others are "encouraged" to live...
Middletonia
18-09-2004, 12:23
On behalf of all the nations in the region of Evil Villians Inc (ooc: yes i know it's corny but.......... SHUT UP) i would like to congratulate your firm handed and brutal approach. I think i shall adapt this against my own tree hugging hippies.

To think, i used to just release the hounds on them before.

This is so much more dramatic, and it really sends a firm message.

General Vlad Jnr
"poles are all very well and good, but you can't beat death by Gary Coleman. They go insane after 30 minutes of; "watch you talking about foo?"

works every time, they will tell me ANYTHING after that.

either that or the hamster dance on a endless loop.

MUAHAHAHAAHAAHA :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
0Tom
18-09-2004, 12:28
Roycelandia the Nation 0Tom ob behalf of the Omega Faction urges to leave the Hippies alone as we see this aas an illegal act yu have 24 hours for an apolgy to the hippies and declare it safe for them to protest this force that are in reserve at the moment will attack

100x Aircraft Carriers with 50 Aircrat on each
100x Battle Ships
100x Nuclear Submerines
2,500,000 troops
500,000 Speacail Opps

We urge you to comply
Sploddygloop
18-09-2004, 12:47
100x Aircraft Carriers with 50 Aircrat on each
100x Battle Ships
100x Nuclear Submerines
2,500,000 troops
500,000 Speacail Opps
We urge you to comply

Would you consider adding an English teacher to your war-party? One who can spell, perhaps?
0Tom
18-09-2004, 13:05
Sorry about spelling i take that u will not be withdrawing from killing hippies
The Mighty Quin
18-09-2004, 13:18
OOC-
Am I the only one who doesn't think a September nation can wield that much power? Meh just me.

IC-
We support your actions. If something stands in the way of advancement it should be cut down. Be it hippies or enviormentalists that congest a main road.
Orange state
18-09-2004, 13:40
0Tom: Roycelandia can annhilate your forces. You couldnt wield that much power with a 16 million population.

Secondly. Nice work again. Yes, even I got the hitchiker's references...
Fate and Honor
18-09-2004, 13:43
The Emperor applauds your actions against the hippies.
The Mighty Quin
18-09-2004, 13:43
Roycelandia, our nations seem to have similar policies on these types of people. And since we are both being threatened what would you say about an alliance?
Roycelandia
18-09-2004, 13:55
IC: The Imperial Roycelandian Government laughs heartily at your feeble threats. We stress that it is not official policy to kill protestors (indeed, anyone who pays attention to my RPs will know we tend to ignore them, or at least laugh at them before breaking out the Tear Gas), and we will not have our domestic policy dictated by anyone, lest of all relative newcomers to the International Scene.

We would welcome the establishment of closer ties with Mighty Quinn, and look forward to the signing of the relevant treaties shortly... Come all without, come all within! You'll not see nothing like the Alliance between Roycelandia and the Mighty Quinn! :)

OOC:

0Tom, you are aware that Roycelandia has a 2 billion+ population? Roycelandian East Africa (AKA Port Imperial) has 1 billion plus, not to mention Roycelandian New Guinea (something like 550million or so), Glimmer Twins, Coral Palm Island, and North Terristan... (well over another billion and a half or so between them).

To put it another way, it would be absolutely no effort at all for us to wipe out your invasion fleet, invade your country, crush all resistance, and turn it into a Roycelandian Colony.

However, there is no real RP value to be had from this, and you're only new here... still, if you want to RP an attempted attack on Roycelandian Forces, you're welcome to try.

However, I must stress your current force deployments are very unrealistic for a nation of only 16-20 million.

Australia, which has a similar population in RL , only has about 250,000 front line troops, maybe 1,000 "Special Forces", no aircraft carriers, a dozen submarines, and less than three dozen large Naval Vessels.

Also, we're not actively persecuting Hippies- these ones were just in the way, so it was decided to make an example of them.

And I'm glad some of you got the Hitch-Hiker's Guide reference... I've been trying to find a way to work it in to one of my RPs, and this seemed to be an ideal oppurtunity! :)
The Mighty Quin
18-09-2004, 14:07
We would welcome the establishment of closer ties with Mighty Quinn, and look forward to the signing of the relevant treaties shortly... Come all without, come all within! You'll not see nothing like the Alliance between Roycelandia and the Mighty Quinn!


Yes we would like to create a treaty. May we establish an embassy in you country?
GrumpyOwl
18-09-2004, 14:10
I say hippies should be burned, along with the trees, or sent down the mines for the rest of their worthless pathetic lives...
Roycelandia
18-09-2004, 14:12
The Mighty Quinn are more than welcome to establish an Embassy with Roycelandia- And when Quinn's Ambassador gets here, everybody's gonna run to him...

Seriously though, you're more than welcome to establish an embassy in Port Royal, our capital city. I trust we will be able to establish one in your Capital City?

OOC: Guess which song I just listened to? :)
The Mighty Quin
18-09-2004, 14:17
Seriously though, you're more than welcome to establish an embassy in Port Royal, our capital city.


Then we shall! The ambassador will arrive in one NS week at which point could we discuss trade? We may have some weapons and genetic experiments that may interest you.

OOC-
OOC: Guess which song I just listened to?
The Mighty Quin? The title of my nation works on so many levels seen as my RL name is Quin.
Tupacalypse_Tyrell
18-09-2004, 14:40
Yes Hah.

:sniper:
Roycelandia
18-09-2004, 15:06
Roycelandian Broadcasting Corporation World Service Evening Report

"... fortunately, the Guinea Pig appeared shaken but otherwise unharmed by his ordeal.

This just in... His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I is making an address to the Empire to comment on the recent dispersion of a protest in Roycelandian East Africa."

*Crosses to a live feed of His Majesty, resplended in one of his trademark Loud Shirts, wearing his Imperial Pith Helmet- which is considerably more expensive than a regular Pith Helmet and has a big green Ostrich Feather on one side of it.*

"Greetings, Roycelandians and Imperial Citizens! My aides and lots of other important people seem to think I should bring you up to speed with the developments with the dispersed protest in Roycelandian East Africa, so here I am.

It all comes down to this: Roycelandia is a Great and Glorious Empire, and we didn't get that way by pandering to Tree-Huggers, Hippies, Communists, Lefties, and other Anti-Roycelandian Elements.

The great thing about Democracy is that you have the right to voice your opinion- but the second you inconvenience others, you WILL be dealt with.

We will not tolerate any infringement on other people's rights to enjoyment, or their right to go about their daily business without interference by Hippies and other scum. In conclusion, I say this:

GET A HAIRCUT, HIPPIES!

You have been warned.

Thank you, ladies and gentlement, and good evening."

*His Majesty turns to someone off screen*

"I am so sick of these useless, whinging Hippies and Lefties! We should just shoot the lot of them and be done with it. It would save a lot of hassle in the long run...

"Your Majesty, we're still on the air..."

"Oh Fu..."

*The Feed cuts out, leaving two somewhat surprised Newsreaders in mid mouthful of water*

"Errr... That was His Imperial Majesty Emperor Royce I, stating his views on the current protests from Hippies. You heard him folks- get a Haircut, Hippies!

And, in other news..."

OOC: Mighty Quin, we can sort out the details via T-G... I don't want to get sidetracked from this particular RP in this thread...
Roycelandia
19-09-2004, 10:44
Groovy Channel 27 Special Report

"...and he was like, cool with it, man.

The Emperor dude has just, like, issued a statement or something totally saying that we're all, like, losers and stuff. He also said that Hippies should, like get haircuts and stuff. Way uncool, dudes and dudettes.

We should protest or something, but it's too much effort and stuff, and besides, there's a kickass rave on tonight.

We would have the Weather next, but the weather chick is a total party slut and is too hung over to read the weather chart, so we'll just say it's the same as it was today, k'ay everyone? Till next time, have fun, and remember, put out or get out..."
0Tom
20-09-2004, 20:59
Sorry I am not sure how to calculate my force size so can someone tell me Also current force is restricted